Chapter Text
“You should bring Suguru with you,” your mother suggested as she put the baking sheet in the oven. The entire house smelled like a bakery. It seeped into your clothes, your hair, and probably even your skin.
“I don’t think it’s much of his thing, it would mean leaving his room,” you joked, busy threading a needle through orange slides you had dried the previous day to make a garland.
“Just ask him, he’s alone for the holidays. His parents went back to their home country to visit family."
You turned your head to her, a surprised look on your face. “Did they? He didn’t go with them?”
She shook her head as she raised her sleeves, getting ready to do the dishes. “They‘ve been fighting a lot about selling the house or not. I think his parents would like to move back home now that he has graduated.”
You nodded absentmindedly, slightly insulted that he didn’t mention any of it to you. You did your best to keep in touch while away for school, only ever coming back home for holidays or the summer break, but there was a slight divide in the friendship that you had been trying your best to mend ever since you got your degree and dragged your feet back to your hometown.
“And you said you won it at work?"
She acquiesced. “Yes! They had all sorts of prizes. I would’ve gone with your father, but he’s on call the entire week,” your mother explained, trying to hide her disappointment.
“You don’t think it’s weird to ask him?”
You kept thinking about his reaction. Would he turn you down? You often hung out ever since you came back, most of your friends being too far away to do so. Whether running errands together or getting coffee at the only decent coffee spot in town, seeing you was the only reason he had to get out of the house. “Of course not! You guys have been friends forever, you’ve been on trips together before,” she tried convincing you.
“Yeah, but it was always trips with school or with you guys, not like... as adults.” You squinted at her, unsure of her intentions.
“It would hate to see such a gift go to waste,” she tried guilt-tripping you. It always worked.
You groaned, still feeling apprehensive about the whole thing. “Fine. I’ll ask him then." You raised yourself from the ground, leaving your craft project on the coffee table. The movie that was playing in the back was long forgotten.
You grabbed your light jacket, even though it was well in the negatives outside. The air outside was crisp, and the distinctive smell of winter—cedar and firewood—hung in the air.
You knew he was gaming, you could see the distinctive blue lights from his computer setup from outside. The driveway was empty, safe from his blue SUV that sat there, covered in snow, hinting that he had not gone out for quite some time. You crossed the strip of snow-covered grass that separated your two houses as you ran up the stairs and stuck your hand in the mailbox to grab the spare key before you let yourself in.
You knew Suguru’s house like the back of your hand, having spent most of your childhood running up and down the familiar wooden staircase, playing hide and seek in spots that the two of you still remembered.
His bedroom door was closed, but you could hear the sound of his keyboard and the slight hum of music coming through his headset. You pushed the door open.
“What’s up, loser?” You greeted him as he jumped in his seat from the sudden intrusion, his heart leaping out of his chest.
“Fuck, you scared me,” he wheezed out as you smiled at him in a way that did not make his poor heart skip a beat.
“Since when do you play midlane?” you asked, hovering over his shoulder as you watched him destroy the enemy team’s Yasuo. He stopped breathing as you stood behind him, carefully watching him play.
You had done this ever since he started playing over ten years ago, countless evenings spent in his room as you talked his ear out about things he couldn’t quite relate to.
He glanced at you for a second, his eyes quickly taking in the red of your cheeks and the way your lips moved as you regained your breath from having run up the stairs.
You smelled of gingerbread cookies and vanilla, something your mom must have baked.
“New ADC came out, and Satoru wanted to try him out in our comp game,” he explained, his eyes glued to his screen. You sat on his bed, playing with a Pokemon plushie you had won for him a few years back at the local fair.
“You’re off work for the holidays, right?” you asked.
“He’s ulting top lane! Jesus Christ, our jungler is fucking dogshit,” he spat into the mic intended for whom you assumed was Satoru on the voice call, his harsh tone reserved only for when he was gaming. You giggled as he ignored your question.
‘Defeat’ flashed red across the screen as he sank defeated into his chair, hiding his face in his hands.
“I’ll see you later,” he spoke again, tabbing out of the game before disconnecting from the call and turning his attention to you. “What were you saying?” he asked, his tone becoming so much softer all of a sudden. The frustration of having lost a match was still present, though he did his best not to let it reach you.
“I was asking if you were working next week,” you repeated, playing with the hem of your sleeve.
Suguru frowned, unsure what you meant. "The office is closed for the week, yes.”
“Cool, cool. My mom won this getaway for two people at work, and she didn’t quite explain the whole thing, but she asked me to invite you. I was going to stay home and chill, but she insisted I go in their stead since my dad has to work through the week, being on call and all,” you rambled as he struggled to keep up with what you were saying. Was there a question hidden in the words spewing out of your mouth?
“Slow down,” he urged you, leaning on his knees as he watched you intently.
Your hair was up, something you tended not to do unless it was a wash day. It had grown so much in the four years you were away from school. He liked it; it made you look softer and somewhat like your old self. He remembered learning how to braid upon your request in the first year of high school, your mom never quite had the skills to do so. You had cut it right as you entered university, the week before you moved into your dorm. For a reason that escaped him, you had picked a university across the country, claiming to want a change of pace.
He thought that some distance would have helped him overcome the massive crush he had on you since he could remember, but it did not. As soon as you moved back home last summer and ran straight to him, he found himself back at square one, trying to suppress his one-sided feelings.
Most people outgrew their kindergarten friendship, but neither of you ever felt the need to part ways. Despite your growing differences, you both felt at ease with one another, no matter how much time passed.
"Okay, so,” you inhaled deeply before continuing. “I’m asking if you would like to come to this cabin retreat thing that my mom has a voucher for. It’s up north, there will be snow, and it’s cute and cozy. There’s wifi, she checked, so you can bring your laptop, and I’ll bring some books. It’ll be fun." You tried your best to sell it.
He looked at you as you caught your breath from speaking so quickly. “You want us to go to a chalet together?” You nodded. His heartbeat picked up as you stared right at him, his cheeks heating up at the intensity of your gaze. Something you had been doing since childhood, something he never quite got used to.
You were always so oblivious to the effect you had on him.
“So it’s just us?”
You nodded quickly, standing up to pace around his room, watching your own room through his window, your bedside lamp still on. “Yeah. As I said, it’s a voucher for two.” Suguru was by far the smartest person you knew but, coincidentally, the dumbest at times.
“Sure,” he shrugged, trying his best to suppress the shakiness of his voice and appear as casual as he could.
The lack of enthusiasm made you frown, and you turned to him with an offended look. “Could you sound less happy about it?" you half-joked. “It’ll be good for you to get out of the house. When was the last time you went outside?”
He rolled his eyes at you. It had been a while.
Suguru worked from home, developing software for a cloud data-based company. Or so you thought, according to what he explained to you approximately a hundred times. Not that you understood after all this time.
“I mean, I’m not unhappy; it’s just sudden,” he stuttered, not wanting to disappoint you.
You sighed. “Yeah, well, tell that to my mom.”
Suguru spun in his gaming chair, looking at the ceiling, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat. He wanted you to go home so he could call Satoru and brief him on what just happened.
“Also one more thing,” you quickly added, tucking your lip between your teeth like you did whenever you wanted to ask him something big.
He glared at you, knowing whatever you would ask, he would probably agree to. Suguru nodded, urging you on with your demand.
“Can we take your car? I forgot to have my winter tires installed,” you confessed with a sheepish smile.
Of course, you did.
"Yes, we can,” Suguru sighed as you cheered on, quickly pulling out your phone to answer a call.
“I’ll text you, okay?” you mouthed as you exited his bedroom, the sweet scent of your perfume lingering in the air. It made his head spin.
How was he supposed to survive a full week with you alone?
His fingers reached for his mouse as he called back to Satoru, who answered on the first ring.
“What did she want?”
There was a pause on Suguru’s end. Satoru almost got worried for a moment. “She asked me to go to a cabin with her for the week,” he let out, still shocked as the words left his mouth.
Satoru choked on whatever he was drinking on the other end of the call. “She what?!”
Suguru repeated himself, the words sticking this time.
“Wow. Okay, this is what you’ve been waiting for your whole life. Remember what I taught you?" his friend answered, immediately making a game plan in his mind.
For as long as they have known each other, Suguru has only ever had one infatuation.
You
The number of times Satoru has heard your name in late-night calls, seen it through texts, and taken screenshots of the stories you posted while being away at school.
“She just came to ask you out?” Satoru asked, pausing the game he was in to get more details.
Suguru shook his head, even though his friend couldn’t see him—a habit he had. “No. Her mom won the stay but couldn’t go. I’m sure she asked other people but resorted to me.”
Satoru groaned. “Where’s the confidence? She came to you, no?”
Suguru nodded. “Yes but-”
“See? I told you. She wants you so bad, oh my god.” Suguru could hear his friend’s grin through the mic.
“I'm hanging up on you just for that,” he threatened with annoyance.
His friend knew how deep his affection for you ran. He’d been the witness of his incessant crushing ever since he could remember meeting him. The long nights spent venting about a stupid boy you’d been seeing on the side. Satoru had heard it all.
He had tried countless times to convince Suguru to ask you out, to make a move, to do anything to show your oblivious self how stubborn his devotion was.
“Don’t forget to pack condoms,” Satoru joked, knowing it would fluster his friend on the other end of the call.
“Shut up,” Suguru groaned, reaching to end the call and hiding his heated face in his hand, as if he could hide from the embarrassment he felt.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Suguru had barely slept the entire night, tossing and turning until the sun appeared through his bedroom window, the frost on the window glimmering in the light. He sat up with a groan, tying up his hair in a bun, glancing outside to your bedroom window. Your lights were already on, and he could see your shadow moving around the room through the blinds. You were always more of a morning person than him.
His packed bag lay on the side of his bed, his heart had been in his throat the entire morning as he forced himself to swallow a piece of toast.
He shouldn’t have been this nervous. It was you, for fuck’s sake.
Suguru stared at the box of condoms in the last drawer of his dresser for what felt like an eternity. Debating whether it was considered harassment to even bring them in the first place.
Satoru threatened to show up to the chalet if he did not bring them, but there was no way he could ever know if Suguru did in fact bring them or not.
Empty threats were always his specialty.
He sighed, leaving them behind before grabbing his laptop, a keyboard, and a spare mouse he barely used. Suguru assumed he wouldn’t have much time to play, but since you were most definitely bringing your laptop, it meant you planned for the two of you to queue together.
You weren’t particularly skilled, but you never let it stop you. He always thought you would get bored of playing, but whenever given the opportunity to queue with him, you would always accept. Given that you weren’t busy with school or your social life,.
Now that you were back home, stranded in the middle of nowhere away from your school friends, you had been spending more time online with him.
It reminded him of his high school days.
His phone buzzed on his desk, and his eyes immediately glared at the screen.
I’m outside!! ε (*´･ω･) з
A smile sneaked its way onto his face as he hauled his weekender bag over his shoulder, closing the lights in his bedroom before leaving. He stepped outside, the cold wind burning on the skin of his face. Suguru immediately tucked his chin in the collar of his coat, pulling the hood of his hoodie over his head.
“You slept in again,” you teased him, waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. You were wearing your usual winter jacket, the beanie he bought you two Christmases ago, and a new scarf he was positive you knitted yourself.
Not that it was bad; it just had your name written all over it.
He scowled at you, mesmerized by the way you looked in the morning light, the purple and pink skies blending in together to cast shadows on your face that made it look painted and ethereal.
“I didn’t sleep in. You just wake up before the sun does,” he commented as he made his way to the car. He snuck his hand into his pocket, looking for the keys.
“Waking up before the sun in the middle of winter isn’t exactly an achievement,” you sassed back, waiting for him to unlock the door, your foot tapping impatiently in the snow.
Getting Suguru to wake up before ten on any given day was already an achievement in itself. probably due to his messed-up sleep schedule since he insisted on staying on his computer until the early morning hours. You were always up before him, even as children.
Some things never changed.
His hair had gotten longer, you noticed. It looked good on him. Suguru had always been handsome in his own way, with delicate features, an aquiline nose, and a piercing gaze. It didn’t go unnoticed by many. Your mother has pestered you constantly about him.
Suguru this, Suguru that. It was incessant.
You slammed the door shut, Suguru sliding in the driver’s seat, turning the key in the ignition. Your phone immediately connected, as he programmed it to have priority. You had better music taste than him anyway. Or so he said.
“Can you put the address in?” he asked you, backing up in the entryway, the tires squeaking under the snow that had accumulated. Suguru swung his arm behind your headrest, sticking his head between the two seats, trying to get a glimpse through the back window. Faint notes of sandalwood combined with what you knew had to be his laundry detergent reached your nose. Did he start wearing cologne, or was it simply a fragrant shower gel that he recently switched to?
Either way, it suited him.
You quickly set up the GPS on his phone, knowing his password by heart. Not that he had anything to hide. Maybe, except for some things that Satoru sent him from time to time or whenever he asked for not-so-subtle updates about you.
It wasn’t that Suguru had not thought about asking you out. As a matter of fact, the thought plagued him every day as he succumbed to the nerve-wracking possibility that you might find someone else. You had never been aware of your surroundings, which seemed to include him, much to his despair.
He wasn’t totally invisible; he was there every day. He faded into the backdrop of your active life as he watched you meet new people and live new experiences without him. He was really happy for you, but there was a side of him that wished you would take the time to truly see him for what he was—more than a friend.
“Do you want to stop for a drink on the way there?” Suguru asked, eyes fixed on the road as you settled in your seat, removing your boots.
You glanced at him, peeling your eyes from your phone, where you had been debating which song to play first. You took road trips very seriously, which included the playlist you would choose to set the mood. A trepidation settled in your veins as Suguru took the highway, missing the proximity you shared with him before you left for university.
You settled for a Mac Demarco song.
“I thought you didn’t drink coffee. Did you finally change your mind about those energy drinks?” you asked, putting your phone down in the cup holder between your seats.
He shook his head, a slight smile gracing his lips. “I didn’t. But something about a Red Bull before ten in the morning feels sacrilegious,” he joked. “I’m also craving something warm. I can’t feel my fingers,” he responded as he flexed them on the steering wheel, trying to regain sensation in his digits.
You hummed as you watched the dreadful suburban landscape pass before your eyes. You were glad to get a week away from the mind-numbing pace at which things took place in your hometown. Like, nothing interesting ever happened. A run-down mall, about three good restaurants, and the same park that Suguru and you would run off to whenever the weather was nice enough that you could convince him to go outside.
Suguru pulled into a drive-thru, ordering you the same thing as him. You always ended up drinking from his cup if he didn’t. It amused him, not that he would ever let you know. He cherished those little quirks of yours in ways he knew you wouldn’t quite understand.
Or maybe you would. Not that he would ever risk it.
Suguru was not used to driving long distances, but something about having you in the passenger seat made it bearable. It always did. He glanced your way, a slight frown on his face as he sipped from his coffee cup. You had been silent for far too long, and your playlist was long finished, random songs were then queuing. Suguru smirked as he took in your sleeping form, leaning on the window, lips parted, and an expression so relaxed that he instinctively reached across to lower the volume, the dull rumbling of the tires now being the only sound in the cabin.
You groaned as you woke up, quickly glancing at the time on the console. It had been a little over an hour, with the time remaining on the GPS indicating a much shorter ETA.
“I think I broke my neck,” you complained as you stretched, sipping on your now-cold coffee. Suguru chuckled at your exaggeration; you tended to make them a lot.
“I’ll give you my chiropractor’s number,” he commented, his eyes quickly glancing in the rearview mirror as he changed lanes.
You huffed, rolling your eyes at him. “I don’t have fancy insurance like you. I can’t afford it.”
Suguru felt you roll your eyes at him. He didn’t even need to look to know your facial expression. “It’s not insurance. It’s a work-related benefit for employees and their families. Something about programmers having bad postures,” he explained.
A lightbulb went off in your mind. “You mean if I say I’m your long-lost cousin, I could get my back rearranged?”
Now Suguru was the one rolling your eyes at you.
“No,” he laughed. “Like immediate family, partners, and children.”
“I would have your kids for a free chiropractor, not gonna lie,” you pondered for a moment the upsides and downsides. Either that or a mattress upgrade, since the one at your parents might as well have been older than you at this point.
Suguru choked on his coffee at your words, his cheeks blushing a deep red at your suggestions. You turned to him with a concerned look as he coughed in his elbow, trying his best to hide his flustered state.
“You good?” you asked, your voice shaking with the laugh you were trying so hard to suppress. He glared at you once he detected it, his eyebrows scrunching together.
“I inhaled the coffee,” he half-lied, focusing on the road and trying to get the mental images out of his head. “We’re almost there,” he pointed out, wanting to change subjects as quickly as possible.
Your eyes wandered over the drastically different landscape. Tall pine trees covered in snow on each side of the road; a small town in the far distance; no other cars in sight. It felt great to get away and get some perspective you critically needed on what to do with your life. Given that a degree in literature was not the brightest move in the current economic condition.
Luckily, your mom landed you a job at the local school library; most days were spent reading and browsing online on your work computer. Filing books and interacting with a few teenagers who practically lived in them broke the monotony of it all.
It was better than retail, you kept telling yourself.
Suguru pulled into a street, a turnabout in the middle of what looked like a small resort. Buildings ornate with Christmas lights, a tall decorated tree standing in the middle, lights flickering, shining lights on the baubles. You took note of a spa, two restaurants, a boutique, and a sign advertising ice skate rental.
Small wooden cabins were scattered on the mountainside, lights shining brightly from their windows as the sun slowly set, the sky painted a light pink. Thick snow was crunching under the tire as he followed the sign to the cabin number on your mother’s reservation.
“I think it’s seven,” you said, uncertainty present in your voice. Suguru stopped the car to look at you before taking the steep, narrow road up.
“You think?” he asked confusedly.
You groaned. “She sent me a bad screenshot of it. It’s like twelve pixels, I cannot make anything out of it.” Suguru grabbed your phone from your hands, his fingers brushing yours, his hands warm against your cold ones.
“It’s four,” he corrected you after staring at your phone with narrowed eyes. His glasses reflecting the light of your screen. It had been a while since you had seen him with them, usually preferring contacts over his old metal frames. It looked good on him.
“You’re not wearing your contacts?”
He shook his head, glancing at you while handing you back your phone. “I ran out. I thought I’d start wearing my glasses again,” he shrugged.
“It’s cute,” you chuckled. “You look younger.”
“Is that a good thing?” he immediately found himself asking, mentally slapping himself for sounding so desperate for your approval.
You blinked, stunned for an instant. You took a good look at him, a lazy smile on your lips. “It’s neither. You just look younger,” you chuckled, ignoring the soft blush on his cheeks.
It must have been the cold.
Suguru resumed driving, his car struggling uphill as you finally reached the cabin. You made a mental note to thank your mother because this was exactly what you needed.
A quaint, secluded cabin, trees providing privacy, and the light on the porch made it feel so inviting. You jumped out of the car, heading towards the door with the code in hand. Snowflakes were starting to fall, hovering in the cold air as Suguru opened his trunk to retrieve your bags.
You quickly retrieved the key from the safe box tied to the handle, opening the door with frozen fingers as you craved the inside warmth.
You pushed the door open with your shoulder and were immediately greeted with the smell of pine and faint traces of cinnamon. The heat coming from the fireplace in the living room heated up your cheeks as you admired the small lights intricately wrapped around the wooden beams on the ceiling. Large windows lined the slanted walls, giving you a view of the woods outside as snow started to gather on the balcony where a hot tub lay. The dusk painted a soft lavender wash over the snow, making it feel even more serene.
Suguru’s breath got momentarily stuck in his throat as he took in the sight. Your tired yet carefree smile as you walked into the living room, shedding your jacket, scarf, and hat, unruly hair strands sticking up from your head. You threw yourself on the couch, propping your feet on the small coffee table.
“You’ve been seated for hours, and the first thing you do is crash the couch?” Suguru teased you, dropping your backpack and luggage near the kitchen counter.
You glared at him. “How long do you stay seated when you play with Satoru?”
Touché.
His face fell as he settled for walking back outside to retrieve his luggage from the car, finally locking it and the door behind him as he entered the cabin, shaking the snow off his boots.
“Is the couch a second bed?” Suguru asked, placing his jacket in the wardrobe and grabbing yours to hang it up as well. You turned to him, frowning.
“A second bed?"
Suguru’s heart stopped at your visible confusion over his very reasonable question. It wasn’t like the two of you had never shared a bed. It had just been a disproportionate amount of time since you did, and it felt almost inappropriate to do so now. You inspected the couch you were sitting on, shoving your hand between the cushions, trying to feel for a mechanism to somehow open it.
“No. It’s just a couch.”
He was sure to pass out. This could not be happening. He somehow imagined that throughout this whole plan, you shared the same understanding that he would be sleeping separately. Knowing you intended to share a bed with him this whole time made him weak in the knees. Suguru could already hear Satoru’s comments about the situation, urging him to come clean about how he felt about you.
"Where—where's the bedroom then?” He hated the way he stuttered the words out, his nervousness getting the best of him. You stood up, eyeing the second floor, a loft overlooking the lower level.
“I’m guessing up there?” you said, walking up the stairs leading up to it. The wooden stairs creaked under your weight as you climbed the narrow staircase, your hand gliding on the panelling of the wall. Your mouth fell agape as you took in the bed.
In all honesty, the bed was not the problem. It had to be twice the size of your twin one at home, the plush covers were inviting, and there were more pillows than you could count. What surprised you were the rose petals strewn upon the blankets and the small candles lit up on the bedside tables. You mentally cursed your mother for the mixup, quickly snagging the small welcome card on the pillow.
Suguru’s footsteps echoed behind you and suddenly came to a halt as he took in the scene. His heart hammered in his throat, the blood rushing to his face as his eyes widened. He picked up the champagne bottle that was placed carefully on the dresser along with two glasses.
An expensive bottle at that.
“I’m so sorry,” you cringed, hiding your face in your hands as you handed him the card. “If it makes you feel any better, don’t think she knew.”
Suguru’s shaky fingers grabbed the card as he read the words, wishing the two of you a romantic stay at the retreat along with a program of couple activities for the week. His mind couldn’t process what was happening quickly enough as you sat on the bed, picking the rose petals one by one to calm your frayed nerves.
“I can still sleep on the couch if-” One annoyed look from you shut him up. This was not the time for his self-effacing tendencies. You reached for your phone to call your mother, in disbelief that she would overlook such a detail.
Suguru had to get some air, the warmth of the chalet combined with the flushed feeling he was now burdened with quickly became overwhelming.
“I’m going to go get some wood for the fire,” he blabbed out before bolting for the stairs before you could stop him.
There was plenty of wood next to the fireplace, so there was no need to waste effort retrieving more. You watched him run outside, half relieved from getting more breathing space as you stared at the room set-up.
This was going to be a long week.