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Vanitas had always lived in deserts. Now, thinking about it, it was strange. Normally, the human body couldn’t survive in a desert for a day, much less their whole life. Well, there were two things that were different for him than others.
One, his whole life had only been four years, if you didn’t count the time he spent as Ventus. He did but no one else did. He was always Ven’s darkness, but no one had stopped to think that the statement meant that Ven used to be his light. Who’s to say that it wasn’t Ven who split off from him? He knew that wasn’t true but on the better days he liked to believe it was. Made it easier.
Two, he wasn’t human.
That was the part that confused him the most.
He wasn’t human. Or was he?
Sure, he hadn’t started out as human, he remembered the feeling of nothing, then of being, and then of something. He remembered the apathy, the cruelty, the mess of emotions that had been him and the others and they had been nothing but darkness, snarling against the light.
And then…
And then he had found that boy. Ventus.
He didn’t know what had drawn him to the boy. Sure, he had told the Trickster that it was because Ventus had been destined to harbor darkness, sure he had laughed when the Brother accused him of malice, sure he had told the Doomed Destined Ones that it was because Ven craved power, but… He didn’t know what had drawn him there.
It could have been the boy’s light, that was a very good possibility. He was so bright; he was almost as bright as the five Union Leaders. That was probably why he was able to fit in with them so well.
It could have been the boy’s darkness. It was small, growing but contained. It was nothing more than loneliness. Not like the other darknesses in other Keyblade Wielders, which was malicious, which was cruel, which was based off of jealousy and greed and pride and anger.
No, Ven’s was loneliness. The ten-year-old was desperately lonely, not knowing how to interact with people, barely able to keep up with them with his too big Keyblade and penchant to fall asleep by the middle of the afternoon. There were barely any other Wielders his age, most of them dead as they couldn’t keep up, or the few that remained had people surrounding them, keeping them alive.
What was that emotion that he had felt when he first started to watch Ven and saw the way he survived alone even when many his age didn’t? Pride?
But his loneliness was palpable, and it was enticing and he…
It had been too easy, to wrap around the boy, to feed off his loneliness while also giving him some comfort. It was easy to shift into vaguely human, to keep him sleepy and unaware whenever they interacted, breaking down the boy’s barriers one by one until he could hold him in his entirely. And then-
In truth, he hadn’t needed to kill the True Dandelion. He didn’t need to make Ven a Union Leader, he could have easily manipulated the people around Ven, could have given him all the friends in the world and then he would have become even stronger, able to feed off of those peoples’ darknesses but… He hadn’t.
He almost had sabotaged himself in a way when he made Ven the fifth Union Leader because the others weren’t like the normal Dandelions. They were pure Light, like Union Leaders were supposed to be, and there was nothing for him to feed off of from them. Sure, the Trickster was paranoid, and the Brother was possessive, and the Leader was worried, and the Protector was angry but nothing substantial. Nothing he could feed off of.
So why had he made Ven a Union Leader?
Maybe because he had felt pride when he had seen him fighting all alone and because he had felt possessive when the boy spilled his darkest fears to him and because he had chased the other dark dwellers away when the boy was too tired to fight them off that one afternoon, and he had only done that because he would have lost his vessel if he hadn’t, liar, and because he wanted the best for this little child.
He didn’t think about it. No point.
But then the Brother had found out more and Ven had remembered despite his attempts to stop him and then the Brother got violent, and no one was going to hurt the boy he had claimed as his own, so he surfaced, became a shield between Ven and the Brother, and then he taunted them, because he was Darkness and that was what he was going to do.
He trusted his brethren to their plan, and he would have been a part of it, would he, they would have killed Ven, but then Ven awoke and his boy was so bright, so bright, the thing that had drawn him to him in the first place, and as he fell into nothingness, consumed by Ven’s light, he didn’t really mind this end. If Ven had wanted to destroy him, if it would help Ven, he would have let him.
And his mess of emotions swirled around him in that light, and he felt pride, anger, betrayal, sadness.
Because it was Ven.
But then…
Then he had been gasping to life on the desert ground, choking on dust and feeling like his insides were tearing apart, and all memories of his previous life were gone.
He was Vanitas, part of Ven. Now separated from Ven. Why did that make him so angry?
He lashed out, he acted dark because that was what he was, right? He tried to kill Ven when Master returned with him, he snarked and snarled and then-
And then pain erupted in his face from where Master backhanded him and everything fell apart again.
He was still dark, but he was… scared.
Because the Master was so much stronger than he was, and he didn’t have a way off the world like the Master did and he couldn’t fight back against the Master so he just… survived.
He learned to fight in a body that felt weird, with a Keyblade that wasn’t his, and saw a reflection that wasn’t him whenever it rained and left puddles on the ground. He learned to command his Unversed to try and fight for him, he learned how to twist magic from the world and bend it to his command, but when he tried to learn Cure, the Master knocked him unconscious and warned him to never try that again.
His wounds, his lessons, had to heal the normal way.
Well, when the normal way was usually a week or two and the person who hurt him showed up every couple of days, he was almost always hurting.
He thought often about trying to learn Cure anyway, when the Master wasn’t there, but he couldn’t risk it. The Master seemed to always know everything, and he didn’t want to risk what would happen to him if he was found out.
He learned to deal with freezing cold and sweltering hot and he was almost always perpetually starving and dehydrated because he had needs like any other human and there was nothing to eat except for what the Master brought. He learned to always be aware of his surroundings because he never knew when the Master was returning, and he learned to hide when the tears slipped out of his eyes.
And he curled up at night and dreamed of Ven, of sunshine and friends and nothing to worry about. And hatred and anger grew in him because how was it fair? How was it fair that Vanitas was stuck here, with the Master, when Ven was there, living life, having friends? He didn’t know if he was mad at Ven or at the Master or at the world or at all of them.
The Master told him that his pain would go away if he formed the χ-Blade and so, that became his purpose. Everything would go away if he formed the χ-Blade with Ven. His pain, his anger, his existence. Everything would be gone once he formed the χ-Blade, and he couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait to be nothing again.
But then, he remembered. Bit by bit, he remembered. The Master would prompt him, having found out something, and the memories would come flooding back, of being Darkness and latching onto Ven, of sending Daybreak Town to chaos and being undone by the boy he had cared so much for.
He reeled in shock, over and over from that. Because he had been more and now, he was less, and he wasn’t even human like he thought he was and he wasn’t part of Ven.
But wasn’t he? Hadn’t he spent so long in his heart that he thought he was? Hadn’t he become so… Ven, that he wasn’t Darkness anymore? That becoming Vanitas had felt like a step back instead of a step forward?
Also, he was still scared.
He still froze up whenever there were footsteps behind him, he still flinched whenever the Master moved his hand, he still didn’t dare learn Cure and didn’t try to leave the world.
He was Vanitas and he was Darkness, but he still was…
And then the Master said that it was time, and he played his role, did his best to not be hurt.
He led the three Wielders on a merry chase around the worlds, Seeing Ven again had nearly killed him, nearly caused him to kneel over in shock or try and fuse right then because he was older and stronger and isn’t that what he had always wanted for Ven? setting the stage for the Master’s plan. He felt the darkness grow in Terra, just like the Brother and resolved to keep Ven away from the older boy if possible, felt the worry and fear grow in Aqua, just like the Trickster and he would enjoy killing her before his death because what if that gained the attention of one of his brethren and brought them to Ven, and felt the confusion grow in Ven, and remembered when that would happen with the young boy and he would turn human shaped and whisper reassurances, just because he couldn’t let Ven become too weak, he still needed him, right?
And then the three of them were in the Graveyard and Vanitas kept Ven away from the Master because he didn’t know what he would do if the Master hurt Ven, but he couldn’t stop them completely and he didn’t know why he almost lunged forward to stop the Master from burning and then freezing Ven.
Shouldn’t he feel vindicated? That Ven was experiencing just a fraction of what Vanitas had dealt with while Ven was out in the sun and growing up loved and part of him was still mad, but he had figured out, just around the time that he regained his memories, that he wasn’t mad at Ven. He was mad at the world and at the Master and, pettily, mad at the two who had raised Ven because that had been his job first.
He didn’t feel vindicated.
He all but flew off the cliff once the Master allowed him to leave and fully fight Ven and he needed to finish this quickly. He cheated, he would admit, but he was Darkness, and he was desperate and he mostly just wanted this all to end. If they fused and they both died, then Ven would return to Kingdom Hearts, be with his family again while Vanitas would vanish into nothing. If they fused and Ven survived, then Vanitas would just be happy to be gone. If Vanitas was the one to survive, he could fix that easily.
So, he reached out, ready to fuse and then-
There was someone in front of him and he wasn’t in the desert anymore and he was reeling and all of a sudden-
Time travel existed. Wonderful.
And now he was stuck in the same desert as before, still hiding away in the darkness, trying not to draw attention to himself. He still didn’t know Cure and he was still alive, and he still dreamt of Ven, though it was only Ven asleep on a throne, not in the sun with the others.
Thankfully, it seemed the Master was too busy with his “grand plan” to deal with Vanitas, so the Keyblade Wielder had his run of the place. Sure, he still couldn’t leave, and he still didn’t know what exactly had happened in the time between then and now, but it was better. He still longed for the moment he could go back to being nothing, he still had nightmares and scars, and he still wondered about Ven, but at least he wasn’t being actively hurt.
As the days passed, he slowly met the others in this “True Organization”.
He saw the Brother and he froze because the Brother was many things, but evil wasn’t one of them and he mourned ever so slightly for how Ven would feel when it was revealed. He ignored the puppet when he could and felt the darkness seeping off of him at every turn, artificially implanted there to twist the Brother into something he wasn’t.
He saw Terra, with white hair and yellow eyes, and lamented the fact that the Master had completed his plan. He hated that it meant that it had all been worth it, that the Master had gotten what he wanted, turning his gaze from Vanitas to Terra. He wondered if Terra was even still alive, if he was still there, watching through his eyes and unable to do anything. He didn’t put it past the Master to do such a thing.
He stayed far away from the others, unused to being around so many people, he had only ever been around Ven mostly during Daybreak and he only had the Master before. He let the Unversed crawl over him, spurred on by his hatred and anger and depression and acceptance, and waited until the moment.
And that moment came, and it was the only time he had truly seen the Master since he arrived in this time, and he did his best not to flinch away when the Master’s hand descended on his shoulder as he gave him his orders. He knew the Master wouldn’t like that, his weakness. He tried not to react when the Master told him how ten years ago had ended and how Ven was now stuck in someone’s heart, unable to do anything.
He left as soon as he was able to, though that didn’t let him escape without the burn left on his shoulder, eating its way through his armor and reminding him who was in charge.
He headed to the world and didn’t really pay attention. He let the one with darkness in his heart run wild, he unleashed his Unversed onto the world, he snarked and snarled when he came face to face with the one who held Ven’s heart and said all the right things, but he really didn’t care anymore.
He had already lived longer than he had wanted to, and he just wanted it done.
He stumbled through the fight with Aqua after she returned to the Land of Departure, saying the things he knew would provoke her the most. He readied to kill her, knowing that one of the others would stop him, hopefully lethally.
He was not prepared for Ven to suddenly wake up and throw him backwards.
And as he sat up, watching Ven stand in front of Aqua’s body protectively, he remembered that stupid pride that had risen in his non-existent heart when he saw that little ten-year-old facing off with a dark dweller as big as he was, Keyblade held unsteadily in a backwards grip, as it was still a little too big for him. The pride that one might have for a cherished friend. Or maybe, a younger brother.
But he didn’t care anymore. He was done with this. He saw their glares, their sharp words. They wouldn’t accept him any more than the Master would. If they didn’t kill him, they would only imprison him and leave him alone again, until he shattered enough that he went back to being nothing.
So, after the fact, he laid in the dirt he had been born in a second time, letting the dust brush over him. He knew it was getting close, maybe hours now. Then they would go out and, regardless of whether or not the Organization won or lost, he wouldn’t see the sunrise.
He would give Ven the satisfaction of killing him again. He would let Aqua gloat and let that one who carried Ven’s heart live with the knowledge that he didn’t have to worry because another threat was gone. He would hope that Ven got Terra and the Brother back, and he would fade into nothing.
Because that’s all he had ever been. And that is all he ever would be.