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For the first time in three years, Touya picked up his violin.
Or his violin case, to be precise. It's been tucked in the corner of his room - out of sight, out of mind - for months on end. Even when Touya cleaned his room, he skimmed through that part of it, only lightly swiping the dust off the cover but never cleaning thoroughly. As a result, when it was time to take it into his hands again, he felt bits of dust cling to his fingers, dirt and grime stuck in the locks and the handle.
Well, no matter - maybe he'll take proper care of it after today's endeavor. Or maybe he won't. That entirely depended on how it would go.
He... Wasn't sure on how he arrived on the idea, exactly. Or even if he wanted to go through with it. It was simply that he mentioned something from his childhood when talking with the Virtual Singers about facing his past now, then someone asked him some questions, then some more - one thing led to another, and in the end, Touya offered to play.
It was an impulsive decision quite unlike himself, but he couldn't lie and say the spark of excitement in his teammates' eyes wasn't comforting. Deep in his heart, he knew they'd always wanted to see what he's capable of, but never brought it up, careful around his scars, dancing around the topic whenever it came up - something that he was eternally grateful for, yet something that, it appeared, seemed to stunt his growth.
Touya learnt to value that, too. Just like classical music has given him skills he didn't appreciate before, just like running from his guilt made the song he composed after facing it all the more powerful, his teammates' concern had to amount to something, even if Touya didn't quite know what it was yet.
Maybe it was only right that after all those years, he finally, finally felt a budding urge to play again, exactly at this moment. Fragile and timid, Touya knew just one disapproving remark could snap it in half and grind it to pieces.
That was precisely why he wasn't going to do that at home.
Still, he was going to check if his instrument was in proper condition before giving it a go again. Hesitantly, with anxiety simmering in his stomach, Touya opened one lock, then another, and finally, the case itself.
He was greeted by the sight of all too familiar deep navy blue velour silk. Momentarily blindsided, Touya paid no attention to the bow, placed carefully on the upper lid, and instead tugged at the thin blanket covering the violin itself.
He sighed in relief, satisfied with what he saw. Despite years of neglect, the instrument was still in perfect condition, just as he remembered it last time. The varnish on his violin has always been on the darker side; despite it, the grain was still visible, thin and even. Touya marveled at it for a second before reaching to take the instrument in his hands. Only when his nails almost scratched the side plate uselessly had he caught himself, berating his memory, and reached for the neck.
He put the violin on his shoulder and shivered at the sensation. Touya couldn't decide how he felt at that moment - the weight of the instrument was familiar, almost comfortable, as if nothing had changed for all this time it lay abandoned; at the same time, it was incredibly heavy, almost shackling.
That last part might've been the lack of a shoulder rest, though.
Touya sighed. If he was going to do this, he better take it seriously.
He put the shoulder rest on, taking it off and adjusting its position multiple times before it finally felt secure. He then flexed his neck, which was already starting to feel stiff.
He ran away three years ago, but in reality, it felt longer. Violin was never quite his first priority, and his father always made much more emphasis on piano. Sure, he'd won a few competitions here and there, and he practiced both just as rigorously; still, he couldn't shake off the feeling of violin always being some kind of afterthought.
Perhaps it was because of that the idea of playing the violin wasn't as dreadful as the idea of playing piano again, but his skills must've been even more lacking for it.
Touya plucked the A string, hoping the soundproofing in his room was enough so nobody could hear that (although he had already picked a time when his father wasn't home, alerting his mother was the least things he wanted, too), and winced on how out of tune it was.
Well, nothing that a little bit of work couldn't fix.
As the dusk set in, casting crimson and orange colors into Touya's room, he sat on his bed, tuning his instrument quietly and letting the memories flood his vision.
***
"Meiko-san?" Touya dipped his head into the cafe. "I'm here."
"Oh, Touya!" The shop owner beamed at him. "Welcome! Come on in, you have a full house!"
Ignoring the way those words filled his legs with lead, Touya took a step forward.
She was only joking, it turned out. At least for the time being; besides Meiko herself, only Luka and Miku were present in the café, sharing a table with a drink. Though both of them turned to look at him, barely contained anticipation on their faces, none said anything as Touya bowed slightly in greeting. For now, his attention was focused solely on the venue host.
"Akito and the others aren't here yet?"
"Ah, right - they went to fetch the twins and Kaito," she nodded, then frowned. "They didn't want to crowd you, so we decided it's better to let you get used to the idea of playing here. I hope that's alright?"
With relief blooming in his chest, Touya nodded. "It is. Thank you. Can I...?" He pointed at one of the tables, shoved to the side, presumably to give him more space.
"You can put your things wherever, don't worry about it! It's not exactly the most flashy stage, but it's entirely yours for tonight!"
Perhaps "not exactly the most flashy" is exactly what he needed, Touya thought as he slid the case off his back and opened it. He was never quite the type to get performance anxiety, not in the way Azusawa did - of course, everyone felt a little nervous before going on stage, whether they wanted to admit it or not. For Touya, however, it was something different.
Fear of making mistakes, or fear of audience reacting badly, losing a competition - all of that paled in comparison to the anticipation of his father's reaction, his critique: taking apart every single note, every single choice Touya would end up making, from intonation to expression to musicality, the moment he'd step backstage-
But he wasn't here. He wasn't here, and he could never be. The only people that belonged in this world were the ones Touya trusted and loved, and this world belonged to them. In the same way, this performance would belong to them, and them alone, and perhaps Touya himself. He would make sure of it.
He caught Miku's eyes on him as he was going through the motions of preparation - putting on the shoulder rest (again; Touya almost forgot how much of a bother it was), tightening and rosining his bow.
"Miku? Is something wrong?"
She shook her head, but didn't avert her eyes even for a moment.
"No, not at all. I was just thinking about how... Hm, should I say effortlessly? How effortlessly you're doing this, despite the fact that you don't play violin anymore."
Ah. Touya didn't think about it, but she was right: his movements were automatic, drilled. Besides, it was his instrument, even if he chose to betray it. He knew exactly how tight the bow should be, how much rosin to use - had it been someone else's, he might've felt entirely less confident.
"I'm just setting things up. It's nothing difficult."
From behind the counter, Meiko laughed, a hint of fondness to her voice.
"Touya, anything you're about to do here will look difficult to us, no matter how easy you think it is. Coffee?"
"Oh." He didn't think about it that way, but she was right: for tonight, Touya would be the only one with any expertise in instrumental playing, let alone classical one. He had no doubt his teammates' ears were good enough to notice his mistakes, of course, but... Somehow, the idea of it made him feel a little bit proud? "And yes, please. Thank you."
If he ends up waiting for the rest of his audience to arrive, might as well spent it pleasantly. For now, thought...
"I need to warm up first, if you don't mind."
Warm up was a bit of an understatement, in Touya's case.
He hoped his muscle memory was still intact as he put the violin on his shoulder. Before he even made a sound, he heard Luka whispering something to Miku, glancing at him, and willed himself to not let it affect his playing.
C major scale, from the G string - come on.
Like he hoped, something jumped in front from the deeper edges of his conscience as he pressed down the string and dragged the bow through it. Without fully realizing what he was doing, his fingers moved, pressing on the correct strings, at the correct moment - a pattern drilled so much over twelve years is not lost so easily.
Yes. Still got it.
Despite it, his hands felt a little too rigid, movements too sluggish - which, to think about it, wasn't at all unlike what he felt when he ran away, except from the lack of practice now rather than the excess of it.
Still, not too bad. The shift was alright. The contact point was okay, too...
I... Honestly thought it would be a lot worse than this.
He tried the same thing, faster this time, and, to his surprise, didn't slip up.
More scales - D major, then A major, then B flat major - Touya ran through every one that he remembered being challenging, and while they still were, something about playing them was... Easier, not entirely on a physical level.
He tried different techniques then, everything he could probably need for the performance, staccato, double stops, chords- they were always so difficult, so why-
"Touya-kun, are you alright?"
He jolted in surprise at Luka's voice. She looked at him with a clear concern on her face, although Touya had no idea what he did to warrant it.
"Yes, I am. Is something the matter..?"
"Nothing in particular, just... Hmm," Luka tilted her head, as if second guessing herself. "For a moment there, I thought you looked like you were in pain."
"In pain..." Touya stopped, breathing in slowly and closed his eyes, listening to his body. He didn't feel anything strange, physically or otherwise, except... "No, I don't think I am. But..."
"But?"
"...It seems I have retained more skill than I assumed I would."
"And how do you feel about it?" Miku chipped in before Luka could answer. That was a very good question, and one Touya failed to answer definitively.
"It's hard to say. On one hand, I'm glad... It would certainly make a better performance for today, but on the other hand..."
Miku gave him a little nod of understanding.
"It means that classical has even deeper roots in your life than you realized."
"Precisely so."
If he found out earlier, Touya knew it could have destroyed him. Tonight, however, he felt at peace with the fact. It was just something to adjust to.
He played a few more broken chords, but octaves turned out to be entirely out of his reach. Nothing new; he always struggled with them, even when he was actively playing, so expecting his skills to improve rather than deteriorate after all that time would be foolish. He winced at the screechy sound that came off it and stole a glance at Miku and Luka's table to see if they reacted to it, but both singers were simply looking at him patiently. Touya couldn't tell if they didn't notice his mistake or simply didn't care, or pretended not to, but they must've witnessed enough voice breaks and squeaks while training them to know how to remain stoic.
He shrugged his shoulders, shaking the newfound tension off. His bow hold and right arm were a bit tense, as well, but that couldn't be helped - it was something Touya simply couldn't overcome, even with years of lessons. He would just need to hope it wouldn't hinder his performance too much.
"Okay. I'm ready." He took a deep breath in. "Does anyone have any requests?"
"Oh?" Meiko put a cup of coffee at the counter, inviting him to sit. Touya took the violin off his shoulder, holding it in his right hand together with a bow. The position was uncomfortable, but for some reason, he didn't want to let go of the instrument; if he did now, he feared he might not have the courage to pick it up again. "Wouldn't it be better to wait for everyone?"
"No," Touya explained as he took a sip. His favorite blend, flawless as always. "Playing scales isn't the same as playing a piece... I feel like I need to get into a proper mindset if I want to perform well. ...Oh, this is good. Thank you, Meiko-san."
"Of course," she smiled. "Hmm. In that case, how about you play your favorite song?"
"My... Favorite?" Touya paused, thousands of unpleasant thoughts suddenly clouding his head. "I'm afraid there's no such thing. My apologies."
"Oh..."
Her happy expression changed to a concerned one once again. Touya could feel the others' two worried looks at his back as well.
"Are you sure you still want to do this, Touya?" She asked, her brows furrowed. "You know nobody would hold it against you-"
"No- I mean, yes-" Touya stuttered and sighed. "I think I didn't explain myself clearly. It's not that I hate classical pieces..." Not anymore, at least. Maybe he never did, even while deceiving himself. "But rather that I've been taught to value each piece in terms of its musicality and difficulty and not its personal, emotional value to me... Aside from some that are... Still painful to think about, I think they are all equal when it comes to me 'liking' or 'disliking' something. So, I can't choose a favorite. Does that... Make sense?"
Meiko hummed. "I think it does. Then-"
"Oh, Touya!" Luka popped up, excited. "Remember those orchestral CDs you lent me?"
A smile tugged on his lips. So she did actually listen to those, huh? "Of course I do. Do you want me to play something from those, Luka-san?"
"Yes! Remember that one song that goes like, tan-tan-tan-tan-tan and then bam! The cool beat drop and then thrills, or something like that!"
"You don't actually remember the name, do you, Luka?" Meiko said with a humorous huff.
"Ah- hehe, well-"
"I think that's enough for me to guess," Touya interrupted. "Like this?"
He put the violin on his shoulder briefly and played the first couple seconds of the piece, although it wasn't much more than staccato quavers for nine bars straight. Still, maybe because of the key, or because the piece left such a deep impression on Luka, she nodded excitedly almost immediately as he reached bar 13.
"Yeah, that one!"
"That's Vivaldi's 'Winter', isn't it?" Meiko nodded sagely as Touya put his instrument down again.
"Yes. First movement."
"That's one of the more popular violin concertos. I'm actually surprised you haven't heard it before, Luka."
One of the more popular - and one of the most overplayed, one could argue. One of the most overrated, his father would add, a superficial piece with little to no musical value, only capturing the very surface of emotion, inspired by something as shallow as seasons of the year, as if Touya's own name-
"I have!" She pouted. "It's not my fault they all sound so similar! And you never put classical musical on in the cafe because of Touya- oh, sorry, Touya, I didn't mean to-"
"It's alright." He paused, thinking. "I can play it, but it won't have the same effect without the orchestra backing the violin up... A lot of this concerto is just rests and build-up. It doesn't sound very good when played solo."
"In that case, do you want us to look up a backing track for you?" Meiko offered. "It'll take some time, but that shouldn't be an issue if we're waiting anyway."
"That would be very helpful. Thank you."
Well, it seems his idea to practice the piece beforehand went nowhere. That was fine, too - Touya wasn't unused to pulling out repertoire on the stop.
He got back to his coffee in the meantime. He'll need to listen to the recording first, figure out where they place their notes for him to follow - a completely backwards way to play a concerto, but-
It would sound much more fun than just him playing alone, wouldn't it?
***
Touya's hands trembled.
Calm down, he grit his teeth. It's just Miku and the others. It's Akito. There's no-one to judge.
And even if they did...
They've been through it countless times, more than he'd ever count. Mistakes are fine; critique was good, it helped him- them- grow. That was the way Vivid Bad Squad always worked: find a flaw, your own or your partner's, then bite into it with all your teeth, ripping the imperfections out until it's faultless.
And even so, he didn't mean to improve. Not today, not on violin. Violin and piano were his past; like everyone else's, they would continue to push him forward or drag him back, never quite gone - but today he was free of that desire he always had - to be better, - today he was only...
He was only...
Why was he doing this?
Instead of staring at the fingerboard, Touya looked at the audience. There was Miku and Luka, still sitting at the same table they did before, Luka's eyes gleaming with excitement; Miku was something more contained and collected, but without a doubt, happy. Meiko and Kaito noticed his uncertainty, smiling encouragingly, and the twins were practically hanging on the edge of their seats, tugging at each other's sleeves.
There were also Shiraishi and Azusawa, so close together but so different. Much like the twins, Shiraishi beamed at him, eyes wide and smile bright; Azusawa's eyes were chained to his instrument instead, eyes closely on his fingers, like she was trying to memorize their position - right, Taiga-san did instruct her to listen to more classical. Even from someone like Touya, she was hoping to learn something new...
Then there was Akito.
Akito, who was looking at Touya with feigned disinterest, his lips curled in something that resembled a snarl more than a smile, something that was very telling that he didn't like what was going on. Anyone else might've assumed Akito hated Touya from that expression alone, but he knew better.
Akito... He thinks that I'm pushing myself too far with this, doesn't he?
He's still looking out to me, even if it's by pretending he never wanted to hear me play in the first place... Because then I wouldn't worry as much if I don't manage it, is that what he's thinking?..
Thank you.
Gathering the strength to look Akito directly in the eyes for a split second, Touya gave him a small, barely noticeable smile.
Before Akito could react, let alone say anything, Touya nodded, and Meiko started the recording.
One, two, three, four-
For just a moment, Touya didn't think about playing and let himself just listen.
This build-up...
Yes, this really does resemble a winter landscape...
How can I... Did I ever..?
But he did experience exactly that, didn't he?
Touya focused on the image. The New Year's Eve was a day filled with joy: the road-trip, then the performance, then learning to ski for the first time, then playing snowball. He still looked back on it fondly, but...
After all the fireworks died down, after midnight, if you listened closely, you could hear the frozen wind whistling and howling, even behind the closed window...
That is... Exactly the feeling the composer wanted to describe, isn't it?
...One, two, three-
Good: he managed to come in exactly on time. Even though he was still playing piano, his violin projected clearly across the room.
Meiko-san's acoustics are good, for a cafe... For a reason, of course, but...
If my own playing will always outpower the speakers... This might become a problem.
I need to be careful.
His correct timing fixed some of his nervousness already; from the sound of it, the orchestra didn't take many liberties with the tempo, which meant his own phrases fit in nicely. Even unprepared, his movements flowed automatically, almost mechanically.
"Winter" wasn't the most difficult piece Touya knew by hard, not even close. For someone on his level, this was barely impressive, but...
No. Don't think about it like that. Don't get distracted, just play.
His runs went alright; he could hear someone in the audience letting out a gasp, but didn't have the time to look up and see who. Though the piece required a lot of speed and precision, Touya knew it always seemed harder than it actually was. Showy, in a way.
Then it was staccato again, something that didn't require much thinking. Touya let himself look at his audience as the music grew louder behind him. To his surprise, only Azusawa and Luka looked slightly nervous.
Right. Akito and Shiraishi probably don't know what's coming...
He couldn't hold back a smirk.
In the same second, the beat dropped; the sound, previously quieting, picked up with new intensity, louder than ever before; Touya had to catch up, but he still stole a glance just at the right time to see some people outright flinched. If the music didn't grab their attention before, now it did in fullness - that particular moment always did.
...Fun.
That was... fun.
Right. Back on track .
After that followed a small solo, the motive largely returning from the first one; nothing difficult in principle, but...
Don't drag. Don't rush.
Touya didn't have the privilege of the accompaniment following him like they would on a real stage. For this, he had to rely on his own sense of timing, and avoid the temptation to change the intonation on the fly.
Quieter, not slower! Don't slow down!
The blizzard in the winter doesn't die down even if it's quiet and even, does it?
In his one-track focus to get the tempo right, Touya couldn't quite reach the two top E flats during the solo. There was nothing to do about that but keep playing, Touya thought as he bit on his lip in frustration. If you make a mistake, just keep going - maybe that one of the best skills classical music has drilled in him-
Don't miss the natural sign in there- okay, got it-
He almost sighed in relief when his phrase ended exactly where the orchestra's began.
Could use a little more pressure on the downbow here - good, this sounds much deeper...
Why... Was he enjoying this?
Another ritornello, in which Touya's part want's too difficult, then another solo. But that solo...
Touya braced himself.
For a moment, there was just him and his violin - the upcoming section was the hardest in the entire piece, at least, for Touya; steady, short and rhythmical motions was one thing to play, but short, rhythmical double stops was another.
Still, he remained completely in control, trusting more in his muscle memory than himself. He could've closed his eyes and let his intuition guide him fully, but his eyes remained fixed on the fingerboard.
Focus.
Just focus.
Even though Touya knew the trembling, piercing sound was supposed to represent something else, for him it much more resembled the fast, panicked beating of his own heart.
His intonation struggled, with Touya paying way more attention to playing the right notes than the melody itself- something that, he understood a while ago, limited him in singing just as well as it did in playing. He felt his bow hand tire too fast, even though the first movement lasted no longer than some three minutes - he used to be able for play relentlessly for way, way longer, and now he was completely out of practice already-
But...
But just playing it was... Okay.
Touya was more excited to hear his friends' opinion than perfecting his technique. With that in mind, the last part of the movement felt much shorter than it would've otherwise; after his last solo, he felt like he was playing on his final breath, with everything he had left.
Slowing down now.
For the last, full note, Touya started at the tip of his bow and went all to the bottom, possibly giving it way more strength and sound than the composer intended to.
Before he could dwell on that, the room exploded in applause.
Suddenly feeling very vulnerable, on the spot and not quite knowing what to do with himself, Touya gave them a bow - a rather cheeky one, if an outsider was to judge, but completely sincere from Touya. He swept droplets of sweat from his eyebrows as he straightened his back.
Exhausted after just one movement - how embarrassing...
"Um," Azusawa spoke up timidly. "I don't think we're supposed to clap right now... That was just one part, right?"
Touya blinked. He didn't even think about that at the moment.
"Technically, yes. But it's okay - I wasn't going to keep playing anyway..."
Although part of him wanted to, just a little bit. Just to see how far he could go; the second movement was much slower and poetic, and was supposed to symbolize the warmth and peace one could find even in the harshest of winters - with what he experienced up to today, he could express that much more than he could before...
But he was tired. Not as much physically as he was emotionally. He couldn't piece together his feelings, but he knew playing, even for such a short moment, has drained him all but completely.
He sighed. Even though he put himself forward, he was still happy it was over. Why is that?...
Looks like he would need more time to sort that out, still.
"Touya!" Shiraishi jumped from her seat, smiling wide. "You were amazing! I can't describe it, but, like - I couldn't look away! And you just know that song by heart, too! You don't even need the score?!"
"Yes, I did learn it for a couple competitions..."
Shiraishi's eyes sparkled in a way they only did after they won an event. Touya felt a pang of joy for making her feel that way - she grew up with music as much as he did, and so her sense of intonation and musicality was incredibly sharp. Even if she was a singer and not an instrumentalist, that kind of reaction from her was high praise.
Even if I...
"And that drop too! I felt it all over my body, even my heart too! Akito almost fell off his chair!"
"I didn't," Akito grumbled in a way that told Touya he absolutely did. He met Touya's eyes, annoyance shifting to warmth. "She's right, though. You were awesome."
"Thanks..."
Touya wanted to say that he could only play thanks to him, and everyone else in the room. Not only to play, but to finally understand the piece, the image beyond it, the intention - if they didn't go on that skiing trip, he would never...
He shook his head when tears started to prickle his eyes. No, this wasn't a good time...
"It was much louder than I imagined, too," Azusawa mused. "When you listen to the recording, it's a completely different sound - it sounds more... Muffled, I think."
"Yeah, I get what you mean," Shiraishi sighed. "I wish I could project my voice that well..."
"The projection is mostly what I owe to my instrument," Touya confessed. "This... You won't be able to sound half as good if your violin isn't as good as mine, no matter how well you play. Do you want to try, Shiraishi?"
"Ooh! Can I, can I?"
She reminded him of an overexcited puppy, only lacking a wagging tail. Touya smiled.
"Yes, I don't mind."
"Me next! Me next!" Rin jumped in her chair as well.
"No fair! I want to try too!" Len whined.
"Calm down, you two," Meiko chided them softly. "Don't overwhelm him. Touya's being generous enough, no need to press him more..."
Though Touya didn't mind the idea of showing them the basics, he nodded at Meiko in gratitude. Teaching Shiraishi or Azusawa, if she were to ask, was one thing, but he feared the twins could get a little... Too much.
That, and his violin might be too big for someone their age. But Touya didn't want to tell them that.
Shiraishi took the bow into her hand with a surprisingly correct finger position, only after Touya showed her how he himself held it from different perspectives. Her hand was tense as well, but it was incomparable to how most people first hold it, and how Touya expected her to.
So she really is a quick learner in everything that isn't academic knowledge, huh.
"Good," he nodded. "Then, you hold the violin by the neck, like that- yes, and put it on your collarbone. Your jaw should be resting on that part of the violin, too."
She looked visibly less comfortable with the weight on her shoulder, but smirked smugly anyway.
"That's really good, yeah?"
"Yes, in fact," Touya said, delighting in how her eyes shined at the praise. "Now, press on the second string with your index finger- yes, good- That's an A string, but if you press it down in that place, you should get a B. Remember where I put my bow when I played?... Try that."
Unfortunately, the sound that came out was more like a screech than an actual note.
"Not too bad," Touya said, despite the disappointment on her face.
"You sure? Sounded more like a dying cat to me," Akito said. Shiraishi stuck out her tongue in response.
"We'll see how well you'll do it later!"
"Hold on, I never said..."
"Oh, do you want to try, Akito?" Touya said with a played up surprise, knowing full well Akito didn't. He also knew that doing that voice and an overly happy expression would make Akito do just about anything Touya asked him to. "I'm sure you'd do well."
Exasperated, Akito leaned back onto his chair. "I can't believe you're making me do this..."
Touya saw Akito's cheeks blush pink as the cafe filled with giggles, including from Touya himself. He turned back to Shiraishi.
"I think what happened there is that you didn't press the string down fully," he explained, moving closer to demonstrate. "This time, make sure to press it down to the fingerboard - the plate - and keep the bow straighter, parallel to the bridge over there. Try again."
Not quite there, but better.
"And now with more confidence."
Teaching someone... This was different from giving vocal tips here and there, and even more different from tutoring - which he has done for Shiraishi and Akito before, but somehow now he felt much more...
What was this feeling...
"How was that?"
Touya blinked. "I'm sorry, I think I missed it. Could you do it again?"
"You missed-" Shiraishi looked at him, surprised, then concerned. "Are you really okay with this, Touya?"
"Yes, you don't need to worry, it's just...." He paused, unsure on how to phrase the question. "Do I... Sound like my father?.."
Her expression softened at that. "Touya... I don't know how your father taught you, but I don't think so." She paused, smiling fondly. "Actually, this reminds me more of how Nagi-san taught me. I'm failing, but at least it's a lot of fun!"
Fun...
Yes. He was having fun.
That made all the difference, wasn't it?
Touya nodded, catching himself before he started thinking too much. "Okay. Then, can I hear it again? And- try using more bow, from the tip to the frog."
"The... Frog?"
"The place where you place your right hand? That's called the frog. ...I don't actually know why." It didn't seem strange until Shiraishi pointed it out. He ought to do some research later.
"Oh, okay!"
This time, the result was a clear, albeit a bit shaky, B, from start to finish.
"Well done."
"Oh, it really does resonate!" Shiraishi seemed more excited about that fact than successfully holding a note. "And I didn't even do anything!"
"Well, yes. The quality of wood is important. That's why wooden instruments tend to cost so much."
"How much does your violin cost, Aoyagi-kun?" Kohane popped in. "Um, if that's okay to ask!"
"I don't really remember, because my father picked it for me, but... It should be around ten thousand dollars."
The atmosphere in the air shifted to something not really like discomfort, but something along those lines.
"That... Can't be right." Azusawa stared at him in confusion. "Are you sure?"
Oh. They didn't believe him.
"It could be more, if you account for inflation and such, of course."
"Hey, Kohane?" Shiraishi stood on her tip-toes, rocking anxiously. "How much would that be in yen?"
Azusawa fiddled with her thumbs, like she didn't really want to know the answer. "Um, that's somewhere around a million and a half."
"...Am I holding a million and half yen in my hands right now?" She chucked, a distressed tone to her voice. "I mean, I know how expensive sound equipment can be, but this- Touya, tell me you're joking!"
"I don't see a point in lying," Touya said simply. "It's on the expensive side, sure, but not the most expensive a violin could go for..."
"There's some that got sold for millions, right, Aoyagi-kun?" Azusawa smiled, clearly happy to show off her classical music knowledge. In a way, it was a considerate thing for her to do - as considerate as not telling him about her research before.
"Right. ...Even though I remained a student, my father isn't the type of person to save money at the expense of sound. It's important to have good quality while you're still learning, so you get used to how good playing sounds like. That's why I have it."
"But," An stumbled. "Is it really okay for us to play around with it? What if we break it? Or drop it?"
Touya shrugged.
"I don't really care."
"You... What?"
"If you have fun before you break it, then... It all that would matter." He paused. "I mean, of course I would be upset, but... None of you are the kind of people to do it on purpose, so..." He thought for a while, thinking how he should say it, before arriving at the conclusion there is simply no way to not sound embarrassing.
"Today was really fun. Difficult, but... Fun. It's the most fun I've had playing violin in... Probably ten or more years, so- it wouldn't even matter if I still had my violin or not because I thought I'd never touch it again. But you..." He looked around the audience, familiar faces at every table. "You made me try it again, so, if it's possible, I would like all of you to also experience how it feels to play it, too. And if it breaks because of that... Well, then that's okay. ...Sorry, I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now."
"No, don't worry, you're making total sense!" Shiraishi shook her head vigorously, then, to Touya's surprise, passed him the violin and jumped to Akito's table to drag him to the stage by the sleeve.
"An, what the hell!-"
"Did you hear all that? Touya wants you to play, and I think, as his partner, you deserve that honor most of all!" She narrowed her eyes mischievously. "So go embarrass yourself!"
"Like hell I will! I'll play better than you ever could!"
"Oh yeah?! Prove it!"
Touya couldn't hold back a laugh.
That was what all of it came down to, wasn't it?
Having fun. Loving music. With it, even something as painful could be so...
...Maybe if he was allowed to have all this, to experience different things in his childhood, to meet friends he wouldn't have to abandon to practice all day and night, then...
Maybe things would have turned out very differently.
But that also meant he wouldn't have met Akito, and Shiraishi and Azusawa, and all the people in the Sekai. Meeting them was something Touya could never come to regret, regardless of circumstance.
Because now, in this moment, he thought, I'm happy.
Even though it took so much suffering and guilt, he was happy.
No matter what lay ahead of them, for Touya, for Touya who was so incredibly cowardly and selfish, that was all that mattered.