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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Texting Troubles
Stats:
Published:
2024-04-17
Completed:
2026-01-16
Words:
49,131
Chapters:
123/123
Comments:
1,294
Kudos:
610
Bookmarks:
52
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14,035

Engineer creates mobile phones & Scout becomes an iPad kid

Summary:

On a boring summer's day, when most of the team was down in Tuefort & the only thing on TV were reruns of soap operas, Engineer broke the comm device he used in battle.
From that spawned many nights of toil, sweat, & tears, & a number of creative swears, as the faithful Engineer of RED team created...
The first machine capable of sending text messages!
From then on, everything was smooth sailing. Or so the RED team thought, as someone on the team has been keeping secrets, & it's no longer just fun & games at the RED base.

Notes:

The weird numbered names will only be present in the first chapter (more or less), but if you want a guide, the last number of the entire sequence corresponds to the order of the mercs when choosing a class. So 1 = Scout, 9 = Spy, etc. The rest of the code is just the year they started working (1967) whether they are RED or BLU (RB/BR), the generation of mercs they are a part of (the 3rd generation according to the comics), & their class number (01-09).

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: Doc's an old man & Heavy invents emoticons

Notes:

I'm not gonna fix Sniper's emoticons, I know they're probably all over the place but I don't care, it took me way too long to even make them line up in the first place.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

1967-RB-306: Hi, folks!

1967-RB-301: sup! 

1967-RB-301: wait wys our names all numbers & shit

1967-RB-306: I'm still working on that, don't you worry!

1967-RB-307: HELLO, ENGINEER! HELLO, SCOUT! 

1967-RB-301: hi solly

1967-RB-307: I'M NOT SOLDIER. I'M THE MEDIC.

1967-RB-306: Why are you yelling, doc?

1967-RB-307: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWITCH THE CAPITAL LETTERS OFF.

1967-RB-305: iu hgelkppl fdkotror

1967-RB-308: Bloody hell is that a bot

1967-RB-308: This is Sniper by the way

1967-RB-305: njotr bnoit

1967-RB-307: THAT IS HEAVY. HIS FINGERS ARE TOO BIG FOR THE KEYBOARD.

1967-RB-306: Darn. I'll get on that after I help the doc switch off capslock

1967-RB-301: or just teech him how to use this thing

1967-RB-302: HELLO!

1967-RB-301: still having problems with the capslock doc

1967-RB-301: ?

1967-RB-302: IM NOT DOC! IM WRITING IN BIG LETTERS BECAUSE I AM SHOUTING SO THAT YOU MAGGOTS HEAR ME PROPERLY!

1967-RB-301: oh hi solly

1967-RB-304: Jane i told you that the lads cannae hear it when you type. You have tae still talk intae it

1967-RB-301: man demo wy are u writing ur accent out?

1967-RB-304: What? Thats not my accent thats how i speak. Im a Scot so i speak like a Scot

1967-RB-307: guten morgen, meine freunds. heavy helped me switch the capital letters off, but now i don't know how to switch them back on.

1967-RB-309: Medic, you already said hello

1967-RB-307: well, i thought i would say it again for all the new comers.

1967-RB-309: You said good morning to all of us at breakfast

1967-RB-307: :(

1967-RB-308: The hell is that

1967-RB-307: heavy did it. it is a sad face meant to resemble the expression i made at spy's last comment. his words, not mine.

1967-RB-301: yo anywon see pyro on here?

1967-BR-303: hi, did you mean me?

1967-RB-306: Woah there, partner! You're in the wrong channel, bud

1967-RB-304: How the bloody hell did the blu Pyro end up in our channel?

1967-RB-303: oops, sorry, I'll get going now

1967-RB-309: Laborer, how can we be sure the BLU Pyro is no longer here

1967-RB-306: Just checked the systems. He's gone. Firebug?

1967-RB-303: c; 

1967-RB-301: hey how did u do that winky face

1967-RB-303: Its a secret c;

1967-RB-307: Heavy told me how to change to capital letters. (: I made a face too.

1967-RB-301: shure u did doc heavy totaly didnt show u how to do that

1967-RB-307: ):

1967-RB-306: Don't you worry, doc, I'll show you the ropes once I figure out a way for everyone to change their names on here

1967-RB-307: Danke, Herr Engineer. (: I made this one by myself.

1967-RB-307: ): Heavy started screaming into the pillow, I don't understand why.

1967-RB-305: rtoo cvuitre

1967-RB-308: :/

1967-RB-301: snipes what the fuck

1967-RB-308: Pyro showed me how to do the faces

1967-RB-303: I gave him the power B)

                                                                                                                                                  1967-RB-308:
                                                                                                                                                           n
                                                                                                                                                           | |
                                                                                                                                                           |  __
                                                                                                                                                           |          )
                                                                                                                                                           |          )
                                                                                                                                                           |          )
                                                                                                                                                           |__)

1967-RB-301: dude what the fuck show me how to do that

1967-RB-308: nah

1967-RB-302: WHAT IS THIS WICHCRAFT

1967-RB-304: P) aye i made meself. You see the eyepatch?

1967-RB-307: How lovely! Herr Engineer, you are truly a genius. These little communication devices are so entertaining.

1967-RB-305: yueds

1967-RB-309: Is no one worried over the fact that one of the BLUs got onto our channel

1967-RB-309: And that they apparently have their own communication devices

1967-RB-301: shut up spy

1967-RB-303: :p

                                                                                                                                                 1967-RB-308:
                                                                                                                                                          __
                                                                                                                                                         (__)
                                                                                                                                                         |()| 
                                                                                                                                                        _|()|_ _
                                                                                                                                                        (()()()())
                                                                                                                                                        (        |
                                                                                                                                                        (        |
                                                                                                                                                         \      /
                                                                                                                                                          |     |

1967-RB-302: SHUT IT FRENCHY

1967-RB-309: Imbeciles

Notes:

For anyone curious, this is what Heavy's texts were supposed to be: I help doktor, not bot, too cute & yes. In that order.