Chapter Text
Hugo: What is this!?
Varian: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Hugo: Ow! Make it stop!
Varian: Surrender to your kindness, Hugo. It’s nice to be nice.
Hugo: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!
Hugo: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Yong: And?
Hugo: And you are.
Varian: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?
Nuru: Not by the law!
Yong: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Yong: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.
*while waiting outside the principal’s office*
Hugo: What are you in for?
Varian: Oh, I just wanted to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you?
Hugo: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver.
Varian:
Varian:
Varian: We live very different lives.
Hugo: Yes we do.
Yong: So, Varian, do you have a crush on anyone?
Varian: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.
Hugo: You might not know this, Varian, but I am a flawed person.
Varian: I do know that.
Nuru: All of your existences are confusing.
The Squad: How so?
Nuru: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.
Hugo: I could kill you if I wanted.
Varian: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.
Varian: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!
Varian: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Donella. Fuck you Donella, you know what you did!
Nuru: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with.
Hugo, referring to himself and Varian: Even us?
Nuru: Especially you guys.
Varian:
Hugo:
Varian: Petition to kick Nuru out so she stops insulting us.
Hugo: Seconded.
Yong: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon.
Varian: Cool.
Yong: Do you know who Joe is?
Varian: JOE MAMA!
Hugo, not even looking up from his phone: Damn, that backfired.
Hugo: Just trust your gut!
Varian: Babe, I have anxiety. My gut is literally always telling me to abort mission.
Nuru: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.
Yong, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?
Hugo: I will find us a covered wagon and horses.
Hugo: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.
Varian: Oh, please. We're not children.
*Hugo leaves*
Varian, casually: ...Eat shit and die.
Donella , also casually: Yes, fuck you.
Donella: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Varian: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.
Varian: I am going to need you to swear-
Yong: Fuck.
Varian:
Varian: ...swear as in promise.
Nuru: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people-opener”?
Hugo:
Hugo: …Should I not have?
Varian: You know I think my life has value.
Hugo: Who are you and what have you done with Varian?!
Hugo: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?
Yong: Do it or you're straight.
Hugo: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!
Varian: I'm at a loss for words!
Hugo: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Varian yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.
Hugo: How stupid do you think I am?!
Donella : You really want an honest answer to that?
Nuru: Why is there blood everywhere?
Hugo: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Nuru: You stabbed someone?!
Hugo: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Nuru: Yong is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.
*at a zoo*
Hugo: What are they in for?
Donella : Hugo, this isn't prison.
Hugo: So they can leave?
Donella : No, but-
Hugo, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Varian: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.
Varian: You believe me?
Hugo: Varian, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.