Archive of Our Own

It was cold. The sky was slightly cloudy, with some light skies contrasting with clouds of numerous shades of gray that threaten to turn into a storm. The day could start to cry.

The absence of the sound of birds was noted. A faint haze covered the acres that made up Tokyo Jujutsu High that Sunday afternoon. The cicadas and crickets were absent, and only the sound of the trees moving was heard due to the breeze that made the branches dance, while the yellow autumn leaves fell off in a golden curtain, forming numerous piles and soft mattresses at the foot of the trunks, waiting to be messed up by a playful soul that feels the imperative need to destroy the order of nature.

The world keeps turning. The river keeps flowing. The sun keeps rising and hiding. Life itself does not stop, even when someone dies, when something ceases to exist. When breathing stops and the heart doesn’t beat again. When the skin dries and the organs disintegrate, and the only thing left are bone remains about to become volatile dust that will also be dragged by the breeze that moves the branches of the trees that autumn afternoon.

The world doesn’t care, the universe doesn’t care.

And Maki finds that very unfair.

She finds life unjust.

How is it possible that everything runs its course after her sister’s life has been ripped out in the blink of an eye? How is it possible that she has to walk broken and incomplete among people, without them caring that Mai is gone? It’s unfair that everything just goes on. It’s unfair for her to get on the subway and watch people happy and loud thinking about themselves and not be sad and broken like her.

People will continue to love and hate. Both laughing and crying. Fighting and hugging. Eating and drinking. Running and sleeping. Living.

But not Mai. She will never love or hate again, laugh or cry, fight or hug, eat or drink, run or sleep. Live.

It makes no sense.

She can’t believe the world keeps turning when her world stopped the day she saw the light in her twin’s eyes go out on the cold floor of that room full of curses ready to wipe out the light of the two.

Maybe Mai should have let them both get wiped out, instead of sacrificing herself for her, Maki thinks to herself. If that had happened, she would have fulfilled the plea that one day her twin sister shouted in her face. They would have fallen to the bottom of the abyss together.

Dead. But together.

But Mai was even more stubborn than Maki in some circumstances. Of course she wasn’t going to let Maki die first. She wasn’t going to let Maki beat her in the death race, too. She would wait for her at the finish line, with her smirk on her face, and at last she would say: finally, I won.

It was November 20. It had been 8 days since the Zenin Clan massacre.

8 days since Mai last breathed.

Since she returned from the Zenin Estate, Maki had found shelter in her room, and only left it to get some food and then return as an entity, like a ghost wandering through the corridors of an uninhabited old school aimlessly.

Empty.

She felt (was) empty.

A dry, rugged shell that had been drained of the contents of its interior in the most cruel and repugnant way possible.

She woke up late and fell asleep early, trying to spend most of her time in sleep to avoid returning to the reality of a world without her sister, who hurt her more than her leg had hurt when it had been destroyed by Geto Suguru in her first year; more than her skin had hurt as she was embraced by the scorching fire where thousands of blisters appeared and burst as her flesh melted; more than the laceration her own father had inflicted on her with his sword on her right flank. More than any physical pain she ever experienced.

Because the pain resided in her soul (or what was left of it)

The other half was gone with Mai.

And the pain of soul even RCT couldn’t heal.

It was a pain that gnawed at her insides, seeping through her nerves as if it were a corrosive poison invading every atom of her body, dissecting her muscles fiber by fiber, boiling her blood into her veins as if placing a saucepan with water directly into the fire. She wanted to tear out her guts with her fingernails, pierce her chest with her fingers and remove her heart in order to stop feeling.

Because it was that. She was tired of feeling. Feeling was painful.

And she was sick of the pain.

Her whole life was marked by pain. From birth, having been condemned by her own family for a crime of which she was not at fault. The crime of being a monozygotic twin along with Mai.

Bad omen. Black cat. Broken mirror.

Since they were children, both were marginalized, mistreated, abused, discarded. They were less than scum, they were nothing. Servants some days, trash forgotten in a shed others. A glass of water for both in 3 days if either dared to disobey. And, of course, the punishment of one always applied to the other in the same way.

Always together.

However, Maki would always leave the glass of water or the slice of bread to Mai; if they were physical punishments, Maki would always stand up for both, determined to receive all of it in her eagerness to protect her little sister. The pain of broken bones and bruises on her body was nothing compared to seeing Mai hurt, even if it was a simple scratch on her cheek.

Maki really couldn’t bear to see how Mai had to suffer because of her rebellion or incompetence. She couldn’t watch her sister suffer because of her.

And when she witnessed the light leaving her twin’s eyes, the pain became unbearable.

Chronic.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

Maki was in her school room, sitting on the windowsill overlooking the training camp, hugging her knees, with her head resting in her arms, her tired, slightly reddened eyes were looking at the tops of the trees on the horizon, which were lost in the fog as they moved away from school.

At her feet was a cardboard box that Utahime brought her from Kyoto yesterday.

She hadn’t yet dared to open it. She didn’t know what was inside specifically , but what she did know was that it was related to Mai. It was probably things from her room at the school in Kyoto that Utahime picked up to return to her only remaining direct family member.

Maki didn’t know whether to thank her for taking the time to get the box or whether she should throw it away. She still didn’t define whether she wanted to go through her duel trying not to remember her twin at all or whether she should honor her every day of her new miserable existence.

Glancing sideways at the box, she closed her eyes as she sighed heavily and, taking courage, unwrapped her arms from her legs, reaching out to place it in her lap. She felt an itch in her hands as they began to tremble slightly trying to remove the lid. When she did, she threw it down and looked inside.

Inside was Mai’s Smith & Wesson Model 629 revolver, resting on her particular perfectly folded summer uniform. Its characteristic gold button was visibly bright.

Maki stood for a few seconds contemplating the elements in front of her. Her eyes ran through the barrel of the revolver, towards the trigger and the hilt. The cold metal also glowed, perfectly cared for and clean.

Feeling a little more determined, she stretched out her hand to grab the gun and pull it out of the box, feeling the weight of it on her hands, the reliefs of the wooden grip and the curvature of the trigger under her finger. She held it in front of her eyes, getting used to the form and analyzing it. Removing the safety of the drum, she pressed the extractor rod and the drum fell to the side, almost completely empty, except for one of the 6 chambers. Inside that was a bullet, which she removed and examined. The bullet was new, without any scratch or crack, perfectly polished and, at its base where the marking indicating what type of bullet should be found, a legend saying".44 AUTO MAG" was not found. For a few minutes, Maki looked at the ammunition. Although she was not an expert in the handling of firearms, she had enough knowledge to know that all bullets had information about their caliber at the base, typical of manufacture.

But this one didn’t.

She glanced at her desk. With a dry motion, she closed the empty drum of the revolver, stepped off the windowsill and walked towards the cabinet. Leaving the revolver on the table, she opened a drawer and rummaged through it, going through a pair of broken glasses, wrinkled leaves, bandages, hair ties and more and more garbage. Until she found it: a used bullet casing, slightly opaque, with a few scratches and scrapes, and without the lead tip.

The casing belonged to the bullet that Mai created with her Construction Technique during the Goodwill Event, the seventh bullet that Mai had fired straight at Maki (she had gone to that clearing in the woods days after recovering from her encounter with Hanami, as she knew that the casing wasn’t going to disappear due to the nature of Mai’s ritual). Maki has kept it to this day, it’s not everyday you have your twin shooting you to death in the middle of the forehead (or maybe she’s just a little masochist).

Maki grabbed it and compared it to the bullet she found inside the chamber of Mai’s revolver: they were identical, without the legend ".44 AUTO MAG" at the base.

Suddenly, her hand began to tremble slightly as she contemplated the bullet, which began to weigh thousands of kilos in her hand.

The bullet inside the revolver had also been created by Mai.

Why was there a single bullet inside the revolver? Utahime hadn’t noticed? Or would she have just kept things in the box without checking before?

And why was Maki so nervous all of a sudden?

Her mind began to work at the speed of light, various thoughts of all kinds crossing her consciousness. Her temples ached and she felt her head beating. The palms of her hands began to perspire and her heart began to accelerate.

Pain again.

It would be too easy.

It would be a way out, wouldn’t it?

It wasn’t like her to run away, but the tiredness, the weariness was greater. She could...

Maki grabbed the revolver and put the bullet back in the cylinder, closed it, put the safety on  and placed it on her waist, without meditating.

She looked back inside the box and, this time, she removed the uniform.

She felt the soft cloth on her calloused and scarred hands. It still had the smell of Mai, the smell of gunpowder and jasmine. She took the fabric to her face and inhaled the aroma, trying to calm herself, closing her eyes and trying to visualize her sister once again.

Beach. Sand.

Hell if she missed her. She’d give her life to hug her one last time.

Or hug her again whenever she wanted.

Maybe Mai was waiting for her in that saltwater-smelling limbo, maybe Mai had left that bullet for some purpose. Or perhaps it was her mind being disturbed and corroded by the need to finally rest that was imagining what would be her last stage on the earthly plane and was using as an excuse the creation of her twin.

Tempting.

Under the uniform, at the bottom of the box, there was a letter. On its surface it read "Maki" and down in a corner, "Utahime".

Hesitating, she left the uniform folded to the side and opened the letter to read.

"Maki:

I don’t plan to fill you with words that may be empty, so I will be brief. As you may have noticed, there are a couple of Mai’s belongings in this box. I thought it wise to return them to the person closest to her. And, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, the revolver has a bullet. That bullet was the first that Mai was able to create perfectly with her Construction Technique after several failed attempts, a few months after arriving at the Kyoto School. She gave it to me, but I preferred giving it to you as evidence that Mai is still here, and she always will be.

I hope you’re okay and taking care of yourself.

Utahime."

Maki’s trembling fingers began to squeeze the paper tightly, tearing it easily, separating it in half as her eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall.

"No." she whispered. "She’s not here. She’s dead and she’s not coming back."

But I can reach her.

The completely shattered remains of the letter fell to the ground, fluttering in the air as she grabbed a gray jacket and put it on before leaving her room.

She closed the door and began to walk through the corridors of the school, hands in the pockets of her jacket and hood on, covering her face.

It’s not like anyone’s gonna notice her. Ever since returning, Maki had made it clear that she did not want to see or talk to anyone, and the few people present at school momentarily (Shoko and Inumaki) made the request the easiest task in the world for obvious reasons.

With nostalgic eyes she went through the school, down the stairs, and crossed the training camp until reaching the exit of the perimeter, marked with a wooden arch that gave rise to the entrance of the forest that surrounded the entire complex. The mist had dissipated slightly, and dew covered the grass, wetting her sweatpants and slippers, the cold seeping into her bruised and wounded body, threatening to make her sick.

She doesn’t care anymore.

She closes her eyes and breathes deeply. Mist comes out of her mouth as she exhales, feeling a strange calm flood her.

Maki is strangely quiet right now, unlike a few minutes ago when she was in her room.

Determination.

Without looking back, she went into the forest. Her goal was to find the river that crossed the forest and headed towards the east, eventually merging into the lake. The sea was hours away and that body of water was as close to a beach as she could find.

Her feet left crushed grass and mud tracks behind as she walked. She had lost some muscle percentage due to a lack of adequate nutrients, and her eyes still burned slightly due to the lack of restful sleep as, while she slept most of the day, she did not rest properly. Her mind didn’t leave her alone even in dreams, reliving the scene again and again inside the cursed basement of the Zenin Estate.

Ironically, she relived Mai over and over, watching her die, over and over.

How easily she’d switch places with her twin.

How easily she would surrender her life to the most twisted curse in order to exchange the place where Mai’s soul was found with hers.

How easily she could leave this world to meet her.

She could...

She finally reached the river. The increase by the recent rains still hadn’t arrived, and the riverbed was calm, the water flow almost laminar, silent and the sound of Maki’s footsteps on the wet sand was the only thing that filled the atmosphere. She continued walking a few more minutes until she found where the river emptied into the wide lake.

She saw a clear area of smooth, apparently dry sand, inches from the shore and decided to sit there, contemplating the immense body of water in front of her. A familiar silence filled her ears. A slight mist covered the water, giving a serene and somber look to the environment. A soft drizzle had begun to fall, mild enough not to get her clothes too wet. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she held her breath for a few seconds before exhaling, the cloud of smoke from her mouth spread in front of her like the smoke of a cigar, elegant and ephemeral.

Except for a crow perched on a tree behind her that watched her intently, there was no one around.

Not a single person, not a single soul.

Only Maki, the lake and sadness.

Sadness, loneliness, depression, anguish, pain and tiredness.

A cocktail of emotions that began to emerge 8 days ago. Maki was always characterized by her rudeness and coldness. Weakness, self-loathing and negative feelings inside her were often sent under the rug in their eagerness to overcome each day. In her eagerness to prove that the world was wrong about her, and that no one could hurt her, not even her family.

But now she was there, alone, sitting on the sand on a gray day threatening to rain, where all those feelings under the rug began to creep out, invading her like a big closet monster, gripping her by her shoulders and whispering dark thoughts in her ears, tearing her skin with sharp nails, making her bleed, cry, drown internally. The struggle within her between giving up or continuing, between resting or continuing to fight, between giving up or not.

Between living and dying.

She hugged her knees again, feeling fragile, small, broken. Her empty eyes looking at the undulating surface of the water, trying to visualize her twin one last time, wishing that after blinking she would appear in front of her, with her hand outstretched and smiling at her with that particular smug and sarcastic smile that she always gave to the rest. She waited and waited, but no one showed up. Her eyes began to itch again, her throat felt rough and heavy, her heart beating hollow, almost without will, her skin bristling with cold.

By anguish.

"Mai." she said in a whisper only audible to her. "I don’t know if you’re really here. I don’t know if you can really hear me, if you watch me from wherever you are... but I can’t do it anymore... I’m tired, you know?"

Closing her eyes and holding back tears, she waited a few minutes in silence for an answer that never came. The sound of a fish splashing in the water a couple of meters away was all she heard.

“That time, in the woods, when I told you I didn’t stay in the clan because I would have hated myself if I did, it wasn’t exactly the real reason. I wanted to become strong enough to return to the clan and be the head of it not for me, but for you. Everything I did was just for you. Everything I tried in my life was so I could give you a home, a place where you really belonged. A place where you don’t have to be at the bottom of the abyss, where you don’t have to face abuse and insults. Where you could do whatever you wanted and owe nothing to anyone. Where you didn’t have to suffer.”

“I went ahead because that was my purpose. You were my purpose. It was my duty as a big sister, wasn’t it? Protect you. And I failed..."

Her voice broke, a painful growl came out of her throat, trying to clear it so she could continue. She hugged her legs tighter over her chest and laid her chin on her knees, the look lost in the mist.

"I just had my strength, this ridiculous strength and this ridiculous body that was given to me to protect you. And I didn’t. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry." Warm, silent tears were streaming down her cheeks, wetting the sleeves of her jacket.

"I always managed alone, it was never a problem for me to be alone, but the truth is that I never felt that way, because I knew that you were somewhere, probably hating me, with good reason..." a dry laugh came from her lips, "...but you were there. You were safe. And now... I don’t even know where you’re buried because I didn’t have the courage to see your dead body again after leaving it to Momo, or even ask her where you were being buried. I don’t even know where to drop off a bunch of jasmine for you.”

“My soul hurts every second I keep breathing, my heart burns more than my skin burned. I feel empty, as if I have been ripped out of my will to live.”

“Imōto... I did what you asked. I gave you my word and I kept it. I destroyed everything. I killed everyone in our clan. What should I do now? What is my purpose now? I feel I no longer have one. I feel like I’m nothing, I’m nobody. I have no name. I have no home. I have no family anymore. I don’t know where I belong. My life only had meaning for you, I lived for you and now I don’t know what else to do...”

“I thought that after revenge you I would find some peace, that when I fulfilled your last wish the weight of my shoulders would cease to exist, but... I don’t feel worthy of that peace. I don’t feel worthy to stay here. I’m not interested in curses, I’m not interested in what happens to the rest of the world. I’m not interested in anything anymore. I got lost, I feel out of the way, Mai. You’ve left me, and I don’t know how to continue. I don’t have anything to live for anymore. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I live with this pain that doesn’t let me be calm, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to take it anymore.”

“I’m sick of being alone. Everyone is leaving and everyone is dying, except me. And for what? Why am I still here? Every person who ever hurt you is fucking dead except me...”

“I’ve hurt you a lot too... Should I die now?" Maki removed the revolver from her waist and held it in her right hand, looking at it. "I’m the last person who ever hurt you that’s alive, is that what the bullet's for? Is that your last request, Mai?"

She stood in silence, waiting for some sign. The sound of the crow in the distance caused her to turn her head.

With shaky fingers, she opened the barrel of the revolver to corroborate that the bullet was still there. She turned it a few times with force, hesitating, until she closed it again without looking where the loaded chamber had been positioned.

"I’m gonna stay here a little while longer, sis, if you want to come talk to me... and then I’ll probably meet you finally, after all."

Maki waited a few minutes quietly, the drizzle had stopped. She felt her limbs numb from the cold and her fingers trembled, as did her lower lip. She buried her face in her legs and stood there, trying to cry in vain.

Empty.

After a few minutes she got up, shaking the sand from her pants. Lost and inexpressive eyes, out of focus, looked at the revolver.

"Let’s play one last time, sis. Russian roulette with the lake. Whoever gets your bullet wins."

And if I win, I can be with you once more, and forever.

 "I’ll go first."

That was it.

She had a way out, a conclusion for her short life.

Her purpose was accomplished, there was nothing left in the world for her.

Removing the safety from the gun, she took the barrel to her mouth. It was very cold; the taste of the metal was unpleasant. She placed her finger on the trigger and took a deep breath.

One... two... three...

Click.

She closed her eyes quickly, but nothing came out. She was still in the game.

She removed the cannon from her mouth and pointed toward the lake.

"Your turn.”

One... two... three...

Click.

Nothing.

She repeated the first step, placing the barrel in her mouth and counted again.

One... two... three...

Click.

Nothing.

Still alive.

Lake’s turn.

One... two... three...

Click.

Nothing.

Only 2 shots left, the bullet could be fired now, it was her last turn, everything could end there.

She could stop suffering. She could stop feeling pain. She could stop feeling alone. She could rest, finally.

She felt her eyes again fill with tears.

“Hope you’re waiting for me, Imōto…”

She began to lift the revolver, but a presence behind her caused it to turn quickly, the heart almost bursting out of her chest of nerves.

"Are you sure that’s gonna be the way you’re gonna waste the last gift Mai left you? And I’m not exactly talking about the bullet." Utahime’s unmistakable voice echoed over the place, looking at her with sad but soft eyes at the same time, a few feet from the shore. Her red hakama was stained with mud and wet at the bottom hem. Tufts of wet hair from her bangs framed her face.

“Utahime-sensei… how did you-”

"We have the entire perimeter of the two schools with Mei Mei’s crows guarding..." with a nod of her head, she pointed to the nearest tree where the crow that had croaked earlier during Maki’s monologue was. "Added to the fact that I decided to stay a couple of days here with Shoko, after bringing you the box, before returning to Kyoto. Certainly, I’m glad I stayed."

"I see..." Maki looked down at her wet feet, the gun hanging to her right, still loaded. "Did you hear everything I said before?"

"Not everything, but enough to come here as soon as I could..."

Utahime tilted her head, scouring Maki’s body. She had never seen her so fragile. She had always been a strong student, both mentally and physically, even imposing in a way. But now she was standing there, with her wet sweatpants, her messy hair on her face, her dull eyes surrounded by purple eyebags that reminded her of Shoko’s when she spent sleepless nights in the morgue, and the emptiest expression she had ever seen in her life reflected on her face.

She looked so small, helpless.

She waited a few seconds until Maki spoke again.

"What did you mean when you said Mai’s last present, if not the bullet? Besides, you put it there..." Maki said, her voice slightly bitter and raspy.

"First, Maki, I want to ask for your forgiveness. I should have checked with someone earlier about how you were after everything you went through. I was very reckless to have sent you the box so soon." Utahime said, bowing slightly. "I’m sorry."

Maki didn’t respond, she just stared at her, motionless.

"And about the other thing, is it okay if we have a little talk? I promise I’ll leave later."

An uncertainty took hold of Maki. She still had the revolver in her hand, heavy and hard. She could still just pull the trigger twice in a row.

She could finish it now.

But having a teacher (or someone) witness how she ends her life is not something she wants. Not after she suffered it herself with Mai.

Maki sighed, put the safety on the gun and put it on her waist.

"Fine." she said, turning to sit again on the sand, facing the lake and carrying her knees to her chest once more.

"She was my favorite-" Utahime said, her eyes slightly out of focus, as if trying to remember something she can’t fully visualize in her mind. A fleeting smile appeared on her lips.

Maki looked at her tilting her head.

"Don’t get me wrong, I love all my guys, everyone is special in their own way. But Mai... she was very sweet. She was very attentive to everyone, under that sarcastic facade, always interested in the welfare of others. Always healing Momo or Miwa’s wounds or taking care of them if any of them were sick, as if it were some kind of big sister."

A chill ran through Maki’s body from the tip of her fingers to her head.

Big sister.

Words that felt like thousands of needles embedded in her skin, pricking every nerve in her body.

"She always asked for you, you know?"

Maki’s head rose like a spring, looking at Utahime with her eyebrows raised, filled with disbelief.

"Both Tokyo and Kyoto schools must notify each other when they send students to exorcize curses. A report is prepared with the destination, the type and degree of the curse and how many students are sent in order to avoid sending teams from both schools to the same mission. In this way, we knew when you were sent on missions and vice versa, and if you returned from them safely."

Maki remained silent, trying to find out where Utahime was going with that.

"This is how Mai secretly asked me to let her know if you were alive every time I received a report that said you were assigned to a mission. Not that she doubted your ability, but... she cared." Utahime turned to see her eyes. Maki could notice a slight glow in them, like the beginning of tears that never accumulated. A glow of someone who proudly remembers someone.

The confession felt as if her body had been stamped against a glass. Her heart felt squeezed into her chest.

The last talk she had had with her sister in life had culminated in a fight between them and a "liar" shouted by Mai. Also, Mai never returned the messages Maki left on her cell phone, so Maki simply thought she ignored her at all costs. Finding out that Mai was actually asking about her was strange. A void in her stomach settled briefly, stirring her entrails. There were so many things she didn’t know about her twin despite having come into the world seconds apart, and now there was no way to make up for lost time.

"Mai deceived herself for a long time," Utahime continued. "She tried to ignore you and keep you out of her life many times, but the truth is she always cared about you, and I think that’s clear from the simple fact that you’re sitting here after what happened at the Zenin estate, Maki."

Maki squeezed more on herself, as if trying to hide from a judge in the middle of a sentencing session. A silence settled over them for a few seconds, and Maki was sure that Utahime was able to hear her heart hammering her rib cage. She wanted Utahime gone, to leave her alone. She wanted to disappear at that very moment because she didn’t want to hear what was going to come out of the woman’s mouth sitting next to her.

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

"Maki, the last gift Mai left to you is your own life."

There it is.

Last gift.

A gift she never asked for, never wanted.

Because accepting it meant losing what she wanted most in the world. Forced to receive it and sentencing its previous bipolar existence to unipolar. From peer to singular.

The last gift Mai left to you is your own life.

Utahime’s words were etched red-hot into the remnant of her soul, as if marking a beef with a hot iron. She felt a surge of heat flow through her body, a bubbling and explosive hatred stirring inside her, spreading to every corner of her body.

A hatred for the macabre screenwriter who dictated the script of her life. God? Destiny? The universe? Whoever they were, Maki wanted them to rot in hell if that place also existed.

Her fingernails began to sink into her folded arms as small spasms and tremors whipped her. Tremors from the first to the last cell of her body, growing like a devastating tidal wave destroying everything in its path. Her knees shook against her chest in an incoherent manner and her breath was slicing. An irrational fear invaded her, fear of this life that was given to her a second time, uncertainty about finding a new purpose, anguish over her own thoughts.

Her vision began to cloud due to the sea that filled her eyelids. The cry that had not surfaced before erupted like magma being spit out by a volcano. She cried until not a single millimeter of water remained inside her, until her lungs burned due to the tearful screams that her throat emitted. Her shoulders were shivering, her jaw was tense, her lip was bleeding and she wasn’t sure when she bit it to try to smother her sounds.

"W-why... I didn’t want it... not like this... not at her expense... not..." choppy phrases and words slipped from her lips.

Suddenly her hands began to wander to her sides, digging in the sand, dragging stones, in search of something to hold on to, to which to cling as she continued crying. Utahime’s soft hand landed on her right forearm and drew her to herself.

Maki no longer had the strength to oppose anything, so she dropped her body on Utahime’s body and allowed herself to be cradled as her catharsis continued.

A soft melody prevailed over her heartbreaking sounds, transmitting calm.

Utahime was singing.

It was a kind of lullaby, with calm and serene notes that flooded Maki’s senses as she stroked her hair with delicate movements.

Not even their mother did that for her or Mai; not even the maternity lottery could they win.

Her spasms diminished as did her tremors, as Utahime’s melody continued. A huge fatigue settled in her muscles, her body weighed tons and her eyelids threatened to close. With a remnant of a raspy voice from the previous effort of her throat, Maki spoke since she sat in the arena with Utahime.

"I miss her too much, Sensei... I really don’t know what else to do to not want to… leave this... I’m tired."

"I know, dear. I know. It’s impossible for me to even be close to understanding or feeling the great pain in you. But what I do know is that the decision Mai made... she..." Utahime sighed, trying to accommodate her words, to choose them carefully, "...it was not something taken lightly or last minute. Somehow, she decided to accept that fate purely and exclusively for you. Because she trusted that your potential would finally be released and... that you would give her life, her sacrifice, a meaning, Maki. This is all very recent and now you feel lost or adrift... but I’m sure you’ll once again find a reason to keep breathing. Give yourself time to continue processing, you are in mourning. Don’t isolate yourself, look for us, talk to us. We may not be many, but we care about you. Promise yourself you won’t waste Mai’s gift. She will wait for you as long as it takes, until you both meet again... but don’t rush it, don’t overtake it. Please, Maki. For her, for her sacrifice, for her life. Try."

Utahime didn’t receive an immediate response. Instead, thunder echoed from afar. The dark clouds on the horizon began to flash white with each other. A storm was brewing over the school.

Maki began to rise up slowly, without looking at Utahime, as she sat back down looking at the lake. A hard and decisive look appeared in her eyes.

After a few seconds, Maki spoke.

"I will try."

And she would do it.

For Mai.

Utahime closed her eyes briefly at Maki’s words. Then, with a slight bow of her head, she rose, shaking the sand off her clothes. She envisioned the revolver next to Maki, but ignored it. She decided to trust her.

"It will rain soon. Are you coming?"

"Go, I’ll catch you up."

"Okay." and without further ado, Utahime started back into the woods, back to school.

Thunder echoed in the sky with ever-decreasing intervals of silence. Shades of black, dark blue and even slightly greenish painted the torrential clouds, and Maki felt the corner of her lip pull slightly upward, as she visualized the greenish reflections of her sister’s hair in the sky.

"I’ll see you everywhere, huh? Always so eye-catching, lil sister."

Grabbing the revolver by her side, she stood up and took the safety off.

"My life doesn’t mean that much to me, so I’m living for you now."

The sound of a gunshot was heard ringing all around the perimeter, a sudden roar through the air that overshadowed thunder.

The bullet was in the fifth chamber of the revolver.

The bullet casing now rests in the sand.

And the lead tip sinks into the lake, crossing the water, being the only witness of a new promise between twins.