Chapter Text
The drive from the airport seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Leaving Miles with plenty of time to think, although his mind was determined to focus on one thing. Phoenix Wright. He’d barely interacted with the attorney since the conclusion of the Engarde trial and he couldn’t help but worry. The last time he had seen Phoenix he’d looked exhausted. In a way that reminded Miles so much of himself during his early days as a prosecutor. And ever since he had let Phoenix out of his field of view, a lingering anxiety had been clinging to the back of his mind. Part of him wanted nothing more than to go back to his hotel room and sleep off this case. But he knew that if he didn’t at least attempt to talk to Phoenix, he would spend the night buried in his thoughts unable to rest. So, he’d made the somewhat impulsive decision to go back and check on the attorney before returning to his hotel. When he arrived back at the Gatewater Hotel he was immediately greeted by the sight of Gumshoe, Maya and Pearl talking to one another in the lobby. Despite the late hour, the group seemed full of energy discussing something that he couldn’t quite hear. And as he glanced around the room, he realised that something, or more specifically someone, very important was missing. He slowly walked up to the group, clutching onto one of his arms as he braced himself for the chaos this group was sure to rain down upon him. At the sharp click of his shoes approaching, Gumshoe looked up to give him a large goofy grin that normally would have him ready to question him as to whom he shared information with this time.
“Sir! I thought you’d left.”
“No, I was merely seeing Franziska off. I still have some things I need to do here before I leave.” He replied curtly.
“Aww you’re gonna leave again, but you just got back Edgeworth. I haven’t even had a chance to talk to you,” Maya pouted at him in a way that might have been considered childish if it were anyone else.
“Well, not to worry Ms Fey. I plan to spend at least a month here.” Maya smiled brightly at this. “Although that’s not what I’m here for right now. You wouldn’t happen to know where Wright is?” Miles was surprised that Phoenix had willingly left Maya’s side after all that happened over the past couple of days.
“Oh, Nick said he was tired so headed up to his room.”
“Doesn’t Wright live nearby?”
“Yeah, but Will Powers offered to get us a couple of rooms here at the hotel so we could relax for the night.” Maya said as she proudly held up a room key which had the number 328 attached to it.
“I see. Do you know which room Wright is staying in?”
“Um, pretty sure the number was 329. His room was across from ours.”
Miles nodded his head in a silent thanks before turning away from the group, walking away to the group and toward the grand stairs that rested in the centre of the hotel lobby. He had managed to take one step up the extravagant steps before a small voice called out from behind him.
"Mr Edgeworth! Mr Edgeworth!"
Pausing in his stride he turned to the sound of Pearl's voice, the small girl running up to him clutching a small piece of paper in her hand. She paused just in front of him before proudly holding it up to him. A small smile on her face as she brightly chirped at him.
"This fell out of Mr Nick’s pocket earlier. Can you give it back to him?"
“What is it?” Miles reached out his hand, hesitantly accepting the paper. It was folded neatly, the edges slightly bent.
“I don’t know. It would be rude to read it after all.” She replied politely, whilst giving Edgeworth a small glare.
“…of course. I’ll be sure to return it to him right away.”
“Thanks, Mr Edgeworth.” Pearl said before bowing politely and running back up to Maya and Gumshoe.
He turned away from the group once more, sighing to himself as he pocketed the piece of paper. He’d doubted that Phoenix actually wanted to see him right now. The words that he had yelled at Miles at the police station still clung to the back of his mind. Showing him just how far apart they had fallen. But he needed to at least show Phoenix he hadn’t run off again. And he knew it would be best if they sorted out this whole ordeal sooner rather than later. Miles never intended to hurt the attorney, but this year away had been necessary and he hoped to show Phoenix just how much he had grown. Striding up the stairs of the hotel he found himself absentmindedly running his finger along the edge of the paper. His curiosity pushed him to open it, to see what it was. A lingering side effect of scouring over every piece of evidence as a prosecutor. Miles paused in steps, glancing around him before pulling the note back out of his pocket. He was sure Phoenix wouldn’t mind if he just checked the contents of the paper. After all, if it was just a random memo then Phoenix might not even want it back. And if it was something private then he would simply stop reading. Nodding to himself at his logic he began to carefully unfold the note. Making sure not to cause any further damage. He was greeted by the neat handwriting of Phoenix in what appeared to be a short letter. Glancing down the page he felt his stomach start to twist as he realised what this note truly was.
To whoever finds this,
If you are reading this, then I am dead. Please don’t go into the office. Just call the Police and tell them you found this note. I really don’t want anyone to see what I did to finish myself off. I’m sorry to whoever discovered this note, it’s most likely Detective Gumshoe as you’re the only person I seem to speak to these days. But if you happen to be someone looking for a defence attorney then I’m truly sorry to have dragged you into this. Please just make sure that whoever you are, that this note gets passed on to the police. Wouldn’t want them wasting any time on me than necessary. Maya all I can truly say to is I’m sorry. I’ve been lying to you for these past couple of weeks. I wish I could have told you what was going on, but I couldn’t get myself to believe that he was truly gone. I’m sorry we never got those burgers like we promised, and I hope you can forgive me. Stay strong, I know that you’re going to grow and become an incredible leader. And I know that Mia will keep watch over you when I’m gone. Please know that this wasn’t your fault. I’ve simply grown tired of losing that which is important to me. I tried to keep moving on, but I guess now it’s my turn to say Defence attorney Phoenix Wright chooses death.
Miles could barely register just how much his hands were shaking as he hastily shoved the note back into his pocket. He began to run up the stairs, not caring if anyone saw how panicked he was. Once he had climbed up to the third floor, he scanned across each of the doors as he sped past them. By the time he stood in front of room 329, his breathing had been reduced to sharp and desperate pants. He reached his hand up to bang down on the door, loud enough that it most likely disturbed the surrounding guests. Miles would wait only a few seconds before knocking on the door again. His mind running through all the worst possibilities. What if he was too late? What if Phoenix had lied about going back to his room? Before he had the chance to spiral any further the door slowly clicked open. Revealing a half-awake Phoenix. The attorney’s hair was messy, spikes ruffled out of place and slightly squished. He had dressed down slightly. Both his tie and jacket were nowhere to be found. And if Miles weren’t terrified out of his mind, he would have been very distracted by the sight in front of him. Phoenix blinked sleepily at him a few times before he finally seemed to take in just how dishevelled Miles looked.
“Woah, Edgeworth? What happened? Is everything ok?”
Miles panted heavily, eyes glancing over Phoenix checking for any sign of injury or disarray. His mind was finally beginning to slow, now working its way through the most logical path to take. How was he supposed to tell Phoenix what he found? Would he even want to talk to Miles about it? Perhaps he could go get Maya, but would Phoenix be happy if he told someone else about the contents of the note?
“Edgeworth?”
His eyes snapped back up to meet Phoenix’s. The pair stared at each other for a few tense moments before Miles lunged forward. Pushing Phoenix back into his room and slamming the door behind them. He herded Phoenix back towards his bed, ignoring the multiple ‘Woah’s.’ and ‘Edgeworth’s’ that Phoenix called out in an attempt to get his attention. Eventually, Phoenix’s knees hit the edge of his bed, allowing Miles to push him back onto it. He hovered above the attorney watching as he quickly recovered from his fall. But before Phoenix could even attempt to stand back up Miles quickly snapped at him.
“Sit.”
“Ok, ok. Breath Edgeworth, what the hell’s going on?” Phoenix replied calmly, eyes staring sympathetically up at him. Miles felt incredibly vulnerable under his gaze, and he turned his head away as he took a few moments to gather himself before quickly driving a hand down into his pocket.
"Wright, do you recognise this?" He said as he held up the note. The small bit of paper felt like it would drag his hand back down with the weight of its contents, his hand trembling slightly around the paper as he stared at the attorney. He wasn’t sure why he was asking, after all, Phoenix’s name was right there at the bottom of the paper. But maybe part of him still couldn’t believe that the note was real.
The room was dark, the only light source was a lamp that sat on the bedside table. And if Miles hadn’t been watching Phoenix’s face closely for a reaction, he most likely would have missed the way his eyes widened slightly as he realised exactly what Miles was holding in his hand. In a second, Phoenix had blinked away any panic in his eyes, schooling his features to a self-assured grin. He crossed his arms loosely around his chest. Giving off a tone of cocky confidence that only managed to make Miles feel even worse. He looked so wrong. Like someone else was sitting before him trying to play at being Phoenix Wright. The Phoenix he knew was terrible at lying. The Phoenix he knew was honest to a fault and gave his complete trust to anyone he met. The Phoenix he knew didn’t carry around a suicide note.
“Nah, no clue.”
Miles fought back the urge to yell at the other man, closing his eyes for a few moments before replying calmly. “Pearl said it fell out of your pocket earlier. But I guess if you don’t recognise it then you won’t mind me looking inside.”
The bait was plain to see, and still, Phoenix was instantly hooked. His eyes widened in panic once more, his arm twitching at his side slightly before he looked away from Miles. Glaring at the floor as he schooled his features into one of calm indifference. Turning back to Miles with a tight grin he held out his hand expectantly.
“No need to do that. Why don’t you just give it to me.”
“Well, if you don’t remember it then clearly it’s nothing important.” He replied in a indifferent tone, making sure to make a show out of opening the note. If Phoenix wouldn’t admit the note was important then he would just have just to show him the evidence.
“Look Edgeworth I promise you it’s nothing, just give it back already-“ Panic was beginning to seep into Phoenix’s voice and Miles couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.
“Wright.”
“Seriously. I don’t even remember that being in my pocket. It’s probably just a receipt. Now hand it over-”
“Wright, just tell me the truth.”
“I am! I promise, now give me the note Edgeworth, please. You really don’t need to-“
“Phoenix!” He snapped, eyes glaring at the false smile that lay upon the attorney’s face. Anxiety coursed through his veins, twisting into impatience at the way Phoenix still tried to pretend that everything was ok. As if Miles wasn’t currently holding his suicide note. Sighing to himself, he rubbed at his face as he tried to calm himself down, bringing down his hand only to be met with a concerned pair of heterochromatic eyes. “I already read it, so please stop lying to me.”
Phoenix turned away from him as if slapped. His head hung low as the arms that were once loose around his waist tightened into what must have been a painful grip. Miles could hear the way that his breathing slowly began to pick up in pace, the tension that ran throughout his body communicating loud and clear just how uncomfortable Phoenix was right now. Miles found himself hesitating before stepping towards Phoenix. Crouching down until he could kneel directly in front of the attorney. Even with Miles kneeling directly in front of him, Phoenix refused to look up. Doing everything in his power to avoid facing the expression on Miles’s face. Silence stretched out between them for a few minutes as Miles tried to figure out what to say when suddenly the sound of light sniffling filled the air. At first, he hadn’t noticed it, but then Phoenix suddenly brought a hand up to cup at his face. A sharp shaky gasp that stabbed into Miles’s heart. He found himself staring in concern as the carefully built façade of indifference slowly crumbled away before him, leaving behind the broken pieces of a man he barely recognised.
Miles doesn’t even realise he’s reaching out until he feels the solid presence of Phoenix’s shoulder beneath his palm. Allowing him to feel the way the attorney froze instantly at the contact. He made to pull away but before he could Phoenix let out a heart-wrenching sob. The sound was muffled against Phoenix’s palm, but Miles could feel the force of the sobs as they shock through Phoenix’s body. As the cries slowly began to grow in volume, Miles found himself frozen in place. He didn’t know what to do. Affection was a language that had long since been lost to him. Taken from him along with everything else he held dear by Manfred Von Karma. He managed to push Phoenix this far and yet he was no closer to learning the truth. Only managing to cause further harm to the man he cared about. Glancing away with a frown, he forced himself into action. Rising up from the ground so he could join Phoenix on the edge of his bed. Miles shuffled his body closer until he could feel the warmth of Phoenix’s thigh against his own. Once he was settled, he moved an arm to wrap around Phoenix’s shoulder. He hugged the attorney closer to him in a loose half hug before resting his head on Phoenix’s shoulder.
Miles barely had a chance to get used to the sensation of another person leaning against him before Phoenix turned towards him, slamming himself into Miles. The attorney wrapped his arms tightly around Miles’s body as he tucked his neck into his shoulder. The angle was awkward and the cool wetness of tears against his neck was uncomfortable. But despite all of this Miles couldn’t think of anything more comfortable than the weight of Phoenix’s body against his own. He readjusted his hands bringing both of them around Phoenix’s back. Nuzzling his chin into the soft black spikes as he held the attorney close to him. The world seemed to halt around them as Miles held on to the shattered remains of his oldest friend. He eventually began to move one of his hands in a small circle against Phoenix’s shoulder blades. Purposely exaggerating his breathing as he silently tried to get Phoenix to calm down. It took a few moments but soon Phoenix’s hearty snobs began to quieten down into soft sniffles. He brought his hand up to run through Phoenix’s hair, running his hand through the dishevelled spikes a few times before encouraging the attorney to look at him.
Phoenix looked at him before quickly looking away, pushing himself away from Miles as he wiped at his face. Turning away from him before speaking a shaky and hoarse voice. “I’m sorry.”
“Wright you haven’t even done anything. What on earth could you have to apologise about?” Miles asked, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on Phoenix’s shoulder.
“Everything… but mainly what I said back at the police station. I shouldn’t- I didn’t mean it.”
“I’d already forgiven you for that. You were under an extreme amount of stress, I’m sure my sudden reappearance didn’t do much to help.”
“But-“
“But nothing Wright,” he said sternly before sighing, his free hand pulling the note out from his jacket pocket. Holding it delicately in his hand. “ Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
“What, are going to do a welfare check on me, Edgeworth? Didn’t realise Von Karma trained you to be a therapist as well.” Phoenix’s voice was bitter, but he seemed to quickly snap out of his sudden anger as he turned to Miles in a panic. “Wait, shit. I’m sorry that was rude. I- I don’t mind, but I can’t promise you that I’ll be able to answer.”
“That’s alright. Let’s start with something easy. When did you write this? It certainly doesn’t seem like it was made recently.”
“I think it was around a month after you left. I started having trouble keeping track of time after a while, so that might not be right.”
Phoenix had a suicide note ready to be discovered at any moment for almost a year. Miles felt himself grow sick at the knowledge. “Do you always carry it with you?”
“No, usually I just left it on my desk. I hadn’t had a case in ages, so nobody was going to see it. But then Maya came back from her training after that murder in Kurain. She’s always looking through my stuff so I needed to put it somewhere she wouldn’t check.”
“I see.” He paused for a moment, swallowing harshly as he forced himself to ask the next question. “Did you have a plan for how you would proceed after placing the note?”
“No. No, I didn’t. The note was. It was just in case.”
“Just in case?”
Phoenix simply nodded in reply, heterochromatic eyes darting away for a moment before looking back at Miles. A clear sign that the attorney wasn’t going to elaborate.
“Wright, do you mind telling me why you felt like you needed to write this note.”
“I don’t want to bother you with that Edgeworth.” Phoenix said stiffly.
“If I asked you to tell me then clearly it won’t bother me.”
“…I was just tired, I guess. I’d spent so long chasing after you, I had it set in my mind that I could help you overcome this sadness. And I knew it was foolish to build my life around one person, but I didn’t care. I’d lost you once and just when I thought I had you back you managed to slip away again.” Phoenix sighed before moving his hand to grab at the one Miles had placed on his shoulder. Bringing it down so they lay entwined together in Phoenix’s lap. “I refused to believe it when Gumshoe told me about the note. I remember calling you, waiting for you to answer and of course you never did. You were supposed to be dead. But still, I clung onto hope because dead people don’t keep their phones connected. But then I realised that if you were alive you were choosing to ignore me, and I couldn’t figure out what was worse. The idea that you were dead or the idea that you were out there somewhere alive, and you just never let me know.”
“Phoenix…” He didn’t know how to reply. Sure, he wasn’t dead, but how was Phoenix supposed to know that? He remembered receiving those calls. Remembered as he stared down at his phone was a heavy feeling in his stomach. Because he was supposed to be dead, he’d simply failed. And he knew that he needed to change before he could allow himself to face Phoenix again. But why hadn’t he told anyone the truth? Even he didn’t know the answer to that question.
“I know the answer now of course. Even if I’m still angry, I’m glad you’re alive but at that time, with Mia being dead as well as Maya going back to Kurain. I couldn’t take it anymore. Constantly losing the people I cared about, again, and again. Everything started to lose its purpose. I didn’t take on any cases, and I started purposely ignoring people's texts. It felt like I was just drifting away into nothing. And I let myself because giving in was so much easier than trying to cling on to the hope that you would come back.”
“I’m so sorry Phoenix. If I had known how much you were suffering so much, I would have…” He would have what? All he needed to do was call back and maybe none of this would have ever happened. While he was off improving himself, he’d left one of the most important people in his life to believe that he was dead. How was he supposed to explain that to Phoenix?
“I mean I had a way to cope with it for a while, the hopelessness I mean. But it stopped being enough after a while” Phoenix’s voice was distant for a moment, eyes glazing over for a second before focusing on Miles once more.
“And what was it?”
“Hmm?”
“What did you do to cope?”
Phoenix hesitated for a moment before replying, eyes darting away as if caught in a trap only he could see. He pulled his hand away from Miles. Grabbing onto his forearm, his fingers ran slowly over the soft material of his shirt.
“It’s not really important.”
“It’s important to me.”
The attorney still refused to reply. Tension was slowly returning to his body, and he seemed to be actively trying not to run away from Miles. Phoenix’s fingers seemed to be tracing over something he couldn’t see. His thumb made small, short lines over the white fabric. It was short and uniform almost like… Oh no.
“Phoenix?” He kept his voice soft, smiling gently as heterochromatic eyes flicked back to look at him. He paused for a moment, thinking of how best to phrase his question. “Have you been intentionally hurting yourself?”
The sharp inhale of breath was the only answer he received. But he knew exactly what it meant. Slowly he reached out his hand, giving Phoenix plenty of time to pull away. He grabbed at his wrist before pulling it out towards him. Making sure to take care as he pulled down Phoenix’s shirt. Across his forearm lay short shallow cuts. He ran his thumb across the border of the cuts, feeling himself tear up slightly at the sight before him. They seemed to all be in various stages of healing, although none of them appeared recent. Almost as if sensing his thoughts, Phoenix dragged in a shaky breath before beginning to speak.
“I stopped doing it when Maya came back. It didn’t want to risk her finding out.”
“Do you mind telling me what made you start?” He brought his hand down to wrap around Phoenix’s, giving him a short squeeze of encouragement.
“It… it didn’t start off like this. At first, it was food. I’d forget to eat, but once I realised that my hunger stopped me from thinking about everything I started to not eat on purpose. And then one day when my thoughts were too loud, I accidentally gave myself a paper cut. And it was like-“ Phoenix cut himself with a shaky gasp, his head falling forward to rest on Mile’s shoulder as he collected himself. “The pain was so much better than the hunger. So, I started eating again and instead, I started doing this. I never went that deep, I was too afraid of what would happen. But then I started wondering about what would happen if I did go deeper. I would think about how much easier it would be if I just gave up and that’s when-“ A sharp sob cut him off quickly and Phoenix shock his head against Mile’s shoulder as if unable to go on.
“That’s when you wrote the note.” He filled in the blank for Phoenix, voice unusually strained against the words.
All he received in reply was a shaky nod. Phoenix was slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto him. Miles could feel the way tremors ran through his body, the slight dampness of tears tickling against his neck. But Phoenix didn’t make any noise. His body drained from their conversation. He simply leaned up against Miles, his body limp as he finally let himself feel everything he had been pushing back these past few days. Slowly, Miles moved his hands back up to wrap Phoenix into a light hug. Receiving no reaction from the attorney. He could already tell that he was going to get nothing more out of Phoenix tonight. Pulling Phoenix closer to him he kicked off his shoes. He then wrapped his arms tightly around the attorney before he began to slowly push them both up the bed. Dragging them upwards until Miles was able to rest their heads on the soft pillows. With the sudden shift in position, Miles could see the wet sheen of tears sliding down Phoenix’s face, heterochromatic eyes glazed over with exhaustion.
Reaching out slowly he brought his hands up to cup at Phoenix’s face. As his warm hands brushed against the wet tracks he could hear Phoenix let in a small gasp. Blinking his eyes rapidly as he dragged himself out of his mind. Miles stared into heterochromatic eyes as he rubbed his thumb along the soft planes of Phoenix’s face. Smiling softly when, finally, Phoenix seemed to look at him instead of through him. Phoenix still didn’t speak, choosing instead to lean into the gentle caresses he was receiving. A few stray tears trickled down his face only to be wiped away by Miles’ touch. He paused for a few moments, fighting with himself internally before cautiously leaning down. Pressing a feather-light kiss to Phoenix’s forehead. As he pulls away, he finds Phoenix staring at him with wide eyes and feels himself begin to panic. Was that the wrong thing to do? Had he made Phoenix uncomfortable? He barely had a chance to spiral before soft lips were pressed against his own in a much more solid kiss. He melted into the sensation, grabbing at the back of Phoenix’s head to bring him closer as he returned the action.
Everything seemed fine until suddenly tension began to build in Phoenix once more. The soft kisses they shared grew frantic as Phoenix rolled himself on top of Miles. His breathing was slowly turning into pants. But they didn’t seem pleased in the slightest. Miles could feel the way Phoenix was trembling on top of him. The way he seemed to press himself impossibly close as if attempting to merge their bodies together.
“Phoenix-“
He tried to get Phoenix’s attention, but the attorney seemed determined to finish what he had started, as if was terrified that Miles was going to disappear the moment he fell asleep. Part of Miles wanted to just give in and let himself give in to the pleasure of finally being with Phoenix. But the sharp tremble of Phoenix’s hand showed him that Phoenix wasn’t in the right headspace to be making decisions as important as this.
“Phoenix, slow down.” He said in a slightly sterner voice and Phoenix's eyes widened in shock before he quickly looked down in guilt. He tried to roll himself off of Miles, but Miles was quick to stop him. He wasn’t going to let Phoenix believe that wasn’t something the both of them wanted. The attorney opened his mouth to talk but Miles shut him up by kissing him softly on the lips, pulling away a few centimetres before continuing. “You’re ok. We don’t need to rush this. I’m not going anywhere.”
Phoenix stared at him for a couple of seconds, head slowly tilting down into a nod before he leaned back towards Miles. Nestling his head against Miles's shoulder he hesitantly wrapped an arm around Miles’s pulling them closer together. Miles was quick to reciprocate. Moving a hand to rest against Phoenix’s neck the other moving to rest against his back. Encouraging Phoenix to come closer, to rest more of his weight on top of him. He slowly began to run his hand in gentle up and down motions against Phoenix’s back. Feeling as the attorney began to unconsciously relax as he drifted off into a restless sleep. It didn’t take long until Miles was met with quiet snores as the attorney nestled closer to him. The exhaustion of everything recently finally made itself known. A small smile appeared on his face which quickly fell as he felt the light weight that lay in his jacket pocket. He cautiously slid his hand away from Phoenix’s back before reaching down to pull the note out of his pocket. In the soft glow of the lamp, he found himself glancing over the words once more. It still hurt just as much as the first time but now he found himself going back to those horrible set of words.
I couldn’t get myself to believe that he was truly gone.
Miles didn’t sleep that night.