Chapter Text
The constant construction had slowed somewhat in this part of Edge. Every time Cloud came home after a delivery run or visits away from the city, he came back to a quieter street and a healthier one at that. Marlene and Tifa—along with some survivors from Sector 5 with ample support from Reeve—had started some community gardens and green spaces to try and bring some life back to the wastes. A lot of his deliveries recently had him stopping between Edge and the Grasslands for supplies. Didn’t bring in much money, but oh well. Anything for the kids, was his mantra every time he tied down another sack of topsoil to Fenrir or cradled a new seedling.
The garden Avalanche and their neighbors started in the backlot between their apartments was the first in Edge. Cloud had built a shed back here for storing and working on Fenrir initially; however, now it was just as much a communal space for storing all the gardening equipment. Nanaki had been the biggest help given he had knowledge how to grow things in an arid place. They still had to import a lot of aid from Kalm, but each passing year gave them more yams, millet, and other staples that could keep much of the block fed and that was enough. Between WRO and the help from Cosmo Canyon, Edge became a little less hellish to live in every single day.
Pulling into the shed, Cloud cut power to Fenrir and smiled at the small buds of the flowers growing on the window sill. They were little yellow ones. Somehow he ended up with old seeds in his bedroll while living at the Church and never noticed, yet Marlene did and insisted they had to try growing the flowers. He brushed a finger over one the delicate leaves. It had been many years since…well, everything. Each day had gotten better. A little easier. “You would’ve loved to watch them grow up…” Cloud whispered to the flowers.
The way his heart clenched whenever he thought of Aerith also grew lighter with time. Less constriction in his chest. Even if he still felt it as his gloved fingers caressed the velvet petals. The want for her to be here, alive, and getting to do all the little mundane things the world had to offer was still so strong, and perhaps that loss would never really leave. But she asked him to live . Said she was happy despite it all. In the water, Cloud finally believed both things could be possible. So after Advent Day, he did try to live, and—despite it all—he thought he could finally grasp what peace felt like again.
Cloud huffed to himself and finally pulled away from the flowers. There wasn’t any reason to linger when he had people waiting for him. He untied a small package from the back then slid it under his arm before leaving to lock up the shed. Outside, the air was cool like it always was during wasteland nights. The moon hung as a silver sliver in the sky past the ever growing metropolis and lit the murals groups of kids and teens were painting to brighten up their little ramshackle of the a city. If Cloud listened close he could hear a faint hum of cicadas. Or maybe that was the thrum of the lifestream as it attempted to heal this scar upon the land. Reeve recently found a way to clean the mako pools of all the “treatments” and now it was a matter of ‘returning what was taken’ or so he and Bugenhagen said. There was a little more hope that everything they did hadn’t been for nothing.
Cloud meandered through the garden. Taking stock of everything currently growing and if he’d need to phone Oliver for anything in the morning. Nothing was browning or seemed singed. Each box contained a different set of crops that grew well together. ‘Brothers and sisters’ Nanaki had called them. The water pump also seemed to be doing a lot better with the more frequent rainfall the wastes had been getting.
Spices and the savory smell of ribs was the first thing that greeted him once he walked in from the back door. Laughter and conversation flowed in from the main bar area. Seemed like everyone wanted to eat down here rather than in the living room upstairs then. Cloud smirked at the deep cadence and booming voice which rose above all the others. Barret had come home today while he’d been out. He secured the package tighter so it didn’t jingle and move as quietly as he could around the corner—wanting to listen for as long as he could before needing to pick a space to fill. Tifa spoke quietly and away from the group. So, she was probably around the bar.
Peaking around the corner, Cloud saw his family gathered around a larger round-table at the center of the bar. Barret was the only extra one here tonight; it’d still be a few weeks before everyone got together again for a holiday coming up. Tifa was, indeed, back behind the counter pouring a chilled drink into a glass. There was a small feast of ribs and fries piled up on plates at the center of the table for everyone to pick at. Marlene and Denzel were clinging to Barret’s side while he regaled them with one of the more fun stories from their travels. Nestled in a chair was Chadley reading one of his new books Cloud brought home from Kalm. Their android was the first to look his way; his face instantly lighting up. “Cloud! It’s a relief to see you finally home!”
“Well I’ll be!” Barret placed his elbow down on the table to lean forward. “I thought I heard you roll in, was getting worried you’d be gone til tomorrow.”
Smirking, Cloud tilted his head back and finally let himself enter the bar. “Nope. You gotta deal with me for the long haul.”
“Well shit. As-if I haven’t been dealing with your ass for the past six years.” Barret’s eyes were light as he leveled a smirk in Cloud’s direction. He waved him closer. “Get in here and sit before the food gets cold.”
Tifa had been extravagant with the candles tonight, and a fire crackled in the small stone fireplace on the right wall, so the bar had a warm, cheerful mood to it. Turning to the bar, Cloud stopped to give Tifa a hug and deposit the package onto the counter. She wrapped him tight with one arm whilst holding onto the glass she was drying. “Not gonna eat?” Cloud asked.
She shook her head. “Already did. Kids wanted to wait for you to get home.”
“What did you bring, Cloud?” Denzel shouted over from the table.
Casting a glance down at the box, then back to the boy, Cloud smirked and drummed his fingers against it. If anyone was gonna be excited about what was in it, it’d be Denzel. Marlene a very close second. He maneuvered until he was standing to cut-off their view; then looked around as-if he was utterly confused Cloud held out his hands. “What box? Did I bring a box home? Must have been a parcel I forgot to deliver or something…”
Barret guffed and rolled his eyes. But he didn’t put a stop to Cloud’s fun, so he must be in a pretty good mood tonight. Denzel’s face pulled into a humorous mirror of Tifa’s ‘angry look’— or so the kids put it—and he opened his mouth to say something else when Chadley placed down his book. “By my estimations, you did bring something back with you, Cloud,” he responded. “And I believe it is in poor form to make the recipient wait. The curiosity could be too much to bear, you know.”
“Yeah! What Chadley said!” Denzel said. “I’m gonna die if you don’t tell me what it is!”
Marlene was the next to lean forward. She added her own impressive set of puppy dog eyes to Denzel’s imploring ones that almost made Cloud want to concede. “You came back late and aren’t gonna tell us what’s in the box? What if daddy and Tifa say it’s bed time before we get to see?”
Casting another forlorn glance at the box, Cloud briefly considered that possibility right before Tifa touched his arm with a broad smile. She took a quick look at the kids—all three of them were still right up to the edge of their seats like he could ask them to come over any moment—then gestured towards the table again. “I promise he’ll let y’all open it before bed. Isn’t that right, Cloud?”
“Course he is!” Barret said before Cloud could even get his mouth open. His voice took on a softer, lulling tone as he ruffled both Denzel and Marlene’s hair with his real and prosthetic hands. “I wouldn’t send y’all off to bed and not let you see. Though, I know delivery boy hasn’t had anything to eat if he’s been driving all day, so we should let him have at least a little something.”
Neither of the kids looked all that happy, yet they capitulated with a soft ‘okays’ and easily let Barret distract them once again. Cloud released a small breath. Some might’ve called him a little childish, but he wanted to make sure this gift had the right build up—even if it was a small thing. His right hand drifted over his pocket and the little lump hidden in there with a small smile. Even if they knew the box was a gift, he still had a trick up his sleeve. He glanced over at the soft thunk of a glass.
Tifa pushed the crystal a little closer. “Some water. Make sure you wash up.”
“I will,” Cloud said.
She then slid past him and back to the table with her own glass in hand. Cloud paused with the glass pressed to his lips so he could watch his family converse a little longer. Four years since Advent Day—six since Meteorfall—and there wasn’t a day that went by anymore where he didn’t send a quiet thanks to Freyr for the peace and keeping everyone together. Even if it was hard to fully accept at times. The faint, horrid promise of his memories never growing quiet still gave him pause, yet they grew shorter and more faded with each passing day. They were fine. He was fine. Perhaps…his chains were finally broken like Fenrir promised they could be.
The water was blessedly cool on his throat, and each sip chilled then eased the nerves he got when thinking back on it all. Setting down the glass, he rounded the bar, removed his driving gloves, and washed up. The promise of food finally let him notice the pangs in his stomach. Those ribs and fries smelled even better than they had a few second ago.
Hands finally clean, Cloud finally took the seat between Denzel and Tifa. His kid handed him a tinfoil wrapped plate which had been hiding amongst the fixings, and Cloud smiled at the warmth on the metal as he unwrapped it. “Fýr llanidd,” Cloud said.
Denzel took the opportunity to stumble his way through asking Cloud about his day in Nibelig, and Cloud answered slow and clear while Denzel and Marlene both nodded along. Tifa threaded her fingers through Denzel’s hair while correcting his follow-up question. About a year ago—at Nanaki and Yuffie’s insistent encouragement—Cloud committed to help teach the kids Nibelig. He hadn’t seen the need at first, being so far from the Nibelfolk and barely anyone speaking the tongue in Edge, but hearing all three of the kids saying things in his mother’s tongue…it did feel good. Touch and go as it was, all of them were doing well.
He groaned when he bit into the first of his rack of ribs. They were spiced with a recipe shared between Corel and Nibel—hot then savory with hints of hickory and applewood—and smoked to where the meat fell off bone to melt in one’s mouth. Suddenly feeling his hunger, Cloud scarfed down the first rib. He barely wiped his mouth before grabbing another as the table fell into comfortable conversation. “I’m glad you like the food,” Tifa said before sipping at her drink. “Remember those spices Cid brought as a gift a few weeks ago? I used one of dad’s old recipes with that and I think they turned out perfect.”
Licking the sauce from his lips, Cloud nodded. “Jot down what that mix is. If we can get a deal with Oliver I think these would sell.”
“Ever the bushiness man,” Tifa teased.
There was a humored look in her eyes when she brought her glass back up and Cloud chuckled. “Like you didn’t think of it first, Tif.”
“She was waiting on you to get home,” Denzel said. “With how picky you are over barbecue, if you like them Cloud, anybody would like them.”
Sighing, Cloud wiped off his mouth and fingers while the rest of the table snickered. “I’ll take that as a compliment to having good taste.” He sought out his glass, yet the second he pressed it to his lips one of the many things on his list came back to mind. “Oh yeah, Barret, Mildred wanted me to let you know she’s got the schematics for the windmills down.”
“Oh? Has she now?” Barret said.
“Yeah. With the tweaks Reeve and y’all worked on, she’s gotten Kalm transitioned fully to the windmills for power. Haven’t needed to use the backup generators in about two months, which was the stress test, and she’s gonna get WRO to build them out across the Grasslands again. Or that’s what she told me to tell you.”
“Well, I’ll be! That’s even better than what Reeve was saying!”
“But, Daddy,” Marlene peeped up. “What’s gonna happen to North Corel if we don’t need as much coal? The town just got back up on their feet.”
His gaze turning a bit pensive, Barret thought for a moment before he lightened once again with a more determined look. “You don’t gotta worry about our home, sweetheart. We all knew reopening the mines was gonna be a temporary fix, so we’ve been getting the town self sufficient again—“
“Nanaki and Fellow Bugenhagen?” Chadley asked. He was glancing at something in his monocle with a curious look. “Corel and Cosmo Canyon are both arid environments, if vastly different from one another. Given they’ve assisted us out here in the wastes, I presume they’ve offered their expertise.”
“I was getting to that Chadley. But yeah, them and other towns cross Corel are helping out, and it’s ‘bout damn time on that,” Barret punctuated that by lightly banging a fist against the table.
Tifa and Cloud both raised their glasses. Barret had gone above and beyond for North Corel for the last few years, and it was a town proud to have both Marlene and him again. Even if every corner of Gaia had been changed by Shinra and Meteorfall, people were clawing back their dignity and futures. Finished with his report, Cloud continued to eat while the conversation drifted around him. Marlene and Denzel went into a talking about how Chadley had taken them out to the flower-field on the edge of the Wastelands. While his brows piqued at that, he left Tifa and Barret to triage what the real story was.
Denzel puffed out his chest, clearly proud. “I was responsible! I made sure the take the knife Cloud made for me and helped Chadley keep an eye out for monsters!”
“My maps easily sufficed, but Denzel was indeed a great help,” Chadley said.
Cloud shared a quick glance and smile with Tifa before she went back to commending the boy. He took a quick glance at the package; feeling more secure in his decision. Both Tifa and him had been talking about this for a great many months. Denzel was getting older. While he was still a little kid, Cloud couldn’t deny that fact nor did Denzel ever take kind to them forgetting he used to be a “scrap picker.” The boy is as hard headed as Cloud was when he was younger. Ma and Pa would have been proud seeing him passing on the lesson they gave him, and gods if his Ma wasn’t better than he’d ever given her credit for.
The wistful mood stayed with him while Cloud finished off his plate. Not much of the conversation could pull him out of the rotating thoughts and half-fuzzy memories, and the table seemed to allow him his revelry. Cloud grounded his mind on the wafting scent of the candles. They, too, smelled like the whisper of a long-gone home. Wouldn’t be a coincidence given he picked them up from a different village in Nibel a few months ago on a longer delivery out that way. Only when Tifa rose from the table and the kids followed her did Cloud snap back. He had a few fries left on his plate.
Barret’s larger form drew closer; a serious expression carved onto his face. Lowering the fries back down, Cloud tilted his head then shifted towards his friend while keeping one eye on Tifa and all the kids. His old friend’s face softened a whole lot at Marlene’s delight when Tifa flipped the shaker, and it did not harden when he looked back at Cloud. There was a little more white in his beard and hair then when Cloud had seen him last. Little reminders of how they were getting older, and Cloud was glad now that finally gave him a sense of peace rather than constant dread and loss.
“You doing alright?” Barret asked first.
It was easy for Cloud to nod rather than wince at that question now. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m doing better. Sorry I spaced out.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout that, and that’s good to hear.” Barret lowered himself even more before his voice dropped to a whisper. “Tifa called and told me what happened a few weeks ago. ‘Bout you being riled into a panic and sitting out in the living room clutching First Ken like Sephiroth was gonna come waltzing through the bar.”
Nervous, Cloud scratched at his left arm. His eyes dropped away from Barret at the memory while he felt at the leathery divot scars of long healed geostigma. It reminded him that everything was fine now. He had survived. Danzel had survived. Gaia yet breathed and her pulse was strong. So what if some nights shadows took on forms and panic spread along his bones? He could live with that for peace. Pushing down the need to deflect, Cloud worked his throat and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Yeah….yeah. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened that night.”
“You don’t gotta apologize, Cloud. Tifa and the kids were worried ‘bout you. Chadley said he sat with you all night until you finally laid the sword down.”
“I know…”
Barret placed a gentle hand on Cloud’s shoulders and pulled him a little closer. “I ain’t ragging on you. I just wanna make sure you are doing better, kid.”
Cloud huffed. “’Kid?’ You still gonna call me that after I hit 30?”
“Damn straight.”
Everyone else glanced over at the hearty laugh Cloud gave out and he quickly covered his mouth before putting one finger to his lips. Unperturbed, Chadley asked Tifa a question about marketing the non-alcoholic drinks then the attention of was swiftly back off Barret and him. Cloud circled the rim of his glass with a finger. Wondering how he could word this. Barret’s large hand rubbed a few little circles into his back before it retreated so the man could sip at his own drink. “Well it wasn’t…him. I can tell you that much,” Cloud started.
His old friend waited for him to elaborate. Aside from Tifa, and Vincent at times, Barret was still the one he felt most comfortable discussing everything that lingered, and he’d gotten better at listening and leaning on Cloud in turn. Even a year or two ago he’d deny it, yet, now doing so felt ridiculous.
“It was—“ stringing his fingers together, the words died on his lips and he was forced to find new ones to fill their place. “All I was seeing were shadows, I know that now. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something outside—“
“But it wasn’t anything more than a feeling—“
“Yeah that wasn’t what it felt like, Barret!” Cloud hissed low. Thinking back on it had anxiety curling in his chest like a snake wound to strike. “I knew there was something out in the dark. Something that wanted to hurt Tifa and the kids. No matter what she, Marlene, Denzel, or Chadley told me, I needed to sit there and watch it before it came up those stairs. I don’t know what got to me—and it does sound ridiculous now—but it was real to me.”
Barret stayed quiet while Cloud ran his nails over the fabric of his pants. Every cotton thread of the denim was something he paid mind; counting them all in his mind while the tension released. Thinking on it pulled him back into the fear. Not necessarily of the moment itself, but everything it represented in his mind. “Every time I think I’m finally better, it happens again. I’m tired of seeing shadows, Barret.”
“What if it don’t ever go away, Cloud? With all the shit that happened to you, I ain’t surprised your head don’t wanna let it go.”
The way Barret asked was free of judgment or even pity for that matter. Yet, it made Cloud feel so incredibly weary. Tifa had said the same that afternoon once his episode had passed. At least that one had been only a few hours. All of them were worried, and Cloud couldn’t find it in him anymore to be nothing but resigned and tired over it.
“Then I guess I’ll have to live with it,” he stated. “Threatening fiends at the end of my bed with materia, or feeling paranoid over shit that isn’t real, only occasionally is better than Sephiroth literally fucking with my head.”
“I guess…” Barret trailed off.
It wasn’t a resolution. They never did find one when the topic came up; but, unfortunately, Cloud felt there wasn’t really one for his head stuff. Tipping back the last of his water, he closed his eyes for a moment before pulling a smile on Barret. The older man still looked pensive and put out. “Hey—“ Cloud tilted his head back and gave Barret a light-hearted jab to the side— “I’m fine. This ‘cocky bastard’ ain’t going nowhere again, and it doesn’t make my life any harder than it used to be. I know how to live with it.”
A small bit of mirth returned to Barret’s eyes. He shook his head and ruffled Cloud hair before he could even attempt a protest or to bat those huge hands away. “Well, I can at least take solace in knowing you’re as hardy as a damn cockroach! If it becomes too much to bear, you’ll come to us, alright?”
Cloud nodded instantly. “I will.”
Their silence became comfortable after that. Serious talks like this also were so much easier these days. It was rare now he felt the need to run or pull himself out of the whole interaction when things turned to him. Maybe Reeve was right and he was—dreadfully—becoming an adult. Or maybe he finally, truly, felt comfortable in himself and his family after all the pain and all the doubt. It took him long enough. Far too long. Were Aerith and Zack happy he was finally living?
Blinking, Cloud’s eyes drifted over to the clock. He startled at how late it was and bolted upright in his chair. Beside him, Barret also started but Cloud paid him no mind. “Denzel, Marlene!” Everyone else turned to look at him while he rounded the table to make it back to where he’d set the box. Trading his glass for a knife, Cloud beckoned them closer. “I did promise y’all would get to see these before bed, and it’s gotten pretty late.”
One pass over the tapped up top and two at the sides let the flaps pop open. Both of the kids excitement grew dreadful the longer Cloud had them wait, and each of their little hands seemed itching to dive in. Deep footsteps told him Barret joined them before he settled behind Marlene. White paper crinkled in his hands as Cloud unwrapped the parcel. A deep smile carved itself into his face when he lifted the personalized bridles where both kids could see them, and the bubble of happiness overflowed at their delighted gasps.
“Chocobo bridles?!” Denzel asked, stars in his eyes.
Marlene looked ready to start jumping for joy. “You’re gonna teach us how to ride, Cloud?!”
He nodded. Each bridle was made of the best quality leather Cloud himself could hunt. Chloe had dyed and embroidered the pieces to make them one of a kind and for Denzel and Marlene alone. It’d been weeks of work and a pretty bit of gil, but Cloud didn’t regret a cent.
“Yeah. I’ve been talking with Barret and Tifa and, now that Billy has some new birds reared up, we agreed it’s time to teach you both.” His eyes fell to Denzel in particular while he passed each kid their gift. “Especially if a certain someone wants to help me out on deliveries one day.” Cloud’s hand went to his pocket. It took a moment for Denzel to fully grasp what Cloud was saying, but it was obvious once he pulled out a bracer fit to the kid’s size. He lowered himself to one knee.
“Denzel, you’ve been diligent when I teach you how to use a sword, and you’re old enough to be learning how to control materia. It’s still gonna be a few years before I take you with me in earnest…but I know you’re ready for this.”
Taking Denzel’s arm in his hands, Cloud placed the bracer around it. There was a small sniffle. Then a set of small arms threw themselves around his neck with the metal pieces of the bridle hit him with reckless abandon. Yet, he couldn’t find it even in him to wince. Not when Denzel babbled out a ‘thank you’ with promises to do right by Cloud like he always did. When Marlene tackled them both, he only let out a small ‘oof’ as he fell to the floor with the kids as a heap on-top of him.
Maybe you’ve done right by them, he thought, knowing it wasn’t only the kids he was thinking about.