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Starkhaven.
Fenris was sure that if he had not ended up in Kirkwall, he would have made it to Starkhaven. He left a thought at the edge of his imagination, the thought that even under different circumstances he would have met Sebastian Vael. He was not used to indulging in fantasy, and could not craft a story like Varric could, so the gaps of how and why turned into territory he could not cross.
Starkhaven seemed very far away.
The fires that had burned through Kirkwall had gone out one by one through the long night, leaving a morning air that was neither mist nor smoke. Every breath was a reminder, even when his eyes were closed to the destruction, even when his back was turned, when he ignored the talk around him. Some people wandered the streets as if lost. He didn't want to be one of them.
"Fenris." Hawke waved to him from the door of her estate. "Come in."
Inside, he was not surprised to see that Anders was still under Hawke's protection. Bodahn and Sandal were in travelling gear, their luggage gathered near them.
Hawke followed his gaze. "They're going to Orlais. I'm leaving too. With Anders."
"You are sure?"
Hawke nodded.
Fenris looked over at Anders, who was facing the unlit fireplace. "And then? What city will you destroy next?"
"None." One syllable from Anders. Bitter, emphatic.
Sebastian would find them, if he was determined. "Are you coming back?"
Hawke shook her head. "I don't know."
There was no more Champion of Kirkwall. That too had changed. "Life on the run..." It was something they had all experienced.
"I'll be careful." Hawke sighed and looked around. "If you stay... This house, I want it to be here for Bethany. Even if neither of us comes back for years, it's still ours."
Fenris couldn't make any promises. "Where is she?"
"Already gone. And Isabela's getting us out. If you want to see her... come with us to the docks."
Isabela. He had the desire to see her before she left, but not to trouble her to stop and talk. "There is no need for me to go. But tell her I wish her well."
"I will."
Hawke nodded and picked up the pack she was taking with her. Anders had a similar one, and Fenris left the estate to get out of their way.
Bodahn stopped by him and gave Fenris a gracious goodbye before heading off with Sandal. Anders walked a few steps away.
"Here." Hawke pressed a key into his hand. "I really... I hope to see you again, one day. You have been a good friend. And I want you to be happy." She smiled.
"Thank you, Hawke."
The key was warm but her hands were cold. She let go.
"Goodbye, Fenris."
He thought of Sebastian again.
Fenris had stayed for Hawke, and now they were both gone. He understood both their reasons but felt the pang of uncertainty follow him everywhere. He had stopped running, made a new life. Now everyone else was moving on. Starkhaven beckoned, an invitation, an opportunity.
Yet he did not find the urge to leave Kirkwall.
Careful as he was through the chantry courtyard, the debris still pressed into the soles of his feet. He stopped to look up. The statue of Andraste had remained standing, although no longer fully upright from the force of the blast. Scars of black and layers of dust that had fallen through the night took away the familiar shine, the gold almost grey in the dull morning light. No longer surrounded by the warmth of red candles, the exposed statue rose from the rubble to loom over the city, looking up at the sky.
A few guards and a templar lingered at the edges, kicking obstructions out of the way, dissuading citizens from getting too close. Even now the broken chantry crumbled and collapsed, sending the odd piece of rubble onto the cleared paths.
They would have to pull out the bodies. The fleeting what if of Sebastian being one of them was enough to disorient him for a horrible moment. He had been staring for a few minutes when he heard his name.
Donnic's voice. "Everything all right?"
Fenris glanced at him and nodded. With everything that had happened, Aveline and Cullen were the highest ranking leaders in the city, and everyone would be looking to them. "Aveline taken a break yet?"
"Not since she woke up, that I know of."
"Does she know about Hawke?"
Donnic gave a nod. He looked over at his fellow guards. "She just told me. We have a busy day ahead, but I'm sure your company will be appreciated."
"I will see if I can be of any help."
"That would be welcome." Donnic said, before leaving him to cross the courtyard.
Hawke's key had left an imprint in his hand. Fenris flexed his fingers and walked through into the hall of his mansion. The Hawke estate, empty. Like his own.
It was only while speaking to Aveline that Fenris realised the vulnerable position he was in now that Sebastian, Hawke, Anders and Isabela were gone. It turned out that even Merrill had gone with the latter group, according to Varric. She had been waiting with Isabela when Hawke reached the docks. Fenris would not miss her in the slightest but it did mean he had fewer people around him should Varania send someone after him. He was powerless to keep her from knowing and could only hope the news of the Champion's departure was lost in the focus on the Chantry.
"I could use your help," said Aveline, "I just don't know what for. I don't even know where to start. Some of the estates near the chantry are uninhabitable. I'm surprised yours is still intact."
"Mine was never in that good a condition to begin with. Although..."
"What?"
"It's nothing. I did some work on it." It seemed so long ago now that Sebastian and the others had helped him. Only Orana was left.
"I know the debris will take weeks to clear away. I don't know a part of Kirkwall that hasn't been affected."
Each passing day made Fenris' path through the city easier. The courtyard was being cleared at a surprising rate, a mixture of volunteers and people scavenging through the rubble for their own gain.
Aveline took pleasure in organising her additional workforce, despite it being a responsibility she could do without. Her focus was in clearing the city and rehoming its inhabitants. Those whose homes had been damaged, mages who refused to remain in the Gallows, new arrivals who had known nothing of the troubles.
Fenris visited the Keep several times a day. He, like many in the city, had found that routine was the best way to move forward. He may have longed for the random adventures he had with Hawke, jumping into situations with determination and passion, but he paced his day, working and touching base with the few friends he had left.
"Master Fenris."
Fenris stopped in the middle of the Keep's entrance hall, which had always been so full of nobles, now only busy with the activity of the guard.
Seneschal Bran approached him from the stairs.
"I notice you're not taking any coin for the assistance you offer the Guard Captain."
"I didn't know the guard expenses went your way."
"With no Viscount, everything comes my way."
"I do not do it seeking payment."
"You are due recompense of some sort, and if the Guard Captain doesn't arrange it, it will fall to me."
"There is no need."
"I wouldn't want the office to be accused of... unpaid labour. A few volunteers is one thing, but a person of your talents is quite another."
"So you do it to avoid scandal."
"Forgive me if I like things done properly."
Fenris was sure that a lot of underhand things could be accomplished even when things were done properly.
Aveline leaned against her desk, looking at a scrawled report. Fenris would have trouble with the neat version let alone a hasty mess like that.
"Cullen's had a letter from Orlais."
"Bad news I take it?"
"They're sending more agents, this time openly. I'm not sure I can keep them from interfering."
"It is inevitable."
Aveline sighed and poured some tea, long gone cold by the absence of steam.
"I'm giving up the mansion."
"What?"
"I do not need it."
"Are you leaving?"
"No." Fenris moved to the window. "Hawke gave me the key to her estate, and Orana cares for it alone. It is a waste. You may use the mansion as you see fit."
Aveline sipped her tea. "It might serve for some of the Hightown residents. They'd be near their homes, at least."
"I will be out before the evening."
"You will not be able to remain inconspicuous living in Hawke's estate."
"I do not care what people think of me. They will learn I am no squatter."
"Donnic will want to know."
When he had tired of the morning, Fenris returned to the mansion. It would be the last time. He finished up the little food he had left. The small bottle of Antivan liqueur was upstairs. He looked at the label.
C b e r
r g
Cberg?
No. I do not know.
A p
p l e
A p l e
Apple.
Double letters confused him. He had figured out the second word but could only guess the first from the picture. Cherry. He could not yet connect the words he knew with their spellings. It was slow work. Perhaps Orana could help him.
He sat on his bed, clutching the bottle, staring at Sebastian's things. He had moved them to his room the second night, feeling uneasy unless they were safe with him. It helped him settle for the night, having something of Sebastian's close by. It was an odd feeling. He understood he was transferring his affection for Sebastian into an inanimate object but it was better than trying to push it away. He did long for Sebastian's company, but knew it could never be in these rooms again. It was a soft ache, missing him. His voice, his touch, his presence. Dwelling on it intensified the feeling and he only allowed himself to do that alone.
Long days suited him.
He wrapped his and Sebastian's belongings in a sheet, hugging it to himself as he walked down the staircase.
Orana managed to apologise sincerely while looking delighted at his arrival. She settled that he should take Hawke's room. Leandra's had been made up and left for 'Lady Bethany', and while Bodahn's room was empty, she insisted Fenris was the master of the house in Hawke's absence.
He usually dragged out his evenings in the Hanged Man. His home had changed, but his routine had not.
"I think we'll have to find ourselves some two player games, or more partners."
Fenris sipped from his mug of ale.
"Come on, it's not so bad."
Fenris exhaled. The Hanged Man lacked... Isabela. "It's quieter without her."
"You've never complained about a dull social life before. Seems that you're taking the loneliness pretty badly."
"I'm not lonely."
"You may have someone else for company now but it's not the same as having your friends around. Come on, admit it. It's better out in the open."
Fenris was not about to spill his feelings onto the table just yet. Varric didn't need to know the specific nature of his loneliness. "It's strange, the way things have changed, but people move on. I accept that."
Varric's attention was caught across the room. He lowered his voice to a murmur. "Well, some people come back." He gave a subtle nod in the direction of a table in the corner.
Fenris tried to be equally subtle but his first thought was to look for Sebastian, which made his movement keen. He didn't see him. Nor could he see any of his friends.
He looked again.
A sweet face. Red hair. A pair of deadly daggers at her back.
Sister Nightingale.
He did not think to see an agent of the Chantry so soon.
"If she's looking for Blondie, she'll be disappointed."
Fenris walked over to her. "I remember your face."
Her expression softened, but she could not quite manage a smile. "Likewise. You are the Champion's friend, are you not?"
Fenris did not see the need to complicate matters, so he nodded.
"Then I trust you understand our presence."
"What are the Divine's plans for Kirkwall?"
"It depends on what is reported back. If the city is stable enough, she means to send a new Grand Cleric from Orlais, and choose a temporary building for the Chantry's work."
"And the mages?"
"Once the Chantry presence is re-established, the Grand Cleric will have the authority to appoint a new Knight Commander and they will guide the templar forces as they see fit."
"What if the city is not found to be stable?"
"Do not worry. I have already seen the good work being done here. I will be sure to include it in my report."
"But?"
"But... the damage that was done..." Leliana shook her head, "Divine Justinia has been watching these events closely. The Ferelden and Starkhaven Circles, and now this. It cannot be contained. Orlais will not stand still - not after an attack on the Chantry itself."
"Messere Fenris, I have a letter for you."
Fenris felt his own deep frown. A letter. It must be a mistake. Somebody who did not realise he did not read. "For the household, from one of Hawke's acquaintances, perhaps?"
"No messere. It is addressed to you. Messere Varric directed the courier to bring it here."
He took it when she offered it to him. The envelope was a cream colour, the ink dark blue.
F e n r i s
He knew his own name, at least.
"He said it was from Messere Sebastian."
Fenris felt pain when he should have felt joy. Why would he write? Was there no other way to get a message to him?
He was staring at it still when he realised Orana was staring at him in turn. "Thank- thank you."
Neat, beautiful, patient writing.
He turned it over.
S f a r
k b
He looked away from the jumble of letters, pained.
It was cruel.
Like an arrow fired with pinpoint precision, it struck his weakness and made everything else redundant.
I can't do this.
He felt the deep sadness sink like a weight in his body, making his limbs ache as he made his way up the stairs.
This was not his house.
This was not his room.
This was not his bed.
He had nothing.
He stared at the envelope beside him on the pillow until it blurred with tiredness and grief.
Sebastian was gone, and the only way to reach him was through the medium he had not mastered. Unless-
Unless I go to Starkhaven.
His fingertips rested on the fine paper. The fire burned low and he closed his eyes, remembering Sebastian reading to him.
He would go to Starkhaven and have him read the letter himself.
The decision settled in him rather easily. Kirkwall had survived and was growing stronger every day. A new era was starting, bringing its own troubles, its own leaders. Yet Fenris still could not shake the feeling the he was cast adrift.
Varric put down his pint. "Planning to visit Choir Boy, I take it?"
"Well, if you do," said Aveline, "make sure he stays there. I don't want him making good on his threats to Kirkwall. I've got enough self-righteous meddling from outside as it is."
"I will tell him Anders is no longer here. I doubt there is much more I can do."
"I think you have more influence over him than you realise. When are you setting off?"
"As soon as I can. I see no reason for delay." He paused. "It might be a visit, it might be more permanent. I will not know until I get there how long I will stay."
"Get him to write to me, no matter his intentions. If he has been successful in claiming the throne then I must know how we stand. Bran may not need to know but I do."
"Fortunately news travels fast," Varric said, "all I have are rumours but everything points to the return of the Prince of Starkhaven."
Most merchants took the road to Tantervale first. Varric found Fenris a contact who was going straight across the Free Marches, but it was an uneasy arrangement. The merchant had demanded that Varric find buyers for over half of his stock. The expensive half. Evidently he did not trust Fenris, and Kirkwall was not the best place for his business.
Fenris had plenty of time to think. He knew that Starkhaven's Circle had burned, and he detested the thought of the kind of mages that were left roaming free. What he had seen so far with Grace and her kind may have been the worst but he still did not trust that it was safe. It had turned from a personal concern to a political one since being involved with Kirkwall's struggles and he was interested in how Sebastian would handle it, if he even had that kind of power yet.
Sebastian had once mentioned that the Grand Cleric in Starkhaven was not as powerful as Elthina. With Sebastian starting anew, it was hard for Fenris to know if he would look to her for guidance in the same way. The thought made him uneasy. There were not many people Sebastian could trust, and after the chantry's destruction he wasn't sure that Sebastian would be able to separate his personal feelings and his official duty.
He remembered what Leliana had said and it was entirely possible she had already been to Starkhaven, and even seen Sebastian. He wished that he had asked her. There was nowhere the Chantry wouldn't want to reach and he couldn't entirely trust it, even though Tevinter was always worse.
Fenris looked at the letter, fingers sliding over the wax seal and the writing above it.
S t a r
Star.
S t a r k
He knew it said Starkhaven. It was just such a struggle to get there.
There was a cry and three bandits attacked the wagon. Fenris jumped off and made his way straight to one, wasting no time in plunging his fist into his chest. He heard the panicked neigh of the horse as it reared and he dashed to its side, his sword arcing down to another attacker. This one parried, sending his blade across to the side and cutting into the strap that held the cart. The horse reared again and tried to gallop off, snapping the strap and sending the cart skittering to the side. Fenris jumped out of the way and one of the rear wheels stuck wedged between the hillside and a boulder, the crack of wood and splinter indicating the cart was ruined. The merchant undid the other strap and as Fenris fought he raced off without looking back.
Fenris felled his opponent and looked around for the last one. She must have gone in straight to the wagon to get what she could.
The bandit would be disappointed. Fenris had been the only thing of value in there.
He approached the back of the cart, sword raised, keeping a safe distance. He barely dodged the spike that was thrown round the edge of it. It was followed by another which he knocked with his blade before another sliced past his shoulder. He let the lyrium burn and shot to her, the full force of him against the flat of his blade, knocking her back. He speared his sword down but she rolled out of the way, the deadly spikes already flying from her hand. Fenris ducked, and as his blade raised high he thrust his hand down. Her eyes were still on the sword when the life faded from her.
Fenris sat perched on the back of the open cart, sheltered enough from the rain. It would pass. He ate the last of his bread, listening to the patter on the cart roof. A few drops fell on his toes due to the way he was dangling his feet out but he didn't mind it. The air was warm and he was free.
The rain turned into a mist-like drizzle and a spectrum of colours sparkled where the light hit. It was not yet evening but when the sun broke through the dark clouds it filled the air with such a golden glow that he began to fall in love with the beauty of the land.
Fenris noticed a figure approaching further along the hillside path - a man, by his build. Unprotected from the rain, he seemed weighed down by his soaked coat. When Fenris looked again he realised the man was moving slowly because he was limping. The sun came out again and Fenris saw the hint of auburn in the man's bedraggled hair.
Sebastian.
He was close enough to see now. Sebastian looked up, wiping his forehead and blinking the rain away. The recognition set into his striking blue eyes.
"Fenris?" It took him a moment to believe it, then his face brightened with delight. "Fenris! You came!"
Fenris could say nothing as Sebastian closed the distance between them, those two words confirming the nature of the letter. He had responded to the summons even though he did not read the invitation.
Sebastian had let his stubble grow and he wore a black coat. With the absence of a bow it was no wonder it had taken Fenris so long to recognise him.
"Are you alright? Where... where's the horse?"
"With its rider. They left me here."
Sebastian laughed ruefully and shook his head. "I should have known it was far too convenient for a lift to be just waiting for me in the middle of nowhere. So we're both stranded."
Fenris shuffled over. "You're injured?"
"Yes." Sebastian sat down next to him. He was so thoroughly drenched that Fenris had to move a little more to avoid the water seeping through the wood where he sat. "My leg." Sebastian gestured to his upper thigh, a small tear in the fabric telling Fenris an arrow had pierced through both cloth and skin and back out again.
"We may have to walk."
Sebastian smiled at him. "I think I've found a reserve of energy."
To be on the receiving end of such a fond look filled Fenris with a warmth that he had missed since Sebastian had left. Despite the frustration of the letter, despite the doubts over leaving Kirkwall, he could not deny his feelings for him came rushing back, as strong as ever, being at his side.
He didn't care about getting a little wet.
Fenris pressed his hand onto the damp floor and leaned towards Sebastian. "I stayed in Kirkwall because I believed it was right. That doesn't mean I didn't want to follow."
Sebastian brought his hand up and pulled down the hood of Fenris' cloak. "Only you should decide where you want to be and what you want to do. And that's why I'm so glad you're here."
Fenris tugged at the front of Sebastian's soaked coat and pulled him in for a kiss. The rainwater from Sebastian's wet hair trickled down his cheek and to the markings on his throat. He cupped Sebastian's face and could feel the rough stubble there. Gone was the carefully groomed Brother Sebastian. This was Prince Vael.
Sebastian's wet arms went around him and Fenris moved closer. He deepened the kiss and Sebastian responded just as hungrily, pushing Fenris down and dominating the kiss.
This was definitely new.
Fenris hadn't quite intended for them to be sprawled in the back of the cart, devouring each other as if their lives depended on it and he broke the kiss, breathing hard.
"We cannot linger here."
"No." Sebastian said, not even trying to hide his reluctance before helping Fenris up.
"Do you think it's likely to clear soon?"
Sebastian licked his lips and nodded. "These showers don't tend to last long this time of year. We'll make Starkhaven before sunset, all being well."
Fenris looked at Sebastian's leg. "Have you treated that?"
"As much as I can. I’ll do it properly when we’re safe."
"Who attacked you?"
"I may be the rightful heir but that doesn't mean everyone likes it."
Fenris frowned. "Your cousin?"
"Oh, no. He didn't even want the throne in the first place. It's the people around him I have to watch out for."
"Without your bow?"
"I'm not as defenceless as you think." Sebastian smiled and pulled aside his coat, revealing the dagger sheathed at his belt.
True to Sebastian's prediction, they reached the city as the light from the setting sun adorned the tops of the buildings. Sebastian led Fenris through the streets and into a small building tucked away by one of the Minanter sluice gates.
"I don't like to go straight to the castle," Sebastian explained, locking the door, "this used to be a storeroom which connects with the outer walls, but even when I was a child it was used as a secret passage more often."
Fenris followed the lines of the room. "Did the Flint Company use this way in when they attacked your family?"
Sebastian folded his arms in thought. "I've often wondered. Something tells me they didn't, but it was a long time ago now and there is no way of knowing."
The corridor was longer than Fenris had anticipated. Sebastian carried a torch, the flickering sound the only echo to accompany their footsteps at first. Sebastian looked over, shadows ghosting over his face and hiding his expression, and held his hand out.
"I'm so glad you're here."
Fenris hesitated. Pleased as he was, there was doubt - could it really be this easy, this comfortable? Besides, a bloody gauntlet was hardly a pleasant thing to hold.
Sebastian, however, didn't seem to mind. His hand held the offer during Fenris' pause and that certainty, that patience, always seemed to be constant when it came to Fenris. It hadn't changed. Fenris took his hand and Sebastian smiled.
They let go when they reached the steps up. Night had fallen and the sky was dull. Sebastian acknowledged the two guards flanking the doorway and continued on, his torch the only thing illuminating the way ahead.
Fenris could not see anything resembling a castle.
"Where are we, exactly?"
Sebastian laughed. "Well, I did say it was the outer wall." His boots squelched in the wet grass. "Round that hill, you'll see it."
Fenris peered into the darkness and took his word for it. The hill was to the left, although the ground they were walking up was not flat. At length he saw more of the wall on their right, the faint firelight dotted along it the only thing giving him any bearing of the place.
He saw the turrets first, peeking over the hill, the flags moving in the soft sigh of breeze. The land let down enough for the rest of the castle to come into view, a long, flat front with plenty of windows to look down on the city. The castle was a way above them yet, but Fenris could see the main path now, the wide main gate and a large set of steps up. A curved slope of a path rose up from either side, arcing wide. Beyond was a forest, and the wall disappeared behind it, for Fenris to wonder just how far it went.
"Welcome to my home."
Fenris looked at Sebastian, and took his hand again.
"Please, Fenris. I insist."
Fenris sat down on the comfortable seat while Sebastian busied himself preparing a bowl of warm water. He set it down by Fenris' feet with a towel and some soap. Fenris pulled the straps of his leggings up over his heels so he could get the fabric out of the way of the water. He let the grime soak off before rubbing at it with the buttery soap. He could remember the Magisters using such luxurious products while the slaves were left with cold water and a scrubbing brush.
"Thank you, that feels better."
"Oh you're not done yet. That was just to get the muck off." Sebastian brought over a bowl of clean water and set it down.
"Two bowls? Is this really necessary?"
"Yes." Sebastian looked amused at his resistance. "In."
Fenris sighed and put his feet in. The water was warmer this time, and the vapour rose slowly from it. Sebastian rolled up his sleeves and brought a small white pouch over.
"What's that?"
Sebastian winced as he knelt, hissing softly before he spoke. "It's a poultice made with oats and herbs, and a few oils." He lowered it into the water and swirled it around.
Fenris inhaled the first strains of the fragrant concoction as he watched the water turn milky.
Sebastian leaned his hands either side of the bowl and looked up at him. "If you intend on leaving soon, tell me so now. Otherwise, let's take time for things like this."
Leave Starkhaven. Leave Sebastian. That was not going to happen. "I'm going nowhere."
Sebastian smiled. "Good." He stuck his hands into the water and found the poultice, squeezing it and turning the water even more opaque. "Foot."
Fenris blinked before cautiously lifting one of his feet. Sebastian cupped his heel and started rubbing the wet poultice over his skin.
"It feels... slimy." Not that he was going to be ungrateful when a gorgeous prince was on his knees giving him a foot massage so attentively.
Sebastian chuckled. "That it does, but you get used to it." When he finished with the other foot he rubbed the soft towel all over them. Anticipating Fenris, he said, "one last thing."
Fenris leaned back and let Sebastian work a balm all over his feet. He had to admit, it felt wonderful. Sebastian seemed to be enjoying it just as much, thoroughly working his fingers over the soles, heels, ankles and toes. Fenris wriggled them and Sebastian laughed. Once the balm had sunk in and the massage was over, Sebastian placed Fenris’ feet on his lap and palmed along the length of each foot with his warm hands, watching Fenris intently.
"What are you thinking?" Fenris couldn’t help but ask.
"That your feet smell amazing now."
Fenris chuckled. "That's not something I'll hear very often."
"It will be from now on. I think... daily." Sebastian brought one of Fenris' feet up and planted a kiss on the perfectly clean sole. "Now. Time for some dinner, I think."
It put Fenris on edge to have someone serve him food. It was a young girl, who hummed while she brought the plates, but it was a shade away from Orana. The grander the setting, the less comfortable he felt, and even though they were only dining in Sebastian's suite instead of any of the main rooms, Fenris felt all his apprehension returning. What was Sebastian going to do now he had his family's power? How much did what happened in Kirkwall change him? How would he react about the letter? He ate, but weariness set in, and he found he could not respond much to Sebastian's conversation. By the time dessert came, and he had some wine in him, he relaxed a little and paid more attention.
"Will your leg heal sufficiently? Without treatment."
"I'm sure it will be. Some salve and some rest, it will heal soon enough."
Fenris assumed there was no mage to hand, and would continue to do so until shown otherwise.
"Speaking of rest," Sebastian started, "I have a room you can use, but should you wish to..."
"I am grateful."
"My door will be open."
"I will rest, tonight."
Sebastian leaned back in his chair. "Of course."
The room was far too large for one person, Fenris thought. The Hightown estates were already luxurious but this was something else. He set his things down by the door and walked with his candle to the grand four-poster bed. The same dark wood had made the desk by the window, the large dressers and chests, the latticed screen. The fire had not been lit, but the night was mild. He set the candle down by the bed.
Spotting a shirt on the pillow, he undressed and put it on, the fine material soothing over his skin. Sebastian seemed to have thought of everything.
My door will be open.
Fenris climbed into the bed and ignored the thoughts that came wrapped in that offer. He blew out the candle. It wasn't right, not now. There was still so much unsaid between them, but Fenris did not think for long, sinking into the soft pillow, and letting sleep take him.
"Good morning."
Sebastian wore a white shirt, looking more like his old self than the dark rogue of the previous day. He sat with his leg propped up on a stool.
Fenris gestured to it. "How are you faring?"
"Very well. How did you sleep?"
"It was very comfortable." Fenris sat down next to him.
"Would you like some breakfast?"
It was already served, each cold dish covered. They helped themselves but Fenris had more pressing matters to attend to. His head was clear and he was ready to pose his questions.
"Aveline asks for word. You left with... an assurance."
Sebastian put his fork down. "Until I have an assurance there is no reason to march on Kirkwall, it will always be a possibility."
Fenris frowned. "Anders is no longer in the city."
Sebastian shook his head. "Hawke?"
"Gone."
"What they've left behind is as much of a concern as what he destroyed. Hawke did much to fight against the most dangerous maleficarum, Anders excluded. I will leave Aveline in no doubt that I will act if she cannot do the same."
Fenris didn't like it at all. "We have a Chantry presence in the city already."
"Good." Sebastian steepled his fingers under his chin thoughtfully.
"People still pray at the site. They have cleared the rubble, and there are flowers at the foot of the statue. The day before I came, I heard the Chant again for the first time. Kirkwall has done this. Not the Divine."
Sebastian closed his eyes. "I can't... I can't ever forget that moment. It will haunt me to my grave."
"I'm sorry."
"No. Thank you for talking about it." He sighed and picked at his food, no longer interested in eating anything. "How are the others?"
"Varric is the only one I see now."
"The others have moved on?"
Fenris nodded. Telling him they had all left together would give Sebastian too much information, so he kept it to himself.
From the window he saw the city below, the curve of the river. They both looked out, lost in thought.
"Sebastian."
"Yes?"
Fenris pulled out the letter. "I want to know why you wrote to me. When you know how much trouble that would cause me."
Sebastian started to speak, then stopped. "You haven't even opened it."
"Of course it's natural for you to do that - you take it for granted that I would."
"Fenris, I didn't take you for granted. I didn't send something you couldn't- just open it."
Fenris pulled at it, which made a tear in the paper beside the seal.
"No- here, use a knife."
Sebastian showed him how and Fenris felt even worse about the whole thing. He opened it and across the paper were lines and blocks, a cross against one of them.
A map.
Fenris looked at it for a long while. Sebastian waited patiently for his reaction.
"I see."
There were a few labels, but it was a handful of words, compared to the run of sentences he was expecting to have to decode.
"Where is this? Is it the storeroom?"
"No, I wanted somewhere you could be recognised and be safe. There's a place called Luckie Annie's, I left your description there so they would look after you and get a message to me."
Fenris could not see the name anywhere. "Would that be what's written on the door?"
"Aye, like it is there."
Fenris pushed it towards him. "Where?"
Sebastian's sharp intake of breath made him look up. "This is not the map that I drew - someone must have intercepted the delivery."
The words sank in like a slow poison.
"You think-"
"Someone who could hurt us both."
Not Sebastian's enemies. Mine. "Varania."
Sebastian got up. "We will go there immediately. Guards surrounding-"
Fenris also stood. "They may not show themselves if they see I am protected."
"And what are you suggesting? Use you as bait?" Sebastian grasped his arms. "I cannot risk that."
"Will you arrest innocent citizens? In person?"
Sebastian hesitated, looking away. His hands moved up to Fenris' shoulders. "I know you're right. I have to think. But it's hard to when you're in danger."
Fenris reached out to touch, to reassure, his hand resting on Sebastian's waist. "We are both in danger. She has found power in deception and would as soon take advantage of you while you are protecting me."
Sebastian pulled in close and rested his forehead on Fenris'. Irresistibly drawn closer, they kissed, the moment calling for nothing else. Hunger, unchecked. Sebastian's kisses were different now. Fenris felt that desire mirrored in himself. Sebastian's body was pressed against his, his mouth warm, every touch a caress. Fenris craved the contact even as he was indulged with it, not wanting to pull away even though their conversation was important.
"Fenris," Sebastian breathed, cupping his face, "I've missed you."
Again they kissed, Fenris grabbing the fabric at Sebastian's back tightly, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as Sebastian rubbed his fingertips there.
"Mmmm."
"Maker..." Sebastian gasped, running his fingers through Fenris' hair.
Fenris pulled back, licking his lips, his heartbeat raised. "They are waiting for me."
"I've been waiting, Maker-" Sebastian sighed, "but- that isn't fair. I've been... hoping. Wishing. Longing."
Fenris brought his hands up to Sebastian's chest.
"I'm here."
Sebastian rounded up his guards, the fierceness of his orders taking Fenris by surprise. When he described Varania and told them not to hold back in taking her down, Fenris felt a sick feeling in his gut.
This is not what I want.
"Sebastian!"
Sebastian went over to him. "What is it?"
"I know you're doing this for me, but stop."
"What is your idea?"
"I need your help. A direct attack is not necessary. I wish to write to her."
"Write to her? And what will that accomplish? If she's not there, do you even know where to find her?"
"No."
"You can't just fire letters into the ether and hope it finds the right red-headed elf girl."
"Do not patronise me."
"I'm trying to help you."
"Then don't."
"What are you saying? Without me, you're just going to walk into her trap and hope it all works out for the best?"
Fenris felt his patience wear thin. "Isn't that what you used to do? 'The Maker will show us the way'!"
"Fenris!"
Fenris could not bear the commanding tone in Sebastian's voice. "Do as you wish." He stalked the other way. He would have to find his way out of there first.
"Fenris." Sebastian came up behind him. "Fenris, wait. Please."
He stopped and Sebastian put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry. It's just that if you need help, I have the power to do something about it."
"And by something you mean hurt anyone who gets in the way."
"Why are you so hesitant all of a sudden? Don't you want to stop her?"
"You're the one who tried to tell me about mercy-"
"Your sister is a mage. And she's dangerous."
"She has never used that power against me."
"Yet! Since when do you have such sympathy for apostates, for her? You were happy enough to kill her before Hawke stopped you. Don't tell me your newfound love of mages extends to Anders as well?"
Fenris shrugged off Sebastian's touch. "I am angry at him. But I do not need him dead."
"Elthina and the others burned because of what he did. Don't tell me you condone it!"
"Of course I don't condone it!" Fenris huffed out his anger. "This is getting us nowhere. She might not even be in Starkhaven. But if she is, I want to talk to her. I don't even know what she wants."
Sebastian considered this. "Then go. Find out. Just know that, like it or not, I'll be right behind you."
Varania sat at an empty table, in plain sight. Fenris was cautious, but he sat opposite her.
She looked weary. "You don't look surprised to see me."
If she was tired from waiting for him, it served her right. "What do you mean to accomplish with your tricks?"
"Since you will not come to me, I must go to you."
"It got you away from Tevinter, at least. Don't go back there. Leave that life behind."
"Where should I go? Stay in the 'Free' Marches where I am persecuted for being a mage? I'd rather be in a place where it's an advantage."
"At what price? You could make a life here. I could help you-"
"Don't you dare. I'm tired of others deciding my fate."
"And you throw yourself to the lions willingly. You will be the next Hadriana, is that what you want?"
"Will you kill me then? If I do?"
Fenris had almost done it once, but he could not imagine it now. "I don't know if I could. You are the only thing I have left of my life before."
"You are not my brother."
"Then why must you hound me?"
"We will go back together."
Fenris felt himself go cold. "Never."
Varania frowned. "You will not be a slave. We have enough power between us to finally break free from that."
If this was everything she wanted, the conversation was done. "The Prince is waiting outside with his guards. I will get you past them."
"Why do this?"
"Because I am a free man."
"You're not." Varania said after a moment. "You're tied to this place. To him. He is your new master. You just don't realise it because he's kind."
Fenris stood. "You're the one locked into that way of thinking. Rule or be ruled. I'm not part of that any more."
Varania's eyes flicked to look behind him.
"Not alone, then." Fenris' hands curled into fists. "You can leave peacefully. That is all I can give you. I cannot say the same for your friends."
She sneered. "That is your weakness. Seeking friends when you should look for allies." She nodded and Fenris heard the movement behind him.
He spun round and plunged his hand into the chest of the man who had approached him. Screams rang out and the panicked clientele started making their way away from the scene. Sebastian burst in through the main door and was grabbed by a man who he shoved back against the doorframe and distracted long enough for the Starkhaven guard to slit his throat. Sebastian was soon free, arrow pointed at the fleeing Varania.
"No!" Fenris shouted, dashing between them and looking at Sebastian. He sensed the cast of magic behind him even before Sebastian's face turned to shock. Fenris felt an ice cold creep up his back, choking him.
"One more step and I snap his spine."
I would have let you go.
Fenris' lyrium pulsed, trying to overcome his paralysis, but the ice seemed to seep through into every limb.
Sebastian aimed, his face one of ruthless purpose, and fired.
Fenris blacked out.
Water, running.
A warmth at his back, and pain.
His chest hurt.
Fenris came to, his head groggy and aching. The sound of water stopped.
Someone walked past, and he heard Sebastian's "thank you" behind him.
Sebastian picked Fenris up and carried him.
Skin.
His back throbbed against Sebastian's arm. "Ngh..."
"Fenris," Sebastian breathed softly, then kissed his forehead, "can you move your arm?"
Fenris didn't really understand the instruction but he followed it anyway, lifting his hand slightly.
He felt the rush of breath against his hair. "Thank the Maker."
"What..." he said weakly.
"Shhh." Sebastian stepped into the tub and lowered Fenris' body against his.
Fenris gasped, the warm water making his skin smart. He was awake now.
"It's okay," Sebastian said, kissing his shoulder, "just stay still."
Sebastian took a sponge and started dabbing it over Fenris' back.
"It's rough-" Fenris protested, before coughing.
"I know."
"What happened? Varania..."
Sebastian sighed. "I'm sorry."
"What happened?" His voice broke.
"She got away."
Fenris closed his eyes. Just breathe. It's done. She's gone.
"Even with your markings protecting you..." Sebastian slid a finger down his back, and Fenris was oversensitive even to that touch.
"Sebastian."
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
Sebastian's hands went to his arms, pulling him back gently. Fenris let him and leaned back, the discomfort still there but easing now. They must have put a potion in the water. Sebastian put his arms around him, stubbled cheek against Fenris' ear. "I will not let her hurt you again."
Fenris started taking in details of the room, the dark panelled walls, the gold-topped glass bottles, everything polished and pristine. "Was that a servant?"
"Hm? Yes, I have some staff but... not many. They never replaced the whole household, but I have more than I need." Sebastian stroked Fenris' chest. "We are still getting used to each other."
"Other than servants, are you alone?"
He felt the smile. "Not anymore."
Fenris flexed his fingers and brought his hand up to touch Sebastian's. "I'm sorry."
The following day, Sebastian had a visit from the Harimanns, and it was a struggle for Fenris to convince him to let him wander into the city by himself.
The thought of being accompanied by guards was ridiculous.
Vast as the castle was, Fenris wanted to see Starkhaven. It was the first city he had entered as a free man, no longer on the run from Danarius. No matter what claim Varania might want to make on him, she was just another mage.
He left, descending and following the straight path down, passing under the main gate. Starkhaven's dark red emblem decorated most of the banners that hung down, and all of the armour. It was clear to see the wide path continuing all the way to the middle of the city. The best way to familiarise himself with the city was to build on what he knew, to find landmarks and to revisit places over and over again.
For him, that meant returning to the inn, but not just because it was the only place he had visited. He wanted to know more about what had happened that day. Had Varania got away injured? How was she able to if she was?
Fenris entered the main part of the city.
The following was inevitable. He couldn't really hate Sebastian for it.
"Ah... It's the Prince's elf from the other day. I thought you'd be a goner when that man covered you in ice."
Two steps in, and already he had enough to question what he knew. "Man?"
"Aye. He didn't even use a staff. Magic came straight from his hands." He shuddered in disgust. "Mages."
Fenris sat at a stool. "Can you tell me what happened? I saw Sebastian shoot."
"Aye, he did. Got him straight in the forehead. Didn't stand a chance."
Fenris looked at his hands. "And the elf?"
"Well, she darted about like your kind do, straight into the kitchen and out the back. The guards came crashing through, didn't they? Took us half the evening to clean up the mess."
"How much for a mug of your ale?"
The man hesitated.
He doesn't want me here.
"Four bits."
Sebastian might come looking, anyway.
"I'll have a bottle of wine, and I'll take it with me. There'll be no more trouble in your fine tavern."
He looked relieved.
Lying is a sin. That's what you said.
If Sebastian asked about him, let him know he was here. He'd had enough of deception.
Fenris saw nothing more of Sebastian or his guards until his return. He set the wine bottle down on the table where Sebastian was working on some paperwork. "Can you tell me more about Varania's attack?"
"Did you not feel the ice? She was going to kill you."
Evidently the guards had not reported to him yet. "You liar."
Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "Who have you been talking to?"
"None of your concern! Why did you make me think that Varania attacked me?"
"She did! It was her lackey, wasn't it? What does it matter whose hands cast the spell?"
"Venhedis! You're as bad as she is! Don't play games with me, Sebastian."
"She is evil. While she's in my city I will do everything I can to hunt her down."
"Even lie? To me? To turn me against her?"
"I felt it had to be done-"
"You're drunk with power." Fenris hated that these were the words he had to say to Sebastian Vael. "Where are the things that made you a good man?"
"I've had to fight, to stand up for myself. I can't just sit on the throne and wait for things to take care of themselves. I am going to defend Starkhaven and everything that entails. And if you don't agree-"
"I'm leaving."
It was a few moments before the rest of the room crept back into focus. The sun on his left. Sebastian's clenched hands.
"I will return to Kirkwall, for a time." It was as good as home, but he could not stay there either.
"You... would..."
"I am no good here. Chasing around for a mage when you, your guards, have a city to attend to? Is that what you should be doing as Prince?"
Sebastian's voice was worn. "I care about you."
"And Starkhaven." Fenris looked to one side. "If I had joined you that day, perhaps-" He stopped. It hurt. He would not allow it. "Too much time has passed. Trying to continue what we shared... it is like writing without ink."
There was a long silence. "Do you really believe that?"
"I believe we are chasing ghosts. Both of us. How many years do we let it go on? I am ready for a new beginning."
Sebastian dropped his gaze. "I can get you on a barge to Tantervale. Unless you would prefer to go by the lakes again."
"Tantervale... I remember it. I can make my way from there."
"Very well." Sebastian stood and walked out, and Fenris followed him.
I am nothing here.
It felt wrong. In his heart, in his gut, in the back of his head. He could do no different, however. Not when he and Sebastian were at odds. He had the freedom to walk away, and he was grateful that Sebastian did not deny him that.
Starkhaven. A place he had barely begun to know. There was a whisper of regret that he was leaving like this, but what was Starkhaven to him without Sebastian? Could he stay and be another stranger in the crowd? He was too distinctive for that. And Varania - she was likely gone. Sebastian was right. He had no idea how to reach her. He felt the need to reconcile with her still. He would not be able to move on without doing so.
Too much unresolved, yet he could not see a way forward. The distance might help with that, too.
The barge swayed softly as the last few people boarded. He put the hood of his cloak up.
"Fenris!"
Sebastian's voice came from behind him on the dock. A few people looked around but Fenris stayed still.
"We are about to cast off, your Highness."
A murmur of surprise rippled through the passengers, and necks craned to look at the new Prince.
"Fenris?" Sebastian knew he was there. He had to. He was likely looking straight at the back of his head.
No, Sebastian.
Doubt, still. Was that how he wanted them to part? Without even a look, a word, after everything that had happened between them? It was precisely this that kept him still, the betrayal over Varania too raw, too confusing.
The barge cast off, so gently that it seemed to weigh nothing on the water.
Forgive him.
Sebastian had stopped calling his name.
Fenris clutched his pack, half empty now. There had been so many things he'd wanted to share with him, so many new memories he wanted to make.
As the barge pulled away, drifting past buildings, it was all he could think about.
Fenris looked down at his lap. Kirkwall. It was too soon to go back to Kirkwall.
Stop.
His mind was a jumble. He tried to empty it of thought, to calm down and just take in the sight as it was, not just as places where Sebastian might have taken him had he stayed. The meander of the river gave him a wide view of the landscape. Could he not stay and enjoy it for himself?
No, stop.
He would go as far as Tantervale, find an inn, and rest. There was plenty of time to work out what to do.
When the barge stopped at a small village along the Minanter, Fenris jumped out, heart racing, common sense be damned.
He could not be calm.
Once the barge pulled away, a sense of relief washed through him, clearing his head.
It didn't take him long to find the main road along the river. The evening set in but he came across a guard patrol carrying a torch. The Starkhaven guard's reach extended far. It was late and dark when he reached the city, but he knew more or less how to get back to Sebastian.
The guards let him in. He didn't know if it was a remnant of their previous orders or if Sebastian wanted him back.
He was left outside the Prince’s quarters with no escort to go further in. He frowned. Another elf could be disguised as him, was this really secure?
As he padded through, he heard Sebastian's voice, and it directed his passage through the rooms. He was unsure what being back so soon would bring, but was comforted by the absence of the unexplainable dread he had felt while leaving the city.
Fenris approached the door quietly, not wanting to interrupt Sebastian's conversation unnecessarily.
"I know that- that I cannot ask you to come back. But I want- no." Sebastian huffed and Fenris could hear him pacing. "I need- I need to tell you- oh, Maker."
Fenris looked through the gap in the doors and saw that Sebastian was alone.
"Starkhaven... Starkhaven is-" Sebastian covered his face in his hands. "Argh!"
"Your home."
Sebastian spun around. "Fenris!"
"I must appear to be intruding and I apologise. Your guards let me in."
Sebastian shook his head. "You're always welcome here, Fenris. That's what I- even though we disagreed..."
"It was more than that." Fenris said quietly.
"Then let me tell you something true. I love you. I know it doesn't change anything or justify it, but I don't want what happened to hide what I really feel underneath."
Fenris considered his words. Love. He was right; it didn't justify anything. Many people could use that as an excuse. Even so, he had no doubt at Sebastian's sincerity, and that warmed him as much as his words of love.
"I am glad you came back," Sebastian continued at his silence, "I have been trying to do what's best but... I trust your judgement and I will not dismiss your opinions should you offer them."
Fenris walked towards him.
"And... your friendship is more valuable to me than I have ever acknowledged, I..."
"I am not going anywhere. I was too blind to give you a fair chance, but I could not go."
"I'm glad that you returned of your own free will than stayed because of my influence. Although I did not see it at the time."
"Oh?"
Sebastian placed his hand on Fenris' cheek. "I thought I'd lost you. For the second time. I thought 'I haven't done enough'."
"You were going to follow me?"
"I couldn't have left the city for long - and not tonight. I have to go to the Chantry in the morning. But I was hoping I would still find you in Tantervale that evening."
"Would you have gone as far as Kirkwall?"
"I don't know," Sebastian said, his hand falling, "I don't know."
"It is late. You should rest for your meeting."
"Would you join me? In my bed. To sleep, nothing more."
It would not be nothing. It would be a connection, a caress, a heartbeat next to his own.
"Is yours the most comfortable bed, then?" He said with the faintest amusement coming through "Do you recommend it?"
Sebastian smiled. "Absolutely."
"Well then," Fenris took his hand, "lead the way."
Sebastian liked to wrap himself around Fenris. This was becoming apparent the more nights they spent together.
Fenris didn't mind.
It was a closeness he had not experienced any other way. Apart from Sebastian wanting to hold him, it was undemanding. Warmth. Safety. Affection. Fenris turned only slightly, trying to see how much light there was outside.
Sebastian nuzzled his hair and kissed his neck.
Fenris craved his touch, unable to remember ever wanting it more. He turned onto his back, lips meeting Sebastian’s to return the kiss, hand guiding Sebastian’s to slide along his stomach.
Sebastian was hard against his hip; there was no apology, no shame. Fenris was a little sorry he missed the change. They had been in such close confidence and that time was lost to him now. Sebastian had been alone. He had almost let that happen again.
Fenris traced the deep line from Sebastian’s hipbone to his cock. He was in even more impressive shape than before. Fenris stroked his curled palm along the length of the shaft, making it stiffen further. He closed his fingers around it, feeling its pulse, its warmth.
"Fenris..."
"When do you leave?" The husky edge to Fenris’ voice wasn’t entirely from sleep.
"I need to leave?"
"Mmm. According to you." He moved his hand, making Sebastian shudder.
"Remind me over breakfast." Sebastian sighed, rolling his hips.
Fenris claimed another kiss from him, this one more passionate. Sebastian’s hand was cupping him through the fabric of his sleepwear. Fenris hooked his leg over and urged Sebastian onto his back so he could straddle him and pull his own shirt off.
"Maker, I did something right." Sebastian said, looking up at him.
Fenris leaned down close, his words a kiss. "I am yours."
Sebastian swallowed as he closed his eyes and Fenris brushed his lips against Sebastian’s before moving them down to his throat. Fenris wriggled off to undress completely and Sebastian hurriedly did the same, reaching for him as soon as they were both naked. Fenris pressed himself against Sebastian and kissed him long and hard until they were both panting.
Sebastian lifted his knees up either side of Fenris. "I’m thinking of another use for that salve."
Fenris’ lips quirked into a smile. "You have been considering it for some time."
"True. It’s not my most subtle proposition." His hands came to rest on Fenris’ lower back, following the markings with his fingertips. "I’m not chasing after mindless pleasure. I love you."
His assurance was not needed; it was an echo of the justification Sebastian would have made to himself since leaving the Chantry.
Fenris leaned over and retrieved the small jar. Sebastian’s hands were now palming over his stomach. The constant touching fuelled his body’s desire in a way that was becoming irresistible. He leaned down and kissed just above Sebastian’s collarbone.
"Warm it first," said Sebastian, his accent more pronounced, "for both our sakes."
Fenris rubbed the salve between his palms and Sebastian planted his feet wider either side of him. He applied some to his own cock first, feeling the small thrill at the touch, his pulse quickening with anticipation. He prepared Sebastian and pushed in, his hands clutching the thick thighs.
Fenris moaned. To feel Sebastian’s body yield for him, to see his face full of want, it dispelled any lingering doubts Fenris had about the act. He pushed his hips against Sebastian’s until he had enough purchase to pull out and thrust in again. Sebastian groaned, his hands reaching for Fenris.
"Ah... 've waited for you..."
"I know."
Fenris dipped his head and let his hair fall away from the back of his neck, pressing his forehead against Sebastian's shoulder as he moved.
"Yes-" Sebastian gasped.
Fenris felt the sweat drip between his shoulderblades and down his spine. He wanted it to be Sebastian's touch, his fingertip, his tongue. Sebastian was right there, shuddering ever so faintly around him.
"Put your hands on me," he murmured, and let himself fall into every stroke, every eager touch over his skin, his markings.
"Fenris..."
"Unh..." Fenris placed his palms on Sebastian's waist and could feel him quivering. "You're close, aren't you?"
Sebastian moaned and nodded. "This is too good- you're-" he gasped.
Fenris thrusted and supported his weight on the bed with one hand, gripping a handful of the luxurious bedding, the other returning to Sebastian's cock.
Sebastian voiced his pleasure even more loudly and Fenris could hear nothing else. He wanted nothing else. His body was entirely focused on their pleasure and he felt his coherence slipping. Sebastian's neck was flushed and tense and his head was tipping back as he tried to fuck Fenris' hand.
He came, calling Fenris' name, dissolving into a groan and spilling over Fenris' hand and himself.
Fenris gasped and slid his hand over to Sebastian's hip, holding on as he moved. The deep need for release throbbed through his entire body, not just his cock, and he let out a helpless cry as he sought it.
Sebastian palmed his hands up Fenris' arms. "Yes... go on, yes."
"Oh-" Fenris grunted, overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside Sebastian, the encouragement in his words, the sheer pleasure of their mutual desire.
He came, panting hard, oblivious to everything but Sebastian.
When he rested back down it was into Sebastian's embrace.
"What do you say I bring breakfast here?"
Fenris gave up on words and just nodded. Sebastian laughed and held him tightly, very much awake.
It really was a splendid bed.
The Chantry visit lasted all morning and Fenris explored. There was a grand library and he intended to get back into his reading as soon as he could. He was determined that one day he would read something out loud to Sebastian.
It wasn't much of a goal, but it was his own.
He spoke to some of the staff and guards, but did not explain much about who he was. He did not want to be known as 'The Prince's elf' but as his friend. He would find something to do in this city, something that did not make him dependent on Sebastian's hospitality.
The afternoon was peaceful and Sebastian showed him the room with a huge map rolled out onto the table, and they talked at length about the alliances Sebastian had made and had yet to make, the Chantry, and Kirkwall. This time it was less heated, and Sebastian wrote the letter he had promised Aveline.
Fenris kissed him, a spontaneous impulse from watching him write, watching the ink flow.
That night, Fenris listened to the sounds in the castle. One thing he missed from visiting Hawke's house was the constant presence of the mabari. He would have to ask Sebastian how they were viewed in Starkhaven, if his family had owned any kind of hounds.
The dull flutter of the heavy banners outside became a comforting background noise, as comforting as the warm sheets, the sound of Sebastian's breathing.
Fenris could never stay in bed once he woke up, no matter how inviting it was and he slid out, not disturbing Sebastian in the slightest as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his leggings.
His footfalls were gentle on the plush floor and he gave Sebastian one last look before leaving the room. Outside, the corridor was larger than he remembered, seeming oppressive in the dark, leading away endlessly across the castle.
He tried so hard to picture a young Sebastian running through the halls and could not really manage it. He could barely remember his own adolescence let alone his childhood and the difference between them was so great he could not imagine what it would be like to run freely.
What had changed was that he was eager to hear it. There was not yet anything Sebastian could say about Starkhaven that was not interesting to him.
Down the next staircase the curtains were open and the light from the torches outside flickered in. Even so, the movement at the side of his vision was foreign and he turned towards it. The person darted away, further into the dark but Fenris shouted and gave chase, his brands illuminating across his skin.
Varania turned. "There is no need to alarm him. I am not here to attack."
"What use are words anymore? How can I trust anything you say?"
"I'm leaving."
Fenris heard his name being called. His shout had woken Sebastian up, then.
"There is no use hiding. Let us return to the staircase before Sebastian fires an arrow through your neck."
They got there just as Sebastian did, who had also pulled on his breeches, his bow slung across his back. "Fenris!" As soon as he saw Varania, he snarled.
Fenris thought he looked like a hunter, then.
"Speak." he commanded.
Varania gave him a look of disgust.
It was clear to Fenris now. She had left the slave's life but had retained the respect for their hierarchy. Whereas he had ripped himself from the life willingly once he had learned a different kind of respect was possible.
"Forget Tevinter."
"And do what, stay here? This city may not have a Circle anymore, but it has an alienage. Either way, I am nothing to these people."
"Yet you do not leave."
"I cannot. Without you, I cannot hope to rise."
"It is a descent, Varania! Into corruption, blood magic, slavery and cruelty!"
A bell sounded.
"Hold!" Sebastian approached the window cautiously and peered out.
"What can-"
"The guards, we are being attacked." Sebastian glared at Varania. "You will not take him."
"I haven't- this is not my doing."
"To the balcony. I will pick them off myself."
Sebastian snuck the door open and notched an arrow.
Fenris grabbed Varania's arm and followed, taking in the scene in the courtyard. He was useless at a distance but he was not going to leave Sebastian's side.
Varania ducked and struck him in the side, trying to free herself.
"Are you going to fight us or fight with us?"
"I care nothing for your prince. Let me go!"
Fenris did, knowing she could easily put them at risk should she wish to. She fled.
"The guards will think-"
"Fenris!" Sebastian shoved him to the floor as an arrow flew by them. "For Andraste's sake, get inside!" He got up and they both scrambled back into the room.
"How many got through?"
"I don't know, but be ready."
Fenris went to the corridor, but Varania was gone.
Sebastian returned to the balcony.
"You are unarmoured!"
"I'll get their archer, you get your sword."
This time the command made him want to obey. The more Fenris hesitated, the greater the risk to Sebastian. His body was tensed, ready to act. He could be quick, and could do enough damage when unarmed.
No.
He would not leave Sebastian's side. Even if Varania was innocent, the others were a very real threat.
"I have her. Go!"
Fenris remembered great houses, with weapons on display, and was sure the Vaels had the same. He did not need to go as far as his sword. Any blade would do.
He dashed out to the corridor and kicked open the first door he found. None. The next. None.
This is foolish! I am a weapon!
He heard steps behind him and slammed Sebastian against the wall.
"Ungh! Fen-"
"Quiet!" he whispered.
They stilled, Fenris' hands on Sebastian's chest, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his breath. Sebastian looked around before urging him into a pitch-black room.
"We take the fight to them. Before they can make their way through to Maker knows where. We lure them back out to the courtyard."
Fenris' eyes could not adjust and he kept his hands on Sebastian. "I need an advantage. And you need armour."
Sebastian's palm cupped his cheek, and soft lips covered his for just a moment. "Trust me."
They had barely left the family wing when a flicker of shadow against the wall made them duck behind a statue.
Footsteps. "Ser?"
Sebastian grabbed Fenris' arm.
"Ser, it is safe now. We have cleared the area of intruders."
Sebastian squeezed, and Fenris knew not to move a muscle.
There was a long pause, and they kept their breathing silent.
"He was further up." Another hissed. "Come on, we're wasting time."
The footsteps drew nearer and Sebastian let go slowly. They were almost upon them, any moment they would see-
Sebastian leapt up and shoved a dagger into the first man's neck, and Fenris dove at the other and tore out his throat.
Without his gauntlets it was even messier and more unpleasant than usual, the gargle sickening as the man sank to his knees.
"Come!" Sebastian ran down the corridor.
Fenris took the intruder's sword and followed at a sprint.
There were already bodies in the courtyard. Not many - the guards must have chased the rest off. They barely had time to survey the situation before a scrape of metal rushed from behind a column.
The woman bashed her shield into Fenris and knocked him off balance.
"No!" Sebastian cried, drawing his bow.
Her mace arced towards Fenris.
Get up, get up!
A flash of light filled the air and a crack of lightning tore through her body; she cried out and swung aimlessly as the relentless magic continued, giving Fenris time to roll out of the way.
She dropped down, lifeless, scorched patterns covering her skin.
Sebastian was looking across the courtyard in shock and Fenris turned to look the same way.
Varania.
Fenris scrambled up.
The crunch of metal sounded, reinforcements arriving from the night shift. The archers raised their bows and pointed them at Varania.
"Hold!" Sebastian's command stilled all movement.
Fenris stepped towards her. "Thank you."
"I don't know if I can be your ally... but I will no longer be your enemy."
"That is enough. I do not ask anything from you for myself, but please... consider what I said."
"I will." She turned and walked away.
"Varania?"
She stopped.
"You are free, as I am. Remember that."
"It's almost dawn."
Sebastian smiled. "Got enough energy to climb a tower?"
"Don't you have duties you need to be rested for?" Fenris said, raising an eyebrow.
"I think after an assassination attempt, they'll forgive me if I want to sleep in."
"There's a bed in this tower?"
"Indeed, and it has a great view of the sunrise."
"Hm. You might have to remind me to look at it every now and then."
"Don't worry. I'll make you admire Starkhaven until you fall in love."
Fenris smiled. "I think I already am."