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001. The sun was brighter than Murphy expected. His whole being seemed to radiate when he felt the drops of sunlight land on his skin and absorb the warm glow. He almost let his eyes flutter shut, enjoying the new sensation. And the air oh how it feels. He's never experienced anything like it. Not that any of the other delinquents had either, but still. He's not in the front, so he dosen't get the full exposure, and it's disappointing when he feels it be blocked by someone standing at the door. The shadow that looms over him is cold, ripping him away from the warm bask of light and into a reality that John Murphy isn't sure he wants to experience. His eyes follow the shadow's creator. A tall young man, who he doubts is under eighteen. The sunlight shines off his skin, as if he's absorbing the damn thing. It's bringing itself to him and Murphy's jealous. He wants the sunlight to love him the way it loves this stranger. He's never seen anything possibly like this before. Nothing like it at all. The young man speaks and Murphy melts. The man's voice is something like he'd never heard before and for the first time in his seventeen years he understands what the other inmates talked about when they said they'd been "sexually awakened" he was pretty sure he'd just had his. He needs him, the stranger is shining like an angel, brother to the floor girl so his name is Blake. Something Blake anyway. He whispers the name low enough that no one can hear him. Murphy knows he loves it already. And as the kids start filling out of the dropship he follows almost instinctively.
It's half a day of longing glances towards the elder Blake and his friend Mbege constantly hitting him to 'stop it' before the man comes up to him. The sunshine still shining off his skin, even out where, where they can all feel it's warmth. Bellamy Blake is his name. He asks Murphy to be his, not romantically of course. But Murphy still finds himself saying yes before the young God can finish his sentence and he feels his heart skip a beat when the Blake smiles and nods. This can't possibly be healthy. But if he knows anything about these crushes that everyone keeps talking about. It should be going away soon. Should be. Or so he's heard. He asks Mbege about it later that day. His friend says to wait a few days, and that it should be gone in a week or so.
002. It's not strange that Bellamy pulls him aside to ask him to help take the wrist bands off. Hell Murphy probably should have thought about it a little better before agreeing. Not that he could help it. He takes it off without a moment's hesitation, helps Mbege's with his too. And upon Bellamy's request starts to lead the rest of the group in on it. He dosen't ask why, it's not like it matters. Bellamy Blake can do no wrong. Not as far as he can see anyway. The guy's new, sure he's older but it's not like that means anything with this group of kids. Bellamy is new and has somehow managed to convince everyone ( with the exception of a small group ) to follow him without hesitation. Murphy's not sure if he should be proud of being the Blake's second considering he's starting to get hate from the group. Sure he's just enforcing Bellamy's rules, but it's easier to blame him than to blame Bellamy, especially considering everyone admires him. ( Murphy gets a bit protective, he admired Bellamy first ).
He dosen't mind, if they need someone to hate they're more than welcome to hate him. He's happy to be Bellamy's shield. Hell he'd be happy to do anything for, to, and with Bellamy. This crush thing is getting stronger instead of slowly fading like it supposed to be. But he's spending more time with Bellamy, and he remembers hearing that if you spend more time with the person it sometimes makes it worse. But he can't bring himself to stop. Bellamy needs him, he can't let people hate Bellamy. So they can hate him instead. If it helps Bellamy. He likes being loyal, and he sees how he's looked at now, Bellamy stops, talks to him, enjoys him. It's his first friend he's made in years, and while Murphy wants it to be so much more he sees how Bellamy is with the girls and dosen't push it. Afterall, as long as he can be there for Bellamy, be there for whatever he needs. He's okay with that. He's perfectly okay with that.
003. Hunting parties aren't fun, that conclusion was sound enough as soon as they realized they weren't alone on the ground. Murphy get's dragged out whenever Bellamy goes ( which tends to be whenever the Griffin girl dosen't go ) because Bellamy insists that 'he dosen't trust anyone else to watch his back' not the way Murphy does. And while he hates hunting. How can he say no to that? So he ends up going on a few, turns out he's pretty good at it too. Has a natural gift for it. Bellamy praises him and there's this warm feeling that runs through Murphy's veins and stomach. He reminds himself that it's just his illusion. Bellamy Blake could never be interested. No he'd be anything that Bellamy wanted him to be, but Bellamy didn't want him to be that. No, John Murphy was just a friend, an second in command, a brother in arms. And he was okay with that.
He wasn't okay with that.
They were on their way back, or they were supposed to be anyway, they were supposed to be on their way back with the food when Bellamy takes him, pushes him against a tree and kisses him for the first time. And oh how they kiss. Murphy falls in love with it. The way the Blake's lips feel pressed against his, the way their hands fit together, the way their bodies fit together. The warmth that comes off of Bellamy's body ( Murphy always knew he had to be descended from some sort of Sun God ). He looses his virginity in the woods. In the dirt, holding onto Bellamy for dear life. It all felt so right, they sit and talk for hours about it after it's done. About them. About us. It's cliche and it's stupid and Murphy feels like he's in one of those terrible stories that the young pre-teen girls told in the group sessions back in the Skybox but he can't help it. He's leaning into Bellamy, under the protection of the boy's arm as he watches him carve their initials into the tree.
When he gets back to camp he tells Mbege. He should have taken better note of the boy's face in retrospect. He's not happy for him, he's worried. Mbege tells him that it's not supposed to be that way. Love dosen't work that way. Bellamy is using him and there's no short way around it. He has a falling out with his best friend that night. He can't accept it. Sure it's rushed, sure he loves Bellamy more than Bellamy loves him. But that's okay. He dosen't mind. Mbege was the only other person who ever gave him a chance in the first place. The friends make up early the next morning. But Mbege's so worried about him that he refuses to let Murphy go anywhere by himself for the whole day and that includes Bellamy time.
004. Which is probably a good think, Miss Griffin shows up out of no where, accusing him of killing her friend and Murphy can laugh. Of course it wasn't him, he'd been out with Bellamy the whole day, and with Mbege all night ( neither of which he mentions because the accusations are frankly stupid ). The girl brings up his knife and holds it up, he lunges for it. That was his. Someone had stolen it, and it wasn't fair she wouldn't give it back when he'd made it himself. He tries to explain it, but she won't let him. And the crowd's in on it a little too quickly. Maybe he should have tried to make a few friends... outside of Bellamy. It's Bellamy's rules that have made him so disliked among the delinquents in the first place. He suddenly gets what Mbege means by the 'magic being gone as quickly as it comes', his mind almost instantly rushes to hate Bellamy Blake.
Especially when he dosen't protect him. He just stands there, arms crossed, looking at him as if he dosen't believe him. As if Murphy begging him that he didn't do it dosen't mean anything. Sure maybe he was violent, sure maybe he'd let Bellamy see him be violent. But a murderer? With a time scale that didn't match? And a weapon that he had lost? It didn't make any sense at all. So he runs, or he tries to. He ends up getting beaten. Mbege stands there stunned, he can't blame him. He's surprised that the kids would act like their parents too. Especially considering they were all going to get floated a few weeks back for doing very stupid shit. You'd think the kids wouldn't care, or would want to handle it differently. But his blood boils when he sees Bellamy do nothing, the most he does is when the blonde haired girl tells him that it's not right. And he just responds with 'give the people what they want'.
It's not right. They grab him. Tie his hands up. And he's certain of it now. He hates Bellamy Blake.
The noose goes around his neck. A crate under his feet. And he can't hate Bellamy. He's he's only hope now, just a no. One no, and he could make everyone else question what they were doing. He begs, he pleads. Even Spacewalker helps him out, and the Griffin girl ( who he was pretty sure hated him ). For once he wished people would listen to the morality duo. But he dosen't stop begging. Bellamy could still be his angel, his saving grace, but instead the Blake looks up at him. For what Murphy things is one last time. His gaze cold. He never cared for Murphy, not really, he needed him, but he hadn't card. And Murphy had told himself he was okay with that.
He wasn't okay with that.
The crate goes out under him. His neck should have snapped. It dosen't.
He should have died.
He dosen't.
005. He dosen't get it. It's the girl's fault but they won't hear it. They won't hear him. Bellamy blames him, blames him for not dying and he dosen't get it. The girl almost got his boyfriend killed ( because Bellamy hasn't gotten rid of that part yet - no this morning they had amazing make up sex, he has the bruised rib to prove it ) and he seems to care more about the girl that he does Murphy. Not that he expected much else, he's realized quite a bit since last night. Bellamy dosen't love him. But even though it all, he can feel that he's needed. Even if it's just for someone Bellamy can use to blame for all the mess they have to go through now, even if he's just someone that Bellamy needs to use to take out all the frustrations that are going about. He dosen't feel that magic anymore, but being the Blake's bitch is the only thing he's good at ( or so it seems ) so he dose what he's told. Until they tell him he can't kill the girl.
The twelve year old girl that almost got him hanged. He'd been planning on being nice too. Killing her quickly, no need to have her suffer like he did. But after that, no he was going to make sure she got what was coming, it's not like she didn't want it either. She understood. It was the rest of them. They wanted to protect her. But she understood her crimes. Murder, blaming it on someone else. She understood she needed to be punished. He was just volunteering. It shouldn't have been a problem. Except Bellamy fucking Blake had to come to her rescue. And the girl hadn't wanted it ( what an idiot ). She'd jumped off the cliff and gotten him banished. Even after death that girl still ruined his life. Not that he should complain, at least he couldn't be the group scapegoat now.
006. He shouldn't have. He knows he shouldn't have but when Octavia finds him he's so relieved. It's been death. He's sure he's been to hell and back again after all this time. His skin is breaking as he moves, he can't so much as blink without his body complaining and punishing him for it. He feels sick on the inside, grotesque on the outside, and when the younger Blake's voice is so comforting, he honestly can't help but melt into it ( it must be a family thing ). The blonde, Clarke ( he finally learns her name ) lets him in when she sees him. Helps him out even, starts nursing him back to health. He forgives her instantly, though he wasn't sure he blamed her in the first place, it wasn't her fault the group didn't listen to her when she told them not to kill him. But she had banished him, so he forgives her for that instead. He didn't think things would go this smoothly. He was expecting to be given shelter for the night and then kept prisoner, exiled again, or hung even. But this is nice, he promises to give back as soon as he's better. He can forgive them all... except maybe three people.
And one of them walks in as he's thinking it. Bellamy fucking Blake points a fucking gun at his head and despite all the anger in his mind. Murphy's body flinches away from the weapon instantly. Any weapon, be it a small knife poses an imitate threat now. It's not like he blames his own body for the triumphant look the the older Blake's eyes, no it's the grounders fault, its Blake's fault. Fucking so called leader didn't even fucking stop the two shitheads who suggested the idea that he had to be hung. Not that he cares much now. He's decided to forgive right. But as he looks at Bellamy one more time he can't bring himself to do it. Not Bellamy fucking Blake. What had he ever seen in him anyway? He was such a coward.
Everyone starts getting sick. And it's a blessing for him. He can prove that he's useful. He learns quickly ( and his mind reminds him of Bellamy teaching him how to hunt ) Clarke even says that he's good at it. Healing others. It makes that warm feeling come back, first time he's felt it so casually, he's never been good at anything except maybe following that damned Blake's orders. So when she tells him this, he's proud. Maybe he can help after all. It's all pretty fun. Pretty games, that is until Bellamy gets sick. Makes the whole drop-ship quarantine seem like a horrible plan of the start. His mood goes south almost instantly. He tries to get over it, even tries to help Bellamy out at one point ( only to get spat at and treated like a rabid street dog ). In the end it makes it worse. He kills. The itch had been in the back of his mind since the gounders, and once it starts he dosen't stop.
The second time he's caught tough. One of Clarke's pups ( he later learns the kid's name is Jasper from the yelling ) catches him. He originally tries to hang him. Almost gets it done too, but he's about to kick the crate out from under Bellamy when the rope comes loose. Bellamy ends up beating him, by the time the kids get him off Murphy almost wishes he was back with the gounders. He's not completely healed yet, and he's pretty sure Bellamy broke one of his ribs. He feels his arms get ripped above him, he can feel Bellamy inside him. But it's not like the first time, it hurts, he dosen't want it. He keeps trying to push Bellamy off. But he can't he's not strong, he's still injured. And it's not like the kids are going to come running to save him. So he's quiet. And it's sick to watch the other get off on it. Watching Murphy cry quietly at the actions he was comiting. What kind of sick soul.
When the doors open Bellamy gets off, pulls up his pants before the others can even peak through and Murphy is left there half exposed in the corner wishing to God he'd just listened to that Jasper rat. Because now he's replaying the grounders, and Bellamy and the grounders, and Bellamy in his head. Over and over again. He's shaking. His body feels horrible. Ripped apart. Taken advantage of. But that's not possible right? Boys don't get raped. It's an old crime, they haven't even tried anyone for it in ages. More of a myth really. He'd never thought humanity could do that. When Octavia finally sees him she gasps a little. Helps him get ready. He's surprised, the family can be so different. She's so kind. And he's a monster. He spits at Bellamy as Clarke and her spacewalker boyfriend drag him away. They'd set him free tell him he's free to run if he wanted, but they can't let him go, they need the manpower for the war. Not that it matters, Bellamy sends him on an errand run through the gunfire ( he's expendable apparently despite the fact he saved lives ). He runs back before the errand is done when he sees the fire. But everyone's gone and Raven just glares at him. And Murphy's pretty sure she's implied that Bellamy is dead.
He dosen't know why that hurts. It really shouldn't. He should be glad.
007. Bellamy isn't dead. No he can tell that pretty well from the way the other's fists collide with his face, with his torso. Some adults pull him off and that's the end of it ( for the moment ). They get back, and end up in a cell together. The adults leave them alone for hours. Neither fully apologize. But they seem to stop hating each other. Which might make things easier. Or harder, it really depends how one looks at it. When Finn comes to rescue Bellamy, Bellamy brings him along. They get on their way, the adults let them go. He's not sure how he feels about not getting a weapon. They've barely been an hour into the trek when Bellamy pulls him behind for a moment, just a moment, and kisses his cheek with an 'I need you' and the magic's back. Those three little words. Ruined his life. And he know's they're going to do it again. And he dosen't care. After he thought he could never forget. His brain dosen't seem to function and his heart flutters and he just follows Bellamy blindly.
He's so glad he's brought along. He ends up saving Bellamy's life. And the silent thank you he gets is more than enough than what he think he'll ever need. Just a day ago he thought he wanted to murder this man. And now he's back to falling head over heals for him. He tries to stop himself, he certainly is worried that it'll end like the first time. But Bellamy trusts him again, he gets a gun when he follows Finn. But when Finn decimates the village... he's sure he's going to get blamed again. He's everyone scapegoat again... now that he's Bellamy's again.
But they get back, and it dosen't happen. They get back, and get cleared a few hour later. The parents don't seem to care. Too busy with other things. And Bellamy dosen't seem to blame him either. He needs that, while everyone is giving him that look Bellamy stands by him. Maybe he's learned his lesson. Or so Murphy hopes. He know's Bellamy is stressed out, so he dosen't mind the roughness of the sex that happens afterwards. He dosen't mind the purple marks on his arms that probably aren't going away any time soon. They'd be fine. Because this time, Bellamy wasn't going to push a crate out from under him. This time Bellamy believed what he said. This time was different.
008. He let's him hit him. He didn't mean to. But he walks in on Bellamy beating up a tree and seeing his hands in that condition hurts him inside, so he just has to. He has to let Bellamy use him instead. It's Clarke's mothers fault this time. Their friends are trapped inside of Mount Weather and she didn't seem to care. Not that any of those people were Murphy's friends, but they were Bellamy's so he stood by him. He was his boyfriend after all. When the Blake finishes letting out his anger it's been a while, Murphy can't count the time, but he certainly can't walk either. He hears the Blake apologize, and whisper the three little words and Murphy just smiles, he just nods and smiles. And promises that he won't hurt him, he promises he'll ask Kane for gym access or something and Murphy just laughs. A gym down here? Right. But the duo walk back to camp, make up some lame story about Murphy getting lost and Bellamy finding him at the bottom of a ditch knocked out that fools nobody. Not that it matters. Because Bellamy stays by his side all night.
009. They've been working against the Mountain for a while now, Murphy dosen't really count how long, he just knows Jaha's trying to leave after some sort of report that came in from the Grounder queen and he really is considering leaving with them. Bellamy's hands can't seem to stay off of him. And that's not always a good thing. They're trying to be careful, Murphy dosen't want anyone hating Bellamy. That's what he's here for. Any negative energy can be redirected at him. But hiding it meas that Bellamy keeps hitting the same spots. Which means Murphy is wearing only long sleeves, and doing his best to keep his head down.
When they march he's too injured to move. They fake a cold ( or they think they're fooling the others anyway ) and Murphy stays in bed all day. Worried to hell about Bellamy's mission but he's not surprised when he's woken up almost fourteen hours later by a very worried Abbey Griffin. There seems to be quite a bit of that worry going around. But Murphy's fine, her worry should be with her daughter and with his boyfriend. The blue, purple and green disasters that his sweatshirt is hiding don't mean anything. Bellamy was just a little rough this past week. But Bellamy needed him. It's not like Murphy could complain. Not when he knew that if he did they were going to take Bellamy away from him.
But he questions his decision not to leave with the idiot Jaha when the cavalry returns. That night is particularly painful. He blames Clarke for leaving, but Murphy isn't sure why that's his fault. Everyone else ( Jasper excluded ) had a perfectly fine and happy reunion. Why couldn't they have one night like that? One night where Bellamy didn't have to do that. To use him. And Murphy was about to complain. He was really about to ( or so he likes to tell himself ) but then Bellamy whispered how much he needed him, thanked him, and apologized over and over as he hurt him. Broke him.
Sure, he ended up in the hospital room again. Jackson didn't buy this story either. Not that the younger males noticed, Murphy was too busy looking at Bellamy's eyes watching him. And Bellamy's seemed to be fixed on the mark's he'd left on his skin. Murphy could see the regret in his eyes, and that was all that mattered. They weren't a perfect couple, heck they weren't even public. But they worked. Bellamy needed him, and he was going to do what he could for him. He'd forgiven him, and Bellamy had forgiven him too. They were new now, they trusted each other more. It was different this time, it wasn't a crush. No. He was in love this time. Bellamy loved him too, he was sure of it. Though honeslty, he hadn't asked yet.
010. He's eating lunch when Raven takes note. She dosen't like him, not at all. But she notices the black eye and Bellamy's knuckles as they hold hands on the table. They just came out that morning. She congratulates them hesitantly, looks at him one more time, like she wants to say something more. Shuts her mouth ( thinks better of it ) and gets up. Walking away. He's glad when she's gone, because he gets to sink into his lover, it hurts just to sit up, but Bellamy wraps an arm around him, lets him lean in on him, and even feeds him the rest of his food. Obviously Bellamy loves him, they are meant to be. It's so obvious. How can anyone doubt it?
011. Bellamy's kicked him halfway across the room twice, and has him pinned to the wall by the neck with the young Grounder-Blake walks in with her grounder boyfriend. She beats her brother, not much, and Murphy complains because Bellamy isn't even defending himself. But she stops before Bellamy's injured and grabs him dragging him out of the dropship room that they share. He ends up spending the night with Octavia and her boyfriend under the stars. He thanks them, it's the best sleep he's had since he reunited with Bellamy. It's so relaxing, he has two guardian Angeles watching him as he rests. Octavia wakes him, before her morning guard shift, tells him to end it. Murphy falls asleep later, not that he can help it. When Lincoln ( he finally learned the guy's name ) wakes, the same thing happens and Murphy has to hold back from rolling his eyes.
He won't let it go so far anymore. That's what he tells himself anyway. But Bellamy needs an outlet or he'll go crazy. And it's not like he's trusted to do anything else by the group right now. So he usually just sits in medical with Abbey and Jackson anyway, might as well give them something to do in the morning. Plus, when he finally decides he can drag his ass to breakfast his boyfriends waiting there with handpicked flowers and Murphy know's he's made the right choice. They can't possibly be right about this. Not this. He needs to be right about this.
012. It only gets worse from there. It's almost three months later that Jackson tells him that if he dosen't break up with Bellamy he's going to end up dead. He's already gone through enough blood transfers just this past week. that on one of the most recent runs to Mount Weather Abbey has to ask for triple the amount she usually does. He's pretty sure Mother Griffin has adopted him as her own... with her daughter gone and everything... the way she worries about him whenever he leaves the medical bay anyway. Even when it's just to eat lunch with Wick, or help Monty out with a wrench. It's multiple times a day that he has to go in now, especially on the days that the mission objective is just 'look for Clarke' because they never find her. And Murphy's wishing they do soon.
But maybe he shouldn't have wished it. Because when they come back from the trip and Bellamy's leg is hurt he think's he's caught a break. If even for two days while his boyfriend heals. But shit is he wrong, the third day's so so much worse than he could have ever imagined. He's pretty sure he's bleeding out on the floor of their room, then later on Bellamy's shirt, and later on the hospital bed. He can hear Octavia yelling at Bellamy as Jackson and Abbey do whatever it is that they're trying to do. To make sure he dosen't die on the bed. This is the second time Bellamy's almost killed him. Octavia keeps yelling that over and over. And both times it's been while they've been dating. Octavia keeps yelling that too. She keeps saying stuff that's bad about Bellamy. But she dosen't seem to understand that it's not the same as before. She dosent seem to understand that he dosen't mind Bellamy doing it.
It means that he trusts him. He needs him. How is that bad? He wants to spit at her, and cuss her out for even suggesting that Bellamy's a bad person. But he can't. Because he hears the heart rate thing stop as he closes his eyes. He should have died.
But he dosen't.
Even after he wakes up. Bellamy isn't allowed to see him. And it's been a week, he's been asleep for a week and they won't even let him see his boyfriend. When they finally allow it Murphy curses them all out. His boyfriend's in pain, and they wouldn't let him help him. He can see it in his eyes, the way they're so clouded, the way he's so fidgety. He needs to let it out. And hey didn't let him. As soon as they're allowed Bellamy runs to him, scoops him up in his arms and kissing his so dearly that Murphy can't see how anyone things Bellamy would go as far as kill him. He stopped last time didn't he? Honestly. They're worried for nothing.
013. It's four days later that he's being forced on a horse by Octavia on the mission to Polis. She's returning to the grounders with Indra, but she's taking him to Polis first. He's going to be Clarke's second or something in the capitol. She dosen't trust him but can put up with him. And her mother basically begged her to do it after Murphy ended up a breath away from death two times within the same week. Bellamy comes out to say goodbye, they kiss, hold hands until he has to leave, he whispers three different words to Bellamy. I love you. Bellamy dosen't say them back, he just nods a small 'I know' leaves the man's lips but nothing more.
And those two words haunt him.
014. They haunt him for a while. Until he gets to see Bellamy again, Bellamy tells him he loves him. The day starts off fine and Bellamy's about to hurt him when the guards Lexa's set at his room door come bursting in to pull Bellamy off, Murphy almost looses it when they do it. This is how Bellamy loves him, they can't take that away. So they don't. They learn to stay out during the Older Blake's visits. No matter how much he cries and screams. The grounder healers keep telling him he's crazy. And they're back to square one. Just a different location, and maybe not every day of the week. But its different now for another reason too. Because he loves him. And Bellamy's said he loves him too.