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Rory- yes, Rory, that's right. He called himself Rory now. Well... in his head at least.
He still hasn't told Amy or his dad. He just… can't. Not yet, at least. It's been hard for the past few weeks, he never thought that this is where he'd be.
The realization hit him like a truck. Like a big, unimaginable weight towering over him. Just… how had he never realized before? Eighteen years, and he had never realized. And now that he looked back, he could see the signs. He just didn't understand why now, and not before?
And you know the worst thing about realizing that you're not a girl? The thoughts. He'd had them before, but never like this. Never this clearly and never this harshly. Now he felt it in his bones. The way even knowing that his chest was there made him squirm. Looking at them was even worse.
And physical attributes weren't the only thing, of course not. Rory had known this for a long time now. He hated being called a girl, a lady, a whatever, but he had never said anything. He had just smiled awkwardly, and brushed it off.
It was just too… much. What was he supposed to do now? He can’t continue living like this, in this body, that much he knew. But he's scared. Just so unbelievably scared. Scared because, how was he supposed to tell Amy and his dad? Scared because, what would this mean for his future? Scared because, as much he wanted it, getting surgery scared him to death.
Rory let the tears pricking at the back of his eyes fall down to his cheeks as he pushed his face against the pillow. He wanted to disappear. Why him? Why had he even realized in the first place? Why couldn't he have had just continued living his life as he had before?
Why couldn't he be normal?