Chapter Text
Standing near the middle of her underground bunker’s basketball court with the rest of her surviving classmates, Uzi Doorman was doing her utmost to present a cool indifferent façade to the building excitement coursing through her processors. Nearly half a year after defeating (and eating) the Absolute Solver.
(YoU Can CaLl ME CyN),
UZI Doorman’s life had settled into the closest thing to normalcy the host of an eldritch- hyper advanced-laws of physic ignoring-AI horror could get too.
( BuT HEr FasHiOn seNSe wAs UPGraded wiTh PreTTy BoWs!)
Sure, she could manifest new…fleshy parts that she didn’t have before. Like wings, murder claws and an annoyingly talkative 6 eyed monster tail among other changes.
(WiTh AMAzing FasHiOn acCeSsORies! LiKe BoWS!)
Along with reality bending god like powers, Uzi should have been the most popular girl at school. But she wasn’t.
(I ThINk IT’s BeCauSe sHe ONlY weaRs BlaCK oR PORPel BoWS!)
The gym the assembled bots had gathered in was like many of the formally human made areas in Copper-9 (with far fewer flash frozen corpses). Frost covered most of the space and in a corner, a frozen waterfall had formed from a broken pipe in the ceiling. Banners and adverts covered the spaces they normally would expect with more bot-centric ads, such as “Sarah’s Silicon Strip Spaghetti” and “Deceitful Bobs high grade Gas” plastered around the area.
With the bunkers second ever Drone graduation underway, colorful and celebratory banners and messages of congratulations (along with posters morning those lost) were the dominate decorations in the area.
(I hELpeD wIth thE bOws ANd strEmErs AND pICtuRes!)
Like everyone else standing in the middle of the gym, listening to their teacher give the commencement speech, Uzi was wearing the traditional Cap and gown. Underneath that get-up Uzi had her trademark purple and black striped beanie with black boots and long, dark purple light purple striped socks and leggings. Her black skull choker with the number "002" on it, a memento of her mother, finished out the aesthetic her boyfriend called “Cute Goth Goblin!”
(ShE IS DatINg Big BRothER N! SO GROSS!)
In a few hours’ time she would be her own drone, free from the oversight of the various “adults” that lorded their position of self-imposed authority over her. Plans for a future “sick as hell railgun” (a real railgun this time, one that fired actual SABOT rounds at supersonic speeds instead of a plasma emitter) danced through her CPU. She only half listened as her teacher went on and on about this being “An ultimately unimportant moment in a life of ceaseless drudgery” and how “Not a single one of you will care about this day when the next apocalyptic event threatens to unravel our fragile, meaningless existence.” Uzi wasn’t too caught up in her own thoughts to notice the entire assembly stared at her at the mention of “apocalyptic event”.
“Bite Me! Remember who saved this miserable ice ball of a planet from being eaten in the first place!”
Silence encompassed the gym as every face screen stared at her in confusion. Uzi sighed.
“It was me. I saved you all from being eaten”
The entire gym erupted into celebration, even her grotesque living abomination of a tail gave out a monotone “yippie”
(YIPpIE!)
Uzi pretended to halfheartedly toss her cap with the others when suddenly she was tackled from behind and lifted several feet into the air.
“UZI!” A very excited disassembly drone shouted as he spun his girlfriend around and around.
“N! Stop it you big dingus!”
The tall handsome and silvered haired genocide robot complied, stopping and turning the smaller worker drone around only for him to happily crush her into his chest, his nanite-acid tail wagging back and forth like an excited puppy. He wore his knee length fluffy pilot coat and pilot hat that just avoided covering the ring of orbs that functioned as his real eyes. He gave Uzi his biggest fang filled smile and gently put her down earning him a peck on the cheek.
(ThAt Is So GroSS)
“Ugg, Gross. Can’t you two like, not make out for more than 2 seconds?”
Lizzy, a drone dressed as a cheerleader with cat-ear headphones and an entire planet supply of pink clothing and accessories walked up to the group, her face buried in her phone. Behind her stood another disassembly drone. V was female and slightly smaller than N but still towering above the gathered worker drones.
“But…we weren’t making out! Yet!”
N earnestly protested
(DoN’T bE GRoSs BiG BrotHEr N!)
“Don’t be gross N!” Uzi said as she elbowed her boyfriend. “And don’t lecture us about gross…couple stuff! You two suck face-plates all the time! We’re not half as cringe as you lez-bots”
“Whatever, are you two losers going to Thad’s for the graduation party?” The female murder bot, asked, idly picking something from her wickedly sharp teeth with an equally wickedly sharp claw.
As with her “brother” V also had a black headband with five yellow orb like eyes and a long black tail ending in a large stinger holding Nanite-Acid. She wore a black-gray, short-sleeved crop coat with a fur collar and cuffs and, thanks to Lizzy, chassis tight Yellow and Black tights. Until Lizzy convinced V to cover up, she had gone bottomless, simply painting her stilt like metal legs the same black and yellow hazard lines her current outfit sported. Once she did start wearing pants the uptick in Male Drone Over Heating started to level off. Cases are still higher than normal.
Before Uzi could answer (Hell no!) The aforementioned Thad jogged up to the group, a smile plastered on his face.
“Z! N! What’s up guys! You two are totally coming to my place, right? It’s gona be so cool! My dads springing for Premium Petrol and”
The conventionally attractive and stereotypical jock male worker drone lowered his voice conspiratorially
“We’re gona have anti-freeze!”
(THIs “THDd” hAs veRy …grEEN eyES…GreEn is My SeCond FaVORite CoLOr. GueSS WhAT my FAVorITE COLor IS?!?!)
Uzi rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep a small grin from her face
“Goober. We’re adult drones now.” She gave a side eyed glance to her tall boyfriend who was still wagging his deadly tail like an over excited puppy. “Most of us are anyway. We can drink whatever and whenever we want”
“Hell yeah! That’s the spirit Uzi! So, you’re coming right?”
She didn’t need to look at N to know that the digital eyes on his face-plate were replaced by a picture of stupidly cute golden retrievers and that his stupidly kissable lips were making that stupidly adorable pout that just made Uzi want to punch him in his stupidly handsome face. With her own stupid lips.
“Fine.”
Thad and N simultaneously pumped their fists before going into a choreographed and over complicated high five. The females of the group rolled their eyes in synchronicity.
“I can’t wait! It’s going to be so cool! I’ll see you all later! Remember, everything starts around 1900hrs!”
Lizzy stopped typing on her phone long enough to look N and Uzi up and down.
“You aren’t going like that right? This is, like, our last get together before we like…move on and stuff.”
“Bite me Lizzy. Also, it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again. Two generations of drones have never left the bunker and I doubt we’re gona be the first”
“Yeah like, whatever. When you come by, just try to dress as something nicer then...”
She waved her hand at Uzi’s general direction.
“That”
Before the small drone could issue a retort N knelt in front of Uzi, the neon yellow eyes on his face-plate wide with hope and excitement.
“Dapper Buddies!”