Archive of Our Own

Admittedly, Charlie was not the best flyer.

There were a lot of things not in his favour when it came to flying, including food options, having no control over who he sat near or next to, and the whole thing of having zero influence over the plane or flight itself. For someone who liked to maintain some element of control, flying was trusting a lot of people, and a very big aircraft, to do everything right and Charlie just didn’t have that type of blind faith in anything.

But flying was a part of his job, whether he liked it or not. The conference he’d been sent to was in Glasgow, far enough away that his work would rather spend the money on an hour and half flight, over the nearly eight hour car ride and Charlie was absolutely not about to take the train that far either. When Tori moved to Edinburgh for uni, he’d taken the train up to visit her and it would be far worse than flying, at least that was over relatively quickly.

Charlie’s anxiety had him arriving at the airport an hour earlier than recommended, just on the off chance something came up. But nothing had happened and Charlie only spent 45 minutes checking in and going through security, which left him a terrible two hours to find something to occupy his time. Sitting with his legs up in the less than comfy seats, he started to read a book he’d picked up recently, but found himself barely interested. After spending nearly three days straight immersed in the world of publishing, he sort of didn't want to do anything related to his work, which also apparently included reading too.

Putting the book on the empty seat beside him, he sent a series of texts to Tori, mostly complaining about being bored. She didn’t reply, but the little Read notification showed up and Charlie sighed a little dramatically, having already run out of ideas. There was a small coffee shop a few feet from his terminal and he recently grabbed his bags to head over and get something to drink. His stomach was a bit too wobbly to try to eat, especially at a new place, but he ordered a flat white to go, paying way too much for it, using his per diem money work always sent him with. He barely ever used it, he preferred to bring his own food to conferences, so he had plenty to spend on the overpriced drink.

Wandering back over to the empty terminal, he was surprised to see something standing next to the row of seats he’d just vacated. The guy was hunched over the chair, rummaging through a large shoulder bag. From the profile, Charlie admired the stranger’s face, even from a distance he found him strikingly handsome and Charlie found himself walking a bit quicker, taking a seat a few empty chairs down from him.

The stranger looked over at Charlie, revealing a very pretty face indeed, with pale skin and freckles, warm brown eyes, with soft features, giving the man a bit of a baby face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Charlie echoed back, smiling weakly. He probably looked terrible, that's for sure. He never slept well away from his own bed for so long and the night before a flight was always the worst for him. He’d brought his normal curl shampoo, but he wasn’t arsed to do the whole routine for a day of travel, so he rightfully assumed his hair was untamed and disastrous.

“Glad to know I’m not the only one who is impossibly, embarrassing early for flights,” he joked, standing up fully before taking the seat next to his bag, leaving three seats between the two of them. Charlie wasn’t one for small talk, especially since he’d just spent the weekend running his social battery down to empty. Usually when people chatted him up, especially men who looked as burly and laddish as the stranger, he’d offer a polite smile before excusing himself or putting his ear buds in.

But there was something irresistibly charming about the stranger, the fringe of his blonde hair kept falling into his eyes and he kept sweeping it off away in a single handed gesture. His smile was gentle, polite but not so much a pageant smile, but of someone who seemed to genuinely enjoy human interaction. Sort of the exact opposite of Charlie, in reality and of course, he was very, very good looking. He was built like he played sports, broad shouldered and as he shrugged off his jacket, sporting a pair of strong arms.

“Yeah,” Charlie answered, his throat oddly dry. He took a sip of his coffee. “Can never be too careful.”

“Yeah,” the stranger echoed. “I fly a lot for work, I’ve learned that the second you’re not early, you’re late. And it didn’t help that even with the late checkout my hotel checkout was at noon, I already lingered in the city as much as I could bear, to be honest.”

“Same,” Charlie said, taking another sip of his coffee, which was probably still too hot to drink. “I spent the last few days in the city, got all my sightseeing done already. And it seemed mostly pointless to wander with all my luggage.”

“So, are you from London then? If you’re up here sightseeing,” the stranger asked, relaxing into the very uncomfortable seats. Charlie shifted on his own, placing his coffee in the little hole in the arm rest. The cup was way bigger, the coffee jostled as he did so, but didn’t spill over thankfully.

“I’m from Kent, actually but I have lived in London for the last 10 years or so.”

“Oh really, me too! I’m from the Rochester area,” the stranger said jovially.

Charlie blinked at him, half wondering if this was some elaborate joke. “No shit, me too. I went to Truham.”

“St. John’s,” the stranger said with a laugh. “Would you look at that? What's the likelihood we meet here in an airport in Glasgow? I’m Nick, by the way.” The newly named Nick leaned over the empty three seats, extending his hand out.

Charlie leaned over to take it, about to introduce himself when the coffee jostled just enough to tip out of the holder and all over his lap. “Ah shit,” he said, yanking his hand back before it could take Nick’s. “Fuckity, fuck fuck.”

He shot up, the liquid seeping through his shirt and jeans, thankfully not too hot. He grabbed the cup, placing it on the ground, but it was useless, nearly all of it ended up in Charlie’s lap. “Are you okay?” Nick said getting up and coming over, he looked a little frantic. “Are you burnt?”

“No,” Charlie said, looking around and spotting the loo down the terminal. “Thankfully it was expensive lukewarm coffee. I just don’t have a change of clothes on me and I look like I pissed myself.”

“Not to sound really weird but I’ve got some spare joggers and a jumper, if you’d like? Might be a bit big on you seeing as if you’re…”

“Small?” Charlie chimed in.

“I mean, yeah compared to me,” Nick said sheepishly. “Not that it’s a bad thing. Or anything. Men can be dainty too.”

Usually if anyone made mention of Charlie’s weight or body type, it would make him feel rather uncomfortable. He wasn’t exactly comfortable in his own skin, not as bad as it used to be but he still felt… limited in how much he was willing to even make mention of his appearance. And yet, teasing Nick seemed to outweigh his discomfort. “Right, dainty, thanks rugby lad.”

Nick scowled. “How’d you know I played rugby?”

“Big rugby arms, and you mentioned St. John, I know they used to beat Truham all the time. I wasn’t anywhere near the rugby field, though.” Charlie’s interactions with rugby lads in general tended to be negative, those were his biggest bullies growing up but he knew now to judge everyone. “But um, it’s fine. I can just dry under the hand dryer.”

“It’s my fault for trying to shake your hand.”

“It’s not,” Charlie laughed. “Nick, really. I should have paid better attention, but thank you so much for the offer.”

“Please,” Nick pressed, sounding so genuine it took Charlie by surprise. “Just wear them until yours are dry, yeah? Even if you put them under the dryer it’ll take some time.”

Charlie thought about it, he’d rather not stand around in his pants in the loo while his clothes dried. He sighed, realizing he was about to wear a stranger’s joggers. “Okay, yeah, thanks.”

“Good, hold on,” Nick said, walking back over to his bag. He rummaged, pulling out a pair of gray joggers and a jumper. “They are clean, I promise. I just bought them in case I wanted to change.”

“No worries,” Charlie said. “You’re doing me a solid. Oh and um, I’m Charlie, you should know my name before I wear your pants.”

Nick laughed and held out his hand and they finally shook. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same, I’m just gonna go change?”

A sudden feeling of embarrassment rushed over him, as Charlie dashed towards the loo, clutching Nick’s clothing in his arms. The loo was empty and he used the slightly bigger stall to shed his jeans and shirt, throwing on Nick’s clothing, which smelled so good Charlie nearly moaned. He brought his jeans and shirt out to the sink, wetting them and putting them under the hand dryer for a bit, but the smell was still strong enough and the dryer didn’t really clean them very much. He caught his reflection, hair wild, face a little flush and absolutely drowning in Nick’s blue jumper, an Addias logo over the left breast.

When he walked back over to Nick, he felt a little silly. The joggers were big on him, the string pulled pretty tight but they weren’t in danger of falling off him. The jumper was big, baggy, covering over his arms, he rolled the sleeves up over his forearms, but they kept slowly sliding down. When he arrived, Nick was standing in between their seats, holding two cups of coffee.

“Oh,” Charlie said, as Nick held out a cup.

“I got you a new drink, I figured you got it from the spot over there and I asked what you got since I have no idea about coffee. She remembered you enough and I think it’s something about white flat? I hope it’s the right one.”

“You really didn’t have to,” Charlie said, knowing he was blushing up a storm. “You’re being really nice to a stranger.”

Nick shrugged, sitting two seats away from Charlie, making Charlie take the seat next to the coffee split one. Barely any got on the floor or the chair, but he still avoided it. “A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”

Charlie gave him a deadpan stare. “Did you get kidnapped a lot as a child?”

“No, but I did get a lot of candy from guys in white vans.”

It took only a second for the two of them to break into giggles, Nick sipping his drink but still smiling at him. “Can I pay you back for the drink?” Charlie asked.

“Nah, it wasn’t much,” Nick shrugged. “So, what brings you out to Glasgow?”

“I work in publishing and there was a small conference out here. You?”

“My ex-girlfriend from uni’s wedding.”

Charlie blanched. “You went to your ex’s wedding? That’s… I mean, I wouldn’t do that.”

Nick blushed, a pretty pink colour that only accented his features. “We’re still friends, we broke up like six years ago. She was my uni girlfriend, we met as freshers and broke up on good terms when we both graduated. We wanted different things, I wanted to get married, she wanted to go off and be an adult without responsibility after finishing uni. Can’t really blame her to be honest.”

“Oh and now she’s off getting married and you’re…” Charlie trailed, Nick was, in the least, straight, but he could bisexual or pan, or maybe even single. He didn’t spy a ring, but that really didn’t mean anything.

“Single,” Nick laughed. “I just broke up with my girlfriend five months ago, she was going to be my date, so I ended up coming up alone.” “Was it bad? I mean,” Charlie laughed. “Ignore me, that's an oddly personal question.”

“It’s alright,” Nick said. “If you can’t be oddly personal with a stranger you met in the airport then who can you be personal with? And it was fine, a little bittersweet but Mabel and Joshua are a perfect couple, I’m happy for them.”

“That sounds like a very rehearsed answer, Nick. Tell me how you really feel.”

Nick laughed. “I thought you said you were a publisher not a therapist.”

“I am, I’ve just attended therapy since I was 15, so I’ve got the lingo down.”

Nick took another sip of his drink, it smelled like hot chocolate. “I felt sad. I broke up with Danielle because we weren’t… I dunno, we’d been dating for nearly four years and I didn’t even know what we were doing. I’m a bit of a romantic, I guess and I always thought by now, by the time I turned 30, I’d have at least met the ‘one’ but now I feel farther than ever.”

“I’m sorry Nick,” Charlie said gently. “There’s no expiration date on finding the ‘one’ you know. Who knows maybe you’ll sit next to them on the flight? Or tomorrow bump into someone on the street. And if it makes you feel better, I’m turning 30 next year and I’m also painfully, woefully single. Just broke up with my partner.”

Charlie purposely used partner instead of boyfriend. It was a built in defensive mechanism just in case Nick was one of those terrible rugby lads. Charlie was very proud and happy to be gay, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to protect himself just a little.

“Oh that sucks,” Nick offered. “How long had you been dating? If it’s not too personal.”

“About three years, I think. We just had a difference of wants, I think. I started dating him,” Charlie said, realising he let slip a pronoun, but Nick didn’t bat an eye. “At a weird time in my life, I think Lewis was what I needed then, but not what I actually wanted, or needed now. I know it sounds weird.”

“It doesn’t,” Nick said, leaning in closer, despite having the entire area to themselves. There weren’t even staff at the booth by the door yet. “That’s sort how I felt with Danielle too. It’s embarrassing but I haven’t had too many long term relationships, it’s hard with my job, I do a lot of traveling and my schedule is busy. Danielle wanted easy and carefree, she didn’t need to see me constantly and that was great but also… I sort of wanted that? I couldn’t see myself marrying her or staying with her and I guess she was feeling the same way.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Charlie answered. “If you count one very toxic ex boyfriend in secondary, I’ve only seriously dated like three people.”

“Yeah,” Nick echoed. “Pretty much the same, had a secondary girlfriend, one in uni and then Danielle.” Nick laughed, shaking his head. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my abysmal love life. What about your job? I don’t think I’ve ever met a publisher before, what do you do there?”

“I don’t mind, you know,” Charlie said. “But I work as an editor, I specialise in historical fiction for the most part. It’s not super glamorous or anything, I spend a lot of time reading and trying to help authors get their best work published.”

“That sounds cool,” Nick said and for once, Charlie believed someone could think his job was cool. Usually guys just smiled and nodded, or made some comment about how boring and uneventful his life must be. “Do you have a favorite type of historical fiction? Is there one you get more often?”

“Mostly Greek, to be honest. I don’t get a lot of it, but I really enjoy it when I do. That was my speciality in school, Greek Classics,” Charlie answered, really surprised to see how genuine Nick looked as he listened.

“You’re a proper nerd aren’t you?” Nick joked and Charlie could tell it wasn’t meant to be an insult.

Charlie laughed, as Nick went slightly pink again. “Yes, I guess you could say that I’m your typical gay nerd. What about you rugby lad?”

“I actually play semi professional rugby,” Nick admitted, with a chuckle. “So you weren’t really that far off.”

“Oh, that’s cool. What team?”

Nick quirked an eyebrow. “If I told you a team, would you know them?”

“Absolutely not,” Charlie admitted. “You can tell me your team is the Flying Toasters and I wouldn’t bat an eye. Totally not into sports, but you could tell me anyway.”

“I play for Barnes RFC,” Nick said.

“Yup, no idea,” Charlie answered. “To be fair, I’m not even all that sure on how to play rugby and no,” Charlie held up his hand. “I don’t need to know either. I’m very happy just watching fit men in short shorts running into each other without knowing the rules.”

Nick laughed, rolling his eyes. “Well, if you change your mind, I’ve been told I’m very good at explaining the rules.”

“Ah, let me guess, pretty girls told you that?” Charlie joked, but it seemed like Nick was more confused than anything else, pressing his lips together.

“Oh yeah, I guess,” Nick laughed, shaking his head. “They were just flirting with me, weren’t they? I swear I’m not dense, I just often miss flirting, my teammates rib me on it all the time. As you can tell, I guess I just like talking to people.”

Charlie was a bit disappointed, he was hoping Nick had been flirting with him, but it seems like he wasn’t. He was just a very kind person, which wasn’t inherently bad. “Despite this, I’m usually quite the opposite,” Charlie said. “I usually hate making small talk with people. I’m not a very interesting person if I’m being honest. And I just spent the entire weekend doing it.”

“Oh,” Nick said, leaning away from him. “I’ll leave you alone then-”

“No,” Charlie cut him off, holding his hand up. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I like talking to you, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time, not just the past hour. I just was saying, I normally don’t have a connection with people like this. I’ve got like three friends, one of which isn’t talking to me right now so basically two friends. I barely talk to other people on a good day, honestly.” Charlie laughed. “God, I sound pathetic, maybe you won't want to talk to me anymore.”

“I think you’re interesting,” Nick said, sounding so genuine again. “And if it makes you feel better, my mum’s my best friend. I really don’t have anyone else.”

“I find that surprising,” Charlie said, trying to figure out how this guy has no friends. “You’re so nice and … I dunno, safe? Which sounds lame, sorry.”

“I get that a lot,” Nick shrugged, rolling his shoulders back. “But I dunno, I feel like I have to be a certain way around some people. Like my rugbymates, they’re all rowdy rugby lads, going out drinking and I usually end up feeling like the adult of the group, making sure no one gets hurt or drinks too much. My mates from school, they all have real lives, married with kids and with them I feel like I’m a child, you know? And I don’t think I’m either of those, I’m definitely not the most mature person, nor am I like a rowdy twenty year old. I dunno what I am, to be honest. I’ve spent a lot of my life just trying to crame myself into being whoever I’m around and-”

Nick paushed, shaking his head. “God, sorry you are not my therapist. You’re gonna think I’m a nutter for sure.”

Charlie got up, moving to the seat next to Nick’s, which seemed to surprise him. Charlie reached out tentatively, putting his hand on Nick’s arm and giving it a squeeze. “It’s alright, honestly. It sort of sounds like you needed to get some of that out?”

“Yeah.” Nick gave a humorless laugh. “I do have an actual therapist who hears about it but I guess I’ve been holding that in a lot. I’m just - this weekend was more than what I thought it would be. Seeing Mabel get married just… I dunno.”

“I have to say, it is really nice of you to go to an ex’s wedding. I know if any of mine would ask me, I’d tell them to fuck off.”

“You’re better than me, honestly. That’s what I need to learn to do, tell people no instead of just agreeing and grinning and bearing it.”

“I’m not always that good at it either,” Charlie said. “But I’ve been through some shit, more than once and somehow that gave me some kind of backbone. I used to let an ex, the shitty secondary one, walk all over me and it took ages for me to learn to stand up to him.”

“I’m sorry you had a bad experience,” Nick said. Charlie was used to other people’s sympathy, he got it constantly. Anytime anyone learned anything about his life, his past, it was all ‘oh Charlie, you poor boy’, or ‘oh sorry Charlie it must have sucked’. And it did suck, but he was older now and wiser and he didn’t need people’s constant sorries.

“It happens,” Charlie answered, hoping to avoid any further deeper questions. Nick might open up to him and although Nick did feel rather safe, he didn’t know how much Nick could take. Charlie’s life came with so much baggage, way too much for any one person to carry. It might have been the reason why he just broke up with Lewis too, he might have just met a nearly out of inpatient Charlie, but he wasn’t prepared for Charlie’s long history with it. He wasn’t prepared for everything that came once Charlie had settled back into his life. Just because he left inpatient in a better state of mind, it didn’t mean all of his mental illnesses were gone.

“It shouldn’t,” Nick said, all too kindly. “I’m sorry if that sounds condescending or minimising your experience. I just mean, I hate when good people get treated like garbage.”

“And I’m good people?” Charlie asked, grinning. “You don’t actually even know me, I can be a serial killer for all you know.”

“Nah,” Nick said, a charming smile spread across his face. This was dangerous, Charlie knew, letting his heart get involved with Nick. “I get the good type vibes from you. It’s the blue eyes, they are quite magical.”

“Magical?” Charlie laughed. “That’s a new one. Most guys just call them pools, or oceans, it’s their go to line when trying to pull.”

“Does it work?” Nick asked quickly. “Er, I mean, god, what’s with me asking such personal questions.”

“Not really,” Charlie admitted. “I’ve never uh, had a one night stand, or anything. Like I said, only three major relationships in my life, nothing in between. I guess I don’t see the point in it, just shagging someone for a single night. There’s so much vulnerability happening when you’re naked and with someone, how do I even have time to know I can trust them?”

Charlie thought for a moment, he said far too much, but Nick nodded his head, pressing his lips together, before speaking. “I really do agree with you. I get a lot of… fans when we go out to pubs, they just want me because of how I am, you know? I don’t know how to just trust that someone isn’t sleeping with me so they can brag to all their friends. I don’t want to be that, you know? I want to be special to someone. I want to feel special. It’s stupid,” Nick sighed. “My mates get annoyed with me when I turn it down, I don’t think they understand.”

“A lot of people don’t,” Charlie offered. “But you need to focus on doing what you want and feel is right. It’s taken me a long time to get here, to a space where I can express my own needs and wants. I’m not always perfect, god knows, but my life has improved with just those small steps. Setting up boundaries for some people and being strict when they cross them.” Charlie hummed for a moment, unsure if he should keep going or not, this conversation was a can of worms. But at the same time, he felt like Nick might need this, someone to listen to him, to validate those feelings he seemed to keep locked up.

“Admittedly, I struggle with the boundary thing. My dad and brother…,” he sighed. “I don’t want to trauma dump on you, Charlie. You didn’t sign up to play therapist to a stranger.”

It was an easy out, Charlie knew, he could just agree and maybe they’d stop talking, or change into more generic subjects. But at the same time, this could be good for him. Nick was a stranger, someone he doubted he’d ever see again and maybe spilling secrets, being authentic with him would afford Charlie a rare opportunity. This man didn’t really know his history, even if Charlie told him, he didn’t actually experience it. He might be able to give Charlie a different insight into his own problems, one that only an outsider could offer.

“Let’s make a deal,” Charlie said, leaning in despite the lack of people around them. This just felt like it needed to be kept close. “We spent the next hour or so, being painfully honest with each other. Deepest darkest secrets? Things you’ve always wanted to tell someone but couldn’t? Let’s do it. We don’t really know each other, no last names, no birthdays. We know our jobs but honestly that won’t get me very far. But just one night? Feel free to say no, of course, it’s just an-”

“Yes,” Nick answered, interrupting Charlie. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“Oh,” Charlie said, somewhat surprised he agreed, despite Charlie being the one who brought it up. “Sure, okay, do you want to go first? About your dad and brother?”

“Yes, right, okay. Well, my parents divorced when I was, like five, which was fine, they weren’t good together. And my dad just sort of left? He went back to France and didn’t care about my older brother and I. He’d call sometimes, or visit, but he didn’t… know me, you know? His knowledge of me stopped at age five, where all I did like was rugby, so that’s all he asks about, but now he wonders if I’ll ‘settle down’ or something. He’s not a bad person, he just… I feel like no matter what I do, he’s just going to see the fiveyear old he left behind, the one who wasn’t worthy.”

“Oh,” Charlie answered. “I’m so sorry your dad’s an arsehole.”

Nick snorted. “Yeah, I guess that’s the best way to put it. I try so hard for him to like me, but all I do is try to become the person he likes instead. My therapist reminds me of it all the time. That I can’t keep trying to be what everyone else wants.”

“They are right,” Charlie said. “If you keep trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, when will you ever be yourself?”

“That’s pretty wise,” Nick said, his face was slightly blushed, it looked really good on him.

“Like I said, I’ve been in therapy since I was 15, some of it’s got to stick one way or another.”

“Would you tell me about that?” Nick asked. “You don’t have to say everything but it took me ages to feel good enough to go and it was only after uni, when Mabel and I broke up, actually. I wish I would have gone when I was younger but there was so much… I dunno, people made it seem like only really mental people should go and certainly not big, manly rugby lads.”

“There’s no rule on who can attend therapy,” Charlie started. “I’m sorry you were made to feel that way. As for me, it really wasn’t my choice,” Charlie started, picking out his words with delicacy, it was never a fun story to tell. “I got outed when I was 13, at my all boys’ school. I was bullied pretty badly for a long time, I didn’t tell anyone about it. Eventually it stopped when a few older boys found out, but the damage was done. We didn’t know until later, but I have OCD and anorexia. The combination had set up all these rules in my head about eating and I sort of just stopped doing it. I passed out a few times, but no one knew how bad it really was and I didn’t say anything. I had been seeing this guy, the toxic ex I mentioned, who treated me like shit all of the time. Made things so much worse and eventually I just wanted it all to end and well, tried to end it.”

It seemed to take Nick a second to read into Charlie’s response, but when it was clear he understood, he reached out and put his hand on Charlie’s forearm. His eyes were shiny with tears, Charlie was surprised to see. When this story was told, which wasn’t very often, the other person’s reaction was always overdone sympathy. He could see the change in people’s perspective of him, going from maybe a somewhat normal guy, to a possible mental case.

But he didn’t see it at all with Nick.

“I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, but I am genuinely sorry that it happened to you and I’m so glad that you’re here now. That must have been really terrible to go through.”

“Oh,” Charlie said, looking at the way Nick’s hand fit around his entire arm. “Thank you, that’s - very nice of you to say.”

“You don’t have to keep telling me anything if you don't want to,” Nick said again. “That was a lot, I can understand if it was too much.”

Nick was very clearly trying to tread lightly, but it wasn’t the babying Charlie was used to. It actually felt like Nick cared about his well being when he said those things. “It’s okay,” Charlie said. “There’s not much left to tell, I went to an inpatient facility for about five months, started therapy and here I am today, still alive, still damaged.”

“You’re a really strong person,” Nick said. “Makes my stuff look so small and inconsequential compared to what you’ve been through.”

“Too bad it’s not a contest,” Charlie added, Nick’s hand was still over his arm and even with the jumper sleeve, he could feel the warmth of Nick’s skin. “The stuff going on with you, doesn’t have to be worse than mine or anything. It’s your life, you’re going through it, you’re allowed to feel ways about it.”

“I think you missed your calling as a therapist,” Nick joked, shaking his head. “But thank you for sharing. How are you now? I know those things don’t just go away…”

“Better,” Charlie said, thoughtfully. “I had to go back into inpatient for anorexia my second year of uni and then, about three years ago I finished my third stay. It’s why I’m sort of on the outs with one of my best friends. He kept asking if I was okay and I kept lying to him - but I lied to everyone. I wasn’t doing okay and I let things get really bad again before I was told it was inpatient or feeding tube.”

Charlie looked away when he spoke, not ready to see the judgement on Nick’s face. There was a lot more to that story too, about how dangerously underweight Charlie had become when there was no one there to watch him and make sure he was eating. How easily he slid back into bad habits and terrible coping mechanisms. How his sister and friends finally stepped in with an intervention that probably saved his life. “Isaac’s upset because this is my behavioral pattern. I’m in bad shape, I tell no one until I hit a breaking point and then I get better. But the cycle starts all over again, I just broke up with Lewis, honestly I think everyone’s just waiting for me to head down the bad path now. Which is fair, I guess. I deserve it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Nick said, his hand still on Charlie’s arm, he squeezed it a little.

“But it is,” Charlie stressed. “I see what I’m doing, I know I’m doing it. I just look the other way. I don’t reach out to my friends or my sister, when I know I can.” He stopped to look at Nick. “Do you ever feel like you’re just missing something? Like there’s a part of you out there somewhere and you can’t find it. Geoff tells me all the time that I can’t think of myself as a puzzle missing a piece, that I have to be the complete puzzle, but god, Nick, I can’t help it. I need something, I need someone I can just trust and turn to no matter what. And I know Tori, Elle, Tao and Isaac love me unconditionally but they aren’t what I need. I don’t even think I can voice it, if I’m being honest.”

“I understand,” Nick said quickly. “My whole life I felt like I was missing someone - a best friend. Someone who loved me unconditionally, someone who cared about me, someone who was okay with just who I am. And yeah, I’ve got mum and a few people in my life, but it’s not the same. I’m sorry that you don’t feel safe with the people who love you. I know I don’t know the whole picture, I can’t begin to understand how you or everyone else feels but you seem to be a very strong person, capable of so much more than they give themselves credit for.”

Charlie let out a humorless laugh. “You’re too kind to a stranger.”

“You’re not a stranger, you’re my friend,” Nick said with so much pure sincerity it made Charlie’s heart skip a beat. “I mean, I know we said we’ll part ways after this but for this moment, we’re friends, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Charlie breathed, he shook his head. “But thank you for thinking that. Geoff says I should realise how strong I am, but it’s often hard when you’re down already. Logically I know I’m not a terrible person, but that thought pattern is just too hard to break out of.”

Nick nodded. “I can understand that, it’s hard to see something in ourselves most of the time. Everyone tells me I’m a people pleaser, but the way I see it, is just wanting to make sure people are happy and safe. I don’t see why it’s such a bad thing to want to help people and do things for them. If someone asks me for help, they need it, why would I turn them down? Where are they going to go if I say no?”

“Sounds a bit like people pleasing to me,” Charlie said, not unkindly.

Nick chuckled. “I mean, you’re not wrong.” He paused, a thoughtful look on his face. “I wonder how much of my life is because I’m doing what other people want and not what I want. I love rugby, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always wanted to teach. It’s a far cry from sports, but… I dunno, I feel like that’s my calling.”

“Then why don’t you?” Charlie asked.

“It’s not what people expect of me?” Nick questioned. “I know it’s silly-”

“It’s not silly, it’s what you think,” Charlie said. “My therapist always tells me not to call things stupid or silly, if you think them, then they are things that are important and should be thought about.”

Nick smiled, Charlie’s heart fluttered even faster. He had to keep reminding himself that Nick was straight and all the flirting in the world wouldn’t change that. “But I just feel like it’s easier if I just do whatever people want me to. But then I think about the things I missed out on in life because of it. What if I could have been a teacher? What if I could have settled down by now? What if I could have had an entirely different life?”

“Is that what you want? It’s not too late, you can start over and go back to uni. It’s not ideal, but you’re not locked in, Nick. You’re never locked in. People take years, decades to discover themselves. There’s no time limit.”

“God,” Nick said. “I wish I would have met you when I was younger. I feel like a lot of things in my life would have been different if I had you telling me this.”

“Ah, well teenager Charlie wouldn’t have been that smart, honestly. He was pretty fucked up.”

“Well maybe if teenager Charlie and teenager Nick met, they would have helped each other figure things out.”

“I think if you would have talked to me as a teen, I wouldn’t have believed it. The rugby team wasn’t always nice to me.”

“Oh shit,” Nick said, his hand squeezed again on Charlie’s arm. “I’m so sorry, you said, and I didn’t even think but I would have never done that to you. I don’t care if you’re gay. It doesn’t mean anything and-”

“Nick,” Charlie said softly, bringing his hand to cover Nick’s on his arm still. “It’s okay, I know. I wasn’t trying to say you would do it. And honestly, I don’t tend to trust people so quickly but even now, with you… I feel like I have known you forever.”

Nick smiled, tilting his head slightly. “Yeah, same. It’s a weird thing isn’t it? To connect with someone you don’t even know?” He shook his head. “You’ve shared so much with me and I feel like I’ve got to give you something else.”

“Like I said before, not a contest of whose more fucked up, but I’m pretty sure I’ll win but still.” Charlie smirked. “You can tell me anything.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, the world narrowing down to just the two of them. No more airport sounds, just a nothingness that made Charlie feel more at home than any physical place.

“How did you know you were gay?” Nick asked, the words in a bit of a hushed whisper. The randomness of it made Charlie frown and Nick seemed to take that the wrong way. He yanked his hand off Charlie’s. “Shit, that’s rude, sorry I didn’t mean to sound -”

“Nick,” Charlie said, his turn to put a hand on Nick’s forearm. It was much thicker than Charlie’s, his hand couldn’t fit around it even if he tried. “Nick, it’s fine,” he repeated, squeezing gently. “Just surprised me, that’s all. I've been out and proud for years now, I don’t mind talking about it.”

“Okay good, I didn’t - I don’t want to be offensive or anything.”

“You aren’t,” Charlie said, not removing his hand from Nick’s arm. “As for how’d I know? I guess I’ve just always been aware of it, it’s not like I woke up one morning and was like, guess I’m gay now. It’s just been a part of me.”

Nick nodded his head, a very serious look on his face. “Yeah, yeah,” he repeated. “I’m not a complete numpty when it comes to people’s sexualities but have you ever maybe thought you were bisexual or pansexual?”

“Oh,” Charlie said and all it took was one look into Nick’s face to know why he was asking the question. Since Charlie’s coming out wasn’t on his terms, nor was it the best, he was unusually determined to make other people feel much safer. What he couldn’t have, he needed to give to someone else. At Truham, he’d toyed with the idea of running for Head Boy, but ultimately decided not to, unsure how people would react to him. He did, however, try to be a beacon for LGBTQ+ students, making sure if he heard about bullying or teasing, he’d put a stop to it. At uni, he joined the LGBTQ+ soc and worked with them to make a safe and welcoming space.

And now, he was more than happy to do it for Nick.

“Well,” Charlie said. “It’s always been boys for me. I think maybe that’s not the same for you?”

Nick pressed his lips together, a pensive and confused look spread across his face. Charlie hated seeing it like that, no one should ever make this man feel bad, or worried. It felt like someone had just dimmed the sun. “Um, I don’t know, really. I uh, I like girls. I know that, but I also… sometimes think there’s more? It’s not that I’m homophobic or anything, really, I just don’t understand it, you know? I’ve never had someone to talk about this to and I know my mum would be fine with it, she’d love me no matter what, but it’s just -”

“It's not easy to talk to your mum about everything, trust me, I know how that feels.” Charlie paused. “You can talk to me about your feelings, if you want? I do have some experience being attracted to men.”

Nick smirked at the joke, which made Charlie’s insides flutter yet again. Knowing Nick might be bisexual, definitely made him feel like there was a chance but it also meant Nick had to be attracted to him, which might not be the case at all.

“I’ve had feelings towards guys before, I thought maybe I just really wanted to be friends with them. I was obsessed with this guy at rugby camp when I was a teen, followed him around, worked so hard to be important and to show him how good I was. It took a while but I realised maybe I had feelings for him, that weren’t… just friendly? It happened a few more times too and I just was so scared I squashed it down. And then I got mad at myself for doing it because there’s nothing wrong with liking boys, you know? I took a Buzzfeed Am I Gay quiz and cried when I got 62%. I just didn’t know what any of it meant.”

“It’s a right of passage crying at Am I Gay Quizzes, honestly. And there’s nothing wrong with being confused and unsure, yeah it sucks, but it’s part of discovering yourself. You’ve said it before, you tend to hide parts of yourself to please others and your sexuality might be part of that. But in any case, you’re allowed to find your own path to self discovery. It doesn’t have to be the same as mine or anyone else's. One of my old teachers didn't discover he was queer until he was in his late twenties. He always knew, but he didn’t feel safe enough to explore that part of him until he was an adult. As long as you feel safe and healthy and happy, then the journey can go whatever way.”

“Thank you,” Nick said, Charlie could see tears shining in his eyes. He moved away, reaching for his carry on, grabbing a pack of tissues he kept with him and handing it over. “Thank you,” Nick repeated, dabbing his eyes, crumbling the tissue in his hand. “I guess I’ve always felt like I never belonged anywhere and even less so in queer spaces because of how I look.”

“Anyone who doesn’t allow you into a space because of how you look, can fuck right off. You are whatever you say you are, you don’t need anyone’s approval on it.”

“You’re really fucking smart,” Nick said, giving a wet laugh. “Proper nerd.”

“Yeah well,” Charlie shrugged. “When you go through enough shit in your life, you sometimes get wise from it. I’m much better at helping other people than I am myself.”

“I’ve always wanted to…,” Nick started, then faltered. “Try things with a guy, but I’ve always been too scared. Too nervous about dating apps or going out on the pull. Too scared of what people will think. I know I’m bisexual. I do, really, but I feel like I won’t know it until I’ve tried? I know that doesn’t make sense or anything, trust me.”

“It does,” Charlie offered. “I think you need to work on accepting yourself first, Nick. Then you might feel brave enough to venture out into the queer world and hook up with someone. If you can’t love yourself-”

“How the hell are you going to love anyone else?” Nick finished for me and they both laughed.

“See?” Charlie said. “You’re already fitting in the queer community.”

Nick’s more nervous smile returned, as he nodded his head, looking a little uncomfortable. “You’re really great, Charlie,” Nick offered. “Honestly, you’ve been a lifesaver. I really wish I had met you when I was younger.”

Their moment was interrupted by an announcement, Charlie looked around, realising the waiting area had started to fill up around them. He’d been so engaged with Nick, he’d barely noticed how much time had gone by. Their flight was supposed to board in 20 minutes, that was all the time Charlie would have left with the sweet, beautiful man before him.

There were a few people standing behind the check in counter and Charlie suddenly had a bad feeling about what they were going to announce. “Attention, ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. We regret to inform you that the flight from Glasgow to London has been cancelled due to mechanical reasons. We understand the inconvenience this may cause, and we sincerely apologise for the disruption. For passengers affected by this cancellation, please proceed to the customer service desk, where our staff will be available to assist you with rebooking your flight or providing further information. If you prefer, you can also check online for available alternatives. Thank you for your understanding, and once again, we apologise for the inconvenience.”

There was an out pour of groans and angry sounds around them and when Charlie looked at Nick, he looked both relieved and disappointed.

“Oh that sucks,” Nick said, taking out his mobile. “Let me see what they are going to offer us, maybe there’s another flight.”

Charlie did the same, opening up the airlines app and clicking on his flight, only to see the alternatives offered either had him taking him to London, via Spain, with a 3 hour layover. He wouldn’t even get into London for a whole day by the time that flight took off, 3 hours from then. The other choice was tomorrow, late afternoon, another direct flight. He’d have to stay somewhere overnight, but he’d rather be stuck in Glasgow than travel and be stuck elsewhere.

“Are you going to stay the night?” Nick asked him, barely looking at him over his mobile.

“Yeah, I think that’s the best option, you?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, he looked nervous again. “Do you want to share a hotel room?”

“Oh,” Charlie said. “Um, sure. I mean, yeah, that’s fine. I think we can change our flight from our mobiles, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, the two of them working in silence as they both changed their flights for the next morning. Something uncertain sat between them, a question that hung in the air, one Charlie wasn’t sure if he should ask. What Nick suggested, sharing a hotel, could have been simply a platonic gesture, a way to save some cash between them.

Or maybe it wasn’t.

Charlie wasn’t brave enough to ask, not one bit. He also didn’t want to push Nick, or make him uncomfortable in any way.

“I know,” Nick started, slowly, as if he was too scared of each word he was going to say. “This is uh, well, I mean, god, this is harder than I thought it would be. But if I uh, get us a room… would it be okay if I got one bed?”

Charlie’s heart came to a shuddering halt as he watched Nick’s eyes meet his. “I’m okay with that,” Charlie said slowly. “But I want to make sure we’re both on the same page as to what that means.”

“Yeah, right, of course,” Nick said, nodding his head, then taking a deep breath. “I want to have sex with you, Charlie. But if you don't want to then we don’t have to. We can just get two beds and go to sleep, or one bed and sleep. I’m not - I don’t think you’re some kind of airplane station prostitute or anything, god this is not working out for me at all-”

“Nick,” Charlie said carefully, waiting until Nick was looking at him. “Airplane station prostitute?”

Nick laughed, his facing going bright red. “I forgot the word for airport.”

“Well, Nick, I think you’ve just proven what an actual bisexual disaster you are, but I know you don’t think that about me.” Charlie paused. “And I would, I do want to have sex with you but…”

“But?” Nick asked, so much uncertainty sketched onto his face.

“I don’t want you to have the same experience I’ve had. My first time wasn’t great,” Charlie said, unsure of just how much he should share here. He didn’t want to worry Nick, he didn’t want to paint a picture worse than how it was. “It was with my secondary school ex. I wanted to have sex with him, don’t get me wrong. He had my enthusiastic consent the entire time but he didn’t… he didn’t care about me. I wasn’t important to him, I was just a boy he could kiss when he wanted to and then I was the boy he could fuck because I said yes.”

“Charlie,” Nick said, putting so much into just his name. “That's… I’m sorry. I wouldn’t be… cruel and uncaring.”

“Oh, I know you wouldn’t be Nick,” Charlie explained. “It’s not you I’m worried about, I’m just saying, your first time should be with someone you care about. It’s a very vulnerable experience, I want you to be happy with your choices. Because you do, have choices. Just don’t settle for me, because I’m here.”

Nick looked pensive, biting down on his lower lip. It took a lot of will power for Charlie to even talk, he wanted Nick. He was very attracted to him, in every single way. But he had to make sure Nick knew this was an important part of his life. Yes, virginity was a construct in some ways, but this was also Nick’s first experience with a man, that should mean something. Ben hadn’t really cared about Charlie, he took what he wanted and made Charlie feel less than worthy for it. He’d never do that for Nick and he knew Nick wouldn’t for him. He just didn’t want Nick to walk away regretting what they’ve done.

“I want you,” Nick said. “I feel something for you, Charlie. I want to do this with you - I trust you.”

The sincerity dripped from each word like honey. “Okay,” Charlie answered. “I feel the same way - I trust you.”

“Okay?” Nick repeated in a question.

Charlie nodded. “If that’s what you want, Nick, then yes.”

Things happened quickly from there. Nick found and booked them a hotel room, as Charlie gathered his things, making sure he had all of his bags with him. His dirty clothing was shoved into his carry on, no need to change right now, he’d just be taking his clothes off again soon.

“Fifteen minutes until the Uber arrives,” Nick announced. “The hotel’s about ten minutes away from here.”

“Do you have condoms and lube?” Charlie asked quietly. “Not that I’m expecting penetration, but just in case.”

Nick shook his head and Charlie smiled. “I can go grab them for us, we’ll be paying outrageous airport prices but we’ve gotta make do.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll take our bags out front.”

Charlie handed over his larger carry on, taking with him his wallet. He was about to trust Nick with his body, handing over his personal items that seemed like small potatoes. The condoms and lube were expensive, but necessary. Charlie also grabbed some water and snacks, just in case. He hadn’t eaten in a while, but nerves were winning over. He paid for the items, making his way back out and spotting Nick right away.

“You came back,” Nick said, gleefully, their mixed luggage at his feet. Charlie wondered if he really thought he’d just leave him after all of this, let him go to his hotel room alone.

“You have my things,” Charlie joked. “And I have your clothing.”

Nick pouted. “And here I thought you liked me.”

He leaned in, as close as he could get without touching Nick at all. “So what if I do?”

Charlie had to look up to look into his eyes, Nick had a wild expression about him. And then Nick was reaching out, wrapping his arm around Charlie’s slim waist, pulling him in. “Can I kiss you?”

Charlie answered by rising on his tip toes, just so their lips could fit perfectly against each other. The kiss was good, so good, maybe too good for two strangers standing outside an airport waiting on a ride share so they could go fuck. This was the first kiss after a really good date, after you connected with someone, after you saw your future with them. But maybe this was what was happening now anyways, they connected, they talked, Nick knew about him and his life and he kissed Charlie like it was the start of a story, not the middle, not an epilogue, but the proper beginning to a tale they’d weave together.

Charlie could have kissed him for hours, days, weeks, months, years, eternity if given the proper chance. But Nick pulled away, his face flush and his hair a bit wild from where Charlie’s fingers had migrated to. “Sorry,” Nick said. “I don’t want to miss the Uber”

They were both still red faced and giggling as the Uber arrived, there was definitely heat still between them, a heavy anticipation that made Charlie’s skin tingle. They sat squished in the backseat of the car, Nick reached out and laced their fingers together, holding hands and Charlie tried not to read so much into the gesture. Charlie handled their bags while Nick checked them in, waiting for him by the lift.

He’d texted Tori about the overnight stay, leaving out exactly where and who he was overnighting with. He lived alone, no one to wonder why he was late but he thought it was safe to at least tell Tori. If Nick turned out to be a psycho murderer, then at least he was going to go out having a good time about it. Nick joined him a moment later, Charlie could feel the nerves as they stepped into the lift.

“It’s okay,” Charlie said softly. “If you’re nervous. Everyone is, you know? I don’t expect anything from you tonight.”

“Yeah, okay,” Nick said, but Charlie could still hear the uncertainty. The lift dinged on their floor and instead of walking out the door, Charlie turned and pushed Nick against the wall, getting on his tiptoes to kiss him again. He didn’t force it, Nick’s lips pressed to his just as eagerly and the tension seemed to seep from him. It only lasted a second, before he pulled back, the lift doors closing again.

He had to hit the button again, scrambling to pull their bags out as Nick took the lead down the hallway. Nick held the door open for him, as Charlie came inside and once the door shut behind him. “Do you mind if I freshen up?” Charlie asked. “If we’re going to be you know, I would rather be a bit cleaner.”

“Yeah of course, you go first, then I can go?” Nick asked

Charlie nodded, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips, then cheek. “You can change your mind anytime,” he reminded him.

“I want this too, Charlie,” Nick said in reply, as Charlie walked into the loo. He stripped, jumping into the shower and giving himself a wash over, just in case. He left his hair as dry as he could but knew it probably looked terrible. He changed back into Nick’s clothing when he got out, not wanting to be too presumptuous in a towel. When he came out, Nick was sitting on the bed and they exchanged places, Nick disappearing into the loo and Charlie sitting on the bed, taking out his mobile to kill time.

He heard Nick showering too and the anticipation of seeing Nick naked seemed to increase with the knowledge he was wet and naked so close to him. Nick came out of the loo dressed again, back to looking nervous. Charlie got up, coming over to stand in front of him, cupping Nick’s face in his hands. “You’ll be fine, Nick. Whatever you want, we’ll do it. You’re in charge, I’ll follow your lead.”

“Kiss me,” Nick said again, his voice heavy with desperation.

“As if I could say no to you,” Charlie breathed, allowing Nick to pull him close, their lips meeting in another searingly beautiful kiss.

He wondered if Nick was always a good kisser, or maybe Charlie had only experienced bad kissers in the past. As they kissed, Nick slowly walked him towards the bed, until Charlie’s knees hit the edge. Nick pulled away and Charlie embarrassingly chased his mouth.

Nick chuckled. “Can we undress? Trust me, I don’t want to stop either but I want to - to see you, to touch you, if that’s okay.”

Charlie had never been confident in his own body even years later. Sure, it’s changed, but he was still skinny, three years out of inpatient put weight on him, but it was never enough for him. There wasn’t a time in his life that Charlie could confidently say he’d felt beautiful, even when told by past lovers. He felt nervous with Nick, the same tingly of nerves he always felt as this part, where someone truly got to see Charlie Spring, for all his imperfections and sharp edges.

“Yes,” Charlie said, breathlessly, going to strip himself of Nick’s jumper.

“Wait,” Nick said, hands going out, making Charlie startle. “Can I do it, please?”

Nick’s eyes were wide, the request so earnest, all Charlie could do was nod. Nick took a step closer, grabbing the hem of his own jumper, way too long on Charlie’s slender frame. He moved slowly, lifting it, allowing for Charlie to put his arms up. They struggled for a moment when it came up to Charlie’s head, he let out a giggle as Nick finally pulled it free, causing Charlie’s hair to fluff even more. With Nick seeing him bare like this, Charlie resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest, instead he looked down and away, not wanting to see Nick’s possible negative reaction.

“Charlie,” Nick said, sounding strained and it took a whole second before he would allow himself to look at Nick’s face. “You’re fucking stunning,” he breathed once he locked eyes with Charlie. “God, you’re perfect, you’re beautiful. I’d never - why didn’t you tell me about these?” Nick’s hand reached out, touching the skin of Charlie’s wrist and traveling up and along his forearm, stopping at his shoulder. “You’re a work of art.”

“I,” Charlie choked out, overcome with emotion. “It’s just - tattoos.”

They weren’t, of course, just tattoos.

They meant so much more to Charlie, every dot of ink pressed into the skin, represented everything Charlie had felt, sad, did and will do.

“Tell me,” Nick said. “Please? I know - I know they must mean something to do. Tell me these stories?”

Nick’s fingers danced along Charlie’s shoulder, crossing lightly along his collar bone, before making their way back down his other arm. The tattoos were symmetric, vines that started at Charlie’s wrist and twisted delicately around his entire arm until they came to an end in flowers across his shoulder blades. They started at his pulse point, thin brown lines, pausing every so often to produce leaves of various colors. They covered the worst parts of him, hiding away the scars he bore on his wrist and inner elbow. If you knew where to look you could see them, the scar tissue would never truly allow itself to disappear completely, but the twisting nature and brightly coloured leaves helped disguise the worst of them.

Charlie rarely showed them to anyone in full, he liked to wear long sleeves and jumpers.

“I used to cut myself,” Charlie said, as Nick’s fingers still dancing along his skin, turning Charlie’s arm slightly, to see more of the art work. “I told you I tried to you know, once, twice actually. I got them to cover up the scars that got left behind. They were embarrassing for me to see. I don’t like how I look, I’m skinny, I’ve got scars and I’m not - I’m not what anyone would ever really want. I’m not beautiful.”

Nick looked horrified, like Charlie had just said the worst thing ever. He frowned, his fingers coming up to cup Charlie’s face with both hands. “You’re beautiful, Charlie. I know you won’t believe me right now, but you’re beautiful, stunning, perfect, all of that, scars or no scars. You’ve done nothing but show me kindness and compassion. Your heart is so big, you’ve got so much love in you. I love every part of you, your hair, your eyes, your dimples.”

Nick leaned in, Charlie followed their foreheads touching. “I’m so sorry you were ever in this much pain. You don’t deserve it.”

They stood there, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, breathing in each other’s air. Nick leaned in to steal a kiss from him, lips pressed firmly against Charlie’s until he opened his mouth, letting Nick in. The arousal from before came back, despite the unease Charlie had felt, Nick’s electric touch ignited something inside of him, bringing him back to life. He reached out to Nick’s shirt, pulling away and laughing when Nick chased him this time.

“Yours too,” he said hoarsely, swallowing down the rush of emotion. “I wanna help.”

Nick put enough space between them, so Charlie could remove his shirt, revealing a strong, study chest, skin flushed pink. “Fucking hell,” Charlie grumbled. “You’re beautiful, Nick.”

He could hear Nick swallow as Charlie’s eyes roamed over his chest and arms, narrowing on the trail of reddish hair that led down, down, down, to under Nick’s pants. Charlie’s hands went there, fingers digging under his joggers. “Can I? This too?”

He made sure to look up at Nick, whose face was now flushed red, his pupils dilated. Charlie tried to find doubt and fear, had to make sure Nick wasn’t just putting up a brave face, and wasn't just doing this. But he didn’t see any of that, he saw adoration and arousal, he saw the want and need Nick had displayed when they first kissed. “Yes,” Nick answered.

“On the bed?” Charlie questioned. “Shoes first though, then bed. I want to take my time with you, kiss you all over, use my mouth on you - if you’d like.”

Nick nodded his head violently, Charlie was concerned he might get whiplash. They both toed off their shoes, emptying their pockets of phones, before Nick sat back on the bed and Charlie came over, crawling between his legs. Nick’s eyes were wide, pupils completely taking over and the skin that was once pink, was not a light red, from his cheeks all the way down his chest. It was truly an exquisite sight, one Charlie had to save for later, for his own personal memory and for his wank bank.

He wanted to make this good for Nick, give him the good first time experience Charlie never had. To take care of him, to make him feel safe and beloved from start to finish. And then, later, when Nick finds the love of his life, he’ll treat him the same way and Charlie will have done something worthwhile.

A silly thought, maybe, but still. If someone can walk away from him, happy and whole and not tarnished by Charlie, it should be Nick.

Charlie hooked his fingers in Nick’s joggers. “I’m going to take these off now, please stop me if you need to. We’re never past the spot of saying no and stopping.”

“Yes,” Nick said, his head elevated on a pillow, looking at Charlie’s every move. “Please, baby.”

Charlie shivered at the endearment, Lewis called him that every once in a while but it wasn’t the same. It was more condescending, like a word meant to show Charlie his place, rather than make him feel good. Shaking his head of the memory of his ex, Charlie began to pull down Nick’s joggers, shifting down his body, revealing Nick’s pants and incredible toned thighs, legs covered in a thin layer of reddish hair and god help him, feet that weren’t completely weird looking.

Shit, he was in way too deep.

Once Nick’s joggers were off, he started at his right ankle, fingers running along his legs, followed by Charlie’s mouth, kissing his way up to Nick’s knee. He could tell he was trying to stay still, but doing a poor job of it, his body slightly jumping at each touch of lips. When he got to Nick’s knee, he saw a scar and without thinking, kissed his way across it. “Tell me,” he breathed once he finished.

“Rugby,” Nick said in a moan, his head tilted back, exposing the throat Charlie couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into. “Had to have surgery. Still hurts sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said, moving his hands up closer and closer up Nick’s thighs. He began to kiss in earnest once there, scraping his teeth every few millimeters. “Can I leave a mark?”

“Fuck yes, please do,” Nick said quickly, which just made Charlie giggled, before he started to really go at it, sucking and nipping at Nick’s inner thigh, leaving a row of even and pretty circles, like a line of planets in his wake, the freckles on his skin making it look like a galaxy. He moved to the other leg next,right before he was going to get under the edge of Nick’s pants. He let out a little whine, his hands fisting the comforter below him. Charlie could see his dick tented in his pants, could see evidence of how turned on he was and it made Charlie’s own arousal heightened.

“Soon,” Charlie said. “I promise.”

He gave Nick’s other leg the same treatment, slowly and surely exploring the available skin to him, leaving his mark behind, a reminder for Nick a few days from now, when he was home that this happened and it was real. Once he finished creating his own universe on Nick’s skin, he sat up on his knees, moving until he was hovering right about Nick’s dick. “Okay?”

“Yes, yes,” Nick chanted, looking back at Charlie. Charlie gave him a smile before ducking back down to put his mouth over Nick’s pants covered dick, sucking through the fabric. Nick moaned, his legs twitching below him, as Charlie worked his way up Nick’s dick, until he was just at the top of his pants. It would be rather sexy to take off his pants with just his teeth, but also not really at all. It was an awkward move and the taste of pant fabric wasn’t the most pleasant. Instead Charlie started to pull down Nick’s pants, his mouth watering as Nick’s cock was unveiled.

Nick’s cock was perfect, very thick, a good size, a comfortable fit in Charlie’s hand once he’d rid Nick of his pants. Nick was staring at him, eyes still so wide, looking at Charlie like he couldn’t really believe what he was doing. Not able to hold back another moment, Charlie lowered his head, taking Nick into his mouth.

Charlie had given his fair share of blowjobs, both good and bad ones and he put all his effort into making this one the best he’d ever done. He moved his mouth, taking Nick as far back as his throat, his hands working what he couldn’t. He teased at the head, licking around it, going into the slit, as Nick moaned the pretty song above him.

He pulled off, spit connecting his lips to Nick’s dick. “Can I touch your balls? You can-”

“Yes, please do that, okay, yes,” Nick babbled, so endearing cute Charlie couldn’t help the full blown laugh. “Don’t laugh when you’re holding my dick,” Nick groaned, but he too was laughing and Charlie couldn’t help the small laughter break they took.

“Sorry,” Charlie said, going back to business, cutting off Nick’s laughter once he swallowed him down in one go.

“Fuck me, fuck, you’re good at that,” Nick said above him, Charlie could tell he wanted to reach for him, maybe pull at his hair but the distance and angle was a little off for it. Maybe later. Charlie kept up his steady suction and bobbing, bringing his other hand to cradle Nick’s balls, rubbing and moving them, trying to make it feel good and not weird.

His worry that Nick wouldn’t like it was short lived, as he tasted precum in his mouth and Nick let out a heavenly shout that ended in a deep moan. His whole body was so responsive, his hands clutching at the sheet, his hips trying to break to move but never once fucking up into Charlie’s mouth. He could tell Nick wanted to be more vocal and he popped off, for a breather and so he could tell him so. “Be as loud as you want,” Charlie said. “Please, I like it.”

Going back down rewarded him with the loudest sound yet and then Nick was talking, a babble brook of words, mostly Charlie’s name, weaved in with little praises, Charlie was pretty sure he heard a “good boy” in there too, which thrilled him more than it should have. It wasn’t that Charlie’s other lover’s weren’t good to him, but Nick was just making him feel so fucking good, he was close to coming just from knowing how much Nick enjoyed it.

“Charlie,” he cried out. “If you don’t stop - I’m going to, ugh -” Nick cut himself off, just as Charlie pulled off, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Fucking hell,” Nick said. “C’mere, I have to - I want to touch you.”

“You don’t have to,” Charlie said, moving out from Nick’s legs to lay beside him.

“I want to,” Nick insisted, leaning over to kiss him, licking back into Charlie’s mouth like he was chasing the taste of himself there. His hands were all over Charlie’s body, his back, his hip, his stomach and Nick used his size and strength to roll them over, so Charlie was on his back and Nick was on top of him. “If I’m too heavy-”

“God no, this feels so good,” Charlie said, bucking up his hips, still wearing Nick’s joggers, too many layers between him and Nick’s cock.

Nick started to work his way down Charlie’s body, starting with kisses to his jaw and neck, before moving down to his chest. Nick lavished his body with kisses and teeth. “You can leave a mark,” Charlie said. “Anywhere.”

“Hmm, good,” Nick said. “Pay back.” He gave Charlie a shark-like grin before biting down on his peck, sucking and licking, making Charlie squirm. The moved closer and closer to his nipple, before sucking that into his mouth, licking around the nub. Charlie was showing far less restraint than Nick had, bucking his hips up and reaching for Nick’s hair, running his fingers through it. Gripping tightly anytime Nick added teeth.

Nick pulled back, his lips plump and red, staring at the array he’d marked into Charlie’s skin. “God, you’re so stunning. You make me feel so good.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Charlie said breathlessly.

“Yes you are, you’re existing, you’re you and you’re here.”

Charlie was suddenly so sure he was in some kind of coma or dream, he almost cried. No one had ever said something so kind to him, something so perfect and sweet and Charlie’s heart wasn’t big enough to take it. He must have looked confused on some level, Nick looked almost embarrassed he said it. “Sorry if that was too much.”

“No,” Charlie said. “You’re not, Nick. You’re not too much and if anyone ever tells you that again in your life, then they can fuck right off. Thank you for saying that.”

“Can I use my mouth on you?” Nick questioned. “I might not be good at it, but I’d like to try.”

“Just don’t bite my dick and you’ll be fine,” Charlie said, enjoying the grin Nick had. “Just do what feels right, okay? Everyone’s got to start sucking dick somewhere.”

“Not everyone,” Nick said, making Charlie laugh as he started to pull down his own joggers, Charlie’s pants as well, exposing him completely in one shift movement. It took some coordination, but Charlie soon Charlie, like Nick, was completely naked on the bed, all out on display. Nick looked over him like a starved person at a buffet table, but none of it was… too much? There was adoration and want, but Charlie didn’t feel objectified or under a microscope. Nick’s dick was just as hard as before, an obvious tell he was still enjoying this.

“Like what you see?” Charlie asked, mostly to break up the silence.

“Yes,” Nick answered. “I am so fucking bisexual.”

They both laughed, joyous and free before Nick got situated between Charlie’s legs again. Tentatively he reached for Charlie’s cock, wrapping his fingers around the base and holding it up straight. He gave two tugs, a little dry for Charlie’s liking but he waited to see what Nick was going to do.

“You don’t have to give me a blowie,” Charlie reminded him.

“Shut up,” Nick said, not rudely at all. “I googled blow job techniques while you were in the shower and I’m going to use them.”

“You dork,” Charlie huffed, but it turned into a moan when Nick’s mouth finally descended down onto him. He didn’t take a lot into his mouth, it was definitely tentative but it wasn’t bad. Charlie’s first time was awkward, in the music room at Truham, on his knees for Ben. He hadn’t know what to do, porn could only teach him so much and Ben had tried to fuck into his mouth on the go. With time and practice, Charlie got better and he knew Nick would be great for someone else one day too. He was already taking more into his mouth, the parts he didn’t he was pumping his hand up and down, his saliva had made the glide a lot better.

“Okay?” Nick asked, after he lifted his head up.

“A for effort,” Charlie answered, trying to hold his giggles in. “B+ for performance.”

“B+?” Nick scoffed. “Alright then, prepare to be A’ed.”

“That doesn’t even mak- oh sweet Jesus, Nick!” Before Charlie could finish, Nick had taken him down to the root, which was probably a big mistake, Nick coughed immediately, choking and pulling him off, having to turn his head and cough. Charlie sat up right away, reaching for his arm. “Nick! Breathe!”

It took a moment, but Nick finally seemed to catch his breath. “Well that’s embarrassing,” he grumbled.

“It’s okay,” Charlie said, hand on his arm, he reached over to put his chin under Nick’s face, lifting it so he could properly lean in and kiss him. “Everyone fucks up the first time they try to deep throat. Congrats, you’ve passed another queer milestone.”

Nick smirked. “Can I um, prep you? Oh I mean, if you want to bottom. Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that about you, I’ll bottom if you want that’s fine, I’m-”

Charlie cut him off with a kiss. “I’m verse and I think it’s a good idea if I bottom tonight. I’m sure one day you’ll want to bottom, but it takes a lot of prep and time and I want this to be good for you tonight.”

“Tonight is good,” Nick said, nodding his head. “But okay, yes, but can I prep you? I looked that up online too.”

Charlie giggled. “Were you watching porn while I was showering, Nicholas?”

The blush on Nick’s cheeks betrayed the revenant shake of his head. Charlie giggled, leaning in to kiss him, before shuffling away to grab the condoms and lube. “It’s fine, Nick. I’ll walk you through it. I’ve got to get condoms and lube now.”

Charlie walked over to the bag, taking both items out and getting them ready. He went back up on the bed, on his back, legs up, as Nick sat there. “So, you’ll need some lube and you basically, very carefully start putting your finger inside. One at a time and start slow, in and out, you know? Then when I feel okay, you can move on, then you’ll need to scissor your fingers.” Charlie demonstrated with his fingers. “You're there to stretch but also make it feel good. I’ll let you know what I need too, okay?”

Nick nodded, taking the lube from Charlie’s hand. “Relaxe,” Charlie said to him. “You’ll be fine, okay? I trust you with this, if I didn’t then I would have prepped in the shower.”

He’d thought about it too, but not only did he trust Nick, he wanted him to experience the whole thing. Nick settled between his legs again, Charlie placed a pillow under his hips, making sure he was giving Nick a decent angle. Nick put the lube on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up. “I’m not that dumb,” Nick said, when Charlie smiled at him.

“I know,” Charlie said. “Sorry.”

“You’re fine, thank you for taking care of me. I want this to be good for you too, Charlie.”

It was clear to Charlie, once Nick started, that he was intent on making things good. He was delicate, slow and careful, taking his cues from the sounds and movements Charlie was making. When he pushed his finger in, Charlie could see how much it affected Nick, the blush getting deeper on his cheeks and chest. He used the hand not currently slowly pushing into Charlie, alternating between tugging Charlie’s cock and rubbing his hand over his thighs and lower stomach, caressing Charlie lovingly.

“So good,” Nick cooed. “You feel so good now, I can’t wait to fuck you. You’re going to be so good for me, baby.”

Charlie didn’t mean to moan loudly at the affection, but he couldn’t help it. By the time Nick was scissoring him, careful and slow, Charlie was writhing with pleasure. It took a little bit of effort, but Nick had found his prostate and then proceeded to make sure Charlie was very aware of that fact.

“I’m ready,” Charlie said when he couldn’t wait any longer. Nick removed his fingers, nodding and taking the condom. Charlie wanted to put it on him, but Nick had done it so fast, Charlie didn’t have a chance. “Eager?”

“Yes,” Nick said, putting his hands on Charlie’s hips, getting close. “Very much so.”

“Alright then,” Charlie said, waving his hand. “Carry on.”

“Carry on?” Nick said, rolling his eyes. “So romantic, thanks Char.”

“Char?” Charlie quipped, Nick was starting to line himself up, Charlie could feel his cock head against his hole. He shivered with anticipation.

“Sorry,” Nick offered. “It just slipped out.”

“Well,” Charlie started. “You should consider slipping into something else right now.”

“Ha,” Nick laughed, deadpanned face, which wasn’t very convincing with how flushed he looked and how wild his eyes were. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Charlie said, bracing himself for it. “Go slow.”

And Nick did, maybe a little too slow but Charlie was pretty sure he was doing that on purpose to drive him more crazy. Nick felt good, so very good, filling Charlie up in the best ways possible. He tried hard not to react too much, not wanting to come across fake, despite not being so. Lewis would sometimes tell him he was overdoing it, even when he wasn’t.

But Nick was moaning, mumbling under his breath words that sounded like “so good” and “Charlie” and even a “good boy”, which just made Charlie’s entire body jerk.

“You feel so good, Nick,” he let out, testing the waters a little. Nick squeezed at his hips. “You can move now, just a little, please.”

Nick moved, in and out, holding Charlie’s hips still, his head thrown back. “God, Charlie,” he moaned. “How are you this good?”

Charlie had no idea how to answer, so he went with deflection. “I’m your first dude,” Charlie laughed. “You don’t know what others are like.”

“I don’t need to,” Nick said. “You’re good, you feel so good. Thank you for letting me do this.”

“You can thank me, by fucking me?” Charlie asked, a little cocky but he needed Nick to know it was okay, to get down to business. Nick grinned at him, scooting up a little more, pushing Charlie’s legs back and closer to his chest.

That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed, as he began fucking into Charlie, hard and fast, but still surprisingly gentle and careful. It was a very weird dichotomy but Charlie was finding it immensely pleasurable. Nick wasn’t quiet either, not so much dirty talk, sort of boarding it, like he wasn't sure if Charlie would appreciate it or not. His hands were caressing over parts of Charlie, occasionally tugging at his cock, but it was clear Nick wanted to always be touching, worshiping Charlie’s body in some way.

“Can I ride you?” Charlie asked. “Not that this isn’t good, but-”

“Yes, of course,” Nick answered, breathlessly. Before Charlie could even think about the next step, Nick had bent down, wrapped his arm around Charlie and rolled, flipped them so Nick was on his back and Charlie was sitting on top of him.

He didn’t even pull out.

“Fuck,” Charlie groaned, taking a second to adjust himself to the new position. He had to sit up a little, putting his hands on Nick’s chest so he could adjust his legs in a better position.

“Sorry,” Nick said, looking rather smug about it. Charlie incited his revenge by starting to very slowly move up and down on his cock, which made Nick’s smug smile turn into a groan.

“Don’t apologise for manhandling me, I liked it.” Charlie tried his absolute best to give Nick as much pleasure as he could, thankfully from the sounds of it, Nick enjoyed it. He’d reached out and was wanking Charlie’s cock, seemingly attempting to keep up some type of rhythm but wasn’t doing all that great.

Charlie was taking the chance to run his hands all over Nick’s glorious chest, making sure to pinch at his nipples.

“I wish I could suck your cock,” Nick said, arching up his hips a little. Charlie was surprised he hadn't started to try and take control already.

“You’d have to remove a rib,” Charlie quipped.

“Worth it,” Nick answered.

“You’re ridiculous,” Charlie answered, leaning back ever so slightly, he could feel his orgasm building up already. Everything felt heightened with Nick, even this leisurely fucking, it felt so good and safe. Which was utterly ridiculous he knew, but it didn’t feel like awkward first time sex with a stranger, it felt like sex with a boyfriend, with someone who knew Charlie inside and out.

“Are you close, baby?” Nick asked, if reading his mind. “I’m almost there and I want you to come first.”

“Yeah, just keep touching me,” Charlie said. Nick did, a seemingly single minded focus on jacking Charlie off his he did his best to bounce on Nick’s cock, angling himself so Nick was hitting his prostate each time.

“You’re so beautiful,” Nick cooed. “Look at you, fucking amazing, Char.”

Well, as it turned out being called beautiful while being fucked and jacked off was just exactly what Charlie needed to come really fucking hard in Nick’s hand. He stroked him through it, cooing the same words as Charlie’s bounces slowly stopped. Nick took his hand away and in a move that was surprising as it was fucking hot, licked some of Charlie’s come from his fingers.

“Mother fucker,” Charlie groanded, feeling ready to come again at the sight. “Nick, you can’t just do that.”

“I wanted to,” Nick said, as if he wasn’t aware of the effect that had on Charlie. “You taste as good as I thought you would.”

“You can keep going,” Charlie said breathlessly, his whole body tingling. “Fuck me until you come.”

Charlie collapsed forward, his own spend getting sticky between them. Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie and then bent his knees, pounding up into him. Charlie lifted his head, struggling to reach Nick’s lips, but finding them and kissing him, putting everything he could into it.

It didn’t take much long before Charlie could feel him come and for one delirious moment he wished they weren’t using a condom. Which was a silly thought, Charlie stuck up to coming down from his own high and the overstimulation. They laid, both breathing heavy in the same position until Charlie sighed. “Gonna get off and get a flannel.”

Nick nodded, kissing the top of his head before Charlie rolled to the side, making sure slipped out carefully. He gave Nick a once over, as he watched the man take off the condom, taking it from his hands to toss it for him. He got a flannel, wiping himself off in the loo first.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, his hair absolutely wild, his face red, eyes still wide. He had to take a second to breathe and remember this was now over. It was just a fuck and run. A one night stand. No matter how much Charlie didn't want it to be. He had the ridiculous idea to tell Nick that, to kiss him and tell him he didn’t want to walk away.

But he couldn’t. It’s not what Nick wanted and quite frankly, Charlie wasn’t really what Nick needed right now either. He was a mess, he didn’t need to bring Nick down when he was just now discovering himself. Maybe if they had me when they were younger things would have been different.

“Alright?” Charlie asked, when he returned, handing Nick the flannel to clean himself with.

“Yeah,” Nick answered. “That was - thank you.”

“Thank you,” Charlie echoed, then they both laughed. “Why are we like this?”

Nick grinned. “Can we have a proper cuddle before we sleep? I’m a cuddler.”

“I figured,” Charlie said, awkwardly hovering, wondering if he should put pants back on.

“Naked?” Nick questioned. “I’m fine with that, if you are.”

“Yeah, sure why not,” Charlie said.

Nick got out of bed and they made sure there was no really gross wet spot on the sheets. Charlie should have grabbed a towel, but he wasn’t thinking with his upstairs brain. He also should have grabbed a tooth brush or something, since his carry on had nothing and his luggage was probably somewhere in a different country at the rate he was going.

But Nick didn’t seem to mind anything, just got into bed and let Charlie crawl in beside him, moulding themselves to each other, like they really did fit together. They breathed together, each inhale and exhale nearly in sync.

“That was amazing,” Nick said into the dark silence of the hotel room. “Really. Thank you for allowing me to…”

“Have sex with me?” Charlie giggled. “You’re welcome. I’m glad it was a good first experience for you.”

Nick kissed the top of his head and Charlie closed his eyes, content and happy and drifting off into sleep.

They woke up to Nick’s alarm, their naked bodies still touching everywhere, Nick’s morning wood pressed into Charlie’s side but nothing happened. There were several moments when Charlie wanted to say something to Nick. Wanted to ask for another kiss, or touch. Wanted to ask for a phone number or last name, but he found himself speechless.

Charlie wasn’t a brave person, not really and Nick never asked either.

They showered separately, Nick went down to breakfast and brought them plates of pancakes, eggs and sausages, shared between the two of them like a picnic. They talked, it wasn’t awkward or anything, there was still an ease to them, a familiarity that now leveled up a little, both knowing each other’s bodies as they did.

They laughed together in the rideshare, a tiny car that made Nick look extra large as he squeezed in the backseat next to Charlie. Several times he thought Nick wanted to reach for his hand as they sat there, but he never did. They stayed together in the airport, through ticket taking and security scans, before sitting in front of a different gate all together. They boarded at different times, not really saying goodbye properly.

Charlie didn’t see him the whole flight, he’d hoped to catch Nick going to the loo or maybe he’d come find him but nothing came of it. The woman next to Charlie kept trying to engage him in conversation about politics and Charlie declined, sticking in earbuds and selecting his favorite Depression Playlist to get him through it.

When the plane landed, Nick was waiting for him when he got off, a sad little smile on his face and they walked together to get their luggage. The wait wasn’t long and then that was it, they were standing in front of one another.

“Thank you again, Charlie,” Nick said. “For everything.”

“Thank you for being a good friend.”

“Yeah, friend,” Nick said, as they stood, awkward for the first time since they met. Nick moved forward, grabbing Charlie and hugging him, squeezing his arms around Charlie’s neck and he clung to Nick’s middle. The hug lasted forever, long minutes went by, people got their luggage, planes landed and took off but then Nick pulled away. “Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Charlie watched him leave, pulling his luggage behind him, until he was swallowed by the sea of people.

And then life went on, like it does.

Charlie woke up, got dressed, went to work, went out occasionally, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner and went to bed. But he also thought about Nick and his hands, his voice, his eyes, his hair, the way he said Charlie’s name, the way he touched Charlie’s body and the way Charlie had never felt more complete in his life than when Nick was there with him.

He told no one about his one night stand, not even Tori who seemed to figure out something happened, but didn’t press him on it. He reached out to Isaac again, full of apologies and promises and while the reception was lukewarm at best, but a branch had been extended where there once was a dead stump. Tao and Elle came to visit (separately) but Charlie felt like a teenager again, sitting on the couch watching movies and talking shit.

He almost let it slip to Elle about Nick and his kind lovely words and mind blowing sex, but he knew it wouldn’t serve him to keep thinking about it.

He had to move on.

And he tried, he really did. If Nick was just a one time thing, Charlie had to hold it to his heart, but he couldn’t make it his entire life. There was no doubt in his mind that Nick was the big prize, he was Charlie’s one chance at happiness and now he was stuck with some shitty consolation prize. But he had to make the most out of it, because he wasn’t Nick’s main prize. He was just a guy Nick fucked at a hotel when their flight got cancelled.

But Charlie was weak and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t let it go. Nick had wormed his way into his body, cracked open his ribs, moved his heart and lungs, buried himself deep inside Charlie and made himself a home.

Charlie looked up Barnes rugby online and he really wasn’t lying when he said he knew nothing about rugby. He was saddened to see there were teams but overjoyed to see pictures and he spotted Nick on Barnes 1st, standing in the back, face broken out into a wild smile, while most of his teammates stared straight ahead into the camera.

And then he looked at the games, saw how close some where to him, how easily he could get there by train if he really wanted to. And it was mildly confusing trying to figure out exactly what was happening, but between one heart beat and the next, he was making a plan for the following weekend. He was buying rugby tickets and train tickets and mapping out directions and his heart raced with the thought.

He knew it was stupid and foolish and a waste of his time and money, but he just needed to see Nick one last time. He just needed closure, needed to see Nick had moved on, had forgotten about him, that he meant nothing to him and then he could go on too. Because that hug, the last hug between them, that lasted an entire lifetime lingered in Charlie’s mind, the feel of Nick’s hands around his neck, the way Nick inhaled in the junction of Charlie’s neck and shoulder, the small sound that would go unnoticeable by anyone else, a soft sigh that Nick made before pulling back - all of that, it suggested that maybe Nick wanted him - wanted to be with him.

It had started raining when Charlie got off the bus, he hadn’t brought an umbrella, throwing his hood over his head, angry for not checking the weather. He made his way to the stadium, finding a seat that was far enough from where Nick would be that he hopefully wouldn’t be spotted right away. The rain slowed down to a light drizzle when the game started and he stood with the crowd as the team came out into the field.

He spotted Nick right away.

He was still so, so, beautiful.

He learned his last name too, printed on the back of his jersey.

Nelson.

Nicholas Nelson.

Charlie barely watched the game, his eyes glued on Nick the entire time. Every movement, every breath, every word despite not being able to hear it, Charlie watched. Memorised by how graceful Nick looked on the field, how at home his body was to the movements. He knew wanted to stop playing, knew the secret he’d kept from everyone but god, Nick was a natural out there. The way his teammates gathered around him, they loved him, Charlie could tell, how could they not when it was Nick?

Barnes had won the game, but Charlie didn’t even know the score. The crowd cheered around him but Charlie stood in silence, as Nick celebrated with his teammates. Charlie made his way down the steps, wanting to get closer, just in case. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to do but he just needed to move, needed to see if he could just catch Nick’s eye, if even for a moment.

He could tell the moment Nick saw him.

The world around them stopped completely, just like in the airport all those months ago. No sound, no smell, just Nick and Charlie, standing metres away, a field of people between them but eyes for only each other. They both moved at the same time, Charlie nearly tripping over the last row of chairs, before he was climbing over the small divider.

They met somewhere in the middle, still on the pitch among the winners and losers. They stopped mere inches from each other, both breathing heavily, Nick looking utterly exhausted, cheeks ruddy, covered in mud but still so fucking stunning Charlie was speechless.

“Hi,” Nick breathed. “You’re here.”

“Hi,” Charlie answered. “Um, yes, I am, sorry if -”

Nick was hugging him, pulling him against his rain soaked, muddy chest and Charlie didn’t care at all. He clung back to Nick, holding on like Nick might dare and try to leave him again.

“I’m sorry,” Nick said. “I shouldn’t have left. I didn’t think you wanted to keep in touch.”

“I did, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I wanted to.”

They pulled away from each other and Nick held his face, like he’d done before. “Why are we like this?”

“We’re idiots,” Charlie said, smiling, tears gathering in his eyes because Nick was here, in front of him, Nick hugged him and then Nick was pulling him to him, lips meeting, remembering the dance they’d done before, just as good as it had been then, maybe even better now. Their hands were all over each other and it seemed neither of them cared exactly where they were.

Until a loud whistle broke them apart, Nick turned, Charlie looking around him to see his teammates looking at him. “Oh,” Charlie said, then. “Oh shit, Nick you’re not-”

“I’m bisexual,” Nick said proudly, once he turned back to him. “I came out when I got back. To everyone. My mum, friends, team. I was trying to find you, Charlie, without your last name it’s impossible.”

“Spring,” Charlie supplied. “Charlie Spring.”

“Nick Nelson,” he said and Charlie giggled, nodding his head. “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Absolutely,” Charlie answered. “We’re doing this a bit backwards, though, aren’t we?”

“Yeah well, it’s a good story to tell our grandkids one day.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Grand kids? We aren’t even dating yet.”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Nick asked and Charlie laughed, shaking his head. “Then, boyfriends, already halfway there.”

Charlie rolled his eyes, but couldn’t find it in himself to be anything other than joyously happy.