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Staring at his email in vague disbelief, Remus blinked several times in succession. His entire world had begun to fall apart in the span of four days, and yet the tiniest miracle here existed, sat on the little screen of his mobile.
Mr Lupin,
We at the Marauding Aquatic Rescue Centre would love to host you and your son for a two day excursion where we are happy to offer a full, all-access pass to the exhibits, and the requested Sea Turtle experience. Please arrive promptly on the 26th of March, 13:30 at the staff gate with a copy of this email and identification, and we will welcome you and your son inside.
On a personal note, we are touched by the GoFundMe story, and would like to offer this experience for free. Any funds you have received can go toward treatment and living expenses. We have also donated £2,000 to the campaign.
Looking forward to meeting both you and Teddy, and we will see you soon.
Our Best Regards,
James Potter
Owner and Operator of Marauding Aquatic Rescue Centre
With trembling fingers, Remus managed to stutter out a thank you reply to the centre, unable to fathom how this had happened. Just hours ago he was looking up shelters where he and Teddy could stay. He’d not been able to make his living expenses his month, and had officially lost their flat. Teddy’d had a long bout of pneumonia that month, and after five days missed off work, Remus had been sacked from the restaurant job.
And it was the sixth sacking in four months.
It was nothing new. Remus had begun this journey knowing it wasn’t going to be easy. When the doctor at the hospital told Remus the boy had the disease, he knew. He knew he was in for a long, difficult road. But the boy’s mum had wanted no part in it, and Remus had agreed long before the two-month premature infant had come into the world, that he would be handling it.
And he had. With low-paying, sparse jobs that barely covered monthly expenses and the flood of treatments Teddy needed daily, they scraped by. But Remus’ parents had died when Teddy was two, leaving Remus alone in the world. And with his time stretched between caring for the boy and working as much as he could without neglecting him, he had no time for personal relationships.
As Remus climbed the stairs to his flat, he opened the door and found Teddy and Nym—Teddy’s nanny and Remus’ best friend—sat on the floor playing with lego. Teddy had his nebuliser mask on, meaning he’d had a bad attack not long before, and Remus tried not to grimace. Teddy’s sixth birthday was coming up in days, and for the first time, Remus could give him something amazing. For the first time it wouldn’t be a cobbled-together cake and off-brand super hero action figures.
“Daddy!” Teddy cried from behind his mask.
Remus grinned and slunk down next to Nym who elbowed him. “You’re glowing. What happened? Get laid?”
“What’s laid?” Teddy piped up.
Remus huffed and shot her a glower. “Actually, I’ve got a bit of good news, but it’s a surprise. For your birthday.”
Teddy’s eyes went wide behind the mask and he bounced. “Is it sea turtles?”
The whole idea had been Nym’s, really. She’d been minding Teddy between her Uni lectures for the last year and a half, and had become something of a mother figure to him. He’d spent the last year and a half talking obsessively of sea turtles, making Remus and her watch the Crush and Squirt scene in Finding Nemo no less than nine-thousand times to the point the DVD had worn down and Remus had to buy another.
Remus had lamented never being able to afford something like this, but Nym had learnt about an aquatic rescue centre that took in sea animals injured by fishing nets and other man-made pollution problems, and in one of their exhibits, they had three sea turtles currently being rehabilitated. The small rescue centre got its funding mostly from allowing visitors to walk through, where they learnt the dangers of pollution the ocean, and why places like Sea World were dangerous to the animals.
Remus had thought it a pipe dream until Nym informed him she’d put up the crowdfunding account. At first he’d been upset about it. The one thing Remus had a lot of was pride, and the last thing he wanted was charity. But realising he would never ever be able to afford it for Teddy, he swallowed the pride and allowed Nym to run it.
Now he was sat with over three-thousand pounds that would be deposited by the end of the month. It wasn’t in time to save the flat—not that he’d want to, really. But it would get them a start somewhere.
“Alright, go and wash your face,” Nym said, taking the mask off Teddy. She gave him a swat on his behind as he ran off in his pyjama-bottomed feet, the plastic footies smacking along the polished floors. She smiled at Remus as Teddy disappeared down the hall. “It really wasn’t bad today. Just a coughing fit.”
Remus rubbed his face and sighed. “I know. I heard back from the aquatic rescue, by the way. They got the email you sent and they’ve agreed to have Teddy there for his birthday.”
Nym’s eyes went wide. “You’re shitting me!”
“I heard that!” Teddy shouted.
“Keep washing,” Remus and Nym both called back to him. He smiled at her softly. “I’m hoping it’ll take the edge off when I tell him we have to move. Again.”
Nym’s face fell. “You what? Why?”
“Got sacked for his last hospitalisation. I knew it was coming. It’s been a rough winter, this one. I don’t have enough to make bills this month and well…” he trailed off and shrugged. “But I’m actually getting a lot off that crowdfunding thing and since the aquatic centre is offering almost everything for free, I can use it to find us a new place. Just need to get us into a shelter until then.”
“Hell no,” she said, slapping his knee. “Stop being a twat. My mum’s got space for a few weeks. Or forever. You know she loves Teddy.”
“And you know I hate charity.”
“Putting a roof over the head of a little boy who has cystic fibrosis isn’t fucking charity, Lupin,” Nym said angrily. “So get your head out of your arse. I’ll have my dad help out as well. We’ll get you sorted until the money comes in, then help you find a place.”
Remus swallowed against the lump in his throat. It was gratitude and shame mingled together because it was his job to provide for his child but he had no opportunities to do it, and he hated himself for it. “Thanks,” he muttered.
“Shut up,” Tonks said, and smacked him again. “Anyway if you’re in for the night, I’m going to run. My adorable French girlfriend is in London for the next two weeks, so I’ve got a lot of shagging to make up for.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but saw her to the door. “Honestly, thank you.”
“Honestly, it’s not necessary,” she said, mocking his tone. “Teddy is practically my child, and if it means I get to see his face light up like a bloody eighth night menorah because he got to swim with the bloody sea turtles, I’d do anything. Literally. I’d burn the world down for him.”
“I would too,” Remus said quietly.
“I’ll be in touch about getting your shit out. Okay?”
He nodded and pulled her in for a hug, kissing her cheek. “Go have fun on your date. Safe and consensual.”
“You know it.” Tonks winked, then hurried out the door, leaving Remus for the night.
***
The next few days passed quickly. Teddy was in good enough health—a quick trip to his specialist said he was fine to make the journey, though Remus still hadn’t told him about it yet. He wanted to see the absolute surprise on his face when they pulled up and Teddy learnt he was getting to realise his wildest dreams.
He packed sparsely, just enough money to fuel the car for the trip to the coast, and get them in a very cheap hostel near the park. He packed all of Teddy’s food, medications, the formula for his PEG feedings, and anything emergency they might need should something happen.
The night before found them on Teddy’s bed, Teddy reading his current library book about the sea turtle migration, and Remus giving him his G-tube feeding.
“Daddy, will there ever be sea turtles in London?”
Remus chuckled, glancing down to see most of the formula was gone. He gave it a small shake to encourage the last bits to go down. “Well, I don’t know. I’d say it’s possible, but not every likely.”
Teddy sighed. “Maybe some day we could go live by the sea and they could stop by our house and I could give them carrots and things before they go to other islands.”
“I think that would be lovely.” Remus added water to the tube, and depressed the plunger. When it was clear, he pulled it out, and sorted the button back on, leaning down to press a little kiss to his son’s tummy. “I think it’s a good goal.”
Teddy yawned. “Yeah. Coz I would be good with turtles. I think they’d like me.”
Remus laughed, reaching for Teddy’s vest and held it out. “I think so too.”
Teddy pulled a face. “Dadd-ee, I don’t wanna tonight. M’so tired.”
“I know, but you don’t want to get poorly before we go, do you?” Remus reminded him. “Your birthday surprise is tomorrow.”
Teddy brightened. “Oh yeah. Okay.” He stuck out his arms and Remus strapped it on, flicking the machine on which began the shaking. Teddy leant back a little against the wall as the vest worked his ribs up and down, hopefully dislodging any potential chance of getting ill just before this trip.
Just give him this one, he begged the universe. Just this birthday to forget as much as he can that his life is harder. Let him enjoy his bloody sea turtles.
When Teddy was sorted, Remus kissed his forehead and went to finish packing. It would be straining every bit of money they had, but he was determined to do this right. He would be damned if his son didn’t get this at least once in his life.
***
The drive to the coast wasn’t long, but Teddy was a bit worn by the time they reached the park’s entrance. Remus debated about stopping at the hostel and getting them checked in, but he’d got a text off James Potter asking them to come straight away. As Remus pulled up, he noticed the car park was completely empty, and though there was a guard at the gate who waved them through, the place seemed deserted.
Remus was starting to wonder if he’d got something wrong. The date or time or…something? Maybe it was an elaborate prank by some online troll meant to fuck with him?
Doubting himself, and wishing he’d had more time to actually speak personally with James, or some way to verify this was all real and he wasn’t about to crush his son’s dreams, Remus pulled his car up near the staff entrance.
Teddy’s eyes were wide as he surveyed the scene, and his gaze fixed on a large sign which he read out very slowly. “Ma…Mar…Mardering?”
“Marauding,” Remus said carefully as he switched the car off.
“Aquatic,” and it was no surprise Teddy knew that word by heart, “Animal Rescue…” He trailed off as he realised where they were. “Daddy?” he asked, breathless.
Remus grinned at him, saying a little prayer that this would go well. “Surprise, kiddo!”
Teddy let out an inhuman screech as he launched himself across the car, and into his dad’s arms. “Will I get to see the sea turtles?”
“Yes,” Remus said with a chuckle. “You will. And everything else they’ve got.”
Teddy scrambled back into his seat, pulling up his oxygen tank backpack shaped like a turtle. It had been a gift last year from Tonks and Andromeda, and it was what convinced Teddy to stop fussing about wearing his oxygen in public. He hurried to strap the tubes round his nose, and wriggled into the straps, turning so Remus could switch it on.
“Can we go?” he asked, bouncing in his seat. “Daddy, can we go now? Can we?”
Remus licked his lips, then nodded and hurried to beat his son out of the car and to the kerb. He clutched his mobile and keys in his hand, grasping Teddy with the other, and hauled all the supplies he’d need in his own carry bag hitched up on his shoulder. They made the walk to the service entrance, then Remus pushed the button.
There was a long pause, and just as Remus started to get properly nervous, the speaker buzzed. “Sorry, we’re having technical difficulties with the door. James is coming round to let you in.”
Remus let out a small breath, and a few moments later, the door opened and an incredibly tall man with dark skin, wild hair, and glasses stood there. He was holding the hand of a smaller boy, the absolute spit of him—sans glasses—who was also grinning wildly.
“You must be Remus,” James said, extending his hand. “And Teddy? I heard it’s your birthday.”
Teddy puffed out his chest as he extended his hand to James. “I’m six now. Well…tomorrow I’m six.”
James chuckled as he shook Teddy’s hand. “That’s most excellent. I’m turning twenty-seven in a few days myself. We’re birthday buddies.”
Teddy turned wide eyes on his dad. “I have a birthday buddy?”
Remus couldn’t help his chuckle, fuelled by the unknotting stress in his chest. “Seems so, kiddo. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Oh, and this is Hari. Haz, say hello.”
The boy peered up, shy for a moment, then his gaze fixed on Teddy. “Wha’s that?” He pointed to Teddy’s oxygen.
James instantly looked embarrassed, but Teddy wasn’t paying him any mind as he spun. “It’s my oxygen,” he said brightly. “Look, it’s in a sea turtle!”
Harry released his dad’s hand and ran it over the fuzzy face of the turtle. “Wow, cool! Daddy, it looks like crush. He’s got a crush pack!”
“That he does,” James said. “D’you think we ought to let these two inside though, eh kid?”
“Oh! Yeah, come inside! Pa is waiting with all the stuff. And you can see the tunnels next and we have these fun beds to sleep on and you can share my blankets!” The younger boy was now bodily dragging a laughing Teddy through the door.
James laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry, Harry doesn’t get a lot of interaction with other kids on a daily basis. We try to keep him away from the crowds when we’re open.”
Remus stepped in as the door slammed, and he started down the long, empty corridor toward a set of double doors the boys had already nearly reached. “Er. Are you open right now?”
“No,” James said with a grin. “We decided it would be more fun for him this way.”
There was a loud clang as the boys burst through the double doors, and disappeared. Remus tensed, speeding up his pace. “Er. Should we erm…”
“Oh, no,” James said, waving his hand. “My husband’s on the other side of the doors. I think Harry wants to show Teddy the sleeping area before we get started with anything else. And it is a bit late and I’m sure you’re both tired.”
Remus stopped just before they reached the doors. “Wait. Sleeping area? What…?”
“Oh. Oh bollocks. Oh Reg is going to kill me,” James said, ruffling his hair. “Did I not…mention that bit?”
Remus shook his head. “What bit?”
“Well we thought it would be fun to you know…camp out? It was Reg’s idea. Get some of those air mattresses and let everyone camp out in the aquarium tunnel?”
Remus was torn, mostly because he didn’t like surprises and they’d prepared for a hostel. But also at the thought of Teddy’s absolute joy when he realised he’d be sleeping surrounded by fish.
“Is that alright?” James asked as he held the door for Remus. “We had a dinner planned and everything.”
“That’s ah…a bit complicated,” Remus said, squinting as they came into a massive lobby with huge windows, the last of the day’s sun coming straight in. The area was huge, a massive fountain, a floor to ceiling aquarium with several tropical-looking fish, and a welcome desk with several pamphlets. “Teddy’s on an incredibly specialised diet thanks to his condition. It’s…well. Complicated.”
“You know if you’ve got a list, I bet we can accommodate him. We’re vegetarians as it is, and I’m vegan.”
“Well…” Remus licked his lips, and caught a glimpse of the boys hand-in-hand, running through another set of doors. He knew at this point he couldn’t turn James down. “I think it should be fine.”
James grinned, and clapped Remus on the back. “Look, let’s get them sorted on an activity. They can go watch the merpeople show—Sirius is practising with Dori right now, I think. And whilst they’re doing that, you and I can have a chat?”
Remus flushed, then nodded. He realised that these people were well off. They owned an aquatic rescue for fuck’s sake. They didn’t fuss about money and if their son had what Teddy did, it would never be an issue, not the way it was for him. He was a charity case, and no matter how friendly James was, it was obvious.
Still, Remus couldn’t help a feeling of comfort in the other man’s presence, and he couldn’t help his small smile as they started off through the doors.
***
Five minutes later, Remus got to meet James’ husband, Regulus. He was much shorter than James, slender build, black hair, and fierce grey eyes. He had a natural downturn to his mouth, making him look a bit disgusted with everything around him, but Remus watched him go immediately soft about the eyes when he was chatting to Harry and Teddy about what was going to happen in the tank.
“We like putting people on display more than animals,” James said quietly as Regulus got the boys seated right up front near the glass. “There’s a viewing from the top for the proper show, but this is just breath training right now.”
Remus was about to ask, when suddenly two figures swam into view. Both were wearing elaborately created merpeople tails, Dori—Remus assumed—was wearing brightly coloured shells, and had one in her dark hair to match.
The other, Remus noticed, took his breath away instantly. He had long, graceful arms, black hair flowing about his face, and he appeared to be holding his breath with absolute, practised ease. There was something about his face that took Remus a moment to realise—but he had to be related to James’ husband. Brothers, if not twins.
He and Dori swam and danced round each other, choreographed moves, dipping and diving and swirling.
Occasionally, Remus noticed, they’d swim to tubes, and Remus realised they were oxygen tanks, refreshing their breath. This carried on for some time before the pair swam to the top and broke surface. Just then, Regulus turned to James. “Not bad. Better than yesterday.”
James shrugged. “He’s coming off a flu. I’m surprised he’s done this well today.” He then turned to Remus and put his hands up. “I swear, no one’s poorly or contagious. It was weeks ago.”
Remus laughed. “It’s alright. I trust you.” Which wasn’t strictly true, but he didn’t think after all this fuss, James would knowingly put them in danger and really, they took the risk simply by walking down the street.
“Daddy,” Teddy said, turning, “did you see that? Did you see them swimming? Are they real mermaids?”
“No,” Harry said with a laugh. “That’s my uncle Sirius and Dori. They put on tails. I have a tail too. You could try it!”
Teddy’s eyes widened. “I could try it?”
“Maybe,” Remus warned. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“I think we should head up and say hi, actually,” James said. “Hari, you want to take Teddy ahead of us?”
“Yeah, okay!” Harry cried, seizing Teddy’s hand. “Then can we see my room and bring some toys for the sleepover?”
“I don’t see why not,” James said with a laugh. He turned to Remus. “I know Harry’s sort of taken the lead, but if he’s getting too excited, just say so.”
“No,” Remus said, smiling as his head shook. “It’s fine, really. Teddy’s a good kid. A bit mischievous but he follows rules.”
James smiled softly and glanced over at Reg. “Okay so you want to give us a quick rundown of the dietary stuff? Hari’s mum is going to bring a cake for Teddy for his birthday.”
“Ah well,” Remus said, scratching the back of his neck. “Thing of it is, Teddy can’t have gluten or dairy, and he’s okay with some refined sugar but not a lot. So…”
“I think she can handle it,” Regulus said, jotting down notes. “Is there anything else?”
Remus gave the two men a full scope of Teddy’s requirements, which were both complicated and difficult to prepare. “As you can see,” Remus finished after Regulus was done writing it all down, “we don’t eat out a lot. Or…ever.”
Regulus smiled very softly, almost a smirk. “You’re stressing too much. Let us handle it, yeah?”
Remus flushed. “It’s just…I hate to be a burden and…”
“You’re not,” James said. “Really, honestly. The kid loves everything we do. How can we not want to support that?”
Remus laughed. “Fair. That’s fair. It’s only…I don’t know how to show how grateful I am. This is nothing short of a miracle really, though he doesn’t know that. I haven’t ever been able to afford much, you know. He’s in hospital all the time and my jobs only tolerate it so far before I’m sacked. We just lost our flat last week and…” Remus froze, blushing hard. He had absolutely not meant to reveal all that and he looked down. “Fuck, I’m sorry. It’s…”
He went quiet when a warm hand fell on his shoulder and James squeezed. “How about the pair of you forget all that, at least for two days. We’ll have a good dinner, we’ll visit with some fish, tomorrow we’ll swim with the turtles and then…go from there.”
There was something open-ended about James’ statement, but Remus decided not to think on it. Not now. Regulus was excusing himself to go sort out the meals, and James had looped his arm through Remus’. “Come on, Sirius is probably telling the children some horrid lies or something.” When Remus looked mildly alarmed, James through his head back and laughed. “Nothing harmful, trust me. He’s great with kids. He lives with us—practically Harry’s fifth parent.”
Remus didn’t know what that meant, but he decided not to ask as they headed for the stairs, and out into the open. They exited the tunnel just beside the large swimming area, a huge rock with a fountain spraying out of the centre which held the platform Remus guessed the merpeople did their tricks off of.
There were massive, stone benches in a half-moon shape round the pool, and Harry and Teddy were sat on one, and the merman from before was perched up on the railing in front of the pool. He was dressed now, in cream-coloured loose linen trousers and a black shirt, though all the buttons were open and it was hanging off his chest. His skin was very bronzed from his time in the sun, and his hair was now pulled back into a bun at the back of his head, though several wet strands were stuck to the side of his neck and cheek.
When James and Remus approached, Sirius grinned and Remus felt his heart flutter at how absolutely gorgeous this man was. “Hey. So your kid was just giving us a lesson on sea turtle mating.”
Remus groaned. “Right, of course he was.”
“Apparently backpack sea turtles can’t mate though,” Sirius said with a small chuckle. “Which is a shame, I’d like to get one of those myself.”
“My Nym got it for me,” Teddy said, hugging the oxygen close to his body. “But maybe she could find one for you.”
“That would be brilliant.” Sirius hopped down off the railing, and to Remus’ surprise, grabbed a cane which he leant on heavily, a limp to his gait. He stuck out his free hand, and Remus quickly shook it. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same,” Remus said, a little shy. “Brilliant show there. I mean…that was…I’ve never seen anything like it.”
If possible, Sirius grinned wider. “Ah you’ll have to come and see a proper show with all of us. I’m coming off an illness so I have to get back to training my lungs. Suppressing a coughing attack under water is not as easy as it sounds.”
Remus snorted. “I imagine not.”
As though on cue, Teddy began his own coughing. He tipped forward, hands on his knees, and started to gasp. Remus quickly pulled out a handkerchief and held it to Teddy’s face, allowing him to spit out everything he was bringing up. It was streaked with a bit of blood, but nothing to worry himself over, and for the moment, he ignored the worried looks on Sirius and James’ face.
When Teddy finally calmed, he was wheezing, and Remus let out a small sigh. “Is there somewhere he can go to use his nebuliser?”
James nodded, and pointed down a stone path. “We live there, if it’s not too far?”
Remus reached out and pulled Teddy up, letting the boy’s head rest in the crook of his neck. “It’s no worries.”
Though the mood was subdued, they ambled along, Remus slower with his boy on his hip, and Sirius lagging behind with him. Remus glanced at him out of the corner of his eye but said nothing.
“Mr Sirius?” Teddy asked very quietly.
“Just Sirius. Or even Padfoot. That’s what Harry calls me,” Sirius replied, giving Teddy a wink.
“I like Padfoot,” Teddy mused. “I like your cane, too. What’s it for?”
Sirius paused in his step, and brought his cane to thwack across his calf. Remus winced until he realised it let out a dull, metal sound, and he glanced down as Sirius lifted the leg of his trouser. “I have a special leg.”
“I seen those,” Teddy said quietly. “It’s a profestefic.”
Sirius chuckled. “Prosthetic. And yep, that’s exactly what it is.” Sirius looked over at Remus for a minute, but didn’t offer anything more.
“You has a dolphin here with one on his tail,” Teddy said, then paused to cough a bit more. “I seen that on your videos.”
“We do. His name is Charlie and you can visit him later if you like. He’s one of my most favourites here.”
“Yeah,” Teddy said from behind a sigh, and coughed again. “He’s real real nice, huh?”
Sirius grinned and reached out, giving Teddy’s curls a ruffle. “The nicest.”
They made it to the house as Teddy went into another coughing fit. Without much time to look around, Remus hurried to the sofa and gave the plug to James who stuck it into the wall, and within seconds, with well-practised ease, Teddy was masked and breathing.
Crumpling up the small, now-empty packet of Teddy’s steroid medication, Remus stood and gave his son’s hair a ruffle before searching out the bin. As he did, he took a moment to glance round and was mildly startled by the place. He expected something far more posh than this, really. Maybe a floor to ceiling fish tank, or overly expensive furniture.
Instead what he found was well-worn sofas and two squashy armchairs with ink marks from where Harry had clearly coloured on them. The walls were a cream colour, decorated with photos and framed drawings Harry had done. The floors were scuffed hardwood, littered with a mixture of giant building blocks, dolls, and toy cars, and a few pieces of clothing were scattered.
“Sorry, we didn’t have time to tidy much,” James said, ruffling his hair.
Remus chuckled. “No worries, mate. Looks better than mine on any given day. Teddy’s a bit of a whirlwind.”
“Mm, I sympathise with that one.” James glanced over at Harry who was now sat next to Teddy and giggling as he let his fingers drift through the tendrils of steam coming from the mask. “Is that alright for him? He won’t bother Teddy?”
“Nah,” Remus said with a grin. “I’m sure Teddy appreciates the company. He’s in isolation a lot during the year so getting to play like this is kind of a treat.”
James’ face flickered through pity, which irritated Remus a little, but he knew he’d probably feel the same about anyone else’s child. “Well, once we’re sorted here, we can grab Hari’s things and head to the dome. My plan was to let the kids have tea, then they can help with the nightly feedings before we settle in?”
“He’s going to love that,” Remus said quietly. He looked over and checked the liquid and saw it was more than half gone. “Feeling alright, kid?”
Teddy nodded and gave a thumbs up. “Almost done!”
“Yeah! Almost done,” Harry parroted, and Remus laughed.
Just then, James’ mobile began to buzz, and he glanced down at the screen. “Bugger. I have to go take care of something. Sirius?”
Sirius, who’d gone down the hall, poked his head out. “What?”
“Can you get Hari sorted and to the dome? Reg needs help.”
“Got it. I’m just changing. Though you want me on Charlie’s feed tonight?”
“Nah, I’ve got it,” James replied, waving his hand at Sirius. “I’ll let the boys help out.”
Sirius gave a mock-salute, as he came out, now wearing a loose pair of black bottoms and a tank-top. He crossed his arms as he stood next to Remus and gave the other man a wink.
“You okay here?”
Remus nodded. “Of course.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, really. He was still in a bit of shock and considering everything, he wasn’t about to make any sort of demands on James or anyone.
James leant in, putting one hand on Sirius’ cheek as he kissed him quickly on the lips. He then leant in toward Remus, blinked as he realised what he was about to do, and laughed. He brought one hand up to give Remus’ cheek a fond pat. “Sorry, mate. You fit in so well I forgot you don’t even know me. See you in a bit.”
Then he was out, and Remus let out a breath. “Alright then.”
Sirius snorted a laugh and shook his head. “You get used to him. Anyway I was thinking about having a cuppa whilst the boys play a bit. Then we can get Harry packed up and head down to the dome. Unless you’re anxious to get moving?”
Remus looked over at Teddy who was shutting off his machine and rubbing his nose where the mask had been sitting. “I think playtime might be good for them. Teddy, you want to stay here and play round with Harry for a bit?”
“Oh yeah,” Harry said excitedly, jumping up from the sofa. “Come on I have toys and other stuff.”
“Can I keep my oxygen off puh-leeeeease?” Teddy begged.
Remus sighed. “Just whilst we’re inside.”
Teddy gave a shout, then hurried down the hall after Harry. Sirius jumped up, poking his head round the corner and shouted, “Don’t make a…”
Before he could get the last word out, there was the sound of something crashing, like a large bucket of toys being poured out onto the floor.
“…mess.”
Remus laughed. “Well at least it’ll keep them occupied.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, but grinned as he made his way back into the kitchen. He beckoned Remus along, and nodded his head at the small breakfast nook. “Go on. You want tea? Or we have herbal.”
“Caffeine please,” Remus said, easing himself down into the chair. He watched as Sirius flicked on the kettle, then collected two mugs and banged a couple bags into the bottom. He moved to the fridge, pulling out soya and grabbed sugar from the counter, sliding them across the table to Remus.
His limp was less pronounced, Remus noticed, when Sirius was moving in small spaces. He was a bit curious about the leg, but having raised Teddy now for six years, he’d learnt when to ask questions, and when to not be so invasive about other people.
Before long, though, he and Sirius were sat, enjoying a companionable silence. The tea was helping, the warm brew invigorating Remus a bit, and he offered a shy smile at Sirius.
“Alright there?” Sirius asked.
Remus shrugged. “It’s all a bit weird. The person who minds Teddy set up this crowdfunding thing for his birthday and I wasn’t thinking more than just a quick sea turtle excursion. You know? Then James rings and everything just goes…a bit off the rails. Not that I’m not grateful or anything,” he added in a rush.
Sirius shook his head. “You’re allowed to feel ungrateful, you know. I told Jamie he was getting ahead of himself. I was the one who found your page, but I told him to ask first before piling all this up on you.”
Remus shook his head. “It’s…fine. Really it is. This is probably Teddy’s dream come true. I wanted to…” Remus fell quiet for a minute, staring at Sirius’ curious grey eyes, then he took a breath. “It’s been a rough year with his health. We’re waiting on lung transplants but it’s hard, you know? Every day I sit and hope we get the call, but there’s this part of me that hates it.”
Sirius frowned. “Why?”
“Because it means some parent just lost their child,” Remus admitted. “It means some kid has just died and some family is suffering. And how can I allow myself to pray for that every day?”
Sirius swallowed, then his eyes flickered toward the hallway, clearly thinking about one thing. What if that one kid was Harry? “I get it,” he said eventually. “But shit happens, you know. And you’re not praying for a death, are you. I mean, you’re praying that one family who is going to suffer a tragedy no matter what, might give your kid some hope.”
Remus let out a small sigh, but smiled. “It’s a better way of looking at it, but I keep finding myself more pessimistic. I just…I’m afraid. That he’s not going to make it much longer. I was warned when he was born that even though CF treatments are far more advanced than they ever have been, it’s really just a luck of the draw. When Nym gave me the idea to do this I…I jumped on it. As much pride-swallowing as it’s required. Because this could be it for him. This might be his…his last birthday.”
Sirius’ eyes flickered with pain and he reached across the table, putting his hand over Remus’. “And it could be one of so, so bloody many.”
“I know,” Remus said, and gave the other man a watery smile. “I’m not saying I’ve given up or that I’m morbid all the time. But I’m realistic. And you know, if I can do these small things for him…” He trailed off, drawing his hand away and curled it round his mug. “It’s not easy. I stopped going to Uni when he was born, after his mum left. She couldn’t handle it, and it was a mutual agreement. But I didn’t realise that it would mean me getting sacked every month and a half, and barely having enough to put food on the table and pay for his treatments. I didn’t realise it would mean getting kicked out of my flat because I couldn’t pay.”
Sirius licked his lips, then gave a slow nod. “I don’t get it. Obviously. I don’t have kids and I’ve never had to make those sort of choices. But I was born with a condition. Congenital absence of the tibia. My parents were…” Sirius let out a bitter laugh and dragged his hand through his fringe. “My mum expected absolute and utter perfection from her children, you know? Then she got us. Me and Reg.”
Remus frowned, not quite understanding. “Er…what um…”
“Well she had me, with the leg,” he said, and thumped his hand on the side of his prosthetic. “And she got Reggie who was about six, I think, when he crawled into my bed and told me he wasn’t a girl.”
Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “Ah.”
“He knew better than to say anything, of course. But in secret we came up with his new name and I let him keep all my old clothes. Things kind of spiralled when I was sixteen. I was in pain all the time, I wanted to have my leg amputated because the brace I had to wear was damaging the nerves and putting too much strain on my knee. But she wouldn’t hear of it, my mum. So I started acting out. In trouble at school all the time, snogging boys and getting caught so I’d get a letter home. Reg of course begged me to stop. She was insufferable with him. But I couldn’t bear it. Eventually I ran away. From everything. Lived on the streets for six months and…it wasn’t pleasant. Jamie eventually found me and dragged me back to his. His parents took me in after mine formally disowned me. Was able to get my surgery finally. Reg came a few years later after my parents tried to have him married off.”
Remus was shaking his head. “Christ. I…I don’t know what to say.”
“I know it’s a lot I just kind of threw at you,” Sirius replied with a small laugh. “But I just kind of…I meant to say that I understand when life throws things at you that are just shit. But we’re all happy now. Took years of getting it all sorted, and Jamie’s a ridiculous man who has way too much love for his own good. But all of this he’s doing…he wants to make you happy. Wants to make your kid happy. It’s not out of some misguided sense of pity or some rich person trying to look like they’re doing good things. James is…” Sirius went silent again for another moment. “He’s a different sort.”
Remus didn’t reply, but he understood what Sirius was saying. He’d been worried at first, he had felt like a charity case, but James never treated him as less. Didn’t have that look about his face others did when they wanted to make some sort of personal statement by offering to help. James just genuinely seemed like he cared.
“I get it,” Remus said after a minute. “And it’s why I am grateful.”
The pair finished off their tea after that, then Sirius slapped his palms on the table and pushed himself up. “Come on. Those two have been quiet for long enough and I don’t trust them.”
Remus hummed in agreement. “Fives are the worst. And sixes don’t seem much better.”
Sirius let out a tiny snicker under his breath as he looped his arm with Remus’. Remus almost gave a start, the warm feeling cascading up his arm, but he chastised himself, ordering himself not to develop any feelings for this man. He didn’t know him, and this was no time for a fancy.
Taking a breath, he followed Sirius toward Harry’s room, and the two men peered inside where the boys were sat on Harry’s bed, both facing away from the door.
“…and only have them for a little bit. But we can see them later,” Harry was saying. “They’re going to be borned soon. Those sharks.”
“Woah,” Teddy said. “Then what?”
“Then they go to the big ocean we gots,” Harry replied solemnly. “It’s so big. It could have like…maybe even twelve whales in it.”
Teddy sucked in his breath. “Twelve.”
“Yeah!” Harry said brightly. “And some dolphins too. And when Crush and Squirt is better then they could go in it and migrate with all the others. And we could say bye but they might come visit later.”
“I hope they visit later,” Teddy said, sounding a bit sad. “I could miss them.”
“Yeah,” Harry said, sounding sad as well. “I miss the other ones when they have to go but it’s okay because my daddy and papa they like to help other ones so we get to make them feel better. Like Charlie. He gots a fin like my uncle Sirius’ leg and he can stay with us forever if he wants to.”
Remus pulled back with a small laugh. “Twelve whales, huh?”
Sirius had the back of his knuckles pressed to his mouth and he stepped further back to whisper, “It’s three hundred nautical miles of open ocean.”
Remus snickered. “So maybe even thirteen whales, then?”
Sirius choked on his laugh and elbowed Remus. “Right. Maybe even thirteen.”
Remus bit his lip and peered back inside to hear Teddy talking. “…don’t have anything cut off my body. But I gots stuff in it. Like my PEG.” He lifted his shirt to show the button. Then he pulled down his collar, exposing the lump just below his collar bone. “And that’s my port and they put stuff in there when I get in hospital. That one kinda stings.”
“Could I touch it?” Harry asked reverently.
Teddy nodded and let Harry’s small fingers prod at it gently. “That doesn’t hurt,” he informed. “But it gets poked with jabs and I don’t like those very much.”
Harry pulled a face. “You and uncle Sirius has gots stuff in your body like robots. My body does have any. I wonder if I’ll get some robot parts when I get bigger.”
“Yeah probably,” Teddy said with a solemn nod. “I think probably.”
Harry’s face lit up. “Oh good!”
Sirius snickered again. “We should probably erm…” As Remus nodded, Sirius stepped in. “Well, I think two small children need to be tidying up this mess,” he said, pointing at the spilt toys littering the floor. “Because there’s an ice lolly reward, and I think your mummy is sending cake for Teddy’s birthday, Haz.”
The boys brightened, and quickly flung themselves to the ground to pick up everything they’d taken out. When they were done, Harry went to his cupboard and pulled out his Star Wars case, flinging the top open. “I want to take my red skirt, Paddy.”
Sirius shrugged. “Take what you want, love.”
Harry yanked open his wardrobe drawer and pulled out a skirt that looked almost identical to the yellow one Teddy brought with him. It had been on a pound sale at Primark, some left over costume thing which Teddy had spotted and Remus couldn’t resist. And seeing Harry had a near identical one, Teddy bounced on his heels.
“I got the yellow one! We could match tomorrow!”
Sirius looked back at Remus who shrugged. “He likes dressing up.”
“This one as well,” Sirius said, and he looked almost relieved in a way.
Which Remus realised, he was as well. Not everyone took it so pleasantly when they learnt Remus let Teddy dress in whatever he wanted—whether it was skirts or leggings or jeans and t-shirts with cars on them. Whatever made Teddy feel comfortable, Remus provided. But being that Harry had a trans dad, Remus could understand the potential anxiety that James, Regulus, and Sirius might have when someone like Remus found out. There was just no telling at all how people were going to react.
The boys, however, were paying the situation no mind at all. Teddy was busy helping Harry pick out the best pyjamas—obviously the ones with constellations all over them—and what leggings and shirt would go best with his skirt.
“Reg is going to kill me for letting Harry pack on his own,” Sirius groaned as he watched the boys attempt to zip the over-stuffed case.
“I think they packed for a week,” Remus mused.
“Yeah. He’s going to put me on laundry duty. Just watch,” Sirius said with a small sigh.
Remus gave him a pat on the arm, feeling a bit of a blush on his cheeks, but he pushed it aside. He felt so comfortable here, like he’d known them forever. “Well I should at least offer to help since I’m partly to blame.”
Sirius grinned widely at him, making Remus’ heart pound. “Alright you two. Sorted?”
“Um…yep!” Harry cried, throwing his arms up. “Okay let’s go.” Harry froze then, and turned to Teddy. “Do you want to be my best friend?”
Teddy’s eyes went wide and he glanced at Remus before looking back at Harry. “I think I could be, yeah,” Teddy said as though he was accepting some sort of business partnership.
“You want to hold hands?” Harry asked.
Teddy bit on his bottom lip. “Probably not right now.”
“Maybe later?” Harry asked.
“Yeah,” Teddy said and grinned. “Maybe later. Let’s go get my turtle.”
The pair raced off, and Remus let out a breath. “Oh, this could be bad.”
Sirius barked a laugh. “Yeah. But so cute.” He glanced down at Remus’ hand, then smiled cheekily. “You want to be my best friend and hold hands?”
Remus flushed, but feeling bold, took a step closer to Sirius. “Yeah, why not.” He reached out, and Sirius’ fingers linked with his and they headed out of the room.
***
The Dome was, apparently, the exit to the aquarium tunnel. The tunnel had a moving walkway and speakers which told facts about the fish inside. The aquarium itself was massive—the biggest Remus had ever seen in his life. It cascaded from one end of the building to the other, and the dome was just under the main part of it. It was all glass, and every wall was a viewing spot for all the fish.
When they got in, Teddy stood with wide, wondering eyes as he stared round. Seeing the look of absolute awe on his face made Remus’ throat go tight, and still holding Sirius’ hand, he squeezed the thin fingers.
“Alright?” Sirius asked quietly.
“Just…he looks…” Remus nodded at Teddy who was now standing at one of the windows with his face mashed right up against it. “I’ve never seen him like this.”
“Harry’s grown up here,” Sirius said quietly, “but he never gets tired of this place.”
It was true. Harry had shoved himself right up against Teddy, and was pointing out some fish. “Look, that one right there. It’s a puffer fish. He’s called Max. You can’t touch him though.”
“Oh,” Teddy said. “What about that one called?” he pointed to a giant blue fish swimming just overhead.
“Um. I don’t think he’s gots a name,” Harry said, shaking his head. “You want to pick one?”
Teddy stared at him with wide eyes. “I could name that fish?”
“Oh yeah,” Harry said, and turned his head back to Sirius. “He could name that fish, right Paddy?”
“Of course,” Sirius said with a grin. He finally let his hand slip from Remus’, and walked over to the small boy, putting his hand on his shoulder. “Go on. What name do you like best?”
“Well. I like Moony.”
Remus blushed furiously. “Teddy,” he groaned.
Sirius looked back with a small grin. “Moony?”
“It’s…he used to call me that when he was little.”
Teddy turned back to the tank with a grin. “Yeah I like it! Moony. Now you’re a fish, daddy.”
Remus sighed, but was still grinning. He took a step back and looked round, his eyes falling on the massive pile of camp beds that were strategically placed in one corner of the room. They were covered in squashy duvets and pillows, several stuffed animals in the shapes of sea creatures, and what looked like balloons.
“Well, I guess we’re camping out here?” Remus asked.
“Er, that was the idea,” Sirius said. “Will he…I mean, is that alright? He won’t need special accommodations or anything. We’ve a guest house, actually, not far from ours if…”
“No it’s brilliant,” Remus said with a soft grin. “Really. Teddy, did you see the beds?”
Teddy looked over, then hiked his turtle up his back higher and ran for the beds. Harry was close on his heels, and the boys jumped on top of the animals and began a short pillow fight.
“Preview of the night’s events,” Sirius said.
Remus shrugged. “He’s never really had a proper birthday party before so…let them.”
Sirius grinned. “Absolutely. Let them.”
***
James and Regulus returned just before tea with a massive spread of curries and rice. He set out a blanket on the floor, then take-away plates for everyone before pulling the lids off all the pots. “So they’re all coconut milk,” James said quietly to Remus as the boys looked over hungrily. “Aloo gobi, and saag which is Hari’s favourite. Also some dal, and one lamb dish for Sirius.”
Remus grinned. “It’s perfect. He’ll love it. Not too spicy?”
“No heat,” James said. “I reckoned that would be best for him.”
Remus sighed as his entire body relaxed. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
“Honestly, I’m happy to. Hari’s mums sent over a flourless, vegan chocolate cake. And if anyone can make something like that taste even better than traditional puddings, it’s Lily.” James put a hand on Remus’ shoulder and gestured to the picnic where Regulus, Sirius, and the boys had already started tucking in.
Remus carefully took his spot next to his son as Harry was prattling on. “…and I gots Paddy,” Harry said, nodding at Sirius who gave a mock salute. “And I gots papa,” he said nodding at Regulus who blinked, then gave a tiny smirk round his bite of naan. “And daddy,” Harry said with a goofy grin at James. “Then I gots my mummies.”
“How many mummies?” Teddy demanded.
“Well I gots two,” Harry said. “Mummy and Marly and I get there on weekends sometimes but they’re doctors mostly and mummy bakes things when she’s at home.”
“Lily and Marlene work for Doctors without Borders,” Sirius explained. “So they’re gone a lot of the year.”
“Wait,” Teddy said, swallowing a bite of his rice. “You gots two daddies, and two mummies?”
Harry nodded. “Yeah.”
Teddy’s bottom lip stuck out. “I only have one daddy.”
“Well I could share some,” Harry said solemnly. He glanced between the adults as Remus was scrambling with something to say, then pointed his little fork at Sirius. “Paddy, you could be Teddy’s other daddy now, okay? So he could have two.”
Sirius, who was sipping on his drink, choked a bit, and the rest of the adults went a bit wide-eyed.
“Hari,” James said with a sigh. “You can’t just go assign someone a daddy. It’s…it doesn’t work that way.”
“But that’s not fair because I think Teddy likes Paddy.”
Teddy gave Sirius a scrutinising look. “Yeah, he’s alright.”
Sirius went pink in the cheeks. “High praise, kid. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Teddy replied, then took a huge bite of rice.
“Oh my god,” Remus groaned. “Sirius I…”
“It’s fine,” Sirius said. “Look you two—I think it’s very nice that you like me. I like you too. And having two mummies and two daddies is alright, but having one really great daddy is also pretty good.”
Teddy turned his gaze back to Remus and shrugged. “Yeah. He’s pretty good, I guess.”
Remus bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at his plate. “Thank you, son.”
“Yep,” Teddy said, popping the ‘p’ sound hard. “Okay I want to see Charlie pretty soon.”
There was a marked silence, then James burst into laughter. “This has been a brilliant dinner so far. You boys really want to stop eating now and go feed the animals?”
“Yeah!” Harry cried, shoving his plate away. “Papa, you can come too, okay? And you could carry me.”
Regulus’ lips thinned. “You can walk by yourself.”
“Yeah but you could carry me.” Harry flung himself at Regulus, and James pinched the bridge of his nose. “Harindar,” he said in a warning tone.
Harry gave him an innocent look. “But…”
“Pittar, thodi der layi channge ban Jo.”
Harry pouted as Remus frowned at the sound of the boy being begged in Punjabi. “I am behaving.”
Regulus gave the boy’s hair a quick pet. “How about you go and find Teddy something he can swim in, yeah?” As the boys scrambled up for Harry’s case, Reg turned back to Remus. “Is it alright if he swims?”
Remus nodded. “Yeah it’s fine. I’ve got a bandage cover for his button. Just need to get our things from the car.”
Sirius rose with him. “I’ll go help. You get the boys ready.”
James gave Sirius a look, one Remus would have to be completely obtuse not to understand, but he chose to ignore it in favour of Sirius actually reaching out and taking his hand. He felt like a teenager on a date, a bit daft and dizzy, but he liked it. Sirius even swung his hand a bit as they headed for the doors.
“You don’t need your cane?” Remus asked as they headed for the car park.
Sirius shook his head. “Nah. Sometimes my hip gets funky after a long swim, so I use it right after. But I’m good now.”
Remus nodded, pulling his keys from his pocket. Just before they reached the car, he hesitated. “Sorry you were put on the spot like that. And you know, that actually is pretty high praise from Ted.”
Sirius burst into laughter, grabbing Remus’ shoulder to steady himself. “I noticed. He sure loves you.”
Remus rolled his eyes as he unlocked his car and grabbed their cases and Teddy’s packs with supplies. “Doesn’t he, though?” He slammed the door and locked it back up. Before he turned, he ran a hand into his hair and sighed. “It does feel a bit shit sometimes though. When he notices the profound differences between his life and other kids’. I mean not just the fact that he’s ill all the time, but what kind of home have I given him?”
Sirius licked his lips, then reached out and squeezed Remus’ hand tight. “Look, I’m not the expert in these things, but I can tell you I’d rather have a poor dad who loved me, than two rich parents who couldn’t stand the sight of me simply because I exist in the body I exist in. I mean, I know the grass is always greener, but I can say for damned sure that Teddy’s life is far better with you in it.”
Remus flushed a bit and shrugged. “I hope so.”
Sirius tugged him close. “Look, I know I barely know either of you, but I think he’s great. And I think you’re…fit as hell and funny and…kind of fancy you.”
Remus felt stunned because although Sirius had been flirting—he wasn’t oblivious—he had taken it with a grain of salt. To have it stated so plainly... “Why?” he blurted.
Sirius lifted a brow, then laughed. “Why do I fancy you? Remus…you’re pretty great. You have to know that about yourself.”
“I just…” He shook his head. “I don’t date. I don’t have time you know. With working as many hours as I can squeeze in, and most people are…put off. With the care Teddy requires.”
“Most people are bloody fools,” Sirius bit. “I mean, I can’t tell you how many of the, ‘you know what, let’s do this another time,’ when they see this…” Sirius stuck out his prosthetic foot, propping it on the pavement by the heel.
“Fools,” Remus said, and his mouth was a bit dry because Sirius was so bloody attractive it made his head spin.
“Anyway, I didn’t tell you because I have expectations. I just…thought you should know.”
“I think you’re pretty brilliant yourself,” Remus said quietly as they resumed their pace. “But I live so far. And…and work is difficult and…”
“I think we can come up with something if you want to try,” Sirius said. He held the door for Remus. “We’ll take it slow. We have a brilliant few days here ahead of us, and when it’s over, we can…talk.” He finished with a helpless shrug, and Remus laughed, tugging him a bit close.
“I can work with that.”
Sirius’ cheeks pinked again and he grinned, elbowing Remus just a bit as they made their way back to the dome.
When they entered the room, there had clearly been a commotion. James had his hand in his hair, Reg was rolling his eyes, and Harry was clinging to Teddy like Teddy was about to float away. Remus lifted a brow as he set Teddy’s supply pack down. “Did we miss something?”
“Oh Hari learnt Teddy lives in London,” James said. “He’s not overly fond of that idea.”
“He’s my best friend,” Harry wailed.
Remus laughed. “You can have best friends who live in different cities.” He knelt to the ground and pulled out the plaster to cover Teddy’s button, beckoning the boy over. Teddy extracted himself from Harry and lifted his shirt. “You’ll see each other plenty, I’m sure of it.” He wasn’t actually. He may have been telling this boy a lie, but he didn’t want to break their little fantasy bubble just yet. Right now they fit too well, too perfectly into this little family and even Remus wanted to pretend for a little while.
Smoothing the plastic bandage over the button, Remus tugged Teddy’s shirt down and kissed his forehead. “Sorted. You can also leave your oxygen, okay?”
Teddy grinned, ripping it from his face and throwing it to the floor next to the turtle pack. “Thanks!”
Reg smiled at the diffusion of the situation, and held out both hands. “Alright, you two can help me load up the cart, okay?”
Harry let out a squeal of delight as each boy took one of Regulus’ hands, and they hurried off out the main doors. Remus swiped his hands on his trousers and rose, turning a sheepish smile to James. “Er. Sorry about that.”
James shook his head. “I had no idea they’d get on so well. Hari doesn’t take to other kids that well. We’ve had a few birthday parties and tours and things here and they didn’t go…well.”
Sirius, who was stood by, snorted. “That’s putting it much nicer than you should.”
James shrugged. “Well anyway, I was nervous but at this point you both might as well be family.” He slung an arm round Remus’ shoulder and tugged him close. “I’d apologise but I don’t want to.”
“Oh my god,” Remus said with a laugh. “I guess I don’t have a choice, then.”
Sirius shook his head, smiling in a way that made Remus’ knees go wobbly. “No. You really don’t.”
***
An hour later found Remus and Sirius sat on the edge of the dolphin feeding pool with their trousers rolled up. Sirius had his leg off, a pair of crutches off to the side, and they were dipping their toes in the cool water as Regulus and James had the boys waist-deep on the steps with buckets of fish.
“Charlie’s my favourite, for obvious reasons,” Sirius said, his fingers toying with Remus’ as they pressed their palms to the concrete. “We’d got some reports there were dolphins in a fishing net, so Reg and I took the boat out. Most of them were alright, but Charlie had been there the longest and his tail was already in avascular necrosis. We got him here and our vet tried everything but he had to amputate. He had to stay in shallow water for months, and then some engineering student at Oxford rang us up and said he’d seen Charlie’s story on the website. He came here every weekend for about six months and eventually we had the first dolphin tail prosthetic prototype for him. It’s pretty brilliant. He won’t be able to be released but…he seems happier.”
As if on cue, the dolphin splashed both men and boys, and Teddy gave a loud, delighted squeal.
“This place is amazing,” Remus said from behind a breath. “I mean, there aren’t even words.”
“Can’t argue there, mate,” Sirius said.
Remus reached over, absently grabbing Sirius’ thigh when he realised his fingers had curled round his stump. He yanked his hand away. “God, I’m sorry. Is that… does that bother you?”
Sirius smiled carefully. “No, but if it puts you off, I understand.”
Remus replaced his hand quickly, stroking his fingers along the skin. He heard Sirius let out a shaky sigh, and he leant into Remus gently. “I wish we lived closer. I…I mean right now I’m trying not to think about what the bloody hell I’m going to do when we get back.”
Sirius cocked his head a little, letting the tip of his fingers draw over and count Remus’ knuckles. “How so?”
Remus let out a small puff of air thinking what the hell, because they’ve been so nice this far and honestly telling Sirius he thinks might actually feel good. “I lost my flat. Teddy had a bout with pneumonia and was in hospital for almost two weeks. I was sacked and didn’t have enough to cover my bills this month. The woman who minds him, Nym, she’s going to help out until I find something but…I feel like I can’t keep doing this.” Remus gave a bitter wave of his hand. “This constant cycle of struggling just to keep a roof over his head and his meds stocked. I mean, you’ve no idea the cost of his constant treatments, and surgeries. He has to take a g-tube feeding daily which requires a special formula, and breathing treatments several times a day…” Remus trailed off with a shuddering sigh and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to… it’s. We get by. I just get frustrated.”
Sirius shifted closer, his thigh twitching a bit under Remus’ pressing fingers, and he settled his cheek against Remus’ shoulder. “M’sorry, Moony.”
Remus laughed. “Oh, please don’t let that stick. Let’s leave it for the fish.”
“I think it’s endearing. And fitting.” Sirius lifted his hand and brushed a bit of curl from Remus’ forehead. They listened to the laughing and splashing of the boys for a little while before James and Regulus called them out.
“Okay, who wants to go feed Mr Ray?” James called to a two-person cheering section.
Remus blinked. “Stingray?”
“Injured off the coast, lost a portion of its pectoral and dorsal fin, so we keep him here,” Sirius said.
“Are they all named after Finding Nemo characters?”
Sirius snorted. “When you’ve got a five year old in charge of half the naming process, then yeah. I’m afraid so.”
Remus let his head shift sideways, resting on top of Sirius’. “Should we go with them?”
Sirius let out a slow breath and nuzzled in further. “If you don’t mind, I’m quite comfortable here.”
Remus felt Sirius’ palm settle onto the back of his hand, so he turned it up and their fingers laced together. “Yeah. It’s rather nice, isn’t it?”
And it really was.
***
An hour later, the boys were tired, Teddy needed his nightly treatments, and James and Regulus had gone off for a shower and to change for bed. Remus and Sirius had donned pyjamas, and were settled on the sea of camp beds. Sirius had Teddy perched between his legs, Harry on the side of him, and he was reading a story after Harry declared he was the best at voices.
Teddy was reclined as Remus handled his g-tube feeding, and he was staring up at Sirius as he, in fact, did all the voices. “What actually happened next was this. When the giant had got Sophie outside, he arranged the blanket so that he could grasp all the four corners of it at once in one of his huge hands, with Sophie imprisoned inside. In his other hand, he seized the suitcase and the long trumpet thing, and off he ran.”
Sirius shut the book, and both boys groaned. “More!” Harry cried.
“I think everyone’s a bit tired,” Sirius replied, watching as Remus pushed a plunger of water through the tube, then detached it and pushed the button back into place. Remus kissed Teddy’s belly before pushing his shirt back down.
“M’not tired at all,” Teddy declared, then gave a huge yawn.
Sirius chuckled. “I think maybe the sooner you get to sleep, the sooner it’ll be breakfast and the sooner it’ll be time to see the turtles.”
Teddy’s eyes snapped wide. “Oh yeah! Okay!”
Remus held out his hands. “Vest.”
Teddy groaned and threw himself against Sirius. “Puh-leaaaase can I skip tonight?”
“Absolutely not,” Remus said. “You want to swim with the turtles and be off your oxygen most of the day, you’re absolutely doing the best. But maybe Harry will sit beside you.” Remus got up to fetch everything, and Harry watched with wide eyes as Teddy was strapped in. Remus handed over the mask and started the nebuliser, then switched the vest on. The shaking motion made Harry pull back, then grin widely.
“Can I touch it?” he asked.
Teddy nodded. “Yeah it’s okay.”
Harry pressed his hand to the back of the vest and giggled wildly. “Does it tickle?”
“Um a little but I hate it,” Teddy whinged. He let out a series of coughs, then reached up under the mask to wipe his mouth.
Sirius rose from the bed, stretching his back as he half-balanced against the nearby chair. “He does that every night?”
Remus nodded. “It used to be manual. I’d have to pound on his chest and back for thirty or forty minutes. He hated that more, but he’s got a selective memory.”
Sirius grinned, but it was softer than it had been. “They all do, don’t they?” He sighed as he looked at the boys who were now paging through the book. “He’s got a remarkable personality for all the shit he goes through.”
Remus nodded. “He does. It’s…well I dunno if I’d be like him. I can’t fathom…just…how he suffers. It’s miserable.”
Sirius shifted a bit closer and reached out for Remus’ hand. “If you could stay here,” he started, then shook his head. “Never mind, I’m just…just ignore me.”
Remus felt a longing burst in his gut and he wanted to tug Sirius close and say yes, he would stay here. That this was everything he’d ever wanted because there was Harry who loved Teddy and Teddy loved back. And James and Regulus who were the most welcoming people Remus had ever met. Who treated him like family instead of a stranger.
And there was Sirius and Remus didn’t even have words for that but it felt universally destined or something and Remus had never been that sort of romantic. But here he was wanting more and it made him ache.
Maybe, he thought quietly to himself, this was all a mistake.
Before he could get too morose, James and Regulus appeared, both clad in pyjamas and wearing grins. Regulus was holding a bundle of blankets, and James strolled over to the boys.
“Cool vest, little man,” he said to Teddy, and offered out his fist for a fist-bump.
Teddy complied with a huge grin, then went back to chatting with Harry over the semantics of the Big Freaking Giant and how the book could—and should—end.
Regulus got a few things sorted for sleeping, and James walked over to where Remus and Sirius were stood quietly.
“Alright you two?”
Remus smiled, offering a slightly tight smile. “Tired, I think. Boys seem a bit over excited. Teddy especially, as I don’t think he’s ever had a sleepover inside an aquarium.”
James laughed. “Well we don’t really let Hari do this regularly so I think he’s right there. Cute those two, really.”
Remus glanced at them and they had their cheeks mashed together as they attempted to figure out some of the more complicated words. “Yeah. They really are.”
James smiled, then clapped Remus on the shoulder. “Mate, can I steal a word with you tomorrow? Just the pair of us?”
“Yes,” Remus said slowly. “About what?”
“This whole thing.” When Remus looked vaguely nervous, James gave him a reassuring smile, “Nothing bad, I swear. I want to make sure I didn’t overstep any boundaries and…just a few other things. Honestly I’ve never had so much fun in my life.”
Remus relaxed a bit, and felt Sirius take his hand. “Then yeah. Of course.”
“Reggie and I can take them to the tide pool,” Sirius suggested, glancing at his brother who was nodding as he sipped on a bottle of water. “We don’t normally let the kids in there. They get too handsy and it contaminates and affects the life in there, but Harry can show Teddy the dos and don’ts.”
“Sounds brilliant,” Remus said softly. He broke away from James and Sirius to take Teddy off the vest, and he heard them talking quietly, though he couldn’t make out the words. Insecurity crept in again. He was a charity case, after all. Maybe he was getting too cosy. Maybe James wanted to remind him that although Sirius was flirting, this was not his place.
He let out a small sigh as he urged the boys back under the covers. Before he could get them tucked in, Harry jumped up and threw his arms round Remus tightly, forcing Remus to lift him as he stood. “Mr Moony?” Harry said quietly.
“Yeah?”
“Could you maybe stay? Because you could be my uncle cos I like you a whole lot and I like Teddy a whole lot and he could be my brother or my best friend.”
“Hari!” James cried when he realised what was happening.
Remus waved him off. “It’s alright, just tucking them in.” He gave Harry’s head a ruffle, then a kiss to the forehead as he did with Teddy every night. “I think it’s a little more complicated than me just wanting to stay. Because I do.”
“Okay,” Harry said sleepily. “Because I think Paddy likes you a whole lot too. Like my daddies do. So you could stay and marry him some time.”
Remus chuckled and put Harry back under the blankets. “Maybe so.” He gave Teddy a kiss, then stepped back. “I’ll be right in that bed, okay,” he said pointing. Then he stopped when he saw Sirius shifting his own camp bed right up to Remus’, and he got a wink for his curious gaze.
Flushing, Remus backed up and ignored the knowing smirk on James’ face as he strolled over.
“This alright?” Sirius asked.
Remus swallowed. “Well. So long as you know there’s no funny business.”
“What do I look like?” Sirius scolded, but he was smiling. “Come on. Reg is going to kill the lights and I want to be sorted and not trip over myself.”
Remus was forced to climb over Sirius onto the squashy camp bed, and he settled against the surprisingly plush pillow. The duvets were warm, and Sirius’ hand snuck out, curling round his. “This has been a bloody good day, you know.”
Sirius sighed happily and pushed his forehead against Remus’ shoulder. Just then, all the lights flickered out save for a handful of fluorescents hanging somewhere near the tank walls. It cast an ethereal glow over the room, and all that could be seen were figures of fish swimming round and round over their heads. Remus had never, ever experienced something like this in his life, and no matter how it worked out in the end, he would never forget it.
***
Remus woke to the feeling of a leg curled round his, and a face tucked into his neck, breathing warm air into his skin. It had been so long—so long he couldn’t actually remember when—that he’d woken up with a person in his bed. His entire being ached, because even in his sleepy haze he knew this was temporary. This wasn’t all the time. He may have felt at home here, but it was not home. Not really.
Swallowing thickly, he attempted to shift over, but Sirius’ arm wound round his waist and tugged him in close. “Mm, no.”
Remus couldn’t help a low chuckle as he gave in, deciding he might as well enjoy it whilst he could. “No?”
Sirius’ eyes didn’t open, but he snuffled in closer against Remus’ warm skin. “M’not getting up yet,” he groused. “Stay.”
Remus let out a sigh, but his face split into a grin as he turned just slightly, burying his face into Sirius’ soft locks. “Alright. But you know the kids will be up soon.”
“Yes I do,” Sirius said, his voice low and rough, “which is why we’re getting as much out of these snuggles as we can.”
Remus’ hand wandered down between them, laying his hand over Sirius’ and letting their fingers tangle together. “This feels nice,” he admitted.
“It does. I know it’s…I know we’re not…” Sirius stopped and sighed. “There’s distance and everything but I want to make it work.”
“I…” Remus breathed long and slow through his nose as he moved even closer to Sirius. “I’d like to try,” he admitted. “I don’t know how. But I want to try.”
Sirius’ eyelashes fluttered against the side of his neck, and Remus wrapped his other arm round him. “I can accept that.”
Remus chuckled, then let himself bask in this strange but gorgeous moment for as long as it took for the boys to finally wake. Remus had just started drifting off again when he felt a movement on the bed, then opened his eyes to find his son’s face just inches away from his own.
“It’s my birthday,” Teddy whispered.
“So it is,” Remus whispered back, and pulled Teddy down to kiss his forehead. “Happy birthday, love.”
“Daddy…erm… the light’s on my vest machine.”
Remus blinked, then let the words sink in and he groaned. “Bugger. The red one?”
“Yep.”
“Alright. You know what that means.”
Teddy groaned, then looked over at Sirius, then back at Remus and grinned. “Are you married now?”
Sirius let out a choked sound against Remus’ neck, and Remus took a moment of his own mortification before he answered. “No, Ted. People can snuggle without being married.”
“Yeah okay because I snuggled with Harry too but we didn’t got married.”
“Right,” Remus said with a nod, feeling Sirius’ hand clench hard round his. It was obvious then Sirius was attempted to hide laughter in Remus’ neck.
“Daddy?”
“Hmm?”
“Did I tell you yesterday that Mr Ray ate prawns right from my very own fingers?”
Remus grinned. “Yeah?”
“Yeah he swimmed right up and slurped them right off and Reggie…well he showed me how to hold him the way Mr Ray likes the bestest and I did it and I think he’s probably my other best friend now. I should see him today.”
Remus laughed and freed one hand to ruffle Teddy’s hair. “I think you should as well. But remember you have swimming with the turtles today too.”
Teddy shifted over, bouncing hard on Sirius’ hips, earning a gruff ‘oomph’ from the sleepy man. “Could I just call you Paddy? Harry says I could.”
“Yes,” Sirius said, poking his face up to smile at the excited boy. “Where’s Harry, anyway?”
“Poking his daddies in the face,” Teddy said mildly.
Remus glanced over and saw that Harry was, indeed, bouncing back and forth between both of his fathers, poking them as they laughed. “Ah. Normal mornings?”
“Mild, actually,” Sirius said with a huffed laugh. “We should get up through. Jamie’s going to want to cook breakfast.”
Remus groaned, then sat up along with Sirius. His back wasn’t as stiff as it could have been from kipping on a camp bed all night, but he didn’t feel great, either. “Well, we’d best get your lungs done then before you eat.”
Teddy groaned and flopped back. “Fiiiiiine.”
Remus sighed. “Now he remembers how much he hates it.” Swinging his legs over the side, Remus rose, gave his back a series of pops, then sauntered over to the machine to find the Red Light of Death blinking on the side. This was the second time he had to replace it, and it was always a pain in the arse—especially if one wasn’t stocked. The special order took weeks, and it meant much more work with Teddy who—still coming off his latest infection—could relapse if Remus wasn’t thorough enough.
Everyone was getting up, though, and Remus quickly gathered the things they’d need since it was clear they’d be heading to James’ for the breakfast. He glanced over at Sirius, who was easing his leg on, and gave his back a flex once he was sorted. Heading over, he held out a hand.
“Can I carry something?”
“Oh me!” Teddy cried. “Could you carry me?”
“Ted,” Remus warned, not sure if Sirius was alright bearing the weight of a six year old.
“But it’s my birthday,” Teddy cried.
Sirius blinked, then held his hands out and grabbed Teddy about the underarms. He swung the boy through the air, up, and managed to land him firm on his shoulders. Teddy’s legs dangled near Sirius’ chin, and he was grinning over at his dad.
“Birthday boys definitely get shoulder rides to breakfast,” Sirius said.
Harry, who was tugging James over toward them, had a very pointed look on his face. “Teddy gets the birthday song, right?”
James grinned sheepishly. “Haz, I dunno if Teddy wants the birthday song.”
“I do!” Teddy said firmly.
James scrubbed his face. “Alright. When we get to the house.”
More than curious about the birthday song, Remus gathered up their things, and the six of them made their way across the grounds, to the Potters’. Inside, Harry again demanded the birthday song as Sirius let the boy slip to the ground, and Remus leant over. “What’s the birthday song?”
“It’s this mad little thing we do for Hari,” Sirius muttered. “It’s this…we sing to this tone I’ve got on my mobile and erm…”
“Daddeeeeeeee,” Harry shouted.
James nodded at Sirius who pulled out his mobile and started a tune Remus hadn’t heard before. Then the three of them—Regulus, James, and Sirius—began to sing off-key, over and over, “It’s your birthday, Teddy!”
Teddy giggled as Sirius grabbed the boy, pulling him over and grabbed both arms. “Now air-guitar solo,” Sirius cried as guitar sounds began to play. He used Teddy’s arms to mimic a guitar for a moment with the laughing boy, before spinning him over to James.
“Rib piano!” James shouted, then tickle Teddy on the ribs like they were piano keys.
When that was done, he was passed to Regulus who flipped the boy onto his back on the sofa, and picked up his feet, drumming them on the cushion in a pattern. “Air drums!”
They went into another chorus, then finished off with a rounding, “Happy birthday to you,” melody.
Teddy was laughing to tears by the time it was over, and flung himself at Sirius as he started to cough and laugh at the same time. Remus quickly grabbed the nebuliser, as everyone settled, his head spinning at the sheer and utter joy on his son’s face, even as he was gasping for air.
Sirius looked concerned as he rubbed Teddy’s back, but Remus waved him off as he added the meds to the small cup, and started it. He beckoned his boy over, strapping the mask on as he settled Teddy between his legs. Cupping his hand, he began the rhythmic pounding on his back.
James watched for a few moments, looking confused. “He alright? Did that…was that too much?”
“No,” Remus said with a soft smile. “His vest machine broke this morning so it’s manual. It’ll take a while though, so if you need to get things sorted…?”
Instead of hurrying off, James settled onto the floor next to Teddy and poked him gently on the cheek just to the side of the mask. “Happy birthday, kiddo. Good so far? Do you feel very old? I mean you’re what, sixteen, seventeen?”
Teddy giggled, sounding a bit silly with Remus pounding rhythmically on his back. “I’m six!” he cried.
“Oh. So I’d better take back that motorbike I got you, eh?”
“I want it!” Teddy cried.
“How about in ten years, eh?” James asked, cupping the boy’s cheek fondly.
Teddy sighed. “Yeah. I guess. But I want it.”
“I think we’ve some fun stuff planned. How do you feel about eggs and tomatoes and fruit for breakfast?”
“I just kind of like apples,” Teddy said. “But tomatoes are yummy. And I guess maybe some eggs.”
James chuckled. “Alright. How about I go make you some delicious birthday breakfast?”
“Okay.” Teddy grinned up at him fondly, and lifted his head up as James gave him a forehead kiss. Remus was mildly startled when he got one of his own, feeling a blush hot across his cheeks which didn’t get any better when Sirius sat down behind him and wrapped himself round Remus’ back.
“Does this throw you off?”
Remus smiled as he shook his head. “Nope. So long as the pounding doesn’t bother you.”
Sirius mashed his cheek against Remus’ back and hummed. “Bit soothing, actually. Weirdly.”
“Well at least someone finds it soothing,” Remus said as Teddy began to grumble again about how long it was taking. The boy was quickly distracted by Harry, though, who brought over more books. When Teddy had to lie down on his back for his front to get worked on, Harry laid with him and held a book up for them to read as Remus finished the treatment off.
Teddy coughed a while, then when he was calm, Sirius led the boys into the kitchen for their breakfast, offering Remus tea and a bit of toast.
“That’s every morning?” Sirius asked over the rim of his mug once the boys were situated.
Remus nodded. “It is. I know it’s a bit…off-putting.”
“It isn’t,” Sirius insisted. “Remus, not everyone’s going to find you both a burden. Some people are happy to know you. Whatever that comes with.”
Remus swallowed, and didn’t manage more than a grateful smile as he finished off his tea and toast.
“Alright,” James said, clapping his hands together. “We’ve got some feeding to do, and then papa is going to take you and Teddy to the tide pools. After, I think Crush and Squirt will be ready for the swim, alright?”
The boys cheered as Remus walked over to swipe a bit of tomato seed from Teddy’s mouth. “I’m going to stay with Harry’s dad, alright? You be okay with Reg and Sirius?”
“Oh yeah cos they’re real nice and they won’t let me drowned,” Teddy said in a sombre tone.
Sirius snorted into his tea and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Exactly. No drownings on our watch. Especially in six inch pools of sea water.”
Remus rolled his eyes and knew he didn’t need to point out little boys could easily succumb to six inches of water. He couldn’t put his finger on why he trusted Sirius implicitly, but he could tell the other man cared. About as much as Remus did, and maybe it was fate. Maybe the universe was trying to be less of a sadistic bastard for once in his short life.
He didn’t want to think about it too much, though.
***
An hour later found Remus and James seeing Regulus, Sirius, and the boys off in the beach cruiser. The tide pools weren’t far, but it was a decent enough distance Sirius couldn’t walk on his own. Remus felt a vague discomfort at Teddy being out of his sight with someone who didn’t know him well enough to react—Nym had been there since near infancy and she reacted as quickly as he did—but Sirius and Regulus…
Remus had given them full instructions on what to do should Teddy have a coughing fit, or stop breathing, or anything along those lines. He showed them how the nebuliser worked and his oxygen, but it didn’t erase the doubt crawling like ants under his skin.
He was distracted from it though, as James slung an arm round his shoulders. “Want to walk and talk, or head to my office?”
Remus sighed. “Walking, I think.”
“All nerves?” James asked with a chuckle. “I get it. With his condition, and with Reggie and Sirius near strangers, you can’t really trust them.”
“I can try,” Remus countered. He fell in step with James as they began to peruse the park, and eventually came to a stop near Charlie’s pool. It was massive, bigger than Remus had ever seen, and it extended a fair bit into the wide ocean, though he could see barriers off in the distance preventing Charlie from going too far.
“Listen, I don’t really know how to stay this that will make me sound genuine, so I’m just going to out with it, then we can have a healthy debate before you say yes.”
Remus blinked at him. “Er…alright?”
“I want to offer you a job.”
Mid-step, Remus froze, and stared at the other man. “…a job?”
“Here. With us. I have loads of positions you can fill, and I know your CV is extensive. But I’ve got grant-writing, accounting, reception…hell you could run the gift shop or answer phones or bloody well throw Charlie buckets of fish. But there’s no need for you to carry on with this madness, Remus. Of struggling to live and get yourselves fed, let alone keep up on Teddy’s treatments. The job would come with quarters and…”
Remus held up a hand. “I’m sorry James, but you’re going a bit fast for me. You want me to…have a job. Here?”
James nodded.
“And work for you?”
Another nod.
“And live on the property?”
“When I built this place, we had quarters built for my parents, but they’re too old to travel now. They live in Delhi now and we go and visit a few times a year…but the place is completely empty and it’s perfect for you and Teddy. And before you think you won’t have privacy, I can assure you that you will. It’s far enough away from ours, and the house will be yours. Your rules, your boundaries.”
“James,” Remus said tiredly, rubbing his face. “I appreciate it. I do. But there are specialists we see in London, and I don’t…I just…” He was thinking of two things—Teddy’s doctors, and Nym. Could he take Teddy away from her like that?
“There are specialists here as well. I looked them up before I decided to make you the offer. I’ll do whatever you need to make the transfer easy. But you fit with us, Remus. You and Teddy. Bloody hell I love that kid and I want to see your life easy because you deserve it. Don’t you think you’ve worked hard enough?”
Remus licked his lips. “Have you told anyone else about this? Regulus or Sirius?”
“I talked to Reg,” James admitted. “He’s my husband and I can’t do this without talking to him first. But Sirius doesn’t know.”
Remus let out a breath. He’d been wondering if Sirius’ insistence that they could make it work was based on this offer, but if he didn’t know…
“I know Sirius fancies you, so it could get awkward if the feeling isn’t mutual,” James said.
Remus shook his head. “It’s not that. I do…fancy him. I do. He’s…there’s…” He didn’t have words for it, so he stopped trying.
James looked at him a moment, then smiled. “You’ll figure it out. For now just promise you’ll think about it. Stay another night.”
“I…”
“Sirius wants to ask you on a date. So stay another night, go on a date. Reggie and I can take are of Teddy for a few hours and just…see if it feels right.”
Remus’ head was spinning, and he looked behind him at a stone bench before backing up and lowering himself down. It was the sort of miracle he’d always prayed for, really. The sort he would fantasise about late at night when he was so tired of working menial jobs just to barely scrape by. Some random stranger would see him on the street, see untapped potential, and for no reason at all, offer to make his life easier.
And now it was happening and he was contemplating saying no?
For what?
“I’ll think on it,” he said quietly.
James lowered himself on the bench next to Remus and reached out, squeezing his shoulder. “I never do this, you know. I mean, I do what I can to be a good person, but I’m fussy about the people I let into my life. I go on intuition, and right now it’s telling me you belong here.”
“I don’t see why,” Remus said with a bitter laugh. “Teddy’s alright now, but it won’t be long before I’m away from my work duties for weeks at a time, sometimes even a month because he’s hospitalised or having another surgery, or in isolation. You can’t actually count on me.”
“It’s not about that. If you think we don’t have this place run like a tight ship already…” James shook his head as he trailed off. “It’s not because we need you to work. It’s because…we need you here.”
“You don’t even know me,” Remus argued.
“Yeah,” James said quietly. “Yeah I do. Maybe not intimately. I might not know your favourite colour or what your A-level marks were, but I know that you love your kid more than anything on this planet—and he deserves that love—and I know you’re lonely but you’re kind and you have a lot of room for loving other people. I know you’re tired and you’ve worked long enough and hard enough and you deserve a break.”
Remus let out a shaking breath and stared down at the hands hanging between his knees. “I’m not as patient as I seem, you know. Teddy consumes so much of my life, of my attention, I don’t know how to …to let other people in.”
“It gets easier, the more you try,” James assured him. He glanced down at his phone and smiled. “They should be back shortly.” Just then they heard the puttering sounds of the beach cruiser, and the pair stood up. “Come on, go tell Sirius to take you out to a nice dinner. We’ll go swim with the turtles now, then Lils will be here with cake and lunch, and then you can take a few hours to just do something for you.”
The idea of being selfish both burned his gut, but also settled into a violent craving because Remus couldn’t remember the last time he’d done anything like that. Long before Teddy was born, and he was certain he never would again. Teddy was his world and he had accepted his life as it was.
But as he saw Sirius sat with Teddy on his lap, heading toward them, he felt something stirring. The very idea that maybe—just maybe—this could work.
***
“Did you see me, Daddy!” Teddy cried as he clambered out of the pool. He was all smiles and bouncing on his feet as he flung himself at Remus. “Did you see me on the turtle? Did you see what I did?”
Remus laughed as he swung his sopping child up into his arms and kissed his cheek. He was vaguely aware of Harry’s mum, the no-nonsense red-head he’d just met an hour before, snapping photos. He glanced over at the pool, looking at Sirius who had his arms propped up on the edge, and he was grinning wildly.
Not just at Teddy’s enthusiasm, Remus knew. But also at the idea that they had a date, and it was just hours away. Remus found himself antsy about it, excited and nervous. The thought of him leaving Teddy again was a tough one, but it wouldn’t be for long. If—and it was a big if—he was going to stay here, he had to learn to trust other people. These people, at the very least.
“How’d you like that?” Lily asked as she strolled up to Teddy with a soft grin. “You know, not even Harry gets to do this very often.”
“I think they liked me,” Teddy said. His teeth were starting to chatter, so Remus snatched up one of the fluffy towels and wrapped him tight. “Can I go again?”
“Maybe later,” Remus instructed. “I think right now a warm bath and your nebuliser.”
Teddy let out a groan, but Harry declared he’d be having a bath as well, and Reg offered to get them into it so Remus could help set up the birthday lunch. It was a little bit of chaos, but the best sort, and Remus wondered if this was what life would have been like had Teddy been given the chance to grow up in a normal family. Immediate family, extended family, close friends. The support Remus had always dreamt of, but had never really experienced.
His had been a lonely adolescence, and lonelier after Teddy had come along.
As he set the table with food and birthday crackers—moving round Lily who was sprinkling confetti on everything, he realised he was going to say yes. It would be difficult to make the change, to adjust to new doctors and being away from Nym, but this was what he wanted.
This was what Teddy deserved.
“So, Remus,” Lily said as James and Sirius went into the lounge to hang up streamers, “what is it you do?”
Remus blinked at her, flushing in shame when he realised he didn’t do anything. Not the way she was asking. “Ah well. I do anything I need to for Teddy.”
Lily’s head cocked to the side. “Well James said you were thinking of taking a job here.”
Remus swallowed, wondering if this was going to be a, stay away from my son sort of talk. “He did.”
“Are you going to take it?”
Remus licked his lips as he placed the last cracker on the table. “I don’t know. I was…considering it.”
“Good.” When Remus looked a little started, Lily chuckled. “I like you. And your kid is really, really great. It’ll be nice to have someone here for Harry to grow up with.”
Remus didn’t want to point out that there was a chance Teddy wouldn’t get to grow up at all. Which gave him pause, because he realised he’d be putting everyone through that pain. His own pain, every time Teddy was ill, every time there was a close call. Every time there was a surgery and he had to face that look on the doctor’s face saying there was a chance Teddy wasn’t going to wake up this time.
“Well they get on well,” Remus said instead of venting all that out. “Teddy really likes him.”
As if on cue, the boys came tearing out of the bathroom, their bare feet slapping against the polished floors. They were giggling, holding hands as they came to a skidding halt in the lounge. “Has Teddy gots presents?” Harry demanded.
Remus had a few in his pack, but he felt his face flush when James nodded and said, “Yep, he sure does.”
There was a hand at his waist suddenly, and Remus turned his head. “The original visit came with some sea turtle items, so Jamie and Reg wrapped them last night from you. We also got him a couple of shirts and stuff, I hope that’s alright.”
Remus licked his lips, then sighed. “Yeah no, it’s…he’ll love it.”
“I nicked what you had wrapped in your case as well,” Sirius said, his mouth very close to Remus’ ear. “If I’m overstepping my boundaries, let me know.”
Remus wished Sirius was. Only because it would make it easier if things didn’t go well. And yet he found himself just happy Teddy was enjoying this birthday. He seemed less fussed about the presents, and more excited about the people there, which made Remus feel better.
The boys settled in front of the Star Wars Lego movie, and Lily started to dish out the birthday picnic on brightly coloured, paper plates. They tucked in immediately, laughing like mad, shovelling food into their faces.
For a little bit, for this short while, Remus saw Teddy as a child without health issues. Without constant worry and waiting on edge for the next time he was in hospital. For that phone call to come in saying that he had a new set of lungs waiting for him—which would prolong his life—but only a little. It would not be a cure. He had just a little over fifty percent survival rate after five years.
Which was better than he had now with the way his lungs were going. He’d reached the point where they were just trying to get by. The treatments weren’t working on the boy’s lungs anymore, and this was really all Remus could hope for.
He looked round the room at all the people who would suffer if Teddy didn’t make it. And yet he reminded himself that they knew. They understood. And Teddy deserved to be loved like this.
Remus hated the conflict, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to just pack up and run back to what was familiar.
Only Sirius’ arm came round him again and led him to the sofa so they could watch Teddy open his presents. T-shirts, the sea turtle books Remus had purchased, a pair of slippers, several turtle stuffies, and a sea turtle hat.
“Cool. I look cool now. Daddy do you see me so cool?”
Remus had an armful of the boy who wedged himself somehow on both Remus and Sirius’ thighs and was holding them both tight. “I see you. You’re the absolute coolest,” Remus said, kissing his forehead.
“It’s true ,Ted,” Sirius replied with a nod. “I’ve met loads of cool people but you’re way cooler than they ever could be.”
“Yeah I think that’s true,” Teddy said. He wriggled off and ran back to Harry who was playing with a few of the stuffies.
“After cake, you want to get out of here?” Sirius asked.
“I need to do Teddy’s treatment, and go over his tube feeding with Reg and James,” Remus said, still feeling all nerves. “But then…then we could. So long as we’re not out too long.”
“Treatment?” Lily asked, who was stood nearby.
“Oh. Yeah, his vest machine is on the fritz,” Remus said with a shrug. “Need a replacement.”
“Can I have a look?”
Remus nodded at his case where he’d stuffed it, and Lily headed over, pulling it out. She took it over to the table and began to fiddle with it, and Remus turned back to Sirius. “I’m sorry for being a bit…I just…I’m not used to leaving him with other people.”
Sirius squeezed his knee. “It’s no worries, mate. Really. But we’re in this together, you know. At least for now.”
Remus allowed himself to lean his head on Sirius’ shoulder, and watched the room. The boys were playing, Regulus was perched in James’ lap in the arm chair, speaking quietly in to James’ ear as James rubbed his back. Lily was at the table still fiddling with the machine, and Sirius’ arm was tucked round his waist.
It was domestic and warm and so wonderful. Remus felt his throat go tight and eyes get a bit hot. When Teddy looked at him and grinned widely, Remus knew that his reservations weren’t enough. They just weren’t.
***
Somehow, before they left, Lily managed to sort out the vest machine. “I’ve worked with these before, actually,” she said as she plugged it in to test the vest. “Sometimes our equipment fails, and we’ve had to kind of…figure shit out.”
Remus had to laugh as he tugged at the shirt James had lent him. He wasn’t fancy—just jeans and shirtsleeves, but he felt out of place. Everything James owned was new, nicer than Remus could have ever afforded. “Well I really appreciate it. It’ll make things a lot easier tonight.”
Lily smiled, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Listen, why don’t the two of you get out of here. I’ll stick round and make sure the boys get settled. You left instructions on how much formula to give, right?”
Remus glanced at the long list of instructions on the table. “I did.”
“So go. He’ll be in good hands. I promise.” Lily turned and clapped her hands. “Teddy, can I help you with your treatments tonight?”
Teddy spun, then jumped up and ran at Lily. “Yeah, okay! Pe-cos you’re Harry’s mummy and he’s my best friend so that’s alright.”
Lily swept him up into her arms. “Exactly. So why don’t you and Hari pick out something to watch, yeah? We can sit and get your vest done, then have popcorn and make a tent in the lounge, alright?”
Teddy scrambled off as Lily grabbed both Remus and Sirius by the backs of their shirts and shoved them toward the door. “Get the hell out. I don’t want to see you for three hours at least.”
Remus attempted to protest, but Sirius had his fingers and was tugging him out the door without even a goodbye to James or Regulus. They both laughed as Sirius rushed him through a small gate, down a path near the beach which led to the small, private parking area.
Sirius’ car was there, next to what looked like a half-built motorbike. “That’s me, next to my baby.”
Remus quirked a brow. “The bike?” he asked as Sirius unlocked his car doors.
“That’s her. I’m attempting to make modifications which would allow me to ride with my leg.” He switched the car on, grinning at Remus as they pulled out onto the road.
The scenery was gorgeous, and Remus found himself watching it as they drove by. Sirius’ hand found his way to Remus’ knee, where their fingers knitted together gently. He glanced over shyly, only to meet Sirius’ gaze, and he couldn’t help but squeeze his fingers.
“Is this as weird for you as it is for me?” Sirius asked.
Remus barked a laugh. “A first date with a man I just met but have already slept in bed with?”
Sirius snickered and rubbed his thumb along the top of Remus’ knuckles. “It seems mad but it feels right. And I’m really putting myself out here, Remus.”
Remus licked his lips. “I know and…well. James offered me a job. And the guest house. And I think I’m going to take it.”
The car swerved just for a quick second, and Remus’ hand flew to the door, bracing himself. “Shite. Sorry. But Christ, Remus, warn a bloke.”
Remus swallowed. “I’m sorry. I thought…it…I thought you might be happy.”
“I am,” Sirius said in a rush, and when Remus tried to pull his hand away, he held on tight. “I’m…thrilled. I’m mad about you and that kid of yours, you know? I didn’t think…I didn’t think it would be this easy.”
Remus sighed and didn’t say much until they reached the restaurant. It was an upscale, modern bistro, some Mediterranean fusion place that smelt amazing and had rooftop seating, poufs found a table, with small fire pits strategically placed. It was the most romantic thing Remus had ever seen, and he felt more comfortable and secure than he ever had, as Sirius settled right up against his side.
“Go on and order for me,” Remus muttered, staring at the menu. “We can share something.”
Sirius was happy to, ordering a handful of his favourite things, and they each got a glass of wine. Their conversation was kept light, the usual date topics. Remus talked about his childhood, his parents, the disastrous relationship with Teddy’s mum and the decision to do it alone.
Sirius in turn talked a bit more about his own parents, about the changes he’d experienced when he moved in with James’ family. Remus understood the loneliness that came from being cut off—even when you had people who loved you, there was an ache when you lost those who were supposed to be there for you no matter what.
But Remus was realising there was something starting to fill that void. And that something was Sirius, James, Regulus, and Harry. It was the occasional appearances of Lily and—he assumed in the future—Marlene. It was watching Teddy experience familial love in a way he never had, but always deserved.
“This is nice,” Remus said softly as he tipped his spoon into a small bit of honey near the edge of his baklava. He was tucked into Sirius’ side, enjoying the heat from the fire, and the gentle cushions beneath them. “Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I did this.”
“Well consider it a first of many. If you’re really going to stay.” Sirius took his hand and gently played with Remus’ fingers.
Sirius turned his head in, nuzzling Remus’ neck with his nose as Remus smiled and let his hand wander into Sirius’ hair. “I’m scared. I’ve never taken a step like this before. But I think it could be good. Stable. And not just for Teddy.”
Sirius reached over, pinching Remus’ chin between his fingers and looked him in the eye. “You both deserve it. And it’s not just you I’m after, you know. I swear it. And before you say anything,” Sirius carried on when Remus opened his mouth, “I know what could happen with Teddy. I read and read and read. Since the moment I met you. But it’s not about us, you know. It’s about him too. And he seems happy.”
“He is happy,” Remus said with a quiet sigh. He lost himself on the feel of Sirius’ fingers on his skin, and just then he wanted nothing more than to kiss him. “Sirius,” he breathed.
Sirius’ hand moved to cup his face, his thumb drawing across Remus’ cheek. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes. God yes please,” Remus whispered.
Then lips were on his, and his hands were fisted into the front of Sirius’ shirt. Sirius’ fingers moved round the back of his neck, then up into his curls, holding him fast. Their tongues moved together, lips dancing across each other’s, and Remus was losing himself hard and fast.
***
By the time they got back to the centre, it was late. Remus had checked in through text a handful of times, and everything was good. Teddy sat for Lily during his treatments, then the boys got more cake and popcorn. James and Reg set up a tent in the lounge, where they were now fast asleep.
“You want to go look at the guest house?” Sirius asked as they headed in through the gate. The moon was bright and full, illuminating their path, and Remus could see the guest cottage sat a few hundred feet from Sirius’.
“Er. Is it open?”
“I’ve got a key,” Sirius said. He tugged on Remus’ arm, then leant on him, limping a bit more than he had been earlier in the evening, but not complaining. They headed to the front door, and Sirius put the key in the lock. “It probably needs to be aired out. Mum and dad haven’t come here in a few years now. Occasionally Marls and Lily will use it but I think it’s been since Harry’s last birthday.”
The door swung wide, and it was a bit dusty, smelling of sea air and damp, but nothing overwhelming. Sirius flicked on the light, and Remus glanced round. It was very cosy, sparsely decorated, a squashy sofa, couple of armchairs near a fireplace which looked like it hadn’t been used in ages. The lounge led to a small, open kitchen with a scrubbed, two-person table.
Remus peered down a hall to several closed doors, then turned back to Sirius who was smiling gently, hands in his pockets, looking almost nervous and shy.
“I know it’s not much but…”
Remus crossed the distance between them, taking Sirius by the front of his shirt, and tugged him in. “It’s perfect. It’s bloody wonderful.”
Sirius took Remus by the cheeks, nuzzling their noses together. “I swear I’ll give you any space you need. And anytime you need me, I’ll be straight over.”
Remus pressed their lips together, and Sirius backed up until he hit the door. Remus pressed their hips together firm and wanting, as they kissed and kissed. “I love it. I…this has been nothing short of a miracle and I don’t even know how to thank the Universe.”
“I think you’re doing a damn good job,” Sirius said from behind a laugh. He brushed his fingers through Remus’ hair again as he pulled away just a bit. “Remus I…”
Remus pressed his finger to Sirius’ lips and pressed. “I know. And me too but let’s…can we wait? Just a little it?”
Sirius nodded, his face pink with a high blush as he pushed their foreheads together. “As long as you need, Remus. As long as you need.”
***
Epilogue
Remus looked up as Sirius strolled into the hospital room, a small sack hanging off his arm. He had his other hand curled round his cane, leaning on it heavily as he waked into the room. Remus was leant over Teddy’s small hospital bed, his hand curled round his son’s limp fingers, and he offered a tense smile.
“Update?” Sirius asked. He dropped the sack, then brushed his fingers into Teddy’s curls, down his cheeks bypassing the tubes taped to his cheeks which were currently helping him breathe.
“An infection settled in, but they caught it before it went into sepsis,” Remus said, rubbing his thumb over Teddy’s chubby knuckles. “They ruled out rejection though. He’s taking to the drugs alright, but he probably won’t be awake for a while.”
Sirius stepped away from the bed, then pulled Remus up and into a kiss. “Go back home for a bit, love. Jamie’s coming down in about ten minutes, so he and I can sit with him whilst you get a shower and some food. Reggie’s cooking.”
Remus started to shake his head, but he reminded himself that this was okay. He and Sirius had been together for a year and a half, properly living together for twelve of those months, and Teddy had even taken to calling Sirius one of his dads now. No one discouraged it. Remus had a partner now, he had help. And it was okay to let go a bit.
He couldn’t help being on edge. Teddy’s health had taken a turn for the worst, and he’d been in hospital for three months now waiting for the transplant. It was the only thing that was going to work. Teddy’s lungs had all-but given up, the mucus produced faster than the treatments could keep up with it, and it was infection after infection until the boy started crashing.
Then, just as Remus was starting to lose hope, they got the call. They had two lungs ready and all Remus had to do was give the consent and Teddy was being whisked back. It would be a long, painful journey of recovery, but it was something. Teddy now had lungs that didn’t carry the CF genes, meaning although the rest of his body would suffer, he’d be able to breathe. He’d have a chance.
Leaning down to kiss the boy on his forehead, Remus then turned to his lover and kissed him on the mouth. “I’ll be back in an hour. If anything comes up…”
“Go, love. Just go.”
Remus and Sirius were currently staying in a hotel close to the hospital, and would be there until Teddy was released. The drive was two minutes, and Remus made it in half that. Racing up to the room, he found Regulus and Harry already there, laying out some take-away containers of home-cooked food from the marina.
“You’re a dream,” Remus said as he lifted Harry to kiss him.
“Is Teddy awake yet?” the boy asked.
“No, and it’ll probably be a few days. And a long while after that before he can swim and play again,” Remus warned.
“Okay but I just miss him,” Harry said quietly. “I love him.”
“He loves you too, you know. A whole lot. And hwo much we love him is how much he’s going to fight to get better.” Remus kissed Harry’s cheek again, then let him back down. As the boy ran off, Remus was dragged into Regulus’ arms, a kiss pressed to his forehead in a very James-like fashion.
“How is he, really?” Regulus asked in a soft voice.
Remus shrugged. “Fighting. He’s infected but he’s responding to anti-biotics. I’m just going to shower and eat, then get back.”
Regulus gave his cheek a pat. “Just take care of yourself. Ted’s going to be fine.”
Remus nodded, trying not to let himself think about what might happen if he wasn’t. Sirius was the man he fell for, but Teddy was still his whole world. He took in a shaking breath, then switched on the water as hot as he could stand it, and ducked his head under the spray.
As the warm water cascaded down his shoulders, Remus pressed his forehead against the cool tiles and let himself cry. Just for a few minutes, just to take the edge off. His stomach ached with the desire to succumb to the sobbing, but he didn’t let himself. He couldn’t let himself fall apart until Teddy was home, sleeping in his own bed, and Sirius’ arms were round him.
That’s what he needed.
Drying off, he dressed and joined Reg and Hari for a quick lunch before he headed back out. He drove as quick as he could, back to the hospital, and when he reached near Teddy’s room, he realised there was a small commotion. He could hear Sirius, and sniffles. Tears.
Feeling fear nearly bring him to his knees, he rushed in and it took him a moment to process. Sirius was leant over the bed, and Teddy’s eyes were open. He looked a bit dazed, and unable to speak due to the tubes in his throat, but he had a small smile and he had his small hand curled round Sirius’.
Remus rushed over and pushed down his desire to yank Teddy into his arms, instead pressing a soft kiss to his boy’s forehead. “Oh kiddo, look at you. New lungs and everything.”
Teddy offered a smile, grabbing Remus with his other hand, and his eyes fluttered closed, but he kept his grip on his parents. Remus looked up at Sirius and let out a watery laugh. “It’s going to be alright.”
Sirius sniffed and nodded. “Yeah. I think so.”
***
A year later found Sirius, Teddy, Hari, and James in the pool. The boys had on their mer-tails and Sirius was showing the boys—mostly Teddy—how to properly swim it and manage to stay afloat. Remus was sat on the edge of the pool next to Reg who was sunning himself in his shorts and swim binder.
“How’d his appointment go this afternoon?” Reg asked, smearing a bit of sun cream on his shoulder.
“Quite well. That new CFTR modulator is working pretty well. Though they want me to up his G-tube feeding to twice a day which he’s not thrilled about. But his weight is steady.”
“Not gaining?” Reg asked.
Remus shook his head. “No, but not losing either.”
The pair laughed when Teddy managed to dunk Sirius under the water, then threw himself at James who grabbed him by the hands and spun him in a circle. “Come in, Reggie!” Teddy called. “Spin Hari!”
Reg smiled. “I’m being summoned.”
He slipped into the water and swam over, just as Sirius dove under, and appeared moments later between Remus’ legs. Remus hissed at the cold drops, but grinned and let his hands run into Sirius’ dripping locks.
“Hey there, you gorgeous thing,” Sirius murmured. He rose up on his toes and kissed him gently as he curled his stump round the calf Remus had in the water. “You really don’t want to get in?”
“I’m good,” Remus said, kissing Sirius once more. “But I might be up for a bath later, if Teddy’s going to hang out with Jamie and Reg this afternoon.”
Sirius dragged his hands up and down Remus’ thighs. “I think that can absolutely be arranged.” He glanced over at the two boys attacking the grown men, and Sirius shook his head. “Never thought I could get this happy,” he said, pushing his wet cheek against Remus’ chest. “But look at them. Look at you.”
Remus laughed, but he couldn’t help agreeing with him. Over two years, and things had been ugly, but they had also been so beautiful. Grabbing Sirius by the chin, he turned his face to meet his eyes, and kissed him gently before whispering very, very softly, “Sirius Black, I love you so much.”
Sirius grinned and nuzzled Remus’ nose with his own. “Oh love, I know you do.”
