Archive of Our Own

Buck isn’t expecting it when there’s a knock on his door.

Eddie’s door.

His door, final answer.

It’s been five months since Eddie left for El Paso, and Buck is still getting used to calling the home his. It just doesn’t seem right. For years, it was the Diaz household. Even if he’s resigned to the fact that Eddie and Chris aren’t ever coming back to L.A. (despite Buck telling Eddie that he was welcome to return and move back into his house literally anytime), a part of Buck will always think of this house as theirs.

He gets up from the couch to answer the door, looking through the peephole first before he opens it. What he sees nearly makes him fall to his knees.

It’s just—there’s no way. There’s no way. Buck’s eyes are playing tricks on him. He’s seeing what he wants to see, because it looks like Eddie and Chris are standing behind the door.

Buck throws the door open so fast it probably nearly comes out of its hinges. It’s them. It’s really them.

He thinks that Eddie says hi, Buck, a smile on his face as he does so, but Buck’s ears are ringing and his heart is beating so loud that he can barely hear him. Then Christopher is stepping forward and hugging him and oh, would you look at that, Buck is crying.

“Hey, Buck,” Chris says, and Buck hugs him back so tight that Chris groans a little.

“Hey, bud,” Buck murmurs, his voice gone crackly from tears. “I missed you so much.”

He hasn’t seen Chris in…god, it’s been a year now. Seeing him like this again, in person, is making him realize just how much he missed having him around.

He looks up at Eddie from around Chris’ shoulder, only to see that Eddie is watching the two of them intently, his smile gone soft around the edges. His brown eyes are wide and sparkling with unshed tears of his own.

Chris lets go of Buck, walking into the house that he left behind so many months ago. Eddie doesn’t waste any time pulling Buck into a bone-crushing hug. Buck doesn’t mind. He’s probably holding onto Eddie just as tight.

He wants to tell Eddie how much he missed him, how much it sucked not having him around. But Buck hesitates. It’s not…it’s not the same, saying it to Eddie like he did Chris. Not while they’re holding onto each other like they never want to let the other go, not while Buck’s heart is nearly beating out of his chest, so hard that Eddie can probably feel it against his own.

Not since Buck figured out he’s in love with him.

It was, decidedly, not a fun realization. Those feelings had been bubbling up inside of him ever since Eddie first told him he was moving to El Paso. Then they had festered, turned into something violent and suffocating when he’d overheard Eddie saying that everything that mattered to him was in El Paso.

In hindsight, maybe he should’ve realized it wasn’t exactly platonic to want to crash out so badly over your best friend moving; to feel like he was abandoning you. Everyone else had understood Eddie’s reasoning behind moving, why hadn’t Buck?

Still, it took another month of being in denial before Buck realized it. Mostly because he just…wasn’t missing Eddie any less. He missed him so fucking much. Hen, Chim, Bobby, they were all able to carry on with their lives. Of course they mentioned Eddie and talked every now and then about how he was doing, but Buck…Buck couldn’t move on. He was living in his house. Everywhere he looked, he saw Eddie. Not even going to work was a relief. No, Buck saw him there, too. Ravi came back to the team to fill the spot Eddie had left open, and maybe it was terrible of Buck to think, but it wasn’t the same. No one could fall into such an easy rhythm with him and have his back the way Eddie could. Buck wouldn’t ever have another partner like him again.

Buck had gone to Maddie’s, mostly to check up on her after everything she had been through, but also…well. Because he needed her advice.

He wanted her to say it was ridiculous. Of course he wasn’t in love with Eddie. Feeling like Eddie had taken all the oxygen with him to El Paso was normal!

That was very much not what his sister told him.

“I’m not in love with Eddie, right?” Buck asked, once they’d been hanging out for over an hour and Buck was sure that she was okay.

Maddie choked on her herbal tea. “What?” She asked.

“I’m not in love with Eddie,” Buck repeated, a little more frantically. “That’s stupid, right? I mean…I would’ve known by now, if I was. There’s no way I’ve been repressing these feelings for so long. Right?”

Maddie took a long breath. “Okay,” she said, like she was steeling herself. “Uh, what makes you ask that?”

Buck swallowed. Looked down at the table in front of them.

“I miss him,” he admitted quietly. “God, Maddie, I miss him so much. It’s not…I’ve had friends move away from me, or friends that I’ve moved away from, and it’s never felt like this. I thought it’d be better by now, but every day without him just feels worse.”

He felt pathetic even admitting to that. But if anyone would understand and not make him feel bad about it, it was Maddie.

Sure enough, her face scrunched emotionally, her hand reaching across the table to hold onto Buck’s.

“I think you know how you feel, Buck,” she told him softly, quietly. “You don’t need me to tell you.”

Buck hated that she was right. His best friend (his straight best friend) was hundreds of miles away and not coming back, and Buck just had to realize now that he loved him. Of course that’s how his luck would go.

Buck breaks the hug now, hoping his cheeks aren’t too flushed.

“What are you doing here?” He asks Eddie, instead of groveling about how much he missed him.

Eddie shrugs. “I’m back. We’re back. We wanted to surprise you.”

Buck just gapes at him. Surprised? Buck is…he’s flabbergasted.

“What?” He murmurs. “But you…I mean…I thought you had everything you needed in Texas. Chris liked it there, right? And there’s the house and your new job and—”

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts him, shaking his head. “I don’t care about any of that. Not the house, not the job, hell, not even my parents being there. Actually, that was one of my reasons for leaving.”

Buck snorts. Yeah, that’s fair.

“Chris never wanted to stay there permanently. He knew I didn’t have the best memories there, but he also…” Eddie trails off, shrugging. “He knew I missed it here. That I missed the 118, and the house, and…”

Eddie looks at him then, really looks at him, and it’s enough to knock the breath clean out of Buck’s lungs. He doesn’t say that he missed Buck, that he was a reason for the two of them coming back to L.A., but…it’s like Buck can feel it. There’s this tension between them, thick and oppressive like he’s standing outside in a Los Angeles heatwave, and Buck knows. He knows. Buck was a reason why Eddie wanted to come back. Eddie came back for him.

The tension abates, slightly, when Eddie speaks again.

“Chris and I both wanted to come back,” he says. “We missed Los Angeles, you know.”

“Right,” Buck says. “Well…let me help you unpack.”

Funnily enough, it isn’t until later that night that the predicament occurs to Buck.

Buck had in fact helped Eddie and Chris move back in. He’d then fixed the three of them dinner, Eddie and Chris sitting at the kitchen table while he did so, telling him stories about El Paso. Where Buck had once hated hearing anything about that city, he now took it in, unable to keep the smile off of his face. Mostly, he liked hearing the chatter of voices while he cooked. Liked that he was no longer alone.

Not long after dinner, Chris starts yawning and decides to go to bed, tired from a long trip. It’s not until it’s just he and Eddie on the couch that Buck freaks out, just a bit.

Because…fuck. Fuck. How is it just hitting Buck now that he is still very much living in Eddie’s house? Eddie’s house with two beds and, now, three people. Buck got rid of his loft. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

He may or may not start hyperventilating.

“Hey, whoa, what’s going on?” Eddie asks him.

“I — shit, Eddie, I didn’t even think about how I’m going to need to get out of your hair. I, uh, I don’t really have a place to go right now, but I could sleep on the couch or find a hotel or maybe Maddie and Chim—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Eddie interrupts, reaching out to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder, like he’s settling him. “Buck. Do you seriously think I’m going to kick you out? You have every right to be here.”

Buck blinks. “I do?”

“Yes, of course. Right now this is as much your place as it is mine.”

Right now. Obviously Eddie wasn’t talking about the two of them living together here forever. That would’ve been…illogical. Stupid.

“Thanks. I’ll, uh, start looking for places tomorrow.”

Eddie shrugs, easily saying, “There’s no rush.”

He says that now, but Buck doubts he’ll be saying that after living with Buck long enough. Living with other people has historically never gone well for him.

“Were you thinking about going to bed?” Eddie asks him a few moments later, when Buck lets out a loud yawn.

“Oh, uh, maybe,” Buck stammers. “I can set up the couch.”

Eddie gives him a look. “What? Buck, I’m not gonna make you sleep on the couch. You’re paying to live here.”

“So…you’ll sleep on the couch?”

Buck feels like he’s blanking a bit, here.

Eddie’s nose scrunches in distaste. “Uh, I’d rather not. I mean, I’m okay with sharing the bed if you are.”

Buck is pretty sure his brain shuts down completely at those words. Because…what? Sharing a bed? With Eddie? How the hell is that supposed to be something he does while fully aware of the fact that he’s in love with him?

Yes, they’d shared the bed in Buck’s loft together during the pandemic, but that’s different. Buck didn’t even know he liked men back then, much less Eddie.

He was being tested. Buck had no idea by who or what, but that had to be the reason why he had found himself in this situation.

“Okay,” Buck agrees, probably completely failing at trying to sound cool.

It gets worse once they’re actually inside the bed, because of course it does.

Buck takes the right side, Eddie the left, which is…okay, that’s nice, at least. Like they’re compatible in that way. But once Buck is under the covers and Eddie is lying next to him, he feels like…he can’t move. He can’t move because then he might roll over onto Eddie’s side and make things weird and—

“Buck. I swear, man, I can hear your thoughts.”

Buck looks over at the sound of Eddie’s voice, his breath catching in his throat when he sees that Eddie is on his side, fully turned toward Buck.

Buck tries to tell himself this is fine. Fine. He’s in bed with the man he’s in love with who doesn’t love him back because he’s straight, why wouldn’t it be fine?

“I don’t—I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he admits quietly.

Eddie’s face twists in confusion. “Me? Buck, you’re the one who looks like you’re scared to move right now.”

Huh. Well, he has a point there. Slowly, Buck turns on his side so that he’s facing Eddie as well. He’s met with Eddie smiling at him, a sight so welcoming and warm that it makes Buck’s heart flutter in his chest.

“See?” Eddie says quietly. “Not so bad, right?”

No, Buck thinks, but doesn’t say out loud. Not bad at all. In fact, it’s really nice. That’s the problem. Buck doesn’t want to get used to this. It’s not his to keep.

“Night, Eddie,” he murmurs, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

“Night, Buck.”

Buck turns the lamp on his nightstand off and turns onto his other side, facing away from Eddie.

When Buck wakes up, naturally, it’s to the sight of Eddie’s sleeping face in front of his. Luckily, Buck had managed to stay completely on his own side of the bed, as did Eddie, but their bodies are still turned toward each other. Buck takes a moment to admire the sight in front of him. There’s a lightness to Eddie in his sleep that Buck hasn’t seen in a long time. Not just because he hasn’t seen Eddie in a while, but because Eddie always looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders once Chris left. All that guilt weighing him further and further down. Now, he sleeps easy, long eyelashes fanned out on his cheeks and mouth the slightest bit open as he lets out quiet, steady breaths. His hair is soft and messy, a dark contrast against the white of his pillow. A strand has fallen onto his forehead, and Buck wants so badly to reach out and tuck it behind Eddie’s ear that his fingers twitch.

He gets up to make breakfast instead.

Once again, he can’t get used to this; falling asleep next to Eddie, waking up to Eddie’s beautiful sleeping face. It’s not Buck’s to get used to. It’ll never be Buck’s.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he barely notices Chris joining him in the kitchen. It’s only when he hears a “morning, Buck” that he looks up from the pancake batter he was mixing.

“Oh, hey,” Buck greets. “I’m making chocolate chip pancakes, but do you want something to drink in the meantime? I have juice, or milk.”

“Juice is good,” Chris says as he sits down at the kitchen table.

Buck gets a couple of glasses out of the cabinet, then opens the fridge for the carton of orange juice. He pours two glasses, one for him and one for Chris, setting Chris’ down on the table in front of him. He smiles when Chris thanks him, then gets back to cooking.

“You sleep okay in your old bed?” Buck asks him.

“Mhm,” Chris hums. “I missed it, actually. My bed in El Paso was kind of lumpy.”

Buck snorts, amused. He measures out the batter for his first pancake and pours it into the pan on the stove.

“What about you?”

“Hm?” Buck asks distractedly.

“I mean, you slept in Dad’s room, right?”

Buck quickly looks over at him, his face growing warm like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Which is stupid, because it’s not like anything of the sort happened. He doubts that’s even what Chris was implying—he was just stating a fact, really.

“Uh, yeah,” Buck confirms. “It’s…well. I’m in a bit of an awkward situation, here. Your dad told you I got rid of the loft, right?”

Chris nods.

“So, I don’t really have anywhere else to go for the moment. Your dad said it’d be okay if I stayed here while I look for a new place. Would that be okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course,” Chris says immediately.

Buck smiles, touched at how Chris didn’t even have to think about it. He focuses back on the pancake he’s cooking, flipping it over to reveal that the top of it is only slightly burnt. That’s okay, that one will just be his.

“I don’t know how Dad puts up with your snoring, though.”

Buck gasps. “It’s not that bad!”

“I could hear you from my bedroom while you were on the couch, Buck.”

“What could you hear?” Eddie asks as he walks into the kitchen, sleepily rubbing at his eyes.

Buck focuses on plating the first pancake and pouring the next one so he doesn’t get distracted by how cute a groggy, just-woke-up Eddie is.

“Buck’s snoring,” Chris replies dutifully.

“Hm,” Eddie hums, getting a glass out so he can pour his own cup of orange juice. “I must’ve been really tired. Didn’t even notice it.”

Buck gives Chris a triumphant grin, which is of course met in turn with a truly impressive eye roll.

It’s a nice morning. A really nice one.

It should probably be surprising, how easy it is for them to fall into a rhythm while living together, but it truly isn’t. Of course it comes easy to them. They know each other inside and out, they trust each other, they enjoy spending time with one another. It just makes sense that living together would feel like a natural progression.

Eddie and Chris had come back at the end of May, once Chris’ school let out. That means that Chris is on summer vacation. Eddie stays with him for the first week or so while he waits for his paperwork to be accepted about returning to the 118, but once it is, he calls Carla to see if she can go back to watching him a couple days out of the week.

“Why can’t I just stay home alone?” Chris whines.

“You don’t know how to cook,” Buck tells him. “And with the hours that your dad and I work? You’d starve.”

“Would not,” Chris grumbles under his breath.

Buck shares a look with Eddie. Like both of them are thinking yes, he would.

Despite Chris’ initial complaining, Buck can tell he’s happy to see Carla again. Hell, Buck is too, even if she gives him a look when Buck explains their current living situation to her. Buck doesn’t ask what she means by it, and Carla doesn’t tell him, which is probably for the best.

He and Eddie try to schedule it so there’s one day where one of them is working while the other is off and can spend time with Chris. Usually, Buck would hate working without Eddie, but there’s something about knowing that he gets to come home to him and Chris that makes it okay. It’s something to look forward to on his Eddie-less shifts.

He’s on the last hour of a 12-hour shift when he gets a text from Eddie. Buck opens it, having to bite down on his bottom lip as he smiles down at his phone. It’s a picture of Chris adding toppings to a homemade pizza, the cheese and dough not yet cooked. The text itself reads:

Homemade pizza night :) yours will be ready for you when you get home!

I’ll have pepperoni and mushrooms on mine please!

Cmon buck. You act like I don’t know that

Buck must be smiling pretty stupidly at his phone, because Bobby joins him at the table, his expression curious.

“Whatcha looking at?” He asks.

Buck pulls up the picture of Christopher on his phone and shows it to him.

“Homemade pizza night,” he explains.

“Ah,” Bobby says knowingly. “Always a good one.”

It’s quiet for a few moments, until Bobby speaks up again.

“How’s that going, by the way?”

“How’s what going?” Buck asks.

“Living with Eddie and Christopher.”

“Fine,” Buck says with a shrug. “Actually, better than fine. It’s been really great.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not surprising, right? Eddie and I have always made a good team. We split the housework, and the cooking, and I get to help out with Chris more. I honestly don’t know why we didn’t live together sooner.”

Bobby gets a look on his face. To be completely honest, it’s not too different from the look Carla gave him when he explained their living situation to her.

“But you’re still looking for a place of your own?” Bobby asks.

Buck feels himself be yanked back to reality. Right, a place of his own. Eddie might be okay with Buck living with him for now, but he won’t be forever.

“Yeah,” Buck lies, trying to sound enthusiastic. The truth is, he really hasn’t looked. He knows that’s awful, but he’s been busy. And Eddie hasn’t even mentioned Buck looking for his own place again, always just referring to the Diaz household as Buck’s home. How is Buck supposed to be motivated to find another place when that’s how Eddie is acting?

“Uh, it’s just, hard. Everything is super expensive right now.”

“I’m sure,” Bobby says.

Buck wonders if he knows he’s lying.

“Well, Athena and I are just about experts at house hunting now,” Bobby continues with a laugh. “Let us know if you need any help.”

Buck nods, a little guiltily. “Thanks, Bobby.”

“And Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m always here if you need to talk, okay?”

Buck is slightly confused about why Bobby feels the need to tell him that now, but he appreciates it nonetheless. He nods, smiling.

“Enjoy your pizza night,” Bobby tells him.

He claps Buck on the shoulder before heading back to his office.

Buck does enjoy his pizza night. It’s not the best pizza he’s ever had or anything, but there’s something special about knowing that Eddie and Chris both made it with their own two hands. It has the pizza tasting even better to him.

Still, Buck is exhausted. His shift wasn’t the longest, but it was a busy one with almost no breaks in between calls. Once he’s done eating, he washes his plate and puts it in the dishwasher (Eddie always gives him an affronted look when he does that, used to washing the dishes by hand) before heading to the shower. Once he’s in his sleep shirt and shorts, he all but collapses into bed.

Buck doesn’t even mean to fall asleep, not really, but he must at least doze off, because he startles awake when there’s a gentle hand on his back.

It’s Eddie, also in his pajamas as he sits on the other side of the bed. He moves his hand from Buck’s back, an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Buck shakes his head, sitting up, too. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Rough shift?” Eddie asks sympathetically.

“Yes. I barely had a moment to relax before the alarm was blaring again. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Probie jinxed us a second time.”

Eddie shakes his head. “He’s not a probie anymore, Buck.”

“He’ll always be one to me,” Buck murmurs under his breath, causing Eddie to let out a sigh that sounds equal parts exasperated and fond.

Buck goes to stand up to get a glass of water before bed, though he’s stopped by a sharp pain in his knee. He sucks in a breath, his grip tightening on the bedsheets beside him.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asks immediately.

“My knee,” Buck explains.

“What—does it hurt? What’s wrong with it?”

Buck nods. “It doesn’t usually bother me, but sometimes after long shifts it acts up a little.”

“What do you do when it acts up?”

Buck can already see Eddie shifting into medic mode. In an instance, he’s off the bed and standing in front of Buck.

“There’s a cream in my nightstand, I like to put that on it. I’ll usually take some ibuprofen, too.”

Eddie nods quickly. Buck shows him the right drawer for his cream and then takes it from him once he hands him the tube. Buck barely has the cap open before Eddie is out of the room, getting him his ibuprofen.

Buck lets out a sigh as soon as he rubs the icy hot cream into his knee, already feeling a slight relief. He’s just putting the tube back on his nightstand when Eddie hurries back into the room, a glass of water in one hand and two ibuprofen in the other.

“Here you go,” he says as he hands them to Buck.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” Buck tells him even as he takes the glass and pills from him.

Eddie scoffs. “Buck, you were in pain. I’d be a pretty shitty roommate if I left you to just fend for yourself.”

Buck doesn’t say that he’s used to doing exactly that from all the years he’s lived on his own, but he does think it. Instead of speaking, he takes the pills, swallowing them down with a big gulp of water. He sets the glass on his nightstand and then leans back against his pillow with a sigh.

“Okay?” Eddie asks him, as he gets into bed beside him.

Buck nods, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, much better. Thanks, Eddie.”

“‘Course, Buck. Get some rest.”

Eddie’s hand brushes gently against Buck’s arm, just like how he’d done to his back, except this time he moves the back of his hand up and down, up and down, tracing patterns into the skin of Buck’s arm. It’s nice, soothing. When Buck closes his eyes, he falls asleep almost immediately, lulled by Eddie’s soft touch.

With Chris back in L.A., he’s desperate to catch up with all of his friends again that he hasn’t seen in a year. What that means is a lot of sleepovers. Buck doesn’t mind, really, and he knows that Eddie doesn’t either. They even try to make it so they have shifts on the days and nights that Chris isn’t at home, so that their days off align with when Chris is back home.

One night, in a rare turn of events, they both have off while Chris is at a sleepover.

“Should we do something?” Eddie asks Buck. “I feel like we should do something.”

“We could go grocery shopping.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment before he laughs, caught off guard. “What?”

Buck shrugs, shy smile on his lips. “I don’t know, I was just thinking of things we need to do while we’re off. What if we went grocery shopping, got the ingredients for a home cooked meal, and then came back here and cooked it together?”

Eddie smiles warmly. “Okay, let’s do that.”

They decide to divide and conquer at the grocery store. Buck makes two lists, one for Eddie and one for himself. Buck picks out the produce they need for the meal (for salad and a chimichurri sauce), while Eddie picks out the steaks and fingerling potatoes. They reunite at the check out line, Eddie also having two cartons of ice cream and chocolate covered pretzels in his cart. Buck raises an eyebrow at him, which causes Eddie to let out an indignant huff.

“They looked good!” He defends himself. “And I got you the frozen yogurt Ben & Jerry’s you like, so you can’t even complain.”

Buck wasn’t planning on complaining, actually. Instead, he smiles, biting down on his bottom lip so he doesn’t look too fond.

When they get back home, they immediately get started on dinner. Eddie chops up the peppers, mushrooms, and onions, while Buck preps the potatoes and seasons the filets. They move easily around each other, not once getting in each others’ way.

Buck is hit suddenly with the thought that it’s quite domestic, actually. Cooking a meal together. Chatting about their day and their job and Chris while they do so. Buck had poured them each a glass of red wine before they got started, and he sips on it now at his place by the stove, overwhelmed by how…romantic this feels. Buck has had dates exactly like this, though oftentimes not nearly as enjoyable and natural as his time with Eddie has been.

Eddie looks up at him then, a small smile on his face when he sees that Buck is already looking at him.

“You okay?” He asks softly.

Buck nods. Downs the rest of his wine. “Good. All good.”

Dinner is delicious. Salad to start off with, followed by steak kabobs dipped in a chimichurri sauce with potatoes on the side. But Buck can’t shut his brain off. He keeps sneaking glances at Eddie, his face heating when Eddie takes a bite and lets out a moan at how good the food tastes. This might actually be torture. Buck is dying.

And it doesn’t even get any better! Once the kitchen is cleaned up and the leftovers are put away, they migrate over to the couch to watch some mindless action movie on Netflix. Eddie sits down on one side of the couch and Buck sits down on the other, putting some distance between them.

Eddie, of course, looks at him like he’s insane.

“Why are you all the way over there?”

“Uh,” Buck hesitates. “I don’t know?”

“Here,” Eddie says, scooting closer and giving Buck’s knee a pat. “You can stretch your legs out. Rest them in my lap.”

Buck freezes. “Um. Are you…sure?”

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie says. “It’ll be more comfortable for you, and I don’t mind.”

So that’s how Buck finds himself with his legs stretched out, his knees resting in Eddie’s lap as he props his head up on the arm of the couch, head turned toward the tv. After a few minutes, Eddie’s fingers start lightly massaging his bad knee, like he’s trying to get rid of any possible pain that Buck might be feeling.

Buck thinks he might get choked up at the gesture. It’s not…it’s not like it’s even that big of a deal. It’s not a big deal at all, really. But…it’s nice. It’s nice that Eddie wants him to be comfortable, that as soon as he knows that Buck deals with pain in his knee, he worries about it and tries to make him feel better.

Buck does feel himself starting to relax, Eddie’s touch soothing him just like it had done the other night. His blinks are getting slower and longer when Eddie quietly says, “Buck.”

He blinks his eyes open quickly, sitting up a little. “I wasn’t falling asleep.”

Eddie snorts at him. “Yeah, sure, bud,” he says amusedly. “I, uh, actually wanted to talk to you about something?”

“Hm?” Buck asks. He feels a chill run down his spine as he thinks about what that could be. Is Eddie going to ask him to move out? Bring up Buck’s nonexistent house search?

“It’s…” Eddie starts, blowing out a big huff of air. He looks nervous. “It’s about me. Something I figured out in El Paso. I wanted to tell you, but I just…I didn’t know how? Or when. The only person who knows is Chris, so I—”

“Eddie,” Buck says softly, smiles encouragingly when those big brown eyes turn to look at him. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay. You can trust me.”

Eddie exhales, nodding his head. “I’m gay.”

Buck feels his eyes widen, his mouth falling open. That’s…well, he wasn’t expecting that. He’s spent so long agonizing over being in love with his straight best friend that he never considered that said best friend might not actually be all that straight after all.

“Eddie, that’s great!” Buck says genuinely. He moves his legs off of Eddie’s lap and leans forward to pull him into a hug, holding him close. He smiles when he feels Eddie’s hands rest on the small of Buck’s back, arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m so proud of you,” Buck murmurs into the skin of Eddie’s neck, having to seriously fight off the urge to take a big whiff of Eddie’s cologne. He always smells so good…

He thinks he hears Eddie sniffle, followed by a “thanks, Buck.”

Buck doesn’t want this to be a sad occasion, so he stands up quickly, already walking over to the kitchen. “We should celebrate!” He announces.

Eddie gives him a skeptical look before following him. “Celebrate how?”

“By breaking out the good stuff,” Buck says, a mischievous smile on his face as he looks back over his shoulder at Eddie.

“Oh, yes, let’s use my expensive liquor to celebrate,” Eddie says, though he’s already getting out a couple of whiskey glasses from the cabinet. Buck follows his lead, checking out the types of whiskey Eddie has before deciding on one that he likes. He pours some into Eddie’s glass and then some into his own.

“To you,” Buck says, holding his glass up in a cheers.

Eddie’s cheeks go that delightful color of pink that Buck loves as he clinks his glass against Buck’s.

“Okay, sure, to me,” he agrees, like he’s embarrassed by even the thought.

They both take a sip from their glasses, eyes not leaving each other as they do so. It causes Buck to clear his throat afterwards, and not just from the way the whiskey burns going down. They head back over to the couch, Buck bringing the bottle with him.

Eddie starts to open up more about his sexuality the more he drinks, Buck listening and watching him intently all the while. He already struggled keeping his eyes off of Eddie while he was sober—expecting him to do so while pleasantly buzzed was nearly impossible. Buck rests his head on the couch cushion behind him, his head tilted in Eddie’s direction as he watches him talk about Shannon, about his parents and their expectations of him, about how he struggled to fall in love with any of his girlfriends. About how he didn’t have any romantic interest in Kim, but just wanted closure from Shannon that he never actually got to have. Buck’s throat feels thick with tears as he listens to Eddie open up to him, feeling like he’s finally seeing who his best friend really is, after all this time. No guard up, no barriers, just Eddie.

And Buck loves what he sees. He did before, but seeing the real him makes Buck feel even more in love with the man sitting next to him.

“Sorry, you didn’t ask for all that,” Eddie laughs wetly once he’s done speaking, rubbing his shirt sleeve over his watery eyes.

“What?” Buck asks indignantly. He lifts his head up from the couch, the room going a little spin-y as he does so, and…okay, maybe he’s slightly past buzzed. “Don’t apologize. I want to know everything about you.”

Eddie looks over at him then, his brown eyes wide and searching. “Buck,” he says softly, and Buck nods, not even sure what he’s agreeing to. He just likes the sound of his name coming from Eddie’s mouth.

“It’s late,” Eddie says after a moment, letting out a sigh. “And we’re drunk. We should go to sleep.”

Buck doesn’t know why he’s disappointed. It’s not like…just because Eddie’s gay doesn’t mean he wants Buck. It’s probably, like, homophobic to think that.

“Yeah,” he agrees, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

They go through their usual nighttime routine, just a little slower than usual because of the booze. By the time they’re in bed, Buck feels exhausted, like he wants nothing more than to sleep for several years. He feels Eddie crawl in next to him, so close this time that Buck can feel his body heat. He’s so warm, always running hot while Buck runs cold. Buck wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist and hold on tight, to bury his head in his neck and breathe him in as he sleeps.

Something along those lines must be written all over Buck’s face, because Eddie sighs, moving a little closer so his arm is thrown around Buck’s waist. He rests his head on Buck’s shoulder, all the while Buck’s breathing coming to a complete halt in his chest.

“Is this okay?” Eddie whispers.

Buck wraps an arm around Eddie’s waist in response, all of the tension seeping out of his body as Eddie lets out a comfortable sigh and cuddles closer to him.

“Yeah,” Buck murmurs. “‘Course it is.”

They don’t go back to sleeping on their own side of the bed after that.

The whole ‘not working as many shifts with Eddie’ thing is all fine and good until Buck gets a call from Bobby telling him that Eddie was hurt on a call.

Buck doesn’t even stay on the phone long enough to find out the extent of the injury. Bobby tells him the name of the hospital he’s at and then he and Christopher are in the car, heading straight there. He doesn’t want to concern Christopher (so maybe he actually should’ve asked what was wrong with Eddie), but he also can’t help being worried out of his mind for Eddie.

It takes all of Buck’s strength not to break every traffic law as he drives the two of them to the hospital. If it was just him in the car, he thinks he would have.

He parks in a handicapped parking space for Chris, the two of them hurrying as much as they can into the hospital lobby. Buck feels completely out of breath by the time he’s standing in front of the front desk, like he just ran here instead of drove.

“I’m—I’m here for Eddie Diaz,” Buck pants out.

The lady sitting in front of him raises an eyebrow at how clearly out of sorts he is.

“What’s your connection to Mr. Diaz?” She asks.

Buck’s mind completely fucking blanks. Best friend? Work partner? What the hell even works in describing what Eddie is to him?

“I’m—he’s—we live together,” Buck says, grimacing a little once the words leave his mouth. He didn’t mean to say that. Eddie isn’t just a roommate to him.

Chris clears his throat from where he’s standing next to him. Luckily, Buck’s brain is working enough to understand what he’s trying to say.

“This is his son!” Buck exclaims, placing a hand on Chris’ shoulder in a ‘see, here’s a blood relative!’ type of way.

The lady at the front desk at least looks a little amused. It’s better than her looking pissed off, Buck thinks.

“He’s in 106,” she tells them. “You’re free to visit him.”

Buck lets out a relieved breath. “Thank you,” he breathes, walking with his arm on Chris’ shoulders as he leads him to the room Eddie is in. He’s glad that it’s 106–that means he’s on the ground floor level, which isn’t too far away from them.

It’s only a few minutes later that Buck is practically bursting into the room, his eyes frantic as they take in the sight of Eddie in the hospital bed in front of him. Eddie gives him a wide eyed look, his gaze going from Buck to Christopher slightly behind him.

“Buck? What are you two doing here?”

“Eddie, are you—Cap said you were hurt and—”

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts, slowly holding up his hand. Buck takes in the small brace around his wrist. “It’s okay. Just a sprained wrist. Nothing too serious. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll be out of here any minute now.”

Buck takes his first full breath since Bobby called him, pressing a hand to his forehead in relief.

“Bobby didn’t tell you what my injury was?” Eddie asks, clearly confused.

Buck winces. “Um. I maybe hung up as soon as I found out what hospital you were at?”

“Buck,” Chris groans behind him, at the same time Eddie starts giggling into his non-injured hand.

“I know, I know,” Buck relents. “I just—God knows we both have a terrible track record when it comes to work injuries. I couldn’t help immediately thinking something was seriously wrong.”

Eddie’s face softens. “I’m okay,” he reassures Buck, his voice warm and low. Like it’s just for him.

Buck nods, his smile small and a little shaky as all of the adrenaline from earlier flows out of him.

Chris sighs long-sufferingly, standing next to Buck. “Are you two sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?”

“What?” He and Eddie ask at the same time, causing them both to grin at each other.

“Ugh,” Chris grumbles with a roll of his eyes. “Never mind. Can we get lunch in the cafeteria?”

Eddie snorts in amusement. “Nice to see you were worried about your old man.”

“Of course I was worried,” he argues, though he then smiles a little deviously. “Although I think Buck was worried enough for the both of us.”

“Okay,” Buck cuts in, not liking where this is going. “Let’s go get something to eat. Your dad should be cleared by the time we’re done.”

“Can you get a sandwich for me, too?” Eddie asks.

Buck nods. “Yeah, you got it.”

He and Chris walk out of the room, looking at a directory to see where the cafeteria is before heading there. It’s on the walk there that Chris says, very seriously, “Buck?”

Buck looks down at him, his face open. “Yeah?”

“Are you in love with my dad?”

Buck stops in his tracks, the question catching him so off guard that he starts choking on his own saliva. At least he’s in a hospital if he chokes to death or his heart stops beating.

“Chris, what—why would you—”

“Buck,” Chris says, giving him a knowing look. It strikes Buck then, amidst his panicking, how much Chris has grown since he first met him. He’s not a little boy anymore. He can pick up on things now. Hell, he’ll be fifteen this September, despite how much it hurts Buck’s heart to admit that.

“I won’t tell him, I promise,” Chris swears, like he’s trying to console him.

“I don’t like the thought of you and I keeping something from your dad,” Buck admits sheepishly.

“Dad and I keep things from you, too.”

“What?” Buck asks indignantly. “And what exactly is that?”

Chris grins, all teeth. “Can’t say.”

Buck shakes his head, unable to help his small huff of amusement. “I’m not sure when you turned into a little brat, but I’m blaming it on your grandparents.”

Chris snorts at that, before his face gets earnest again. “So? Are you?”

Buck sighs. He can’t help feeling like telling the person who Eddie is closest to about this, besides Buck himself, is a mistake. One that’s going to blow up in Buck’s face. But it’s not like he can lie to Christopher.

“Yes, Chris,” he says quietly. “I’ve…well. I’ve probably been in love with him for a very long time. I just didn’t realize it until he was in El Paso.”

Chris smiles, clearly pleased that he was right. They continue their walk to the cafeteria, Chris casually adding, “You should tell him.”

Buck shakes his head. “Chris…”

“I’m just saying! You guys are, like, practically already married, anyway.”

“We are not,” Buck denies.

“Yeah, okay,” Chris says, with all the sarcasm of a typical fourteen year old. “That’s why you rushed us to the hospital over a wrist injury.”

Luckily they get to the cafeteria after that and Chris drops the subject, his interest shifting to what he can get to eat.

Buck is uncomfortably aware of the fact that he probably just acted like a frantic husband. That doesn’t mean that Eddie feels that way about him. He can’t risk all that he has right now by telling him how he feels. Maybe one day, when he’s sure that Eddie returns his feelings, but until then…Buck is happy with what he has. He really is.

Life goes on, as it so often does.

Summer starts to come to a close, which means back-to-school shopping. Buck and Eddie are discussing what they’re going to have to get for Chris during some free time between calls at the station.

“He said he wants a new pair of sneakers,” Buck says apologetically.

Just as he expected him to, Eddie sighs dramatically.

“I just got him a new pair before he started eighth grade. That was only two years ago!”

“He specifically mentioned that your parents wouldn’t buy him a new pair,” Buck adds.

“Of course he did,” Eddie sighs. “Because that means I’ll be the cool parent if I buy them for him.

“Well, at least you know his tricks,” Buck says sagely.

It’s quiet for a moment between them. Buck feels a smile start to grow on his face.

“You’re going to buy him the shoes, aren’t you?”

Eddie groans, putting his face in his hands. “Yes.”

“Well, we could split the cost, if you want,” Buck offers.

Eddie looks up at him, giving him that wide-eyed look that Buck has come to recognize as Eddie being in disbelief that Buck would do something for him like this. Which is funny, because Buck is pretty sure Eddie could look at him with those big brown eyes and Buck would immediately cave, no matter what it was that Eddie wanted.

“Buck, you don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t have to,” Buck responds. “I want to. Okay?”

Eddie sighs like he’s put out, but Buck can still see the appreciation on his face. “If you insist,” he says, then squeezes Buck’s hand with a quiet thank you.

Buck is still buzzing from Eddie’s hand in his when Chim and Hen walk over, sitting down at the table with them.

“What are we talking about?” Chim asks.

“Back-to-school stuff for Chris,” Buck explains. “Eddie and I are going halfsies on a new pair of sneakers for him.”

Hen and Chim both glance at each other, a glint in their eyes that Buck doesn’t quite understand but is fearful of all the same. They look like they’re scheming. Buck is well aware of the scheming glint, because he and Eddie have had it multiple times in the past.

“Karen and I were just talking about back-to-school shopping for Denny and Mara,” Hen pipes up. “Maybe we all could go together before the semester starts.”

“That’d be great,” Eddie agrees brightly. Clearly, he is not aware of the scheming glint in the way that Buck is.

“What about you, Chim?” Hen asks. “You and Maddie talking about doing any shopping for Jee?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Chimney agrees. “She starts kindergarten this year.”

Eddie sighs. “They grow up so fast.”

Buck certainly isn’t thinking about how he just had that very same thought about Christopher the other day. Definitely not.

“That’s nice of you to pay for half of it, Buck,” Chim tells him.

Buck shrugs. “No big deal.”

“Maybe you two should get a joint bank account,” he adds, only to be shoved in the side by Hen’s elbow with an ow!

“Funny,” Buck deadpans.

The sad thing is, he probably would get a joint bank account if Eddie asked him to. Eddie would take one look at him with those pleading puppy dog eyes of his and Buck would be falling over his own feet, saying yes Eddie of course Eddie let’s merge our bank accounts Right Now Eddie.

Fortunately, Eddie doesn’t look like he’s jumping over himself to merge bank accounts with Buck, when Buck glances over at him. He’s already looking at Buck, a faint smile on his lips, clearly amused. Buck smiles back a bit helplessly, his stomach fluttering when Eddie’s smile grows wider.

“O-kay,” Chim says, stretching out the O sound. “We’ll leave you guys to it.”

Buck barely even notices them walking away.

After that, it’s the first day of school that creeps up on them. Buck has gotten so used to having Chris around during the day, to fixing breakfast for him at 9 or 10 a.m., that it’s a completely new routine that he has to get used to. It’s particularly hectic when he and Eddie both have a morning shift right after dropping Chris off at school. They have to make sure that they’re ready and the kid is ready.

“You have your book bag?” Buck checks, ignoring Chris’ long-suffering sigh.

“Yes, Buck.”

“And you have all the books you need in it? Paper and folders? Things to write with?”

“Yes.”

“The lunch that your dad made you?”

“Got it, Buck. Can we get going?”

That’s a good question, actually.

“Where’s Eddie?” Buck asks, only for Eddie to come out of the hallway, looking a bit frazzled.

“Here, I just—I can’t find—“

Buck holds up the tumbler of coffee he’d made for Eddie, perfectly aware that Eddie is one of those people who truly can’t function properly in the morning without a cup of coffee first.

“This?” Buck asks, smiling at the way that Eddie sags in relief in front of him.

“Yes,” he breathes out, his hand reaching out to take the tumbler from him. His fingers brush against Buck’s, lingering for a few seconds, and Buck’s pretty sure it’s not just the warmth of the coffee against his hand that has him feeling hot.

Eddie takes a sip from the cup once it’s in his hand, letting out a pleased hum. Buck made it exactly how he likes it, he’s not surprised that Eddie thinks it tastes good.

“You’re the best, Buck,” Eddie tells him genuinely, before placing his free hand between Chris’ shoulders and guiding him out the door.

Buck lets the compliment wash over him, ducking his head and smiling giddily. He’s the best. Eddie thinks he’s the best.

He then hurries out the door after the two of them, locking it behind him. Buck has the keys because he’s been assigned to Driver by both Eddie and Chris on mornings like this, which Buck can’t say is exactly surprising. He’s always been the one who drives when the three of them hang out. He likes it, actually; likes knowing that he’s looking out for Eddie and Chris, that their safety is in his hands.

They fall into a new routine again, just like they had done over the summer.

Buck doesn’t think much about his feelings for Eddie. Or, well, no. That’s not true. He thinks constantly about his feelings for Eddie, always there, just like Eddie himself. What Buck doesn’t think about is doing anything about his feelings for Eddie. Because…why would he? Buck is perfectly fine with the way things are.

It’s a truly trivial thing that makes Buck change his mind about that. Not a big deal at all. And yet…Buck can’t lie and say he isn’t affected by it; that it isn’t what changes everything.

Buck is on the couch, and he doesn’t even know how late it is, but he must have fallen asleep out here. He’s still adjusting to getting Chris up early every morning, to fixing him breakfast and sending him off to school and then working long hours after that. Buck blinks blearily, then blinks again when he sees a figure come into shape.

Eddie. He’s in a white t-shirt and shorts, his hair messy like he’d been sleeping before getting out of bed. The details of the day slowly coming back to Buck: Eddie had off today. He’d already been in bed when Buck had gotten home around eleven.

“Woke up to use the bathroom and I heard the tv was still on,” Eddie whispers, quietly so he doesn’t wake up Christopher. “Came out here and you were passed out asleep.”

Buck breathes out a chuckle, rubbing at his eyes. “Yeah, I guess I thought I could watch some tv while I had a snack before bed. Didn’t think I’d fall asleep like that.”

Eddie places his hand in Buck’s, helping him stand up from the couch. It’s well known that when Buck first wakes up from a good sleep, his legs sometimes work like a newborn baby foal’s. So Eddie steadies him, one hand interlocked with his and the other resting on Buck’s shoulder.

“It’s late,” he murmurs, his voice gravelly. He brushes his thumb over that spot on Buck’s shoulder that Eddie always seems to gravitate towards.

“Come to bed,” Eddie adds lowly.

Buck’s mouth drops open at the words, his breath stuttering in his chest. He wants to say something, do something, but then Eddie is walking away, going back to their bedroom. Their bedroom. Buck tries to get his breathing under control again, but he thinks he might genuinely be having a panic attack. He doesn’t even know why he’s so worked up, it’s just…it’s just those words. Come to bed. They’re so domestic. And the way Eddie had said them…Buck wants them to mean a lot more than they do. Come to bed so I can kiss you, come to bed so I can touch you, come to bed because you’re mine and I want you to and I know you’ll listen.

They don’t mean any of those things, but god, does Buck want them to. He’s not sure he’s felt this miserable and pathetic over Eddie since he first realized his feelings for him, and of course it’s something as simple as being told to come to bed because it’s late that makes Buck feel like he just got hit in the heart with an arrow.

He follows Eddie into the bedroom, because what was he supposed to do, not come to bed? What he finds is Eddie turned on his side, facing away from Buck’s side of the bed, his breathing even and soft. Like he’s already fallen back to sleep.

It hits Buck, then, that maybe he can’t keep doing this. Maybe he can’t keep playing house with Eddie while nothing changes between them—not when Buck wants him so much that he can barely breathe with it. Not when Buck sleeps in the same bed with him, and works with him, and helps raise his kid with him.

Fuck, Buck is so beyond screwed. He’s in way too deep. How do you even begin to separate yourself from someone who has become engrained in every single aspect of your life?

Buck lies down on the bed, on his side facing away from Eddie. For the first time since their first night sharing a bed together, they fall asleep facing away from each other.

Buck actually does start looking for a place to live after that. In an abstract sort of way. His desire to keep living in the Diaz household mixed with his desire to create distance between himself and Eddie makes it so that all he can really do is look at the houses, not taking any steps further than that.

At least if someone asks, Buck is looking.

It’s on a rare night that Buck has the house to himself (Chris at a friend’s house, Eddie on a shift) that Buck decides to stop pathetically pining over Eddie and actually go out and do something. He ends up at a gay club, a place he’d brought up to Tommy before about wanting to visit, only for him to scoff and say he wasn’t the clubbing type.

It feels good, being here now by himself. He doesn’t have to have a boyfriend to come here with.

(Of course, that thought is immediately rendered moot when the next one that follows is but I wish Eddie was here. Buck is so hopeless.)

He does a couple of shots at the bar, dances, and it isn’t long after that that a man comes up behind him, arms wrapping around his waist. Buck tilts his neck to look at him, grinning at what he sees. He’s a little older than Buck, not quite as big as him but still muscular and built. He has long brown hair and stubble on his jaw that’s really working for Buck. He looks capable, something that Buck has always had a thing for.

It’s not long after that that the two of them are in a booth toward the back of the club, making out like their lives depend on it. Buck has missed this. It’s been…god, way too long since he was with another person. Since Tommy. And constantly being around Eddie means it’s difficult to even find much time to jerk off. To say he’s pent up would be an understatement.

“You want to go back to mine?” Buck asks, his voice breathy as the man’s stubble scrapes down his neck. He realizes, faintly, that he doesn’t even know this guy’s name. Their mouths have been a little too busy doing other things to share that information with each other.

“Yeah,” the guy agrees quickly. “I’m Tyler, by the way.”

Buck breathes out a laugh. “Buck.”

They take an Uber to the house, Buck feeling slightly bad for their driver because they can’t keep their hands and mouths off of each other. Tyler stays wrapped up behind him as Buck tries to get the door unlocked, his lips on Buck’s throat making him giggle and lose focus.

He’s a little drunk, and a lot horny, so maybe that’s why he doesn’t even notice that there are two cars in the driveway when there was only one when Buck left.

Miraculously, he gets the front door unlocked, not caring how loud he is as he opens and then closes it behind himself and Tyler. Tyler’s lips are immediately on his, arms around Buck’s waist as he presses him into the door, Buck melting against him.

“Buck, is that—”

Buck thumps his head against the door in his swiftness to try and get away from Tyler. It feels like slow fucking motion as Eddie walks into the room, immediately freezing when he takes in the sight before him. Buck wants to—fuck, he wants to apologize and grovel for forgiveness at Eddie’s feet, which is stupid, they’re not even together. Still, Buck can’t help the way he feels like he fully just cheated on Eddie.

“Eddie, I—I didn’t think you were home.”

Tyler is looking between the two of them like he’s trying to gauge what’s going on. He must not like the conclusion that he comes to, because his face sours as he tells Buck he’s leaving.

Buck barely notices. He can’t stop looking at Eddie.

He’s faintly aware of the door opening and closing again as Tyler walks out of the house.

“I got off early,” Eddie says, his voice chilly. He then lets out a laugh, a bitter one that immediately has Buck on edge. “I can’t believe you brought some random guy back to our house.”

Buck’s pulse leaps at that, at the possessiveness in Eddie’s voice. Their house. Not Eddie’s, theirs. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” Buck tries to explain. “I never would’ve brought him back if I’d known—”

“What, so you bring people back here whenever you have the house to yourself?” Eddie asks.

Buck’s mouth drops open. How the hell did Eddie even come to that conclusion? “What? No!”

“Good,” Eddie says, even though he still looks completely furious. “Because you’re not allowed to.”

Buck feels a shiver go down his spine. There’s just something about Eddie telling him what to do, in that firm, no-questions-asked tone of his that has Buck squirming a little.

“I’m not allowed to?” Buck repeats. “Eddie, this is my house, too.”

“Yeah?” Eddie says, stepping closer to Buck. Buck swallows, trying to keep up his angry façade. He probably should be angry, Eddie doesn’t really have the right to demand these things of him when they’re not even together, but he’s also…well. Mostly he’s turned on out of his mind.

“Is that what you want?” Eddie asks, his voice mean. “To fuck someone else in our bed?”

Buck’s mouth drops open, his breath hitching. “Eddie,” he says, not even knowing how to follow that up. All his brain is saying right now is Eddie Eddie Eddie. 

“Hm?” Eddie asks him, stepping further into his space. “Tell me, Buck. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Buck manages to get out emphatically. “That’s not what I want. I want—”

He still can’t quite bring himself to say it. But Eddie has to know, right? He has to see it in the way that Buck immediately gave up trying to fight him, in the way that Buck is looking at him.

Eddie backs him into the door, body pressed firmly against Buck’s, and Buck hisses out a sharp breath, instantly ten times more turned on than he ever was with Tyler.

“Say it,” Eddie demands, his voice taking on a desperate edge, like he needs to hear it. “Just say it, Buck, please—“

“You,” Buck gasps out. “I want you, Eddie, fuck, it’s all I think about.”

Eddie is on him in an instance, his mouth crushing against Buck’s in a messy kiss that’s almost all tongue. Buck feels himself melt, a deep sigh of contentment escaping his mouth at finally, finally having Eddie’s mouth on his, his body pressed up against Buck’s. It’s fucking perfect, just like how Buck knew it would be.

“Eddie,” he breathes out, the name ending in a hiss as Eddie shifts, his thigh slotting in between Buck’s legs and giving him just the right amount of friction. “God.”

Eddie sucks on his neck, leaving what Buck is sure is mark after mark, marking his territory in a way that has Buck feeling shivery all over despite how hot he is.

“Tell me,” Eddie says against the skin of Buck’s throat, his voice low and gravelly in a way that has Buck gasping.

“Tell you what?” He asks. It’s a little hard to think right now about anything that isn’t how good his cock feels rutting against Eddie’s leg like a fucking dog.

Eddie’s hands go to his hips, stilling him and taking that friction away from Buck just as quickly as he gave it to him. Buck whines, though the sound dies in his throat at the look that Eddie gives him, an unspoken be quiet in his expression.

“Tell me why you went out tonight,” Eddie demands. “Tell me why you brought him home.”

Buck’s cheeks get even hotter, something he didn’t know was possible.

“I—it was because of you, Eddie,” he admits pathetically. “Because I wanted you, more than anything, and I—I couldn’t have you. I was trying to move on.”

Eddie hums, not even trying to hide his smug grin. He undoes Buck’s belt buckle, then the button and zipper on his jeans. Buck sucks in a breath in anticipation, only for it to come whooshing back out of him when Eddie shoves his hand in Buck’s pants.

“Fuck,” Buck curses loudly, his head thumping right back against the door again. He’s gonna have brain damage by the time this is over, but it’s worth it. He doesn’t even mind.

“How’d that work out for you?” Eddie asks.

“I—I know you want me to say it didn’t work out for me, but—god, Eddie, this is—” He breaks off with a strangled moan as Eddie pulls down his jeans and boxers in one fell swoop, exposing Buck’s bare cock that is hard and leaking, Jesus, he’s so turned on. He tries to continue his previous train of thought, only for the words to die in his throat when Eddie sinks down to his knees.

Buck moans just at the sight of Eddie looking up at him from this angle, his brown eyes wide and dilated, lips parted. Buck is gonna die. He’s certain of it. Or maybe he already did, because there’s no way this is his real life.

“What were you gonna say?” Eddie inquires, gripping onto Buck’s thighs. “This is…?”

Buck really wracks his brain about what the hell he was going to say. It’s bold of Eddie to think every thought he’s ever had didn’t just fly out of his mind as soon as Eddie was on his knees.

“This is everything I’ve ever wanted,” Buck decides on, his voice low, vulnerable.

Eddie seems to like that answer, because he leans in, mouthing at the head of Buck’s cock. Buck gasps in a breath, one of his hands immediately reaching down to run through Eddie’s soft, messy hair.

“God, Eddie, baby,” he moans out as Eddie takes him further down.

There’s a moment where he wonders briefly when Eddie learned to suck cock like this, followed by a second where Buck is absolutely furious at whatever El Paso asshole got to have this before him, but it passes pretty quickly when Eddie starts bobbing his head, Buck’s cock fucking his mouth.

It’s difficult to be upset when that’s happening.

“Yeah,” he praises, his hips rocking just enough that Eddie takes him deeper but doesn’t choke. “That’s it, baby. So perfect for me.”

Eddie’s eyes go half-lidded, a pleased rumble leaving him that Buck feels on his cock. His hips jerk forward of their own accord at the feeling and he feels himself in Eddie’s throat, hot and wet and perfect for one moment, then two, three, until Eddie is pulling away and coughing.

Buck runs a hand through his hair to soothe him, his thumb brushing against a tear that falls down Eddie’s cheek.

“Sorry, baby,” he apologizes, but Eddie shakes his head, grinning a little.

“It’s okay,” he says, and fuck, his voice sounds wrecked. Buck is never going to be able to get this out of his mind. “I liked it.”

“Yeah?” Buck goads.

“Mhm,” Eddie agrees, leaning in to lick a stripe up Buck’s cock before kissing the head of it. Like he…like he really does love Buck’s cock.

God. God. Buck knew he was ruined for anyone else a long time ago, but fuck if this isn’t hammering the thought back home again.

“Eddie,” he whines. “I need—can you—”

He’s so worked up that he can barely get the words out. But Eddie understands. Of course he does. He takes Buck back in his mouth, his fist pumping the base of his cock where his mouth can’t reach. Buck knows it’s embarrassing, but he’s close already, can feel that familiar pressure in his gut, down his back, growing, growing, growing.

“Eddie,” he warns, because apparently that’s the only word he knows right now.

Eddie looks up at him, eyes watery, and Buck has to bite down on his bottom lip hard, his toes curling in his shoes to resist the urge to come right then and there.

Eddie looks slightly amused as he nods, just a small movement that lets Buck know it’s okay.

It doesn’t take long at all after that. Eddie’s rough palm jerks him off, his mouth sucking just right, and Buck comes, slumping against the door with a low moan. Eddie pinches his thigh and Buck yelps, looking back down at him.

Buck immediately gets why he did so. The sight of Eddie swallowing his come is so fucking hot that his cock twitches again in Eddie’s mouth, another ruined moan leaving him. Eddie has to pull off for air, which means a few drops of come land on his lips and cheek. Buck wipes them away as he and Eddie both catch their breath, before he sucks his thumb into his mouth, just to see Eddie’s reaction.

It doesn’t disappoint. Eddie’s eyes get dark as he stands back up, looming over Buck like he’s not sure if it’s okay to kiss him after how his mouth was just occupied.

Screw that.

Buck leans in, and this time, he’s the one who takes control. While he licks into Eddie’s mouth, tasting himself, he switches their positions so that Eddie is the one with his back pressed against the door.

“My turn to make you feel good,” Buck says into Eddie’s mouth, grinning when he feels Eddie shiver against him.

Buck doesn’t waste any time, desperate to get his hands all over Eddie. The good thing is, Eddie is in sweats (which look obscene, by the way, tented in the front and shaping his ass just right), so Buck easily pulls them down. His mouth waters when he sees that Eddie wasn’t wearing any boxers, his cock exposed and hard against his stomach.

Buck spits into his hand and then immediately wraps it around Eddie’s cock, not wasting any more time not touching Eddie. They’ve wasted years not doing this, Buck needs to find out what Eddie feels like, what he sounds like, what he looks like when he falls apart.

He jerks him off hard and fast, just to hear the choked off little whimpers that Eddie lets out against his mouth. It has to be up there for the hottest sound Buck has ever heard in his life. He keeps his eyes trained on Eddie’s face, on his sweaty pink cheeks, his closed eyes, the hair that sticks to his forehead. He looks good, blissed out, and it’s all because of Buck.

“C’mon,” Buck encourages. “Want you to come. Want you to give it to me. It’s mine.”

Eddie sucks in a sharp breath. “Jesus, Buck, your mouth—”

“You’re one to talk,” Buck snarks, grinning goofily when Eddie glares at him.

“I can’t—believe I’m already close,” Eddie says through labored breaths. “It’s never like this for me.”

Buck wants to make it so good for him. He can feel a thrum of energy under his skin, buzzing with the desire to make Eddie feel the best he’s ever felt. He doesn’t even think about it before he’s dropping to his knees and taking Eddie in his mouth, just as Eddie had done for him.

He’s perfectly aware that this was for Eddie’s benefit, but god if Buck isn’t benefitting from it too. Eddie tastes salty in his mouth, cock already dripping precome, and the weight of him on his tongue has Buck moaning just as much as Eddie. He could stay like this, Eddie’s cock in his mouth, the two of them connected like this, for a long, long time. Possibly forever, if Eddie would let him.

“Oh, fuck,” Eddie groans, his hand drifting down to Buck’s curls and pulling. Buck feels his own cock twitch again at the feeling, distantly aware that he could probably go again soon. He wonders if Eddie would let him fuck him tonight, and the thought has Buck taking Eddie’s cock in his mouth even more enthusiastically, getting him all the way down to his throat.

He has more experience than Eddie, knows how to swallow down around Eddie’s cock without choking. Although…the thought of choking on Eddie’s cock isn’t exactly a bad one…

“Buck,” Eddie says frantically. “I—I told you I wasn’t gonna last long.”

Buck pulls off then, grinning at the frustrated whine that Eddie lets out.

“Told you, I want you to come,” Buck tells him, tongue lapping at the precome gathered around the head of Eddie’s cock. “Want to taste you. God, I want it so bad.”

Buck can hear Eddie’s breathing getting faster, his grip on Buck’s hair tighter. Eddie must look down at Buck’s crotch because he makes a surprised sound.

“Are you—are you getting hard again from this?” He asks Buck, like he can’t quite believe it.

Buck nods, sure that his eyes are dark as he looks up at Eddie. “Uh huh,” he confirms, nipping at the inside of Eddie’s thigh. “Thought I could fuck you after this. If you wanted.”

Eddie gasps and pulls Buck back onto his cock right as he comes, his hips moving forward in short little jerks in Buck’s mouth as his orgasm wracks through him. Buck sucks him down greedily, never once breaking eye contact with Eddie as he does so.

Once Eddie’s moans turn to discomfort from being oversensitive, Buck pulls away, standing up so he can nuzzle into Eddie’s neck as the other man catches his breath. Something about being post-orgasm always makes Buck want to cuddle his partners, affectionate and clingy, and Eddie obviously isn’t an exception to this. Buck’s arms wrap around his waist, holding Eddie close to him.

“We seriously need to move away from this door,” Eddie says, even as his hand rubs comfortingly at Buck’s lower back, not making any effort to actually try moving.

“You want to go to bed, baby?” Buck asks lowly, laughing when Eddie’s comforting hand motion turns into a light slap.

“Mhm,” Eddie agrees quietly. “Let’s go to our bed. In our house.”

Oh, Eddie fights dirty. Buck swallows down a gasp, his cock twitching in his pants. He and Eddie are pressed against each other so tightly that Eddie must feel it, because he looks at Buck with a wide grin.

“Yeah?” He presses. “Domesticity do it for you?”

Buck bites down on his bottom lip. “Only with you. I—I want to be yours. For you to be mine. For everything we share together to be ours.”

He doesn’t know if that’s too much to admit. But then Eddie smiles, his face going soft as he pulls Buck into another kiss.

“I’m yours,” he whispers against Buck’s lips, making him shiver. “Let’s go to bed.”

It’s so similar to what Eddie told him the other night, the words that made Buck crash out in the first place. Except this time, Eddie is leading him to the bedroom with his hand intwined with Buck’s, a suggestive glint in his eyes.

It’s exactly what Buck had wanted that night, even better in reality than he could’ve ever dreamed up in his mind. Being able to go to bed with Eddie and have it mean something, to have and hold him, it…it’s overwhelming. Buck feels overcome with emotions.

He doesn’t know what to do with them except tackle Eddie onto the bed once they’re in the bedroom, Eddie giggling at him and saying Buck like he’s put out by him. It doesn’t really have the desired effect when Eddie can’t stop smiling and laughing.

Buck thinks it sounds like the rest of his life. He leans down and kisses Eddie languidly, the first of many, many kisses to come, because this is their bed. Eddie’s and Buck’s.

Buck can’t imagine anything more perfect.

When Buck wakes up, it’s to an empty bed. He has about five seconds to sit up and panic before Eddie walks into the room, holding two steaming mugs of coffee in his hands.

Buck can’t help his sigh of relief, one that Eddie immediately notices.

“Thought you might want this after last night,” Eddie explains, handing Buck his mug. It’s one that he and Christopher had picked out at the L.A. zoo together when he was four or five years younger, Christopher having his own matching one.

Buck isn’t sure if Eddie means because Buck had been slightly tipsy or if it was because he needed the caffeine after all they had gotten up to last night.

His cheeks flush at the thought, taking the mug from Eddie and swallowing a large gulp. His heart only flutters a little at Eddie making it just how he likes it.

Eddie crawls back into bed beside him. He sips at his own coffee for a second before setting it down on his nightstand, giving his undivided attention to Buck.

“Did you…” He starts, biting down on his bottom lip. “Did you think I had left? Because, Buck, we literally live together. There’s nowhere else I could’ve gone.”

Buck huffs, setting his mug down on his own nightstand.

“I know that,” he says. “I just…I didn’t know if you regretted it, or wanted space, or…”

He trails off when Eddie scoots next to him, one of his hands cupping Buck’s cheek. Buck turns to look at him, his breath catching in his throat when he sees how close Eddie is to him.

“Buck,” he says lowly, and even that’s enough to make Buck shiver. “I told you I’m yours. And you’re mine. Remember? I meant that. You’re it for me.”

His fingers trail lightly down Buck’s neck, and Buck has to focus really, really hard on breathing.

“When—when did you figure it out?” He asks.

He’s pretty sure he’s doing a bad job at trying to sound cool and collected, because his voice has already gotten breathy from Eddie looking at him and touching him and saying these things.

Eddie smiles, a little sadly. “In El Paso. I mean, I kind of started to figure it out when you told me you had decided to sublet my house, but…then I was moving, and focused on Chris, and…it wasn’t until things were better with him that it really hit me. How much I missed you. How much I wanted you in my life. In both of our lives, mine and Chris’. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that way about another person in my life.”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes out. He’s overcome with emotion at the words, but Eddie keeps talking.

“Then we were back in L.A., and living together, but I—I couldn’t risk it, you know? And I don’t think you wanted to, either.”

“I didn’t,” Buck agrees quietly.

“I did almost kiss you after I came out to you, though,” Eddie admits with a mischievous smile.

“Oh yeah?” Buck goads him, leaning in closer to Eddie so their bodies are curled towards each other.

“Mhm,” Eddie hums. His hand ends up tangled in Buck’s hair, and Buck shudders, remembering very distinctively that same feeling when he’d been on his knees for Eddie, blowing him.

“Figured it was only right, you know?” Eddie continues. “With you being my awakening and everything.”

Buck lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “What?”

Eddie tugs at his hair in retaliation. “I’m serious!”

“You hadn’t ever…uh. Had thoughts about men before?”

Eddie shakes his head. “I was way too repressed for that. But I guess it’s true what they say. About distance making the heart grow fonder?”

“Mm,” Buck agrees quietly, before a grin grows on his face. “And gayer,” he adds.

Eddie groans, smacking lightly at his shoulder with his free hand when Buck starts to laugh.

“You’re a dork,” he tells him.

“A dork that you love,” Buck sing-songs, flushing when Eddie nods at him.

“Yeah, I do,” Eddie says seriously. “So much. I—I mean it when I say you’re it for me.”

Well, fuck. Buck feels all of the teasing flow out of him, replaced with all of his love for Eddie.

“Same, I…fuck, Eddie,” Buck sighs. “I love you so much. I missed you like a fucking limb. You’re it for me, too. You know that, right?”

Eddie nods, smiling. “Had a pretty good idea when you didn’t give a fuck about me practically kicking that guy out last night.”

Buck groans in embarrassment, burying his head in Eddie’s neck. He then decides to take advantage of the opportunity, pressing slow, open-mouthed kisses to the soft, bare skin there.

“It was hot,” Buck murmurs. “So hot. All I wanted was to be yours, and you…you made me feel like that.”

“You are mine,” Eddie agrees.

Buck bites down, leaving what’s sure to be a mark, because…well. Eddie is his, too.

“C’mere,” Eddie tells him, pulling Buck up by his shirt collar in a way that has him completely blanking of higher brain function. “Wanna kiss you.”

Buck immediately complies, his mouth meeting Eddie’s in an open-mouthed kiss. It’s so sweet, everything about it; the way Eddie tastes like coffee, the contented hum he lets out, the way his body presses closer to Buck’s.

Buck feels drunker on Eddie than he did on any of the drinks last night.

“Wanna do this forever,” he murmurs nonsensically, going in for another kiss as his hand slides down Eddie’s back, palming at Eddie’s ass.

“We should do it,” Eddie agrees.

Buck can’t help his giggle. “We already did it.”

Eddie breaks the kiss, giving Buck a look like he can’t decide if he’s serious or not. He shakes his head with a small smile when he realizes he is.

“Not that. I mean—we should do this forever. We’ve wasted enough time as is, you know? And I already told you, I don’t want anyone else—”

“Wait,” Buck says, as his brain slowly starts to catch up. “Are you—are you talking about us getting married?”

Eddie’s cheeks go that delightful pink that Buck loves, and fuck, he would get down on one knee right now if he could.

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “Don’t we kind of already do everything that a married couple does?”

Buck thinks about nights cuddled up with Eddie in bed. Of cooking together, getting ready for work and Chris ready for school in the morning, cooking together, of sitting with his legs in Eddie’s lap while Eddie massages his bad knee. Thinks of rushing to the hospital after finding out Eddie was hurt, of Eddie’s soft, low voice telling him to come bed. Thinks of pizza nights and taco nights and mornings with chocolate chip pancakes for him, Eddie and Christopher.

“Hm,” Buck hums. “Well. It might be nice to have a joint bank account. And the tax benefits…”

“Oh, yeah,” Eddie teases. “The tax benefits. Please, tell me more.”

Buck presses a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips, can’t fight the urge, before he sobers.

“Eddie…what about Chris? We have to run this by him first, right? I mean, he doesn’t even know we’re together yet.”

Eddie gets a knowing smile on his lips. “I think he’d be okay with it.”

“And why is that?” Buck asks. He remembers, faintly, Chris telling him that he and Eddie kept things from Buck sometimes. He wonders if this is related.

“He’s been well-aware of my feelings for you. He kept asking me to tell you, said we were practically married, anyway.”

Buck laughs. “He told me that, too!”

Eddie shakes his head, fond. “See? Pretty sure he’d be okay with it.”

Buck is having difficulty believing that this is his life. He’s half convinced that he’s going to wake up to Eddie still in Texas, the last few months all just a dream. Especially last night and this morning.

“Yes,” Buck murmurs, just for him and Eddie. He feels giddy, happy and excited in a way that he hasn’t felt in…god, years. Maybe forever. There’s no doubt that he’s never felt love like the kind he has for Eddie. “Of course the answer is yes. I’d marry you right now if our friends and family wouldn’t kill us for not inviting them.”

Eddie laughs, pulling Buck in for another kiss that quickly turns into him kissing all over Buck’s face. “Gonna get you a ring.” Kiss. “And get down on one knee.” Kiss. “Ask you properly.” Kiss.

Buck can’t stop smiling, flushed and happy. “Eddie. I don’t need all that. I just need you.”

“Honey, I want to,” Eddie insists, and Buck is pretty sure his entire body melts at Eddie calling him honey.

“Okay,” he relents without any further pushback.

Eddie smiles at him like he’s aware he just won something by playing dirty, and then he’s shifting them so he’s sat in Buck’s lap, Buck flat on the bed, and well…they don’t do much more talking after that.

(If they whisper fiancé into each others’ mouths more than once, then that’s no one’s business but their own.)