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݁₊ .⟡❀-❀-❀-⟡ ݁₊ .
He likes Ashley.
But he didn’t want things to go in this direction.
He had self control.
He could live without crossing that line with her.
To at least hold on to what little sanity he thought he still had.
But the bitter truth was that sanity didn't matter because, just like Ashley, he was tarnished and tainted.
His body felt unbearably heavy, and every fiber of his being felt fundamentally wrong.
He lay there, surrounded by swirling red clouds and crimson eyes that observed him, as if he were a mere insect awaiting obliteration.
The surface beneath him was reminiscent of a bed of flowers, yet it lacked the softness and comfort of one.
He could sense someone's gaze upon him, their presence palpable; a chilling reminder of his helplessness.
It remained silent, its gaze piercing through the fog of his disoriented state. Andrew managed to make out an unsettling shape, a figure that instilled fear. The demon-like entity seemed to observe him with unnerving curiosity, likely finding pleasure in his predicament.
Andrew didn't argue; he believed he deserved this.
Exhaustion consumed him, leaving him powerless to resist it.
݁₊ .⟡❀-❀-❀-⟡ ݁₊ .
Andrew opened his eyes to find himself staring at the familiar sight of his ceiling. A strange but distinct coldness permeated his body, and a dull ache haunted his chest.
The sense of lead in his veins anchored him, keeping him tethered to the apartment that had now become their refuge.
He rolled onto his side, the movement causing him to wince in pain.
(‘Ughhhh………I drank way too much….’)
His fractured memory could barely recollect the events that transpired the night before. He had been completely inebriated, his consciousness fleeting, as if he had undergone a quick operation he barely remembered.
Perhaps if Ashley genuinely cared for him, he might find a way to reason with what she had just done to him.
He found himself grappling with thoughts he knew were wrong, particularly regarding his sister. Yet, the reality of their relationship was filled with pain.
No matter how much he cared about her, she seemed indifferent toward him.
In her self-centered approach, she took everything she desired from him, not once caring about his feelings or well-being.
And she got what she wanted, which was his body.
He sat upright, his gaze lingering on Ashley’s form, her body left exposed and vulnerable. She lay there without a blanket, her hair tousled and uncombed. Visible signs of their earlier argument marked her body with a collection of colorful bruises as a stark reminder.
He silently reflected on their present lives, the inevitable conclusion of their tumultuous relationship.
This was what their lives had come to.
He will have to live this way for the rest of his life.
And Ashley probably wouldn't bat an eye.
The siblings were trapped in a toxic cycle of hurt, their bond poisoned by their shared darkness.
Andrew got up from the bed, carefully stepping to avoid any noise from the creaky floorboards, he felt consumed by a sense of disgust and self-loathing, a lethal toxin that coursed through his veins.
He grabbed a gun from the wardrobe before quietly closing the door behind him, burdened by the weight of their destructive relationship.
Andrew stood over Ashley, who lay sleeping without a care in the world. As he clenched the gun, a thought slithered into his mind..
(‘ Killing her with the gun would certainly be easier than any other method..’)
He kept staring at her sleeping state, holding the gun to her head.
Seeing her brain matter stain the sheets would make him feel so much better right now.
But that relief wouldn’t last, the guilt would follow shortly after it was done.
At least doing it would be a choice he’d have a say in.
(‘But killing her…it wouldn’t undo what she did to me..’)
With trembling hands, he raised the gun up to her head, but then suddenly lowered it, unable to pull the trigger.
There was really no point to it.
(‘No. No….Let’s think this through…’)
He began to put on his shirt from the closet, but still felt uneasy and conflicted.
(‘ I can’t do this now. I don’t trust myself.’)
It’s fine, he should go have breakfast or something.
Or..take a shower, maybe it’ll make him forget about all this. Clear his head.
Not wanting to wake his sleeping ‘princess’, he finally left the bedroom and went over to the bathroom.
He let the water from the shower head cascade over his body, trying to wash away the weight of his thoughts and any leftover residue from last night. He slumped down onto the stool, allowing the water to rinse over him, attempting to clear his mind, to find some semblance of peace.
He watched the bathroom tiles of the floor get wet, as well as the soap fall with the water.
Lost in thought, time seemed to stretch and warp, creating a sense of timelessness.
He appreciated the temporary peace and tranquility, grateful for the moments of clarity.
If Ashley knocked on the door at that moment, he wasn't sure what to say to her.
Dried off and dressed in his usual attire, he ventured into the living area, leaving his weapon on the table as a haunting reminder of his thoughts.
Time had lost its meaning for him, the world blending into a colorless haze.
The apartment appeared chaotic, littered with telltale signs of their recent activities.
The carpet was stained with flecks of red, and leftover alcoholic beverages sat forgotten on the counter.
Among the mess, unwashed dishes sat untouched in the small kitchen, the ring that he had picked up from the floor and a knife laid next to the gun on the table.
He moved on autopilot, grabbing a mug and hastily preparing a coffee. Taking a seat at the small table, he avoided glancing at the broken chain discarded on the floor next to the couch.
He tried to avoid thinking about the night before, yet the items on the table were a stark reminder of their debauchery.
He felt lost in his thoughts, struggling to recollect or suppress the memories of what had happened between them.
He considered the option of drinking again, but the idea held no appeal, his mind clouded by his current hangover he had.
He didn't want to be caught in that situation again, the feeling of losing control of himself was terrifying.
It was difficult to pinpoint his feelings, as most of the night was lost to him.
But he sought a sense of detachment, desperately trying to distance himself from the events that unfolded between them.
He had tried to communicate his boundaries, but he was intoxicated, his judgement clouded.
He sought to distance himself from those twisted desires, to keep things conventional.
But the events of the night had shattered any sense of normalcy. They were caught in a web of their own making, and he felt helpless, blaming himself for not trying harder.
He was a slave to his own frustration and her perverse persistence.
His lack of guilt didn't stem from empathetic concern for the consequences of their actions, but rather from a fear of being discovered.
Their survival in this unforgiving world meant resorting to desperate measures, but the pain of their actions weighed heavily on them both.
Over time, her paranoia grew, and her sadistic nature took root while his emotions became increasingly difficult to conceal.
Ashley knows him, but she went through with it anyway, even with him trying to push her off, saying that he should stop pretending he didn’t want to fuck her.
…
His thoughts and feelings were a tangled mess, and he couldn't pinpoint how he felt about their situation.
He recognized they had wronged others, but this felt different, more severe compared to their usual transgressions.
Andrew didn't want to dwell on the specifics; contemplating their actions only made his head ache.
Nausea consumed him as he acknowledged he couldn't play the role of a victim, as guilt was replaced by a fear of repercussions.
What happened to him last night, maybe he deserved it.
After all, he never apologized for beating her up before that….
Perhaps this was his punishment, a twisted fate he was forced to accept.
That was his consequence, instead of going to prison like any other criminal would.
The weight of emotions pushed him to hide his face in his sleeves, seeking comfort in the fabric's embrace.
It was better that his mind didn’t recall anything, but parts of his body definitely did…
He wished he wasn’t completely drunk to recall it.
He wished it wasn’t for a dumb reason.
He wished she cared.
He wished he didn’t.
𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥-
“Gooooooooood morning!!” Ashley burst into the room with a cheerful greeting, seemingly oblivious to Andrew's inner torment. Her bruises were fading, but her demeanor remained unchanged.
Andrew avoided looking in her direction, saying nothing.
She chuckled, teasing him, “Hm? Still asleep? Or blacking out already?”
“You know if I did that shit to you when you were drunk, I’d be in jail.”
“ Well 𝐲𝐨𝐮 should be in jail for a lot of things.” His sister pointed out. “And I don’t think 𝐲𝐨𝐮 minded that much,” She couldn't help but laugh.
(‘You.’)
(‘Not us.’)
(‘𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.’)
Andrew gave her a cold stare.
But Ashley didn’t take the hint, her smile stayed plastered on her pretty face, “What?? All I did was give you the best night of your life! You’re welcome.”
He could lash out, scream at her... but he held back.
He didn't want a repeat of yesterday.
He was still struggling to process his feelings, and unsure of how to react.
If anything he would consider that the lamest sex he’s ever had in his life..
Even Julia’s was better than…
….
What does it matter? He already sank down to the lowest common denominator.
No point in thinking about his ex that he felt no feelings for.
Nothing he could say or do would change any of this.
He is stuck with her for the rest of his life.
Does he really want to deal with this for the rest of his life?
Does he really want to repeat the cycle of going through the motions while also avoiding the law while also appeasing some demon’s appetite for souls….?
With her always complaining and whining every step of the way-
“Hello?!? Earth to Andy! Did you forget to speak or something????” Ashley was in his face, impatient for a response.
“…Sorry.” Andrew managed to respond, attempting a weak laugh.
He felt hollow. His body felt like she had carved into its secrets that he wanted to keep closely guarded.
She wasn’t even into him in that way, he was the one causing these taboo feelings to come to light.
It was his fault.
It was always his fault..
Ashley's ability to read him like an open book made this situation even more torturous.
He regrets drinking all that alcohol.
He really doesn’t know why he feels so conflicted-
“Andrew what is it??” His sister pressed, getting closer and grinning, “Was last night so good that I made you stunned??”
He stood up, "Yeah... Something like that." He took the ring and cigarettes with him, not even touching the alcohol or finishing his coffee.
Ashley followed him closely, slipping her scarlet demonic trinket into her pocket. He forgot to take that from the bedroom floor before she woke up….
"Where are you going?" She asked him suspiciously.
“Out…” he walked to the front door.
But she blocked his path, “𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞?”
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Just out.”
Ashley’s eyes narrowed, "You're not going to see anyone, are you?"
He retorted with a slight hint of annoyance, "Oh, come on, do you really think I would do that again?"
Exhaustion washed over him, and his will to argue weakened. Who could he even talk to? She had become the center of his life.
He’ll just say what she wants to hear.
He drew a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders and summoning a false smile. He gently drew his sister close, caressing her hair—a gesture that shocked her.
"Ashley, I'm just going to pawn some items I forgot about," he explained. "Plus, I just need some air."
He reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, "You don't like me smoking in here, so..."
It was almost ironic, considering the initial reason he had started smoking was due to his sister's insistence that it was cool.
However it now had just become another source of complaints from her.
Ashley seemed a bit surprised by the touch and the explanation, she smirked a bit, “ I can’t believe you’re being so considerate now…”
In a forced attempt at humor, he laughed and replied, “ Well I’m just full of surprises aren’t I? “ He really didn’t want to, but he had to keep this up. If he yelled at her, it would do nothing, she would probably say the same things about how he was an abusive brother who would try to kill her, then she would grow more paranoid.
While he did beat her up, that was because she wouldn’t stop testing his patience.
And then that led to…
He had to pretend they were getting along.
He could do this, he used to do this with Julia all the time..
He forced himself to pretend that everything was fine, attempting to emulate the facade he had once maintained with Julia.
In an effort to maintain the illusion of nothing being wrong, he hugged her more tightly, his words tinged with a hint of remorse. "Are you sore?" he asked, referencing his previous physical abuse.
He feels sick.
Probably still hungover…
She shook her head and reassured him, "I'm okay now, thanks."
"I’m sorry about that..." Andrew apologized, though he wasn't entirely certain if he meant it.
Ashley hugged his arms in return, "I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me. If you want, we can-"
“ No.” Andrew cut her off immediately, his voice filled with haste, "No. I’m alright, I don’t need that from you."
Ashley's smirk grew, and she began massaging his arms, “ But it’s the best thing I-”
“ Maybe later. “ He lied, he just hoped she would shut up, he really is resisting the urge to just bash her head into the door. “ Focus on getting some sacrifices for now, I’ll get us some money.“
His words made her pause..”You seem different? Was it from last night?”
He wants to get out of here.
Andrew released his grip on Ashley and opened the door, his words laced with a hint of deceptive sincerity. "Yeah, now that I did it, I’m kind of over it now." He kissed her hair, reinforcing the facade of normalcy.
Even after all that had happened, a part of him yearned for their usual routine, as if their previous disagreements had never taken place.
His mind was willing, almost begging him to fall back into that void that was his sister.
But he couldn’t right now…He didn’t feel right.
"See?" Ashley remarked, "We've done worse things, you were worried for nothing. Getting laid was just an inevitability! ”
Sure the cannibalism and murdering was bad. But of course, Andrew’s main concern was crossing a line with his sister.
Then again, they kind of already had crossed that line.
This was just the final push she shoved him into.
He shouldn’t have drunk all his feelings away, wishing he had been more vigilant in resisting her advances.
“ I’ll be back, see ya.” Andrew gave her a manufactured smile, as he put back his cigarettes safely in his pocket.
“ Alright! Don’t be too long! “
Once Ashley was out of his field of vision, and he was out on the street, he felt a bit better, but also a lot worse.
He was alone now.
The bright sunlight, though pleasant to others, made Andrew feel out of place. The contrast between the outdoor world and the events of the previous day was stark.
He observed the people outside, going about their daily routines—going to work, socializing, simply strolling around.
A sense of unease washed over him. He worried that if he took too much time, Ashley might suspect his intentions and blame him for their issues.
(‘No, she shouldn’t, my acting was top notch, she didn’t suspect a thing.’)
What if she was lying? What if she was catching onto you? What if she chains you up again out of paranoia that you two weren’t getting along?
Her visions told her he’d either kill her, or fuck her.
Right now, even after they had sex, he wants to kill her…he wants to kill her for testing his patience and never giving him a moment to rest.
To give him one ounce of respect he knew he didn’t deserve, yet so desperately craved from her…
All he wanted, all he ever wanted, was for Ashley to be happy, or at least appreciate him.
Especially now…
He wants to kill her, shoot her, stab her, beat her, torture her like she does for him every waking moment of his miserable existence.
He wants to hate her.
But he can’t.
He wants to protect her.
It was fruitless, even if she died, he would die too, they’re a two in one deal.
He would kill himself if she died.
But would she do the same for him?
Would he want her to?
It was something he couldn’t tear away from.
….
He’s so sick of this.
Andrew’s legs moved of their own accord, wandering aimlessly, desperate for a moment of solitude to clear his thoughts.
He could get some cash by pawning the ring, then he could take a bus or walk around there, get lost, Ashley would find him eventually, probably.
He couldn’t leave her.
Does he even want to leave her?
…
He knows he should but…
…𝐇𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭
One couldn’t exist without the other.
𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
She was the same.
He wasn’t Andrew without Ashley.
And he wasn’t Andy without Leyley.
He wasn’t anyone, without someone.
𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫..
݁₊ .⟡❀-❀-❀-⟡ ݁₊ .
Yesterday for Julia was…interesting.
Andrew had called, requesting her help with retrieving a bolt cutter and unlocking some chains his ankle was stuck to. They had gone out together, and he had offered to buy her a drink.
There was an odd sense of politeness and awkwardness between them.
He propositioned her, acting his usual self and suggesting they get back together after a few months apart.
Of course, she declined his offer, informing him that 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 part of her life was behind her.
She broke it off, she didn’t want to change that.
He accepted her answer, but Julia had sensed an unusual edge to his behavior yesterday. Despite his efforts to appear normal, there was a hint of something unsettling about the encounter.
More than it usually did.
But he acted like himself..
She didn’t know exactly why, but she knew it was something in her brain telling her to get away from him.
Though now, all of her words and farewells were said to him, and she gave him her letter, her final words that were never meant for his eyes, and only for her heart.
Whether he read that or not was his choice.
But now their chapter was truly closed.
Julia was curious on how he took that letter, probably not well but who knows, he used to love telling her things she wanted to hear.
When he was alone though, without her around, how different was he?
Did he even have time to himself anymore?
Or was 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 always breathing down his neck all the time? Even if Andrew was living with a new roommate.
Julia took a deep breath, she moved past this, they aren't dating anymore, she needs to get over this.
Plus there was another guy she was talking to, maybe something could start there?
Just because she went to meet up with Andrew yesterday doesn't mean she needs to think about him again.
She can’t afford to ruin her own progress.
He hasn’t changed one bit since the last time she saw him before the lockdown.
There was no need to dwell on his nonsense anymore.
She didn't have anything on her schedule today, she could relax.
And what better way to relax than to walk around her area.
With the weight of their history behind her, Julia found solace in the public space. She relished the tranquility of the surrounding area, enjoying the way the sunlight bathed everything in a soft glow.
Few passersby crossed her path, their attention focused on their own business rather than on her presence.
The grass stood tall and green, its stalks swaying gently in the breeze. The trees offered a respite from the intense glare of the sun, their leafy branches casting shadows across the park's terrain.
There were also plenty of benches where she could sit and reflect on her thoughts.
Each part of the landscape gives her a lovely sense of tranquility and freedom.
A sparkling array of nature’s beauty all condensed into a small area away from the city’s noisy activity.
But it gave her some comfort from it all.
After a few minutes of walking, she decided to take a break and rest on a bench somewhere.
She went deeper into the park to find a small isolated bench, trying to find the perfect spot.
As Julia drew closer to the bench, she noticed a figure lying there, already occupying the seat.
(‘Wait……’)
….
Julia froze as she realized who the figure was.
She should have walked away, sought out another bench to sit at, but something kept her fixated on him.
Nestled deep within the secluded area of the park, a familiar figure with dark hair and a dark sweater lay on the bench, his face hidden beneath his arms.
A cigarette dangled precariously from his fingers, its smoke snaking upwards into the air. It seemed he hadn’t noticed her presence yet.
(‘He smokes now..?’)
No way, Julia couldn’t believe that was him, that can’t be him, they just saw each other yesterday, he wouldn’t follow him to where she lived… He…He wouldn't go out of his way to try to find her again. They ended things on a good note and he didn’t seem upset when she turned him down.
He wasn’t upset, just confused…
Which is what she is feeling right now!
(‘No it's not him that's not him. If I just ignore him and don’t walk up to him I can just go on my merry way-’)
Curiosity got the better of her judgment, her legs moved on their own.
“ What are you doing here? ” Julia looked down at him, noticing he had taken up the entire seat with his body.
“Leave me alone I’m not in the mood, “ Andrew grumbled, turning around, “ How the fuck did you even find me? I said I’d be back after…” Then his gaze landed on her. His initial anger melted into surprised recognition, his wide eyes betraying his astonishment at her presence. ” Oh…”
Julia's gold eyes mirrored his surprise, though to a lesser extent. She had suspected it was him, but her presence was clearly unexpected. She responded awkwardly, “Uhhh... How are you?”
His reply was dripping with sarcasm. “ Fantastic. “ Andrew put out his finished cigarette on the hardened steel of the bench handles, to the shock and horror of Julia, who was concerned the cigarette wasn’t put out correctly.
He seemed to take note of her expression and placed the cigarette butt in his pocket, before turning around to face away from her.
Julia stood there, at a loss for words. Meeting him again so soon and discovering he was nearby was unexpected.
Their previous interaction had felt like a definitive end, and now here she was, face to face with him once more.
They both were still, unmoving and silent, as if caught in a moment of careful stillness, as if any sudden movement might shatter the fragile tableau around them.
Julia couldn’t understand why she was still there. Perhaps she should just leave and resume her day as usual.
𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞.
She should just leave.
All she had to do was leave.
(‘𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝, 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞-’)
“Who did you…who did you think I was?” Julia asked curiously, “Was it your roommate?”
Yesterday, Andrew had told her that his roommate he was staying with had apparently playfully bound him up in chains.
She suggested he report him, as behavior like that wasn’t something you’d overlook.
If he never addressed it, it would be a sign to that person that they wouldn’t get reprimanded for doing it again.
She remembered their conversation from yesterday, where he found the idea of reporting his roommate humorous and brushed it aside when he saw her seriousness.
This behavior mirrored his past tendency to ignore problems or change the subject whenever it suited him. She pondered if he had indeed followed through on her suggestion.
His behavior only served to break her trust and faith in him even further.
Right now though, something was amiss with Andrew.
The contrast between yesterday and their current encounter was stark. Yesterday's interaction with her felt familiar, resembling the Andrew she was accustomed to.
However, present-day Andrew she was seeing seemed unfiltered, shedding his veneer of composure and propriety. It was as if yesterday was a carefully crafted performance, with him carefully navigating her emotions to appear appealing and endearing.
His deliberate avoidance of eye contact spoke volumes, and his focus was solely on keeping his gaze averted from her.
Maybe right now she was seeing how he really is..
….
…
..
(‘Yeah right…’)
The air was heavy with tension as they stood in silence, neither saying nor doing anything.
Julia gingerly broached another question “Did your roommate kick you out?”
" No. " His one-worded response, offered a slight sense of relief to her, but it did not alleviate her concerns completely.
Julia pressed on, seeking more information. "Did…something happen?" she inquired, taking a step closer to him, her concern growing.
Andrew's response was once again brief and strained, "No."
His evasive, nondescript answers heightened her annoyance, leading her to stand closer to his side.
“Then look at me,” Julia persisted, her voice firm, and her brow furrowing in determination. “Look at me and tell me nothing happened.”
He sighed, “Aren’t you busy or something? Don’t you have somewhere to be?” His irritation was mounting in response to her insistence.
Julia’s body trembled slightly, “I don’t.”
“I see.” Was all he responded with.
Julia stared intensely into his eyes, “Can you get up?” Her touch grazed his hair, concern evident in her words. “You’re…not acting like yourself…”
Andrew allowed his head to turn towards her, “Then how exactly should I be acting? “ his glare holding a dull and lifeless hue.
“I don’t know um… “ Julia withdrew her hand from his hair, “…maybe like…not so….moody…?”
Andrew took a moment, and then laughed softly at her comment, that same laughter slowly fading into silence as he remained wordless.
Julia found herself at a loss for words. She realized her comment might have come off as brusque, but she struggled to articulate her feelings accurately.
She was unfamiliar with this side of him, her encounters with him had never included smoking or this kind of sarcastic behavior.
Although he had always been kind to her in the past, she never truly understood his feelings. Perhaps he cared for her but didn’t relish being with her.
This realization pained Julia.
The part of the park they were in was relatively isolated and devoid of other people. But if things went wrong, Julia could easily find others in case anything happened.
(‘What am I doing? Why am I finding excuses to stick around and talk to him, or to make sure the area I was in was safe..?’)
It’s not like he was dangerous, but her gut kept telling her otherwise.
But why did she still desire to converse with him, given that she had no intention of rekindling their relationship?
His face was obscured by his hair, his body language betraying fatigue.
She questioned her own motives, wondering why she was tormenting herself by engaging with him. She had already made her intentions clear.
She couldn't help but feel a mix of longing and pity for his current state.
But why...?
Julia attempted to smooth over her previous remark, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean it to sound rude." she said, striving to make her intentions clear. “ Alright?”
In an attempt to meet his eyes again, she tried to adjust his hair. However, he abruptly brushed her off, continuing to avert his gaze.
Then she made a senseless offer, "I'm here. If you want, we can talk. Just talk. I'll listen."
He rebuffed her touch, "You wouldn’t understand."
She gave him some space, “But I want to.” her voice was soft, expressing her sincerity, “I want to understand…”
Andrew sat up on the bench, taking out his lighter and a cigarette, "Are you sure?"
Julia made herself comfortable on the newly vacant space on the bench, her gaze fixed on him, silently signaling her readiness to listen.
"Do you mind if I smoke..?"
Julia habitually would have declined, but she decided to overlook it this time, understanding that he was under a lot of stress. "No, go ahead."
Both of them stared into each other, but after she wouldn’t budge, Andrew turned away, igniting the end of a fresh cigarette.
After he took a deep inhale, he breathed all the smoke out of his lungs, the smell of burning matter Julia attempted to ignore.
“Me and my roommate,” he began, “ We fight a lot.”
Not a surprising thing to hear from what he told her yesterday.
“Did you report him?” She asked, thinking back to when she had to get him out of some chains.
“It’s complicated.”
“What’s so complicated? If you get the authorities involved then they can help you!”
Andrew covered his eyes, his expression weary. "It's not that simple, Julia. It'll make things worse..."
She argued in a raised voice, "How? Is it not already bad without them?"
“Julia-”
“Your roommate had you chained up! “
“ 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞-”
“If you tell them what happened then I’m sure they would-“
“𝐈 𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄!! 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐔𝐒!!! 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐌 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐁𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐖??”
The harshness in his tone struck Julia like a sharp blade, causing her to flinch involuntarily. Tears threatened to escape her eyes, but she maintained her composure.
Noticing her expression, Andrew hastily attempted to backtrack. "Wait...That came out wrong..."
Well since they were being so honest maybe she shouldn’t hold back either.
"Andrew," she entreated, her voice tinged with worry, "I'm not saying it will solve everything, but getting the authorities involved can help you...You're in a toxic situation."
Andrew shook his head, taking another drag on his cigarette. "They can't...I can't...just leave it..."
“There isn’t anyone else you could stay with? Family members? Other friends? There could be cheaper places in the area..?”
Her ex responded with a hint of pleading in his voice, "I have no one...Unless you could-"
“ 𝐍𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭.“ Julia said firmly. “I can’t help you. All I can do is this.”
“Then don’t lecture me about it. If you’re not going to help me. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞.”
Julia couldn't deny the irony of her situation. She had come here expecting to offer advice and support, but his bitter response left her feeling drained.
Or maybe she was the bitter one, was she not doing enough?
Her thoughts raced through her mind, questioning her own judgment.
(‘I should have left him alone. Why didn’t I listen to my instincts?’)
However, she realized that this was for the best. She could provide guidance, and he could choose to take it or leave it.
That time in their life is over now.
They couldn’t go back to that..
No point in dwelling on what she didn’t do.
She can do this.
“Andrew, you can leave, I get how hard it is, but you have to take that step. There is always a way out of something.”
He scoffed, “You don’t get it. I don’t have what you have, Julia, I never had a…”
There was silence.
“Had a what…?”
He sighed, his voice tinged with resignation. “You should know that this is all I can do. I’m just….” He buried his face…”Ugh…𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝…𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐀𝐬𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐲, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞..”
Julia had to hold back an internal scoff.
She shook her head, her bangs swaying with the soft breeze, “ If she really was your support, she wouldn’t have caused you so much stress. “
She looked at him straight in the eye, her golden eye that wasn't covered reflecting her resolve. "And 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐞."
Silence hung heavy in the air, as Andrew avoided her gaze. It became clear that this meeting hadn't gone as she had hoped.
Deciding that enough was enough, she was about to get up from the bench, but just as she was about to leave, Andrew finally spoke up.
“Well not anymore, I screwed that up big time huh? Now you want nothing to do with me.”
Julia replied, her face betraying emotion, “ If I did, I wouldn’t have walked up to you. “
He chuckled, conceding her point. "You're right. You wouldn’t be contradicting yourself if you really didn't care."
“Andrew…”
He then questioned her calmly, trying not to sound intimidating, “What was I supposed to do back then Julia? How would you have handled all that if it happened to you? ”
“ Not sure. “ Since she really wasn’t sure what he meant, “ I would probably do the opposite of what you actually did to me.” She said to him.
“Really?”
“Maybe??”
He laughed, “ Yeah okay.”
Despite not being able to see his eyes, Julia could sense the raw emotion in his voice. He extinguished the cigarette, placing the burnt-out cigarette next to him on the rails of the metallic steel part of the bench.
"I didn’t want her to hate me, Julia." He confessed, his voice quivering on the edge of despair. "I didn’t want anyone to hate me, but if she was with me, I would've been okay."
Julia listened in silence, settling back beside him.
Andrew continued, his voice tinged with a mix of frustration and heartache. "She never cared about me, she never looked at me."
Each word struck Julia like a deluge of emotion.
"Everything I did was for her, no one else would take care of her."
This revelation hit her hard.
"It was my responsibility. If I kept her happy then that was enough for me."
Andrew's words felt like a torrent, pouring out his bottled-up pain.
"But she was never happy," his voice cracked, "she always complained about the smallest things or never appreciated all that I’ve done for her. I just wish….𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫…”
She stared at him blankly when he said his statement, “𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫?”
Andrew’s eyes shot up, realizing what he said, "Nothing weird...She's my sister, of course I care about her, and want the best for her..."
Julia couldn't shake the feeling of unease stirred up inside her.
She pursued further, her gaze fixed on him. "Has it just been that? Nothing else?"
Andrew's face fell, his expression turning solemn. "No, it’s just that..."
He averted his eyes to the ground, she could tell he was trying to choose his words very carefully.
“You know me and my roommate, after we met up and you left, when I got back to the apartment, she…he got upset at me for being out for so long, accusing me of things and pestering me and pushing me…It was so hard to not…”
Julia's breath hitched in her chest as she took in his words, her face paling.
“I just got so angry, I couldn’t take it anymore, I ended up taking all my frustrations on them. Until they were all…”
She could barely speak, her voice barely above a whisper. "You didn't..."
“ She was the reason I did it! “ he insisted, his voice rising in protest, “ She kept saying that I was an abusive asshole! That it was all 𝐌𝐘 fault we weren’t getting along anymore! “
“ But you-”
“ I apologized okay?! I…do feel bad about it….”
She didn’t know how to take his explanation.
But then as she was thinking, Julia caught something in his words.
“𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫..?”
"𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞." He quickly clarified.
She noted the inconsistency in how he referred to his roommate, noticing that he was shifting between male and female pronouns when discussing this person.
Maybe he was just getting confused in his explanations.
Nevertheless, hearing all this was causing her anxiety to spike, as well as his most likely.
But there was a small suspicion in the back of her mind that she couldn’t properly piece together.
𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟...
Andrew kept talking, “ But then after that, I started drinking and the next thing I knew we….. “ His voice trailed off, replaced by a shaky breath, “ I never wanted it to go that far, sure I liked them but I was fine with never engaging with them in that way, or I guess…go all the way…but I ... …maybe I deserved it. I…”
Julia didn’t know why but she put her hand on his cheek, “What did your roommate do exactly? “
He looked like he was on the verge of some sort of breakdown…
Maybe this was worse than she initially had thought.
Julia gently placed her other hand in his hair, and he leaned into the gesture. "Hey Andrew..." she spoke softly, her voice filled with concern. "What's wrong?”
He didn’t say anything. Only silence was present, slowly engulfing them.
And before she could subconsciously stop herself, she hugged him. “ You..…I’m sorry, whatever happened to you, I’m sorry.”
His response, "It's fine," was weak, his face pressed against her chest.
She shook her head adamantly, her voice stern, not minding his movements, “It’s not fine! You were taken advantage of!”
The next laugh he made was an apathetic one, “But I did the same thing Julia. “ she felt his body tremble. “I did the same….”
She massaged his back, “Andrew…”
“I read it by the way, your letter.” He said out the blue, still in Julia’s embrace. “ The one you gave me yesterday before you left.”
Julia was taken aback, thinking about the words she wrote in there, "Were you angry?"
"No, I wasn't angry, I was just... surprised, I didn’t think you could be so harsh."
"You didn't have to-"
"I wanted to," Andrew said firmly. "I was curious.”
(‘𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭.’)
The two separated, and Andrew surprisingly kept his distance.
“So I guess you know how I feel about you then? “ Julia asked point blank.
Her ex nodded in acknowledgment.
"𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮... 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞?" Julia inquired softly.
Andrew clenched his teeth into his own skin. "...I tried to... but...𝐧𝐨."
Julia’s voice tinged with disappointment. "So why did you date me? Why waste all that time on me?"
"Do you remember the rumors going around in high school about me and Ashley... 'keeping it in the family?'" he asked, his voice betraying a hint of shame that she couldn't tell was fake or not.
"I only dated you to silence those rumors. “ He confessed, “ I didn't want people to spread those things about me and her."
She wanted to block out what he was saying to her right now.
He added one more thing, trying to calm the fire he started, “ But I tried to, I really tried to love you.”
Julia couldn't believe what she was hearing, struggling to process his words. "I...I..."
Her heart sank..
Julia felt a strange mix of emotions, anger and sadness, but not surprise.
She would be pissed if she wasn’t already having a hunch about the reasoning long ago.
With him always asking her to tie up her hair, him canceling their plans to accommodate 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
But she didn’t want to believe it to be real.
All Julia did in response to this information was laugh, her tears threatening to come back in full force.
"So you..." she began, her voice cracking. "𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮...."
“I know…” Andrew mumbled weakly. “Jane, was right about me, your whole family was right about me. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭. “
She felt like she had been played with for years, she wasted so much time on her end just to be used for social approval.
She heard a small phrase escape his lips. “𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐚, 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲.”
Julia was hesitant to say anything, as his apology didn’t seem truthful…So she didn’t speak, and did what he did, she looked away.
“It’s okay Julia, you can hate me. You can hate me for the rest of your life. I only came here to clear my head. I never expected to see you again. “
“Me neither…”
Andrew suddenly hugged her tightly yet gently, "But…it was nice to see you, if not for one last time."
She would have pushed him off, but a small part of her let him embrace her.
She didn’t want to admit to herself that it almost felt like how things used to be, when he showered her with love and affection.
Affection that was nothing but a hollow distraction.
After a few long seconds, he let go, his voice soft, “I never appreciated you, but you at one point appreciated me, I’m sure whoever you see after this, will cherish you better than I did.”
Then Andrew did something unexpected, he smiled at her, but Julia didn’t take that smile as being fake…
She could tell, 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞.
“ 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐉𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐚, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮.”
She never heard his voice so sincere…
He reached into his pocket, then placed something into her hand. As they looked into each other's eyes, she couldn't conceal the hint of sadness in her gaze.
There was a hint of understanding that the person before her was in pain.
It was a weird feeling that ached at her heart. A weird and bittersweet feeling.
She…She hoped that he was going to be okay, or that maybe some of her advice helped in some way…
In this bizarre conversation she never expected to have with him.
Just as the two sat there, someone approached in the distance, their identity soon becoming clear. Her distinctive deep pink eyes and jet-black hair were immediately recognizable, as were her loose low pigtails.
Julia had no trouble identifying who it was from afar. She remembered Ashley’s striking features all too well.
She couldn’t forget her even if she tried.
This was Julia’s internal cue to definitely leave right 𝐍𝐎𝐖.
A slight shot of panic set into her as she got up, now wanting to get away, but Andrew grabbed her wrist.
Her desire to escape was halted, with Julia feeling alarmed by Andrew's action that kept her tethered to where she stood.
“𝐇𝐞𝐲! -”
“𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞…” he started, his tone sounding calm yet urgent, “ If you ever see a red circle on the ground with candles, a being with a bunch of red eyes, or if you ever see any of us….”
Julia locked eyes with him, her attention was fully on what he was saying, especially with the last thing he said. “𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.”
Julia’s mind whirled with confusion and surprise, but she managed to stammer a response, "Oh... okay."
“Hey you two!!!~ “ Andrew’s sister suddenly appeared, speaking in an uncharacteristically cheery voice, “How's it going? You two seem to be having an interesting conversation!!”
Julia stood silently as Andrew stepped in front of her, a strained smile on his face. "Haha, nothing that interesting. We were just about to split anyway."
Julia observed that Andrew was acting the way he used to act when they were dating.
Tiptoeing on his words, saying things the person wants to hear..
Now he was putting on that same facade for his sister.
Ashley’s expression took a playful turn, a hint of venom seeming to slip “Awww why? I would love to hear what you guys were talking about! Who knows, maybe we could all hang out and come back to our apartment. 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬-“
“𝐍𝐨.“ Andrew's face hardened into a dark glare, his demeanor shifting. “ 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐥𝐞𝐭’𝐬 𝐠𝐨.”
Andrew stole one last look at Julia, his gaze missing that same darkness he gave his sister, “Goodbye.”
Julia returned the sentiment, her voice soft. "Goodbye..."
“Wha-wait a minute-“ Ashley’s words were abruptly cut off as Andrew held her arm tightly, forcing her to walk away with him.
And just like that, Julia was left behind standing there bewildered as she watched the two leave.
The exchange from the siblings she had witnessed from a distance was strange. She couldn’t hear anything, but Julia saw Ashley force Andrew’s grip off of her wrist, her face turning from a smile to turning into a look of pure rage.
Julia couldn't help but be puzzled, thinking that Andrew and her were living separately, away from one another. Since that was what he told her yesterday..
But Ashley’s comment about them living together in an apartment…
….
(‘That couldn’t be true…’)
If Julia were to piece that together, Andrew wasn’t living with some random guy roommate like said to her.
His roommate was Ashley.
And that means-
Julia moved forward, watching Andrew and Ashley become increasingly distant as their conversation continued.
But she abruptly froze in her tracks as she noticed Andrew tenderly nuzzling Ashley's head and planting a kiss on her cheek, followed by his hand reaching toward her backside.
Shock and disbelief washed over her, unable to believe what she was witnessing...
But then she watched as Andrew carefully retrieved a small, red dream catcher-like trinket from Ashley's pocket and discreetly pocketed it in his own.
Oddly, Ashley seemed entirely unaware, as Andrew continued to shower her with affection, affection that would make any passerby mistake them for a couple.
Julia was torn between confusion and revulsion, struggling to process her emotions. Deep down, she could feel the latter feeling slowly taking over…
She didn’t understand them anymore.
Especially Andrew.
After their talk, and seeing that….
…What was going on…?
Was what he showed to her his real feelings?
Or was what she was seeing with Ashley the real one?
He wasn’t a stranger to lying, did he say all of that out of pity? To get back with her?
If he did, then his acting definitely got a lot better.
But if what he wasn’t showing her was real…
She didn’t want to entertain that idea…
But…
(‘There had to be some truth to what he had told me…..Right….?’)
Some parts of what Andrew was expressing to Juila, a lot of it by the end, it didn’t… It didn’t feel like a well disguised lie.
Though, when was she ever good at reading people?
It was all a mystery to her.
As Ashley and Andrew walked further away, they were almost out of sight. But before they completely disappeared, Andrew turned back, giving Julia one last glance and a subtle nod.
Julia responded with a small wave. He acknowledged her gesture before turning back to focus his attention on Ashley.
There was a brief moment when his face contorted into a frown, but it quickly vanished as he turned back to his sister.
The siblings vanished from view, leaving Julia now completely alone in the park, struggling to comprehend the strange scene she had just watched.
Without any warning, Julia's legs gave way, and she collapsed onto the sidewalk, her body quivering.
The fear that bubbled underneath the surface broke free, forcing her to confront the emotions she had been suppressing.
Tears streamed down her face, pouring out in torrents. All the pent-up feelings and pain she had been holding onto unleashed, leaving her emotionally worn.
All those feelings she was holding back were let go, and finally out in the open.
Her feelings for Andrew.
How hard she tried to make it work.
Their breakup.
Their differences.
Their everything.
It was all such a waste of time that she wished she realized sooner.
But yet, she couldn’t let go of that small part that still held on to him that still wanted to sympathize with him, wanted to understand him.
Julia gently massaged the scars on her wrists, covered by her sleeves.
All that harassment and hardship was behind her, yet the thoughts always caused her great grief.
She never liked to think ill of others, but Ashley really tested that.
She could never love someone who caused Julia such pain.
And she shouldn’t love a man that lets his sister do as she pleases to her.
She thought back to the letter she gave to Andrew and some of the words.
𝐇𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐦.
But…
She knew it wouldn’t work, he wanted her to come back and to start over.
But they can’t start over.
A part of her considered it, but it wasn’t healthy.
No matter how much she wanted to, she wouldn’t let that delusional part of herself win.
Julia then remembered the object Andrew had placed in her hands, her fingers clenching tightly around it.
She opened her palm to discover an extinguished cigarette resting on her skin.
Taking a deep breath, Julia regained her composure. The small object in her hand seemed to anchor her to reality, allowing her to momentarily regain her bearings.
She realized that she needed to return home, as her family would undoubtedly start to worry if she lingered in the park much longer.
The once cheerful blue sky now seemed dull and ordinary to her, the brightness fading away.
Julia walked in the opposite direction from where the siblings had gone, her mind still reeling from the encounter.
But she made sure to follow Andrew’s words.
𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦.
There was a small trash can she came across.
And without hesitating, she threw the cigarette he gave her away, not looking back any longer.
𝐇𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭.
There will always be parts of Julia that will miss Andrew, but she has to let him go.
She wished she could help him with whatever he was dealing with.
But she had a weird gut feeling, that would be at the cost of her own soul.
She needed to prioritize her own feelings.
She wasn’t responsible for him anymore.
All she could do now is keep her distance,
And pray that whatever he was dealing with, that he would save himself.
That he at least, would be okay…
𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞.
݁₊ .⟡❀-❀-❀-⟡ ݁₊ .
A field of pink and yellow flowers waited for Andrew, as he opened his eyes to be within the space in between.
The dark red sky and vast fields seemed to welcome his troubled soul, offering a brief respite from the turmoil he faced.
There was no authority that could help Andrew.
Unless you counted an authority that resided in this infernal space.
And it was waiting for him.
Something terrifying.
The strange being stood before Andrew, its voice reverberating through the dark red sky. "𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍," it spoke,” 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 𝒊𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖? “
Andrew responded, his voice steady. "Yeah, she doesn't need to know about any of this."
The entity observed him intently, noticing the conflicting emotions Andrew harbored.
” 𝑵𝒐.” it asserted, “ 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅, 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅.“
Andrew shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't think so." Then his expression shifted, a frown marring his face. "I've just made up my mind. Something I should’ve done a long time ago.”
This demon he was talking to, a while back, introduced itself as Lord Unknown, apparently they were well acquainted when he was a kid.
He didn’t know the details, but when he and Ashley were stuck in the space in between, and when he had to gather souls for Ashley’s demon, he met this demon.
Something terrifying…
But also something that was understanding, something kind.
They eventually did what Ashley’s demon wanted from them and they were able to go back into the real world and buy an apartment, while doing tasks for it.
Lord Unknown peered into Andrew’s thoughts but gave him time to think about what he wanted to do, letting him go back.
But if he called for it, Lord Unknown would be there.
All he needed was Ashley’s trinket to effectively contact them.
And that’s what he did, he stole the trinket again from her and kept it on him when he went to sleep.
With him distracting Ashley with affection, she thinks nothing is wrong, she is none the wiser now.
In a way, this was his betrayal to everything he stood for, everything he wanted, to their vow.
He was born to protect Ashley, always taking care of her problems. To take the fall.
She always got what she wanted, his feelings were irrelevant in that.
This was his last straw.
Arguing would get them nowhere.
He was tired of trying to come to terms with this situation.
He was tired of stagnating.
It was too late.
But he was tired of fighting her.
He was tired of all this running.
He was done.
The demon seemed to watch Andrew think intently, it brought him back to the present.
“𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚? “
Andrew was silent but then answered simply, “I have to be.”
It didn’t care, it was probably using him too.
But at least it gave him an option.
Ashley didn’t give him one.
But he also was at fault.
He shouldn’t have put up with this.
Maybe then he would’ve grown up to be a more normal individual.
Maybe then he wouldn’t have been completely rotted from the inside out.
He would still have a normal life.
He would’ve been society’s definition of the perfect person.
Maybe he would still have Julia.
He stood there, his gaze fixed on the pink and yellow flowers, their petals dancing gracefully in the calming breeze that surrounded the enigmatic realm.
He shouldn’t pretend to care, she was only a substitute for his feelings for Ashley.
Feelings that wouldn’t have existed if he didn’t have to take care of her every waking day of his life.
But maybe a part of him did love Julia in his own twisted way, one that was out of pity for what he did to Nina and the other to replace her with his sister.
Maybe there was a small truth, a small attraction that is now long since broken.
Julia now has a better grasp on his true feelings.
He did not.
Andrew didn’t feel like acting in front of her at that point, it felt like his form of a confession, an apology.
More than his actual apology to her ever did.
Even if she didn’t have the whole picture, she didn’t need to.
She won’t know what he’s done, she can stay blissfully confused and analyze his words and warning.
There was nothing he could do about that now.
There was no point in this anymore.
Andrew ran his fingers through his hair, then slowly shut his eyes.
As soon as he did however, he opened them.
He felt a small, dark black hand with a red outline gently pat his head.
The demon's many hands continued to massage his head, giving him a soothing sensation. Whether it was genuine care or not, Andrew couldn't tell. It felt pleasant, like he was being understood and appreciated, just as Julia had comforted him earlier.
"Thank you..." Andrew murmured softly, the demon's hand seemed to pat his hair one final time before letting go, silent and watchful.
That was all he wanted, someone to see him. Acknowledge how he felt.
He didn’t deserve this, he was fucked up just like Ashley.
He can’t go back.
But he can do this.
” 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒐𝒘? “ Lord Unknown asked him.
“Yes….”
A shady deal with an even shadier demon, a deceptive being that was hard to figure out its true motives.
But Andrew himself, he felt like a demon to all those around him, using others and manipulating them to get the desired outcome.
This was no different, this was a demon helping out another demon.
And Andrew finally knew what he wanted.
If it’s power allowed, what he wanted was change, what he wanted was a way to start over.
What he wanted was to feel like his heart wasn’t torn into a thousand pieces from a girl he can not separate himself from.
A girl who was his sister.
A girl who annoyed him.
A girl who hated him.
A girl who he felt didn’t love him.
A girl he shouldn’t love but does.
A feeling he wished didn’t exist.
A feeling he wished to bury.
A wanting of something he couldn’t have.
A feeling that scared him.
A feeling that embraced him.
A desire that couldn’t leave him.
A desire to not screw everything up.
A desire to make her happy yet failing at that goal.
A desire to not be thrown away or have a discarded soul.
A desire to be loved for once in his life.
A desire, to have what he wanted..
A desire to be happy.
𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫.
” 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏? “
Andrew stared at the ground for a moment, before then finally peering into the demon’s eyes, not hesitating for a second with his answer.
“𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞.”