Chapter Text
1976
The ranch wasn’t quiet the day that Remus Lupin found James, bareback and singing at the top of his lungs.
The blistering heat of Flicker, Wyoming beat into Remus’s arms so fiercely that he itched under the sun’s careful watch. The sound of animals baying was ringing in his ears from down at the stables. They had just brought in a dozen or so new stallions, all announcing themselves in a cheering of calls and hoofbeats. Even his old buckskin mare turned to survey the noise coming from further downhill, down the rolling pastures and steep red rocks- back by the ranch house.
Remus plucked his cigarette out of his mouth and watched as the wind blew smoke back into his face, curling around the tanned lines of his shoulders, around the deep cuts in his biceps from the last full moon. Spinning in circles like it had a consciousness, like it was taunting Remus and his uncontrolled thoughts. He let the smoke seep into his nose for a couple of seconds before huffing and grabbing his reins again.
It was hard for him to push through days like these, where his limbs ached so sweetly and his neck strained with the weight of heavy scents in the air. He always felt like an animal in the days before. Especially when he couldn’t escape the sensation of burning skin and cold sweats through the dragging summer afternoons. Another whinny rang out from behind them, starting deep in the stallion’s throat before ringing out with conviction. A chorus of horses joined in a moment later, all of them over the other in competition. Luna only shook her neck and walked further out from the fading view behind them. The bells rang along the wind, remnants from downtown.
Remus dreaded the afternoons after church got out. Leaving the echoes of the golden cathedral for the harsh Wyoming roads was like taking a knife to his lungs. His throat went tight as dust flew in the wind and swallowed him whole, leaving nothing but boots in the dirt and the sound of his own asphyxiation. The week before the moon he felt every scent in his chest like bullets grazing his sides.
He smelled it now, far off. There was blood somewhere back at the ranch house. It traveled down his spine and left him with a hunger in his side. Luna stirred, straining her neck to where Remus was making pained noises through his gritted teeth- some of which he had filed down with his pocket knife until they were blunt and smooth to the touch. Remus ripped his hands from his stomach and kicked Luna’s sides, guiding her further from the ranch house and that perfectly awful smell.
The Evan’s ranch was a hearty little place, with only three fenced pastures and land that stretched deep into the mountains. They didn’t keep many animals aside from the horses, pure western quarter horses and mustangs, and the occasional dog or cat for the vermin. Paint was chipping and nails were crooked but it was truer than any place Remus had been before. Ms. Evans had taken in him at a very young age when he had been left, stranded and wailing, on the side of the highway.
He found it better this way- he had no longing to meet the family that had left him. The stories of that baby left scarred on the street felt like a fable of someone else’s life. Here he was new. He was untethered as long as the month treated him right.
Marion treated the home like an orphanage. She had taken in these kids and let them stay in her old ranch house up on the east side of the property. The house didn’t have electricity or comfortable beds but it was somewhere to live. It was home. They didn’t mind it- most of the time spent on the ranch was time spent outside.
“Rem!” Ms. Evans honeyed words rang out over that wind, carrying the messages over the hills with the sound of a bell not soon after. He heard it from behind, the words fading more as he rode off. He couldn’t go back to the house now, not when it smelled like that .
It was old fashioned, a bell that rang out over the wind, pricking up the horses ears. Lily and Remus, who were usually with one another, always got there first. Marlene was quick to follow and then Mary. That’s how it was, that’s how it had always been. Marion’s daughter and her scrappy orphans.
Pulling him away from the ringing of the bell, Luna startled and chuffed at the boy across the way who was whistling a tune, his dirty wifebeater half off his body, and his curls messed and ruddy. His skin was dark, though Remus wasn’t sure how much of it was from the sun, and how much of it was his own. He thought better than to ask as he pulled Luna to collect her.
“Hey, do’ya mind?” Remus called, his voice straining across the gully that separated them. The water that had once filled the gap was now dried out from the harshness of the ranch’s summer. Remus wished it was still there. He was sore in wishing for the cool water on his bare feet, the mud soaking between the cracks in his toes. The last couple of years had been hotter than ever before.
The boy’s head snapped up, but his whistling didn’t stop. He seemed puzzled, though Remus wasn’t sure why. The boy was on his land, wading through his gully.
“Ay!” the boy shouted, raising a hand and waving it frantically. “Any help for a gelding that doesn’t like mud?”
Remus raised an eyebrow and stared him down, “Didn’t know they took your manhood too.” He had a lot of nerve asking for help.
The boy looked terrified, but after a couple of seconds he smiled, his dimples framing his dopey grin that reached each side of his face.
“I like you,” the boy laughed, either at Remus or his cheap joke, he wasn’t sure.
“You have dirt in your teeth,” Remus spat, hiding his grin.
“What? You can see that far?”
Remus kept his face still, but the boy still thought it was funny.
“Christ, man,” he chuckled, “Just a little help?”
Remus clicked his tongue, pulling tighter on the strings of his hat. He let his shoulders drop and threw his leg around his mare, Luna. The horse shifted, unnerved from the strange boy’s presence, but she stayed in place like Remus knew she would. He took the cigarette that was hanging out of the side of his mouth and stubbed it out on his thigh, adding to the streaks of black on his jeans from all the times he had before.
“Thanks, man. We got a little lost, I guess.”
“You guess?” Remus said as he headed over to where the horse was stuck in the mud. “Where were you meant to be going, then?”
The boy looked over his shoulder, finally putting his arm back through his shirt, which had been half around his neck, like he couldn’t stand the heat and had been slowly inching his clothes off as he rode.
“Uh, well. I was meant to be following the river. We had a couple dozen cattle along the way that were supposed to be down at Snape’s barn by ten, but..”
He glanced at his wrist, like he was expecting a watch with the time.
Remus looked up at the sun dipping just a little below the highest point in the sky towards the western half of the ranch. He laughed as he reached for the boy’s reins. They were caught deep in a stray branch while his horse was fighting the mud he was stuck in.
“I have a feeling you missed your window.”
“Yeah, he won’t be happy.”
They were silent for a moment before the boy said, “James” with a small smile.
“Remus.”
James was strange. He spoke with his words tied in knots and his mouth twisted in a grin. He reminded Remus of the coyotes he chased off of the property. He was all awkward limbs and pert smiles.
“Here, take your reins. Yeah, now cue him up,” Remus instructed, clicking his tongue as he did. The gelding snorted and threw his head, but the boy pulled him back down and managed to get him to take a few wary steps up to higher ground. When he was on solid dirt, he could use his front legs to push himself up and out of the gully, where he took control again and found his way over to Luna.
The two horses sniffed one another as Remus made his way back, but Luna- an old and tired horse- turned to him instead of entertaining the young gelding.
“I appreciate it, really,” James grinned cheekily, but Remus saw the sincerity in his face.
“Well, I’m glad you’re fine,” Remus shifted his reins to his other hand, resting his free hand on the handle of his gun that rested in a holster on his hip. James’ eyes darted to the movement, but if he was bothered he didn’t show it. “But I think it’s about time you head out. You have to be careful, haven’t you seen the shit in the papers?”
James’ response was cut off by a high pitched yell, and distant hoofbeats against the grass. The sound was erratic, like the horse was stumbling, or maybe it had something to do with whoever was riding it, the one who was hollering.
“Oh god,” James chuckled, “Come on, Dusty.”
Remus noticed all the small ways James cued Dusty, nearly invisible moments. There was no delay between when James’ heel made contact with Dusty’s side and when the horse moved. Their actions smoothly faded into one movement. Remus tilted his head to watch them from behind, James’ back disappearing further down the way, the direction he came.
“What about your cattle?” Remus shouted, though he couldn’t see an animal in sight.
“Eh,” James called back without turning around. “They could be anywhere by now. Give me a holler if you see ‘em, yeah?”
Remus wanted to retort, but the boy was already loping off into the distance, yelling for someone. Remus’s hand found its way into his hair, tugging and ruffling the sweaty ends of it. It was hard to move for a while, and even Luna seemed to stay steady, save for the occasional dip down to graze.
Remus dropped his reins and laid back in the saddle while she ate. The sun leached into his skin, and he wanted to drown in the searing feeling of the rays. He almost choked from the warm air he breathed in, letting it fill his lungs until they burned too. He only sat up once the sweat started to pool in the lines on the edges of his eyes.
“C’mon, girl. Yup.”
Luna chuffed and picked up her feet. Remus shook the sweat off of his hair. The sun kept yelling behind them.
***
“The papers. That’s all I hear about.”
When Remus got back, his family was all gathered around the table shrouded in newspapers and fanatics. Ms. Evans was carrying heaps of white laundry while using her bare foot to throw open the screen door. It shut behind her with a creak. Remus sat at the table, throwing one leg over the back of a carved wooden chair and kicking off his boots.
“Well, the papers are important. You don’t read them, Lily, you just play hero when- God, Remus, you smell like shit.”
“Thanks, Mary,” Remus scoffed as he brushed at his tank top, not sure if he smelled like mud, sweat, or smoke.
Remus glanced at the table where the newspapers were scattered. Each page was turned to some front page story about the beasts that were roaming around the town. There were photos of wolves baring sharp canines and cryptic images from the woods. Remus tore his head the other way as they argued, his stomach making the smallest jump. He focused, instead, on the turntable in the living room that was playing some girlish record that Lily had surely chosen. The melody was quick and repetitive, with the same couple of words on a loop. It drove Remus out of his mind.
“I think you’re plain crazy. These things have murdered people. I’m sure they take them out to those woods and eat them whole. Bones and all.”
“Jesus, Mary,” Lily huffed as she tied her hair up. Lily was so beautiful, Remus thought. He picked up the needle on the record and took the vinyl off. Sweet silence. Remus looked for something, anything, more enjoyable.
“I’m not saying we let them all loose like wild horses,” Lily continued, “I just said they’re human half the time. Think about that.”
“I’d rather not,” Remus pulled out a record as Mary went on. “I hate that those hairy manges could be anywhere, waiting,” He slipped it carefully out of the sleeve, trying to pin all of his focus on the small motion. “I’d bet ‘ya that boy in our third period is one. He’s awfully aggressive and he’s never out with girls or that sort of thing.” Remus put it on the turntable and placed the needle. Led Zeppelin IV.
“Well, Remus doesn’t go out with girls or that sort of thing,” Lily countered. Remus heard this part clearly, over the sound of Robert Plant’s singing. The guitar came in after the first set of lyrics as Remus stood facing the girls with a straight face.
“You don’t know what I do with girls.”
“Yes, I do- a whole lot of jackshit. Pity because you’re so hot. You’ve got that rock ‘n roll charm that girls like,” Mary said with a glance at her unpainted nails.
“Don’t call me hot, Mary,” Remus huffed and turned back to the record that was playing Black Dog. “I’m basically your brother.”
“Ew, gross. You are the farthest thing from my brother you sack of shit,” Mary flung a pencil at him and Lily laughed. He tried to laugh along but he was still listening to their earlier conversation about the papers. His stomach turned more freely this time, now that he was halfway across the room.
A minute later, Ms. Evans came in from the front yard with the empty laundry basket around her hip, her hair half in her face and half tangled in her earrings. She shifted her basket and used her free hand to tear her swirling red hair from her face in a swift motion. Remus stayed by the record player, watching the vinyl spin as the needle lifted and fell as it played Rock and Roll. Remus didn’t hear as Ms. Evans passed through the living room doorway and set her basket down in the corner.
“Boy, you’re a mess,” she said through a crooked smile. Remus turned to examine her bare feet, muddy face, and falling shawl.
“I know, Mama,” Remus grinned shyly. She took him under one arm and pulled him in. He breathed in her rich scent as she rocked him back and forth before letting him go with a spin and walking off to another room.
“And, Remus! I made bacon and eggs if you want breakfast!” she called from the other room, her mind distant.
“Ma, it’s past noon.”
There was a pause like she was checking her watch or looking out the window before she called back, “It’s bacon and eggs, Remus!”
Remus did grab his eggs with the hint of a smile as he shook a generous amount of pepper onto them. He was sure they’d be cold but he didn’t mind. He wasn’t hard to manage and he found himself enjoying his things cold more often than not. Blankets, showers, scrambled eggs. Everything else in the town was too hot for him.
The girls were still deliberating over the headlines so Remus opted to focus on the rhythm of his chewing. The pepper ground into his teeth, making a hissing noise and burning his tongue in patches. It caused a deep friction between the sharper teeth in the front of his mouth, reminding him of a similar sensation- one much more coarse and sinewy. He stopped chewing, suddenly at a loss for his appetite. He couldn’t eat the eggs, much less something like bacon. Even in the coursing daylight, he could feel the glare of the moon at his back. It was getting closer.
He hated those damn werewolves. He hated the way he saw their thick backs of fur when he hunted them down on the full moon. He hated the sound of their pawing and howling and their restless aggression. It was savage. He wanted to kill every last one of them- their death by his gun he hoped would be slow and painful.
Even if he knew he would turn during the moon the same way they all did.
But Remus was different from them. He was civilized, collected, beloved. He ran the ranch and watched the neighbors livestock. He talked sweetly with the kids at Sunday mass with his thick country words. The people in town called him “‘ol trail pony” because of how patient he was, not just with the kids but with everyone he loved. He was brash, but he knew where his loyalties laid.
And he was preparing for the next moon with each passing day, his growing instincts fueling his need to protect everyone from those savages. He was certain he could control it this time and manage not to turn. Remus knew he’d be stronger than it.
“Remus, get your head out of the clouds and eat,” Lily offhandedly remarked on the side of their conversation. “If not, give it to me. I didn’t want Ma to see me getting seconds.”
Remus rolled his eyes and slid his plate across the table to Lily with the back of his hand. His other hand rested over his mouth, keeping his teeth in his mouth while they ruminated over the awful sensation of the eggs he had eaten. Lily grabbed the edge with her finger and speared the eggs. Remus felt bile simmer in his stomach as she shamelessly used the same fork that had grazed the sharper teeth that laid near the front of Remus’s mouth. The same teeth that had touched the hides of helpless animals. All while her elbow cornered the headline they had just been raving about: LAST FULL MOON LEADS TO DEATH OF FIVE TEENS!
Remus didn’t have the chance to finish reading the words before his chair scraped the wood floors and he was hunched over himself on the front porch. The sick was gone as soon as it had come, splayed across the grass, but the feeling of unease didn’t leave his stomach the same way the eggs had. It lingered there in the darkness of his mind, and in the heat of the sun. Some days he even thought he’d prefer the chill of the full moon to the incessant heat of the day. But that was a dangerous thought that he always killed before it started. Instead he let his skin burn for a minute, praying that it may burn away his curse with it.
He heard boots and voices over the next few minutes but they let him kneel in the grass without disturbing him too much. In that moment his heart burned with the need to be cured. It was as if each minute closer to the moon was pressing against the marrow of his bones, reminding him of the weight of his canid limbs where they rested on his thighs. He wanted a cigarette. He wanted his gun at his hip.
He didn’t feel much else through the heat except Marlene’s rough hands on his shoulder and Lily’s sympathetic whispers. He’s always so sick, poor thing.
Yeah, right.