Chapter Text
Ivan remembered the first time he ever saw Till.
He had been tired, gross and in pain as he was led away from the space he’d been sold in. He remembered the collar clicking loudly around his neck and the salesperson making it very clear that he shouldn’t speak.
He remembered the feeling of the dirt and grime caked to his face that nobody bothered to wash off was also not something he’d forget easily. He remembered turning around to throw one last look at his enclosure, his prison.
Instead, his gaze had briefly met wide, teal eyes.
A boy was staring at him through a thick glass, pressing his hands up against it. Ivan noted that he was gagged as well as having a collar around his neck. Bad behavior probably . He thought blearily. Ivan’s eyes involuntarily slipped over the text he couldn’t read, the giant icon of a crossed out hand, indicating that nobody should try to touch the boy.
He only had to lock eyes with that boy once. That boy who would become his entire universe, who would give Ivan a reason to keep going as well as a reason to stop and let himself pave the way for the other.
Right now though, he was just the bringer of a brief spark of interest that dimmed again quickly. Ivan stared for just a moment longer before his previous owner pushed him towards the new one and he forgot again.
-0-
Mizi remembered being curious about the new boy in their year.
He had black hair and black eyes, introducing himself as Ivan. Everyone was nervous around him because he didn’t smile a lot but also didn’t get angry. He’d been here for a week now but still didn’t make any friends, reminding her a bit of herself.
The only difference was that while Mizi had been subdued and quiet most of the time, Ivan stepped on Till’s flower crown and they had started fighting. His eyes were almost always empty, except for that spark she saw when he was fighting with Till. It made Mizi curious.
So when he slipped out of his bed in the middle of the night, she followed him. He was careful, so she was too. She looked around corners for patrol bots and followed him through the familiar hallways to the garden.
Mizi hid behind a tree as Ivan, facing away from her, sank down next to the pond and… brought his hands to his lips? She watched curiously as he stared into the water while seemingly pulling at his lips. After a while he lowered his hands again, but he ended up bringing them back up just a moment later.
She decided to just go for it and made her way towards him. “Hey Ivan.” Mizi whispered, startling him.
He turned around, face still mostly expressionless. His eyes were slightly widened though, making Mizi suspect that he was surprised. She smiled brightly at him, placing her index finger over her lips. “Don’t yell, they’ll catch us.”
She sank down next to him at the pond after skipping over, tilting her head slightly. “What were you doing?”
Ivan turned away from her, muttering something she couldn’t understand. Mizi pouted. “Hmmm?” She asked, scooting a bit closer in hopes that he’d repeat what he said.
“Practicing.” He whispered, this time loud enough.
Mizi’s eyes widened. “Practicing what?” She asked, leaning in.
Ivan hesitated, but then his lips started to quiver slightly. Mizi watched in curiosity as he stretched his mouth over and over again, clearly trying to do something. She waited patiently, but Ivan eventually gave up, turning away from her again. “Smiling…” He admitted, probably embarrassed.
It finally clicked in Mizi’s head. Ivan didn’t not feel happy, he just didn’t know how to smile! She offered him a bright one of her own. “Then I’ll teach you!”
He stared at her, again with those slightly widened eyes. Mizi reached out but then stopped, remembering her owner telling her that not all humans liked to be touched without permission. “Can I touch your face?” Mizi therefore asked.
Ivan’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at her for a moment but he slowly nodded. Mizi placed her hands on his cheeks and pushed them up, his mouth going along. “Do you feel your muscles being there?” She asked, to which Ivan nodded.
“All right, try to lock them in place.” Mizi instructed as she slowly let go of his cheeks. Ivan clearly did his best, but the smile looked unnatural at best and creepy at worst. Still, Mizi thought it was a good start.
“Great job!” She exclaimed, to which Ivan immediately let it drop again. “Did you teach yourself?”
He shook his head. “They put things in my mouth to make me smile.” The boy explained, making Mizi falter a bit.
“That wasn’t nice of them.” She pouted, crossing her arms. She suddenly liked Ivan’s owners a lot less.
Ivan just shrugged. “Could’ve been worse.”
Mizi frowned. “I guess…” She muttered hesitantly. “But still, not nice! They should teach you how I’ve been teaching you. Try it again, push your cheeks up and keep your muscles there. It may feel weird right now but eventually, a smile will feel like a big, warm hug! Promise.”
Ivan did as she asked a few more times and Mizi watched his smile become more and more relaxed with each try. Eventually, he looked at her through his eyelashes and thanked her in a barely audible voice.
“No problem.” Mizi waved him off. “How about we practice again tomorrow? Then it’ll be light and we can see better. I’m sure Sua would help as well. She’s my friend, she always makes me smile!”
He nodded and stood up, Mizi quickly following his example. They stealthily made their way back to the dorms, sinking into their beds easily. Mizi fell asleep with the comforting knowledge that she’d just made another friend.
-0-
Sua remembered how difficult eating was with Mizi.
They sat at the white table, a similar tray in front of both of them. Till, and therefore also Ivan, sat across from them, bickering about something stupid again. Sua tuned them out in favour of watching Mizi poke her spoon at the vegetables on her plate with a pout.
She always did that, messing with the vegetables on her plate without eating them until the rest of her food also got cold. Sua always had to threaten to leave with her own, already empty, tray before Mizi actually ate the damned things.
Sua scooped up more peas and chewed on them thoughtfully as Mizi watched with a wrinkled nose. “I can’t believe you actually eat that stuff.” The pink haired girl grumbled. She then turned her attention to the two boys in front of them, pointing at them accusingly. “You either! How can you just shovel these gross, green disgraces to food inside your mouth like it’s nothing?!”
Till turned red, quickly putting down his spoon. Ivan just snorted. “Feeling poetic, Mizi?” He asked before taking another bite.
Mizi stuck out her tongue at him before picking up a single pea on her spoon and opening her mouth wide enough to fit in an entire loaf of bread. After working the tiny bite inside, she chewed with fake tears in her eyes and swallowed. Sua then watched in astonishment as Mizi started coughing dramatically.
“It burns!” She cried out. “Save me Sua!”
At that last sentence, she dramatically draped herself against Sua, arms around her neck and face buried in her shoulder. It made heat creep up Sua’s neck as she patted Mizi’s hair. “All right, all right.” She conceded, leaning over with her spoon to transfer Mizi’s vegetables onto her own plate.
Mizi cheered at that, immediately stopping her dramatic act that was fooling nobody. While Sua was wondering why she indulged the other girl so much, another spoon suddenly clinked against her own. She didn’t even have to look up to know that it was Till’s.
Sua looked up anyway, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Till. He flushed red and just took some of Mizi’s peas and mashed carrot onto his own plate. Sua knew he liked Mizi, how could she not. And while she didn’t enjoy sharing her Mizi in that way, she let him do his thing as long as it was subtle enough. Mizi was hers and she wasn’t about to let some dumb guitar boy take Mizi from her.
When Till was almost done and Mizi was looking at him like he hung the stars, Ivan’s spoon joined theirs, scraping off the last few spoonfuls of carrot.
The action almost made Sua snort as she watched Mizi’s attention glide off Till easily. When you looked for them, Ivan’s motives weren’t particularly to figure out. Sadly, Till never really looked for anything when it came to Ivan.
“Thank you guys!” Mizi cheered as she happily started munching on a bite of rice.
Right as Mizi’s eyes shut with a happy smile on her lips, Ivan leaned forward once more. This time though, it was to steal some of Mizi’s fried egg. When the pink haired girl saw him do so, she let out an undignified squawk. “Ivan!”
He immediately stuffed it in his mouth, taking great care to show her how much he enjoyed it. “It was an exchange of favours, Mizi.” He told her when his mouth was empty again. “Surely I don’t seem like the type to just eat your vegetables for you and not want anything in return?”
She pouted, but didn’t reply. Ivan smirked. “That’s what I thought.” He continued eating, Till watching him with a scowl.
“You could’ve been nicer, stupid.” Till grumbled at him. Sua sighed in defeat as Ivan quipped back, making Till snarl something at him.
Mizi, meanwhile, was just sulking while eating her rice. She had gotten some of it stuck on her cheek, making Sua sigh. She leaned in, turning Mizi’s head towards her by taking hold of her chin. Then, she wiped the rice from the corner of Mizi’s mouth with her thumb.
Mizi spluttered through her food, turning a fiery shade of red when Sua licked the rice off thumb. Sua grinned and then winked at Mizi.
Teasing her was so fun.
-0-
Till remembered how much he adored drawing.
He would often draw on his lyric sheets. Mostly Mizi, but sometimes other interesting things as well. He drew with a stick in the dirt of the garden, making fish and shapes that came together into things he didn’t understand.
He also drew on the walls, making landscapes and clouds and gardens of people, singing together happily.
Ivan often watched him draw, standing by him and asking him to add things. ( ‘Can you put in a bird?’ ‘I’ve only seen them before in a book, how am I supposed to draw one? Stupid.’ ‘Please?’ ‘...Fine, I’ll try’ ) Today, Ivan was there again.
Till was drawing a lake, like the one he’d seen in his picture book. It was surrounded by trees and a moon and the sea of stars hung above. He did his best on capturing the radiance of the stars, but eventually got bored and went back to the water.
“Till?” Ivan asked. Till hummed in reply, carefully highlighting a small wave. “Can you draw me?”
He stopped drawing in favour of turning to Ivan with a raised eyebrow. “And why would I draw you?” He asked sarcastically. “I only draw people I like.”
Ivan pouted. “You don’t like me? I’m hurt, Till.”
Till rolled his eyes. “You don’t like me either, idiot.” He responded as he went back to the wall sketched out some tree trunks, hesitating for a moment before roughly drawing some leaves. What he said to Ivan was the truth. Ivan and his ‘companionship’ had started out as Ivan stomping on the flower crown he made for Mizi and then beating him up.
Both of them had gotten into trouble for it, but Ivan was a lot more obedient, so he didn’t get a lot of privileges taken away. Till, meanwhile, had to endure another beating from his owner over it. That made him quite a bit bitter towards Ivan, but after a little over a year, he didn’t quite mind the boy’s presence as much anymore.
“You think I don’t like you?” Ivan asked quietly, almost breathlessly. Till frowned, turning back to him once again. “Huh?”
Ivan didn’t smile, like he would at anyone else in this situation. Till knew that Ivan didn’t smile to express his joy. Not really. His joy was shown by the slight crinkle of his eyes, the raising of his eyebrows and the spark of mischief that danced in those black holes.
The point was, Ivan would have smiled at anyone else. There was just a shimmer of something Till couldn’t place as he leaned in slightly. “I like you.” Ivan purred. “I like you a lot, Till. You’re my favourite person in the whole class.”
Till felt a flush creep up his cheeks as he quickly turned back once more. “Don’t say shit like that, idiot.” He hissed, nearly breaking his pencil as he aggressively drew the final lines of the tree. Till did not like Ivan. What did it even matter if Ivan liked him ? It wasn’t like he was gonna stop annoying Till.
Yeah. Till thought to himself. It was totally fine if Ivan didn’t hate him. Till would just hate him enough for the both of them.
-0-
Ivan remembered how he used to take care of Till after he was hurt by his owner.
It happened more times than he could count, but tonight Till couldn’t make it to dinner and even though his ‘performance’ had ended, they couldn’t find him anywhere. Mizi suggested smuggling out some food, so she and Sua had both hidden some of their dinner in their sleeves while Ivan nervously bounced his knee.
He hated keeping up his obedient persona, but promised himself that he’d do it to keep his special privileges. Especially when he, after a year of not getting into any fights (that the caretakers knew about) managed to learn how to take off the collars and got his own removed semi-permanently sometimes.
Till, in comparison, had only gotten more and more rebellious. More often than not, he had to be sedated or held still for his physicals and forced into practicing dancing and singing while hooked onto devices. Till loved singing and making music, but on his own terms. As much as that was possible anyway.
Till also hated all the aliens. In the comfort of their white, empty dorm he would sometimes talk about how he wished that he could kill them all and just live with the four of them in the garden. When Ivan asked what he would want to do if they were still on earth, Till told him he’d want to draw and sing. He didn’t ask the same of Ivan in return, which was probably a good thing. Ivan didn’t even know what he’d answer. He didn’t mind singing per se, but he wouldn’t want to do it for his whole life. Maybe he’d just stay with Till until they were both old and passed away peacefully.
Mizi and Sua hid the food while Ivan ran to grab the bandages and painkillers he stole from his owner after a patron had injured him. His owner had been furious and Ivan never saw that patron again, but he knew that it wasn’t because Ivan had been hurt. It was because the patron touched a possession he wasn’t allowed to touch.
The three of them ran around the hall, carefully making sure nothing saw them as they looked in all of Till’s usual hiding spots. The last one they could think of was one of small side hallways in the maze they didn't get to come often with a bunch of broom closets and storage spaces.
And indeed, a soft whimper caught Ivan’s ear. He nodded at the two girls and the small group immediately hurried towards the source. “Till?” He whisper-shouted. There was no answer. “Mizi, you call out to him.” Ivan hissed at her.
Mizi frowned, but did what he asked of her. They stopped, bare feet no longer making any sound on the metal floor to ensure they didn’t miss the broken “Mi…zi?”, coming from somewhere to their left.
Ivan immediately pivoted towards the hallway he believed Till to be in and lo and behold, there he was.
Till looked awful. His pants were dirty, his shirt was rumpled and there was blood on both clothing articles. That wasn’t even mentioning his hair and face. Ivan wanted to scream at the bruises, blood and grime on the other boy’s face. And while, yes, Ivan used to fight with Till too, Till could actually fight back in those situations. Ivan had seen Till’s owner once and that was not someone Till was even remotely equipped to fight against.
Still, the blood was evidence that Till did try.
Mizi gasped in shock. It occurred to Ivan that this was probably the first time she’d seen Till this battered. Sua let out a curse under her breath as Ivan sank down next to the silver-haired boy. He pulled a white towel from his sleeve, carefully starting to dab the wounds that were still actively bleeding.
Till’s eyes opened a little, though Ivan realized that his vision was probably blurry. “Mizi?” Till asked, barely audible.
Ivan shushed him, carefully wiping more of the blood from his face. “Hand me the water bottle.” He instructed the girls. “And be on the lookout for patrol bots and aliens.”
He stopped paying attention to the two when Sua handed him a bottle of lukewarm water. Ivan carefully poured some of it out over the cloth and continued carefully cleaning his wounds. He glanced at Till’s shirt, which was stained with blood from wounds on his upper body.
Ivan muttered out a curse as he carefully lifted Till’s shirt. “Please put your arms up.” He pleaded. “I’m not that strong.”
Till squeezed his eyes shut and tried to do as Ivan asked, raising his arms slightly. “Great job, you’re doing so good.” Ivan quickly assured him as he pulled Till’s shirt off him, leaving only a battered, bloodied mess of an upper body.
He hated Till’s owner so much. He wanted him to die a horrible, painful death. Preferably where Ivan could see. He wanted to tuck Till away in a blanket fort where nothing and nobody could ever hurt him again.
Ivan poured out some more water over the already blood stained cloth and once again cleaned Till’s wounds. When he came to his ribs, Till cried out in pain, making Ivan immediately hold still. Were his ribs broken? That was probably it. Bruised at least. God, Ivan wanted to drown Till’s owner in a lake. Maybe break all the bones in his undeserving body first.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Ivan shushed him, carding his hands through Till’s hair. “You’ll be okay. I’m going to give you a painkiller and you’ll be okay. Till, Till look at me, I’ll make the hurt go away, I promise.”
He knew that he was rambling, but Till relaxed a bit in his arms, so Ivan wouldn’t complain. He pulled the small box of painkillers from his inside pocket and took one out. “Swallow it and then drink some water. Can you do that for me Till? Just say yes if you can.” Ivan pleaded, waiting for Till’s response.
“O…kay.” Till whispered and Ivan almost sagged in relief. He carefully opened Till’s mouth with his hand, placing the tablet in. The taller boy squirmed for a moment, trying to dry swallow the pill. He eventually managed it though.
Murmuring more praises, Ivan carefully poured some water into Till’s mouth, hopefully helping with the painful dryness the pill had undoubtedly left in his throat. Till swallowed awkwardly, squirming when his ribs moved with the motion.
Ivan pulled out the bandages from another pocket. He started to wrap them around Till’s upper body, being careful around his ribs. He didn’t want the bandage to fall off but also didn’t want to cause Till more pain.
He’d done this before. It wasn’t the first time that Till got injured, not even the first time it was this bad. But Ivan always felt like it was the first time. Like his hands were still tiny, inexperienced and shaking as they clumsily wrapped the bandages around Till’s wounds.
Ivan hated feeling like that, like he couldn’t do anything. It made him feel useless, like Till shouldn’t keep him around. Because it wasn’t like Ivan could do anything useful anyway. He was just a sad little street rat. Sad and undeserving of-
“Ivan!” Mizi hissed. “Patrol bot coming this way.”
He immediately covered Till’s mouth with his hand, making the boy splutter. “Be quiet.” Ivan instructed him as Sua pulled Mizi down and hid her pink hair under the napkin they brought along. Till, luckily, stilled, allowing Ivan to pull the girls into the corner with them.
They held their breaths as the patrol bot passed. It luckily didn’t notice them, continuing on its merry way. Only when the whirring noise of the wheels had truly faded did they finally take a breath again.
“That was too close.” Sua muttered. Mizi nodded in agreement but Ivan just shrugged. “It would be ‘too close’ if it came into the hallway and we all had to hide in a broom closet.” He told the girls before turning his attention back to Till.
Ivan brushed a lock of silver hair out of Till’s eyes. He stared at Ivan, gaze unfocussed and still struggling to breathe. “I…van?” He asked, eyes widening a bit as if he realized something.
Ivan smiled and nodded. “It’s me, I’m here for you Till.”
Till swallowed dryly. “Can I- Water?”
He immediately picked up the bottle again, carefully pouring a little into Till’s mouth. The boy swallowed once more, Ivan watching in fascination as his throat bobbed. “Do you want some food as well?” He asked.
Till nodded slowly, then winced. His head probably still hurt, Ivan thought absentmindedly as he turned to Mizi. “The steamed bun?” He requested.
She handed it to him and he went back to considering her existence unimportant. Ivan carefully tore off a small piece and tried to feed it to Till. Till, for his part, at least tried to swallow it but started coughing rather painfully.
Ivan immediately lowered his hand, trying to rectify his mistake. “I’m sorry.” He muttered frantically. “I’m sorry, I’ll make it right. Do you want to eat something else? Do you want me to chew the food for you? I’d let you eat my heart if you wanted it.”
The words were blurted out in a rush of panic. But all of them were true, and perhaps a bit too much for Till, who glared at him. “Freak.” He muttered. Ivan smiled, knowing now that Till would be okay.
-0-
Mizi remembered how silly her nightmares used to be.
She dreamt of a giant flower, like the ones in the garden, that hated being plucked and thrown around. It yelled at her to never touch it again. Mizi had cried out to it that she wasn’t afraid of it and touched its stem.
The flower had stilled for a moment and then roared. Mizi and her friends, who were hiding behind her, screamed as all the flowers and grass disappeared from underneath them, creating a giant, gaping hole.
Right as she fell, she woke up, bathed in cold sweat. The only light she saw in the darkness of her top bunk was the distressing, red glow of her collar. Her dress clung to her back and her feet felt uncomfortable against the drag of her blankets.
Mizi hated nightmares. They made her feel nasty and icky, but she always had them. Sua never seemed to have nightmares, or at least they didn’t bother her as much. Mizi curled up into a ball, trying not to think of Sua. She couldn’t just crawl into Sua’s bed again, it wouldn’t be fair. She kept waking Sua up every night and she believed that it was starting to affect her friend with how much Sua spaced out.
But as soon as Mizi closed her eyes, the scary flower filled her sight and she felt like falling once again. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up, clinging tightly to her blanket. Mizi needed to go to Sua.
Mizi crawled out of bed and descended the ladder as quickly yet also as quietly as she could. She couldn’t see very well in the dark without her glasses, but she could make out that Sua was still sleeping peacefully in the bed underneath hers, her blanket clutched in her hands and her hair falling around her head like a halo.
“Sua.” She whispered, nudging the sleeping angel. Mizi was pretty sure that Sua had been sent to personally torment her with her cute hair and her cute face and cute everything. “Sua?”
Sua stirred, groaning and turning towards Mizi. “Mizi?” She asked, rubbing her eyes. “Did you have another nightmare?”
Mizi felt tears welling up in her eyes and she nodded with a sniffle. Sua sighed and stretched out her arms. “C’mere.” She muttered.
There was no need to tell Mizi twice. She immediately slipped under the covers, making Sua chuckle. She wrapped an arm around Mizi, who smothered her face in Sua’s chest and snaked her arms around Sua’s waist.
Sua pressed her lips to the top of Mizi’s head. “Wanna talk about it?” She murmured into Mizi’s hair, stroking the ends of her long, pink locks with her free hand. “It’ll help you feel better”
The other girl sniffled, rubbing her wet face all over Sua’s dress. “I dunno.” She whispered. “It was really scary, I don’t wanna scare you too.”
Sua smiled. “It won’t.” She promised. “Not when we’re together. When Mizi is with me, nothing can scare me. And when I’m with Mizi, nothing will hurt her. Do you wanna know why?”
Mizi’s heart skipped a beat as she giggled, trying to look up at Sua through her tears. “Why?” She asked, breathless.
“Because I know that Mizi is safe, so I will be super strong.” Sua declared. “And if Mizi isn’t safe, I’ll become stronger until I’m strong enough to make her safe.”
That stopped the flow of tears, pulling a delightful crow out of Mizi as she snuggled up even further to Sua. “You’re my bestest friend in the whole universe!” She whisper-shouted into Sua’s shirt, trying to stay quiet for the others’ sake. “I love you sooooo much Sua!”
Sua stilled for a moment, making Mizi think she’d done something wrong. “I love you too, Mizi.” She replied gently, drowning out the worried voices in Mizi’s head.
They laid there in comfortable silence for a while. Mizi wasn’t sure if Sua had fallen asleep because the hands in her hair had stilled, but she started quietly speaking anyway. “We were playing with the flowers. Or just in the flower field? I’m not sure. Anyway, then there was a really big flower. It didn’t like that we were playing with it, so it told us to never touch it again.”
She stilled, tightening her hold on Sua slightly. “It- I was really dumb, Sua. I touched it anyway and it got really mad. Then all the flowers went away from underneath us and we all fell into a really big hole and then I woke up.”
Mizi felt tears well up in her eyes again. “I’m sorry, I was dumb and all of you got hurt because of me and-” A sniffle. “And I know it’s not real, but it still hurts real bad. I dunno why, but knowing something I did made you all get hurt felt really bad.”
Sua hummed, starting to stroke Mizi’s hair again. “The way I see it, you’re actually really brave.” Sua told her. “You touched the stupid flower, even when it was scary. And even though it was a dream, you still felt sad for hurting us. That has to be the bravest and kindest thing I’ve heard in a really long time.”
An unfamiliar heat crept up Mizi’s neck, spreading out over her cheeks. Maybe it was because it was dark, maybe it was because they just told each other that they loved each other, but those words felt different.
“Good night, Mizi.” Sua whispered, almost immediately making Mizi’s eyes heavy again. “Good night.” She returned before promptly falling back asleep.
-0-
Sua remembered the night they saw an aurora for the first time.
The group of four was laying on one of the hills without trees. All of these hills were filled with children, every single one ecstatic to finally be allowed out at night. They were always sent to bed at very strict times and sure, everybody snuck out every once in a while, but it wasn’t like the whole class could get away with it every night.
The main reason they were set loose outside was because they had all been on their best behaviour, hoping to see the aurora. The planet they stayed on made a really wide circle around its sun and tilted a lot too, one of their teachers had explained. Aurora’s were about as rare as meteor showers and could only be seen in really small areas.
As soon as their class had finished, Mizi hurried towards Sua, asking to watch the aurora together. The overexcited girl then dragged her to where the boys were already together, Till complaining about something to Ivan. Sua believed she could make out the words ‘stupid aurora’ and ‘useless to watch’. Ivan had just nodded along with a very serious expression.
Mizi had bounced up to Till, asking him excitedly if he and Ivan wanted to watch the aurora with her and Sua. Like a switch had been flipped, Till immediately told her it was a great idea and how excited he was, red like a tomato. Ivan had once again nodded along, agreeing with Till as if the grey haired boy’s behavior was completely normal.
During dinner, it was all Mizi had been able to talk about. She blabbered that her owner showed her a painting of an aurora and that she wanted to see it ever since. Sua didn’t really care for the glowing sky-lights, but didn’t say so. The look on Mizi’s face was more beautiful than a million aurora’s.
After taking a nap that afternoon and being instructed to try and think of some song lyrics while looking up at the sky, the cluster of children had flooded the gardens. Till and Ivan had immediately bolted towards the spot they picked out during playtime. Mizi and Sua followed a lot slower.
Sua watched Mizi look up at the cloudless sky and coo at how pretty it was, how the stars were so gorgeous and how it made her want to sing. Sua didn’t think the current sky wasn’t anything noteworthy, but she listened to her friend ramble as they clambered up the hill.
Ivan and Till were huddled together in the grass. Ivan was trying to snuggle closer to Till, who kept pushing his face away and yelling at him. Mizi laughed at the sight of them, falling down beside Till on the boy’s other side, Sua following her example a moment later and placing herself next to Mizi.
“I’m so glad they’re allowing us to watch!” The girl chirped. Till nodded, ignoring Ivan as the raven haired boy hugged him from the side and buried his face in Till’s shoulder. Sua wanted to laugh at how stupid the black haired boy looked, but she didn’t want to ruin this moment for him.
The group of children looked up, waiting for something to happen. “Why is the aurora taking so long?” Mizi asked with a pout.
“Maybe it’s tired?” Till suggested, making Mizi giggle. “Maybe.” She agreed. “Wanna find shapes in the stars? Whoever can find the best shapes wins!”
They spent the next hour pointing out shapes in the stars. Mizi swore up and down that a square of stars she drew was a sheep while Ivan was convinced that it was a turtle. Till, like the downbad loser he was, agreed with Mizi almost instantly. Just to contrast him, Sua sided with Ivan.
She enjoyed it, bickering with her friends. It made her feel full and happy. Sua gazed up, silently awaiting the aurora. She could feel it building in her chest, like it had been biding its time until they weren’t looking for it anymore
Then, there was a spark. Mizi heard Sua gasp and cling to her arm even tighter as green light engulfed their vision.
It was beautiful, like an explosion of colour that washed over the sky, flickering between the stars. Even Till and Ivan fell silent, presumably also staring up at the sky in awe. “It’s so pretty.” Mizi breathed.
“Yeah…” Till answered softly. Sua then felt Mizi shift away from her slightly to lean into Till. She knew why it was. Till was taller and could therefore offer Mizi more comfort, but she still disliked it.
Sua immediately followed Mizi, still clinging to the pink-haired girl tightly. Just like that, they were all hugging each other tightly, Sua and Till both clinging to Mizi and Ivan hugging Till from behind. She couldn’t bring herself to mind though. They were all friends and even if Sua hated the idea of Till and Mizi giggling and kissing each other’s cheek, she’d just go into mourning with Ivan and make sure her friends could be happy together.
“I never want this moment to end.” Sua admitted quietly. “I don’t want to go back inside with this image burning behind my eyes.”
It was quiet for a moment, but then Ivan whispered a confession of his own. “I’m so glad I was picked off the streets. Even if I have to participate in Alien Stage eventually, it will have been worth it because I knew you all.”
“I hope we can be friends forever, even when we participate I’ll still be your friends!” Mizi chirped. “I always wanna have you guys by my side!”
Silence fell over the small group, the word ‘forever’ hanging painfully between them. Only the roaring of the aurora overhead and their soft breathing was still heard.
Sua knew that Mizi didn’t understand what participating in Alien Stage meant. None of them probably understood the full extent of what it meant, but Mizi fully couldn’t comprehend the idea of death. She had been born into captivity and sold around a little before arriving at her current owner.
Mizi’s owner was kind. As kind as an owner could get. She cared for Mizi, didn’t want her pet to get hurt but also wanted to hear her ‘cries’ very badly. So Mizi was spoiled with presents, sweets and was cooed over at every performance. It was different from Sua, whose owner barely called for her and sneered at her when she was called. Definitely different from Ivan, whose owner gave him stuff as long as he behaved and was the ‘perfect pet’. And Till’s owner…
None of them liked to think about Till’s owner.
So Mizi lived in delusion that the world was kind, when it had only been so kind to her. Mizi never had someone she cared about die, was never cut and bruised with words or fists, was never abandoned or discarded.
Sua didn’t know who was going to eventually be the one to tell Mizi. It would probably be Ivan, thinking back to the things he said to Sua about getting close to Mizi and then dying for her. But it would probably be later, when they couldn’t keep Mizi happy and pure anymore.
They lazily laid there for a long while, looking at the pretty colours in the sky. But like all good things, that too ended.
All the children who had stayed outside for the whole thing were whisked back inside and herded into bed. As soon as the door closed, Mizi dragged Sua towards where Ivan had already crawled into Till’s bed and they snuggled up together.
For now, the future didn’t matter. As long as they were all together, the future didn’t matter.
-0-
Till remembered how his drawing inspiration started shifting.
He’d gotten a sketchbook from Ivan for his birthday, who had apparently saved up favours for it and acted on his best behavior. Along with the giant stack of bound together paper, Ivan’s gift had also included a few pencils with erasers and even a fineliner! Till was really happy with it, so happy in fact that he had stuttered out a modest: ‘thank you’ before running off to the dorm room to start drawing.
The first few pages were, predictably, filled with Mizi. Till adored drawing her almost as much as he adored the girl herself. She was his muse, he loved her so much. Her smile, the way she called out to him, how she was the only positive person in this hellhole. He also loved how she cared for Sua, even if it stung a little.
Till wasn’t a child anymore, he knew he had no chance with Mizi. She clearly loved him, but not how he loved her. Mizi looked at Sua like she was her whole world, just like how Till liked to look at her.
Strangely, he found himself not minding that much. He could sit beside her, share in her happiness to keep the sadness from dragging him down into the pit of despair they faced. Till didn’t mind being Mizi’s family, as long as he was her something .
When he finished getting Mizi off his mind, Till would draw other pretty things. He’d draw the trees, the sky full of stars and the animals the four of them traced between them. He drew the metal panels of the floor leading outside, but with untamed grass and weeds growing between the cracks. He drew the flowers in the garden and in his books.
He never drew anyone else other than Mizi though. Like he told Ivan a while ago, he only draws the people he likes.
Today, Till had an awful day. The food they served at both breakfast and lunch was gross, his classes went awfully, he snapped a class pencil while drawing on the walls outside, his singing was off tune and he still couldn’t dance for shit.
With all those things that went wrong, he wasn’t allowed to play outside anymore and had been sent back to the dorm early. Till groaned into his pillow. Fucking great . He thought to himself. What am I going to do now?
In the end, what Till decided to do was draw Mizi. He let his hand guide the pencil over the paper, smooth lines forming into a familiar face as he let all the thoughts slip from his mind. While Till was colouring in the eyes, his hand suddenly halted.
Mizi’s eyes weren’t pitch black… why was he drawing them like that.
His brain finally caught up to him when he realized he wasn’t drawing Mizi at all, and instead Ivan was appearing on his paper. His smug grin- the real one, not the fake he showed everyone else- had been captured in rough lines while his hair messily hung around his head.
Till stared at it, brain trying to process what in the world was going on. Why did he draw Ivan ? Of all the people in Anakt garden, why him ?
He stared at the paper for a while longer, considering crumpling it up and throwing it into the trash, but that would just be a waste of paper, since he only drew one small sketch on a two sided page.
Yet, he also couldn’t draw Mizi right next to Ivan… that would be unfair to drawing-Mizi, even though the real one got along with Ivan just fine, he couldn’t immortalize her on paper next to the idiot, could he?
So, Till chose for the only remaining option: He drew Ivan again. This time it was from the side as he stole a glance at Till. Then another sketch of just Ivan’s eyes with stars reflected in them. Then one of Ivan’s usual, apathetic look. Then Ivan from above, Ivan’s face smushed into a pillow, Ivan holding a flower and staring at it gently.
Till didn’t even notice that he’d turned the page as he continued filling it with Ivan. He sat there, eyes laser focussed on the lines on the page. He drew Ivan from all angles in all sorts of poses.
The next page was just Ivan with Till. He drew himself with much less attention than Ivan, resulting in slightly scuffed results. Till portrayed how Ivan was always hanging off him, prodding and annoying him when he was doing his own thing.
He finally came back to himself halfway through a drawing of Ivan’s smug face very very close to Till’s.
Till shrieked and barely resisted throwing his things through the room, instead opting for flipping the sketchbook around on the bed and crawling back against the headboard. His breathing was strained in panic as he stared at the upside down sketchbook.
What the fuck??
He felt like a cat who just had water dumped over him, ignoring the weird looks from the roommates that had already come back to the dorm. Finishing a few Ivan sketches to fill up the page had been fine, productive and even a bit fun. But drawing him over and over again for three pages? Till couldn’t really make up an excuse for that.
He picked up the sketchbook again, looking at the drawings he made with intrigue. To his horror, he actually liked some of the drawings more than the ones he made of Mizi. Ivan felt more… alive on his paper than Mizi. Till flipped the page, once again coming back to the drawing of Ivan’s face next to Till’s.
His own expression was one of surprise and… Till slowly picked up the pencil and added a few lines on his cheek, signifying a blush.
As soon as he’d done it, he wanted to throw the sketchbook into a river again. Why did Ivan make him feel this way? First just when they were together but now also when they were apart. Till didn’t like this feeling at all.
He stared at the filled paper, too absorbed in his own thoughts to hear the door open and a familiar set of footsteps make their way towards the bed.
“What’ya drawing Till~?” A familiar voice purred in his ear.
Till felt his cheeks flush and he raised his sketchbook to slam it against Ivan’s head. The raven haired boy laughed as he cradled his cheek. “Till, how could you be so cruel.” He whined. “Can’t I see? It’s just Mizi so who cares if I see.”
But Till didn’t give an inch, keeping the sketchbook tucked close to his chest and leaning as far away from Ivan as he could without falling off the bed. “Nu-uh.” He said, narrowing his eyes at Ivan.
A familiar, mischievous smile crept up Ivan’s lips and he shuffled even closer to Till. “C’mon, just show me what you drew~ You don’t have to be embarrassed, I won’t laugh at you.” Ivan stilled for a moment before adding a quick: “Much.”
Till turned his head, too embarrassed to look Ivan in the eye much longer. This turned out to be the worst decision he could’ve possibly made, as Ivan pounced immediately.
He started tickling Till, who shrieked for the second time that day and let go of his sketchbook immediately. Ivan, the sadistic fucker, kept going for just a moment longer before picking up the book and darting towards the ladder.
Till cursed, knowing that Ivan would have a natural advantage up there and would kick him off until he’d sufficiently admired Till’s embarrassing drawings. He scrambled to keep Ivan from climbing up but it was futile.
“Ivan!” He cried out. “Ivan, give it back!”
Ivan just struck out his tongue at Till, keeping him off the bed by kicking in the direction of the ladder. Till could actually feel his soul leave his body when Ivan looked at the sketches. The other boy’s eyes widened and his eyebrows raised.
“See! That’s why I didn’t wanna show you, now give it back.” Till pleaded, voice almost becoming whiny as Ivan lazily flipped a page, still kicking at Till’s face when he tried to climb onto the bed.
The grin on Ivan’s face widened as he came to the ‘interactions’ page. “Till~” He teased. “I thought you only drew people you liked?”
Till turned a fiery red. “Yeah- Well, this was an exception! I drew you so many times because I was gonna tear out the pages and set them on fire. Because I hate you! Super much!”
Ivan giggled as he tossed the sketchbook towards Till, who barely managed to catch it without falling off the ladder. “You like me!” He chirped. “Till likes me~ Till likes me enough to draw me!”
“I don’t!” Till refuted, but it didn’t do much against Ivan’s ecstatic smile. He was still red as a beet while clutching the book against his chest. “I… don’t.”
And that ended up being the start of a very confusing time in Till’s life. In another life, it would be called out as a ‘gay panic’ or a ‘bisexual awakening’, but Till had no ideas those terms ever existed, so instead he was left to marinate in his feelings while Ivan cackled maniacally in the back.