Chapter Text
The kitchen light hits her like a slap in the face. Ellie vaguely remembers Joel saying a patrol found some light bulbs that would be distributed around Jackson (and his frankly embarrassing excitement at the prospect of being able to see while he cooked). She hadn’t had much of an opinion about that back then, but right now it feels like an attack.
She squinted and groaned before pulling the hood of her sweatshirt down over her eyes and muttering, “This is a war crime.” while blindly reaching for the counter that should be somewhere in front of her.
“Toast’s on the table, your backpack is by the door.” Joel replied quickly, his focus occupied by his toolbelt that he had spread across the kitchen counter as he fixed the clasp that had given out the day before. “You’ve got four minutes before we gotta be walkin’.”
Ellie glared through the hood of her sweatshirt but plunked down at her usual kitchen chair anyway, taking a bite of her toast before speaking as she chewed. “I’m filing a formal complaint about the fucking existence of light bulbs.”
Joel snorted as he gathered his toolbelt and tossed it over his shoulder before moving to grab his previously abandoned mug of coffee. “You want some coffee? It makes the existence of light bulbs more bearable.”
Ellie wrinkled her nose, pushing her hood back enough to make eye contact with Joel to ensure her words stuck. “Coffee tastes like burnt dirt and bad decisions.”
“Then I’ll take two cups of burnt dirt with a side of bad decisions.” Joel replied, taking a noisy slurp from his mug.
Ellie grumbled under her breath as she slumped forward so her head rested on her arms on the table. Her temples had started to throb while she’d been in the shower this morning and Joel’s beloved light bulbs were making it worse. She’d had headaches like this before – after they’d returned from the Fireflies she’d been taken out by a migraine for nearly a week – but the way this pain had wrapped around her brain and shot down her spine was terrifyingly unfamiliar.
“Alright Kiddo, let’s hit the road.” Joel called out as he put his mug in the sink before turning to see Ellie laying on the table with her barely touched plate of toast in front of her. “You good?”
Ellie nodded automatically, sitting up and plastering as sincere of a grin as possible on her face as she excused her behavior. “Just mourning the loss of your damn soul to the evil bean juice.”
Joel rolled his eyes but proceeded to wrap the remainder into a cloth napkin that he placed in her hands before practically pushing her out the front door.
Ellie flinched slightly at the light. It felt brighter than usual, like it was pressing directly into her skull, but she kept her head down and matched Joel’s stride as they headed towards the schoolhouse. She tried to feign interest as he talked about a materials issue with the greenhouse repairs but she cared even less than usual.
“I swear Tommy would be fine fixin’ everything with duct tape and optimism if I let him.” Joel joked with a laugh.
Ellie smirked, the action tugging uncomfortably at her temples. “He sounds like a fucking visionary.”
“More like a damn hazard.” Joel corrected as they turned onto the street corner that housed Jackson’s school.
Ellie adjusted her backpack, trying not to wince at the tug across her shoulder. Her head was pounding in time with her pulse now, but wasn’t about to worry Joel unnecessarily. Even if the pain was worse than usual, she’d had migraines before. She just needed to get through the day so she could go home and burrow into her bed for the rest of the day.
Unfortunately, Ellie’s prolonged silence worried Joel more than if she’d just admitted what was going on. “You sure you’re good, baby?” He asked again, his voice gentler this time.
“Yeah.” Ellie replied immediately. “Just allergic to those fucking light bulbs.”
Joel rolled his eyes before kissing the top of her head and stepping back to give her a once over. “Well you let those teachers know if you start havin’ trouble breathing with all those lights in there.”
“I can already feel my throat closing up.” Ellie replied, grasping dramatically at her neck and making a fake choking noise before turning towards the school and rushing up the stairs.
The pain continued to sharpen as she made her way down the hallway towards the art classroom where she’d be spending most of her day today. Pretending she was fine was nothing new to Ellie – it was always easier to pretend than to explain – and it worked for the bulk of the day she’d spent working on a painting in the art room. However, the afternoon lecture on agricultural diversity was proving far too much for her to process.
As the lecture droned on Ellie’s focus slipped further and she hadn’t even realized she’d set her head down in her arms in front of her until Blake who sat behind her poked her with their pencil alerting her to their teacher standing directly in front of her.
“Ellie.” Ms. Hannah tapped her hand gently on the desk to get her attention. “Let’s wake up now.”
She immediately regrets snapping her head up to meet her teacher’s gaze when another throb of pain wraps around her head, prompting her to spit out a frustrated, “Fucking hell.” in response to her teacher’s admonishment.
“ Ellie. ” Ms. Hannah frowned in frustration. She was nice enough, but out of all the teachers in the school she was definitely the least patient with Ellie’s signature ‘colorful’ language. “Please gather your things and go to the front desk. I’d like for you not to return to my class until you are ready to contribute to a productive group learning environment.”
It’s almost infuriating how different Jackson is to Boston. When she gets in trouble here the adults are so nice about it and it confuses the hell out of her. How are you supposed to argue back when they’re so reasonable about their requests?
With nothing to protest she simply nods and complies, grabbing her backpack from beneath her chair and trudging towards the door.
Dina and Jesse offer her sympathetic frowns as she passes their desks, Dina reaching up to shove the books hanging haphazardly out of her backpack’s open zipper back into the bag to prevent any further humiliation during her trek out of the room.
It wasn’t often that their teachers even sent students out of class. She’d quickly learned that discipline was a topic of intense disagreement in a world where so many parents wanted to protect their kids from anything resembling the horrors they’d experienced outside of the safety of Jackson’s walls. So when anything even resembling a punishment happened at the school it became the business of the whole town by the end of the day.
Ellie couldn’t bring herself to care much about her inevitable headlining of the Jackson gossip mill that evening as she dropped her backpack unceremoniously on the bench by the front desk before slumping down next to it and burying her head in her hands in an attempt to block out the continuous sound of chaos that always filled the halls of the school.
The noise filters through her arms for what seems like hours before she feels a hand on her shoulder at the same time that she recognizes she’s being spoken to. “Ellie?”
She startled at the sudden touch and pulled away from it awkwardly, her unconsidered movements sending her already aching head slamming back against the wall behind her and prompting another, “Motherfucker!” to fall from her lips.
Maria pursed her lips as she observed her niece’s reaction. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen Ellie frightened by someone else, nor was it the first time she’d been the one to scare her herself, but it had been some time since she’d seen such a strong reaction from her over something as innocuous as a hand on her shoulder.
“Hey.” Maria reached out to Ellie once more, this time holding her hand out in front of her as an offering rather than initiating the touch herself. “Joel and Tommy are out helping with the refurbishment of the Spring Creek patrol checkpoints so you’re stuck with me for now.”
Ellie nodded in understanding, her right hand reaching back to rub the already forming bump on the back of her head while the other waved Maria’s away.
Maria waited for nearly five minutes for Ellie to initiate a conversation, but the normally talkative girl stayed silent so she eventually asked another question. “Do you need me to ask the tower to call their group back?”
“No.” Ellie’s response was immediate, and not at all surprising.
While the girl tried to hide her insecurities behind a wall of bravado and expletives, Maria had been observing her long enough in the privacy of their own and Joel and Ellie’s home to know that Ellie was terrified of causing even the slightest inconvenience for Joel.
She also knows from observing Joel that he longs for her to inconvenience him with anything and everything she’s willing to share.
But right now Ellie is her concern, so she doesn’t push her niece. Instead she reaches down to zip up the ragged backpack next to her before slinging it over her own shoulder and reaching out her hand once again. “Let’s get going. I left Sofia at the council building with Emily to keep her nap schedule, but she’ll be waking up any minute.”
Ellie easily complies, but doesn’t take Maria’s outstretched hand to help herself off from the bench, instead biting down on her lip to silence the groan of pain that comes when being upright again sends another spike through her skull before following her aunt out of the building.
Several hours later Ellie wakes on the sofa in Tommy and Maria’s living room with a quilt from the extra bed in Sofia’s room tucked around her and a pillow beneath her head – neither of which had been there when she’d fallen asleep.
It takes a few minutes to figure out what woke her up but eventually the gentle timber of Joel’s voice carried through the doorway between her and the kitchen once more. “She didn’t say anything?”
Maria shook her head before nodding for Joel to hold the strainer above the sink so she could drain the pot she was lifting from the stove. “Just that she didn’t want me to have you called back. It seems like she’s got a hell of a migraine, probably nothing more than that.”
Joel nodded, wringing his hands nervously once he’d helped Maria transfer the pasta back to the now drained pot. “Thank you for takin’ care of her.”
“Always, Joel. You know that.” Maria dismissed him easily. “Go see if she’s feeling any better. If she is, she'll probably be hungry.”
He nodded, his worries already tightening in his chest, and crossed the room quietly. From the doorway of the living room he could see Ellie, bundled in that faded quilt she pretended not to like, one arm slung over her face and the other limp at her side. Her chest rose and fell in the steady rhythm of sleep, but there was something in the way she curled in on herself that made his stomach twist. Joel crouched beside the couch and smiled softly when her eyes cracked open.
“Hey, baby girl.” Joel greeted as he sat down next to her where her legs had been only moments before. “Heard you’re not feeling well?”
Ellie shrugged beneath the quilt, not offering much else other than snuggling against Joel’s side with a soft sigh.
Content with just holding the kid he’d heard was sick the moment he’d made it through the walls, he waits until Ellie moves again to ask her what she wants to do. “Maria’s makin’ bolognese and invited us to stay. You wanna stick around or go home?”
Her response is muffled against him but it’s what he’d expected anyway. “Home.”
Joel nodded easily. “Home it is.” He agreed, stretching out his arms and legs a bit before groaning and moving to stand again. “Let me just go let Maria know we’re headin’ out and then I’ll walk you back.”
Moments later he returned with two mismatched tupperwares filled with dinner. “Told me to take it with us. Can’t leave the pasta gremlin wanting when she’s not feelin’ good.”
She does her best to hide the roll of nausea that courses through her at the prospect of food as she takes Joel’s outstretched hand to haul herself off from the couch before trailing behind him across the street.
Once they’re back at home Ellie makes a beeline for the living room and she doesn’t have to tell Joel that she’s not interested in dinner for him to detour to the kitchen to place the containers in the fridge. When he makes his own way to the living room he finds her curled up on the couch with one of his flannels over her own clothes. He can’t help but hover a bit when Ellie doesn’t turn to make sure it’s him when he enters the way she normally does. “Ellie, you’re really pale.”
Ellie snuggled further into the couch as she managed a deadpanned response. “I’m always pale.”
Joel shook his head as he sat down next to her, his palm easily covering the entirety of her forehead as he checked her for a temperature. “Somethin’ nasty going around town?”
She squints her eyes open just wide enough to watch his response as she muttered back, “Just you.” before quickly falling asleep with her head resting on Joel’s lap.
The next few days pass in a blur throughout which Ellie doesn’t actually feel that much better, but after three days at home in bed with Joel, Tommy, and Maria rotating in and out to make sure she was still breathing she was ready to put up with pretty much anything just to escape the suffocation of being constantly watched.
Which is why she powers through the lingering headache and manages to take a shower and get fully dressed by the time Joel comes down for breakfast. “Come on old man, I’m gonna be fucking late if you don’t step on it.”
“It’s Friday, kid.” Joel replied with a furrowed brow. “If you’re feelin’ better, might as well take today to be sure, then start fresh Monday.”
Ellie shook her head as she clumsily stirred the bowl of watery oatmeal in front of her – hopeful that just moving it would convince Joel she’d eaten some of it before he came down. “I’m fine. You’re just looking for a fucking excuse to get out of the greenhouse maintenance this afternoon.”
Joel glared back at her in exasperation, but he couldn’t deny the accusation given that he’d been complaining about the task for weeks so he shook his head and asked, “Are you absolutely sure, Ellie?”
“Yup.” Ellie replied with a forced grin and a pop of her lips at the end of the word. “Have fun being a communist with Tommy!”