Chapter Text
If Karkat had found the last three years irritating, it was nothing compared to the events of the last few days. Reconvening with John and Jade was fine, even welcome. As dumb as John was at times, Karkat had actually missed him a little bit, and Jade wasn't particularly offensive, at least compared with the rest of the folks Karkat was used to dealing with.
The problem was, their reunion wasn't just that. It was also entering the post-scratch universe. Which entailed meeting the dancestor versions of the kids. Yeah, they were inevitable, and the scratch had been their only hope of beating the game but fuck, Karkat hadn't expected them to be even worse than the originals.
Jane's laugh – annoying and forced – was the worst thing about her, which simply meant that she was as dull as a beige wall. Roxy was loud and managed to sporadically mispronounce random words with no rhyme or reason while trying to be funny in all the wrong ways. The two of them were positively tolerable in comparison to the boys.
While John was a bit of a dunce at times and Jade a space cadet, the ectobiology must have gone horribly wrong to somehow coalesce every bit of their stupid into their male offspring. Jake was the most unbelievably thick excuse for a sentient life form that Karkat had ever met. Even Gamzee on sopor had been smarter than Jake, and made more sense too. Half the words that came out of his mouth were some bizarre, extinct Earth dialect, and Karkat couldn't be bothered to try to comprehend it.
And then there was the Strider. Another fucking Strider. As if that wasn't the last thing Karkat needed in his life.
Karkat had not believed it was possibly for anyone to exude douche vibes more intensely than Dave, but the multiverse taken his naïve assumption, laughed in his face, and spat on it.
From the moment they met, from the moment the alpha kids' annoying little god-tier clothed selves set foot on the meteor, from the moment Karkat caught glimpse of those ludicrous pointy shades, Karkat hated Dirk. The cocky fuck hadn't even acknowledged him; he was solely interested in his ectoparents and hadn't given the three trolls anything more than a cursory nod.
And then, not three days after the new kids arrived, John, Rose, Dave, and Jade all put on their special pjs, took the battlefield, and left.
“We'll be back in a couple of weeks, maybe,” John told Karkat. “I'm sorry we didn't get to hang around longer, but we have to go win this thing!”
“Of course you do; I'm not fucking complaining.”
“You look worried.”
“You're about to try to take on a Lord of Time who technically can't be beaten, you moron. I'd have to have a think pan as empty as the pity gland in an imperial drone not to be worried! Not to mention that if you bulgesuckers lose, it's not just your sorry asses on the line.”
John smiled with a glimmer of confidence. “We can do it.”
Karkat just rolled his eyes. “Get out of here already.”
John reached out for a hug and Karkat returned the gesture. It was short, and John was stiff and hesitant. Is he still awkward over that passing caliginous crush from years ago? Those feelings had long ago faded, not to mention that Karkat had experienced other unrequited hate-crushes more recently. A year or two ago, he might have been exasperated, but it was long enough ago that he didn't even sigh. He simply patted John on the back briefly in the platonic sort of way he'd observed was the norm in human culture and backed off.
“Well, see you again soon!” John said before rushing off to join Jade and Dave.
Karkat noticed Kanaya and Rose conversing in hushed tones as he left. Rose paused to offer him a nod, her expression a hard blank, as if she was veiling more than usual. Maybe she's the only one who really understands that they might not come back.
With that drastically unspectacular departure, Karkat was left stuck on the meteor with his ex-would-have-been-matesprit, a sulking rainbow drinker, his increasingly-elusive excuse for a moirail, and four new human kids, ranging from dull to unbearably obnoxious.
This was not going to be a fun couple of weeks.
Upon watching her sink the meteor into a vast blanket of nothingness after the others had departed, Karkat grudgingly admitted that Roxy, at least, was vaguely useful. It cut off their communications with outside, but the void powers offered them one last line of defense in case the others were unsuccessful. A weak, tenuous last line of defense, its success meaning surviving, but stuck here. Which is worse, being stuck in here with no hope or escape for the rest of my miserable life, or being destroyed? The perspective of his idle thoughts was less hypothetical than he would have liked.
Karkat avoided the usual haunts, Can Town and the library and the computer room. He told himself it wasn't because he missed anyone – especially not Dave – but he didn't really believe it. He found himself wandering towards the ectobiology lab. It shouldn't have been any more unsettling to meet the dancestors of the kids than those of his own friends – hell, more than the ectorelative of his own self – but the weirdness of the situation still haunted his mind. Another goddamn version of a Strider. Exactly what my life needs.
To Karkat's severe annoyance, said individual was not currently confined to a concept lingering in the troll's incessantly troubled cranial region, but was in fact in the flesh lingering in the ectobiology lab.
“What the fuck do you think you're doing here?”
Dirk looked up from the equipment he was examining. His deadpan expression was remarkably reminiscent of Dave's, though the amusement that haunted it was even subtler.
“Looking, obviously.”
“Congratulations on your witty comeback, Admiral Obvious. Why the fuck are you here?”
"Because I want to check out this outrageous technology."
Karkat gritted his teeth. Dirk seemed unconcerned, returning to fiddling with one of the knobs on the control panel.
“Here's an idea: Why don't you go want to be somewhere else instead of messing with my shit?”
"Why? I fail to see how this constitutes an invasion of your privacy, even if you were the one to use this lab. I distinctly remember Rose saying that Kanaya the space player in your session."
“I made the stupid future spawn-ancestor clones, jackass. The space player does the frogs.”
“I know. I also know you don't seem like the sort of troll who'd have a role in either undertaking.” Dirk moved slightly to examine a panel more closely, now squarely facing away from Karkat. The edge of his shades glinted in the sallow lighting.
“This isn't an argument about the validity of my role in the stupid game! This is about my shit, and you getting your nosy human self the fuck away from it.”
“So you can sulk in peace?”
“I am not sulking!” Karkat wasn't sure which pissed him off more; the too-true accusation, or the fact that Dirk was being rude as fuck, fiddling with controls and not even having the decency to glance over his shoulder when replying. At least Dave had fucking looked at him when they bickered.
“Stalking off from the rest of your buddies to hang out in an abandoned lab leftover from a failed attempt at universe buildin' sure looks like sulkin', dude.”
“Fuck you and also, get out.”
“Not goin' anywhere.”
Karkat rolled his eyes. I am so not in the mood for this. No, he was here to get some peace and quiet. If he couldn't find it here, he'd go find it somewhere else. He was not justifying this crannynozzle with more arguing. He gathered every ounce of his willpower, took a deep breath, and turned around.
There. Not arguing with anyone.
Letting that asshole get away with that.
No, going to find peace and quiet. Fuck whatever that asshole thinks.
Setting a bad precedent for future encounters.
Setting a good precedent for calming the fuck down. Look, I'm strolling down the hall, my shit admirably unflipped.
Going where exactly?
Somewhere to totally not argue with anyone.
Except yourself.
Karkat's lungs burned and he finally gasped, exhaling desperately. He leaned over, panting, hands on his knees, trying to return to normal breathing. Right. Not talking doesn't have to equal not breathing. His face burned with embarrassment as he heard someone else coming down the hall. Well fuck.
And that someone was Jake. The human was beaming – why are idiots always so happy? - and Karkat just walked in the opposite direction. The call of “Oy there, chum!” went blatantly ignored.
It wasn't until Karkat reached his room, stripped off his clothes, and lowered himself into his recuperacoon that it occurred to him that he had missed the opportunity for a perfect comeback. Dirk had accused him of going off alone away from everyone else to sulk, but it was readily apparent upon reflection that Dirk had been doing the same damn thing.