Chapter Text
They carried Bobby in a body bag. Of course, they did. That’s the standard procedure.
They have to do all standard procedures for the funeral. Bobby’s funeral. His Bobby. How is he supposed to just stand there and watch as they bury him into the ground? Bobby doesn’t belong there. He’s still supposed to be here and now there’s just never going to be another shift where he’s greeting them and them eating together and the bells going off, another day where’s an emergency and Bobby is leading them as usual?
Buck knew being a firefighter came with risks, he’s dealt with his fair share of them. He’s watched people he loves go through hell and pull back.
That gave him a lot of hope. Hope that they’d all make it through again.
It was naive of him. How can he look at Bobby’s family that sits at the front row?
All he could afford Eddie was a phone call, he wanted to bury his head in Eddie’s arms and stay there forever. Eddie’s presence is the only thing that makes sense right now, it’s grounding him. Eddie has no idea how much he helps by just being here.
Tommy tried to talk to him after… everything but Buck didn’t have time to entertain his ex-boyfriend. He hasn’t spared a glance at Tommy the whole day. Tommy doesn’t understand them, he’ll never understand.
He tries to focus on what Chief Simpson is saying but he can’t focus. He hears the words but they don’t register to his ears.
Bobby told him they were going to need him and he’s been trying to be what everyone needs. Trying to say the right thing. Bobby always knew what to say, he was always patient. Patience wasn’t his strongest suit but to Bobby it seemed to come naturally.
When the state wasn’t giving Bobby’s body back to Athena, he left it alone, he didn’t meddle. He just let things be. He was just going through the motions these two weeks, he knows Bobby is dead, he was there. He saw them carry off his body. He’s at Bobby’s funeral right now.
”On this day, we gather here to celebrate the life and legacy of Captain Robert Wade Nash. A day filled with heaviness that weighs on us all as we gather in this sacred space. A day marked by gratitude for the life we lost… and the many lives saved…”
”...As we reflect on his service, we remember the countless lives he touched, the friendships he forged and the sacrifices he made. Captain Nash was more
than a firefighter. He was a mentor. A husband. A father. And for so many of us, a beloved friend…”
As Chief Simpson was delivering his speech, a chandelier fell from the ceiling.
It was sudden, no one noticed quickly enough. It didn’t come to anyone’s mind that this was something that could happen.
The chandelier broke the coffin.
Buck glances at the commotion and the murmurs of people asking each other if they’re okay.
There is only one thing on his mind right now.
Bobby.
What if his corpse was crushed?
He deserves to go out peacefully.
He goes running to the coffin.
What he finds there leaves him unable to move a muscle. Buck knows fight, flight, or freeze response. He knows patients who sometimes stay rooted in one place while processing the emergency, sometimes it also causes other reactions. Everyone's situation is different. He's able to comprehend that what he is experiencing right now is a freeze response.
It’s not Bobby in the coffin. Buck knows Bobby and the person inside isn’t him.
It’s meant to be a replica of him. It looks like someone extremely identical.
It has so shaken up that the only thing he can do is speak. He can speak to everyone and let them know. He doesn’t understand what this means, not yet. they decide things as a team, if it means something—he’ll do something about it, whatever it may be.
But, right now he isn’t sure. That's why he needs his team, the 118.
”Guys, come here. NOW.” He’s never heard himself shout at this volume, but this situation demands urgency.
Eddie is the first one to come rushing to Buck’s side. He sounds frantic.
”What’s wrong, Buck?” He asks urgently, with his brows furrowed.
Buck throwing his index finger towards the coffin, it’s a gesture for Eddie to look and confirm Buck isn’t crazy for what he saw.
They stare into each other’s eyes. Eddie takes it as a sign to go ahead.
Eddie takes a look at the coffin, his posture stiff in anticipation and the result has him unable to move a muscle just like Buck. He stares at Buck and Buck knows he’s in a nightmare, because why isn’t Bobby Nash in the coffin?
Hen and Chim come soon, afterwards.
What follows is disbelief. none of them knowing exactly what to say. because what is this?
Buck startles at the sound of Hen’s sniffles. Tears sting at her eyes. He hears Hen trying to take short breaths, trying to make sense of this, just like him—just like everyone else around him.
He doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. The ache in his body is seeking deeper, he feels like he’s drowning, begging for air, begging to exhale and to take a breath. He can’t ask what Bobby would do in this situation. He can’t ask Bobby because Bobby’s body isn’t here. It’s somewhere else.
Buck has no idea where Bobby is, if he’s okay? What if someone is hurting him?
He doesn’t know—he doesn’t know any of it.
“What’s all the fuss about here?” Athena asked, coming over here to check on them after seeing Chief Simpson was okay. Buck could vaguely remember no one was injured but the chandelier was broken, that must be expensive to replace for whoever’s responsible for it.
She stopped after seeing their silence, how do you tell a window that her husband isn’t in his casket? Buck had no idea what he was supposed to do. She saw what they were looking it and then her brows furrowed in confusion.
“Why is my husband‘s resting place the center of attention?” Her voice cracked. She was trying to be strong, trying to not pay attention to their facial expressions because then she’d know that Bobby wasn’t even offered the decency to rest in death.
“Athena—Bobby’s not—in there.” Hen said. It sounded like the words have been torn apart from her, the very act of saying them breaking her.
Athena sprints to the coffin. Her hands shaking, her steps frantic. She looks for so long, looks at the unfamiliar man laying in front of her, a man who looks very like Bobby, if you only looked for a second you couldn’t tell that wasn’t Bobby Nash.
“They took my Bobby.” Athena’s voice breaks. She’s standing motionless, they all are. She clenches her hands, trying so hard to keep going. Buck can tell, someone needs to tell May and Harry.
God, how do you tell a kid that they can’t even bury their dad.
“I’ll tell them.” Buck finally speaks after all the silence from him. He didn’t know what else he could say. He can do this, he can take the burden of Athena’s shoulders, she’s not alone in this.
Athena’s shoulders slump. Buck can tell she’s grateful, he doesn’t need her to say it to know.
Buck’s about to leave when Eddie stops him.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Eddie offers.
“No. I need to do this on my own. You take care of each other while I take care of this, okay?” Buck responds.
“Okay, If you need anything. I’m here, Buck.” Eddie’s hand ends up on his shoulder. He squeezes Buck’s shoulder, and he nods at Buck. A motion for Buck that he understands.
Buck blinks. Eddie really does have a way for him to be 1% okay than he was a second ago. His presence is steady and it makes Buck feel like the world won’t swallow him up and take him away from Eddie’s life. He makes Buck feel like he won’t ever let Buck slip away even if Buck does slow down, Eddie will wait for Buck to catch up once again.
Eddie’s face crumples as he watches Buck leave, he stands there to let himself have a second before he goes back to his family. How is he supposed to return to El Paso this way, tell his kid this? Leave Buck alone, he’s trying to be so strong for everyone but it doesn’t work that way. It shouldn’t—Eddie wants Buck to let him in. He needs to drown in his sorrow with someone but he can’t even do that, because they will all have to put their grief on food while they figure out why the fuck Bobby isn’t in the coffin and why is there a literal clone of him.
Who the fuck could have been so sick to do this to them, after the way Bobby died. How much of a hero he was and this is the send off he gets. Eddie can’t even imagine what it’ll be like after others find out besides the 118 and Bobby’s family. How the hell will Bobby’s mom and brother react? How will the station react?
His son was supposed to come with him to the funeral but the school wouldn’t allow an excuse of absence for Chris, he wanted to be here and Eddie wanted him to be here, he can’t be here and Eddie has to break his son’s heart even more just like Buck is about to break May’s and Harry’s heart.
He morphs his face into a neutral expression and returns to 118. He glances at Buck, he sees May’s wails and see’s Harry crumpling just like him. They all hug each other, Buck looks devastated. He looks completely grief ridden, lost in direction.
Eddie’s heart shatters for everyone and also for himself. He thought if he was here, maybe he could‘ve done something to save Bobby, maybe then they wouldn’t be here. He knows this time it’s not his fault but he wishes this hollowness had somewhere to go because now it’s just bursting in his insides, just drowning him.
Eventually Buck returns with May and Harry.
Bobby’s family is told, along with Athena’s parents. Karen and Maddie stand beside their spouses, ready to catch them in their grief. Michael and David who flew in for the funeral—just like him, stand there comforting their family.
Eddie sometimes wishes he had someone. Someone to call just his, the closest person to that for him is Buck but when Buck finds someone else? What happens then?
He looks in a crowd and his first instinct is to go to Buck, if Chris isn’t there.
When Buck finds someone else—a partner to share his life with, Buck will collapse in their arms.
Eddie will be forced to stand frozen. His will hands have nowhere to cling to.
Because while he wishes he could cling to Buck for the rest of his life, it doesn’t work that way. Best friends don’t work that way.
For now, he lets himself cling to Buck. His steady presence is always a guarantee.
He doesn’t want to imagine a day Buck has to cancel on him because now someone else is his priority.
He hopes Buck always answers because that’s it for him.
There’s no one else he trusts more than Buck with Chris. He tried so hard to settle down, to have that picket fence life. It just didn’t work. He always went wrong in his relationships with women. He went for advice to Bobby a lot during those times, now there’s no Bobby. He’s just gone, lost, yet to be found.
Athena will find him, Eddie’s so sure of that. She’ll tear the word apart if it means getting answers.
They all deserve answers about what the hell happened during those two weeks the state acquired Bobby’s body.
Eddie didn’t pay attention to logistics but he wishes he did, because then maybe he could‘ve noticed it wasn’t Bobby.
If the chandelier never fell, they would never know the truth.
Bobby’s presumed body would be buried in Minnesota with his first wife and kids.
Bobby’s real body would be lost somewhere unfamiliar. Far away from home.
Now they have a chance to return Bobby’s body to it’s rightful burial.
That’s if they find him. Eddie wants to believe they will. They always managed to do the impossible. He can’t consider other alternatives, not until there’s nothing left to consider.