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It was at times like this that Tim regretted the lack of effort he put into maintaining a social life separate from his job. Sitting on his couch and scrolling through his contacts really put it into perspective for him. Every single person in his phone was either a colleague, a family member, or someone he hadn’t spoken to in over a year. He definitely had coworkers that he considered friends, but they also worked with the reason for his deep breathing exercises that night. Tim Bradford was about to do something he rarely did, something so unusual that it could be tallied up on his hands.
He was about to apologise.
After another slow exhale, he stood up and plucked Kojo’s leash off the coat hanger by the front door. Hearing the metal clink, the dog trotted over to his owner, sitting on Tim’s feet as he always did before they went on a walk. Tim reached down to scratch behind his ears, then opened the door and loaded them into his truck. The drive to Lucy’s apartment was tense for Tim, though Kojo steadily became more excited, his tail wagging and his paws shuffling in the backseat, as he began to recognise the streets and figured out their destination. Tim pulled into the space beside Lucy’s car and clipped the leash to Kojo’s collar, letting the dog lead him through the hallways and up the stairs to her door.
Tim hoped desperately that the dog’s presence would be enough to prevent Lucy from slamming the door in his face, though he would deserve no less.
The duo came to a stop on the sixth floor, Kojo wiggling with barely restrained enthusiasm as he sat, looking up at the door Tim had just knocked on. Never one to make someone wait, even if they turned up at her door unannounced, Lucy pulled open the door with a polite smile. To her credit, it barely faltered when she saw the man on the other side, and quickly grew into an affectionate smile when she glanced down and saw Kojo. She immediately dropped to her knees and buried her fingers in the dog’s fur, pressing their foreheads together and whispering to the whining dog.
Tim gazed down at them fondly, watching his dog and ex-girlfriend reunite with a soft smile on his face. “I… we were wondering if you’d like to join us for a walk. We’re going down to the park.” He swore that his heart actually stopped when she looked up at him and nodded, her lips quirking up at the edges. In that moment, he would’ve done anything she wanted just to see her smile at him the way she used to. He handed off the leash and leaned against the doorframe as she grabbed her things, laughing the entire time as Kojo wound himself between her legs the way he always did when she tried to leave Tim’s house in the mornings after she stayed the night.
The car ride to the park was void of conversation, yet anything but silent. Kojo savoured Lucy’s presence in the back of the truck, draping himself across her lap as he made every kind of noise he was capable of, pausing every minute or so for Lucy to shower him with praise and pets, taking advantage of her loving tolerance of his antics. When they made it to the park, Tim found himself walking alongside Lucy on the path as Kojo bounded around them, flitting between the two awkward adults and chasing various things only he could see in the grass. At one point, Kojo darted after a squirrel, causing Lucy to stumble. Instinctively, Tim’s hand landed on her waist to stabilise her, remaining there for only a second before he retracted it, both of their cheeks burning.
“I… God, this is so stupid. I wanted to talk to you, that’s why we came over tonight.” Tim sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration at his own cowardice.
Lucy nodded silently, tipping her head in the direction of a bench next to a tree that would keep the energetic dog occupied so they could talk without his interference. She pulled a leg up to her chest as she sat, chewing on her lower lip. He sat beside her, his back ramrod straight with tension. To onlookers, they could not be more different, sitting on the same bench in complete opposition. Nothing about the pair would indicate to anyone watching that they were hopelessly in love with each other.
“You wanted to talk?” Lucy spoke up, her soft tone breaking Tim’s heart all over again.
“Right. I did- I do .” He cleared his throat. “I know we haven’t really talked since… and, well, I have something I need to say.” Tim took a deep breath and looked up from Kojo to meet Lucy’s eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Lucy blinked rapidly, clearly not expecting him to say that.
“God , I’m so fucking sorry, Lucy.” His voice cracked on her name, and he sent up a silent but futile prayer that she wouldn’t notice.
“Oh, Tim.” she murmured, sliding closer to him and pressing their shoulders together.
“No, no, don’t comfort me, you shouldn’t have to do that. I’m here to apologise. I need you to know how sorry I am. For everything. For… for breaking up with you, for not listening to you, for everything I said, for missing your birthday.” The words spilled out of his mouth, coming quickly and without censorship.
“I’m a mess, Lucy. I ruin everything I touch, you deserve so much better than me. But goddamnit, I don’t want you to have better, I want you to have me. I can be a better man, I can go back to therapy, I’ll do anything you want if you just give me another chance. Please, Lucy, leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.”
He stared at her earnestly, refusing to wipe away the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, needing her to understand how badly he needed her. Even if she couldn’t bring herself to give him another chance, or grant him forgiveness, he had to say it, had to make her hear him.
“I love you, Lucy. I love you so damn much. And if you give me another chance, I swear I’d love you right this time.”
She stared back at him, clearly searching for something in his eyes, and then she huffed out a breath. “Damn you for being so sincere.”
Lucy moved her hand to rest on his knee. “You can never speak to me like you did that night ever again.” His eyes widened, realising that this was really happening.
“And no more making decisions that involve me without my input, okay?” He nodded slowly.
“And yeah, you’re going back to therapy. Maybe not the state one though.” Tim barked out a wet laugh, sniffing.
“We’re not going right back to what we were, but… I love you too, Tim. And I think we can get there again someday.” Lucy smiled at Tim, leaning in to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him into an uncomfortable hug where they sat. “You definitely didn’t miss my birthday, though.” she mumbled into his neck, both of them pulling away to wipe their eyes and laugh when Kojo realised they were finished the serious conversation and clambered into both of their laps, shoving his head between them.