Chapter Text
Obanai shut his eyes and tried to imagine green grass and leaves of the Ubayashiki mansion.
'We're not there anymore.", he held Kaburamaru closer to his chest, "They said it's a test. A-And they'll be back soon. Right?"
What a stupid decision this all had become, to entertain the Ubayashiki children by going inside this room.
"All you have to do is sit inside and wait for us to be back!", they said.
It was the same thing his mother and aunts had told him long ago, before leaving him alone for days with only the creaking of wood all around him as the snake demon slithered about. But it was impossible to say no; sure, Kagaya Ubayashiki was a reasonable man. But it didn't mean he wanted to find out what would happen if he offended the Master by disobeying things his children asked him to do.
It also didn't help how...small he was now. He was always too small.
He tucked his knees closer.
"Obanai!"
He stood. It was Kyojuro calling him.
"Obanai! You can come out now! The game is finished!"
'I can leave? Finally! I can l-'
He sat back down.
'No. I shouldn't. It's a test. If I leave, I'll fail.'
He blinked quickly as tears started to brim in his eyes.
'Stop crying! Noisy thing!'
He rubbed his eyes. Yes. He couldn't cry now. He was already doing so wel-
Crk, crk, crk, crk!
His breath hitched.
More tears brimmed.
Light from the late afternoon sun flooded into the room.
Long shadows filled the floor.
He gritted his teeth and pulled Kaburamaru closer to his mask.
"Obanai! You've won!"
'What?'
Footsteps padded haphazardly causing the floorboards to creak loudly, "You've won the game, Obanai! You can come out now!"
Sanemi scowled. Normal.
Giyuu stared blankly. Normal.
Tengen smirked. Normal.
"But no! I didn't win!", Shinobu whined. Not normal before but normal now.
"It's okay Shinobu!", Mitsuri chimed in the cheery voice she always had, "Maybe we can learn from Obi so we'll be better at this game next time!"
'Next time?'
He glanced over at Gyomei who carried Muichiro with a smile.
"Indeed...", Gyomei smiled the way he did when one of them did something well, "you have lots of patience, my baby cat."
He flitted his eyes between the open door and Gyomei; 'I did well. That's why Gyomei is smiling. I should be happy.'
But his chest didn't feel right. It wasn't light like when Gyomei told him he did a good job for trying three bites of noodles. It was tight, painful...as if Kaburamaru was stuck inside him with nowhere to go.
"We can leave now, Roro."
He fought not to flinch when Kyojuro's warm hand gripped his.
"The game has finished now."
Kyojuro frowned.
His other hand balled into a fist at his side.
It wasn't normal.
Kyojuro was angry.
Kyojuro yanked him up and forwards before he could wriggle his hand free. The sun was already less bright than when he first went into the room, and yet he still had to place a hand over his eyes to prevent it from piercing them.
He looked at the floor and shielded his eyes with both hands when Kyojuro let him go.
"I don't like it.", his voice was soft despite trying to push as much air out of his tight throat.
'So soft, my dear?', his mother cooed as if she was next to him, 'Your brother can't hear you. You don't want him to be angry, do you? You know how angry Auntie used to get when she couldn't hear you clearly.'
He stepped back towards the room, "I wanna go insi-"
Kyojuro's hand gripped him again, "The game is finished now. You don't need to go in by yourself anymore."
"I-", he looked around.
Gyomei and Tengen smiled.
Sanemi and Giyuu were fighting again.
Mitsuri and Shinobu were talking.
Muichiro was sleeping.
'It's a test. And I suggest that you pick the correct choice, Obi...'
Yes. The Ubayashiki children didn't come back so he wasn't supposed to leave yet.
He squirmed his wrist about in Kyojuro's tight grip, "I-I need-"
His wrist hurt.
It was too tight.
He twisted-
It was tighter.
"Yo wo, it-it's painful. Let go? Please?"
Pain.
Everything was painful.
His wrist.
His chest.
Everything felt itchy. Hot.
His stomach cramped.
His throat felt full.
He was going to vomit.
He didn't want to vomit.
Vomiting was painful and loud and-
"Are you alright, Obi?", Mitsuri was beside him. He couldn't run.
"Don't cry okay?", she stood in front of him, "It's okay!"
Hands came towards his face.
A scream escaped.
He shoved them away.
Mitsuri now landed on the ground, staring at him, "Obi?"
"What happened?"
"What's going on?"
"Mei Mei, Obanai's crying!"
"What?"
A loud cry burst out.
He covered his ears.
They hurt.
More tears.
He blinked.
More tears.
He rubbed his eyes.
More. More. More. More-
It wasn't stopping.
'Look what's you've done now! Stupid boy!'
Footsteps were coming towards them.
White long hair.
Ms Amane knelt down in front of him.
Trouble.
"It's alright, Obana-"
His ears hurt again from another scream.
Ms Amane stared at him. Now seated on the floor.
He ran.
"Roro!", Kyojuro shouted from behind him.
The floorboards creaked louder. Faster.
"Kyojuro! Don't!"
"Tenny! Mei Mei, Tenny is running!"
"Wait for me!"
"Hey! Stop running!"
"Kids? Kids? Where are you going?"
More creaking. Louder. Heavier.
The demon was coming again.
Wood was everywhere.
More screaming.
It's too loud-
A dead end.
He hit.
His palms hurt.
There was no time to stop.
He hit more.
More screaming.
More crying.
"Obi, your room's the other way!"
"I'm sorry I touched you on the face. I didn't want to make you sad..."
"Move away from him!"
"Stop shouting at me!"
"Guys! Quiet down!"
His feet hurt.
Everything hurt.
STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP-
"Tengen, bring everyone to the living room. Obanai needs space."
"But Roro can't go back inside Mei Mei!"
"I know...don't worry. Follow Tengen first."
Everything was blurry.
Hot. Too hot.
More screaming.
"-asier- reathe ith- mask off, Obanai-"
A large hand came towards him.
He screamed.
Coughed.
His throat felt more full.
Vomit.
Nonononononononono-
"It's alright, baby cat..."
No! It! Wasn't!
"-ug?".
The large hands opened to show Mei Mei's dark green robes.
He ran to them.
'Mei Mei is nice. Mei Mei will make everything better.'
He coughed more.
Gagged.
His feet were off the floor.
Everything hurt.
Things started moving.
'IdontwanttheroompleasestoppleasestopSTOP-'
His hands hit something.
His feet were on the floor again.
"-an't carry you like this, baby cat. It's dange-"
I'M!
SOR!
RY!
Only screaming.
Nothing came out the way he wanted.
More thudding on the floor.
WHYWASEVERYTHINGSOLOUD!
"-elp you-"
A shadow towered over him.
He jumped.
Stretched his hands up as much as he could.
GET!
ME!
AWAY!
'Stop crying and I'll pick you up!'
Yes, Mei Mei will pick him up and everything will be finis-
"I don't know..."
Mei Mei frowned.
Cried.
'LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!'
Hands came towards him.
'IwontscreamanymoreI'msorry-'
Pulled him off the ground.
Gripped him.
He peeled them away.
They were stuck. Painful.
Things started moving.
I.
DON'T.
WANT.
THE.
ROOM.
Bright light pierced his eyes.
"-arden."
Something poked through his robes.
Scratched him.
Grass.
It was never this painful befor-
Prk!
Grass fell from his hands.
His hands burned.
He screamed.
PrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrkPrk-
It was painful.
He didn't want it anymore.
He couldn't stop.
'HELP! ME!'
He screamed.
No Mei Mei.
Everything was messy-
He slipped.
Grass poked painfully at his cheek.
Light pierced his eyes again.
Soil was on his hands.
Nothing was stopping, everything was so painful-
"Do you want your haori?"
Black and white stripes made the light less painful.
He grabbed at it.
It was too far away.
Everything was wro-
Soft fabric draped over him.
Hands scooped him off the painful grass.
He didn't want the room anymore.
He just wanted Mei Mei.
Why couldn't anyone understand-
"We'll find Gyomei very soon.", Master Kagaya’s voice floated gently to his ears, “He just needs some time to help Muichiro with his bottle.”
Yes, that made sense. Mui was more important than him, smaller than him, so he should have known better than to bother Mei Mei. Still, his chest hurt; 'Was there really no way for Mei Mei to hold me and Mui?'
His throat hurt with another hiccup. Surely it was enough crying now, so why couldn’t he stop?
A hand slowly and gently tapped his back, “I didn’t realize that the grass may not be very comfortable for you, so I apologize for that.”
“That game wasn’t very fun too, was it?”, Master Kagaya’s soft voice followed the breeze around them, “It’s alright to feel angry and afraid about that. I would have too if I were y-”
He pressed his hand over Master Kagaya’s mouth before he could stop himself. Every breath shook as he withdrew his hand with a brief glance; ‘Please don’t be angry…Mei Mei is already angry.’
“Perhaps it’s a little too soon to talk about this…”, Master Kagaya nudged his head to rest on his shoulder, “We can enjoy the garden for now. The stream is calm, and the sun is setting very beautifully too.”
He pulled his haori higher over his head; his eyes hurt too much to look at anything.
“Things aren’t okay now, but they will be eventually.”
He didn’t fully know what Master Kagaya was talking about and maybe he was wrong for not thinking the same. But everything hurt and even though he wanted to sleep, his chest still hurt far too much.
“Sss…”
He used his finger to rub circles on Kaburamaru’s head that peeped out at him, “I’m sorry…”, his voice barely audible except for a painful croak.
Kaburamaru flicked his tongue to a tear that escaped again. He remembered a little bit of what happened just now; he had flung his hands towards Mei Mei and Mui’s faces. He didn’t want to hurt them, they were his brothers, but he did. Mother was right. He was a bad child that’s why she gave him to the demon.
'Look at all the problems you've caused us all!'
A whimper escaped with more tears. He didn't like thinking of Mother.
A thumb brushed under his eyes painlessly, "Do you want to hold hands?"
He stared at Master Kagaya's open palm in front of him; it was fair and smooth like his mother's and aunt's, as if it wouldn't hurt. And then they would grab him tight enough to make his fingers hurt, and drag him around the mansion. He didn't really want to hold Master Kagaya's hand but it was better to say yes before he got angry at him too.
"Thank you, Obanai.", Master Kagaya's slightly cold fingers interlocked with his and squeezed his palm gently.
'Is he bringing me somewhere? Where is he going-'
And let go.
Then he squeezed again, and let go.
He stared at Master Kagaya's fingers closing around his palm with every squeeze, and opening every time he let go. It wasn't something he had seen before even after he had left home for such a long time.
"Hugs aren't personally my thing but my children enjoy them. So we found a compromise of hand squeezes for when they're upset. Are these alright for you?"
He nodded slowly and continued to watch; it was definitely strange but it was also...nice. It was like the small moments when they played in the yard and Mitsuri would come over to him midway through her games with Kyojuro, with something behind her back. She always asked him to close his eyes and when he opened them again, there would be a flower, a leaf, or a small pebble in her open palm.
"It's a present for you, Obi! Do you like it?", she would ask him with a big smile.
He wanted to tell her that every present she found was pretty, but his throat would get so tight and his chest would hurt so much that he couldn't talk. So he just nodded, and she would leave the present with him before leaving to play with Kyojuro and Tengen again. He tried to keep every single one under his pillow, but it kept getting full but he wasn't about to throw any of her presents away to put new ones! That wouldn't be nice...
"I'm sure your fellow hashira would be rather worried about you now."
Ah...he had forgotten that Master Kagaya was here.
"Shall we head back inside?"
He didn't really want to leave. It was quiet and nice out here in the garden but it was best that he didn't waste anymore of Master Kagaya's time.
He let go and stood on his wobbly legs, curling his toes so the grass wouldn't poke painfully between them.
"Some food and a drink would be helpful in replenishing your energy, and I'm sure Tengen's wives made some delicious dinner today.", Master Kagaya extended a hand towards him, "Shall we go?"
'He wants to hold my hand again?'
It confused him but maybe Master Kagaya just wanted to hold his hand so he wouldn't run off again like he did just now...that was probably it.
He placed his hands in Master Kagaya's that were still slightly cold, but they were gentle as they wrapped around his, and they made their way back inside.
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"Mei Mei?"
Gyomei tilted his ear downwards, “Yes, my caterpillar?”
Shinobu poked him on the thigh, “You’re sad?”
He held the bottle between his palms and rubbed it back and forth with a sigh, “I guess I am a little sad, but why do you ask?”
“Did Obi make you sad?”, she weaved around him as they walked back to the mattress Muichiro was lying on, “That’s not very nice…”
He gave another sigh and patted her hair that was now bouncy like it was when she had first came to him with Kanae, “It’s not his fault for being upset, my caterpillar. Everyone gets upset from time to time and sometimes we feel upset along with other people, that’s a normal part of caring for others.”
“But ‘twas just a game! The Ubuyash'ee-kee kids said so! He didn’t need to scream like that.”, her voice trailed off, “He’s being a baby…”
He sighed again; it wasn’t the nicest thing to say but Shinobu wasn’t wrong in a rather strange way. He too didn’t know that Obanai even had that side of him, or that it would be this strong. But after all the time spent with him as children, it was obvious that Obanai just hid his fears by staying as silent as he could until he couldn’t anymore, the same way Shinobu hid her fear of not having Kanae around by sticking with another person whenever she could and screaming whenever she was alone. They were both young and fearful, but acted out in hopes that no one would see how small they still felt.
He felt around and placed the bottle teat near to Muichiro’s mouth, “Everyone has things they’re afraid and it’s alright to cry when you’re afraid. It doesn’t make you a baby.”
“Hmph.”, and silence lingered the same way Shinobu would ignore him calling her to help around the house, even though he could clearly see her sitting in the middle of the room with her arms crossed.
He held back a chuckle, ‘She’ll come to accept it eventually.’
She shuffled to stand, “I’m going to find Kanao.”
‘And there she goes…wanting to complain how mean of a big brother I am.’, he smiled.
“No, because it’s almost dinner time.”, he poked, “I’ll bring you tomorrow.”
“No!", she stomped and crossed her arms with a whine, "I need! To go! Now!"
"Hey! Talk to Mei Mei properly!", Sanemi shouted from across the room.
A sharp inhale.
Gyomei covered Muichiro's ears.
A sharp scream.
"NEMS IS A HORRIBLE BIG BROTHER!"
He sighed; Shinobu was emotional and had her moments for sure, but she was rarely this reactive.
'Perhaps Obanai's reaction scared her too...'
'Please stay put.', he patted Muichiro twice on the stomach and headed towards the loud wails and sniffles.
He knelt down in front of her and felt around for her hands, "When you're ready, we can talk calmly."
Her wails quickly sputtered off into shaky whimpers as she sped to wrap her arms around his neck, "I'm sorry, Mei Mei..."
"Thank you for apologizing.", he let out a soft sigh and patted her back, "Do you still want to see Kanao now?"
She nodded onto his shoulder.
"Can you tell me why?"
"Kanao is good at finding things.", she whispered.
"Yes she is. She has very good eyes.", he frowned slightly, "But why do you need her help now? We can ask if she's free tomorrow."
"But I need it now!", she stomped again, "Obi needs it now!"
"Obanai?", he frowned harder, "Did Kanao buy Obanai a present?"
"NO!", she huffed, "Obi is afraid of the dark like a baby a-and Kanao is very good at finding things so, so, she can help me find a lantern! And then, and then Obi can put it in his room with Nems and, and Tenny a-and Kyo, and then-"
"And then Obanai won't be afraid of the dark anymore?"
"Yea!"
"Ah...", he patted her hair with a smile, "That's very kind of you, my caterpillar."
"I know.", she sped out.
For anyone who didn't know her, they would have assumed her to be confident, maybe a little cocky. But this was the one thing about her as a child and adult that never seemed to change; snark as disguise for her own lacking confidence.
Crk crk, crk crk, crk crk, crk crk!
"Obi's back!", Mitsuri's cheerful voice called from a distance away.
"Let's take a look at how Obanai's feeling, shall we?", he ruffled Shinobu's hair slightly.
"Hey! Don't do that!", Shinobu pushed his hand away.
A chuckle left him like a breath of fresh air, "Alright, alright...I'm just playing with you, my caterpillar."
"Maybe we can ask Obanai what happened, and we can go with Kanao tomorrow to get something that will help!"
He stood from the floor with a sigh and followed as Shinobu sped away to where he assumed Obanai was.
"Are you okay, Obi?"
"Did you cry?"
"Were you scared?"
"Do you want to eat? Maybe drink something? I brought the plate here!"
"I'm sorry that I scared you just now..."
"Guys...I think you're overwhelming-"
"Hey! Stop crowding him!"
"Stop shouting!"
"Aren't you doing the same thing?"
"You started it first!"
"No I did-"
'Oh dear. They're going to start crying agai-'
"All your friends want to see you, Obanai.", Kagaya's voice calmly cut through the hubbub, "Is there anyone you want to talk to first?"
The children pressed nearer.
His chest hurt.
'Stop. Crying.'
He looked to the ground.
"Are you feeling better, my baby cat?", Mei Mei and Mui walked towards him. Smiling.
He shrunk behind Master Kagaya; 'Why was he smiling? He should be angry.'
"I would hope you are.", Mei Mei knelt down in front of him, "I'm sure you would be tired as well. But we can have dinner first and then you can go to sleep, alright?"
"Yes!", Tengen raised a white plate above the other children's heads, "I found all of our favorites Obi, so we can share them! I asked Suma and Hinatsuru to make more today too! I'm sure you'll be hungry after all that crying, so you can eat more! Then you'll be flashy and tall like us!"
His stomach grumbled painfully; two slices of pickled plums, two small bowls of miso soup with tororo kombu on top, and two small dishes of spinach ohitashi. All separated nicely from each other so they wouldn't mix with each other. So it was safe.
He raised a hand to remove his mask. His throat felt full again.
"Do you want a hug first?"
He looked between Mui in Sanemi's arms and Mei Mei's open arms.
'Why isn't he angry?'
'No. He must be angry.'
'Mother smiled when she was angry. It's the same.'
But it was the same smile that told him he did a good job at trying to eat something new, or that he did a good job helping to hold Mui's bottle.
'Maybe he's not angry?', his chest hurt again, 'But why...'
Tears escaped with a wail.
'No! I can't cry anymore-'
"Alright...alright...", Mei Mei wrapped his arms around and picked him up, "I'm here now and I'll always be here when you're upset. Alright, baby cat?"
He didn't really know what Mei Mei meant. It made no sense. But he nodded either way; he could do anything if Mei Mei was there. Mei Mei made everything okay.
Pat...
Pat...
Pat...
Pat...
His eyes fought to stay open and his mouth drooped open as he laid his head on Mei Mei's shoulder. It wasn't nice to drool on Mei Mei's clothes; he knew that. But he was so tired and everything stopped hurting now, if he could just sleep for a while...then he would try as many new foods as Mei Mei wanted him to try. Even if Mei Mei asked him to try changing Mui's diaper, he wouldn't say no anymore...anything so Mei Mei could be happy again...
"You can take a nap and I'll be right here when you wake up, baby cat."
His eyes ran out of strength to open and warmth greeted him in the darkness.