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And the world screamed, KISS ME SON OF GOD

Summary:

The year is 2015. A 6-year old girl brings a laptop to her best friend's house to play make-believe with. Little does she know, this action will irreparably shake several people's lives. But how could she?

After all,

They're just simple objects

Right?

Notes:

Title from Kiss Me Son of God by They Might Be Giants
Chapter title from ... The same

Chapter 1: I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage / called the blood of the exploited working class

Chapter Text

"CUT! CUT! CUT THE CAMERAS, I SAID! CUT!"

A sharp inhale cut the tense silence of the recording room, everyone waiting to see how their boss would react.

"Okay. Whoever's filming right now? Burn that tape. Let's start from the top. We NEED to get this PERFECT."

...A string of musical notes piped up.

"What? What do you MEAN it's- Okay. FINE. Pack it up for the night. But we WILL be continuing FIRST THING tomorrow. Understood?" No one responded. "Great! Now, I'm going to my dressing room. If you need me, no you don't."

Everyone dispersed, and the man on the stage sighed deeply. Another day, another failure. They'd been TRYING to film in advance for an upcoming sleepover between the youngest Dreemurr and Holiday while their older siblings went off on some school trip together... But the day was already almost there, and absolutely no progress had been made!

He groaned, dragging his hands down his screen. Nothing to be done about it after working hours... His feet hit the ground a little too hard as he jumped down from the stage, but he paid it no mind, lost in his own world.

Before he knew it, he was at the ostentatious gold-plated door that led to his dressing room. ...Huh? Something had been put into the mail slot...? He wasn't expecting any mail, especially not delivered straight to him like that. Usually it ended up in the mailroom.

He plucked it out, unlocking and heading through his door while reading.

'Tomorrow, a visitor will arrive. You will find him beneficial.'

...Cryptic. Too cryptic, in fact, to be real. Was it some kind of prank? He'd have to check the security footage for who put that there. But that... Could wait. At that moment, his bed was calling to him.

Step-by-step, he went through his nightly routine: change out of clothes + prepare clothes for the next day, pajamas, overnight screen spray and screen cover, antennae covers (to prevent damage), pull down the folding bed, plug in, lay down...

...And then lay awake in bed for several hours fretting before finally falling asleep.

 

---

 

11:30 AM.

He overslept.

He overslept.

He. Overslept.

That NEVER happened.

After a harried rush to get himself ready, blazer half-on and screen cover still attached to his face, he stumbled out towards the recording room... And right into a commotion in the Green Room.

"WHAT is going ON exactly!?" If anyone noticed his disheveled appearance (and they most certainly did), they didn't comment on it. "Well!?"

Ramb behind the bar was the first to speak up, already preparing a new cup of coffee for the frazzled TV. "We've got company, luv, from what these fellows 'ave been saying. I wouldn't know, I 'aven't left the bar."

Company? ...Right, of course. Noelle!! Sweet, Noelle... She'd have brought over some of her belongings for the sleepover, meaning if any had Darkners, they'd be visiting too.

But...

"Well that's hardly cause for all this excitement," he huffed. "We KNOW who she brings along with her."

"Not this time," piped up a Pippins. "She brought a laptop with her! From the library, she said."

...

A laptop . Great. His eye twitched.

"I'll deal with it. Now, you all can..." he inhaled. "GET BACK TO WORK. WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE." That got everyone to scatter, fleeing the room- except Ramb, of course, who was meant to be there.

Several seconds passed.

"Rough night, luv?" Ramb finally said, sliding the cup of coffee over the bar. He grabbed it, taking a long sip- or at least trying to, only succeeding in getting his screen cover wet. Embarrassed, he yanked it off, crumpling it into a wad and tossing it out. "'Avent seen you oversleep this badly in years."

"I'm fine."

The plug gave an incredulous look. "Mmmhm."

"I'm fine, I said!"

"Your suit's unbuttoned."

-His screen turned a bright red, and he did up the buttons wordlessly. "No one- no one SAW that, right?"

"You know the answer to that, luv."

"UGH." he slammed down his coffee in a single gulp, before letting his still-red face hit the bar counter. "And NO ONE said ANYTHING!?"

"They know how you get."

"It'd be- whatever." He felt himself start to shrink a little bit, and diverted his energy to preserving his size. "Whatever! Not like the show needs to look PROFESSIONAL or anything! It's fiiiiiiiiine!"

There was a knock at the door.

He heard Ramb vault over the counter, and the door opening.

"Is da boss in theres?" It was the unmistakable voice of a Zapper. What now? "There's some guy, says he wants ta sees him. I left 'im outside."

"Bring him in," he said, not even lifting his head up. "I'll take care of it."

"On it, boss." He heard the door close again.

"Sounds like one of our guests," Ramb said casually, still waiting by the door. He knew his boss sure as 'ell wasn't going to be getting it. Sure enough, the knock returned, and Tenna stayed firmly planted. With a sigh of resignation, the door was opened once again.

And through it came the most obnoxious sounding footsteps the bartender had ever heard, attached to an almost equally loud pink and yellow suit and a head of clearly over-gelled black hair. Despite all that, though, the face gave it all away- the Darkner that stood before Ramb was very clearly an Addison. Though, not one he recognized- he'd never heard of there being a white one before.

"Is that him?" Tenna's voice cut through the room, the TV still refusing to lift his head up.

"In the flesh!" The stranger responded. "Where can I find the boss of this place?" Ramb winced a bit. Tenna could easily take that as an insult, and that risked a tantrum.

"Speaking," Tenna replied, lifting a hand.

The stranger raised an eyebrow, looking down at Ramb doubtfully, as if to ask, 'really? That guy?' Ramb chose to ignore it.

"What is it you want? Make it quick, I need to be on set in... Oh forget it. No one's watching TV right now."

"Well, I WAS here to make a business offer, but it doesn't look like there's any interest." He spun on his heel and seemed ready to leave, before Tenna sat up, signaling for the door to be shut.

"What kind of business?" For some reason, that weird note he had gotten flashed in his mind.