Chapter Text
“It’ll be fun!” Jen insisted as the mob piled out of the car onto Morris Walters’ sidewalk.
Bruce beelined for the door. Natasha followed with a tote full of muffins and emotional damage.
Rebecca trailed last, gut clenched.
This wasn’t just dinner. It was a Cold War reunion disguised as a holiday—complete with Soviets, unresolved trauma, and at least one bathroom breakdown (Tetya.)
Yelena—aka "Tetya"— promised to let Skaar drive—a decision neither Bruce nor Natasha wanted their names attached to, because Skaar needed to return to Caiera, in one piece, tomorrow.
He did pull up. Technically. With only minimal curb destruction.
Yelena tossed the keys and caught them smugly, joining the swarm as they approached the house.
"He did alright," she offered casually.
"High praise," Natasha muttered, eyes locked on the front door.
Morris Walters stepped out of it to greet them with a smile.
He was always kind, greeting Bruce with a hug he doesn't want, then Rebecca, then Natasha.
"Bruce!" he chirped, pulling him into a hug. Bruce didn't entirely want it, but accepted it, like a hostage sipping water.
Morris hugged Rebecca next with a familiar squeeze, offering Natasha a polite smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
And then, with a playful twinkle in his own...
"Jen," he said, tugging one of her curls.
"Daaad!" Jennifer whined, batting his hand away. "Personal space."
"Hello, Dad," Yelena sang, lifting an appetizer tray.
"Yelena," Morris replied, not looking at her. His eyes had already shifted to Skaar.
"And you must be my other grandchild."
Skaar grunted with his human arms already crossed as he stepped inside and scanned every family photo like he was preparing for the battle Rebecca promised would happen.
"Welcome," Morris said, his voice still pleasant as he turned to Bruce's questioning glance. "Susan's in the kitchen."
Before she could be revealed, a gravelly voice drifted from the dining room—smooth like a jazz singer who'd chain-smoked all her life;
"Is that Bruce?"
Rebecca peeked around the corner just in time to see her father crouch to his knees.
"Hi, Aunt Susan," he said gently, rubbing her shoulder in greeting.
Susan sat firmly in her chair, cigarette between her fingers, ashtray underneath. Her hair is dark, wavy, pinned back to reveal the grays she's working hard to hide.
With cheekbones that could still cut glass and high-arching eyebrows, Rebecca has never intended to cross her, no matter her age. No matter how little they've interacted the last few years.
Susan took another drag and reached out to pat Bruce's face.
"You're a good boy," she said, ruffling his hair and gripping his chin. "Good son. Good father."
"Aunt Susan," Natasha called, swinging the tote onto the table with a thud.
"Come here, Nat," Susan rasped. "Let me look at you."
Natasha complied, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
Susan studied her closely. "You don't call me."
Natasha winced, "Life's been... weird. We didn't want to stress you out."
"Huh," Susan replied, eyes drifting. "Rebecca. I can't see you, you're so far away."
Rebecca stepped forward quickly, eager for the hug.
"It's been so long," Rebecca said.
“Yeah, I know. You look like her. But you have your mother's red hair.” Susan patted her cheek—no further explanation given.
Rebecca blinked. She could only assume that by 'her', Susan meant the original Rebecca Banner: Bruce's mother, her grandmother.
"Where's the boy?" Susan barked, glancing past her.
Natasha threw a thumb over her shoulder toward their son.
Bruce called, "Skaar?" He peeked around the corner, "This is, uh, Aunt Susan. Aunt Susan, this is Skaar."
Susan took a drag from her cigarette and squinted at him.
"He's tall," she observed. Then nudged Natasha with her elbow. "Looks like you... That's all the proof I needed to ensure he stays in the will."
Natasha shook her head, lips twitching up into a smirk.
"Bruce!" a woman squealed suddenly, throwing her arms around him in a forced hug.
"Aunt Elaine," Natasha explained to Skaar, who was now silently helping her unpack the tote.
"Hi, Mom. Good to see you, Mom," Jennifer called from the table, where she plopped down and propped her feet up. "Work is going well, thanks for asking."
Elaine was too busy kissing Bruce's cheek to hear her.
"Give him air, Elaine," Morris encouraged. Then addressed Natasha, "Are your parents joining us?"
"Unfortunately," Natasha answered with a borderline eye roll.
"We will hear them arrive," Yelena promised.
Elaine went through hugs with each of her guests. Rebecca last, "My darling, how is school?"
Rebecca let her take both hands, ask every question...
"Get your feet off the table, Jennifer," Elaine snapped, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Jesus, Lainey," Susan jumped. "You fucking scared me."
"Shut up. Don't talk like that in front of the kids." Elaine snapped at her sister, "And get your ashtray off my table."
Turning to Rebecca, Elaine acted like nothing had happened...shoving the ashtray.
Susan blew a gray-streaked bang from her eyes and reluctantly stood, taking her time as she crossed the length of the kitchen, muttering under her breath:
"Damn, sister."
Skaar snorted.
Natasha elbowed him lightly.
Bruce had disappeared and Jen was with him to assist in a house project at Morris's request when the front door swung open with a bang.
Alexei shouted as he barreled inside, “No one will catch the Red Guardian!”
Melina chased behind him, "That cake is for ALL of us!"
Natasha crouched to dodge Elaine's eye contact.
"Oh boy," Rebecca grumbled.
Yelena grinned, "Mom and Dad are here."
Skaar jumped, ready to smack a gray, pointy-eared feline that leapt onto the counter beside him;
"What the fuck!"
"Elle Woods." Yelena greeted calmly, scooping up the cat, "How are you, girl?"
The cat purred contentedly in her arms.
"What the hell is a flerken doing here?" Skaar recoiled.
"She’s just a cat," Natasha said plainly.
Elaine clutched her chest, eyes on Skaar, "Well. I."
"He needs manners, Aunt Elaine," Rebecca said casually, "And a thesaurus."
"Put that away, Natasha," Melina came in, “I bring meat and cheese."
"Meat!" Alexei echoed in a half-demand.
"Wait your turn, you pig," Melina snapped.
Natasha was shuffled aside, tote and all, as Melina spread the contents of her own bags across the table.
"Oh my," Elaine tried not to sound overwhelmed. "You brought the entire kitchen, Melina."
Yelena drifted toward Susan's corner. "I want wine."
Susan slid a glass in her direction.
"Are you drinking already?" Elaine's tone turned scolding.
"How else does one get through family dinner, Lainey?"
"I'm not trying to offend anyone," Natasha muttered, eyes on Melina as she unpacked like a Russian Mary Poppins, "but is there anything stronger than wine in this house?"
Susan produced a flask from nowhere. "Only for you, Nat."
Romanoff took two gulps.
"Sue!" Elaine snapped.
Susan scratched the tip of her nose—with her middle finger only.
Skaar smirked, whispering to Rebecca, "Okay, I like her."
"Knew you would."
A bang echoed from downstairs, the unmistakable sound of cousins arguing over something petty.
Another bang. Drywall caving in.
"It's the aliens," Susan grumbled. And no one could tell if she was joking.
"Happy New Year!" Elaine declared, finally pouring herself a drink.
Susan shook her head as the unmistakable sound of a She-Hulk roar came from downstairs.
Elaine spat into the sink, "This is the General's fault."
Rebecca's eyes whipped up as she whispered, "Here we go."
"What?" Skaar asked as he sat beside her.
"The name has been dropped. Aunt Susan is turning Gollum in 3, 2..."
"Ross!" Susan hissed, "He can kiss my ass and join my ex 6 feet under."
Elaine clanked glasses with her, "Yes. -I shouldn't have brought him up."
"-Dumb fuck. He's an asshat."
Elaine swirled her wine, "...Have I ever shared the old trick of planting endangered plants over a burial site with you?"
Susan looked like she wasn't listening, too busy lighting a cigarette on a stove burner;
"Mom taught us that one."
"She did?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. When?"
Susan shrugged, inhaling deeply with the cigarette, "Every Friday night in the kitchen. When she'd drug dear old Dad's beer."
"Oh. I don't remember this."
"You were playing mother hen and knitting sweaters for us while I was-...." she paused, "-gluing Brian. -The point being, we could find an unsanctioned corner of a national preserve."
Rebecca wheezed into her sleeve, "Oh my god."
Skaar shook his head, "Glue. Is this where the gluing of injuries started?"
Rebecca cleared her throat, and proceeded to spew a history lesson on gluing in the army.
Skaar didn't ask for this.
"Natasha," Elaine abruptly turned toward the redhead. "You know where Ross works these days."
Natasha hummed in confirmation. But that was all.
"Huh," Elaine said thoughtfully. "You poor dear. He hurt you, too."
Susan might have stayed quiet, but she glitched at that. A full-bodied shiver as though it was taking everything in her willpower not to punch a wall.
Natasha gulped. For just a second, she saw it- that flicker of Banner rage slip into her eyes.
The difference was that she knew Susan's anger would only ever show up to protect.
Melina cleared her throat, "I worked in espionage. My tactics are subtle. If we ever take action."
"Thank you, Mom." Natasha cut her off, "That's enough."
Alexei grumbled, his mouth full as he gnawed on an entire roll of bologna, "We should attack the Ross house!"
"Eat your food, Dad." Yelena downed her third glass of wine.
"Ah,' Elaine claps her hands as the oven beeps, 'my roast is done. Can you snatch me a carving knife, Sue?"
"Here," Natasha extended a knife from her belt instead.
"Thank you, honey," Elaine said, and took it without asking any questions.
Then, without warning, she slammed a buzzer loud enough to shake the house.
"We will be right up!" Morris sounded panicked, trying and failing to calm Jennifer.
Skaar started to get up to check on them, but Rebecca pulled him back down.
"They'll work it out," she said.
Skaar blinked, toying with his lip ring, "You're all nuts."
"I told you so."
The dining table was full, tense, and covered with too much food.
Everyone was seated and semi-calm, only because they were socially obligated to be.
Bruce has changed into one of Jennifer's oversized t-shirts, and Jennifer, disheveled and dusty from the drywall incident, was in a hoodie.
"Tell me all about space," Elaine cooed, turning to Skaar. "What's it like being a prince on your planet? The parties must be spectacular."
"The rowdy ones are. They're once a year—" Skaar began.
"Do not," Bruce cut in, already seeing the devious expression forming on his son's face—the one that usually preceded something involving bloodwine and violence.
"I'm sure they're wonderful," Elaine interrupted. "You must be kept very busy. Your tattoos are beautiful."
She timidly reached to point to the ones poking through his revealed left bicep as though she wanted to ask more questions.
"Uh huh." Skaar shoved food into his mouth and didn't elaborate.
"Well," Elaine cleared her throat, "I suppose I shouldn't talk about work on a holiday."
"Yes," Melina said sharply. "We hear all about the parties and their importance. Very prestigious. Maybe we are invited soon, yes, Skaar?"
He looked up. Then sideways. He buried his face in his water glass, knee bouncing under the table.
Bruce took notice, quietly reaching to take and refill the glass.
He whispered through his teeth, "You're handling the chaos well."
Skaar swallowed, covered his mouth, and mumbled, "Thanks."
Elaine turned her attention to Rebecca next. "And you, darling. When will we see you in the papers saving the world?"
"Uh..." Rebecca looked around the table, internally screaming. She ran her hands through her curls and left her hands behind her neck.
"Yes! You will avenge!" Alexei declared, raising both fists.
Melina dropped her fork. "Alexei, she will not. She have school."
"Education is critical," Morris added, fiddling with his napkin. "How are your classes, Rebecca?"
"They're—" she started.
"I never said school wasn't important, Morris," Elaine snapped. "I'm just asking when she'll start lifting buildings like Jen."
"I don't just lift buildings," Jennifer mumbled around a mouthful of bread.
"She will be great hero!" Alexei shouted.
"She will be educated. WE pay for that education!” Melina shot back.
Natasha dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "Wow. Okay. I wasn't going to say this here, but now's as good a time as any." She stood, raised a glass. "Mom, Dad. Distinguished others. Becks has decided to quit school and hero work to join the circus."
Melina blinked twice. "Was that a joke, Natasha?"
Rebecca barely held back a laugh. Bruce didn't even try.
"Yep. It's true," Rebecca said. "Juggling kamuquats."
"What happened with the unicycle?" Skaar chimed in, deadpan.
"Only on Mondays," she replied.
"Knife twirling?" Bruce asked.
"Saturdays." She grinned.
Bruce smiled, genuinely.
"Be you, Becks," he said with a supportive wink that went beyond circus jokes.
"This is not funny," Melina frowned deeply.
"It is a little funny," Yelena muttered into her wine.
"Natasha!"
"It's not my fault," Natasha said as she sat down, "This family has caused me to descend into madness."
Susan raised a hand, tapping her shoulder as though she empathized completely.
Bruce looked mortified, analyzing how long it would take to scoop Natasha and the kids, and evacuate out the back door.
"I want to say a few words," Jennifer's chair squeaked against the floor, "As long as we're all here and okay-ish."
Alexei cheers, "To my two beautiful daughters!"
"Can I finish my toast before you cut me off in my own house?"
Jennifer shifted, shaking off Alexei's comment...and a piece of drywall from her hair.
"Jen," Bruce groaned when it landed in his salad.
Rebecca covered her mouth to laugh, "Do you want mine, Dad?"
He shook his head, "I'm fine Becks. Just cover your own before Jen shakes again."
Elaine looked ready to chime in before Jen cut her mother off;
"AS I was SAYING! It's nice to have everyone here. Alive. Ish."
"Emotionally dead," Yelena added.
"-We keep showing up because that's what family does. So, in harmony with showing up, I need everyone to raise a glass and promise to show up to Christmas. Same time next month, Bruce Banner?"
"Yeah, yeah," Bruce answered half heartedly with a flute full of his sparkling apple cider.
"And you?" Jennifer asked Skaar.
Skaar paused mid-bite.
He swallowed, "I'd like to see how the rest of tonight goes before I commit."
Elle purred at Jen's feet.
"My only friend. You'd never leave me." Jennifer lifted the cat at the table to hug her at Elaine's verbal disappointment.
"I cannot believe you just said that," Yelena spared no restraint in her anger, "After everything we have done together. I am not your friend?!"
Rebecca shook her head, "She sounds like Skaar. There's no getting through to some people."
"What did I do?" Skaar was mad to be dragged into a conversation he doesn't understand.
The lights seemed to shift as Jennifer began to hum. Her volume raised steadily.
"Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats." Jen sung as she lifted Elle over the table and swung her like she was in a musical.
"Jennifer Susan Walters!" Elaine groaned.
"She's Griddlebone," Morris was not helping.
Skaar shifted in his seat as if the cat would snap at any minute and open its mouth Flerken-style.
Rebecca narrowed her focus and jokingly lifted her fork, "Relax, Skaar. I'll protect you from the killer tuna-smelling yawns and hairballs."
He flipped her off.
Boldly.
At the table.
He then threatened to turn green when Rebecca gave the gesture back to him.
Bruce held his head and eyed Natasha, lifting his glass as if to say 'we made it', and chugged until his glass was empty.
Elaine whined, Susan laughed, Alexei clapped, Melina lectured and Morris asked who wanted cake.
Natasha downed the rest of her wine next.