Archive of Our Own

Adam swore that he regrets agreeing to go public with the three songs that he had composed with his heart on his sleeve. James had honestly warned him against agreeing but Adam had thought it would be good to add to the album and would help the sales. After that, he didn't mind much that they named said album 'Overexposed' because frankly that was how he was feeling right now. Very very over exposed.  

"Adam, we're on in 5," the stage manager reminded him as he was handed a mic. Adam put on a smile and nodded. "Gotcha," he answered as happily as he could manage.  

From the other side of the stage, he could see Matt looking at him in worry to which Adam merely responded with a shrug.  

'You okay?' Matt mouthed. 

'As long as we do this quickly', Adam responded and Matt looked at him sympathetically before nodding.  

The crowd was getting restless as the lights went out. They knew it was going to start soon.  

Adam paused for a while to recall their song list for the night. Frowning when he was getting things mixed up, he pulled out a piece of paper that he had stashed away in his pocket for such an occasion. He had, after all, forgotten lineups because of excitement before.  

His eyes widened when he realized that he did remember wrong. He paled when he saw the correct lineup.

Fuck. Which bastard listed it like this? Grouping those three songs together was a surefire way to just murder Adam's already hurting heart. Great. Just great.  

"Adam, we're on," James said, distracting him with a helpful nudge.  

"Y-Yeah.." Adam responded nearly shakily as he stashed the paper in his pocket again and headed out, a ready smile on for the crowd but deep inside he could feel himself start to crumble.  

And so the night went on with Adam singing song by song until finally reaching the last three he dreaded. He tried hard to focus on the lyrics and not the memories behind them but was completely failing as the lyrics started pressing into his head. 

I've wasted my nights

You turned out the lights

Now I'm paralyzed

He didn't mean all of it to come to this. A result of endless night of just thinking, wishing....wanting. 

If happy ever after did exist

I would still be holding you like this

All those fairytales are full of shit

One more stupid love song I'll be sick

He believed in fairytales, as cheesy at that sounded. He really believed in them and hoped that maybe one day he would have all of this sorted out and everything would end with 'happily ever after'. Then one day he just woke up as if he was slapped on the face. It was never going to happen.  

He was lost in the song, everything feeling sewn together by an invisible thread as they transitioned to the next song. Matt and James caught each other's gaze as they both glanced at Adam. Their front man was losing it. They knew it. 

And I remember your eyes were so bright

When I first met you, so in love that night

And now I'm kissing your tears goodnight

And I can't take it, you're even perfect when you cry

When Adam had first seen him, he had been with her. The first thing that Adam had seen that night was how his eyes shone and he wanted so desperately for those eyes to turn towards him. And so...what else would a rock star do? He tripped himself and instantly all eyes were on him. Screw first impressions. He got what he wanted and that was all that he needed. 

And let them go, let them fly

Holding back won't turn back time

Believe me, I've tried

He had held him for a while. They knew it was wrong, so terribly wrong but at the same time it was so right. They couldn't deny that as well.  

'We can't do this anymore, Adam.'  

It was those words that had cut through his heart and he was painfully aware that the last song of the set had come. It was time for that. 

Here I am waiting, I'll have to leave soon

Why am I holding on?

We knew this day would come, we knew it all along

How did it come so fast?

This is our last night but it's late

And I'm trying not to sleep

Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away

The last night. Their last night. They promised to each other. It was over. He wanted it to last, he wanted to remember it clearly. This was the last. This was goodbye. 

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go

But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own

But tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

Here I am staring at your perfection

In my arms, so beautiful

The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out

Somebody slow it down

This is way too hard, cause I know

When the sun comes up, I will leave

This is my last glance that will soon be memory

He stayed awake that night. Not finding himself able to close his eyes and drift into slumber. He needed this. He needed to remember this. Just this...the last night of perfection. 

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go

But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own

But tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

I never wanted to stop because I don't wanna start all over, start all over,

I was afraid of the dark but now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

Start all over. He wanted to be optimistic. 

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go

But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own

But tonight I need to hold you so close

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go

But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close

Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own

But tonight I need to hold you so close

Who was he kidding? 

'Goodbye, Blake.'

Matt looked in alarm as he saw Adam walk over to the stage side, near the crowd. He would have had shrugged it off and let it be if he didn't see Adam fall to his knees.  

Adam was crumbling.  

Matt wished so hard that he wasn't on drums.  

James saw this as well and had taken a step towards their friend but halted when he saw Adam do the most extraordinary thing.  

He stood, wiped his tears quickly before any of them fell, and smiled.  

He looked alright, he looked relieved.  

But James and Matt knew.  

He had already crumbled.