Chapter Text
Gojo Sayaka was born three months early on December 7th at 10:45 PM. She was born with her eyes closed, with little tufts of white hair that the Gojo clan had become staple for, tiny ears that couldn’t hear, and was utterly silent. When the doctors showed her to her mother, her mother had stared before scoffing. Unfit for an heiress, she had said. After all of her blood, sweat, and tears delivering her, Sayaka didn’t even bother crying.
Sayaka was five months old when her eyes opened. Brilliant blue with a slight hint of red ringing around the center. A perfect, albino kit. Her grandmother was thrilled, showing her freshly opened eyes to anyone who would listen. That was when Sayaka’s mother, the clan matriarch, decided that her daughter wasn’t a complete and utter failure of a rabbit.
Sayaka had a fiancé by the time she was three years old. He was a cousin of hers that she never really cared to get to know. She had much more important things to attend to, like watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos: A Personal Voyage on VHS for the fifth time. Like pretending she couldn’t talk when she understood every single word. Her first spoken word was “Europa.”
Sayaka learned right from wrong very quickly. She learned that prey hybrids like the Gojo clan were good. They were pure. They deserved all the positions in the government. She also learned that predator hybrids like the wolves in the Zen’in clan were bad and shouldn’t be allowed in the government, even if they were. By six years old, she also learned exactly why predators like the ones from the Zen’in clan were so yucky.
“Why are you so big?” The Zen’in boy had asked.
“... I’m a bunny.”
“But you’re too big to be a bunny.”
Naoya was the most annoying boy Sayaka had ever met. He was way too loud and had big wolf ears, as well as the most annoying green eyes. But Obaachan had said to be good, so Sayaka would be good.
“Mama says that a lot of people in our family are big for bunnies. It’s our genetics because we’re prime.”
“That’s dumb,” Naoya decided. “I think you’re actually hares.”
Sayaka had to pause at that. A hare…? She wasn’t a hare. She didn’t even look like a hare. “I’m not a hare.”
“Your ears are so big, though!”
Naoya pulled on Sayaka’s ears. So Sayaka did the only reasonable thing in that situation: she bit him. Then, for some odd reason, he bit her back. Her ears immediately pinned to her head, and she bolted. Sayaka ran to Mama, sniffling and saying that Naoya bit her. Mama made this face– her nose scrunched up, her ears went straight up, and her eyebrows got all scrunched up. Then she walked off with that same look at Naoya’s papa. Then Sayaka was taken home and didn’t see the Zen’ins again. Mama said it was because they were wolves, and all wolves had that instinct– to hurt hybrids like Sayaka. That made sense. Naoya was mean, and his papa looked really mean, too. Then, Mama explained that all predators were like that, so Sayaka should really just stay away from all of them. That made sense, too. Sayaka had never met a predator hybrid before, but if Mama said that all predator hybrids were bad, then she believed it.
Sayaka was eight when she had to start being friendly with her fiancé. Gojo Haru was… Okay. He was a bunny as well. He was three years older than Sayaka, making him the youngest option of all her suitors. His papa was Mama’s brother, which apparently made Sayaka and Haru okay to have kits in the future. Sayaka didn’t really understand all that. But Haru-chan was okay, Sayaka supposed. He brought her veggies from the garden and watched space documentaries with her, so that was nice. She didn’t really understand why they had to get married, though. Or have kits. Kits were cool and all, but they were loud and messy. Haru-chan didn’t really mind. He really liked Sayaka… Which was cool. She liked playing chase with him; sometimes he cleaned her hair and ears, which was also really nice.
It was hard at the same time, though. Sayaka didn’t like talking all the time – she preferred to watch Digimon and “The Universe.” He also got mad whenever she repeated him and told Mama that she was making fun of him– she wasn’t. But it was fine. She didn’t care that much.
Sayaka was ten when she started feeling… icky. Her body was changing in ways that she didn’t like at all. Her chest was starting to get bigger. Her hips were getting wider. Mama said it was because she was becoming a big girl. Sayaka didn’t feel much like a big girl. She felt… stupid. She felt gross. That wasn’t even the worst part, though. The worst part was the way that some of the people in her clan would whisper about what she was going to be someday. A mother. A wife. A matriarch. A woman. That all sounded like… the worst thing in the world. Why was she being forced to do all this? It wasn’t fair. She didn't want to do all that. She didn’t want to be a mother, wife, or woman. She wanted to watch space documentaries and Digimon and play with Haru-chan, but not in a wife way, in a normal way…!
“Saya-chan looks sad today,” Haru-chan observed intelligently one day. He was thirteen now. He had since stopped bringing her veggies so often. He didn’t talk about marriage as much either. Sayaka was grateful for that. She didn’t want to get married.
Sayaka didn’t respond momentarily before admitting in monotone, “I am sad.”
“Why?”
Why? Why wouldn’t Sayaka be sad? She was in a body that hated her. She was supposed to marry someone she didn’t want to. She wasn’t even allowed to watch her space documentaries all day anymore; now she had to learn to “be a lady.” She wasn’t a lady!
“... I don’t know,” Sayaka said instead. “I just am.”
Haru-chan nodded solemnly, like he understood. Sayaka knew better, though– No one understood. Not Haru-chan. Not Mama. Not even obaachan. It was unfair.
As if their conversation never even happened, Haru-chan turned back to the television, his floppy ears straight up in attention.
-
Sayaka was twelve when she realized she was not Sayaka. She had been given a phone for her birthday with unrestricted online access… It had been hard to convince her mother not to supervise it, but she had said she wanted to research things for school freely, so her mother reluctantly agreed.
Obviously, as a curious preteen, she started exploring as many places online as she could. While searching, she stumbled upon a forum with a weird title.
“Questioning my gender identity!” It read. Sayaka immediately clicked on it. “Hello, everyone! I’m a 20-year-old woman from Japan… But I think I might be a man? I was wondering how you all figured out that you were transgender. Thank you!”
… Transgender?
Sayaka read every response. Then, she started researching everything about transgender men. By the end of the night, she had come to a startling realization.
She wasn’t a she at all. She… He was a boy. Immediately, he started looking for new names. Sayaka just wouldn’t cut it anymore. He searched for a few hours for something that called to him. Then, he found it.
Satoru.
Enlightenment. It was perfect. He had a new name. He was a boy.
… He could never let the clan know about this.
Despite his fears, though, he couldn’t help but feel an immense wave of relief wash over him. He wasn’t broken. He wasn’t gross. He was just a boy.
He was Gojo Satoru.