Chapter Text
I walked home in the rain. Mom and old man got caught up in work. Most people think I am rich. I am. But it doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. Just last year we were dirt poor. Lived in a shitty place with leaks and not air conditioning or heating. I want to a shitty school and was failing all my classes. I had a drug problem not to mention. I hate those things. I still have a drug problem. I can’t he a hero and a villain at the same time. I smoke too. Of course I used to deal as well. I mean how eles did we pay the bills. Mom and dad’s silly dream of being famous and fashion designers. It worked I’ll give them that. It’s just to bsd it ment most of the time they weren’t home. When they were they were working. Mom didn’t see her friends anymore. Dad just didn’t talk to me. Acted like I wasn’t there. Still does. They still do.
-
They forgot me again today. And it’s a storm today. My nice new shoes hit the puddles as I walk in the rain. I don’t have an umbrella. Suppose it’s just one of those things I never got. The light pitter patter soothes me. I hate my fucking life. I’m always angry. I was getting better I wasn’t as sad or angry but now. I feel the rage coming back the resentment of everyone. 3 years of smoking and drug addiction. I started when I was 12! No one noticed. Not even Deku who is always in my business. Suppose I should be grateful. It’s a shameful thing. Thinking about them knowing makes my stomach churn. I was doing good in all my classes. Was getting 85-90s now I’m failing slowly. I’m going to die early with my drug and my smoking problem. Whats the point of even getting into UA? Beging a hero is useless as well. Because lets me honest. Who would want an angry peace of shit saving them? I wouldn’t. No one would. I wish I could speed up the process. Just die faster. It’s going to happen anyway.
-
Day number three. This time no ran. Just clouds. I kick a rock on the ground as I see the nice neighbourhood I’m still learning to call home up ahead. My friends insisted on inviting them over. I really and truly just wanted to go home and sleep. It’s like death but you have to wake up.
They won’t shut up. Same day abd everything. As soon as we got to my house they went ham. I have no food in my fridge anymore which makes me un-easy for some reason. They almost saw my drug stash but I told them we could go get snacks and they jumped at the opportunity. That’s was too close.
-
Mom didn’t forget me today. “Katsuki!” She hollers loudly. Waving me over to our nice new car. “Damn bro your mom’s smoking.” “Tf did you say?” “Like no diss but fuck! I’d love to be your dad.” “Fuck off!” I turn to face fhe dick. “Chill dude! It’s a compliment!” I look him up and down. He looks at me the same way. He smirks. “But uh send me a pick so I can imagine myself with her while i” “shut the fuck up!” I punch him in the face so hard his nose begins to bleed. “KATSUKI BAKUGOU!” Mom’s voice booms. I feel two guys holding me back as I attempt to him again. “Katsuki!” I turn to her shaking the two dudes off me. “Get in the car!” I walk away watching her help him up and his hand linger on her arm for just a second to long. When she gets in the car he smirks at me. I make a slit knife motion across my face. “KATSUKI! How could you do that to him! Isnt he your friend! I can’t BELIVE this such a violent person! How can you be a hero and do things like this huh? Think about that because no hero would do this and no body wants a hero who has done this! Look at Izuku! He is the perfect son! Never gets in any fights at all!” She sighs and rubs her temple. “I just can’t help but wonder where I went wrong?”
I feel a ball form in my throat. Me too.
I run to my room as soon at I get out the car. Dad didn’t notice me running past him at all. Typical. A few tears slide down my cheak as soon as I close the door. I try to be heroic I do try! I’m not a violent dog. I don’t know why I bite.
I don’t know when the tears stoped and the blood begain but at some point I grabbed a blade and I cut myself on my arm. It doesn’t matter because it made me stop crying. And it made me feel alive. Like a human being and not some monster. I deserve to be hurt anyways. People who are violent and act like villains should be punished.
-
I didn’t hear mom or dad keave the house thsy just did. No goodbye. Or Mabye there was. A sticky note on the fridge. (Going on an emergency trip be back in a week pizza money on the counter ❤️) I frown. And sigh as I walk and grab one of the 20$. I feel more sad today than angry. Usually this means I need something to help me out bring me up. And I feel and itch again.
As I walk through the streets a light up a cigarette. No one I know will see me for 5 minuets so why not? It take the edge off makes me calmer. It doesn’t help with my sadness in fact I’m sure it makes me more sad than before. I mean heck I’m killing myself slowly! But for some reason thst doesn’t make me sad. No, just relieved.
At 3rd period I go to the bathroom. My stash ran dry. So much for quitting! I go to the last stall and meet up with my dealer. “Yo.” I wave. “Hello wacha need today cigarettes? Coke?” “Wacha got?” He looks through his bag. “Well cigarettes, coke, weed, meth, brownies weed and meth. And that’s all today!” I nodd and close my eyes thinking. “How much for a pack of weed brownies?” “I got six on me but I recommend one a day. And itll cost you about…”
(a/n: idk how much it would cost… I am not a dealer nor a user.)
“It’ll cost you 15.” I nodd. “And cigarettes?” “5.” I hand a 20 and grab my stuff. I shove it in my bag and begin to walk out. Then i hear the pitiful voice that belongs to Deku. Rage bubbles inside me as I remember what mom said. Perfect fucking Deku. If I could I would beat the shit out of him. I do actually do jut some days. When I feel real angry.
I realize he’s coming and I hide inside a stall. It just feeds my anger.
-
It’s been 3 days and mom and dad come back in 4. If they come back in a week that is. Somethings they stay longer. They never come back home early though. Never that. I threw a rager last night and got drunk. I don’t drink alcohol much only at parties and I don’t usually get super drunk but last night I did. My memories still there though. I remember drinking I remember blaring music and doing lines I remember making out with a bitch and then doing more than making out. I also remember passing out on the couch after we came down.
And down today I’m cleaning up and everyone is gone. I scrubbed the sharply off my face earlier too. I feel guilty and sad though hero’s wouldnt throw a rager to feel better. They would stay at hime and watch a movie or something I don’t know.
I spent a little cleaning my wounds I don’t remember inflicting but I know I did to myself. It’s an embarrassing.
-
I think I took it too far today. I know because I woke up angry. And when I do I’m really mean. I told Deku to kill himself and threw his stupid notebook into a pond thing. I told him to swan five off the roof. I didn’t mean it. I mean I thought about doing to myself! Of course doung thst is too bloody and gets peoples attention too much. But I held off my thoughts because I hate it. What type of monster am I? I’m a fucking hypocrite! Hah! HAH! I have not meet a single hero who was that. I am a liar and a hypocrite. Can I even be called human. I mean come on! I don’t have a purpose right now! All I do is eat sleep do drinks be a bully fucking repeat! Hah! I have no purpose no body likes me all my friends are dicks. And if I’m honest no one would miss me! Mom probably wouldn’t notice until the school calls saying I have not showed up! Heck dad wouldn’t know until mom tells him and even then I doubt he would give a shit. So whats the point? Whats the point of living just to be a nuance? Whats the point of being around if I only cause pain! I’m no better than a fucking villain! How could I have ever thought of being a hero when I can’t even be bothered to not do smoke or do drugs! I’m a bully for fucks sakes!
…
There is no point.
I my jacket and 50$. “Ma I’m going out.” I holler. “Oh okay.” I stay at the door for a second. “Lovs you.” She smiles and waves. Then continues her work. No love you back huh.
I walk into the department store and grab a rope notepad and a pen. Or I stole the pen or the counter. It’s a Misty day for sure. Or I suppose it’s dark Ohr sl night? I head to the highway on foot. Every step i take the more happy j get. No more drugs no more smoking no more drinking no more bullying no more school no more being a distraction or disappointment or a headache!
I walk off the highway. I can see my breath. I grab a log of wood and tie it to a big willow trees. It’s warped there’s a big sturdy branch sticking out from the little whole the leaves make. I have a knife in my pocket. But it’s a switch blade and this is just a classic way to go! Imagine that! I peacefully go. No blood no tears no nothing just silence and the wind.
I tie the nose and then hope down. I think about what to write.
(No point in being sad for someone like me. Love you mom.
-katsuki Bakugou.)
I smile and I place it on my chest with some tape. I stand up on the long and smile down and my feet. I put my head through and then I hop off! A big smile planted on my face.