Chapter Text
Despite knowing she must have gotten home somehow, Rumi honestly couldn’t remember the walk back from the Idol Awards at all. One moment she was up on stage, side-by-side with Mira and Zoey again, and the next she was standing in the middle of their living room.
She blinked, trying to put the pieces together in her head. What was happening now? Zoey seemed to be piling blankets onto the couch, and Mira re-entered the room with what looked like… pillows from her bedroom?
Her head was still annoyingly foggy.
Rumi swayed in place, stumbling as she regained her footing. If they were going to be sleeping here, then she should probably go to bed too, right? Yes, she should go to her room now, that made sense. Probably.
She felt oddly fragile, like glass that would shatter if handled wrong. Normally, she was able to push the sensation down, but now it was all she could do to not drown in it; was she doing the right thing by standing there, or should she have left already? What if Zoey and Mira wanted her to stay put, and by leaving she’d be making them upset? She’d ruined enough already, she needed to get this right.
Rumi was startled out of her spiralling thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. The hand quickly vanished, leaving the empty space feeling even colder than before.
“Sorry!” Zoey said quietly, and Rumi shrunk in on herself a little. She was making Zoey apologise - it was Rumi who should be apologising. “We just- the couch is ready, if you wanna sleep?”
Wait, what?
Rumi had assumed she would be sleeping by herself, but it probably made sense that they’d all sleep on the couch; it was normal after a long night, when none of them wanted to be alone. But this was different, very different.
Well, Zoey hadn’t actually said that Rumi was meant to sleep on the couch, right? So, maybe she wasn’t even inviting her at all, but just telling her to go to her bed while she and Mira slept on the couch. That made more sense, but if that was what Zoey meant, why wouldn’t she just say that? Unless Rumi was just meant to know that was what she meant, maybe it was obvious.
At the complete lack of response from Rumi, Zoey slipped her hand into her own, bringing Rumi’s racing thoughts to a halt as Zoey gently tugged her towards the couch. Too tired to resist, Rumi followed her lead.
Crawling under the pile of blankets, she felt Mira (who must have been waiting for them) threw an arm over her as Zoey somehow managed to lie on top of both of them at the same time.
“Zoey,” Mira mumbled, failing to sound annoyed.
Rumi barely heard her, too occupied by how suddenly warm she felt, pressed against them.
They shouldn’t want Rumi around after tonight, so why had they insisted on her staying? Everything was so confusing, and for some reason it was impossible to think clearly with Zoey and Mira so close.
She eventually gave up, falling into a dreamless sleep.
-
As her eyes snapped open, the first thing she realised was that it was still pitch black outside.
The second was that she was glowing.
Fear seized in her throat. She had to get away before Zoey or Mira woke up. How had they even stayed asleep this long? The room was washed in sky blue, though it was beginning to shift to pink instead.
Thankfully, both Zoey and Mira had (consciously or unconsciously) moved away from her at some point in the night. She dragged herself from the tangle of blankets, taking shallow breaths as quietly as she could.
Rumi watched the girls for a long, tense moment, making certain that they still hadn’t woken up.
Then, she fled.
She ended up in the bathroom, because of course. Rumi wasn’t sure how long she stood there, back to the door, staring blankly at her reflection through the floor-length mirror along the left wall. She hadn’t bothered to turn on the light, but it didn’t matter; her patterns illuminated the room a bright, sickly pink.
Eventually her shaking knees gave out, and she slid ungracefully to the ground, closing her eyes as she tipped her head back against the door.
Rumi squeezed her eyes shut. She’d always known she was a monster, but this was different. Now everyone knew - her girls knew - that she was a freak, a mistake. Jinu was wrong.
Her breath hitched as she thought back to when Zoey and Mira had found her backstage only a few hours ago.
Rumi stared at the patterns crawling up the back of her hands, and could feel her world crumble beneath her.
“How… do you have patterns?” Zoey asked, her voice wrong. Scared.
“These were supposed to be gone - you were never supposed to see!” Rumi was tripping over her words, barely able to hear what she was saying over the sound of her heart hammering in her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself, but it didn’t stop the feeling of her heart tearing apart.
Mira looked at her, and Rumi wanted to throw up. Mira, her Mira, was looking at Rumi the same way she looked at her parents. “You were hiding this from us this whole time?”
Rumi was speaking so fast now that she didn’t even know if they could understand her. “No, I have a plan to erase them. Jinu was supposed to- I- He was-”
Zoey cut her off. “Jinu? You’re working with him?” Her eyes narrowed.
“No. No! No!” Her eyes searched theirs, pleading. “I was using him to fix all this! To fix me! So we could all do our duty!”
Rumi could see it in their faces that it wasn’t working, and she only had seconds to keep their bond from shattering. She had to tell them how she felt. They’d been dancing around their feelings for so long that she’d imagined a million ways to confess, and though she’d never thought it would end up like this, she had no choice - deep in her soul, she knew that she needed them.
Rumi went on - this was it. “We could all be strong. Be together.”
“How could we be together,” Zoey’s voice, soft at first, quickly turned cold. “if we can’t tell your lies from your truths, Rumi?”
Her heart cleaved in two.
They didn’t want her. They didn’t want her.
“I knew it.” Mira scoffed quietly. “I knew it was too good to be true.”
Rumi could feel herself flying out of control. “Mira, no!” She cried desperately. “Didn’t you see? See the gold? We’re so close!” She took a step towards them, holding back a flinch as they stepped back. “No! Don’t leave! Don’t leave!” Rumi took another step forward, and they backed away again.
“I can still fix it!”
Her voice echoed in a way it shouldn’t have been able to. As the shockwaves faded away, she met their horrified eyes.
She sounded exactly like a demon.
Mira’s expression shifted into something unreadable. Slowly, she lifted her Gok-do and pointed it straight at Rumi.
Rumi was numb. This wasn’t happening.
Zoey closed her eyes, face wet with tears.
Rumi’s voice wavered. “Zoey, please.”
For one short moment, she thought Zoey might change her mind, that things would somehow be okay. But as Zoey opened her eyes, her Shin-Kal appeared in her hands.
Rumi felt her face crumple. Tearing her gaze from them, she ran, body wracked with sobs as they clawed their way from her chest.
She was alone.
The memory faded, and Rumi was suddenly back on the bathroom floor again.
She felt sick. She had screwed everything up, and nothing would be the same again. Of course she didn’t blame them - who could love a demon? Not even Celene could do that, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
(She was twelve by the time she realised that there was no point in trying harder, because Celine was looking at her with guilt, not disappointment.)
(She tried harder anyway.)
So no, it wasn’t their fault. Logically, she knew she couldn’t control their feelings and she needed to respect their rejection, even if she had mistakenly thought there was something between them.
But without them, she was alone. They were her rock, the one constant in her life, and however selfish it was she needed them now more than ever.
No, she thought sharply. What she needed to do was control herself, she was being unreasonable. Rumi knew that it was dangerous to let her emotions get ahead of herself, how could she have let this get so out of hand?
She stared at her reflection in the mirror, trying in vain to picture herself without patterns. Jinu was right about one thing - the only thing she could do was feel.
And it was agony.
As waves of misery washed over her, Rumi tried to cry as quietly as she could until her body gave in, and she slipped into unconsciousness.
-
“Rumi?”
Rumi was suddenly and unceremoniously dragged from sleep. For a moment she had no idea where she was, but everything flooded back just as quickly. She felt awful; her whole body ached in a way she’d never even felt before.
“Rumi, are you in there?” Said a voice from the other side of the door. Mira.
She couldn’t remember ever waking up this disoriented; she was still so tired. She should respond, shouldn’t she?
“Yeah?” Rumi said, wincing at how her voice cracked.
Why were they here? They’d wanted nothing to do with her earlier, and for good reason. They may have let her crash on the couch with them, but they were all so tired then that it didn’t count. So what could they want?
This time, it was Zoey who spoke. “Can we… come in?”
No, no no. It was too soon. Rumi still felt too breakable, there was no way she could lie right now. Nothing good would come from her facing them at that moment.
But despite herself, she didn’t even hesitate. Right now, she would do anything they asked.
Rumi slowly stood on weak legs, leaning on the handle as she opened the door. The hallway was still dark outside, but a faint glow from the end of the hallway indicated that it would be morning soon.
She must have looked pathetic, because Mira’s eyebrows raised a fraction and Zoey gave her a look that was usually reserved for sad animal videos.
Rumi hadn’t had the chance to change out of her clothes from the idol awards, and she was hyper-aware that her patterns were fully exposed. This was too similar to the Idol Awards - were they here to finish her off? Or maybe they would ask her to leave?
She took a shaky breath.
Mira stepped forward. “Whoa, Rumi. You okay?”
Whatever she’d expected, that wasn’t it. Anything she could have said died on her lips, and horrified, Rumi realised she was crying.
Instantly, she was wrapped in a hug from both sides. She pressed her forehead against Mira’s shoulder, hiding her face as she tried desperately to control herself and failed. She clung embarrassingly to the front of Mira’s shirt as her body trembled with sobs.
She could feel Zoey rubbing her back, could hear Mira whispering reassurances in her ear, but she still couldn’t help but feel bad. She’d hurt them, scared them, and now she was crying all over them like she was the one who deserved to be upset.
Rumi tried to apologise, but a small whine slipped out instead, and she cringed in on herself. She couldn’t even say sorry, after everything she did to them.
“Hey, Rumi.” Mira spoke quietly into her ear. “Let’s go back to the couch, okay?”
Rumi nodded into her shoulder. She’d do anything to be good right now.
Mira shifted Rumi until she was holding her in a bridal carry. She said something quiet to Zoey that Rumi couldn’t make out, which sent the other girl racing off. Rumi lifted her head up just enough to give Mira a questioning look.
Mira seemed surprised to find Rumi looking at her, but caught on quickly. “Oh, I just asked Zoey to go get something. She’ll be back, don’t worry.”
Rumi nodded, laying her head against Mira again. She didn’t understand why they were being so nice, but Rumi was not going to ruin things again, so she stayed quiet as Mira carried her back over to the living room.
She remained silent as Mira sat them down on the couch, adjusting Rumi so she was sitting in Mira’s lap, face pressed into the crook of Mira’s neck.
“Is this okay?” Mira asked, and it sent an arrow through her heart. Because it was fine, it was more than fine, but she wanted it to mean more and it didn’t.
Rumi tried to say something, anything, but the only thing that came out was another whine. Jaw snapping shut, she nodded quickly, loosening her grip from Mira’s shirt and moving them to wrap around herself instead.
“That’s good,” Mira replied, and the reassurance was more soothing than Rumi wanted to admit.
This was humiliating, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away because for some reason Mira seemed to want Rumi there. Slowly, almost against her will, she felt herself start to relax.
The sound of footsteps appeared, growing nearer until Zoey joined them. “Hey,” she said from somewhere on Rumi’s left, drawing out the word. “I’m back. I got you this, if you want it?”
Feeling like a child, Rumi looked over her shoulder to see Zoey hold up one of her hoodies. It was so Zoey, blue and yellow and covered in turtles. She’d told Rumi years ago how she’d gotten it custom made.
(“It’s super heavy, see?” Zoey had explained. “The weight makes it feel more calming.”)
Rumi hesitated for a long moment.
“...yeah." She whispered, eventually. "Thanks.”
This was better than nothing, wasn’t it? If Mira and Zoey were fine with acting the same as before, she was surely allowed to do the same. The only difference was that she knew they didn’t like her that way, but she could make her peace with that if it meant things could go back to normal.
So she accepted the hoodie, closing her eyes as Zoey wrapped her arms around them both and Mira pulled a blanket over the three of them.
And then, for the third time that night, Rumi fell asleep.