Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The team assignments were, officially, lost due to a clerical error.
In shinobi language, “Clerical error” is an umbrella term, really. The coffee stained the paper explaining the mission detail, leading to the assassination of the wrong crime lord? Clerical error. Genma napped in the briefing room, woke up in the middle of a very serious mission assignment and was mistakenly designed as team leader? Clerical error. There was an unauthorized payment from the Hokage’s office’s budget, used to buy Icha Icha? Obviously a clerical error, the Hokage would never buy pornography! Come on. So basically, if there is a fuck-up and there was paper involved, prior, during or after said fuck-up, it was a clerical error.

Anyway. The team assignment were lost because Konohamaru had just discovered exploding tags, and had tested one in his favorite teacher’s office.

Iruka was not pleased.

Well, nobody was pleased, except Konohamaru because that explosion has been freakin’ awesome, did you see that guys?!

But the fact was that the office was smoking, all papers had been turned to ashes, Iruka was rushed to the hospital because his coughing fit was actually painful to hear, and his face was beet red in a way that hinted at minor burns rather than at anger (though there was plenty of that), and the new graduates were going to be here within the next hour. Team assignments, of course, did not come with duplicates. And that was bad, because… because assigning a team to a Jounin-sensei was monstrously complicated. Teams were chosen after nearly a month of work, of studying psychological profiles and list of abilities, of carefully selecting the Jounins… It was long. It was painful. It was difficult. It was not done in an hour.

Shimura Naoko-sensei looked at the disaster that was Iruka’s office, and her left eye twitched.

Shimura Naoko-sensei, headmistress of the Academy, was currently envisioning their short-term future, and it was bad. There had been a similar situation some twenty years ago, when she was still a young assistant-teacher. The graduates were forced to stay in the Academy for a month and a half. Something about a new roster of front-line fighters that changed all Jounins’ availability. The school was forced to keep the new Genins… and quickly descended into chaos. The new Genins were left with no supervision and tried to do missions (like sabotaging classes), training (like setting the courtyard on fire), or worse, sparing (and breaking each-other’s arms, what the fuck Hatake). Four teachers cried, the building had to be evacuated twice, and they accumulated a three months delay in the curriculum (in a single month! How was it even possible!). They lost two Genins who just wandered on their own and ended up in the Forest Of Death. Eight academy students were pulled out by their parents, because the Academy was now a dent of insanity. It has been hell.

In short: Shimura Naoko-sensei was not dealing with this shit. Nope.

She turned to Suzume-sensei like a falcon pouncing on a defenseless mouse, and Suzume squeaked. Honest to God squeaked. Shimura Naoko-sensei was usually nice. But right now she was radiating killing intent, and it was that kind of moment that reminded her subordinates that she was a distant relative of Shimura Danzo, student of the Nidaime and Konoha number one terrifying retired ninja.

“They need a Jounin-sensei”, the headmistress hissed.

“But we don’t know who…” pitifully began Suzume.

“I. Do. Not. Care.” stressed Shimura Naoko-sensei. “They need a Jounin-sensei. Do you know why?”

“Because they are… Genins?”

“Because I want them gone. Every single one of them. Gone. Before midday, in three hours. And since killing our own Genins is mildly frowned upon, give them to a Jounin. Any Jounin.”

Suzume blinked.

“Any Jounin?” she checked.

“Anyone”, nodded Naoko-sensei. “Pick one, bring them here, tell them to pick three brats and to leave. Far away. Forever.”

Suzume-sensei looked dubious. But, well, she could understand Naoko-sensei’s feelings. This year’s class has been… difficult. Hair-pulling between clan heirs was a nightmare, but they also had to deal with the Uchiha survivor (a psychopath in the making, if you asked Suzume-sensei), that demon brat, at least ten girls with the emotional maturity of a quilt, and five civilian boys so stupid they should have been downed at birth.

“What if the Jounin-sensei… doesn’t want them?” Suzuma managed to say rather diplomatically.

Naoko-sensei pursed her lips: “If they’re not happy with their pick later, they can trade with another Jounin-sensei. If we manage to recover the original teams assignments… We’ll see what we can do. In the meantime, I don’t want any Genin in this building past midday, or I set them on fire. Is that clear?”

“Very clear!” Suzume squeaked.

Shimura Naoko-sensei harrumphed, turned on her heels, and headed to her office to plan a new class schedule. Iruka was in no state to lecture a bunch of brats. And with Mizuki as a traitor, they were now short two Chuunin-sensei. Organizing classes was going to be… Interesting.

Suzume took a moment to be happy she was not headmistress, then she turned and went to find as many Jounin as she could.

.

“Excuse-me, are you a Jounin?”

“… I am, indeed! A Jounin in the Springtime of his Youth! And I am waiting for my students, as they seem to have lost this race against me around the village!”

“Errrr, never mind.”

.

“Excuse-me, are you a Jounin?”

“Eh? Me? Sorry, just a Chuunin here! But if you want a Jounin, Morino Ibiki just turned the corner of the street. Careful, he is pissed.”

Suzume gulped. Yeah, how about no for this one?

.

“Nara-san! Nara-san! You are a Jounin, isn’t it? I have a job for you!”

Nara Shikaku, head of the Nara clan, shuddered from head to toes at the mention of the reviled word. A job implied work, and today was cloud-watching day. So he pretended very hard not hearing anything, and Shushined away with a speed that would have made the Yondaime proud.

“Oh, are you kidding me?” Suzume-sensei cursed.

.

“Excuse-me! Are you a Jounin?”

“Um, yes?”

“Great! I need your help! See, there was this little clerical error at the Academy, and the new Genins are…”

“Ah, sensei, I think there is a mistake. I, the honorable Ebisu, already have a pupil. I cannot take any more students, as I already gave my word to teach the way of shinobi to the young Konohamaru-kun!”

Suzume stopped, squinted, and Ebisu really should have noticed the dangerous twitch of her right hand. Really.

“Oh, you are young Sarutobi Konohamaru’s teacher, then? The one responsible for his education and his sense of responsibility?”

“Indeed I am!”

.

“Excuse-me, shinobi-san! Are you a Jounin?”

“Whoa, stop right there, lady! I saw that punch. Granted, Ebisu probably deserved it, but I have a date and I can’t be late. Go give a black eye to someone else.”

.

“Shinobi-san?”

The weirdo in a mask raised his eyes from his book, and blinked.

“Hm?”

“Are you a Jounin?”

“Maaa, you could say that…”

“Thanks god!” Suzume exclaimed. “I need you to…”

But her pleading died on her lips when she recognized the book and its bright orange color. The book that the Jounin was reading. Here. In the street. In public. In broad daylight. Where he could be seen by innocent children.

“IS THAT PORNOGRAPHY?!”

.

“I can’t do this anymore,” moaned Suzume-sensei, dragging her feet. “Where do they find their damn Jounin-sensei? It’s been an hour already, the Genins must be waiting… What a nightmare! If only I could find a Jounin!”

“Well, you only need to ask” said an amused voice.

She turned. And blinked. Four ninjas were standing just behind her, apparently just coming out of a dango store. There was a smiling guy with sunglasses and a spiky haircut, next to another man who was chewing on a senbon, laid back and hands in his pockets. Behind them were a kunoichi with purple hair and a long coat, who still had a dango stick in her hand and a mouth full of sweets, and a man with a bumpy and ugly scar on the left side of his face.

“You’re too nice, Aoba,” sighed the guy with the scar on his face.

“Shut up Raidō,” scowled the one with sunglasses (Aoba, apparently). “Somebody needs to be, with you social misfits.”

The kunoichi snorted, her dango went down the wrong way, and she began to cough. The scarred guy (Raidō) began to thump her back, glaring at Aoba: “See? Niceness never ends well.”

“Not my fault if Anko’s allergic to amiability!”

The senbon-chewing guy rolled his eyes, then turned to Suzume, letting his friends bicker: “Anyway. Problem?”

Suzume-sensei blinked, then joined her hands and practically begged: “Are you Jounins?”

“… Yes.”

“All four of you?”

“Yes?”

It was too good to be true. They were probably insane, of irresponsible, or… Something. But Suzume couldn’t have cared less. She had done it! Shimura Naoko-sensei was going to be so proud! With stars in her eyes, she took both hands of the cute, senbon-chewing Jounin (who looked rather alarmed), and resisted the urge to hug him. Her hero. Her life-saver.

“Jounin-san, I need your help. There was this little explos… Er, clerical mistake at the Academy. You can probably still see the smoke from here. Anyway, I need you to choose three kids among the new Genins, they’re in the class A3, and to… take them as your students. Just temporarily!”

“What, we can choose?” asked Aoba with disbelief.

“Yes! You can choose them. You can train them. You can also just tell them to go home, or use them to do your laundry, or make them do D-rank missions and take a cut from the pay. We need them gone from the building!”

“What about the actual Jounin-sensei?” said Raidō with skepticism.

“Clerical mistake,” repeated Suzume-sensei. “We just need a temporary solution until we can… well, find them.”

There was a short silence, then the kunoichi of the group –who seemed to have finally gulped down her dango– slowly let a terrifying smile stretch her lips.

“Are you saying”, she began with barely concealed delight, “that we can have our own minions?”

“Er, Anko…” hesitated the guy in sunglasses.

But Suzme-sensei was already furiously nodding, painfully aware of the seconds tricking by, and of the impending doom awaiting their Genins if Shimura Naoko-sensei found them teacher-less past midday.

Bursting into maniacal laughter, Anko charged toward the Academy, and promptly disappeared in the streets. The cute senbon-chewing Jounin closed his eyes with resignation, Aoba hid his face in his hands, and his friend Raidō comfortingly patted his shoulder.

“I’m going to look for Kurenai”, he offered. “Maybe she can do some damage control.”

“They are late”, grumbled Naruto.

“Shut up, Naruto-baka!” growled Sakura, raising her fist threateningly.

“He’s right!” loudly complained Kiba. “They said to wait here but it’s going to be two hours and nobody came!”

“Calm down,” snorted one of the boys. “It’s been barely fifteen minutes.”

“Troublesome,” sighed Shikamaru.

“Here, take a crisp!” offered his friend Chōji.

“Where are those damn Jounin-sensei?” whined Ino. “And when are we supposed to know which team we are in and with who? I want to be with Sasuke-kun!”

“Shut up, Ino-pig!”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, FOREHEAD?!”

Naruto scowled. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke… What did he have that made him so special? He was a jerk! And an ugly one! Naruto began to rise from his seat, intent on staring down that bastard and teach him who was the coolest ninja here…

… And the window exploded.

Two kunai planted themselves in the ceiling, letting a long black cloth fall between them like a banner, reading “Come to me, Team Awesome!” in white letters. In the same breath, a kunoichi had jumped in front of her banner, striking a pose.

“Mitarashi Anko-sensei has arrived! Be afraid, for what I’m here to collect my minions!”

“Minions?” repeated Shikamaru.

Nobody heard him. The shock, probably. Or maybe Naruto’s yell, the boy literally rising from his seat his enthusiasm:

“That was SO AWESOME! I’m going to enter EVERYWHERE like this, believe it!”

“Ah!” exclaimed Anko, pointing a finger to the young Uzumaki with an approving glint in her eyes. “This one has taste! You’ll be Minion Number One!”

“Eh?”

“Now, I need two others,” mused Anko, her eyes looking over the petrified students. “I already have the loudmouthed one, now I need a cool-and-quiet one… You! Yes, you, with the cool vest and the sunglasses. I like your style. You’ll be Minion Number Two.”

Aburame Shino just blinked. Anko smirked, then sought her next victim with an ominous smile. Every single student stopped breathing.

“And a girl, now…”

Hinata made herself as small and invisible as possible. She would have loved to be on the same team that Naruto-kun, really, but that teacher was just too scary for her. Anko’s smirk grew, and suddenly her eyes stopped on their target and she snapped her fingers (about two thirds of the class jumped in their seats):

“You!”

“Me?” Ino squeaked.

“Yup, you, the pretty one. The others look boring. You’ll be Minion Number Three.”

Anko then clapped her hands once, looking absolutely delighted, while the three designated students exchanged stunned glances. The others kids seemed just glad to not have been chosen by The Crazy One.

“Perfect!” clamed said crazy kunoichi. “Starting today, we are Team Awesome, or Team Anko for short. Let’s begin the party!”

She is my kind of people, thought an overjoyed Naruto, bouncing on his feet: “Yes, Anko-sensei!”

“Oh my God”, whispered Ino.

Shino said nothing. Maybe he was closing his eyes really hard behind his glasses, hoping it was just a bad dream. Too bad for him.

“Come on, minions! Follow me towards Awesomeness!”

Resigned, Shino obeyed. Ino followed him mechanically. Naruto was already on his sensei’s heels before she made it to the door, and was all but bouncing like an over-excited puppy. Anko had to make a conscious effort not to pat his head. She just smirked triumphantly, and left the class with a conquering step, followed by her three students.

And thus, Team Anko was formed.

.

“So!” began Anko after swallowing her dangos (yes, they bought dango. Well, Anko bought ten, let them have one each, and just ate the seven others in less than a minute. What the hell). “I volunteered to be your sensei until the Academy could find your original team and Jounin-sensei, so don’t disappoint me, brats. I don’t want whiny kids, I want ninjas!”

Naruto already thought that she hung the stars, because her entrance had been cool and because she bought him food. Okay, it was dango, not ramen, but still. Food! Nobody but Hokage-jiji and Iruka ever bought him food. Anko-sensei was now his third favorite person ever!

Shino was doubtful. Well, it was hard to say with the sunglasses and the high collar of his coat but he seemed doubtful. He still hadn’t said a word, quietly following and observing their sensei. Now, sitting next to Naruto on the park bench in front of Anko (who was sitting on a garden wall, perfectly comfortable and looking down to them), he was slowly eating his dango, still mute.

Ino has been almost as quiet. She had yelled at Naruto once when he (loudly) asked for ramens, and she had asked a few questions to their new sensei (“Don’t teams have number?” “Not this time, we’re a temporary team.” “Could you swap Naruto or Shino for Sasuke-kun, please?” “Nah. Don’t doubt the sensei. That’s rule number three.” “What are the others rules?” “Later. Now, dango!”). But the truth was, Ino was pretty much dismayed. Loud, tomboyish, rude and always moving, this Anko-sensei was a lot like Naruto or Kiba. Not at all the kind of sensei Ino would have wanted!

“First, I need to know who you are and what you can do!” continued Anko. “Names, likes, dislikes, dreams for the futures, abilities and specialization, hobbies, that kind of thing. So, let’s start with me, the cornerstone of Team Awesome. I’m Mitarashi Anko! Tokubestu Jounin, assassination and infiltration specialist! I’m a great taijutsu and ninjutsu user. Ah, and I also use poisons. My hobbies include making poisons, testing poisons, scaring idiots, hanging out with my friends, tea ceremonies, and being generally awesome. I like dango, drinking with my friends, inappropriate jokes, and cute kimonos. I own, like, seven of them, but I can’t wear them on duty, they’ll get ruined. Anyway! I dislike traitors, oath-breakers and all that scum, spicy food –that stuff is terrible, and if a guy dressed in green try to make you eat curry, punch him in the face–, and… Well, people judging others on things that they can’t control, like the fact that they had a crappy sensei. My dreams for the future are first to kill a certain guy, who is an asshole and a traitor by the way, second to settle down with a nice guy who can hold his sake, and third to be a respected shinobi of the Leaf.”

“Me! Me!” bounced Naruto until Anko, chuckling, gave him the floor. “My name is Uzumaki Naruto, believe it! I’m the most awesome ninja ever! I’m good at… at… pranks. And at making traps. And at escaping from angry people. And jokes! My hobbies are pulling pranks and eating ramen. I like ramen, and the color orange, and Hokage-jiji and Iruka-sensei! I dislike the how long a kettle takes to boil for instant ramen, and people who hate me for stupid reasons like, stuff that I can’t control and all that. My dream is to be Hokage, believe it!”

“What, just one dream?” chided Anko. “That’s boring. What are you going to do when you accomplish it, just sit here and wait? New rule: you all need at least four dreams!”

“You only gave us three!” Ino complained.

“Suck to be you," deadpanned Anko. “Minion Number One, care to try again?”

“Yeah! My dreams are, er, became Hokage so the villagers respect me! That’s the first one. The second one, er… I want to eat ramen all my life! The third is… er… it’s… having friends! A lot of friends. And the fourth is… to… be awesome?”

“Good dreams, minion” approved Anko. “Next! Minion Number Two!”

Shino swallowed his dango, and stated dully:

“My name is Aburame Shino. I am a tracker and a long-range fighter. Why? Because I use my clan techniques.”

“What is that?” whispered Naruto at Ino.

Of course, he was so loud that everybody heard him. Ino grinded her teeth, glaring at him, but Anko just smiled brightly, apparently pleased:

“The Aburame Clan use kikaishū, special insects that can absorb, track and detect chakra. Looks like I got lucky when I picked you! Aburame are great for tracking or capture missions.”

Shino mutedly inclined his head, acknowledging Anko’s praise, and resumed his introduction in a monotonous tone:

“My hobbies are entomology, the study of insects, and collecting new specimens for my collection. I like training, caring for my hive, and strategy games. Why? Because it is relaxing and quiet. I dislike inattentive people, smelly food, and people who dislike insects. My dreams are to fight someone strong, to discover a new species of insect, to have a united team, and to maybe be a teacher in a few years.”

“Not bad,” judged Anko. “Next!”

“My name is Yamanaka Ino” began Ino. “Like Shino, I’m not a close-range melee fighter because I use my clan technique.”

“What clan technique?” asked Naruto again.

“Reading mind and possessing people,” Ino said flippantly.

“Like… a ghost?”

“Stupid! Ghosts don’t possess people! Yamanaka do!”

“It’s dead useful for retrieval, capture or interrogation missions” added Anko. “But when they do that, Yamanaka leave their bodies. Big liability on the field. We’ll work on that.”

“Isn’t it what my team is for?” frowned Ino. “Capture the target and protect my body while I possess the enemy?”

“In the Ino-Shika-Chō formation, yeah” Anko acknowledged. “But that team is not the Ino-Shika-Chō. Besides, what about solo missions? Multiple team missions? Missions in another team? Are you really gonna rely on the others so carelessly? That’s so not awesome. You’re a shinobi, you’re gonna learn how to kick ass with or without your clan techniques!”

“… Yeah. Right. Okay. So… My hobbies are shopping, learning secrets or gossip –same thing, really–, and reading stories, mostly romance or crime. I like… Sasuke-kun… fruits and cake… stories… and exploring new places. I dislike traitors and people who turn their back to their friends, people with no fashion sense, and being bored. My dreams for the future are to prove Forehead-girl that she’s a stupid, frivolous girl with no sense of loyalty whatsoever, and then to marry Sasuke-kun. I also want to be like my father, a strong shinobi of the Leaf, and… to have a family one day.”

“Not bad, your dad is a cool guy,” noted Anko. “So! Next stage: practical skills! Minion Number One… No, wait, that’s a mouthful after a while. I’m going to all you One-kun, that’ll be shorter.”

“Why not just Naruto?” blinked the boy, baffled.

“Because bossing people and calling them minions is super-awesome. You’ll see when you’ll be the boss of someone.”

Naruto opened wide eyes, suddenly hit by an idea: “Wait, if I have kids… peoples… whatever. If there are peoples who call me boss, I can call them minions, and that’ll make me awesome? Because there’s that kid who follow me around…”

“Yup. Wait, you have a minion?! I can believe a ten years old had a minion before me!”

“I’m twelve!”

“Whatever. Come on, practical skills now. See the training ground there? One-kun, if you’re good with traps, impress me. You have ten minutes. Two-kun, Three-chan, go with him, watch him, and help him. You’re a team now, that’s important. Oh, Two-kun, careful with your kikaishū, I have so many poisons in my blood that it could hurt them. Come on, chop chop!”

The three kids scampered, and Anko smirked. Oh, she liked being a teacher. She really, really liked it.
Now, she had ten minutes to spare… Just the time for a few dangos!

Meanwhile, at the Academy…

.

“Hello, kids. I’m Shiranui Genma, tokubetsu Jounin. I’m taking three of you as my students today. I don’t really know you, so… Is there anyone who’s good with taijutsu or weapons techniques? Also, volunteers, please state your names.”

“Me! Karisaya Ami!”

“Me, too! Jinta!”

“Choose me! I’m Inuzuka Kiba and I’m cool! And Akamaru is, too!”

“Me! Heiwa Mariko! And choose Sasuke-kun, too! He is super-strong!”

“Well, if he is, he probably can speak for himself”, Genma stated after a mindful glance at the Uchiha survivor, who scowled.

Genma decided to not touch that kid and his mental trauma with a ten-foot pole. All Uchiha were pretty much douchebags with tons of issues, anyway. Instead, he turned toward the others kids with a pleasant smile.

“So, Karisaya, Jinta, and Inuzuka, with me. Let’s go!”

.

“Hello, Genins! I’m Yamashiro Aoba. I’m taking three students today. My specialty is information-gathering, so, strategy games’ adepts or people wishing to specialize in spying, please raise your hand and state your name.”

“Me! Dondon Eiki, sir!”

“Me, too. I’m Kita Natsumi!”

“Me! Nobutsumi!

“Er, sensei? Shikamaru fell asleep…”

“A Nara, eh?” said Aoba with a considering look. “Wake him, I’m bringing him. I’m also taking Dondon and Kita. Good luck, the others!”

“… Troublesome…”

.

“Good morning. I’m Yuhi Kurenai. Now, I was supposed to be the permanent sensei of Team 8, but seeing as there was a clerical error and that two of my student are already gone… Hyuuga Hinata, please come forward.”

“Y-y-yes, sensei.”

“Good. Now, I need two others students. Who is skilled at genjutsu?”

“Me, sensei. I’m Haruno Sakura.”

“Me, too! I’m Sasaki Miwa !”

“Me! Yukimura Toshiro!”

“Well. Haruno and Sasaki, follow me. It is unusual to have an all-kunoichi team, but that’ll do for today.”

.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m Sarutobi Asuma. I was supposed to be Team 10’s sensei, but, eh, things happened. So… Akimichi Chōji, you’re with me. Anyone interested in close-range melee combat?”

“Me. Uchiha Sasuke.”

“… Okay… Anyone else?”

“Sato Haruka!”

“Yamasaki Anri!”

“Oshiro Saaya!”

“Mina!”

“Whoa, calm down girls! Mina, you’re with me. Let’s go!”

.

“Hello, I’m Namiashi Raidō…”

“Hello, Genins. My name is Ensui Nara…”

“Good morning”, *cough*, “I’m Gekkō Hayate…”

“Hi, kids! I’m Inuzuka Gaku…”

“Good morning. My name is Hyuuga Iroha…”

And, about three hours later…

“Hello Team 7, I’m Hatake Kakashi and… Uh? Where is everyone? Is it the wrong classroom?”

Anko was proud.

Okay, at the beginning, when Naruto had attacked head on with ten Kage Bunshin, she was a bit disappointed. But the kid used the clones to lure her in a trap (a shuriken launcher, a classic). Then into another one (with mud and a stink bomb, this one. Clever). Then into another, and another… With occasional appearances from Shino or Ino, usually to bait Anko in one direction or the other. They had pretty good teamwork, for beginners.

Shino had decent taijutsu, but only the basic Academic form. His speed was average, but he had good endurance, though. He was a strategist, too: Anko heard him correctly predict her next move twice (well, her summon heard him. What, you thought that she wouldn’t send a snake to watch the inside work of her team?!)
Ino was quickly out of breath. Running from trap to trap, climbing trees, following her teammates (who were both gifted with good stamina) was taking a lot of effort. But she had really good aim with senbon and kunai, noted Anko with some pleasure. Also, sharp eyes, and maybe a dormant sensor ability. Sneaking on her was almost as difficult as sneaking on Shino, and he had his kikaishū.
Naruto seemed to be leading the charge. Well, his clones did. Leading Anko from a trap to another, jumping on her from trees to surprise her. His use of the Kage Bunshin was astonishing, really. He could make, what, fifty clones?! Even the Hokage couldn’t do that without being dizzy! Bu noooo, Naruto didn’t even break a sweat!

Probably the only advantage of the Fox, though.

The Kage Bunshin were cool. But the traps, the traps! And the running, leading the pursuer exactly where he wanted! It was beautiful. Hidden holes covered with grass, weapon launchers made of twigs and some ninja wire, noose innocently laying on the ground and barely visible, decoys, false traps leading in true traps, ambush of clones, clones henge into wire and shuriken, clones henge into decoys who attacked her when she thought she saw right through the trap, and bombs! Paint bombs. Glitter bombs. Glue bombs. Stink bombs. From where did he get that?! It was amazing! Well, also completely apocalyptic, but amazing!

That kid was going to be amazing at sabotage and infiltration. She couldn’t wait to introduce him to explosives notes.

Anyway. Anko was proud. She had chased them for nearly two hours. The kids had lasted way longer than she would have thought! She caught Shino first, his kikaishū making him easy to track for those who knew that weakness. Ino was next: Anko used a Kamiwari and replaced herself with the young kunoichi just before activating one of Naruto’s traps (glitter bomb. Purple. It suited Ino perfectly.). Naruto was the hardest to catch: the brat was good at running and hiding, when he tried. A true prankster, indeed. And holy cow, he was good at hiding in his clones! She only caught him because he keep trying to free his captured teammates, and couldn’t resist the temptation to do so himself.

But well, she caught them all, so, time for a break.

“Okay, good job Team Awesome!” she yelled. “Now, it’s dango time! Also, debriefing. Ah! New rule: debriefing is also dango time!”

“How many rules do we have?” Ino asked wearily.

“That is not the right question”, said Shino. “Why? Because we don’t even know what the rules are.”

Anko blinked: “Good point. Let’s talk about that after the briefing. Now, dango!”

Naruto, covered of mud because Anko had caught him by tackling him into his own mud-and-glue trap, whined pitifully: “Can’t we have ramen?”

“Maybe later,” allowed Anko.

And she cut the rope. Oh, yeah, there was a rope because of course she tied up her captured students. It was part of the game, and the game was fun! Also, tying them up in top of a big tree, rocking with the wind about ten feet above a stinky pond, was even funnier.
Ino didn’t really think so, but Anko told her that her opinion didn’t count, so.

Anko cut the rope, and watched her student crash into the pond after a very short free fall and an equally short horrified scream.

“Come on, minions!” she laughed.

Intelligible yelling was her only answer. Anko snorted, affected an air of dramatic resignation, and finally sighed.

“Well, you kind of deserved that for all your nasty traps. New life lesson, kids! When you attack, be prepared to be attacked in the same way or worse. Beside, since One-kun and Three-chan were already covered in various gummy substances, I couldn’t let Two-kun miss this wonderful, team-bonding experience.”

She met their three furious glares, snorted, and offered:

“Onsen, and then dango?”

“Ramen,” opposed Naruto.

“Seconded,” grunted Ino because she was petty.

“… Agreed,” said Shino because he was hungry.

“And you’re paying!” Naruto added loudly.

“Pfff. Fine! It’s almost time for lunch anyway. Come on, minions! To the onsen!”

.

Ino immerged herself in hot water with a sigh of pure bliss. She was clean, she was comfortable, she didn’t smell pond anymore, her hair was dirt free, the towels were soft, her muscles could finally relax, and she was happy.

“I forgive you," she informed Anko.

“Thanks,” said the Jounin with dry amusement.

“I forgive you too, sensei!” yelled Naruto from the other side of the fence separating the men’s side and the women’s side.

There was a splash of water, almost as if somebody had kicked someone else in the water, and Shino added flatly: “And me too, sensei.”

Cute.

Anko snorted, then stretched, making her neck pop, and leant comfortably against the pool edge. She loved onsen. Everybody loved onsen, anyway. Well, maybe not Shino. Aburame didn’t have anything against water, but long and too warm baths could be uncomfortable for their hive. So, no more than one hour of soaking in hot water. There was a reason Aburame used mostly lukewarm showers.

“Well, since we’re all here… Debriefing!” called Anko.

“Isn’t debriefing only with dango?” said Naruto dubiously.

“Yeah, it was in the rules!” approved Ino.

“What are the rules?” asked Shino quietly.

“Yeah, the rules!” remembered Anko. “Okay, listen up, minions. That set of rules is the Rules Of Awesomeness. You follow them, and you’ll be Awesome, and cool, and nobody will dare talk shit about you.”

“Really?” exclaimed Naruto from behind the fence.

“Yup. And if one dumbass try to mutter things behind your back, well, nobody will have their back, because people will be all ‘whoa, that’s so not awesome, the way he talk about Anko-sama’. Got it, minions?”

“Yeah!”

“Great. So, here are the Rules of Awesomeness!”

Anko raised one finger, and stated very seriously: “Rule number one: be loyal to your village. Be unquestionably, undoubtedly loyal. Konoha is your home. The worst kind of shinobi is the one who abandons their home, who betrays the trust of their comrades, who breaks their oath to serve and protect. Be. Loyal. Ninjas are people who sneak in the dark and cut throats for money: our only honor lies in our loyalty to the village.”

Ino nodded slowly. That was… something she hadn’t considered. She always knew she could count on her family, her parents, her clan. For her, Konoha was above all her family, her little universe. But knowing true honor was in the village as a whole, it suddenly made her see the bigger picture.

“Rule number two!” continued Anko, raising a second finger. “Keep fighting. If you give up, if you ever give up, just for one moment, you’re dead. It applies in battle, but also in training, in missions, in your everyday lives. Never back down. Never stop fighting. As long as you fight, you’re alive.”

“That’s my Ninja Way!” Naruto yelled from his pool. “I never give up!”

Anko snorted, and the atmosphere lightened. Ino leant against the fence, amused. They were really listening religiously to Anko-sensei… but Ino had to admit, it was deserved. Anko-sensei was weird, and loud, and completely freaking nuts, but they had learn a lot during their short test of practical skill, and Ino was feeling like a real ninja.

“Rule number three: don’t doubt the sensei,” Ino said with a small smile.

“Right,” laughed Anko before growing serious. “But the two previous rules take precedence over this one, minions. Never forget this.”

“What does that means?” demanded Naruto.

“Well”, thought Anko. “Obey your sensei, but if your sensei tells you to roll over and die, don’t obey him. Or her. And if you sensei is disloyal towards the village, you must always choose the village over your sensei.”

“The order of the rules is important,” deducted Shino. “Each rule can be overridden by the prior one.”

“Yup. The second beats the third, the first beats the second, etc. And that’s why the rule number one cannot be broken. Ever. Are we clear?”

“Clear!” answered the kids as one.

“Are there others rules?” Ino asked curiously.

“Rule number four: be grateful for life’s small favors. Such as friends. Or dango. You’ll see, the world is shit without them. Rule number five: never use a poison without an antidote. So if you use something to hurt or kill, you must know the consequences and be prepared to deal with it. And rule number six: leave no man behind. No comrade abandoned in a mission, ‘cause that makes you a traitor. No friend left and forgotten, ‘cause that how you lose them, and when you try to reconnect, it’ll maybe be too late. And no enemy breathing on a battlefield if you can, ‘cause if your enemy survives, he’ll come back to slit your throat.”

Ino gulped. Quietly, Shino declared: “It’s logical. Why? Because most people will try to hurt back those who hurt them. Sometime for justice, sometime for revenge. Such is the nature of the human heart, especially in the word of ninjas.”

“That sucks”, sulked Naruto. “If I kill someone, how can I become friend with them?”

“… You don’t become friend with the enemy, idiot!” finally said Ino after her initial bafflement. “Why would you want to become friend with somebody you’re fighting with?”

And how did he dare to contradict Anko-sensei? Anko-sensei knew what she was talking about, it was obvious. And she was so cool! So strong! So confident! Who cared that she was loud and rude, she inspired respect, and Ino had already decided about fifteen minutes in the practical test that she wanted to be as awesome as Anko-sensei.

“But that’s how Konoha was made!” exclaimed Naruto. “The Uchiha and the Senju were at war, but they made peace, and they made the village. Jiji told me so!”

Ino marked a pause, because. Damn. Naruto got a point. A really good one, at that. The establishment of Konoha was one of the most important lessons taught in the Academy, and it was centered on forgiveness between two enemy clans. Ino hesitantly glanced at Anko-sensei. The tokubetsu Jounin blinked, thoughful.

“You’re right, kid. Okay, how about that: leave no enemy breathing on the battlefield, but if it’s not an enemy anymore, feel free to spare the guy. Better?”

“Yeah!”

“Great. Now, I believe I promised ramen…”

“RAMEN!”

That evening, all the temporary Jounin-sensei held a meeting in a classroom obligingly loaned by the Academy. Honestly, Shimura Naoko-sensei was happy to provide them with empty rooms as long as they kept their kids away. She did not want a repeat of that fiasco of twenty years ago!

Anyway. The Jounin-sensei held a meeting, sharing notes, comparing profiles and talents, and deciding who passed and who stayed. After all, 66% of Genins did not pass their final test and went back to the Academy, entered the Genins Corps, or quit being ninjas. Kakashi was notably absent, even if he was  supposed to be a Jounin-sensei. But after all, he hadn’t taken any student today. Whatever. The others were doing just fine without him.

“Hinata passes,” commented Kurenai. “She has a crippling anxiety issue, but she’s good. The rest of my team, though… I’m not sure.”

“Who did you have?” asked Iruka, going through his notes.

The Chuunin, recruited while he was trying to salvage some papers from his burned office, was their appointed secretary. Since most of the files on the students were gone in the explosion, Iruka was making info-cards from memory, and helped the Jounin to establish the kids’ profiles.

“Sasaki and Haruno. Sasaki has a good control of her chakra but no other skill whatsoever, she need at least another year in the Academy. Haruno is smart, very smart, on multiple subjects, and she has good chakra control, but… her taijutsu is too weak. She has the brain and the will to be a shinobi, but she needs proper guidance.”

“So, Sasaki Miwa doesn’t pass”, noted Iruka on a long list. “But Haruno Sakura does. Next?”

“Nara Shikamaru is a genius,” offered Aoba. “Supremely lazy, but a genius. He passes. Kita shows potential, too. She’s a good strategist, with decent taijutsu, but she really doesn’t go along with Shikamaru so… another team? Or an apprenticeship. And Dondon, the last Genin, is hopeless. He’s sneaky but he doesn’t have the maturity needed. He tried to sabotage Kita to earn himself points.”

“Nara Shikamaru passes,” noted Iruka. “Kita Natsumi passes for the moment. And Dondon Eiki… fails. Next one?”

“Inuzuka passes”, said Genma. “Barely, but he passes. The others two aren’t ready.”

“Inuzuka Kiba passes. Jinta fails, and Karisaya Ami too. Next one?”

“The twins on my team failed”, stated Hayate after a short fit of coughing. “They were complete disaster. That being said… The other boy deserves another try. His stamina is pitiful, but he’s very good with genjutsu. Incredible chakra control, too.”

“The Kurobochi twins fail. It isn’t surprising” sighed Iruka. “Those two weren’t ready. But Yukimura Toshiro pass, that’s a good thing. Next one?”

“The two boys in my team aren’t so bad”, stated Hyuuga Iroha. “They both have acceptable skills for children raised in civilian families. There is room for individual progress, but they’re a good duo. The girl is a spoiled brat, completely unable to keep up.”

“Kinji and Ikeda Otani temporary pass,” noted Iruka. “They should stay together. And Abe Suzuka fails. Okay, who else?”

“Uchiha Sasuke passes,” said Asuma, lighting a cigarette (and promptly extinguishing it after making eyes contact with the disapproving Kurenai). “He’s brilliant. He has a serious attitude problem, though. Since we have temporary team, I didn’t bother with the presentation and all the talk about dreams and hobbies…”

“Nobody did," assured Nara Ensui with a yawn.

“… But I’m sure it would have been mildly disturbing. I managed to make him listen to me after giving him a few pointers, telling him it was some advice given by an Uchiha. I told him his taijutsu style would be much more efficient with a partner, all blunt force, to push his adversary exactly where he need them to be. Did you know what he said? ‘I don’t need anyone’!

“And they wanted to give him to Kakashi,” chuckled Genma. “Poor kid. No, actually, poor Kakashi.”

“What did you told him?” Iruka asked wearily.

“I said that being in a team was a gigantic advantage, especially against a solo enemy. Like, for example… a missing-nin.”

Someone groaned. Others face-palmed. But Asuma just snorted: “Eh, it worked. He listened to me like I was giving him the secrets of the universe. ‘This is the point of the team’, I told him. ‘They optimize your fighting and you optimize their. Individually, everyone has weaknesses: stamina, or strategy, or speed… But together, weaknesses are cancelled, and there is only strength’.”

“The Sarutobi brain in action,” smirked Inuzuka Gaku.

“He probably didn’t even notice you were manipulating him,” said Kurenai with amusement.

“Eh! It’s for a good cause. And give me some credit, I’m a Jounin and he’s a twelve year old, emotionally scarred kid. Anyway, I spend half my time grooming that idiot. ‘A lone fighter is always targeted first’, ‘for a ninja in this word, solitude is self-sabotage’, ‘to be stronger, you need to know your faults and work on them, and your team can help you this that without pity or judgment, because when they help you, they’re improving too, so it’s a win-win’. I barely observed my two other students, because I was too busy defusing that freaking time bomb of a kid. Seriously. He needs so much therapy.”

“So, your other students…?”

“Oh, well. I think Chōji passes. At the end, I made him work with Sasuke, and they went along fine. The girl, Mina, has a good taijutsu but she’s hopeless as soon as Sasuke enter her field of vision.”

“For the moment, they all pass” decided Iruka. “Mina’ll go in another team tomorrow.”

“That’s cool with me.”

“Great. So… Now… Who else?”

There was a silence. After a few seconds, Genma exasperatedly nudged Anko, who was drowsing on a chair. She jerked upright, glaring at her friend.

“What? Give me a break!”

“You can’t be that tired,” protested Genma.

“Eh! I chased the kids all morning in the forest, then in the afternoon we did taijutsu training. Ok, that doesn’t sound so bad. But I had to use two Kage Bunshin! One to tutor Ino-chan –dude, she has no muscles, she need remedial athletic training–, one to teach proper katas to Naruto-kun, and myself was sparring with Shino-kun who was sucking my chakra at the same time! Well, my poisons make me mostly immune to kikaishū, but it was still annoying. And when I came back here Gai challenged me to a spar!”

“Wait, you accepted?” said Raidō, bewildered.

“Well, no. Not at first. But he insisted. Just five minutes, he said. He promised me dango. So, uh, yeah? So I’m dead tired. Who wouldn’t, after using Kage Bunshin and sparing with that nutcase afterward? Anyway, I need to sleep. We have a rematch tomorrow and this time, it’ll be ninjutsu allowed. I’m gonna barbeque his ass.”

“Your friendship with Gai will never cease to baffle me” muttered Kurenai, shaking her head. “Anyway, what about your Genins? Did they pass?”

“Ah, my minions! The loudmouthed blonde, the prettier blonde, and the quiet-and-cool one? They pass. They’re best friends now. I love them. Tomorrow I think I’ll throw them in a river or something, you know? It’s the perfect weather to learn how to walk on water.”

Iruka stared, jaw-slacked. Genma patted his shoulder: “You’ll get used to her. Just… Mark down that her students passed.”

Iruka marked it down. On one hand he was glad that Naruto passed. One the other… He wasn’t sure to approve his choice of sensei.

But hey, it was temporary, right?

… Somehow, he had a bad feeling about that.