Archive of Our Own

'I just, I… I… I don’t like girls.'

Will’s confession is still ringing in Mike’s ears. It is hard to process; it is hard to understand; it is something Mike can’t wrap his head around, no matter how hard he tries. In that moment, he had seen the pain in Will’s eyes, heard it in his strained voice, felt the fear radiating off him, but still, Mike thinks, the words seemed to have come out with ease as soon as Will had started talking.  It was like a waterfall of emotions, flowing out through his trembling lips and washing over all of them.

Mike had felt it in his bones, in his chest, everywhere inside his body. It had made his heart hurt, something deep inside of him aching for that hug, that tight, tight hug Joyce had given Will, the way Jonathan had allowed Will to cling to him, signaling that he would never leave his side. No matter what.

Mike had been frozen, glued to his seat, only able to react after Lucas’ and Dustin’s voices had shaken him out of his thoughts. This was not about him, this was about Will, his best friend. And Will had needed him in that moment, had needed all of them.

But he just can’t help it, even now, as they are stuck inside the van and driving straight into what very much could be their deaths, Mike has to think it over once more. Feelings, buried deep inside, resurfacing. He feels nauseous, his world crumbling slowly, facade falling apart. Because with what Will had just admitted, he had opened a wound inside Mike that he had so desperately been trying to close.

Of course, Mike had always been aware of what people had said about Will, the rumors that had haunted him through his entire childhood. Will had suffered too much, maybe the most out of the party, and even when Will had gone missing, Mike had defended him, Mike had shoved that mouthbreather of a guy to the ground, not allowing him to speak ill of Will, ever.

But through all of this, Mike had never dared to wish that it was true.

Mike had never allowed himself to even consider, to even let these thoughts get to him, infiltrate his mind, his heart, with a hope so dangerous that he had known would result in utter disappointment and pain. 

But now, Will’s confession had been spoken, released into the air and as light as Will might feel now, it is like the weight has shifted over to Mike, a heavy cloud hanging over his head, forced to be confronted with his own, most inner feelings. Will had said there is someone he had a crush on, but they were not 'like him'. Mike wants to cry so desperately and it takes all his strength to keep it together, to keep himself from falling apart

‘I’m right here!’, he wants to yell, ‘I’m right here, Will, and I am like you!’

The sheer thought of admitting it lets cold panic spread down his neck, and he is aching at the thought of Will liking someone else. A boy, yes, but not him, not Mike. So close, yet so far, and it almost feels worse than what he had assumed all along.

He feels guilty for thinking this way, but if Will would’ve just liked girls, he would’ve felt so far out of reach, just as he had for the past ten-or-so years. It is worse now, that Will… Will theoretically could like him, but he just doesn’t. At least not like that. Not like Mike likes Will. The realization hits him hard, skin too tight for his body, hands prickling with want for something he can never have. He likes someone who is not even like them, not the way Will and Mike are. He feels sick to his stomach. 

He forces himself back into the present and notices El, next to him, thoughts seeming to slip somewhere far away. This is not going to be easy for her and he knows it; he knows he should be there for her more and he feels the guilt gnaw at his insides. After being so good at repressing these thoughts, avoiding confrontation, he is faced with Will's confession and it forces him to fight that terrible battle inside of his heart once more.

“You ready?”, Mike asks and puts his hand on her arm, making sure she also comes back to where they are, to the truck, possibly minutes away from life and death. No one knows how long it is going to take for the dimensions to be close enough together so that they can poke their tower into the Abyss. El nods, placing her hand over his, “Ready.”

Mike is so aware of the touch but it’s different this time. For a few months now, every time they touched it was too close, felt too wrong, and Mike had to fight the urge to run miles away from wherever they were standing. He cares about El so much, but the longer he’s with her, the harder it gets to pretend that there is not something deep inside of him, struggling to get out. It would ruin them, he knows it, so he just kept pushing it down, down, further down.

But this time, her touch is gentle, yet firm and her eyes are filled with determination, with care too, but it feels different. Even if he had just instinctively taken a step back, he doesn’t feel the need to break their eye-contact. El does, though, and Mike wishes she would look at him again so he can ask her. Just in his head, but he needs to ask her if she feels it, if she feels that he, Mike, is different from all of them, too.

They come to an abrupt halt, Murray yelling “Sorry guys! Santa’s still a bit rusty!”, from the driver’s seat.

“We’ll have to keep watch.”, Hopper announces, loading his gun once more, “The military knows we’re here and I’m sure they’re not just gonna leave us be.”

“You’re right.”, Nancy nods, “They’ll be after us in no time. Let’s go station ourselves outside.” Hopper opens the doors for her and hop out of the van, followed by Steve and Dustin, and Mike can’t get over the fact how cool his sister has gotten.

“I’m going with them, I can’t just sit around here and do nothing.”, Jonathan mumbles, following them outside, Robin and Lucas right behind them.

Will slowly slides down the wall of the truck, sitting down with his legs stretched out. It seems as if he wants to say something, but Hopper’s face appears right back in the open doors, “You, come with me. I don’t trust you around her.”, he says, pointedly looking at Kali. “That’s not fair; if I can trust her so can you!”, El protests, but resignedly takes Kali’s hand and steps outside with her. “At least, I’m coming with.”

The noises of Hopper complaining that it is too dangerous to be out here for El when she is literally the military’s main target are muffled through the metal walls, and suddenly Mike realizes he is alone with Will, Joyce having gone to the front to help out Murray.

Mike swallows, suddenly feeling like the back of the truck is too narrow, the ceiling too low, the air too thick and Will too close even though he’s leaned against the opposite wall. He tries his best not to look at him.

“Mike?”, Will asks and Mike immediately abandons his plan, eyes locking as if he simply can’t help but respond to this familiar voice.

“Yeah?”

“I’m… Thank you, for earlier. It was so sweet of you guys and I’m frustrated with myself that I allowed Vecna to make me doubt you. I knew you would all accept me.” A small smile is playing on his lips, unsure but there, nonetheless.

“Of course, Will.”, Mike presses, eyes not leaving Will’s as he’s sitting down, too, “I’ll always accept you for who you are, no matter what. And so do the others. It’s messed up for him to make you feel like you’re not safe here.” He needs him to know, needs him to realize just how much it actually doesn’t matter. To him, to Mike, it does, but he will not ever admit the reason to Will. Not in this lifetime.

“Thanks…”, Will carefully rests the soles of his shoes against Mike’s in the middle of the truck, “It’s just… You know, I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable with any of this. Especially you.”

“Especially me?”, Mike asks, genuinely confused, “Why me?”

Will furrows his brows momentarily and there is something passing over his gaze that Mike doesn’t have time to decipher before it’s gone again. “Well, you know. I said I have this crush…” His voice is careful, and it makes Mike feel like Will thinks of him as an angry stray cat that could lash out any second.

“Yeah, you said so.”, Mike whispers, trying his hardest to push the pain down, shove it back to where it came from so that Will never finds out. He can’t bear the thought, and he is already nauseous enough thinking of this person that rejected Will, it would be mental suicide to let his own feelings get in the way of Will’s journey right now. “I’m sorry they’re not like…”, ‘Like us, like us, like us’, his mind screams at him, “Like you.” His voice comes out in a pathetic croak, and he has to look away.

Will hesitates. “You’re sorry?”

Oh, what would Mike give to have this conversation end. But Will needs his best friend right now and that’s what he’s supposed to be for him. Because Will would never see anything more in him. How could he possibly?

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I mean, you’re a real catch, objectively. I’m not sure how they even managed to not be completely head-over-heels for you.”

It’s so frustrating, so soul-crushing that Will doesn’t realize how much love he deserves. And it’s so hard for Mike to keep his mouth shut, to not elaborate. He consoles himself that this is just pep talk, this is something any friend would say. He's doing a good job at this whole just-friends thing.

Will gently presses his shoes against Mike’s causing him to look up. “Mike, do you not know who I’m talking about?” His voice is quiet and Mike wants to respond because, how is he supposed to know who Will is talking about, but there is an earthquake-like sensation shaking through the van.

“It’s starting, he’s merging them!”, Hopper yells from outside somewhere.

Almost instantly Mike hears heavy breathing, eyes flying up to see Will, terrified, touching the back of his neck. “Mike.”

“What is it? Can you feel him?!”, Mike urges, scrambling up to cross over to Will’s side of the truck, “Will, talk to me. Is he close?”

A clock chimes somewhere, but Mike is focused on Will only. “Tell me what’s going on, tell me!”

Will’s eyes fly up to meet his, fear replaced by a harshness Mike has never seen on him. “Mike, don't you dare to get any closer to me. Did you really think I would like you back? You of all people?”

“What...?” His mouth has gone dry and he can’t bring himself to say anything else.

“I mean, it’s embarrassing, to be honest. For ages you’ve had a thing for me and I’ve given you time to get over it and leave me alone, but you just won’t give up, will you? Do I really have to tell you face-to-face how much you disgust me for you to get it? How horrible of a person you are? I never wanted you and I never will, no matter what you come up with in your sick mind.”

“Will, what are you saying? I- I mean, I know! I know you don’t like me, but what are you-“, Mike shivers, tears stinging in his eyes. He feels pathetic and he’s not sure how Will found out. Everything Mike had said before hadn’t even scratched the surface of what he feels for Will. How does he know?

Will rolls his eyes, getting up. “No, I don’t think you know, Mike. I would never, in a million years, touch you. I’m so appalled by you, by the fact that somehow, somewhere inside of you, you truly believe we should be together. It’s ridiculous, it’s disgusting.”

“Will-“, Mike croaks, standing and placing a hand on his shoulder, only to be shoved against the wall, hard. A clock chimes somewhere, again. Mike has heard it before, maybe a few days ago but he truly can’t remember. “Will, you don’t mean that. Come on, I’m sorry.”

“You should be sorry, Mike. You have so much to be sorry for, but no matter how many times you apologize you can't stop having these sickening thoughts about me, can you? It's repulsive. You don’t deserve to live, not with these feelings you’re having. You were supposed to be my friend. Not some creep, ruining my life.”

Mike watches in horror as Will’s face transforms into something else, eyes dark, thick, slimy vines popping out from his neck. “Help! Help!”, Mike yells, rattling at the closed truck door as the realization hits him, banging his whole body against it when it doesn’t budge, “Will! El! Anyone, please help!!”

It’s no use and he backs up against the metal behind him, watching what once was Will and now clearly is Vecna’s horrifying frame strut toward him.

“Still calling out for them, are you? Mike, I’ve had my eyes on you for a while.”, he hums, voice so low and sharp it makes Mike shiver, “How come you’re the one person that they both cherish so much? What is it about you? Don't they realize how despicable you are?”

“Get away from me and don’t you dare touch either of them! I’ll kill you with my bare hands if I have to.”, Mike hisses, racking his brain for any plan on how to escape. From what he knows it could only be a song, but the sound of the truck radio would come from too far away. One of them needs to save him. Vecna is towering over him now, hand reaching out to touch his cheek and Mike audibly gasps. He is more terrified than he has ever been in his entire life.

“They’re not going to come and safe you, Mike. They’re busy with their little plan trying to prevent me from finally merging our worlds the way I should have done a long time ago.” There is a gruesome snarl to his voice and Mike finds himself praying to a God he doesn’t believe in.

“You’ve fooled them, haven’t you? Both of them? But you cannot fool me, I know your shameful secret Mike. And they would resent you for it, if they knew. They would never speak to you ever again if they found out what you’ve been hiding. And don’t let me start on your parents, with everything that’s on the news right now… They would abandon you, Mike. They would leave you to die on the street, just like you deserve. And deep down you know you deserve this. Deep down you know that you're wrong, rotten from the inside from falling for your best friend. This is not friendship, this is betrayal.”

Mike’s face his hot with tears and he feels himself losing the ground under his feet. “I- I know, I’ll never confess it. I'll never let them know. But they need me, they all do, I am the heart. I love them. I love Will.”, Mike gasps, the truth slipping out of him in the face of death. It is so true, so honest, and he wants to cry his soul out about things he can never admit.

“Pathetic.”, Vecna snarls, snapping Mike’s head back and suddenly it’s like he can’t move a single limb anymore. ‘I’m going to die.’, he thinks, ‘I’m going to die and I can’t help them.’

‘They don’t need your help, Mike, they never needed you. They’ll be better off if I take you, if you’re dead. If I end your suffering. They don't know how sick you are, yet, but I will show them. I will show them and they will loathe you for it, for what you truly are.”

Mike is so incredibly scared, and he feels himself remembering, remembering Will and how he should’ve just not let him ride home on his bike that dark November night all those years ago. He should’ve kept him close, never let him go, protected him. It was his job to protect him and he has failed back then and he he is failing now.

The pain is so unbearable, air gets stuck in his throat, and he feels like he is choking. 'I don't want to die', he thinks. He thinks about Will, Will, Will and slowly, the truck vanishes, the space around them spinning for a moment and Vecna is gone, as if he had never been there in the first place. But Mike cannot move, still, and he is shaking from fear.

As the room around him takes shape, he realizes that it is his old basement. He sees himself, small and so, so young, sitting at the big wooden table. Sheets of paper and pencils are sprawled across the hard surface, and Mike immediately knows what moment this is. But why is he here? Why is he thinking about this now? Has he already died and this is what he recalls in his last minute of consciousness?

He gasps when El appears, coming out of the darkness. ‘I’m here!’, he wants to scream but no words come out, it is like he is stuck behind a wall that only he can see through. She slowly walks towards Mike's younger self, picking up the paper and examines it.

A hot wave of embarrassment hits him because he remembers, he remembers exactly what is written on this stupid sheet of paper. And he knows, he knows he cannot hide from it any longer but he wants to tell her, doesn't want her to find out this way, not like this.

'Dear Will,

I hope you’re alright. You haven’t been in school today and I thought maybe you’re just sick, but I called and your mom says you’re not there. I hope you’re just skipping school. Maybe you’re at Castle Byers, having the best day of your life. But it was raining so I’m a little worried, Will. I think, you should have just stayed with me. It was late and I should not have let you go home in the dark. I know you’re strong and all but I’m the Paladin, remember? I’m supposed to keep us all together. Anyway, I hope you can have a good laugh about this when I give you the letter tomorrow at school and you just had a fun day off. I really hope you do come back tomorrow. It’s not the same without you and we miss you. I miss you. Okay, that’s all, Will. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I hope we can play D&D again, soon.                                                            

Love, Mike.'

El’s eyes dart over the paper and Mike knows, Mike knows what they’re resting on after she finishes reading. She looks up, sensing where Mike, the real Mike, is now, and there is so much to be read in her expression, pity, understanding, sadness, resignation. But there is also care.

“Found you.”, she says, forcing herself to smile and as soon as she steps toward him Mike can feel the blood rushing back into his limbs, feet hitting the floor. “El, I-“, he starts but she shakes her head. “Let’s get you out of here first.”

Mike pants, eyes wide as he finds himself on the hard truck floor, gasping for air. “Mike, oh my God, Mike.”, he hears Will’s voice next to him, Lucas on his other side, shaking his shoulder a little, “You’re back! Shit, Mike-”

“I was so fucking scared, you have no idea.”, Will whispers, halfway collapsing onto his chest and Mike’s arm wraps around him as if it is second nature. His eyes meet El’s, who is standing above them and she gives him a hesitant nod. Mike closes his own eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek because he cannot ever be thankful enough to have El in his life. Even now, she is not upset with him, it almost feels like it confirms something for her, something she has been considering all along. It is like a relief, a clarity she is embracing.

“He got you; he almost got you. You were floating.”, Will whispers and Mike is suddenly aware of how his shirt is slowly getting wet.

“Are you crying?”, Mike swallows.

“What else would I be doing, you dumbass. You said I’m not going to lose you. You said it today! How could you-”

Mike leans back a little to look at Will, really look at him, and to be honest he is so sick, so sick of how much pain Will is constantly in, how much it all makes him cry. He swears to himself, he will never again be the reason Will sheds any tears. He will protect him the way he always should have.

Will waves El down to them and she kneels, Mike sitting up and embracing her in a tight hug. “'Love, Mike.'”, her voice is so low that only Mike catches it, “Not ‘From Mike’. See? You can say it.”

“El, I’m so sorry. I… I love you, you know that, right?” She nods into his shoulder, “I know. But not like this, Mike, it took you less than a day to write it. You've never written it to me. It’s... It's okay, I... I figured, already. I have known for a while and I'm glad I know, at last.”

They part and Mike is terrified and relieved at the same time, at least there is one person, one person that is so dear to him, who knows how he really feels. One person who knows the deepest desire of his heart which has been nesting inside of him for as long as he can remember. For as long as he has known Will Byers.

“El! Come on, we need you here!”, Hopper yells from the outside and it makes the three of them realize the severity of the situation. Vecna went for Mike in order to distract both El and Will, in order to merge the Abyss with their world.

El sprints out of the truck, Will and Mike follow right after. They will defeat him. They will do it together and Mike is insanely proud of both El and Will, the most amazing people he somehow gets the chance to be close with. But he would be lying if he said Vecna’s words weren’t still whizzing around in his mind. ‘They would resent you for it.’ El knows, she knows now and it doesn’t seem like she hates his guts but what about Will? Once again, Mike thinks, he will never ever tell him. He is so ashamed, feels so guilty for these twisted thoughts he has been having about his best friend when he knows better than this. He just can't help it.

---

They did it. It’s over. Mike still cannot believe what just happened as everyone is recovering in the SQUAWK station. The knowledge that Vecna is gone, completely, never to return and all gates are closed - it almost leaves an emptiness in Mike, a need to deal with the real world and not fight off another Demogorgon instead of having the conversations he should have had a long time ago. No matter how difficult.

As if on cue, El grabs his hand loosely and pulls him up from the couch. “Can we talk?” He nods, “Sure, El.”, and follows her into the empty recording room.

“We should have talked about this forever ago, but it was all so exhausting… And as much as I care about you, Mike, I needed to defeat Henry first; clear my head.”, El starts. “What a nice way to clear your head; others might take a walk, you defeat, like, the most evil dark wizard ever.”, Mike flashes a grin and it gets returned with an eyeroll.

“Anyway, Mike, before you say anything. I want you to know I’m not mad at you. I get it. I knew.”

“You do?”, his voice is guilty nonetheless, “I shouldn’t have done this to you. I really, really like you and I thought with time I would just get over it.... over him, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”

“I know, I know. I… had a feeling, back in Lenora when you came to visit me. We fought so much and I just… I realized you were more bothered by Will being upset with you, than with me. So, I actually thought you were going to break up with me then.”, El says and she sounds as much sad as she sounds like she has already thought this through over and over, accepted it a long time ago.

“I… to be completely honest, I considered it. I knew I was hurting you, but I didn’t want to face my flaws. And then you commissioned this painting for me and I thought maybe, maybe we can make it after all. Because I do care about you like that.”, Mike admits but it seems to throw El off.

“Painting? What painting?”

Mike furrows his brows, “Well, the one you told Will to paint for me? Me leading the party, being the heart?”

They stare at each other as realization washes over the both of them. “I did not tell him that, Mike. He sometimes asked for my opinion, but not with the painting you’re describing. I never commissioned it.”

“Wha-“, Mike’s throat is dry, “But then… Wait, what? He… Will lied to me? Why would he do that?” It hurts him more than he had expected and his chest feels tight, as if there is no air left inside.

“I have a feeling.”, El replies slowly, squeezing Mike’s hand, “But I think you should ask him about it.”

“I don’t… I’m not sure, El, I’m kind of upset about it. I thought it came from you and, of course, it would mean so much to me if he made it all by himself, but I just don’t get why he would, like, lie… I’m scared I’ll get angry at him.”, Mike sighs. Will and El have been through so much today and it must have been insanely exhausting. He doesn’t want to make it worse for anyone, especially not for Will.

“Mike. You never get angry with him.”, she smiles knowingly, “And if you do, you apologize almost right away. You were never like that with me, or with Lucas, or with Dustin. You won’t get angry at him this time, either.”

Maybe she is right, Mike thinks. And he’s so disappointed, he really wants Will to tell him the truth. “I’ll.... fine, I’ll talk to him. But…”, he glances up at El, “Are you sure we’re good? I don’t want you to be sad or anything, but I just feel like you’re…”

“Content?”, El offers, “Again, Mike, I thought this moment would come sooner or later. I know you, you cannot fool me and I’ve accepted it a while ago. You were my first friend, and I think... I think we can be friends again, if you treat me like a friend, again. We might work better this way.”

Mike is overcome with a swirl of affection for her, embracing her tightly. “I’m so grateful to have you. And I’m so proud of you, you have no idea.” She smiles up at him and lets him go. “Go, get him.”

Mike rolls his eyes and laughs, because, again, no way in hell is he going to confess. He is simply going to ask Will about the painting, that’s it. Maybe let him tell him a little more about what Will saw as he and El entered Vecna’s fucked-up mind.

He finds him in the bedroom where he had been asleep after trying to buy Max and Holly some time. It feels like forever ago already. Mike gently knocks on the already open door, “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”, Will smiles, sitting up from where he was lying down, “Crazy to believe it’s over, right? I mean over, over. Done. Never to happen again.”

Mike nods “It is crazy.”, sitting down next to him. “You think you’ll miss your powers at all?”

Will shrugs, smiling sheepishly, “I mean, they made me feel really badass. Like, I could achieve anything. Get anything I want. But I’m glad to be rid of the goosebumps and… to be honest, I would love to just worry about school and college applications and just… normal things for guys our age.”

“No more evil monsters. Though I think we might be wishing for them to return when we have to write those first college entrance essays.”, Mike grins, earning a laugh from Will. It warms his soul but he doesn’t let himself think about it. He knows what he came here to ask and nervously drums his fingers against his own thighs.

“So, actually, I wanted to ask you something.”, Mike starts, half-hoping that Will is just not going to let him ask. But instead, he responds, “What’s up?”

“I, uh, … Remember that painting you made for me? Back in Lenora? You know, the one El commissioned?” His eyes search Will’s, trying to give him a chance to be honest first.

Will’s cheeks turn pink and he looks away, “OH! That! Yeah, of course. What about it? That was, like, ages ago. Why would you bring it up now?”

“I talked to El earlier. She... She didn’t commission it, did she? Why would you lie to me, Will?”, Mike asks, trying his hardest not to let the hurt be apparent in his voice but it seeps through anyway. “I… You knew, El and I were struggling. The painting made me think she still had strong feelings for me. I mean, she did love me but, I think it played a huge part in how I decided to go about things.”

“What do you mean by that?”, Will says quietly, “What do you mean ‘did love’? And how would you have acted if… If I had told you the truth?”

“Will, I asked first. Don’t deflect. Why did you lie to me?”, Mike presses and he is sure the pain is now visible all over his face, but he can’t hold it back. Not anymore. “I… I would have loved to get a painting from you. And I know I was being a total dickhead when I came to visit but still, I don’t think I deserved to get lied to.”

“Mike.”, Will whispers, “Mike, I can’t tell you why. I mean, I thought you knew after today, but… I think you don’t. And now I’m scared all over again.”

“You’ve been to the Upside Down, Will, why would you be scared of telling me about this painting?”, Mike smiles slightly, trying to lift the mood a little and distract himself from his aching heart, “I mean, you’re the sorcerer. You’ve seen much more terrible things. And it’s just me, Will. It’s just me.”

“That’s kind of the problem.” Will doesn’t meet his eyes, but Mike can sense that this is not the time for him to press further, Will just needs to sort out his thoughts. Eventually, he starts to speak again.

“I… I lied because I thought it would make it too obvious, Mike, too obvious how much I like you. Back then, it was even harder for me to admit it because I didn’t have my friends around me, I only had my constantly stoned brother and El who was always there for me but at the end of the day she’s your girlfriend. I couldn’t possibly have talked to her about it. And when I gave you the painting and you rolled it open, I saw it through your eyes and I was scared you might notice, I was scared that this was even more of a confession than handing you a sheet of paper that says ‘I like you.’ So, I lied and told you El commissioned it. I was so scared, Mike.”

Will’s eyes finally meet Mike's again, and he continues, words just flowing straight out of him, no filter. “And earlier, when I told you guys about… about it all, I looked at you, Mike. I needed you to know and I thought you did but turns out you didn’t get it. And it’s so hard to say it directly, Mike, it’s so hard. I said that I don’t like girls, I couldn’t even say that I’m-… I can’t even say it now.” There are tears slowly starting to coat the hazel of his eyes and Mike wants to hold him close, but he can’t.

“I’m okay with myself… being this way but it’s still all so scary, even if it’s out in the open now. I never even let myself imagine that I’d reach this point and for all of you to have been so accepting, I… I couldn’t be more grateful. But I’m so frustrated because you’re really making me say it and it’s so hard. I looked at you. I looked at you when I said I had a crush on someone, how can you not get it?”, Will’s voice gets more urgent by the second and all Mike sees is Will back then, in the rain, when they were kids, needing Mike to say something, anything, and Will yelling at him in Lenora, at the skating rink, forcing Mike to face him instead of walking away again.

Even though Mike hears what Will is saying, he doesn't quite understand. He couldn’t possibly. Of course, he had noticed that Will had looked at him, how could he have not? But it doesn’t make sense, none of this does.

“But you were clearly not talking about me. It doesn’t make sense, you… You said they’re not like you, Will. You said you know they’re not like you. This can’t be about me because I’m-… Because-“

Mike’s voice is stuck in his throat, and it won’t get out. He can’t get himself to say it, can’t get himself to admit what has been weighing down on his chest for years. He wants to get it out so badly, wants to let Will know, but he can’t. It’s like he’s frozen in place and somehow it feels more impossible to speak than it had when he had heard that damn clock sound.

Will’s eyes are wide and they dart from left to right, searching Mike’s face. “Because what, Mike?”, he whispers.

“I’m-“, Mike struggles, fighting something deep inside, resisting the urge to run away, run away from his feelings like he always does. But it is not fair, it is not fair to Will, who is being so honest with him, Will, who has managed to not be scared anymore. Unlike him.

Mike feels a thick tear roll down his cheek as he speaks, “Because I am like you, Will. You couldn’t have been talking about me because I am like you, not ‘in almost every way’, I am like you all the way. In every way.”

He hears himself sob uncontrollably and has to turn away from Will, it’s too much, too embarrassing, too painful. He knows Will will accept him no matter what, he knows this, but it is scary, so scary to tell someone what he had never dared to voice out loud. It’s painful, truly, because he knows he can never take it back. It’s just there, it’s there and it has been said and he can no longer run from it. Mike hugs his knees, hiding his face in them.

“Mike, are you joking? Mike, what?”, Will rambles, placing a hand on Mike’s shoulder, “Look at me, please. What are you saying?”

Mike shakes his head firmly, not looking up. “Why would I fucking joke about this? Why on earth would I joke about this?” The words come out between silent sobs and hiccups and he just feels so, so pathetic.

Will’s hand on his shoulder is tightening the grip. “Mike. Hey, Mike, it’s okay, it really is. Since… Since when have you known? I didn’t think… I didn’t ever imagine-“, he says softly and Mike is so grateful for Will to be here with him, to be the first person he says it to. Of course, El knows, too, but Mike didn’t have to say it. She saw it in the letter. That stupid letter. It takes Mike a minute to open up.

“It’s… I always felt like there was something, but it wasn’t until… Until the night you got taken, Will. I wrote you a letter, then, did you know that? I wrote you a letter saying how much I want you to come back to me. And I signed it ‘Love, Mike’, can you believe that?”, he lets out a sour laugh.

“It was so easy for me as a little child, and I couldn’t even write it to El once in that year you guys were gone. But, that night… That night I realized what this feeling was and it was so scary and so big and so consuming. I tried to hide it but the longer you were gone the more it was gnawing at my insides. The confirmation that I was feeling something I shouldn’t be, something so wrong. I tried to give up on it, you know? I tried to not let it get to me and I convinced myself I could be with a girl, with El. She is so great, she really is."

"And then you were with me again but I just… I couldn’t face it, because, because every time I looked at you, I was overcome with this… This wave of affection, this fear of losing you. I pushed you away and I know that and I’m so, so sorry I had to shut you out to not go insane. God, I was such a dick to you. And when you were in Lenora, I wanted to write to you, I wanted to hear your voice, but it was so hard, so hard because every word I wrote reeked of my feelings for you. I did write you letters, you know? A fucking stack of them, actually. But I could never get myself to send them. I was so scared you would look at them and realize what these words mean, no matter how casual I tried to sound; I thought my feelings would be hidden somewhere in the ink, revealing themselves right in front of your eyes. I couldn’t do it.”

He was full-on crying now, heavy sobs shaking his entire frame, jeans coated in wet stains from where his eyes are pressing into them.

“Mike-“, Will sniffs and it is the sound that makes Mike turn around. He can’t believe Will is crying; what did he say to upset him? He had done his best to be honest with him but maybe, maybe it had been too much. Maybe Mike should’ve just shut up after apologizing and leave it at that.

“Will, I’m sorry. You don’t have to say anything.”, Mike swallows, “I know, the world almost ended today and you have better things to do than deal with my shit, I shouldn’t have said anything at all and-“

The air leaves his chest as Will hugs him tight, so tight he has never been held by anyone and it somehow makes him cry more. “Will?”

“Shut up, Mike. Really, shut up for once.”, Will breathes, holding Mike in his arms as if he was going to slip away if he let go for even a split second. His scent is so familiar and Mike is helpless, he’s so drained from his tears, no strength left in him to resist leaning into Will’s warm body. He closes his eyes; face pressed into Will’s orange hoodie. “I’m getting your clothes wet, I’m sorry-“

“Mike.”, Will warns and shuts him up immediately, and Mike feels him press his face into his own wavy hair. He must be looking so messy and pathetic right now, Mike thinks, but it is weirdly comforting to have Will hold him even in such an ugly moment. His insides feel raw and he decides maybe, maybe it is okay for him to just stay here, right in Will’s arms, for a little longer. There is no Demogorgon, no Upside Down, no strange dipshit trying to merge their worlds together. Mike can just stay here and let Will hold him.

“You’re so incredibly stupid sometimes, you know that? You’re so, so stupid.”, Will tells him, reinforcing his grip around him as if he had already guessed Mike would try to escape, “And I’m not saying this because you’re.... like that. I’m saying it because you’re so blind to everything that’s happening around you.”

Mike gives up trying to break free and presses his face into the fabric of Will’s hoodie, mumbling, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Mike, do you love me?”

Panic rises up inside of his chest and Mike knows it’s evident, knows there is no way that his words could have hidden it but it’s just so, so scary. Will’s scent is the only thing keeping him from freaking out and completely losing his marbles.

“Come on, I need you to make it clear before I can say what I want to say, what I’ve been wanting to say.”, Will speaks softly into Mike’s hair.

Mike swallows down the insane amount of guilt and fear creeping up his throat. “I made it clear.”

“Mike.”

“You know that I made it clear-“

“Mike.”

He sighs, apparently abandoning his sanity altogether. “Yeah, I do. I love you, Will.”, he whispers.

There is a moment of silence, and it is not as scary as Mike had imagined it. If anything, it feels safe. Will’s arms are still wrapped around him and he feels Will’s heartbeat pound through his ribcage, through the hoodie and against Mike’s cheek. It sounds so perfect to him.

“And El?”

“She knows… She has known for a while. I love her, I truly do, but it is different. She is not… She is not you, you know? No matter how much I tried to convince myself that she didn’t have to be. In the end, it has always been obvious. There is no one that could… there is no one but you, Will.”, Mike admits and he is not embarrassed anymore, he is relieved. He is relieved to get it out of him, to feel as light and weightless as he hasn’t in forever. Mike tries to ignore that only this morning such a confession would have sent him straight into cardiac arrest. It is different now; it is different because in every scenario he had imagined Will would have left the room by now. But, somehow, he is still here and it does not feel like he’s planning to leave any time soon. Will is right here with him.

“Mike, shit, I-… I’ve never heard you say… I can’t believe you haven’t fled the scene yet.”, Will mumbles and Mike lets out a small laugh, “Trust me, I can’t either. But it feels good, you know? I never thought it could feel that way. Even though you don’t like me, there was no reason for me to be scared in the first place. You’re still here, of course you are. Because you’re you and you're my best friend.” He is overcome with a consuming sense of affection for Will because he simply is just that great of a guy.

He feels Will go rigid, blinking a few times, eyelashes moving against Mike’s curls. “What did you just say?”

“What?”, Mike huffs, nuzzling his face into more orange because he has never felt more comfortable, despite what has just been said. Maybe he will get embarrassed about it later but for now it feels exactly right and he couldn’t even resist if he wanted to.

“You do realize I’ve been in love with you since, like, forever, right?”, Will whispers, “Mike, you genuinely can’t be this dense-“

Mike shoots up, body jerking away from Will’s for the first time in what feels like a like an eternity, “What are you saying? No, no, you said you like someone that’s-“

“Mike, I know what I said.”, Will laughs before his voice turns soft and earnest again, “I thought you weren’t like me, because, like, how could I have known? You never told me and you and El were just… I thought you were simply a horrible boyfriend to her for no reason, and I never let myself consider that you… I didn’t know, Mike. That’s why I said that."

"I was so convinced I never stood a chance with you even though sometimes I let myself hope… there were moments, times you looked at me, touched me briefly when there was no need, let me be close to you… I felt so hopeful, like you might actually feel the same. But I thought it was too good to be true, and I would have rather permanently moved to the Upside Down than admitted any of this to you and find out, but… But, now that I’ve finally accept me, every part of me, I felt strong enough to tell you. You had to know. And I did, earlier, but you… I’m sorry, maybe I should have told you in private, just us two, as I’m doing now. Maybe you would’ve understood… There was never anyone else, Mike. There couldn’t have been. You were my first friend, but when we met Lucas and Dustin, I realized… I realized that they were my friends and you were… You always meant so much more to me. Mike, genuinely, who else did you think I was talking about?"

"Every time I was angry at you it was because I felt you were slipping away from me. Every time I asked you to play D&D – it was never about the game, Mike. I hated that you were closing off, I felt so lonely even though you were right there. My heart has been begging me, begging me to tell you for years but I couldn’t do that to neither you nor El. I thought, maybe, it would be enough to have you back as my best friend, I really tried my hardest to accept it. But you’re so… You’re so beautiful, Mike, inside and out and it’s genuinely so messed up. No matter how mean you were to me, no matter how many times you shut me out, it never made me feel any different, if anything, it made me want you more. It made me miss you so badly it hurt. It’s always been you, Mike, it has always been you. And I could never move on from that, not when we were twelve, not when we spent a year apart and most definitely not now.” Will pants, everything laid out between them so raw and so honest, the room feels like it’s about to starts spinning and go up in flames any minute.

“I’m… You really think I’m beautiful?”, Mike whispers, eyes searching Will’s face for any indication of irony or humor, but he just finds sincerity.

“Yes, Mike. All of you. Except, maybe, when you were wearing that horrific Hawaiian shirt at the airport-“

Mike shoves Will playfully, laughing, “Shut the fuck up-“ and Will bounces back, grinning at him widely. “I love you, Mike.”

“I’ve gotta be honest, I’m not processing any of this.”, Mike mumbles quietly, gaze turning unsure again.

“I’ll help you process because I can’t have you leave this room and still be confused about all of this, about us, for whatever reason.”, Will smiles, scooting closer to him and taking Mike’s hand into his own.

Mike watches as their fingers slowly intertwine and he feels like his heart is about to jump out of his fucking ribcage. “You… You’re not just doing this to make me feel better, right?”, he asks anyway, treasuring the warmth of Will’s hand spreading over to his own.

“What the fuck, Mike?”, Will sighs, “Okay, see, would I do this if I wasn’t genuinely head-over-heels for you?” Before Mike can ask what he means by that, he already feels Will’s lips press against his, gentle yet firm, and they’re gone again before Mike gets the chance to kiss Will back properly. What the actual hell?

“Did you just kiss me?”, Mike deadpans, blinking, processing.

“Sure did.”, Will admits, suddenly a little shy, “Is that okay? Do you need me to explain what that means, too?”

“If you don’t stop talking and kiss me again, I will genuinely flip.”, Mike mutters under his breath and Will’s giggle is silenced by Mike bringing their mouths together again.

It’s no longer soft and careful, it’s desperate and messy, teeth clashing, lips growing swollen, but Mike couldn’t care less. He feels like he’s not part of his own body anymore while simultaneously feeling Will’s warm lips against his own which such an intensity, he thinks he might start levitating. Their intertwined hands squeeze each other so urgently it almost hurts and Mike fists his other one into Will’s hoodie because he just needs him to be closer, so much closer, and he keeps asking himself how he was ever able to stay away, deny himself this with Will.

“This has been so long overdue.”, Will breathes against his lips, hand all the way buried in Mike’s dark, messy hair. It’s so uncontrolled, so chaotic, but it feels like Mike is doing the right thing for the first time in his entire life. Every choice he has ever made doesn't matter because here he is, kissing, holy hell, kissing Will Byers. 

They break apart, panting, eyes focused on one another. “You love me?”, Mike gasps, chest heaving from what they have just done. “I love you.”, Will affirms, beaming, “And you love me, too.” Mike nods vigorously, eyes focused on the swollen redness of Will’s lips before they collide with him once more.

Suddenly, all these years of being afraid, all these years of thinking he would lose Will seem like a silly dream, a stupid hardship that Mike had created all by himself. How could he have ever thought Will, his gentle, caring Will, would abandon him for being honest? Because, truly, no other outcome had ever been possible. It always had to end this way, with Will. It could have never been anyone else, not in a million years, not if Mike tried to date girl after girl, maybe even guy after guy had he accepted himself. No one would ever be able to make him feel the way Will did, no one would ever reach that spot.

And it is time, it is time for Mike to stop being so miserable, to stop being so scared, to stop pushing people away, because now, now he has his love right there with him and whatever happens, Will is going to be there. The last days feel like a blur of confusion and fear, and it ends right here, right now, with them. It all ends with Mike and Will, because, truly, it could have never ended any differently. It will always be them against whatever the world continues to throw at them. It is them until the end.