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I stood barefoot, my shirt soaked as my little brothers tears kept crying. He sniffled softly, trying his best to be quiet. He's so behaved, Euiyoung is a good boy you see.
The water caressed my toes, it was slightly warm. I stepped into the sea, walking further and further. But all I could see was a younger me. Eyes wide and full of hope, that someday things will get better. And that I'll live a happy and fulfilled life.
Now, those dreams are crushed, if I can't be there for Euiyoung, who will? My last wish is to make sure Euiyoung will be happy, it's okay if I disregard my happiness, but Euiyoungs happiness should be guaranteed.
I keep walking, Euiyoung held on tightly, I could hear his soft breathing, but my heart is beating loudly.
I don't matter anymore, what matters is Euiyoung. If I'm not there what will he do? It's only right I take him with me. Even if I wanted to watch him grow up, play with his friends, nag me about stuff, watch him be a kid.
I never got to do any of that, And it's okay, as long as we have each other, it'll be okay. Right?
Ah... I've gone too far.
Someday, I'll wake and rub my eyes, and in that land beyond the skies, you'll find me.
I stepped further into the water, the pressure making harder and harder stomp on the sand beneath. Even if the rocks below tingle and chew at my feet, it feels calm, peaceful, like I'm letting go of everything. I'm just so tired I don't know what to think anymore. Is this what it feels like to let go?
Euiyoung is still crying beneath me, softly but surely, his tears flow like rain droplets, I'm holding him as tight as I can. He's too small for this.
It hurts, it feels like I've let go but truly, I never did.
This is the end of the road now, The waters touching my neck and Euiyoung is almost fully down in the water. This is it.
Was this truly what I wanted? It was the best choice. Arguably so.
I've reached it. I'm going to hell, not like I've believed in the first place.
"Euiyoung. It's time to say goodbye now." I said softly, tugging at hi small arm.
"Goodbye hyung..." His voice trembled as his eyes welled up once again.
He was too young for this. Should I just go back? There's no point anymore other than to step further.
I took my last step. And the current took us away.
I held on tightly to Euiyoung, who gasped for breath but only swallowed water, I cried inside the ocean. My little brother. How could I do this to you? I'm the worst.
Euiyoung thrashed his arms, wanting to breathe, but I held on. sinking us deeper and deeper into the sea. I closed my eyes. Smiled as I took my last breath. So did Euiyoung, and we fell.
Maybe in another life, this would turn out differently.
__________
"Dang it. We lost them," Taeju snarled, "Suicidal bastard. Now all that wons gone to waste! Wonyoung!" Wonyoung perked up, "What?"
"Let's track down Kim Sahyeok."