Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Campeoncito, the races are on!” Joel shouted from across the apartment, the television flickering to life as Noah came barreling down the hallway nearly slipping on the smooth wood floors. “Wait for me Papa!”

The little boy entered the room, his loud padded footsteps as he practically dived onto the couch next to his father. He was fidgeting and bubbling up with excitement.

“Someone is excited, so when are you going to join one of those races?” Joel teased as he pulled his son close to him as he looked down at his eager child. Noah giggled and answered, “One day, I will be number one. I want to be on top and once I get there will you be proud of me?”

“I am always proud of you chamaco,” Joel chuckled as he pushed his son’s curls back to kiss him on the forehead, “No matter what you do and what place you are in, as long as you are happy I am proud.”

“But I haven’t won yet!”

“Winning doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t happy Noah.” Joel mused, he knew that his son has yet to understand the true meaning of winning something. A few years time he knew that Noah would finally come to that epiphany.

Brazil - 26th March, 1994

Noah is just laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Tomorrow is the big day, he is going to be out on those tracks and he needed to sleep to have the energy for tomorrow yet here he was. It’s past midnight and he is just staring off. Counting all the bumps on the popcorn ceiling. He was raising in popularity and he was being talked a lot but it isn’t in a good lighting. Mocked by most of the media outlets and he found himself in a loop.

That dull ache in his chest and the whole withdrawal staying in his hotel room was becoming unbearable.

‘I should call ma, see how her and Kris are holding up without me before my race,’ Noah thought to himself, he swung his legs off the bed and began heading to the balcony. The view was beautiful, a good view of Mosteiro De São Bento. He rested his chin against his palm as he leaned on his elbows against the railing. Brazil was peaceful at this time of night.

His body was tired and he knew that he was extremely jet lagged yet, his mind had too many things going on at once. He has worked his ass off to get this far, now he was in the season. A rookie trying to get his name out with the big leagues.

“Fuck,” Noah grumbled, he has gotten this far and now the first season, the night before a big race. “Come on Noah, you got this. You will win and make dad proud.”

He shook his hands and made his way back inside, this room felt like a prison. He paced for a moment before getting back into the bed. Sleep eventually taking over within a few minutes.

On the other side of town, the truck carrying the cars for the race was getting unloading. The workers handling everything getting prepared for the big race. All the cars were laid out neatly, inventory was done and people began leaving for the night.

The garage was empty with nothing but cars, down a few rows a back up white and blue car lay tucked away in the corner. It was an hour till the car began to hum loudly and transformed.

“Primus, why the fuck do they got me in this damn corner.” Mirage grumbled, he walked around the garage. He looked over at the cars that were going to be racing while he was just cooped up per usual. He wandered around looking for anything past his time. He should be used to this already but it didn’t mean that it was an easy. Multiple seasons, no one has yet to put him on the field. All the stupid rookies treated him as if he was some toy, he wanted to be out there on the tracks.

Something that reminded him of back home.

“Another night in an absolute scrapheap!” Mirage kicked his leg out thinking he had more room but he absolutely dented in one of the cars, he froze and began cursing in a panic, “Frag, frag, FRAG!”

He didn’t need to be discovered especially since the last time he was discovered it was clear that the government did want him here. He saw a few movies about how humans viewed aliens as monsters and he preferred not to be placed on such chopping block.

He tried bending the car back into a normal shape but he was making things worse. His servos were scuffing up the paint job and the dent looked worse than it originally did.

“Primus please I can’t run away again!” Mirage was panicking more and more till he stepped back, the car looked like its seen a lot better days. It was five seconds from the front falling apart completely. It was bent all wonky. The cybertronian looked around and noticed a camera, he jogged on over and carefully unplugged it from the wall and plugged himself into the grid system, erasing the footage of himself and fucking up the feed so it wouldn’t see him for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

Noah scrunched his face up and he tossed in bed when he heard the loud and rather annoying sound of his alarm blaring, he fumbled around trying to slap the button to snooze away the noise for 5 more minutes of sleep. Slamming the side of his fist against the snooze button before he could finally relax.

His room phone began ringing across the room, Noah opened his eyes and groaned loudly in frustration. He thought to himself as he stormed over, snatching the phone off the wall and placing it up to his ear, ‘Who could be calling me at this darn hour?’

“Hello this is Noah Diaz speaking,” He stated, pinching and massaging the bridge of his nose. “Hi Diaz, this is Robert. I am on your pit crew.”

“Hi Robert, is there something wrong or do you just like calling people at the crack of dawn?” Noah yawned as he rubbed his eyes, wiping off the eye crust. He didn’t know why his pit crew would call him this early. “It’s your car sir, the front is absolutely totaled. We are thinking someone may have or must have messed up on documenting your car when it arrived but you can’t race with the car because it literally looked like someone dropped it off a tall building.”

Noah’s eyes nearly bulged out and now he felt very awake, in a panicky voice, “Wait what? Robert please tell me you are pulling on my leg. You can’t be serious I got a race in like…”

He glanced over at the clock. It was about 5 am, the race was at 2 pm.

“Roughly nine hours from now, what… I…” Noah began stumbling on his words as he ran a hand through his curls, tugging on them to try to think what could he possibly do. Robert spoke up to calm him down, “Don’t worry, you always have the back up car. Sure it’s used for the test drivers but we can fix the paint job and she will be up and running for you.”

That calmed Noah’s nerves down a bit but then the new question popped up, who would sabotage him this way? Was it some upset fan who wanted Michael Andretti? He was the only American driver this season so he expected a lot of people to disapprove of him. He didn’t even realise that Robert hung up, till he finally heard the odd hum noise. He mounted the phone back onto the wall and bite the inside of his cheek to suppress a loud yell. His chest heaving up and down, he head back over to the bed. Sitting on the mattress as he buried his face in his hands.

There was a growing weight on his chest, irregular uneven breaths, tears welling up in his eyes. He knew that there was a back up but the thought losing it all, someone messing up all of his hard work made it difficult to relax.

His eyes flicked back up to the phone, his mother may be getting ready for work right now. Those moments felt like a blur but he was at the phone hearing the hum, waiting to hear a voice that could ground him.

“Hello this is Breanna Diaz who-”

“Hola mami,” Noah said, his eyes closing gently as the sound alone of his mother’s voice was calming and soothing. He leaned against the wall and pretended that he was back home with her and Kris. “Noah! How have you been mi hijo?”

There was a split second where Noah debated on telling her how he actually was but then he thought how much she had fought along side him to get him this far.

“I’m doing good, just miss you and the little troublemaker,” He lied partially, he could hear his mother chuckle before shouting at Kris that his older brother was on the phone.

“Sonic!”

“Tails, are you giving mom a rough time? Otherwise I will get the soonest flight to put you in time out,” Noah mused as his lips curled up into a smile. Kris was quick to defend himself, “No no no! I have been behaving, I can’t wait to see you on TV.”

Noah paused momentarily as his smile wavered, he was glad neither of them could see him.

“I’ll make sure to mention you my baby brother and mom during my victory speech,” He chuckled, redirecting the conversation away from the race. Kris snorted, “Don’t get too confident also stop calling me your baby brother! I am soon going to be a grown man!”

“Uh huh, super grown. I can practically see your beard about to pop out any minute now,” The older brother said. Shaking his head as he couldn’t believe how that in a few years time Kris would become a grown man but till then he is Noah’s baby brother. He remembered holding Kris after he was born and now he was a middle schooler trying to convince everyone that he was grown. “See mom Noah sees the vision.”

“Hey what happened to no names over the air waves?”

“Shit!”

“Kris! Language!” His mother’s voice was sharp and Noah could imagine the chancla was about to go flying and hit Kris in the back of the head for cursing. “Well Tails I will let you go, I need to start getting ready and make sure everything is ready for the race.”

“Aw okay bye Sonic!”

“Bye mi hijo, I love you!”

“I love you both,” Noah stated. He pressed the phone back against the wall before letting out a sigh, he was more clear minded and he was ready to go down to the stadium to see what car they were providing him with since the original one is damaged. He threw on some civilian clothing instead of his racing uniform to avoid getting unwanted attention. Simple white shirt, pants and a NY baseball cap. He wasn’t even going to both taming his hair since he would only mess it up later with the helmet.

Leaving his hotel room and walking down the hallway that felt like it stretched for miles before he finally got out of the building. He got into the rental car and he glide his hands across the wheel, pressing his forehead against the leather.

“I got this. I will win and he will be proud of me.” Noah whispered, trying to remind himself that he didn’t get this far just to give up, he needed to prove himself as a Diaz man. Make his father proud of him, he couldn’t afford letting his mother down either with the amount of debt she went in to get him this far. With this race alone he could pay her back completely and start providing for the family.

…

“Okay Robert, which car am I taking for the race?” Noah questioned as he followed the pit crew member, Robert looked a lot different from what he envisioned. It didn’t help that he wasn’t in uniform, though Noah couldn’t speak on the uniform part giving he was dressed in street casual wear. Robert seemed like he was mixed probably Asian and something else that Noah couldn’t exactly pin point and he had shaggy brunette hair.

“You get a good picks, I was going to choose for you but I think you need to find the car that just calls out to you.” Robert chuckled as he used his hands to gesture at the 2 back up cars.

One of them was red and the other one was blue and white. The red one did call out to him but his uniform would just make everyone call him a blatant American. Red, white, and blue. The blue car though matched his uniform.

Noah walked up to both cars and he traced his hand along the red one first.

“I see you like that one,” Robert commented, Noah nodded before muttering, “I do like the color red but I think I may just use the blue one.”

Turning his attention to the other car, mimicking what he had done with trailing his fingers along the smooth metal, the smooth paint and cool metal under his fingertips. Something aside from colors was drawing him to blue car. It just felt right to pick this one, maybe it was because his father loved blue and white F1 cars or something more deeper.

Mirage was asleep when the two men had entered the garage but Noah’s touch woke him up. The cybertronian had to stay still but he didn’t know how to exactly feel when someone was caressing him so gently unlike people who would smack him. It was like Noah knew that he was alive.

‘Primus what is this? Why is he?’ Mirage’s processor was going a mile a minute as he felt Noah’s fingertips trail against his body.

“I think I am going to choose this car here, the red car is calling to me but this one, this one is practically screaming at me,” Noah informed as he lightly pat the car and squeezed a small bit, the cybertronian felt weak in the spark at this rate.

‘Am I into this?’ Mirage thought to himself confused at the rush of mixed feelings of the human patting and caressing him. He was most certainly not used to it and doesn’t really know what to make of his feelings the thoughts. Another thing just dawned on him, this man just picked him as the replacement car for the race. Mirage wanted to whoop and holler in excitement but then he remembered that he needs to stay calm and quiet as not to give away the fact that he was not just a race car. His spark was burning extremely hot in his chest either way.

“Okay Noah, me and the crew will get this out on the track for you then.” Robert clapped his hands rubbing them before giving the car two hard smacks. Mirage immediately scowled and he didn’t appreciated that type of touch, he was already taking a liking to Noah so far. “Thank you Rob.”

Robert left the garage leaving Noah alone with the cars, once Noah knew he was alone he had that little immature side of him kick in. He climbed into the car just to get a feel of the car he had chose. He needed to get the feel of how different it was from the car he usually raced in. His little ritual before races, sitting in the car and just running his hands along every surface he could reach.

Mirage for one was not used to people rubbing and running their hands along his interior, he just knew that his spark was getting hotter by the second. Feeling hands run along the stitches of the wheel, Noah thought it was slightly odd that the wheel seemed warm. Mirage on the other hand was trying to keep himself composed. All this touching was definitely exhilarating, suppressing the urge to tremble and shake, the urge to rev his engine loud and let it purr.

Luckily Noah stopped moving his hands around and patted the wheel gently. “We got this, we will win this race together.”

Whether he was talking to himself or to Mirage, the bot definitely felt motivated to help his new potential companion cross that line. ‘Noah don’t worry we will win that race, don’t you worry, your boy got this.’

Noah soon got out, giving the vehicle one more pat before leaving the garage. Mirage waited for a few minutes for the coast to be clear till he finally transformed into his Cybertronian form, placing his servos over his spark. The warmth spreading to the energon that pumped through him.

“Primus, what did I do to deserve him?” Mirage uttered as his dermas curled up into a goofy smile, his face plates feeling the rush of warmth. He was excited to be on the tracks for an actual race, not used as some warm up. Although he couldn’t do any smack talk with the other drivers or use his weapons to blast them off the track, he wanted the thrill of trying to win. This was high stakes for Noah though to which Mirage knew that he needed to introduce himself to. He was dying to talk with anyone at this rate and luckily Noah is a perfect candidate.

…

Lights flashing, crowds cheering, Noah’s zipper going up and helmet being held under his arm. Walking out into the bright light. Hands reached out to touch him but he was just out reach as the fences and guards prevented the crazed fans. The sun glaring down on the road forming a shimmering Mirage in front of his car.

‘I got this, Kris and mom are depending on me, I need to make him proud.’

His uniform was a bit firm fitting on his legs which made them slightly itchy. He waved at some of the people who screamed and cheered for the drivers, he began heading to the blue and white car that was practically calling his name. Mirage wasn’t really calling his name out loud but rest assured that processor was just filled with thoughts of wanting him to get inside.

Noah climbed into the car, the seat belt seemingly getting tight on him but he just chalked up to anxiety. The pit crew checking up on him and asking him what feels like a thousand of questions and double checking everything over making sure the car was ready. Mirage was getting antsy and excited, he made sure the seat belt was firm on Noah, even though he never crashes he has heard some horrific cases about accidents before he even joined the F1 racing scene. Noah wasn’t going to be dying any time soon on his watch if he could help it.

“Okay you ready Diaz?” Robert shouted, placing a hand on the racer’s shoulder. Noah gave him a thumbs up, “Born ready bob bob.”

“Don’t call me that.” Noah immediately shut his mouth and gripped the wheel, other drivers began getting into their own respected cars, their pit crew talking with them a bit. Everyone really seemed close with each other, maybe one day he could get that close with his pit crew.

71 laps, 71 laps, 71 laps.

“71 laps, I got this, just treat it like practice,” Noah muttered as he placed his helmet on dropping the visor down. Fixing his gloves before gripping onto the wheel, he remembered running along this track not to long ago to have a decent understanding of what was in store. Sharp turns and a few long straights. Mirage heard Noah whispering. ‘71 laps? Primus, these humans must have tiny tracks to need 71 laps to win a fragging race.’

Mirage was ready to get some oil pumping, he was sick of just used for practice. This was a race that he knew that he could win with his optics closed. Engines revving loudly, Noah gripped the wheel tight as he narrowed his eyes. ‘Just treat it like practice, don’t let anyone get to close or pass you. Don’t crash.’

It felt like a blur from there, Mirage felt the thrill bubble up in him as he began to race. Following the turns, he immediately got annoyed that they were all the way in sixth. ‘I am not settling for 6th, I am Mirage, I used to be one of the best racers on Cybertron. Damn Noah do I need to speed up for you?’

To say the least the bot was not patient and didn’t like being so far back. The intercom information wasn’t as important to Mirage or Noah. The roar of the fans sent Mirage back to the good days back on his last race.

Mirage’s Flashback

Mirage was about to start a race, crowds of adoring fans chanting and cheering his name. He raised his arms up and loud screams and cheers erupted

Mirage! Mirage! Mirage!

The mantras of his name soothed the spark and the pregame jitters he was ready to win this race. He glanced over and saw some rivals who weren’t as fond of him. Sore losers from constantly biting his dust. They seemed to be talking amongst each other as if planning to team up. It wouldn’t be the first time that other racers tried teaming up against him, after all he was one of the best racers and he carried that with pride.

End of Flashback

10th lap

They pushed up in front of 2 other drivers, Noah was focused. In the zone, Mirage could notice that zone of focus. ‘You got this. I got this. We got this. I’ll help you in the later laps.’

14th lap

As much as Mirage was supposed to enjoy the thrill, it was slightly boring with how many laps around the same track. Cybertron had better tracks by a long shot and the smack talk was allowed. All he could hear is the wind, fans, and loud blast of music. He wish he could talk with Noah albeit if he tried now, he could risk scaring Noah and a crash would be quite painful for the both of them.

21st lap

Mirage was getting pissed off with the pit crew as two cars left sooner. Noah was in third.

“Fuck, we need to speed up,” Noah grumbled as he tried to close the distance between the other drivers. Mirage heard this and subtly he began to speed up to help the human out, he was starting to feel that thrill again when Noah started muttering. Soon they were in the middle. 2nd position, Mirage didn’t want to be in second place either. If he had it his way the race would have been done so much faster and he would had everyone long behind him.

“Okay just don’t let Michael pass us,” Noah murmured, gliding his hands across the wheel. Mirage quietly promised that he wasn’t going to let the other driver pass them.

Somewhere in the 30’s lap range

Mirage saw the pile up and he felt scared not for himself but for Noah, why did humans need to be so fragile? Mirage was making sure that Noah was not getting close to any spin outs. He absent mindlessly tighten the seat belt around Noah’s chest. Noah noticed and grunted, “Fuck what is happening with this seat belt?”

Lap 56

Everything was going smoothly, racing in unison without Noah really knowing. Michael had managed to pass Noah. Senna and Michael were fighting with each other for 1st.

“Shit we could always settle for third,” Noah whispered under his breath, the other racers were far behind the top three. ‘WHAT?! I can’t settle for third? Come on Noah let’s catch up with them!’

Noah immediately noticed that his car was going a bit faster, he lessened his foot on the pedal to slow down a bit but to his confusion the car only seemed to speed up. He looked down momentarily to check. ‘What the fuck is happening?’

“Shit slow down. I need to slow down!” Noah whispered in a panic, he glanced back down to the breaks debating if he needed to press down on it. Mirage was too deep into the race as he continued to accelerate, he felt Noah suddenly slam on his brakes. Overriding it he heard Noah start to panic.

‘Stop panicking I am helping you!’ Mirage thought. Noah looked back up and he shouted. Senna spun out and was hurdling straight to them, Mirage decided that he was going to take the reins completely.

Dodging the spun out racer and began speeding up to pass Michael.

68th lap

Noah was hyperventilating and gripping on the wheel, maybe he was just dreaming all of this, maybe he was in such a deep zone that he was far 1st by a whole lap and a half. He needed to hear anything that wasn’t the crowd practically roaring and the music and the sounds of cars.

“I need to call Kris and mom when I get home,” Noah whispered, clenching his eyes as he decided to accept his fate with his seemingly possessed car. He should have focused on school and just have gone to the military instead of joining the whole racing scene. Mirage noticed how shaky Noah seemed he felt bad for taking control. “Noah it’s okay. I got this, you just relax.”

Noah’s eyes flew open and then he thought to himself, ‘Did i take drugs or did the car speak to me?’

Before he knew it, he had got first place. The crowd cheering and roaring as Mirage parked. Noah won by a full lap and a half. He was in a complete daze the entire time not knowing what to say or do about him winning. He knew that Kris and his mother was probably shouting and cheering ridiculously loud, even screaming. Talking his helmet off to get a proper gasp of air.

“Noah Diaz how does it feel to win this race?”

“How does it-”

“What do you have to-”

Everything began blurring, his mouth feeling dry as he tried to answer everyone. He was a rookie that made everyone bite his dust, he didn’t want to tell everyone that ‘oh my car began driving it’s and i just panicked the whole time. No biggie really.’

He was practically choking on all the mics that were being thrusted his way. Some of the reporters joking that he was in that happy shock for doing what every rookie dreams of.

Even after the race ended completely, he felt like he was stumbling around trying to figure out what to do. Noah didn’t feel like celebrating with the other pit crew members or drivers, what happened during that race spooked him and he needed to get a good examination of the car. He entered the car garage and began wandering and looking around at the cars, they all looked pretty fine then he made up to his car.

It looked like a normal car but what car drives on its own, his mother was a very spiritual person and would have told him that the ghost of his father was the one who took the wheel and guided him to victory but the voice that came from the car was definitely a proven factor that it wasn’t his father. He examined it and it looks pretty normal, he glanced around till he found a tool box.

He examined everything about the car not knowing that Mirage was half awake.

‘What is this man doing? Primus I just want to rest, I hope he doesn’t have some post game ritual…’

Noah decided to see if he could worm his way underneath to examine the bottom. He got behind the car and suddenly Mirage felt extremely aware of the predicament, he was getting nervous and was debating if now a good time or did he feel in the mood for some awkward touching? Noah began to reach under the car and Mirage transformed rapidly, with Noah almost underneath him.

“Wow wow wow man! Um humans usually get dinner before touching each other in certain spots don’t they?” Mirage chuckled awkwardly as he loomed over Noah who fell back on his ass and was propped up with his elbows. His eyes wide with fear and bewilderment. The bot waited for a second because it was clear that the man was speechless.

“Um so your welcome for helping out in the race there,” The bot tried again and smiled to show he was friendly. Noah coming to realisation he has a voice and the ability to move, he grabbed the closest thing and immediately got ready to throw a wrench at Mirage and shouted, “Back up! I- I…”

“Hey now what’s with the aggression? I thought after winning that race we were boys, now you are trying to hit me?”

“Maybe,” Noah responded as he gripped the wrench tightly, he would throw it but what was the point when he was going up against someone more than twice his height. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brows, he was soon met with Mirage’s servos transforming into a canon, the heat from it charging up hit him and bright blue glow. “It’s like that?”

There was a few seconds where they stood there, Mirage was reading Noah up. He noticed how despite the present danger he was still standing his ground.

“Hmm tough guy. I like that. I like it a lot,” Mirage huffed as he transformed his servo back, crossing his arms before giving Noah a good look over. Noah finally got the courage to ask, “What are you? Some type of possessed race car?”

“Phht nah that’s not real, I’m an alien.” Mirage waved a hand finding that being a possessed car like Christine was not what he was. “Like E.T.”

Take it back he would preferred being compared to Christine.

“E.T! The lil ugly dude in the basket! Look at this face,” Mirage pointed at his facial plates, “Name’s Mirage.”

He extended a fist, waiting for a fist bump from Noah, He waited for a second before realising that Noah was still a bit scared. He retracted his servo.

“Alright not ready yet, I understand. I am assuming you got questions,” Mirage spoke before sitting down and making himself seem smaller to not intimidate Noah as much but he was pretty sure that ship sailed the minute he pointed his blaster at the man.

“Yeah I got like… a million questions,” Noah stammered slightly as he slowly lowered the wrench. His heart was hammering through his chest because the adrenaline was still pumping on through.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Mirage didn’t understand as his optics narrowed. “Why help me win the race? You could have kept yourself a secret and I would have-”

“You would have lost but to be honest when you were feeling me up this morning and saying some stuff of encouragement it made me motivated to join the race a bit.” Noah’s face got red and he then stated, “Wait what! You could feel me?”

“Yeah, felt you get all handsy with me. Didn’t think I had such an effect in my alt form,” Mirage teased and chuckled as he relaxed, his optics following Noah who began to pace. Noah ran his fingers through his curls, just finding out that his replacement car was actually sentient and was an alien. He needed to change his pregame ritual because he does not wanna run his hands all over an alien.

“How did you get here?” Noah asked as he looked over at Mirage. “Oh um long story really but let’s just sum it up that I crashed here and I am stranded till another cybertronian figures out where in Primus I am.”

“Cybertronian?”

“Yeah that is what I am, I don’t really feel like going into detail,” Mirage said, tilting his helm back and forth. Noah decided to sit against on the other cars and let out a deep sigh. He wasn’t really prepared for this moment to meet and talk with an alien. He owes Kris so much money.

“So um Noah, can we keep my existence between the two of us?”

“Who would even believe me?” Noah asked as he gestured at Mirage, “Yeah. I just what am I going to do with you? I can’t drive you in the next race knowing you are… alive.”

“Wait let’s not get rash!” Mirage chuckled as he got on his hands and knees crawling towards Noah, careful not to fuck up his paint. He laid on his front and looked up at Noah, “Let’s make a deal, you drive me around and I’ll help you win the races.”

Noah paused, looking at the massive alien that was at his feet practically pleading him to continue drive him around. “What is it in for you?”

“I am sick and tired of being cooped up in damn garage’s this is my first race in like… a while to say the least and you obviously know your way around with me. I don’t want to be benched again, I used to race back on my planet. I nearly won every race and it’s obvious I made those human racers eat my dust. So what do you say? I help out when you race so you can win and you get the glory?” Mirage whispered, trailing on of his digits up Noah’s leg while trying to give the best pleading optics. He did not want to be collecting dust or let rookies use him again. Noah brushed the Cybertronian’s digit away and sighed, “Fine. Deal.”

“Atta boy, I knew you were chill.”

“Just give me a bit, finding out that my car is actually an alien is… a lot to figure out in one day.”

“Don’t worry, have all the time you want.”

Chapter Text

“I’m losing it,” Noah sighed, he sat on his bed. It’s one thing him winning first place but for it to be truly done by his car instead. His car was really an alien. Aliens actually exist and they weren’t all small or skin like from the movies. This alien was double his height and could shape shift into a car and also could speak perfect English instead of stuttering or speaking in some unknown language.

Maybe sleeping off would get this off of his mind, waking up to a clear mind instead of this whole mess that he didn’t know what to do about. Laying in bed in his tank top and shorts wasn’t helping, trying to go to bed at 6 pm wasn’t something he usually does. His heart was pounding in his chest hard, what the actual hell is going on with his life.

“I’m fucking losing it, this is what I get,” Noah groaned as he covered his face up with both of his hands. ‘The deal.’

He thought about the deal more and the implications. If he wins every single race at first people are going to begin to question if he was cheating then they will look at his car and find out that it’s Mirage. Within a moments notice he got out of bed, rushing out of his hotel room to nearly collide into Senna.

“Oh hi Diaz, I have been meaning to tell you congratulations for winning the race,” Senna stated, he seemed stoic and this made Noah almost faint on the spot, Senna was one of his many racing idols. He nodded and shakily responded, “Senna! Oh thank you, I um…”

Noah wanted to kill himself right after this interaction was over, an idol was standing right in front of him and he is just making himself look like a massive idiot, stumbling over his words. Did he put on cologne, he began fearing that him not taking a shower immediately made him smell funky. “I know this is going to be my last season but I haven’t really came across that many Latino drivers so seeing you win is definitely going to my children happy.”

Noah didn’t really think about that much about him becoming an idol to kids like how he idolized his favorite racers. A swell of pride fill his chest up as his lips curled up into a smile.

“I will gladly continue the good work then.” Senna smiled and walked off, Noah went back to hurrying out of the hotel. He got into the rental car and sat there for a minute, his cheeks hurting from how much he was smiling. It took him a moment to gain his composure before he eventually started the car up and began heading to where Mirage was residing.

…

Mirage was stuck being in his car form because of the amount of people examining him making sure that he would be in prime condition for the next race. Everyone was man handling him and he was not enjoying it to say the least, he didn’t like the harsh smacks or the rough handling with his parts. He made sure to keep his face hidden and tucked away.

“Okay boys time to go out for the night, everything is finished, now lets go get some drinks!”

“Hell yeah!”

Mirage just rolled his optics as he was transported back to the pesky garage, he wasn’t in the mood to be collecting dust till the next race. After a few minutes he decided to power down and rest a bit to just continue preserving his energy even though he had such an incredible abundance of it.

His processor replayed certain memories, Noah’s hands running along his metal plates, the interiors, those soft whispers of encouragement.

“Yo Mirage!” The cybertronian immediately woke up in confusion as he was dreaming that up, he immediately sensed that his favourite human was in the garage and calling for him. He began to transform till he was sitting back on his equivalent of haunches. His optics getting brighter when he spotted Noah.

“Noah, I see you can’t get enough of this mech can’t you?” He cooed as he tilted his helm, Noah paused for a second just staring at him. It wasn’t really every day that someone’s race car was actually an alien. Regardless Noah shook his head and stated, “No, I- okay I came here to talk about our deal because we need to put some rules and plans down that way you don’t get discovered.”

“Oh so you care about me,” Mirage chuckled as he stood up and walked on over to Noah, Noah was trying to focus on talking, “Well you did help me out, so I find it- EEK!”

Mirage picked Noah up, one servo gently wrapped around his waist while the other support his ass. Noah wanted to shout or do something but he was just bewildered by the fact that he was lift up as if he weighed nothing.

“Primus I always wanted to pick up you humans up so much, you are just so tiny.” Mirage giggled with his voice going slightly static, his optics squinting as he smiled. Noah on the other hand wasn’t pleased to be treated like some pet, he wished for some warning before he was lifted up too. “Raj’ can I be placed down?”

“Oh so serious,” Mirage responded, mimicking the look of scrunching up his nonexistent brows although he did listen to Noah setting him down back on his feet. “Where was I?”

“You were telling me about how much you care about me.” Mirage received a scowl and a deep sigh from the man which only fed into his amusement more. He was already enjoying getting under his skin and being a bit of a pain in the ass. It took a moment for Noah to remember but after he did, he immediately went back to the topic.

“Okay so today can not be a regular occurrence, no one will believe me if I win back to back in first place. So we are going to mix it up a bit meaning some races we will…”

Mirage was not paying attention a single thing Noah was saying, he was more distracted by the little dots all over Noah’s skin. He couldn’t take his eyes off them, there was so many. Little constellations of dark spots across the man’s back, arms, chest, and face. He wonder if he could count them all, what if there was more hidden?

“Mirage, do you have any questions?” Noah asked snapping the bot out of his trance. Mirage quickly replayed everything that Noah had said and he immediately groaned, “We have to lose races?”

“Yes, otherwise people will catch on and find out that I am cheating by using you,” Noah confirmed. “Oh using my body for your selfish desires aren’t ya? You do prove to enjoy me, giving you have been inside of me.”

Noah’s eyes nearly bulged out before he stammered, “Mirage, let’s set some boundaries. First off, no more of- of whatever you are doing with these jokes or at least tone it down a bit, they don’t sound that appropriate to humans at all. I’ll set more boundaries as we go though.”

“Okay roger captain, my dermas are sealed,” Mirage promised, his servos going to his hips as he peered down at the man who walked off to go sit on one of the other race cars. He then made an observation. “Hey so Noah, why aren’t you, y’know celebrating with the other humans? Whenever I win a race I usually go drink and surround myself with other Cybertronians and have the occasional fun if ya catch my drift.”

Noah stifled a laugh before running his hand down his neck, “Well I’m not really the one for drinks or… ‘having fun’.”

The last part had an awkward pause and Mirage could tell there was something wrong, rather than put him on the spot he allowed the moment to pass instead of digging deeper for more information about it. Noah was glad for that. A silence fell between the two, a subtle disconnect from each other before Noah awkwardly spoke, “Well I need to get going. I’ll see you in Japan.”

Mirage blinked and he felt his spark dim a bit before he nodded. “Yeah see you then.”

Noah made his way out of the garage leaving the cybertronian alone, to say the least he felt bummed that he couldn’t speak to the man longer. Mirage was left alone going back to being lost within his thoughts. He transformed back into his alt form and powered down.

Flashback

A race intense as Cybertronians clashed against each other violently, Mirage far ahead in the front. He laughed loudly as he crossed the line and crowds cheered and chanted his name. The bots who tried to slow him down came all behind him, they all glared at him as he basked in the glory of winning.

The after party getting rowdy, bathing in all the compliments. All sorts of bots running their servos on his chassis. Mirage had no issue having fun with multiple bots at the same time but he needed some space, he exited the room. Feeling his frame being showered with the dark orange light from above, the halls were empty. He was getting a breather and a bit of a processor break. He loved his life, he would never give up racing, it was his life.

“Mirage, funny seeing you here,” One of his rivals growled, a fake smile sprawled across their face. Mirage turned around and chuckled, “You are being such a pain in the aft. You don’t know how to fun.”

There was a difference between Mirage and his rivals. He enjoyed racing, sure he would be annoyed if he lost but regardless he has fun with it while his rivals hated losing, being livid whenever they lost. Mirage loved the friendly banter but now he was just getting annoyed and fed up with their sour bullshit. This part wasn’t a complete stranger as multiple surrounded Mirage, his optics narrowed as he chuckled, “Primus shall help you out because I am going to kick your afts.”

End of Flashback

…

Soft hum and the sound of his blood rushing in his ears as he waited for his mother or Kris to pick up the phone, bracing for the inevitable screech of joy and a long rant of how amazing his race went. The phone clicked and his mother’s voice came over the phone.

“Hi Ma-”

“You won first place!” She squealed so loudly that Noah had to move the phone away from his ear to avoid hearing loss. His lips curled up into a smile. “I did win mami.”

“Oh my god you were amazing, you were just…” Breanna began to trail off, the next thing she spoke made Noah go still, “He would have been really proud seeing you win.”

Suddenly he didn’t know how to breathe, his chest tightening up and he could only manage out, “Really?”

“He would have been making a bigger fuss than Kris has, maybe one day I will have two racers,” She teased and giggled, Noah felt bad as he struggled to remember his father’s face. Seeing photos didn’t cut it either because he wanted to hear his father say it, that he was proud. His eyes strung as he finally took a shaky breath away from the phone.

“I can practically hear him,” Noah said. “I wish he was here to see how far I have gotten.”

“I do too…” Breanna sighed softly.

There was a pause before a very familiar voice came on, “Sonic you beat them all! The way you turned that one corner!”

Noah chuckled, “Well I guess there is no need for hellos anymore Tails.”

Luckily Kris’s rambling got his mind off of their dad, Kris was just explaining every little thing about the race as if Noah wasn’t there. He did think about telling Kris about the fact that his car was an alien but that was a conversation that would have to wait for another day. The call went on for what felt like hours.

“Kris you need to let your brother sleep, he’s going to be traveling again soon and he needs to check out Brazil. Mi hijo did you get the Brazilian flag yet?” Breanna asked, reminding Noah about his promise that he’d collect flags from each country for her and explore around. She wanted to make him remember that just because he was out racing didn’t mean that his whole life had to be filled with just racing. “No mami, but I will tomorrow.”

“You better, I will toss this chancla if you don’t,” Breanna joked as she slapped her sandal against the wall making sure he could hear how loud it was. Noah let out a whistle before answering, “Si mami, I shall go explore the world and get you a flag.”

“That better not be sarcasm. Te amo mi hijo, have fun please.”

“I will, te amo. Bye.”

“Bye Sonic!”

“Bye Tails.” The call ended, leaving Noah back in the empty room, no friends to really turn to celebrate or enjoy his trip out here. He wasn’t really close with any of the drivers or his pit crew since he was considered just a rookie and this win was just probably considered by everyone else as beginners luck. He accepted everyone’s words and sulked off but now he needs to sulk outside in Brazil.

His mind drifted over to a certain someone who was still cooped up in a garage.

…

Noah really tried spending his time in Brazil the best he could, he traveled around and tried some food. Managed to swipe a decent sized flag while he was at it, he was not really in the feeling for the taste of his mother’s chancla when the come flying at him for not keeping his promise.

It would be another few days till the cars would be transferred out to Japan, he was at a shop when he found a car sticker that he ended up grabbing for someone. He knew that he would get into heaps of trouble if anyone caught him but he snuck onto the stadium with the old key that he used for the races. All of the cars were left in the dark till he flipped on a light switch, the garage flooding with light.

Noah walked between the cars before stopping in front of a certain white and blue car.

“Psst, Mirage are you awake?” He started at first, lightly poking at the hood. “Mirage. Mirage. Mirage!”

The cybertronian let out a groggy groan before stating, “Alright I’m awake man.”

Mirage began to transform till he was just laying on the floor leisurely, his optics flicking down to look at Noah.

“What happened to seeing each other in Japan?”

“Well that’s not until like a week and a half, you don’t leave till another 3 days and I thought that maybe you’d wanna… hangout.” Noah suggested as he rubbed the back of his neck, with all honesty he did feel bad for the bot because being stuck in disguise for days on end with no true friends sounded boring yet relatable. Mirage sat up and asked, “You wanna hang out, with me?”

“Yes, you unless any of the other cars here turn into aliens as well. Wait-”

“No I am the only one, i would have told you by now. But Primus I still can’t wrap my processor around the fact you… well in simple terms it’s been years really and it gets so lonely,” Mirage chattered as his optics got brighter matching his spark that began getting hot in his chest with joy. Actually having friends sounded a mere concept to Mirage for the longest time because he always sees films of people not really wanting to be friends with aliens unless they are small, fuzzy and cute.

“Well since it’s pretty late out and no one is really out during these times you wanna do some laps around the track? It doesn’t really seem the most exciting in here,” Noah stated, there wasn’t that much that they could do in a garage except lounge around and talk. Mirage seemed to light up as he chuckled, “A man after my spark.”

Noah wanted to ask what was that but he figured that maybe that’s what a cybertronian heart was called. They both carefully made their way out and Mirage looked around a bit, this was bizarre being able to leave the garage since he usually didn’t take risks like this.

“So you want me to go into the standard race car or you want something more fun?” Mirage questioned, stretching and mimicking how Noah does it. Acting like his digits could crack like human knuckles. Noah frowned and tilted his head. “You can turn into other types of cars?”

“Duh how do you think I snuck into this type of crowd and hide amongst y’all humans?” The bot snorted as he did a flip into a transformation, “Porsche, lambo, Ferrari. The possibilities are endless!”

He transformed back into his usual mode, circling around Noah. Noah thought about it, the Porsche did seem tempting although he did just want to stick to what he was trained to do more. “Just the race car you were during the race.”

“Gotcha,” Mirage responded as he transformed, his voice crackling over the radio, “Hop on in.”

Noah’s lips curled up into a smile as he got inside, Mirage drove lazily at first. There was a peaceful silence between the two before Noah asked, “Maybe it’s too soon to ask but do you miss your planet?”

“Yeah, I miss Cybertron,” Mirage muttered as he sped up a bit, he didn’t know why this was suddenly asked but it reminded him of how he was stuck and stranded on Earth. He doesn’t mind Earth really, it was beautiful and unique but there was nothing that truly kept him happy with the amount of isolation and loneliness he goes through on a daily basis. Noah is technically the first human that didn’t reported him the minute of discovery.

“What was it like?” Noah asked as he got comfortable, Mirage rolled to a stop before stating, “Yeah maybe it is too soon for these questions.”

His words coming out in a forced chuckle, avoiding the topic of Cybertron to ignore the feeling of homesickness. Luckily the man noticed and swiftly changed the subject, “Sorry. Um… what is your…”

Mirage noticed the fact Noah was trying to begin a conversation but the two were too awkward to say anything so they fell back into an awkward silence.

A few laps went by, Noah was staring up at the stars that were slowly becoming more visible. ‘Surprised he hasn’t tried going faster. Thought he’d be zooming, not cruising around.’

Mirage in deep thought thinking about anything that wasn’t home, he was rather focusing on the sensation of Noah absent mindlessly traced his fingers on the interior especially across the stitches of the wheel. He was thinking of ways how to get closer and form a bond with Noah, maybe he doesn’t have to be alone anymore.

“Hey Noah you wanna see something cool?” Mirage broke the silence, Noah hummed softly, “Sure.”

The bot created illusions of himself and Noah surrounding them. The man stared back at himself, bewildered at the sight.

“Huh so that’s how you got your name,” Noah murmured as the other versions of himself were doing other actions. One seemed panicked and looked like he was gripping onto the car for dear life as if the fake Mirage was going off with him. Another one was sitting dangerously on the end of the other fake Mirage. The real one joked, “Creating illusions do come in handy when you are doing something you aren’t supposed to be doing or seeing what you wanna see.”

“What are you doing that makes you need to hide behind an illusion?” Noah chuckled as he sat up to look at the other illusions, entranced by them. Mirage was amused by how Noah’s admiration. “Well I’m an alien who isn’t really allowed here and the government probably wants to poke and prod my goods and y’know I preferred loving hands not I am going to take you apart for science type hands.”

‘Is he referring to me having loving hands?’ Noah thought to himself as he looked over at the radio not knowing how to exactly feel about that, he just decided to just take it as a compliment. “Yeah, I don’t think I want people to inspect me like some lab rat.”

“Glad we can agree about that,” Mirage chuckled as he killed the illusions before driving as if he was drunk, swerving all willy nilly. “Mirage what are you doing?”

“You know we gotta have fun, this track is just a mere suggestion.” Noah was about to ask what that meant when Mirage took a harsh turn and Noah watched as the car transformed with him still inside. The Cybertronian was just showing off all the different things he could do, driving like a complete maniac as Noah began freaking out slightly. “Mirage! Hey this is cool, you know you transforming and all is cool but can we drive y’know normally?!”

Mirage cackled quietly before he began heading back to the garage, he transformed accidentally spitting Noah out a lot harsher than he meant. The man went rolling with loud grunts as the bot threw his servos in the air, “It’s just so freeing transforming freely and now that I finally have you, I can be me. No staying cooped up and benched, just good ol Mirage.”

“Yeah that’s great and all but if you are going to spit me out like that, warning please.” Noah grumbled as he rubbed his back where he had landed on after getting back up to his feet. Mirage was careful around the other race cars and he stopped near Noah, tilting his head as if debating something.

“What’s that look for?”

“Hold your hand out, palm up preferably.” Noah didn’t see any harm with the request but after being spat out aggressively he was reluctant. Holding his left arm out and Mirage’s side began transforming then carefully he yanked a part out, his dermas pursing as if it was painful. He placed the removed part and pressed it against Noah’s ring finger gliding it to his palm till it transformed and a tiny mirage formed so it looked like a bracelet on his wrist. Noah wasn’t really big on wearing someone else’s body parts but something about this felt special.

“If you want to, no pressure but when we are separated and you ever want to talk, you can use that to communicate with me.” Mirage offered, his optics getting a bit brighter. Noah’s eyes glanced back down and his lips curled up slightly. “Thanks Raj’, I’ll make sure to take care of it then.”

A moment of silence before the bracelet reminded Noah about what was in his pocket.

“Oh man, completely remember why I stopped by, I was out in the shops and I know it’s silly but I found this sticker. I thought you’d like it.” Noah fished the sticker from the depths of his pocket, showing it to Mirage who’s spark began getting brighter within his chassis. A moon sticker with a familiar bicycle. The bot immediately looked at Noah and stated, “You are actually so mean.”

Noah began laughing and Mirage cracked slightly, sure he didn’t like being compared to E.T but he took giving gifts serious so he transformed into the car form.

“Don’t do me dirty on placement, you are lucky that I even revealed myself to you at all,” The bot sighed dramatically, Noah peeled the sticker and gently placed it on the side. Smoothing out it before stepping back to admire his handy work. “I think it looks great on you.”

“It’s so mean, I’m not ugly.” Mirage whined. Noah rolled his eyes before replying, “I never called you ugly.”

“Hm… good to know, good to know…”

Chapter Text

Mirage woke up of the feeling of workers beginning to transfer him so he could be in the next country for the next race. He always hated this part, multiple days of being stuck in his alt form, trapped within his own prison of his processor. Stuck having to think of how and why he is stranded out on this planet in the first place.

He remembered where he had camped out originally when first crash landing here, the long recovery before the eventual realisation of the doom being stranded out on a planet not suited for him. To be stuck hiding.

Mirage then distracted himself by thinking of his interactions with Noah instead, those memories did make him a lot more happier. The bot hummed to himself as his spark got hotter within his chassis creating a soft glow. Them on the track, their first first interaction and all the banter brought comfort to the bot as it made him feel no longer alone.

He was placed on the plane and the workers locked him in darkness. ‘I wonder what he is doing.’

Mirage turned on the communicator and spoke quietly, “Noah are you awake?”

“Unfortunately yes.” Noah’s voice crackles over the makeshift walkie talkie. “I’m being transported right now and it’s pretty lonely.”

“I can only assume Raj’.” Mirage liked being called a nickname even if it was just a shortened version of his name. Noah was back in his hotel room, laying tangled in the sheets. The conversation felt like it flowed as if they known each other longer than they have actually known each other. Time passed and Noah didn’t realise how long he was talking with his new alien friend that when he checked the time he nearly choked out, “Ay coño, it’s way past midnight!”

“Huh it is,” Mirage responded, the time didn’t really matter to him as much as it did to Noah. Noah had to be at interviews, he needed to be well rested. “Raj’ I gotta go to bed. Fuck sorry, good night.”

The man wasted no time getting as comfortable as humanly possible and praying that sleep could take over immediately. “G’night Noah, sleep well.”

After a few minutes of having his eyes closed was when he felt himself drift to sleep to be reminded of a reoccurring dream that haunts him no matter how much he tries to ignore it.

Dream

“Noah come on let’s go!” Noah couldn’t remember his face or name anymore. He could remember the feeling of his hands getting sweaty and heart racing, didn’t matter if they were moving around or not. He knew it wasn’t normal but he didn’t dare to admit anything out loud.

He followed his friend, through the messy landscape that was a mess of his bedroom, his high school classroom and the streets to his school.

‘It’s just a dream. WAKE UP!’

The fight and struggle as he tried to ignore the shame. He felt anxiety of someone finding it out, his dirty little secret. Noah turned around in his dream to which he made eye contact with bright glowing blue and he felt consumed by everything. Suffocation and no way out. Being trapped by his own internal prison.

End of dream

Noah gasped and sat up, gripping his sheets needing to be anchored back into reality. His chest heaving up and down, his eyes burning.

“Noah is everything okay? I can feel you freaking out.” Mirage’s voice came out of no where that it startled Noah. Noah looked at his wrist and his voice cracked, “You can feel me freaking out?”

He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought that just because the piece was no longer apart of Mirage’s body doesn’t mean that the alien couldn’t feel it. That realisation was quite humbling and made him realise he needed to be careful with what he was doing.

“Yeah, I can sense that your heart rate is through the roof and I can hear you breathing really loudly.” Noah’s face got hot from embarrassment because now he has to worry about Mirage accidentally eavesdropping on any conversation. “That’s just… great.”

“Something happen that freaked you out?” The bot asked, Noah immediately stated with no hesitation, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Noah didn’t want to talk about it truthfully, that dream was a nightmare for a reason. A nightmare that he is stuck facing every waking moment. Mirage didn’t need to know about the reoccurring dream, no one knew about it aside from him.

“I’m going to get ready and I’m going to be doing some interviews so please no communication till I give a coast is clear sign.”

“Okay Noah, have fun then. I’m like halfway from Japan, I’ll probably be there next time we speak.” Noah smiled a bit, his heart rate calming down a bit as he began getting ready.

…

Interviews weren’t a stranger to Noah but they were so uncomfortable in the sense extremely personal questions could be asked.

“Noah Diaz, the winner of the first race of the season. No one expected him to beat two seasoned drivers, so Mr. Diaz tell us was there a specific moment where you thought ’I can win this’?” The woman asked, the mic in front of Noah. He fidgeted with his racing suit, he didn’t understand why he couldn’t just wear dress casual clothes. He leaned forward and answered, “Well y’know it was half way through that race where I just thought to myself that… I knew I had to win not just for myself but for my family.”

That was a complete lie, he was freaking out majority of the race and he was praying that he wasn’t going to die because of Mirage but no one knew that. His brother and mother were probably watching this too and he missed them both. Some small lies couldn’t hurt.

“That is amazing, do you think that you will keep this up or do you just think this is beginners luck?” When she said that, it irked Noah for some reason. He kept on hearing that constantly but he just swallowed his pride and shrugged. “Maybe, but I will be working hard to keep up this work.”

“You think you will be getting first again?” The woman asked. Noah nodded. “Yes I do hope I will.”

He knows it’s extremely possible to because of the help from Mirage, the bracelet on his wrist feeling warmer. He remembered the bot could hear and feel him, he was probably listening to the interview. He was probably in deep thought about it because he was snapped back to reality with.

“Is everything okay Mr. Diaz?” Noah blinked for a moment before he clasped his hands together and chuckled, “Sorry, what was the next question?”

The interview wasn’t as crazy as the others thankfully and Noah’s ended a bit early so he decided to listen to some of his idols interviews. He got all excited and sat within the area where Michael Schumacher was being interviewed. That excitement was short lived as he began to hear all the rude comments made towards him and Senna.

“So Michael you sound confident that you will win every race after this, how do you think the other drivers react to this?”

“They better just stand down, especially the rookie. He just got lucky this time, I was so busy competing with a real racer that i didn’t realise he was behind us.” Noah scowled and Mirage must have heard it too because the bracelet got warmer. ‘The hell does he mean real driver?’

The more the other driver talked, Noah began to notice that there were some other drivers that weren’t taking a liking to how Michael was talking down on everyone. His nasty shit talk that was not only immature but disrespectful.

‘I guess ma was right about that I shouldn’t meet my heroes.’ Noah thought to himself as he didn’t want to listen to any more of this interview but he couldn’t help but listen to it more. His blood near boiling as he heard insults heading his direction, he wanted to speak up and defend himself but he knew that in doing so that he would create unnecessary drama and he would only be feeding the flames. Eventually he forced himself to leave the area, he was storming off till he found a secluded area where he breathed in and out.

“Que se joda, que se joda, que se joda, don’t let him get to you Noah.” He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the curls in attempt to make him focus on the pain rather than what Michael said about him. It was frustrating and he felt hurt when Michael practically called him a fake driver compared to him and Senna. After a few deep breathes he noticed that the bracelet had a bit of a blue glow.

“Mirage quit it,” Noah whispered into his wrist making sure to glance around to check if anyone was close by. Even if they didn’t see the glow, he didn’t need someone thinking that he was a complete lunatic.

“Sorry man.” Mirage’s voice came out quiet before the glow finally died down.

Mirage was cooped up in the cargo with all the other cars, he had accidentally caused the glow because he was livid at what he had heard. He wanted to defend Noah’s honour, the real driver comment got under the bot’s plates and wires. The whole interview start to finish made Mirage get annoyed, him and Noah are going to win the next race. The bot didn’t care, he needed to show up that other driver. Rookie or not Noah didn’t deserve to be called indirectly a fake driver.

A few hours eventually passed, Noah was in his hotel room and Mirage finally landed in Japan.

“Hey Raj’ what was that whole glowing thing?” Noah asked as he began taking his shirt off, peeling the sweaty clothes of the day. He didn’t know if the bracelet was water proof or not, so he waited to ask.

“Oh it was… nothing really.” Mirage paused for a second before he then corrected himself. “Actually no take that back, I was pissed off at Michael something forgot his last name nor do i care to address him as such. Primus he was just such a slag, what does he mean me and the other real driver. You Noah are a real driver.”

Noah’s lips curled up as Mirage wasn’t holding back, even if he didn’t know what some of the Cybertronian slang, he could tell what it means from tone.

“Yeah he pissed me off too, I guess you really shouldn’t meet your heroes.”

“He’s your hero? Primus you need better taste,” Mirage snorted, he couldn’t see Noah rolling his eyes at the comment. The man paused as he looked back down at the bracelet. “Is there wrist bracelet water proof or do you want me to take it off?”

“Well as long you aren’t boiling it or freezing it, I don’t care if water gets on it,” The cybertronian answered, he could soon overhear the sound of water hitting tiles. “Well I need a shower because I fucking reek.”

Noah took the bracelet off and set it on top of the counter top because he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with showering with a piece of another sentient being.

“Y’know I find that interesting that humans put in so much effort in smelling nice, I can smell technically but it doesn’t really bother me.”

“I wish I could do the same, I swear gym lockers are so disgusting and repulsive. You will never catch me smelling worse than those type of guys,” Noah chuckled as he began soaping up his hair, this wasn’t too bad. His showers were usually just silent and full of his thoughts going rampant.

“What does a gym locker smell like?” Noah’s lip curled as he remembered how bad some of the lockers back in his high school was, so nasty that it could make a nation fall to it’s knees level of disgusting in the man’s opinion. “Raj’ you don’t wanna know, it’s vile.”

The bot chuckled and the bracelet gained that blue glow like from earlier although Noah was too busy trying not to get soap in his eyes.

“Noah, what do I smell like to you?” Noah scowled, Mirage smelt like a race car nothing special or new really. “Well you smell like a car.”

“Oh. Is that good or bad?”

“Well I like car smells,” Noah explained, as he finished rinsing his hair out. Mirage hummed quietly. Noah cleaned himself and in no time he was out drying himself with a towel. Their conversation drifted around going to random topic to topic before Noah felt himself get tired again yet he fought sleep like it was a war.

“Hey Noah you yawn a lot, you sure you aren’t tired?” Mirage commented, the bot knew that yawning meant that humans were tired. He noticed that his friend was yawning every other sentence. Noah chuckled, “Nah, I still got a bit of energy left.”

Right after he said that he had to fight the urge to yawn again, he didn’t want the bot to realise how tired he was from the day. He didn’t want to go to bed and run the risk of having the same dream again. Mirage had his suspicions but he continued to talk with Noah, his words seemingly began to slur and after 30 minutes the bot realised he was talking to himself.

‘Knew it,’ Mirage thought to himself, he chuckled softly as he powered down too.

…

[A/N: Pretend there was a traveling montage of Noah getting all his shit together]

…

Landing in Japan was the moment Noah realised how much he hate traveling, his neck hurt, he felt exhausted and there was so many people. It was overstimulating and all he just wanted was to collapse in the nearest bed.

‘Why couldn’t I just be a normal person and worked as a car mechanic? Nooo I had to chase my dream of being a race car driver,’ Noah thought to himself as he trudged along with his bag that seemed like it weighed nearly a ton. People bumped into him left and right only making him more agitated. Getting to his hotel was an even worse hassle, Japan was beautiful to the ones who were alive and functioning. He was just fantasizing the bed as if it was one of his nonexistent lovers. Getting his new rental car was a lot more difficult because it wasn’t like Brazil where he could wing it, they didn’t speak Spanish what so ever. The worker luckily helped him get a car and explain some of the differences.

Noah was on his way, his bracelet began to glow and Mirage whispered, “How was the flight?”

“Fucking miserable,” The man groaned as he checked his mirrors frequently, despite being tired he was still anxious behind the wheel. “Hey but think, the race is in a week and we got this in the bag. Your my boy and I will make sure that your performance will be perfect.”

Noah’s lips curled up into a sleepy smile, that sounded nice. Mirage’s boy... He made a turn and found the hotel that he was supposed to be staying at for the next couple of days. He found a parking spot and parked the tiny car. ‘Felt like i was in a clown car there.’

“Raj’ we will see each other during the practices and I was wondering you’d like to get more time after hours for practicing.”

“Oh would I? You truly love pampering this bot don’t cha?” Mirage laughed, Noah rolled his eyes and joked back, “Mhm absolutely love to.”

The two laughed a bit as Noah made his way to his room, nothing matter as he dropped the bag and immediately collapsed on the mattress before letting out a loud groan, “No puedo más… Raj’ this bed feels like heaven after those hours of hell on that plane.”

“I bet, you humans seem so fragile.”

“Well I’m not made out of metal and wires and whatever else that makes you up,” Noah grumbled into the pillow as he kicked his shoes off and he rolled onto his back so he could peel off his pants easier. He was struggling to get them off when Mirage joked, “Maybe after any of the practices when you feel too lazy you could always sleep inside of me.”

“That sounds I’m practically begging to get neck pain,” The man snorted, maybe if he didn’t have to worry about neck pain he wouldn’t mind. It didn’t seem all that too bad.

Chapter Text

Noah was getting ready for practice, incredibly jet lagged and half asleep. Mirage was already rambling to him how excited he was. Something… Something… Something… Nothing really important really, just excited rambles that enough was endearing to hear.

He spits out the toothpaste in his mouth not realising he was brushing too aggressively till his gums bled a bit. The usual white foam a light shade of pink. The quiet shame that was rinsed away with cold water. Noah splashed some water in his face and swished some water around and spat it out.

“Alright Raj’, I’m about to get there,” Noah forced out a chuckle, rubbing his tongue along his teeth that had a slight film of blood over them. The taste of iron. Something more pure than he will ever be. “Noah! I can’t wait much longer, my spark will give out and you will be half across the city!”

The man rolled his eyes before he began leaving his hotel room, the mask went on the moment he left the privacy of his room. He whispered into the bracelet, “Okay quiet down for a moment, I don’t need someone finding you out right now.”

Mirage doesn’t reply and he waited patiently for his friend to reach the privacy of the car, Noah slammed the door and the bot commented, “Glad I’m not that car, you always slam car doors aggressively?”

“You just get special treatment,” Noah joked, starting the engine of the car with a swift turn of the keys. The bot chuckled, “Oh lucky me, I guess it’s only because you know I am alive and much more special than those other cars.”

“Mhm, super special,” The man whispered as he made a turn onto a street that was bustling with life, it reminded him off time square during Christmas rush hour. Luckily the stadium wasn’t too far from the hotel and he was almost the first one there. ‘Okay simple practice no racing no pressure.’

Noah knew that if a younger version of himself was here, that his little kid mind would blow up from excitement. He had some of those giddy excitement feelings bubble up overriding his insecurities. He made his way over to the garage were Mirage lay in his alt form just sitting there like he was a regular race car.

“Noah,” Robert called as he jogged on over, “We managed to fix the other car-”

Noah rose his hand and stated, “Nah, I think I am going to continue racing with this car, he just calls out to me.”

“He?” Robert muttered, frowning and looking at the same car. The crew member just threw a side ways glance at the racer before just shrugging it off. “It’s your winnings on the line I guess do whatever you want.”

Noah just focused on Mirage, who if he was in his more comfortable form he’d tease Noah and he was relishing in the fact that the man was choosing to stick with him. A promise is a promise. Soon other racers were moving their cars out to the track, Noah sat and waited as the others set up in their respected positions. Michael wasn’t too far away, both man and cybertronian heard his voice talking with his crew.

‘God what a dick,’ Noah thought to himself, Mirage also thought, ‘There is no way I’ll let that slag disrespect my boy.’

The seatbelt tightened a bit on Noah’s chest making him wheeze slightly.

“Christ, Raj’ give a man a warning about that. Something wrong?” Noah whispered as he glanced at his uniform sleeve that covered up the bracelet.

“Nothing just thinking,” Mirage muttered, his tone saying the complete obvious fact that he was mad or ticked off. Noah decided to let it go for the meantime and ask about it later.

After an hour of set up, everyone began practice rounds. Noah was in control for the time being, after placing his helmet on he switched his mic off so his pit crew wouldn’t be able hear him talking with Mirage.

“Noah, one the big game day you wanna do 50/50 work or let this bot do the heavy lifting?” Mirage chuckled as he began memorizing the track with each turn and curve thinking how on the big day they could be efficient and win in a humanly way possible. Noah turned harshly, his heart racing with adrenaline and he answered, “60/40, I do most of the work and towards the end you can let loose, we need something realistic otherwise people will question me and think…”

He did a harsher turn that made Mirage grunt because of how tight the grip on his wheel felt. The bot was getting a wee bit distracted to say the least, he was growing hopeless already in such a foolish way that he never thought would happen in a million years. He knew that if Noah didn’t wear gloves, he’d be weaker in the spark. All of those years of loneliness was catching up to him.

“You get all of that?” Noah’s voice broke through Mirage’s shameless thoughts and he had no choice but pretend that he understood, “Yeah, roger that.”

The twists and turns around the track, this wasn’t really like their little after hours training in Brazil. Mirage had to behave and not do anything stupid as to give his position away. There wasn’t really any chatting to his disappointment, just a lot of chatter about what to do on the race day. Cry him a river of energon because he doesn’t make racing his whole life.

“Noah, can we talk about something that doesn’t relate to racing?” Mirage asked as he steered a bit for Noah, the man frowned but reluctantly change the topic, “What do you want to talk about then?”

“Dunno, maybe talk about your family more.” The bot suggested as Noah let him take the wheel with driving around now, advancing the ranks as if this was the actual game day. The track whizzing on by while Noah muttered, “Well you know my brother Kris, he has sickle cell but because of my job and some other money, his treatment is usually covered up.”

Mirage pretended like he knew what sickle cell was, at least the conversation wasn’t just on purely on racing now. Making turn and the bot realised how much he could race on this planet would never be like his.

“Where is the other money coming from?”

“I-” Noah’s words got caught in his throat as he didn’t really want to explain where it came from. He just shook his head a bit before giving a lie, “Money that was a gift from someone.”

That money wasn’t a gift, it was a curse. Blood money to keep him and his mother happy but that money could never amount to what they had lost.

Flashback

“You want to come in the car with me or your mother?” Joel teased his son with a ruffle of his curls, the young boy pouting as he didn’t want to choose. Although he did want to sit in the back with his little brother who was still in the carrier thinking his foot was something to feast upon. Noah giggled and swatted his father’s hand away and stated, “I am going to help Mami with Kris.”

“That’s my boy, make sure that Kris doesn’t get into any mischief while I’m gone,” Joel chuckled as he made his way to his own respectable car with some other family friends. Noah skipped his way over to his mother’s car and got in the back, where Kris was buckled up. His mother was shaking access snow off her boots. “Make sure you shake off your boots otherwise I will tell Santa next year to give you coal in your stocking.”

Noah obeyed his mother and did what she had asked him to do. He was buckling up when he heard his mother mutter under her breath, “Okay let’s hope everyone on the road is sober tonight.”

End of Flashback

Blood money.

“Noah you okay? You spaced out there for a minute,” Mirage called out as he tightened the seat belt slightly which didn’t really help with the fact Noah’s chest felt like it was tightening up. He managed a shaky, “Yeah, I’m good. Just got a little lost in thought.”

“Huh, must have been something if you didn’t hear me call your name out a few times,” Mirage stated as he wove through other racers leisurely, loosening the seat belt back. Noah didn’t even know what lap they were on any more as he took some deep controlled breaths. “What lap are we on?”

“64.”

Noah didn’t realise how long he must have zoned off for, he winced as he was grateful that Mirage was the one driving at the moment. He placed his hands back on the wheel and asked, “Alright ready to switch out with you, I need to blow off some steam.”

The bot would have nodded if he was in his other form, Noah could feel the shift when he was back in control of the speeding vehicle. The smooth transition as he turned and followed the curve of the track, his breathing calmed down a bit. The seat belt tightened ever so slightly unlike the usual sudden and harsher times before. It felt like a soothing pressure instead.

“You got this Noah.” Noah couldn’t tell if that was Mirage speaking to him or just his mind playing tricks as a way for comfort. He was right on Michael’s car rear. “Hey Mirage, you wanna show this guy what we are made of?”

“You bet ya’ no one disrespects you under my boy without me having a say,” The bot cackled, Noah could feel the shift as it was a combination of both of them driving at once. Mirage involved of the speed and Noah operating steering. Noah joked, “You don’t want anyone making fun of the man who will let you feel free Raj’, don’t let some European walk all over me!”

Both man and bot hollered and whooped as they passed by Michael, Michael noticed and began matching Mirage’s speed to the best of his capabilities. His spark burning so hot in his chassis that even Noah could feel the warm at his feet.

That fire that got hot between them, the kick of the pedal as it was floored. In any other circumstances Noah would have spun out or crashed but Mirage had him. He wasn’t letting anything or anyone hurt the man he began to adore. Mirage wish he was alone with Noah, he’d show how Cybertronians race, where speed and danger were so exhilarating where someone could find their reason of living in that rush of adrenaline and that feeling of freedom with no restraints.

“One, Two, Three,” Mirage laughed as they made their way around Michael, “Whoomp there it is!”

“¡Por nosotros!” Noah cheered as pumped his fist in the space he had as he worked in unison with his friend. Mirage shouted something in a different language that the man assumed was his native language. Michael was probably seething behind them.

…

“Raj’ you see the look on his face when we finished practice? Dead ass thought he was going to through his gloves at me but he can’t, real driver my ass,” Noah howled with laughter, crashing on his bed and grinning as if he had just won the lottery. That was the best practice he has done, he felt free when both him and Mirage drove together.

“He is definitely going to be looking up at us on the podium,” Mirage cackled as the bracelet glowed, “Are you coming for some extra practice or was that enough of taking me for a spin?”

Noah sat there, he wanted to find a flag fast so maybe after he could stop by and go for a few laps when no one was around.

“Yeah sure, I think we can hang out a bit,” Noah answered, Mirage on the other side felt his spark get hot in his chest. Noah didn’t just call it practice or going for a few laps, he called it a hang out. The bot was all happy and giddy from the choice of words. Then the impulsive thoughts began sprouting with Noah not knowing what the bot was scheming to do later.

“I’m going to be out in public a bit so no trying anything funny,” Noah chided, poking the bracelet before going to the bathroom to check himself. Taking a few good deep breaths before eventually putting that mask back on and leaving the hotel room. Japan was a lot prettier when he wasn’t half asleep or worried about work. Regardless he was struggling a bit with the jet lag. It would be early morning in Brazil and it was getting close to night time here.

‘One flag from Japan and find something for Kris,’ Noah thought to himself as he decided to walk around since it seemed like it wouldn’t be that bad to get some exercise instead of just driving around, he already drives for a living. Joining the crowds that walked along the sidewalks going from shop to shop and trying to get to point a to point b.

Noah went into multiple shops and get a few souvenirs, finding some Nintendo items that he knew that Kris would love for sure. Wandering

…

Noah crashed on his bed, now that meet up with Mirage at the stadium didn’t seem as appealing anymore because he walked so much and he just wanted to chill now. He looked over at the balcony, he hasn’t checked out his view yet but so far he could just see the building next over. It reminded him of his fire escape back at home. He closed his eyes and let out a soft exhale, his mind slipping back. Mirage has been mysteriously quiet for awhile now.

Flashback

“Daddy is taking a bit long to get back home,” Noah whined as he stared out the window. “He is dropping off some friends, he will be back before you know it mijo.”

Breanna messed with his curls before making him go to the bathroom. Brushing his teeth while she gave Kris a bottle and changed his diaper in the same room was apart of the same routine as always. Noah liked this routine except for the fact that Joel, his father would be brushing his teeth next to him or kissing his mother on the cheek or call Kris Gordito for his chunky baby stomach. The foam of the paste dripped into the sink and he spat out the rest before rinsing out the sink making sure that no gunk could form. He didn’t need the chancla for not cleaning after himself.

“Good night Mami, good night Kris,” Noah hummed as he gave his mother a peck on the cheek and his brother a kiss on the forehead. He smiled and went to his bedroom, the fake stars on the ceiling glowing and his bed all tucked from him making it that morning. He climbed into bed wondering if his father would come into his bedroom when he gets back to give him a hug and tell him good night. If not a good plate of Huevos con Salchicha would be a good apology.

End of Flashback

Noah didn’t realise that he was crying till he heard tapping on his balcony door, or more like someone was tossing pebbles at the door. He frowned and looked over to the door, it was a large metal finger that belonged to a certain bot. His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as he got up and ran over, opening the door and whisper shouting, “Raj’ what are you doing? Why are you here!?”

“Hi Noah, I was thinking I could come to you this time. Also why are you crying?” Mirage frowned, standing on his tiptoes as Noah came out on the balcony. Noah blinked and just answered, “I…Stop worrying about me, I am more concerned about you… What if you are seen?”

It’s not like Noah could pull Mirage into his hotel room, Mirage just tilted his head and smiled a bit. “I’m Mirage remember? I’m using cloaking around us.”

That made sense now.

“Now I am going to worry about you because you are my boy. Something wrong?” Mirage asked again as he reached up with his servo, using one of his digits to gently nudge the man’s tear streaked cheek. Noah tensed up slightly, would he really open up to someone he has known only for a little over a week? The bot noticed the hesitance in Noah’s eyes. He knew how opening up wasn’t something easy to do, it relied on trust and that type of trust was an act serious on Cybertron.

“Would you like to go for a spin to get it off your mind?” Mirage offered, almost scooping up Noah as he brought his servo down to his waist. His optics waited for permission as to not startle the man. Noah didn’t want to be alone, he looked away from the bright optics that pierced through him. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Mirage carefully scooped up Noah and transformed, he didn’t change into the F1 car, rather he transformed into a Porsche that Noah could admire. The seat belt on already without him needing to click it on. Mirage began to drive, no end point in his processor but he knows that it takes two to tango if he wants Noah to open up. His spark was getting all hot in his chassis that it warmed up the car which felt comforting for Noah.

He relaxed in the seat.

‘I could get used to this…’

‘Okay Mirage, you’ve done this before, you just need to open up. Share something. Make him feel not alone…’

Flashback

Mirage was outnumbered and his optics felt glazed over as he was being dragged by his legs somewhere.

“If you can’t solve the problem, send it off somewhere else where we don’t have to worry about him anymore.” One of the bots cackled, what did they mean by that? Mirage was taken by a place he has only seen a few times but never been this close and personal, that’s when panic filled him.

End of Flashback

Chapter Text

‘Why does opening up to someone so hard? Why is it terrifying to just become vulnerable? It’s just Noah, he’s not going to judge or is he? Primus please help me!’ Mirage thought to himself as he turned onto a street which the lights were so beautiful, leaving the garage was so worth it. He missed seeing the beauty outside of concrete walls and outside of the stadium. Maybe he can convince Noah to just own him completely so he can live freely. Mirage used his mirror to check on Noah who seemed like he was in deep thought. He was always doing that and not letting Mirage in. 

‘Okay you got this, you got this, you got this,’ Mirage hyped himself up and he turned off the radio completely that was playing softly. Noah noticed and looked over. 

“So Noah, um… you still wanna know how I got to this nice rock y’know you call Earth?” Mirage nervously rambled, Noah cocked an eyebrow and pushed himself up, fixing his posture. “Yeah that would be cool to know.”

“So…” Mirage began, he let out a deep exhale, “You know that I was a racer back on my home planet.”

“Yeah I clearly remember that.”

Mirage remembered the vivid day, those servos forcing him down on the bridge. The day he fell from the sky and crashed somewhere foreign. 

“Well you will probably won’t go through this when you make enemies, but I caught the attention of some my own people and they didn’t like how cocky I would get with winning and they honestly were a bit of sore losers.” Mirage stated, he knows he still struggles with humbling himself at times, he just hopes Noah doesn’t become the same way. “One day after a race, when I stepped out for a party a bunch of other racers and even some of their fans jumped me and dragged me to the space bridge.”

“What’s a space bridge?”

“It’s a place on Cybertron that can make us teleport around to other locations. Back to the story though, they teleported me here knowing that there was no way for me to be able to come back home.” Noah’s eyes had widen slightly, sure he had his run with bullies and people messing with him but this sounded like a nightmare. He couldn’t imagine being sent off somewhere different with no way to be able to talk to his friends or family back at home. Mirage getting that off his chassis lightened the load a bit, he felt himself get a bit teary eyed. If he could go back in time, maybe he would have never joined the racing scene or maybe let those slags win a few races. Instead he let his pride consume him.

‘Would I have ever met Noah if I didn’t race?’ Mirage thought to himself as he stopped in some more quieter part of Japan, he kinda forgot where he was going and this was a lot less crowded. There was just houses with the occasional gas station, streets mostly clean. Then his spark nearly turned into a supernova as Noah ran his hand across the wheel, “Well at least you have me.”

“Yeah, I do.” Mirage choked out a bit, the seat belt tightened up against Noah’s chest slightly. Noah ran his fingers across the belt before he began, “Now I feel like I need to share something.”

“Don’t feel pressured to say anything.” Mirage wanted Noah to open up though desperately, after putting his vulnerable feelings out like that he wanted to feel equal now. He felt like it was selfish for wanting that but it was Noah and he wanted that man that felt like it was pushing the boundaries of just being friendly now. 

“So I was crying earlier and um… I was crying because I lost someone really important to me a while back,” Noah breathed and as he gripped the wheel a bit which made Mirage want to swerve but he kept his calm. “I sometimes think about him and I think of the last time I saw him and I just wished I had said something before he left.”

“Who was it?”

“My father.”

Flashback 

Joel was gripping the wheel as he was heading back home after dropping off some friends. It started snowing down hard and the visibility was next to impossible. Being careful and wary of black ice on the road. 

A picture of his wife and two sons pinned up to his radio, he smiled and thought of how excited he was to show Noah a late Christmas gift, scraping up a lot of money and finding a project within their means. Only a few miles away from home, he was getting close to the end of the ramp when he noticed a car swerving around next to him. He hit black ice as well. “Shit.”

The car next to him must haven’t had experience with driving on black ice either. The car next to him hit the back and those precious seconds felt like hours as the car began spinning out and eventually a rollover. Head banging against the door. 

End of Flashback

“Um I didn’t get much information when he first died but the person who was in the other car was a teenager who never drove on black ice before so his father felt bad for us and he had connections with this whole racing scene so I guess in a funny way, the only reason I am here is because of some pity blood money,” Noah forced a chuckle out, trying to find a way to make a joke to avoid crying. He may be opening up to Mirage but he wasn’t ready to full on cry in front of his friend just yet. Mirage didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t imagine losing someone so close to him. He continued, “I love racing and all but I feel like then and now that I need to prove myself, otherwise his death would mean nothing.”

Mirage felt bad as he didn’t know what to say at all, so many things going through his processor yet he didn’t know how to form a sentence. He didn’t want to say something and it just sound like pity. Noah noticed the silence and got insecure, tilting his head back to look at the roof. “Sorry, maybe I got a little too emotional there.”

“No, I just… I don’t have the right words, but I care about you. I am here for you and thank you for opening up, maybe I’m getting a little emotional too if that makes you feel any better,” Mirage murmured, adding that little joke at the end. Noah’s lips curled up a bit, his eyes watery to say the least. “Yeah, I understand that.”

Mirage began retracing the roads to bring Noah back to his hotel, leisurely driving back as he began opening up more, “Y’know, when this is all over, you think you can sneak me into New York? Let me stay with you? It does get pretty lonely.” 

“Raj’ it’s not like I can fit you in my luggage.”

…

Noah was back in his hotel room, Mirage dropped him off before speeding off to get back to the stadium before anyone can realise that he was missing. Noah still had no idea how such a large being could sneak out so easily especially with guards but after that balcony interaction he no longer had thoughts of it being impossible. He began getting lost in thought thinking about their interaction back where they both got emotional and began swapping stories. His face got hot with embarrassment because he wasn’t used to that. He was used to being closed off, pretending everything was okay and he was happy, not nearly crying in front of a friend he has barely known for over a week. 

He was lowering his guard, those optics engraved in his thoughts. His chest being lightly squeezed by the seat belt. Noah wasn’t sure how to feel about it really. 

‘I am in over my head, seriously Noah, can’t you just be normal?’ He thought to himself. Pursing his lips together while forcing his fingers through his curls, gritting his teeth as he accidentally tugged on knots. He was thinking about Mirage and Mirage wouldn’t get out of his mind. Mirage was becoming into some infection, the more he tried ignoring it the more it would spread and invade every single one of his thoughts. 

He tossed and turned in his bed before tossing the blankets over his head, trapping the heat and the smell of his sweat with him. 

‘Something is wrong with me, stop it. Stop it. STOP IT!’ Noah’s thoughts became an outburst of his deep seeded self hatred and denial. A bit more tossing and turning before he finally fell asleep.

When Noah woke up an hour before his alarm, he didn’t know what he had dreamt that night before. Sometimes he was just lucky that way where he could wake up without dealing with heavy amount of distress. 

“Mirage, I am heading on over in a bit, need to squeeze in some practice,” Noah muttered into the bracelet, forcing himself out of bed. He went straight to the bathroom planning to take a quick shower, go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. Do his usual bathroom routine with Mirage’s constantly talking.

“We doing some laps today? You’re just spoiling me aren’t ya?” Mirage giggled, the bracelet flashing the brilliant blue, the same as his optics. Mirage was back in the garage, rocking back and forth on his wheels. Excited and antsy for Noah to come back, especially after last night he began feeling strongly about the man. 

“Yeah indeed, I got the intentions of spoiling you today. A few laps, maybe a hangout after practice of just the two of us.” His shirt hit the floor and soon his boxers. “Can’t wait to get your hands all over me.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, you freak.” Cold shower it is then, something to calm down the burning in his body. The blood rush that he chooses to ignore because in his mind, it was disgusting, wrong, and most of all anxiety inducing. What if someone found out? What if his mother found out? What if his little brother found out? If his father was still around he would probably be disappointed. 

‘I am a man. I am not supposed to be this way. I need to be normal. I need to be perfect.”

That cold water hit and grit his teeth so hard that he may have cracked molars. 

“Hey are you good? You taking another cold shower? Why do you do that, it doesn’t seem like you like it.” Mirage commented as he felt Noah shudder through the bracelet. Over time Noah just kept the bracelet on because he felt guilty about sweating all over it. 

“It’s healthier for me,” Noah answered with no hesitation. The bot hummed as Noah scrubbed himself roughly, his skin turning nearly rag as he used the wash clothe roughly against himself. The suds falling to the tile floor. ‘Clean. Clean. Clean. I need to be clean. I am filthy, everything about me is filthy. I don’t want to be filthy. I want to be normal, not FILTHY.’

“Are we going to piss Michael off again?” Mirage cooed, snapping Noah out of his thoughts and his lips curled up a bit. “Nah, let’s have him win and we can start pulling back till the big day.”

“Your plan… is perfect.” The bot chuckled as he loved the sound of the plan. Noah’s body finally calmed down and he turned off the shower after rinsing the suds off. His skin burning slightly as he stepped out. He wandered out and snatched a towel off, drying himself up. Top to bottom. “But enough about racing, shall we hang out after hours? I can sneak out and pick you up like a true gentle-bot.” 

“Nah, let’s stick with the stadium. I don’t need someone finding that you are missing and then you come back, that will create a bunch of questions. I’ll just come over to you.” Noah started getting dressed, his boxers sticking uncomfortably against his damp skin. “Boo you are no fun.”

“Just being cautious.”

“Fun police.” Noah rolled his eyes, finishing getting dressed and began brushing his teeth. His mouth felt as filthy as his skin, cleaning more and roughly. The foam dripping from his mouth giving him a rabid look as he glared at his reflection. ‘Filthy.’

…

Noah was the first one at the garage, Mirage was being so blatantly obvious by rocking back and forth on his wheels.

“You’re here! Felt like forever since we have last saw each other.”

“We literally hung out last night.”

“Still felt like cycles, feeling my joints rust up,” Mirage joked exaggeratedly as Noah got around and carefully got in. “You are so over dramatic Raj’.”

“Oh you love it.”

Noah didn’t respond to that, they began to head out of the garage together. The sun hasn’t rose but the sky felt like it was bright. 

“So we are going top speed or what’s the game plan till others arrive?” Mirage cooed as he revved his engine, letting it purr and vibrate as his spark got hot in his chassis. He wanted to show off to Noah, go fast and maybe flaunt off his illusion ability and transform a bit while they are still alone. 

“Let’s just keep it safe for now, we can go crazy after hours when we know that we are both alone with no risk,” Noah answered, patting the wheel gently. He wonders how Mirage could look like a race car one day but look like a Porsche last night. “Gotcha, just know that tonight I am racing with you like there is no tomorrow.”

“I look forward to it then.” The seat belt tightened and Noah nearly let out a squeak as Mirage got too excited and instead of it tightening around the chest, it tightened everywhere. One thing that almost every driver hates about the seat belts was the one that going up against their groin, Noah felt the firm squeeze. He immediately fumbled with the seat belt and unbuckled it. “Noah are you okay? I’m sorry, did I squeeze too hard?”

Mirage didn’t know what area he had accidentally squeezed by accident, Noah got out of the car so fast as if the bot was engulfed in flames. 

“Noah are you okay?”

His voice sounded so far away as Noah began to choke on the air, scrambling to leave the tracks in a rush. 

“Noah!”

Flashback

“Noah! Come on what is your type man? You need to go out on a date already,” One of his classmates tease, Noah pursed his lips and gave an awkward grin. “I dunno, I mean I just not really interested in any of the girls. I may just wait till I’m older.”

“God you always say that, that’s so gay. Come on there has to be at least one girl who has caught your attention before.” Noah’s hands gripped his pants a bit, keeping up his poker face up. Being gay was wrong. It was filthy. He needs to find a girlfriend now. His eyes dart around looking for someone he could assimilate to. ‘I’m filthy, he will find out… he will find out.’

Noah’s chest felt like it was tightening by the second till he noticed a girl that he could say she was pretty but he felt no attraction to. 

“Don’t be too obvious but I used to have a crush on the girl a few rows up,” Noah lied, feigning a sheepish smile to keep up his image. ‘Why can’t I just like girls? It’s wrong, it’s disgusting, it’s filthy. Gay people have AIDS, I can’t have that, I can’t be dangerous. I’m disgusting and filthy!’

“Jess? She is so out of your league and she is dating the captain of the baseball team.” His voice felt like it was background as Noah tried to force himself to like his classmate Jessica in the same way he got those butterfly feelings with his male classmates. Tried focusing on her bust but it didn’t nothing, it was just fatty flesh that protruded out. Then he tried looking at her feminine makeup, the rosy lip stick, blushed cheeks and her high pitch laugh as she spoke with her friends. 

Noah felt nothing. 

“Man don’t tell me you still like her?” His classmate snapped Noah out of his thoughts and Noah had to lie again, grateful he wasn’t like Pinocchio, his nose would be far past the stars at this rate of how much lies he says. “Kinda, I know that I shouldn’t though.”

“You are so hopeless.”

End of Flashback

‘Mirage can’t find out about this, I’m filthy. He will be disgusted.’ Noah thought to himself as he began leaving the area, getting into his car. Mirage went to the garage, forced to give up pursuing his friend. 

Noah probably went over the speed limit just to get back to his hotel, tears welling up in his eyes. He felt weak, shameful and disgusted by how his body reacted, he was disgusted by how much he enjoyed it. The seat belt tightening against his groin, his face hot with shame as he parked crookedly in his spot. Marching his way to his room, a cold shower wouldn’t be enough this time. He took off the bracelet and stuck it in the closet as he didn’t need Mirage hearing him or feeling his skin anymore. 

Mirage back in the garage felt that disconnection and his spark ached so badly, he knew he messed up so badly, his processor rushing a mile a minute trying to figure out what did he do wrong. Maybe he squeezed too tightly and it scared Noah? Was he being too obvious? 

Chapter Text

It’s disgusting, pathetic, shameful as Noah hides his face within the pillow. The crumpled tissues in the trashcan next to him, evidence of his crime. Tears, drool, and sweat coated his pillow as he quietly cried into it. The muffled cries that made his body shudder with each breath. Laying naked beneath the sheets as he knew that him feeling this way was wrong. The phone rang on his wall, he sluggishly turned his head to look at it.

Noah pursed his lips, he pushed himself out of bed and began making his way over. Picking the phone up knowing what he was going to hear.

“Diaz is there a certain reason you are not at practice?” Robert asked, Noah rubbed his face and stated, “I’m not feeling so hot Robert, I want to make sure that it isn’t anything serious so I don’t get anyone else sick.”

“Yeesh you sound like shit. Rest up, try to practice more tomorrow if you feel better.”

“Thanks Robert, sorry for not being able to come. I think it was something I ate.” Noah lied, the lies only got easier to say with time and experience. He didn’t want to talk to anyone today, he glanced over at the closet where the bracelet was. Mirage. Robert was talking on but he was thinking about why he was practically playing hooky like a teenager all because of Mirage.

Eventually he placed the phone back on the wall and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the doors of the closet. He felt disgusted sitting there, fully nude with his body. His skin crawling, getting up and getting closer to the closet felt like he was walking to his doom. He opened the doors and the faint blue glow of the bracelet. Should he?

His hand hovers above it, debating on grabbing it and placing it back on his wrist. His mind feeling like it was twisting and pulling in opposite directions. He wants to continue to run away but the other side that he kept suppressed wanted to indulge, no one could know about it. No one knows that Mirage exists either. His hands feel suddenly hot and sweaty as if the gift radiated heat and warmth.

‘Why me? Why HIM!’ Noah thought to himself, biting the inside of his cheek. His brows furrowed a bit, fingertips making contact with the bracelet and he nearly pulled back as Mirage spoke up, “I’m so sorry Noah, I just got to excited and if I hurt you in any way I completely understand why you hate me now and don’t want anything to do with me, I just-”

“Raj’.” Noah had to cut off Mirage’s rambling, he could hear the static in the bot’s voice and how he stuttered on some words. “Just… don’t do that again, the fully body squeeze.”

“Okay, I’m sorry Noah.” Mirage sounded like he was about to cry. Noah wanted to respond with ‘It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it’ but there was still that feeling of shame with how he reacted that morning. That sticky shame that came with Noah, he didn’t want to be this way yet when time had came and he figured why he wasn’t attracted to women, he hid. He hid like a frightened animal.

“I’m not coming after hours.”

“I understand,” Mirage tried to hide the disappointment but he still sounded like a puppy whom was kicked. Both decided to just not talk with each other.

It was around 8 pm when Noah’s stomach ached for something to eat, he hasn’t eaten anything since the night before, his stomach was growling loudly. He couldn’t find himself to get out of bed though, wallowing in a depressive state. The self hatred consuming him, all the shame in his body boiling up. If he had stayed longer inside of the seatbelt Mirage would have been able to feel his excitement.

All these years of avoiding doing anything after his one extremely miserable failed attempt to trying to have sex with a woman but he couldn’t even get it up, later deciding to just commit to celibacy for the rest of his life to avoid that embarrassment again.

“Noah?”

His thoughts were interrupted by his friend’s voice. He took a silent note of the slight static and subtle robot tone in Mirage’s voice almost keeping it in memory.

“Yes Raj’.”

“Did I hurt you?” Noah blinked, the full body squeeze gave him no physical pain at all but he didn’t want to explain the truth of why he freaked out so badly. “Yeah, a bit. You squeezed to hard and I could have handled it if it was just my chest but the full body squeeze hurt a lot more in other places.”

Meanwhile back in the garage that was nearly empty besides Mirage and the other race cars. The bot was sitting against the wall, his optics dimming and his spark ached with regret for getting so excited then hurting the person whom he cared a lot about. His optics felt all wet and he knew that he was going to cry if he didn’t get himself together.

‘I hurt him… Primus he must hate me now. I’m such a fragging glitch. I should have been more careful, he is more fragile than me, what was I thinking?’

Mirage wanted to sulk, maybe run away from this whole racing scene after their deal was over. Noah noticed the long silence and he spoke up, “I’m not mad, I just need some space. Tomorrow I’ll be back.”

‘You say that now but what if I mess up again?’

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night.”

“Night.” Noah frowned after the glow of the bracelet was dimming, it wasn’t glowing that brilliant blue. He took a note that all the times it has gotten bright was when Mirage was feeling strong outward emotions. It also lacked the warmth and it felt cold.

Mirage temporarily cut the entire connection of the piece of himself that was Noah so he could curl up into the fetal position then let out shaky sobs, his frame shuddering with each extake. He didn’t want Noah hearing him crying, even though he opened up and presented a vulnerable side of him.

Why is it he spends hundreds of years with his own kind and never feel this way that he feels with a human he has barely known for 2 weeks? Primus must hate him and this was his punishment of the years of youth and hubris. A sick joke to fall for someone who wasn’t the same species as him, to fall for someone who’s life span was significantly shorter than his.

‘Why am I still here?’ Mirage thinks to himself, not as in location but himself.

‘Why am I still here?’ Noah thought to himself, confused of what was going on with his feelings and head. Running his hands along his face. Frustrating to why this had to be crashing down on him all over again.

He didn’t know know when he had fallen asleep but he woke up in cold sweat and his stomach was hurting way too much to ignore now. Wrapping his lower half with a sheet to avoid exposing his junk to the cold air.

“Fuck I need to eat.” Noah muttered as he got out of bed, he was heading over to the mini fridge when he looked at the balcony, almost hoping that Mirage would be out there. One thing that he noticed was that something was there. His helmet.

Noah remembered that he had left his helmet back at the stadium, tossing it and he remembered seeing Mirage grabbing it. His lips threatened to tug up, but he just sighed and headed over. He opened the doors and glanced around, maybe Mirage was there.

He looked in one direction, something in his gut told him to look that way. A standstill. A beat past till he finally grabbed his helmet from the floor and turning to head back into his room. He quickly ate something before going back to sleep after soothing those hunger pains. His mind then drifted to those blue optics. He was doomed.

Dream

Noah was in his garage back at home in New York working at his bench, everything felt so real. Tinkering and fixing up a car engine, it felt all normal like back in high school when he would occasionally tune up his friend’s cars because he really knew his way around.

He turned around and nearly dropped the machinery in his hands once he laid his eyes on the vehicle he was working on

End of dream

Noah gasped as he sat up abruptly, he noticed that there was an hour before his alarm would technically go off. He didn’t want to think about practice now, he also noticed that he was dealing with a slight situation again. Cold shower it is again.

“Fuck…” He groaned as he fell back, silver and blue car was on his mind now. Those blue optics seared into every single thought.

…

Noah was walking into the garage avoiding the other drivers, Robert was sitting up against Mirage. He fought the urge to grimace because he just knew that Mirage wasn’t happy with being treated as just a car.

“I see you are feeling better Noah, you ready to take this girl for a spin?” Another strike, Noah didn’t know how Mirage would feel about that. He gave Robert a half smile before shrugging, “Yeah, I think today I need it a lot. I will make sure to push myself a bit harder.”

“Good we can’t have you make a fool of yourself on the big day.”

“Yeah,” Noah muttered just trying to get to Mirage before the bot could blow a gasket. He gets inside and murmurs, “Don’t worry I gotcha, not letting my boy hang again like that.”

Robert was in ear shot of that bit and he just frowned slightly before going to where the rest of the crew was. Noah drove out and Mirage was really quiet and there was none of the seat belt squeezing at least yet. He made sure to keep the crotch part of the seat belt a bit loose to avoid yesterday.

“I see you are back, you play hooky or somethin’ Mr. Diaz,” Michael’s voice came out, Noah immediately scowled. Great way to start practice today. “Just ate something that didn’t agree with me but I will gladly beat you in the race.”

He didn’t know how the German racer reacted but he just heard a huff and loud footsteps fading away.

“Hey you awake Raj’?” He whispered as he sunk into his seat a bit and made sure that no one was too close to hear him or Mirage talk. It took a second but Mirage responded, “Yeah, I’m awake.”

“You have been really quiet.” Just a comment, nothing else like asking why because he had a feeling that he knew why. There was no response though, Noah pursed his lips as he fixed his gloves a bit before getting ready to drive.

‘I’m not mad at you, why are you being so quiet?’

…

Practice went smooth but Mirage was noticeably a lot more quiet than usual, it was almost uncomfortable with how little he spoke. It was after hours and he snuck back into the stadium once lights were out, he used the light of his bracelet to wander through the dark building then into the garage where he flipped the lights on.

“Okay Mirage transform we need to have a conversation,” Noah called out as he stopped in front of the bot in his alt form. Mirage took a moment as he reluctantly transformed, he was sitting before his friend.

“Raj’ I am not mad or upset with you, I was just uncomfortable and I had a big reaction,” Noah stated firmly while maintaining eye contact, moving slightly to make sure that he was still maintaining contact even with Mirage’s optics trying to avert away. There was clear shame in those optics. “Mirage, acknowledge me.”

“I know… I just…” Mirage struggled to find the words as he waved his servo a bit, trying to find a way to explain his feelings. Noah had every excuse to run away yesterday but Mirage didn’t want to do something to completely scare off his only friend on this planet. Being stranded out here for nearly 10 years wasn’t easy. Waiting for someone back home to figure out where he had disappeared off to. Noah was his only escape now from this false banishment.

“Raj’ I’m not mad.” His hand hesitantly placed on top of Mirage’s leg, Noah really didn’t know where to place his hand but figured the lower leg would work since the servos were moving around a lot. “Are you sure?”

“Completely, now let’s go do some actual laps on the road,” Noah chuckled as his lips curled up into a hopeful smile, Mirage’s dermas almost mirrored Noah’s as he got up to his feet. He was ready, he scooped up Noah whom squeaked by the sudden lift up.

‘What is wrong with me? Why am I getting all excited and giddy?’ Noah thought to himself, his work uniform feeling like it was getting tighter in certain spot all because he was lifted up as if he weighed nothing. He probably didn’t weigh that much to Mirage. His heart was pumping hard almost mimicking how Mirage’s spark got hot and bright within his chassis. ‘I’m so doomed, why him? Why am I carrying him? He is perfectly capable of walking.’

The servos weren’t budging though as they head out to the track. Eventually they made it to the tracks and Mirage transformed almost seamlessly with Noah inside, the man was still a bit shocked but he buckled in. His face feeling a bit warm, he wanted to get out, run away like the day before but he decided to swallow his shame for once and just pretend that everything was fine. Clenching his legs tightly and trying to redirect the blood flow some where else so Mirage wouldn’t notice his situation.

“You ready Noah?” Mirage chirped, he was still a bit nervous with Noah wanting to hop out of the car and leaving him but he needed to just relax. He did notice the weird muscle flexing but he just assumed maybe it was a normal human thing. “Yeah, just start when you are ready.”

Noah’s voice came out a bit strained and he had a forced smile at the moment, his thighs flexing and his fidgeting becoming more obvious. Only he could feel the uncomfortable strain of fabric against his skin. Mirage wanted say something or anything, he didn’t know why Noah looked so uncomfortable and awkward.

He decided to just drive, soon Noah relaxed a bit and he gripped the wheel tightly. Mirage most definitely felt that, his steering drifting slightly skewed. His spark getting so hot that Noah felt his feet warm up.

“Hey Raj’ you heating up or something? My feet feel hot.” He commented as last time this had happened his feet got so genuinely sweaty that his socks were practically soaked through. “Sorry, involuntary, if you ease up your grip I can cool down a bit.”

‘What does my grip have to do with him heating up?’ Noah thought to himself before he remembered that Mirage could feel EVERYTHING. Every little shuffles, every touch, every hit, everything. He assumed as he loosened his grip, ‘That must hurt then, fuck I can’t do that on game days then. I’m sorry.’

‘No no no no, tighten your grip. I… I… Stop listening to what I said,’ Mirage’s processor felt like it was going wild then began to wander to thinking about Noah’s hands messing with his wires, his spark then got cooler for Noah’s sake since the grip loosened. He felt almost pathetic for wanting Noah to just touch him, he craved physical contact specifically from Noah. Not feeling Robert or some strangers feeling up his more sensitive parts. He then had an epiphany as he made a harsh right turn, speeding up more. ‘I want him. All of him.’

Sharp turns, speeding up as that engine was hissing, and Noah almost guiding along getting used to Mirage’s pace.

“Noah don’t freak out!” Mirage shouted over the roar of his own engine. It wasn’t a good time for Noah to register because not even a second later, the bot transformed in such way where his momentum was still forcing him forward. His arms flailed awkwardly, Mirage made sure not to drop Noah. They were still in motion, Mirage was running with his man in his arms and Noah felt terrified and clung as tightly as possible onto him.

When they came to an eventual stop Noah was shaking in Mirage’s arms, all wide eyed and he let out a nervous laugh, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“What was that?” Mirage looked down and his dermas curled up. “Well back on Cybertron, racing isn’t just me in my alt form, it’s a mix, its exhilarating. How are you feeling?”

“I feel like I need to sit down,” Noah stated as he was set down, his legs shaky so violently that Mirage’s servos hovered on by ready to catch him in case if he collapsed. His heart racing with so much adrenaline that he swore that he’d go into cardiac arrest at a moment’s notice. He managed to sit down, Mirage joined him and they both laid on their back staring up at the sky, the stars were all around. Soon wandering optics landed upon the man. It was peacefully silent now.

“The stars are beautiful, aren’t they?” Noah asked, his hands crossed over his chest. His eyes focused on the scattered stars that glittered. Mirage just hummed, “Mhm.”

Scanning all the freckles on Noah’s face and trying to memorise all of the dots. His optics glowing brighter like his spark, staring at his friend filled him with so much joy.

After Noah left to go back to his hotel room, Mirage went back to the garage. Filthy, lewd thoughts crossing his processor, he knew it was normal for him but it was just odd that he felt this way about a human. He has seen plenty of humans before but Noah… yeah Noah had a special place in his spark, all of these years of no interfacing was leading him to get a bit pent up.

His modesty panel was irritating, he needed some relief. He wanted to indulge in filthy acts but the difference between him and Noah was that he felt little to no shame in his feelings.

Chapter Text

Mirage never really dreams that often, he usually forgot what he had dreamt the nights before anyways so he doesn’t know why he clearly remembered the dream where it made him cross his legs together metaphorically speaking since he was in his alt mode. His spark feeling so hot and weak at the same time.

Dream retelling

Mirage was in his usual form, legs scrawled back and leaning back on his forearm plates. His optics staring down at the man he has began to get smitten with. Noah’s warm and much softer hands roaming along the long sleek metal legs. Streaking across the wires.

“Raj’…” Noah whispered, his voice sounding sultry and honeyed. That modesty panel feeling like it was seconds away from bursting open to let Noah do whatever he’d like. The bot had it down bad, he didn’t like other humans but something about him got his spark in for a whirl.

“Noah…” He responded, his voice barely a shaky whisper. Things were going to get a bit exciting, as Noah’s fingers traced delicately across the panel gently as if it was fragile. It began to make a noise as it was going to uncover itself and…

End of Dream

Mirage was woken up by someone sitting on his hood again and it wasn’t Noah. It was Robert… He was beginning to hate Robert sitting on top of him constantly, Robert wouldn’t like if he was sat on. He didn’t even realise how long he was in stasis for, he thought Noah calling him in the morning would wake him up but his dream was getting pretty interesting. His modesty panel did feel rather bothersome as a poor side effect of the dream.

That dry spell was beginning to annoy him a lot.

“Noah, you ready for the big race day today? With how you have practicing these past few days, I think it’s safe to say you got it in the bag.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a safe assumption to make Robbie,” Noah chuckled as he dragged his fingertips across the smooth metal, “Come on man get off him.”

Mirage was pleased to hear Noah trying to get Robert off. Robert slide off the hood and rose his hands.

“Damn man, didn’t know that I upset you. I’ll leave you and your date alone.”

Something sparked in Mirage’s processor, a date… A date… He wants, no needs to go on a date with his companion now. He wants to…

“Alright Robbie way to make it weird,” Noah chuckled, his cheeks a bit flushed but he sounded almost uncomfortable and he just gets in Mirage, but the bot was quick to notice how tense he was. The way that his palms suddenly got sweaty against his wheel.

‘What’s wrong? Why is he acting like this?’ He would have asked aloud if Robert wasn’t standing so annoyingly close.

“Why do you even call the car a ‘he’? Most guys call their cars she and stuff,” Robert asked, leaning against Mirage again. He was really beginning to hate this human. Noah shrugged and lied, “Dunno, this car just exudes male energy y’know?”

“No I don’t know.”

The banter went a bit back and forth till they made their way to the tracks. Robert went off to the rest of the crew while Noah began putting on his gloves and helmet. Mirage was beginning to find the whole racer uniform thing a bit attractive the more he thought about it, he was beginning to see the appeal why the human girls scream whenever Noah got close by. By human standards he was attractive similar to how Mirage in Cybertronian standards was considered hot.

“You ready to make Michael eat dust today? Raj’?” Noah whispered against the wheel, the roar of the fans waiting outside of the stadium loud as ever. An hour early till opening time, Mirage’s wheels turning against the floor as they made their way to the tracks. “You best know it, no one is going to disrespect my boy and think he will ever beat you. Not on my watch.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” Noah chuckled as he patted the wheel softly, “Remember our game plan, don’t go overboard.”

“I know I know, we went over it the past few days during our lil after hour sessions.” Noah rolled his eyes as his lips pulled up at the corners, he could hear that shit eating grin in Mirage’s tone. ‘I swear you are going to be the death of me if I let you be.’

They came to a smooth stop once they got onto their position on the track, the other drivers were talking with their crew.

“Okay I will be back Raj’.” Noah muttered as he got out and begin heading over to his own crew where Robert was talking with the others. Blue and white uniforms, before looking over at Noah who was jogging over.

“Diaz, hey I was just telling everyone about how your car is a guy,” Robert joked as he elbowed the driver, Noah forced a smile and waved him off.

“You going to take your car to the bar for some beers?”

“You gonna talk about girls with the car?”

A bunch of jokes poking at Noah, at least it was better than Robert’s comment earlier of Mirage being his date. He didn’t mind the homie car jokes they were amusing if anything.

“Totally I’m taking Raj’ to the bar,” Noah joked back before he realised he slipped up.

“Oh you named your car? Damn you are really a car enthusiast aren’t cha?” One of the other guys laugh, his name tag read Chad. “Raj’? I thought you were Hispanic, not Hindi.”

“Oh I’m not, Raj’ is short for Mirage y’know,” Noah chuckled trying to cover up his tracks a bit but failing miserably, he can’t reveal his friends cover so might as well portray himself as some cheesy straight dude that names their cars.

“Why Mirage?”

“I was thinking that name because after the shiny silver on the rims, reminded me of desert mirages.” Noah explained, it was so shitty but he ran with it and hoping it stuck with the others. Luckily it did. The banter kept on going back and forth till Noah eventually made his way to the lockers for a quick drink of water and bathroom break so he wouldn’t be distracted while racing. His palms felt sweaty as they glided on the door knob on the bathroom, he quickly closed the door behind him.

He had gotten ready like usual today, he was excited for the race but those words were ringing in his mind. Making him feel nauseous with paranoia, Robert didn’t know that he was gay but that comment calling Mirage his date made him feel scared that everyone could see how truly filthy he was. Wanting a man instead of a woman, something so unnatural, something faulty in his genes.

Noah couldn’t help thinking at night about Mirage; those servos, dermas, the optics, the way he gets all pouty when Noah has to go back to his hotel room so he can rest. The bot didn’t make it any easier with all those jokes.

‘I’m disgusting,’ Noah thought to himself as he stepped up to the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. Women wanted him, but he could never find himself wanting to be with one. He then came to another issue that he realized he glossed over, Mirage was not only 3 times his size but not even human. His face got hot in embarrassment.

“You are such a mess Noah,” Noah sighed as he pressed his forehead to the mirror, not even daring to add his last name because he felt like it was disrespectful to his late father who wanted grand kids. How could he even have children of his own if he couldn’t love a woman? He released a deep breath before leaving the sink to use the bathroom for his original reason.

…

Noah came back into sun light, uniform fully on and helmet under his arm. The sound hit him, people shouting and cheering as the other drivers made their way to their vehicles. Mirage was just sitting out in the sun, in his alt form. ‘Second race, beat Michael. Don’t let him get to you.’

Getting into the car and began buckling up, he mute his line so his crew couldn’t hear him talking to Mirage. They didn’t know this obviously, it wasn’t important to talk with them that often because Mirage didn’t need any tune ups or anything.

“You ready to show them what you are made of Raj’?” Noah asked as he began buckling himself up. “Ready as always and we are going to show them what we are made of.”

We…

“Yeah…” Noah whispered as he smiled a bit, Mirage noticed this. The bot’s spark flared up a bit, he wanted to do anything to see him smile like that again. He was soon disappointed when Noah placed his helmet on, shielding his face. Placing on his gloves afterwards.

He felt the weight being placed on his shoulders, he knew that he would win with the advantage of having Mirage but something just doesn’t feel right. That gut feeling he couldn’t really understand. His hands went to the wheel after double checking his safety.

“You got this Noah…” Mirage’s voice felt like it was fading into the distance.

Flashback

Noah giggled and answered, “One day, I will be number one. I want to be on top and once I get there will you be proud of me?”

“I am always proud of you chamaco,” Joel chuckled as he pushed his son’s curls back to kiss him on the forehead, “No matter what you do and what place you are in, as long as you are happy I am proud.”

“But I haven’t won yet!”

“Winning doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t happy Noah.” Joel mused, he knew that his son has yet to understand the true meaning of winning something. How could a boy understand truly?

“But it does, why would I be on the track anyway if not to win. Everyone will eat my dust.” The little boy giggled as he kept on fidgeting around. “Ay you are not listening to me, if you keep on running forwards like that you will find yourself going backwards.”

“Backwards? You’re silly papa, how could I be going backwards?”

End of Flashback

“Noah you ready?” Mirage’s voice snapped him out of memory lane, Noah nodded as he focused back on reality. He noticed the flag about to drop, the roar of engines and crowds all sounding the same at this rate. His hands gripped the wheel firmly, staring at the person with the flag. Ready to shove his foot on the gas.

‘83 laps.’

“83 laps Raj’,” Noah murmured, his thumb rubbing against the stitches of the wheel. His heart feeling like it was hammering against his chest like he ran a marathon, the adrenaline hitting him before the race actually started.

The flag dropped and cars immediately become blurs, machines racing forward into turns, into a routine. Mirage and Noah almost fell into their routine, their after hour training sessions together. Their long planning before hand.

82 laps left, the smooth control of Noah driving, each turn feeling smooth. The flow state he was in that ran through his veins. He was in the 4th position. Silently he began counting down every single lap.

81 laps left

80 laps left

79 laps left

78 laps left

77 laps left

76 laps left

75 laps left

74 laps left

73 laps left

72 laps left

71 laps left

70 laps left, Mirage began cracking the occasional jokes as they raced together in tandem. The seat belt tightening around Noah’s chest a bit, this time it wasn’t like the day Noah panicked. They had advanced into the 3rd position. There was no rush to get in the front

69 laps left

68 laps left

67 laps left

66 laps left

65 laps left

64 laps left

63 laps left

62 laps left

61 laps left

60 laps left, they were in that zone.

“Noah, do you want to take a break I can trade control with you,” Mirage asked, almost itching to get into the race himself. Being able to make the other racers eat his dust was on his processor. Noah let go of the wheel and responded, “Go ahead.”

59 laps left, advance another spot. Current position 2nd.

58 laps left

57 laps left

56 laps left

55 laps left

54 laps left

53 laps left

52 laps left

51 laps left

50 laps left

49 laps left

48 laps left

47 laps left

46 laps left

45 laps left

44 laps left

43 laps left

42 laps left

41 laps left

Half way done and Noah felt his heart racing like how he was racing along with Mirage. Him and Michael battling for that first spot.

39 laps left

38 laps left

37 laps left

36 laps left

35 laps left

34 laps left

33 laps left

32 laps left

31 laps left

30 laps left

29 laps left

28 laps left

27 laps left

26 laps left

25 laps left

24 laps left

23 laps left, his mind began to drift a bit…

22 laps left, this lap felt repetitive like all the others but soon he felt himself get lost within his own memories. Thinking about his father, his mother, and his brother. He remember the first time he had held Kris in his arms. When his father took him to see his first race. He was so lost in his memories and thankful that Mirage was driving because he wasn’t truly in tone with reality.

13 laps left

12 laps left

11 laps left

10 laps left, now was when the stakes began to rise more.

“Okay Mirage, we are getting close to that final stretch, remember what we had rehearsed,” Noah whispered against the wheel, Mirage wish that helmet was off so he could feel the tickle of the man’s breath against his leather wheel. “Don’t worry Noah I gotcha.”

9 laps left

8 laps left

7 laps left

6 laps left

5 laps left

4 laps left

3 laps left

2 laps left

Final lap, Michael was pissed and seething. Nose to nose fighting for that last spot. Mirage enjoying the teasing.

“Wow I can’ believe how close this is getting I wonder who will win this,” The announcer shouted on the speaker over the sound of the excited fans. Noah grinned under his helmet, he knew who would win. They were nearing the last turn when Mirage gradually sped up making sure that it wasn’t abrupt. That subtle increase of space. That checkered flag signaling their easy win.

“C’mon Raj’ we got this,” Noah chuckled as his hands tightened on the wheel a wee bit too hard which caused the bot to surge forward a bit too abruptly, crossing the line sending everyone in loud cheers and screams of excitement. Other cars fell in suit.

“Shit Raj’ what was that?” Noah whisper shouted.

“You squeezed my wheel too tightly!”

“Oh shit sorry!” Noah spoke as he took his helmet off, his hair plastered to his face with sweat. He needed a shower when he got back to his hotel room.

“Diaz you won again you cheeky dog, that was such a close one!” Robert laughed as the rest of his team gathered around, forcing Mirage to stay silent and left out. “C’mon Diaz, come with us and get drinks! You need something to celebrate.”

There was so much going on that Noah accidentally agreed to go to the bar, he was ushered off to the photographs. Those flashing lights, hands reaching out to him, and Mirage almost fading into the distance.

…

Noah felt like an outsider, his crew all joking and drinking while flirting with the local women. Some of the women were repulsed and stayed away from them, he felt embarrassed to be around these men.

“C’mon Diaz, don’t you wanna take one of these girls out? They are perfect,” One of the man howled right into Noah’s ear making him wince at the unnecessarily loud volume. Noah just shrugged awkwardly and scanned around the room as if he was trying to find a woman he was interested in. The local men were really the only thing that caught his eyes but he wasn’t willing to admit that and out himself. “Dunno, I can’t really find one. But hey that leaves more options for you guys.”

“You know what yeah, more options for the rest,” The man slurred as he left Noah alone.

Noah was nursing his drink that he barely touched, he didn’t really like alcohol all that much. He preferred being in the moment, not lost in his feels. Last time he drank he accidentally cried to one of his childhood friends about being lonely and feeling unloved. He narrowly avoided coming out of the closet to Reek thankfully.

Everyone in the crew were just drinking up and having fun as Noah felt like an outsider. It didn’t feel natural for him to be here.

“Hello handsome,” A girl walked up and touched his shoulder, Noah immediately felt awkward not only because it was a woman but she was obviously drunk. “Hi ma’am.”

“Do you have a lady?”

‘No I definitely don’t.’ Noah thought to himself as he leaned away from her touch, his hand going to wrist to move her hand. His mind wandered to a certain blue optics and he lied, “Yeah, I am taken.”

“She doesn’t have to know.” Noah noticed that this was a fan of his which made him feel even more awkward because she was wearing not only his uniform colours but the shirt blatantly had a F1 logo. Noah repeated, “I have a girlfriend and I prefer not to cheat.”

“Boo you are no fun.” The girl pouted before eventually leaving him alone, yeah that was a sign for him to leave before any other weird fan girls tried shooting their shot with him.

…

No one was at the stadium when Noah arrived, not even janitors which was surprising but regardless he slipped into the garage. If he was going to celebrate his victory, he wants to celebrate with the one who helped him win.

“Raj’ you still awake?” Noah whispered out, fumbling around for a light switch. The bot transformed and his optics gave his position away. Noah’s face lit up and his heart began to race in his chest. He finally managed to turn on the lights.

“How was the bar?” Mirage asked, he seemed… disappointed about something. Noah brushed it off a bit before answering truthfully, “It sucked a lot. Didn’t really feel like staying around really. Plus hanging out with you feels a lot better.”

“I’m glad to know you like my company,” Mirage murmured.

“Something wrong Raj’?” Noah asked, he was used to have the bot have a lot of energy and being a wee bit touchy but now the bot seemed to put distance between them. Did something happen while they were apart?

“Oh it’s nothing it’s a bit stupid really.”

“Well if that’s the case there is no issue with sharing right?” Noah was avoiding pushing any boundaries but he didn’t want Mirage to feel like he had to bottle up his feelings. He took a few steps forward and craned his head back to make eye contact with the bot. Mirage began to rub the back of his helm with his servo as he started, “I didn’t know you had a partner.”

Noah’s eyes bulged out and he let out a nervous laugh out. He forgot the Mirage could hear him talking with others with the bracelet. He needed to be more mindful and aware about that.

“Raj’ I was lying, I don’t have a girlfriend,” He explained as he winced at the idea of ever trying that rodeo ever again, “I made that up because a girl at the bar was trying to get into my pants. Yeah know, love isn’t really my thing anyways. I tried before and it’s just…”

“Oh,” Mirage stated, he felt a bit better now but then he made another assumption. Noah must be aromantic. “Oh I understand you are aromantic.”

“What? No, I still get those feelings but I just can’t…” Noah cut himself off because he didn’t want to out himself to Mirage, there was a fine line that they were treading. He decided to just spin the conversation around to be more directed to Mirage, “Are you aromantic?”

“Phht definitely not, I’ve date bots and femmes.” Mirage chuckled casually as he waved his hand, the two began walking out the garage. Noah didn’t comprehend what Mirage had said till he thought about it. He stopped in his tracks a few paces behind the bot and he asked, “Wait what?”

“Hm?”

“Bots and femmes, as in like men and women,” Noah went on, he didn’t know how Mirage could just casually say that without being a completely mess. Mirage chuckled and joked a bit, “Yeah, I’m not really picky when it comes to gender orientation or anything do you?”

“It’s not really acceptable here to like the same gender as you, I mean people say its gross and dangerous,” Noah went on a bit, he knew that he himself was filthy for liking only men but how could Mirage not feel the same way?

“I mean that’s definitely different, man on Cybertron no one really cares you just y’know respect their choice. There’s nothing really gross or dangerous about loving someone. Do you think it’s gross?” Mirage frowned a bit and then he felt a bit nervous, he didn’t think anything about how often he saw women and man together, he didn’t really wonder why he didn’t see two men together or two women together.

“I mean, that’s what I was taught and I-”

“Noah do you think I’m gross and dangerous?” Mirage asked. Noah’s hands felt like they were trembling, he didn’t find him gross in the slightest and he knew that Mirage would never hurt him either. There was an uncomfortable stillness in the air as he yet to answer, Mirage’s optics dimmed and he was about to step back creating more space between them.

“No.” Noah finally answered, “I don’t.”

The self loathing thoughts were about to start bubbling up before Mirage asked, “Do you view yourself that way?”

“What no? I am completely normal, I am not… I’m into girls, end of story,” Noah blurted out as he waved his hand before walking to the tracks hoping that Mirage would drop it but the bot could see right through him.

“Liar,” Mirage muttered, his arms crossing over his chassis as he watched Noah’s shoulder’s tensed up and the sharp turn around. Mirage could see the fury in his eyes but he didn’t care because he didn’t like how Noah was hiding himself.

“Well unlike on your planet, I can’t like men freely so I am just stuck forcing myself to to…” He trailed his words a bit trying to find a way to describe himself, “I need to be normal.”

“Being normal is hiding yourself now?” Mirage questioned stepping up to Noah, the man looked like he wanted to scream and yell at him.

“I can’t because my version of love is filthy, it’s disgusting and dangerous. Gay men get AIDS and that’s not curable, my mother and brother need me. So if that means never being with who I want to be with so be it!” Noah felt embarrassment creep up in him as his voice cracked and his eyes felt like they were getting hot. “I can’t be who I want to be because then I will lose everyone and everything.”

“I’d still be here.” Mirage reached his servo down, his digits nearly grazing the curls on Noah’s head. Hot tears began to slip, Noah was really bad keeping secrets apparently but it didn’t help how comfortable he felt with him. Around him maybe he could feel the weight of his self hatred lift off of him, maybe he could feel less filthy.

Chapter Text

‘He knows.’ Noah glared at the ceiling, his lips pursed together and his hands resting on his chest. ‘Raj’ knows, he knows my dirty secret. Someone finally knows.’

He knew that he should feel fear but instead he felt relief. One person knew at least, he wasn’t completely alone plus Mirage didn’t view him like how other people would. 

‘I wish I was born on Cybertron, must be nice to actually love who you want to love without judgment.’ Noah turned over, his face scrunched up in frustration. 

“You good Noah?” Mirage spoke up, he could feel Noah tossing and turning. “Yeah I’m fine Raj’.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Okay no I’m not fine. Just… how is it fine to be…” Noah couldn’t find himself to say it. “Gay?”

“Yes, how is it fine to be that there and not here?” 

“I don’t know, I mean it’s natural and its not… wait why is not normal here in the first place?” Mirage tried to answer but he didn’t even know why it was okay on his planet and not on earth. Humans are funny in that way for dictating liking the same gender was wrong. 

“Well where do I start I mean there’s a book that says it’s wrong and-”

“What? You guys let a book dictate who you are supposed to love?” Mirage snorted thinking it was a joke but then he murmured, “Don’t tell me you are serious…”

“Well yes, it’s states that it’s supposed to be man and women together,” Noah tried to continue but Mirage would interrupt again, “So maybe you could just change genders. I mean I can do that easily if I want to.”

There was so much to unpack with that but Noah didn’t even want to bother on asking how that was possible but then he remembered that he was technically talking to an alien. Logic wasn’t something he wanted to be questioning.

“Mirage it’s not that simple plus that’s probably even more unacceptable, but a lot of people base how they should live on that book. Plus loving someone of the same gender stops reproduction. Even if they decide to have a child people seem to think that we’d brainwash them into being like us,” Noah explained hoping that Mirage would quit interrupting him. So far so good. “It’s seen as anti-family and a choice. Hell I wish it was a choice because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be normal.”

“You are normal Noah,” Mirage whispered, the bracelet getting warm. Noah gripped the blankets tightly and he responded, “I wish I could feel the same about that but I just can’t.” 

…

“So Noah Diaz, how did this win feel? You were neck to neck with Michael Schumacher for almost majority of that race and despite all odds you beat him last minute,” One of the reporters asked Noah, shoving the mic towards him a bit too over zealously. He leaned back in his chair a bit having a relaxed pose. This is one thing he was not the biggest fan of now that he was getting placed under the spotlight for. “Well I thought for a second I wouldn’t win. I mean he’s a great racer but maybe he is losing it. I mean he maybe leaving his prime.”

“A little cocky but you know what you are young, fresh and ready to join the roster of big name racers. Keep on winning and maybe you’ll get more sponsors,” The reporter chattered, Noah smiled a bit. He was beginning to forget the plans he made with Mirage. His father’s misshaped words began to fill in his mind, his younger self butting his way in. ‘I have to win to make him proud. I can’t have his death mean nothing if I don’t win.’

“So those last few seconds of that race, you suddenly accelerated, did you do something differently because we have never seen anything like it before. Even some rumors are going around that you cheated but officials examined your car this morning and confirmed no foul play.” Noah felt his stomach drop to his ass but he kept that chill front because that explained why Mirage was so silent this morning. “Well I dunno, I just pressed harder on that pedal and I was just thinking to myself I just need that extra boost to cross that line. I still can’t believe that even worked.”

“Well I’ll be it, that has to be the best luck you have ever struck. Michael is probably thinking where did you even come from. Seems like you are starting to become a real driver now.” Noah knew what the reporter was referring to and this made his heart swell with pride because he and Mirage were making the other driver eat his own words. “Yeah, I can’t let someone say that about me and just expect me to heel. I gotta prove to others that I am more than what meets the eye y’know?”

“Well you are definitely showing everyone what you are made of. In no time if you keep this up you can be the face of this season.” 

…

“Face of the season huh, becoming more like me by the day. Back on Cybertron I was the face of racing.” Mirage chuckled as he remembered the good old days when he used to race there, it was a bit disheartening that even though he was the face of the races there. No one has figured out about his whereabouts. Noah chuckled as he walked along side Mirage on the tracks, the ones he had won on. “Mhm, I suppose do you have any tips?”

“Don’t get too cocky otherwise you will be sent off to a planet far far away,” The bot joked, the two laughed hard about it before Noah sighed. He looked up at Mirage, almost admiring the features of him. His palms feeling a bit sweaty and his heart pounding against his chest. Mirage was just experiencing his spark getting impossibly hot in his chassis the whole time. 

“Raj’ what do you think would have happened if we never met?” Noah asked.

“I think I’d be lost without you.” Mirage said, his tone making it sound like a joke but maybe it was the constant proximity, the consistent talking that made staying on this planet not so bad anymore. 

“Well if it makes you feel any better man, I’d be lost without you too. I mean I can’t see in the dark but the bracelet works as a great flashlight,” Noah joked back, his lips curled up. The playful banter going back and forth till Mirage went into his alt mode. 

“Ready to go for another spin or you a chicken.” Mirage teased before imitating chicken noises. Noah snorted and rolled his eyes before jogging and hopping into the car. Buckling up and feeling the familiar tight squeeze around his chest. “Show me whatcha got Raj’, unless you are just a glitch with all bark.”

Mirage burst out laughing till his frame shook, Noah was picking up on his language or more specifically his foul language that would make an older bot got fired up. 

“Trust me Noah, I would never.” Mirage’s engines roared loudly that it could wake up half of Japan. Noah felt himself sink into his seat as everything around him became a blur. Mirage’s accelerating and sharp turns around the track before he did his infamous trick that Noah was growing accustomed too. 

The transformation. The transfer of driving to running. Noah felt the wind nip at his face as his lips curled up into a smile. They eventually came to a stop, Noah’s body in Mirage’s servos. His heart beating erratically and he could feel every single strong beat underneath his digit. 

“That prove my not guilty of all bark?” Mirage joked, his optics twinkling and his spark radiating the warmth that reached Noah subtly. “Hmmm, I guess it does Raj’, I guess it does.”

Mirage felt like he himself was gaining a staring problem with Noah now. He genuinely couldn’t look away from the perfect man who’s heart raced from a mix of adrenaline and certain feelings that he has yet to be told.

“I got something on my face man?” Noah teased as he noticed how Mirage had went a bit quiet and was just staring. 

“Just your freckles.” 

“Well I can’t necessarily remove that.” 

Noah was eventually settled down onto the floor, his heart was still racing a bit, whether it was from the adrenaline or the lightning that was going through that muscle from Mirage was something he didn’t know. The slow steps as they wandered around and continued talking about random things, Mirage kept on occasionally stare at Noah and same other way around. 

Staring at each other when the other wasn’t watching and soon they fell into a silence. Enjoying the peace of it. 

“You know, when our next race happens I’ll make sure not to squeeze the wheel. Sorry about that, I don’t know if I had said that or not,” Noah murmured, his steps slow and leisure.

Mirage spun on his heel to look down at Noah when he responded, “Nah it’s alright, I know you didn’t mean it on purpose.”

‘I want it again, Primus if only you knew Noah. I need that again, you don’t know how bad I truly loved it. It was so…’ Mirage’s processor was going a mile a minute at the thought of Noah squeezing his wheel or anything else. His modesty panel was beginning to feel uncomfortable. 

“You gotta stop forgiving so easily man, God I was uncomfortable when you accidentally tightened the seat belt around my stuff. Yet you are just so… casual about it,” Noah groaned as he couldn’t get rid of the guilty feeling. 

“Well it wasn’t uncomfortable it was more… awkward,” Mirage admitted sheepishly. He was praying that Noah would drop the subject because he didn’t want to explain the heat and discomfort of it all, the way he got roused at the feeling of his hands squeezing his wheel. The feeling of Noah’s soft hands that could never compare to any servos on all of Cybertron.

“How so?” Noah asked, wondering what the hell it could have felt like. He didn’t entirely know where the wheel would be located when Mirage wasn’t in alt form. 

“Well it kinda is like the equivalent of um…” Mirage began, he knew that humans had some of the same parts of him and they functioned nearly similar. He just felt a little embarrassed of what he would have to admit. “Well so I have parts and when you squeezed my wheel it is kinda the similar sensation of you squeezing those said parts.”

Noah was confused at first, he didn’t know what Mirage was on about but then it dawned on him. His face got bright red with embarrassment. 

“So you are saying that it’s like I’m squeezing your…”

“Yeah, see why it’s awkward now?” Mirage looked away, his optics finding that the grass on the outskirts of the track were a lot more interesting than making eye contact. 

“Yeah… note taken,” Noah responded, feeling the shame creep up for not knowing any better but then he felt the shame of thinking about doing it again. 

Mirage was thinking about Noah’s hands all over again, yearning and begging internally just for the simple touch. The relief of the burning sensation that all of this loneliness had caused over the years.

…

Mirage was alone in the garage, he was only glad that Noah was back at his hotel room. He transformed out of from his alt form. His modesty panel was bothering him so badly and it was all because of Noah and his touches. His chassis burning hot as his processor went wild.

The way his uniform hugged his curves or how he wore a tank top to all of their after hour training sessions. The muscles that were foreign to Mirage but he was starting to see the appeal whenever he saw Noah’s arms flex. The bot pinched his legs together, squirming and scratching the concrete below him. He muted the communication link to the bracelet Noah had so he didn’t have to hear anything. 

“Primus what is wrong with me?” Mirage sighed to himself as he ran his servos down his face plates with his optics squeezed shut. His processor sends messages that his modesty panel could give out unless he either calms himself down or do something about his situation. It’s been awhile since he had blown off some steam. He shrunk his modesty panel so his spike could emerge out to the cool night air and his valve could be out in the open. The transfluids that leaked onto the grounds. His optics dimmed slightly as his servos went down, one to his spike and the other going to his valve for duo sensation. 

He thought about how Noah’s hands ran along his wheel, the sensation of calloused thumbs running along the stitches and the way he squeezed his wheel whenever he got excited. Mirage let out a shaky extake, his derma quivering as he began to slide his servo across his spike, fisting it while his digits dipped into his valve. 

He began imagining and picturing Noah; his face, his voice, and his touch. Everything just felt so electric and his spark began getting uncomfortable hot in his chassis. Breathy groan escaping his voice box. Picturing the man on top of him, running his hands along his chassis or touching his facial plates.

“Frag frag frag,” Mirage panted, he wondered how Noah’s hands would feel. The delicate touch that his servos could never mimic. His optics opened up and he could feel the rush of electricity rush through him. His whining breaths leaving him as he felt the sweet release of pleasure hit him, overloading so much all over his servos that it slipped between his digits. He could just imagine Noah being soaked in his transfluids. 

Meanwhile Noah was back in his hotel room, holding onto the sheets with one hand as the other one was being put to work on his hard on. Shirt bunched up in his mouth to mute his noises when the bracelet he had on his nightstand flashed a bright brilliant blue nearly blinding him. It started him so badly that it made him ejaculate prematurely all over his hand and lower belly. 

“Fuck,” Noah grumbled, his shirt muffling his voice as he let his head fall back on his pillows. He had barely begun to think of Mirage’s face and he usually lasts a longer than this. He grabbed some tissues and cleaned up his mess before grabbing the bracelet.

“What was that Raj’, you okay?” The question hung in the air as the bracelet pulsed blue.

“Yeah sorry I just had a… dream.” Mirage lied. 

“You want to talk about it?” Noah asked, both of their voices sounded almost out of breath and flustered. Both engaging with the same activities yet no one wanted to admit it, especially when they were thinking about each other.

“No, not really. It was a little too weird. It was kind of startling than anything.” He continue with the lie of the dream. He couldn’t even really dream yet he knew if that he could, he would dream of Noah. 

“Okay, just got a bit worried because the bracelet was flashing blue like crazy and usually you do that if you are mad or somethin’,” Noah murmured as he grabbed the bracelet sliding it back onto his wrist. Wincing as he realized how disgustingly sweaty he was and how his heart was racing like crazy.

‘Primus, if you knew that I was fragging to your body and face, you would truly be disgusted,’ Mirage thought to himself. With how Noah acts about being gay and treating it like it was a crime, the bot didn’t want to mention about his feelings just yet so he doesn’t scare him off. He knows that Noah would think it was filthy and gross.

‘God, if you knew I was masturbating to you…’ Noah’s thoughts went silent for the sense that he realized that Mirage wasn’t disgusted by being queer. To the bot it was normal and natural, something Noah craved to feel about himself. Mirage wouldn’t think of him as filthy and disgusting. Noah liked that. He liked it a lot. ‘How would he react to me liking him?’

Mirage was a secret. A secret that Noah could get away with, a secret he could hid easily. He could be free to be himself around Mirage.

Noah turns in his bed to get out of bed. Walking over to the bathroom with the dim light emitting from the bracelet. He stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the lights, staring into his mirror. He could get away with it too, Mirage doesn’t judge him. 

“Noah, you still there?” Mirage called out, Noah was gripping the counter tight as he looked down at the bracelet. “Yes, I’m still here.”

When he got back to bed, Noah found himself staring up at his hotel ceiling. Feeling the disconnect of what was reality. 

The popcorn on the ceiling, the fiber on the curtains, the television that was off, the blue glow from the bracelet, the wooden door.

The feeling of sweat, the sheets beneath his body, the cool air making goosebumps form on his arms, the bracelet rubbing against his wrist.

The sound of Mirage’s voice trying to reach out to him frantically, saying something about being on his way. The sound of his deep breaths, the fan’s soft hums.

His sweat and the air freshener.

His mouth voided of any taste, it was dry. 

“Noah?” Mirage was worried because one minute Noah was talking but now he could sense the disconnect. “Noah are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m fine,” Noah tried to reassure but then he could hear tapping on his balcony. ‘Shit!’

Rushing out of bed wearing nothing but his boxers, he steps out onto his balcony to see Mirage standing there. Mirage had raced over in minimal time to figure out what was wrong with Noah. 

“Raj’, I’m fine! Go back to the stadium,” Noah whisper shouted.

“No, I can’t trust you to be alone for long periods because you just go silent out of no where and you start mumbling and whispering about secrets or something,” Mirage states, his voice filled with worry. His optics focused on Noah’s eyes. 

“I- Mirage, I…” Noah’s words could caught in his throat, should he say it? Tell Mirage what types of thoughts he was getting? “I’ll tell you in the morning.”

Mirage pursed his dermas, he didn’t want to wait till morning for an explanation. He was worried. 

Chapter Text

Noah didn’t tell Mirage what happened, it fed into the bot’s frustrations especially as the week went on.

Mirage was on the plane flight to the next area all the way out in San Marino. Noah was swamped with interviews like usual, everyone bombarding him with the same question asking for his technique, overly personal questions, and he just felt in the zone. Robert and some of his other crew members were occasionally pipping in.

“So Mr. Diaz, do we expect another win from you in the next race?” One of the reporters asked as they brought a mic closer to his mouth. Noah moved his head back a bit as he didn’t need the mic that close and personal with him.

“Yes, I will be winning that next race,” Noah answered calmly, he felt bored almost. Distracted by the faint pulsing light from his bracelet, he covered it up partially with his hand so others couldn’t see. He knows that he would win as well. Mirage was listening in on the interview feeling bored as well. Stuck in alt mode hoping the interview would end faster.

“Well Mr. Diaz, we heard that Senna was praising your skills and that you reminded him a lot of younger him. Even joked that you will take his mantle once the season ends.”

Noah smiled and sat up a bit, he was keeping his composure as inside he was practically screaming like a fan boy. “That’s sweet of him. Well with that new information, I have to win next game just for him.”

‘I hope you are taking notes Raj’.”

…

“Noah, you can’t just avoid the topic.” Mirage muttered, Noah was out in the bathroom about to go to the bathroom. He nearly jumped out of his skin. The man looked down at his wrist. “Seriously Raj’ warning next time, I am about to take a piss and this isn’t a good time to talk about my little… episode per se.”

“Well when will it be a good time because you seem to dodge it every single time when you are alone in your room with no one around.”

“I don’t have to tell you everything that is wrong with me man.” Noah grumbled as he found it difficult to find the concentration to piss and argue with the bot at the same time.

“But we are a team, you aren’t flying solo with every race remember?”

“Yeah I know, doesn’t mean I need to tell you everything that is wrong with me.” Noah tried relaxing so he could piss but Mirage was definitely in a chatty mood today. ‘Damn my anxious bladder.’

“Then what am I here then? Am I just going to be just the car Mr. Hotshot?”

“Mirage I need you to just shut up!” Noah snapped, his bladder felt like it was about to burst in a painful way but then he realised how mean he just sounded. “Wait Raj’-”

“Fine might as well cut comms till you get back to your room.” Noah wanted to kick himself but he finally was able to go to the bathroom. Once he finished his business and washing his hands, he stood facing himself in the mirror glaring at himself. He wished he was brushing his teeth again, feeling the pain of him going too rough on his gums, not enough to ruin them but just enough to feel the pain and see the blood in the sink.

He can’t stand himself right now. He was getting all sorts of thoughts about Mirage, the type of thoughts that would ruin a friendship. The whole him getting off and being interrupted by Mirage, then him constantly questioning why he froze up. Noah knows that his dissociation episodes could get bad but he didn’t need the bot a mile up his ass about opening up.

The rest of the interviews were painful as ever because all that Noah could think about was the bot. He hates how much Mirage was on his mind, it was becoming some type of infection. A little mind worm that dug and stuck in his mind. He hated it so much. He hated it so fucking much… He…

“Mr. Diaz, is everything okay?” The reporter asked, Noah hadn’t realised that he was stuck in his thoughts.

“I got a bit of a headache that’s all,” Noah chuckled, sporting a forced smile to make everyone think it was one forced through pain rather than frustration. Eventually he got the last interview done.

Noah quickly made his way back to the hotel room and stared at the familiar foreign watch on his wrist. How much more could he go on thinking that this was normal? Nothing about him was normal to humanity but to Mirage it was fine.

“What do I do?” Noah murmured softly as he sat on the hotel bed, he laid back with a loud grunt. He was stuck between two worlds, he didn’t know which one was reality and which one was a dream. He glanced over at the watch lazily hoping that Mirage would pipe up and say something stupid or just even argue with him again.

“Raj’ I am sorry with how I snapped at you. I just need time,” He sighed softly, not knowing if Mirage could actually hear him. The bracelet was still the dull colour signaling that Mirage was either sleeping or the comms were still cut. Noah didn’t know which one it was, all he could do is just hope that maybe Mirage heard what he had said.

Mirage did hear Noah, he was just remaining silent. He controlled his spark so the watch that Noah had wouldn’t glow. If he could be out of his alt form he would curl up into a ball. He was scared when Noah snapped at him, he felt guilt eat at him for pushing Noah so hard. He wish that he could take the pain away from Noah. He knew the minute he lands and situates in Italy, he wants to learn more about what it meant to be queer here, on Earth. He wants to ask Noah more questions about his upbringing. Just learn as much as possible to figure out why he was the way he was.

Mirage hates being in the dark and not understanding Noah. Noah was someone now close and important. He was cut out of his thoughts when the plane landed and he forgot that he had loosened up the cables that kept him secure so he lurched forward a bit.

“Frag!” He hit the wall, he felt the front of his alt form scratch against the metal with an uncomfortable screech. He immediately got back into his position and realised some of his paint was scuffed. ‘Primus… just great, not only am I dealing with issues with Noah now I have fragging scratched paint. Just wonderful!’

Noah’s watch flared a great blue colour that nearly blinded him because he had the device super close to his face.

“FUCK!” He rubbed his eyes while rubbing them, it felt like the same sensation of the flashing camera lights. He blinked away the floating white dots in his vision. “Damn Mirage, warn a guy before you nearly blind him.”

That woke Noah up from his original sour mood but now put him in a more shittier mood. The blue light died down a bit till it was a more subtle glow. Calmer. He glared at it for a bit wondering if he would get an apology from Mirage for the sudden flash bang but instead he received a call on his hotel phone.

He strut on over and picked the phone off the wall.

“Hello this is Noah Diaz speaking…”

“Sonic!”

“Tails!” Noah’s bad mood vanished when he heard his little brother, his lips pulling up into a warm smile. Nothing like something back from home to pull him out of the bad mood.

“God Sonic, you need to call more often. I am dying here, Ma is talking about putting me in baseball.” Kris whined, Noah knew that his little brother had almost little to no interest in any other sport outside of racing but there was a small part of him that wanted Kris to find joy in something that wasn’t racing. In an older brother way.

“Well Kris, have you gave it some thought yet or just complaining at the idea?” Noah chuckled, leaning against the wall whilst rubbing his thumb over the watch slightly. “No, also it’s tails. No real names on the airwaves!”

“Oh, my bad, Kristopher Diaz from 974 Wilson Avenue, Apartment 2-C, Brooklyn.”

“They are listening!”

“Ain’t no secret government agencies worried about us, Tails. Now common just think about baseball some more, why don’t you want to play?” Noah snickered as he thought about how much he missed this type of banter. Kris’s random paranoia that the government was secretly listening in on their conversations, it made Noah feel like he needed to put a tin foil hat on and sit in a circle of some random grandma’s basement.

Kris was quiet on the other side for a bit till he eventually answered, “I don’t really have anyone to practice with.”

“Well what about your friends?” Noah suggested lightly, he sensed something was off with how Kris was talking.

“I mean yeah but it’s just…” The younger boy’s voice trailed slightly. It clicked in his head almost immediately.

“Kris, when this season is over why don’t we play a bit.” Kris didn’t really get the opportunity that Noah got when Joel or their dad was alive. Kris was a baby when he had passed. You can’t really play baseball with an infant, can’t teach them the basics of how to throw and catch or how to swing a bat to hit a home run. Noah had taught Kris how to do all of those things but now that he was traveling, he couldn’t easily spend time with Kris.

“You better.” Kris snorted, his mood lightening up a bit. “No ma is coming, she’s gonna hog the phone!”

“Ay Kris, so over dramatic. I want to say hi to my big baby.” Noah rolled his eyes a bit, no amount of denying could get the women to stop calling him her big baby. Technically she can call him that but doesn’t mean he wanted to be called that.

“Ma, you are something,” Noah chuckled as he could practically hear his mother smile. He missed her cooking the more he thought about it. “I miss y’all though.”

“Well when you come back home just know that we have a plate of tembleque with your name on it,” Breanna sighed.

“Well now I gotta speed this season up now.”

“You better.”

…

Mirage hasn’t spoken for awhile, it has been a few days. Noah woke up from the sudden jolt of the plane landed in Italy. The rough rumble and the roar of the engine. It was night outside and all Noah could think about was getting to the next hotel bed. The watch had a dim blue glow to which he rolled his jacket sleeve over it to mask it.

It took a bit till he could finally walk off the plane, he trudged along the airport. Grabbing his belongings before getting another rental car.

His hotel here was a complete upgrade from the one in Japan, he actually got a view that wasn’t just a building wall. He was about to collapse into his bed when he finally heard a familiar voice.

“You finally arrived,” Mirage broke the silent treatment that had spanned too much for the bot to bear anymore. Noah woke up slightly and he masked the emotion in his voice, “Yeah Raj’ don’t get too excited. I am tired.”

Noah’s knees hit the foot of the bed before he tossed his bag down, spreading his arms out as if he would take flight and just belly flopped onto the bed. The blankets and sheets smelled of warm vanilla and soap.

“Good night then, we can talk in the morning then.” Mirage murmured, understanding that Noah was tired from just the tone in the man’s voice.

…

Alarm’s number one job is to wake someone up, Mirage was probably combating for that ability because Noah woke up to Mirage’s whispering instead of a blaring alarm. It was better at least, Noah didn’t understand a single thing coming out from his friend. He would sometimes notice that Mirage would occasionally switched over to what he assumed was the Cybertronian language.

“Raj’, you forgot to mute yourself,” Noah grumbled as he noticed how he never really changed out of the clothes that he traveled in. He grimaced as he got out from the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He felt and looked like shit when he saw his reflection. Drool marks on his face, dark eye bags and his hair a little bit long so it looked like a rats nest.

“Morning Noah.” He took a note that Mirage was being seemingly weird ever since he had snapped at him.

“Okay Mirage, something is up. You are less chatty and whispering and shit. Is this about me snapping at you because if so I am sorry. I didn’t mean to lose my temper,” Noah stated, he decided that beating around the bush and ignoring how he had reacted previously wasn’t the best move.

“Noah, I-” Mirage felt a twinge in his spark, he knew that he should apologise as well but why were the words blanking out. He didn’t know what to say. He has never been in this type of situation, he is used to just avoiding conflict. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”

Noah stared at the watch for a moment, the moment where the room felt like it was just a stand still. “Well at least now we are good, right?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to get to the stadium. Also sometime tonight you think you can get me something for a paint job?” Mirage chuckled slightly, he has had his cloaking on for such a long time and doing it for such a long period time was tiring him out.

“Wait what!?” Noah was midway taking his shirt off to get ready to hop in the shower. “What happened?”

Mirage was probably wincing because Noah raised his voice by accident. “Well while being transported I loosened up some of my cables because y’know that shit is uncomfortable and I wasn’t really focused to realise the plane was about to land until it was too late and I kinda rammed into the wall by accident.”

Noah ran his hand over his face. “My God what am I going to do with you?”

“Race around with me,” Mirage answered jokingly.

“That is what we do.” His shirt hit the floor then his shorts. Noah got into the shower before finally adding on, “Well I will touch up your paint.”

Cold water hit his skin, waking him up completely. He hissed softly before getting to work, washing the travel grime off. He was looking forward to this upcoming race, he felt like something big was going to happen. Something game changing.

“Raj’ I think this race is going to be extremely important. I have this gut feeling.”

“Hm good feeling or bad feeling?” Mirage mused, he knew that there was no way that they wouldn’t win this race.

“Hopefully it’s good.” Noah responded, lathering soap into his hair. His lips curled up when he began to think about seeing Mirage again. Heart picking up but then he was hit with the same thing that caused the silence, he stared at the soap bubbles that gathered and vanished down the drain. He knew he can’t keep on avoiding something he needs to confront.

…

“My God Mirage the scratches are so bad,” Noah muttered as Mirage let his cloak down for long enough for him to examine the damage. The paint job was so scuffed that it looked like the bot went up against a cheese grater. Noah immediately backed up and acted like nothing was wrong as Mirage covered the scuffed up paint with his cloaking device. “Yeah I will be getting some paint after this practice.”

“Diaz!” Senna shouted whilst jogging up to Noah, helmet under his arm. Noah felt his mood brighten up when he saw his fellow racer jog up to him.

“Senna! It’s nice to see you again,” Noah chuckled, he hid his hands behind his back so Senna couldn’t see how excited he was. He didn’t want to seem like some fanboy.

“Diaz, this upcoming weekend is going to be extremely important.”

“How so?”

“Because you have won those first two races with ease. That’s not an easy feat,” Senna chuckled as he laid his hand on Noah’s shoulder. Similarly like how Noah’s dad used to. “You are the first Puerto Rican man in F1, I have a feeling you will win big this race. You will be paving your way in F1 racing.”

Noah felt a surge of pride, it was also eye opening to realize that it was true. He has never seen another Puerto Rican racer who has gotten this far.

“Keep up the good work,” Senna spoke as he patted Noah’s shoulder before walking off to his vehicle, Noah stood there with that gut feeling that he decided to interpret that this race will be most likely a good thing. When he eventually got into Mirage, Mirage let out a soft giggle.

“What?” Noah questioned as he began placing on his helmet.

“You must really be a big fan of him.”

“I am, he is one of my idols. It’s just so crazy that I get to race along side him.” Noah sighed with a stupid childish grin that made his cheeks hurt. He felt like he was in some childhood dream that he doesn’t want to wake up from.

All Mirage thought about was how he wanted to protect the happiness in Noah. He has never found Noah more attractive than in the moment where he was happy and smiling.