Work Text:
Lan Wangji is having a pretty average if not slightly good day. His radio alarm clock set to the classical station played a frankly relaxing song to wake up to. The weather is nice and a comfortable temperature.
But he should have known that everything that was alright about today would soon change. Good things can never last. Lan Wangji is on his way to meet his brother for lunch when it happens. It’s not a car driving through a dirty puddle ruining his cream slacks. It’s also not the fact that Lan Wangji is meeting his brother at a different place than usual, no that would be nothing compared to this.
It’s the fact that he crosses paths with a man that is engulfed in a suit in the shape of a bun with a sausage. The man’s arms stick out of the beige brown fabric that has to portray the bun and his face is surrounded by red that has to portray the sausage. At first Lan Wangji is sure that the man has to wear the absurd suit as a form of punishment, a fairly creative one he has to admit. Maybe uncle could use this instead of the ancient dunce cap.
He ignores the sausage bun guy, keeps his eyes straight ahead of him and presumes his way.
“Excuse me, good sir!” Lan Wangji squeezes his eyes closed for a small second before he turns around. It’s rude to ignore people talking to him.
“You look positively famished my friend.” Lan Wangji’s face portrays no such thing. He looks at the guy in the meat and bun shaped suit. He doesn’t dignify the guy with a reply nor does he scrunch his nose at being called his friend, his face remains perfectly impassive, but sausage guy seems to not pay this any mind at all.
“Since you’ve come so far and are so terribly hungry, why not make a stop at Wei Wuxian’s glizzy shop,” he sing-songs the last part as if it’s some sort of jingle. He smiles widely and he would look handsome were it not for the dire circumstance of wearing such an awful costume. It doesn’t even look well made.
“I’m not hungry.” Lan Wangji states, because he isn’t.
“Oh, but pleaseee~” sausage bun man, presumably Wei Wuxian, drags the last word. “Handsome stranger come inside, it’ll be good for business.” The man reaches for him but Lan Wangji side steps him without any effort, even when he does feel slightly flattered at getting called handsome. It doesn’t show.
Costume-man is like a bull in a fine china shop the way he barrels through Lan Wangji’s carefully crafted dismissal, maybe his terrible suit makes a good shield for flying pieces of broken porcelain. Lan Wangji wouldn’t know.
“You’re very attractive,” the man goes on. “And everyone knows that, uh…” The man snaps his mouth shut. “Attractiveness sells!” It comes out slightly too loud and Lan Wangji does his best to not to cringe. The man mutters something under his breath about attractiveness, yes definitely attractiveness, definitely not the other thing and something about attractive people attracting more customers. Lan Wangji tries his best to not listen in to one man’s private conversation with himself. Considering himself not needed anymore he turns around, trying to make his way to his lunch reservation.
“Wait!” The sausage in a bun yells at him. Lan Wangji stops in his tracks. “Come in please, I’ll give you a free hotdog, it’s on the house,” the man rambles. “I just got the meat, it’s as fresh as it can be! You know I got this really good contact with one of the aunties at one of the places in Chinatown so I get it for half the price, meaning I can severely undercut the already exist-”
“I don’t eat meat.” The man, still presumably Wei Wuxian, blinks at that. His eyes are surprisingly big and his lashes are long. Lan Wangji knows that women find these desirable traits.
“Oh, uh, no worries! I also have a vegan variant.” Hotdog-suit tries to grab him again and this time Lan Wangji allows it.
He gets ushered into a tiny place that has all the pretense of a restaurant, yet none of the dignity of the places Lan Wangji normally visits.
Lan Wangji stands close to the counter and watches the hotdog costume disappear as the man crouches to look through the bottom cabinets. He also watches the hotdog costume reappear when the man gets to his feet again and opens some more cabinets. The crinkling of plastic wrappers, cars passing by and soft swearing are the only things audible. “Shit, fuck, shit, where did I put them?”
Lan Wangji watches for a little while longer before he checks his watch. His lunch reservation is in about fifteen minutes and walking there would take around eleven minutes, eight if he doesn’t mind showing up a bit sweaty. Lan Wangji looks back up when he notices that the sounds of frantic searching have waned.
The man stares at him with a particular look on his face. Heh, he says as he reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck. The red fabric surrounding his face moves as he does this. His bangs get ruffled in the process.
“It seems I’ve misplaced the vegan hotdogs.” The guy’s eyes are downturned and his lashes flutter.
“Mhm.”
“But, wait!” enthusiastic hotdog man exclaims. “Let me make it up to you.” The guy almost scrambles so he is at the same side of the counter that Lan Wangji is. He pets his thigh and grins when he feels what he is presumably looking for. Lan Wangji squints his eyes a little, unsure what is going on.
Man sausage bun starts hiking up the suit exposing the slim black jeans he is wearing underneath. The fabric is thick and scrunches up with slight difficulty. He uses his right hand to hold it but also tries to use the same hand to grab the item in his jeans. He is not fast enough so the fabric drops back down, treating Lan Wangji to watching the same scene happen again.
"Frivolous”
“Mhm, what?” The man has his head turned so he is mostly speaking into the fabric of the suit. “Aha, got it!” In his excitement of, Lan Wangji squints, producing a well worn black leather wallet, he knocks over an obnoxiously yellow sauce bottle.
“Oh shoot,” He turns around and bends over to grab the eyesore, giving Lan Wangji a good eyeful of his buns. It doesn’t look like much mostly because the clunky suit is covering most of him up. Lan Wangji feels a pang of weird regret shoot through him.
The hotdog-suit-wearing guy puts the bottle in its designated place and opens up his wallet. He seems to find what he is looking for almost immediately, going by the smile that appears on his face. He grabs the small rectangular piece of paper, a business card? Lan Wangji is confused but doesn’t pretend to know anything about the intricacies of owning a hotdog restaurant.
When hotdog-man finally manages to shimmy it free from the clutches of his wallet he hands it to Lan Wangji. It’s cream and there’s a crease from a bend in the upper left corner. Lan Wangji reads:
Wei Wuxian
for all hot dog related inquiries text:
There is a number underneath.
“That’s also my personal number!” This does make Lan Wangji look at him with the faintest traces of inquiry displayed on his face. “You know how it is as an independent business owner,” Lan Wangji doesn’t but he nods along, his lips tightly pressed together.
“So, uh, if you ever wanted to retrieve that free vegan hot dog, just, uh, shoot me a text!” Wei Wuxian looks at him expectantly. “Also if you feel like eating anything else with, uh, with me!” He worries his bottom lip between his teeth. It is distracting.
“Just send me a text,” A deep breath. “Just text me, please.” Lan Wangji hesitantly accepts the business card and slowly pockets it in his nice slacks. He makes a mental note to take the card out and add it to his personal rolodex before he washes his trousers.
Wei Wuxian bows at him fast and curtly. Lan Wangji returns the gesture but with the proper politeness the Lans pride themselves on.
“Anyways, have a nice day!” Wei Wuxian smiles brightly at him, his face has a slight flush, like he has been out in the sun for too long.
“You as well.” Lan Wangji turns around and continues his way. He looks at his watch, looks like it’s going to be a slightly sweaty lunch. As he walks he mindlessly rubs his thumb over the rough edge over the card to make sure it’s real.