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“Why are you so pissed at me?” Buck demanded, glaring at the brunette across from him.
“Because you’re exhausting,” Eddie said, pushing his shopping cart away as he moved closer to Buck who froze at those words. “All of us have our own problems, but you don’t see us complaining about it because we just suck it up, so why can’t you?”
Buck was silent for a minute, opening and closing his mouth several times before finally finding his bearings. “You wanna know why I can’t just ‘suck it up?’” Buck spit, eyes full of something dark as he stared at his best friend.
“Yeah,” Eddie said, gaze full of its own intensity. “Yeah, Buck. I do.”
“Because I’ve never had a fucking family,” Buck said, taking a few steps forward, so he was flush against Eddie, chest to chest. “Then, the 118 came around, and I was finally, finally happy and loved for once in my life, but then, some kid with a vendetta against Bobby decided to blow up our fucking firetruck, and I just so happened to be in the crossfire.”
Eddie looked like he was about to explode as he opened his mouth, but Buck cut him off. “I felt like my family had been taken away from me,” he said, tone soft but cutting at the same time. “My job was taken from me, and with it I feel my family and my life were taken too because all of you were there at my side until you weren’t.”
“That’s not fair,” Eddie said, tone biting as he glared up at Buck.
“I was hurting,” Buck said, returning Eddie’s sharp stare with one of his own. “And all I wanted was to go back to work with my clean bill of health, but then Bobby hit me with the ‘you’re not ready yet’ bomb, and I went spinning out of orbit. Then, Chase Mackey told me that he could get me my job back through this stupid ass lawsuit, and I was fucking desperate, so I took his offer like a dog after a bone.”
“So you couldn’t have just talked to Bobby?” Eddie asked, pushing a little closer to Buck.
“Bobby made it abundantly clear what his position on my return was,” Buck said, glaring in the direction of said man. “I will admit that the way I’ve gone about things has been fucking stupid. I never should’ve took the lawsuit, and I definitely shouldn’t have told Mackey all those things about you guys, but I was so desperate to get my family back, to show you all that I was worth keeping around and that I couldn’t be replaced and–”
“Replaced?” Hen asked from behind Eddie, drawing in Buck’s attention. “Why did you think we’d replace you?”
“How could I not?” Buck asked, laughing bitterly. “The last time I went to the station, I saw that you guys covered my name on my locker with a piece of tape and wrote her name on it. And y’know what? I already felt like shit. That small piece of tape shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did, but I was already mad, and the fact that the tape was even there pissed me the fuck off, and after that my emotions just spiraled out of control until I ended up in that fucking room sitting across from you guys.”
“And why didn’t you just try and talk to the rest of us?” Chimney asked, anger seeping out of his voice. “You knew Bobby’s stance, but you could’ve talked to us. Why didn’t you?”
“Because I felt like you’d all agree with Bobby,” Buck said, turning his gaze onto Chim. “Everyone knows my track record for being reckless and all that shit, so I thought that you guys would just think I was trying to be fucking reckless and not even listen to me before agreeing with Bobby.”
“Buck, we would’ve listened,” Hen assured, her words an empty promise to Buck.
“You’d listen to the words I said, not the feelings behind them,” Buck said, voice losing its edge as his emotions caught up to him. He looked away from the group as he became choked up and a lump formed in his throat. “Y-you’d–” Buck started, voice cracking. “You’d see everything as surface level rather than seeing the emotional toll things have taken on me, and I don’t blame you for that.”
Buck turned back to his family, eyes glossy and tears starting to trickle down his cheeks. “I know that all the emotions you’re feeling towards me are my fault, but please, for the love of God and everything holy, please try and see where I’m coming from. I’m not asking for forgiveness even though I really want to, but just try to see it even if you don’t agree with what I did.”
“Oh,” Buck said as an afterthought. “Also, I dropped the lawsuit. You guys don’t need to be dragged down with me, and I realized that that was all I was really doing. I started writing a formal apology letter to Chief Simpson for everything I’ve put the department through.”
The group was silent, and Buck was about to walk away when Eddie spoke up. “Now, do you want to know why I’m so pissed at you?” he asked, voice softer than before but filled with just as much emotion as before as he grabbed Buck’s bicep, so he couldn’t walk away.
Buck met the man’s eyes. “Please,” Buck croaked, trying to suppress the floodgates building behind his eyes.
“Because that fucking lawsuit took my best friend away from me,” Eddie said, causing Buck to look down in shame. “Christopher misses you, and I had to tell him that you wouldn’t be able to come ‘round for a while. And I couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail.”
Buck looked up at that, shocked because he would’ve never expected Eddie to say that. He expected anything else other than that.
“You got arrested?” Buck asked, eyes wide as he started to reach out to squeeze Eddie’s bicep in a comforting gesture, but he stopped himself, letting his hand drop back down at his side.
“If I was arrested,” Eddie said, looking a little pale at realizing what he’d said.
“What happened?” Buck asked, this time actually touching Eddie as he wrapped his hand around his wrist.
“I didn’t get arrested,” Eddie said, trying to rip his arm away, but Buck just tightened his grip. “Drop it.”
Buck looked back at the others from the 118, and he noticed the way Bosko looked at Eddie with such pity, and Buck froze. She knew something about Eddie that he didn’t.
“You really did replace me,” he whispered, turning his head to meet Eddie’s eyes, fresh tears pooling in his eyes.
“What?” Eddie asked, narrowing his eyes at Buck. “What are you talking about?”
He lifted an arm to gesture to Bosko. “She knows about this ‘not arrested’ story you have,” he said, tears threatening to spill over. “You met her a month ago, maybe two, meanwhile we've been best friends for almost two years and–and she knows something about you that I don’t, something you don’t want to tell me.”
Eddie was looking for a response, but Buck didn’t let him come up with one before he spoke again. “You know what? Fuck this,” Buck said, letting go of Eddie’s wrist, leaving the man feeling cold for a reason he wasn’t ready to face.
“Buck!” Eddie called, coming back to himself a moment too late as he turned and watched Buck walk out of the grocery store.
He fucked up.
He fucked up real bad.
</\M/\>
Knock, Knock
Pause.
Knock, Knock, Knock
God damn it, he’s going to make him get up and open the door.
Buck groaned before grumbling out something akin to, “Shut up, I’m coming.” He rolled himself off of the couch and onto the floor and laid there for a moment, the floor was comfy.
Knock, Knock
“Eddie, shut up!” Buck called, voice muffled by the floor before he pushed himself up.
He finally walked up to the door, only a bit of pain in his leg from rolling off of the couch, causing him to limp a bit. He opened the door, and he was met by Eddie, shirtless and glistening with sweat.
Buck sized him up and noticed his boxing gloves. “Ok, I know you’re mad at me, rightfully so, too, but I don’t think that constitutes a right hook to my head,” he said, stepping to the side to let Eddie in.
Eddie chuckled breathlessly, which made Buck blush despite himself. He was still mad at Eddie, but he was so hot, and Buck couldn’t help it.
“This isn’t for you,” Eddie finally said before taking off his shoes. Eddie turned around so he was facing Buck as he began to take off his boxing gloves. “I came to show you the one thing you don’t know about me.”
“What? The illegal fighting ring?” Buck asked, not meeting Eddie’s eyes as he started to walk towards his stairs so he could sit, but he started limping sooner than he wanted to, wincing as a sharp pain shot up his leg. “Fuck.”
Eddie was at his side in an instant, wrapping an arm around his waist to stabilize him as he helped Buck to the stairs–God, Buck missed this so much. Once Buck was sat, he nodded at Eddie in thanks.
“Are you ok?” Eddie asked, kneeling in front of Buck as he continued taking off his boxing gloves.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Buck muttered, stretching out his left leg and rubbing his calf absentmindedly.
“You’re not, though,” Eddie said gently as he sat on the floor of Buck’s loft.
“How would you know? You haven’t been here in weeks, even before the lawsuit,” Buck said, playing with the hem of his shirt as he kept his eyes away from Eddie’s. “You were too busy with your new best friend.”
“Be honest,” Eddie started, catching Buck off guard for a moment. “Are you mainly mad at me for hanging out with Bosko? Or is it something else?”
“The first thing…mostly,” Buck said, still not meeting Eddie’s eyes as he continued to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.
“Here,” Eddie said, causing Buck to look up as Eddie handed him his Rubix cube that Buck had left on the island–when had Eddie gotten up?
Buck took the cube as he mumbled a thanks. He immediately started to solve the cube, and Eddie didn’t say a thing, he just watched Buck. Eddie was letting Buck think of a response.
“I felt alone,” Buck finally said after several moments of silence, the only sound filling the room being the sound of the Rubix cube as Buck turned it. “I thought that…that if I stayed away for too long then…then you guys would replace me or we’d drift too far apart to come back. I’ve had it happen before, and I didn’t want it to happen again.”
Buck still didn’t look at Eddie, but he could already see the man’s expression: pity. “I don’t move that easily, Buck,” Eddie said, catching Buck by surprise, causing the man to look up and meet Eddie’s eyes. “It would take a hell of a lot more than your few months of recovery for me to even think about walking or drifting away from you.”
Buck smiled a little before looking back to the Rubix cube. “Glad to hear, but you didn’t say anything about not replacing me,” Buck said, smile sad now as he solved the white part of the Rubix cube.
This time, Buck noticed Eddie getting to his feet, but instead of walking away from the stairs and out the front door, Eddie walked up two steps and knelt down in front of Buck, causing Buck to meet his eyes.
“You’re irreplaceable, Buck,” Eddie said, his face mere inches from Buck’s. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Buck just nodded. “Ok, I forgive you,” he said, looking back down at his Rubix cube.
“Wow, that was easy,” Eddie said, chuckling. “But I’m not done.”
Buck looked up again. “You apologized, what else could you possibly have to say or do?” Buck asked, confused as he stared at his best friend.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” Eddie said, shrugging as he walked to the door, and Buck groaned at the thought of walking. He expected Eddie to walk out the door, but Eddie just picked up Buck’s shoes and walked back to the stairs.
Then, he gently worked Buck’s feet into the sneakers, tying the laces once his feet were in. Buck felt like a princess or something, and it made his chest and stomach fill to the brim with butterflies. Once Eddie finished putting Buck’s shoes on, he told Buck to stay where he was as he went back to the door, grabbed his own shoes, and also grabbed two coats.
Eddie threw one coat at Buck, which the man caught with a practiced ease. Eddie quickly slipped his shoes on, clearly not using as much effort with his own shoes as he’d used for Buck, before throwing on his coat.
“Come on,” Eddie said, reaching both of his hands out towards Buck to pull the man up. Buck took his hands and let himself be pulled up, Eddie taking on most of his weight as soon as he was upright.
Eddie helped him out of his loft, down the hall, and into the elevator, and not once did Eddie pull away from him, not even for a moment.
“Where are we even going?” Buck asked as he leaned on Eddie just a little bit more.
“Not far,” Eddie said, sounding ominous.
Buck groaned. “But I wanna sleep,” he said, burying his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck. The shorter man just chuckled.
“You’ll be able to do that if that’s what you want, but I think you’ll want to stay awake,” Eddie said, his smile evident in his voice.
“What?” Buck asked, confused as hell.
The elevator stopped and the two men made their way out. Buck didn’t look up as they walked out the doors of his complex, keeping his eyes on his feet.
They stopped about halfway down the sidewalk, confusing Buck, but the man still kept his head down.
“Hey,” Eddie said, kicking Buck's right heel with the toe of his foot. “Look.”
“Ay,” Buck exclaimed before looking up to glare at Eddie. Then, he saw something out of the corner of his eye, causing him to turn and look forward. “Holy shit.”
It was Eddie’s new truck. It was backed into the parking spot in front of them, but that’s not why Buck was saying holy shit. Eddie’s truck bed was what caught Buck’s attention. It was completely decked out.
There was a shit ton of blankets covering the entirety of the truck bed, and there were pillows aligning the sides except for the very back where there was a big teddy bear. Around the teddy bear were a bunch of smaller stuffed animals.
And there was a tent that went over the truck bed–it wouldn’t withstand a lot, but it would probably be able to withstand rain. And there were lights taped to the underside of it making the whole thing look even cooler. There were also snacks and drinks on the sides as well as one of Eddie’s hoodies in the middle, and next to the hoodie was two balloon weights with balloons that said I’m sorry.
Eddie had done all of this just to apologize to Buck, and that caught Buck off guard. He was so caught off guard that he started crying. Eddie noticed immediately and pulled him into a hug, whispering reassurances into his ear, telling him things like: you deserve this, you’re amazing, you deserve everything, and I’m right here, I’m not leaving.
Buck felt so loved. He hadn’t felt like that since Maddie had left to live with Doug. Now, he had his own source of happiness.
</\M/\>
Buck and Eddie were laying down in the truck bed together. Eddie was leaning against his back window while Buck had his head in his lap as he gushed about all the stuffed animals Eddie had gotten him.
Eddie played with Buck’s curls as the man started to ramble off about the unicorn stuffed animal Eddie’d bought. Buck named her Uyen, and when Eddie asked where he’d come up with that name, Buck had said that he found it on some website when he was looking up the meanings of different names.
Eddie’d asked what Uyen meant, and Buck had replied with, “The name is Vietnamese, and the website had multiple meanings for the name, but there was one meaning that made it stick out to me and that was eternal love or deeply knowledged.”
“Hey,” Eddie said, poking Buck’s side with his free hand once Buck’s speech about the unicorn had lulled. Buck looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, it was cute. “What does your name mean?”
“I looked up the meaning of my name on a more accurate website because I realized that the original website I was using had more user submitted meanings,” Buck began to ramble. “Evan is a Welsh name that means God is gracious. I was kind of confused why my parents would choose my name with that meaning since they’ve never been religious, but then I found out that my parents used to be religious, so I decided it made sense.”
Eddie smiled at the info-dump, nodding along. “Do you wanna know about your name?” Buck asked, fiddling with the unicorn plush in his hands, not looking at Eddie.
“Sure,” Eddie laughed. “Did you go on a deep dive about my name after our first shift or something? You didn’t seem to know it that day.”
“Oh, no. I knew Eddie could be short for Edmundo, and I kinda figured as much,” Buck said, freezing a little. “Honestly, I was just being petty and trying to get under your skin.”
“Ah,” Eddie said, smiling as he let his fingernails scratch down the length of Buck’s scalp. “Ok, well, continue.”
“Ok, so Edmundo has Spanish and Portuguese origins, and it is derived from an Old English name, Eadmund. But anyways, your name means wealthy protector, which makes the fact that you joined the army and ended up with a silver star even more amazing. It’s like it was your destiny.”
“Wow,” Eddie said, smiling again. “You know so much about anything and everything. It’s fascinating.”
“Really?” Buck asked, hopefulness filling his tone as he moved his head so he could see Eddie’s face. “Most people tell me it’s weird.”
“Well, most people are assholes,” Eddie commented as he continued to run his fingers through Buck’s curls.
Buck chuckled. “You’re never like this,” he said through giggles.
“Like what?” Eddie asked, unable to stop himself from smiling at the sounds coming from Buck’s mouth.
“So soft,” Buck said, smile close to splitting his face. “It’s nice.”
Eddie smiled softly then. Buck noticed the change in his actions, the softening. He noticed. No one ever noticed when Eddie changed even the slightest, but Buck did.
“Yeah?” Eddie asked, needing to hear Buck say it again or just confirm it.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind staying like this forever,” Buck murmured, but Eddie caught every word of it, and it made his heart skip a beat.
Eddie wanted to do something risky. He wanted to tell Buck he loved him, but he wasn’t sure if Buck would reciprocate. What he said about wanting to stay this way forever is what made Eddie have hope.
“Buck,” Eddie called quietly to get the other man’s attention. Buck removed his head from Eddie’s thigh as he looked up at the other man to meet his eyes. “I love you.”
Buck seemed a little surprised for a second before he said, “I love you too, Eddie.”
Eddie shook his head. “No, like, I-I’m in love with you,” Eddie clarified, not wanting Buck to accidently say he reciprocated something he didn’t actually feel.
Buck’s eyes widened as he blinked rapidly. “Are you joking?” Buck asked, sitting up on his knees. Eddie couldn’t speak, so all he did was shake his head. Buck’s face broke out into a grin before he leaned forward and rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder. “Holy shit,” he murmured.
Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist as he just held the man. He didn’t know yet if the man reciprocated his feelings, so he was just trying to milk this for all he could. Then, Buck pulled back to meet Eddie’s eyes.
There was a look in Buck’s eyes that Eddie couldn’t place, but he could tell that it was good for him. Buck looked…hungry? He looked like he could devour Eddie any second, and he’d enjoy every single second.
“I love you, too,” Buck said before he surged forward and pushed Eddie back against the truck’s back window.
Eddie was completely fine with this. Scratch that he was more than fine with this. He was loving every second he got to touch Buck. He always loved it. It didn’t matter if it was just the brush of fingers or a hug. Eddie loved every moment of contact he got with this man.
Eddie tried to take over the kiss, pushing Buck back a little bit as he got onto his knees. He pushed the man down, so he was laying down on the truckbed with Eddie on top of him. Buck smiled into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s neck and pulled him closer.
Eddie was now laying on top of Buck as they continued to kiss. Eddie kept a hand on Buck’s waist while his other played with the man’s curls. Buck kept one hand running up and down Eddie’s back while his other hand played with his hair.
Eddie was having the time of his life, and he wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.
Buck was it for him.
Buck was the one for him.
And Eddie wouldn’t want it any other way.