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Whole House: $499

Summary:

Sometimes dreams DO come true

Notes:

This is set at some point in the future for these guys, so I guess I'm locking myself in to get them to this point. You could maybe read this as a standalone but I don't know why you would when it would mean missing out on Samm's beautiful art (especially the OG billboard).

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

Edward Teach, the former face of Blackbeard’s Carpet Emporium and current co-owner of The Revenge Kaftan Boutique, shouldn’t be surprised that Stede still has the captain’s uniform. The man never throws anything away.

It was something that had apparently driven Mary crazy, but Ed kinda loved it. After all, if he didn’t, this magical moment wouldn’t be unfolding in front of him.

You see, one drunken evening in the conversation pit, Stede had shown him the billboard outtakes. They were all equal parts ridiculous and sexy as hell, but one in particular had taken root in his brain.

Stede in an all-white captain’s uniform, hat jauntily balanced atop his curls. Short sleeves tight around his biceps while the shirt hung unbuttoned. One leg up on a roll of green carpet and the promise of a whole house of flooring for only $499.

Ed had thought about that photo far more than he should have back when Stede was his straight, married friend who was also technically his competition.

When one of the proofs slipped from a box during the big reorganization of the auxiliary boudoir last week, Stede had been curious about why Ed had grown so bashful.

And now here he is, standing on the back deck with one foot propped on a pouf, white pants creased as neatly as they were on the day of the shoot.

“Are you thinking about coming aboard, sailor?”

“Aye aye, captain.”

captain stede ao4

 

A drawing of Stede Bonnet from the Carpet Boys au. He's standing on a deep green-coloured roll of carpet with one foot propped up on the roll, bent at the knee and an arm resting his upper weight on his thigh. On his hand is three rings. His other arm is bent at the elbow and propped up with his hand on his hip. He's dressed as a ship's captain in all white, his coat is open revealing his undershirt, a gold chain, and a blushing hairy chest. His trousers flair out at the bottom. On his head is a captain's hat with a little anchor and gold cord. His handsome moustache emphasizes the lop-sided grin he's giving the viewer, one eyebrow raised in a disarmingly charming look. Text on the left says "Bonnet's CARPETS" above and below "WHOLE HOUSE $499 LAMINATE WOOD TILE."

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