Chapter Text
Wade groaned as he tried to pull a hunk of shrapnel out of his head it was a bit hard as the brain damage made him very uncoordinated. He had just been walking down the road when a car bomb had gone off right next to him. "Stupid fucking plot convince you'd think someone was targeting me"
[White: you are wearing a shirt from target you are practically screaming at people to target you]
"It's comfy and I licked it so it's mine"
{Yellow: oh do you think Bullseye would like our shirt he loves using us as target practice}
"Nah he probably would think it's a bit too easy" Wade's words come out slightly slurred as the bleeding in his skull starts to make the word processing part of his brain shut down. To focused on grabbing at the shrapnel in his skull he doesn't notice when someone comes up behind him and shoots him the skull and decapitates him
Wade looks around and quickly spots Death in the nice but empty restaurant he's found himself in
"Death my sweet baby boo bear! As much as I love seeing you I can't say I'm happy about dying which I know is kind of a shocker for me"
Death smiles at him, her skull shifting slightly as she walks forward "I know our dates are never really planned any more sweetheart but I'll take what I can get." Wade stands on his tippy toes to kiss his 7 foot tall skeleton girlfriend on the lips well not lips but I guess teeth?
"Love ya sugar what's your plan for until I revive?"
"Well we've got this restaurant all to ourselves. We can eat some fancy food with no one staring at you and just talk"
Wade smiles and bounces around a little bit "sounds great though you know I'm not sure who's more stare worthy between the two of us. You are quite the looker my pretty goddess"
"Wade darling I'm an embodiment not a goddess...but thank you"
The pair continue talking and get some food though the food won't really affect anything after all this is the realm of Death.
Wade gasps and sits up as he comes back to life or at least tries to. he's strapped down to a gurney. {Yellow: wakey wakey eggs and bakey!} Wade groans and squirms around trying to get free his clothes are gone and he's wearing a hospital gown and a muzzle. [White: at least you can still talk lord knows what you do if you can't talk to your captors]
"Ugh where are we?" Wade looks around as much as he can and spots a logo on the wall "oh great HYDRA those chuckle fucks" Wade resumes his struggling as a man in a green and yellow lab coat comes in the room
"Great nondescript science man one"
The man glares at Wade and opens his mouth "I'm-"
"No shut up the author doesn't want to come up with a name for you. you're just a generic asshole"
The man sighs softly and just wheels over a cart with medical supplies on it "this should shut you up" he holds up an ice pick
"Oh is that your dick? Not very impressive unlike mine"
The man holds open Wade's eye and slides the ice pick past the eye, through the skull and into the brain. Wade gasps and squirms weakly as the man starts moving the ice pick around turning the front part of the brain into a mush.
As he removes the ice pick Wade tries to speak but all that comes out is a garbled mess of sounds.
The man chuckles "looks like we hit the language processing part of your brain...good. don't worry we'll find some way to make you silence permanent. I can already think of a few ideas. Maybe something inserted into the brain so it can't grow back properly"
Wade shakes his head and lets out a growl trying to seem in control as his brain slowly regrows. The man leaves and shuts off the lights eventually Wade succumbs to sleep.
When Wade wakes up his brain has fixed itself and he resumes his struggles to get free. Guards come into the room and wheel the gurney he's strapped to into a surgery room.
"Hello again" it's the same scientist from before "since your healing factor makes surgery difficult we've developed a serum that should slow it down for the time being. Don't worry we don't want to get rid of it permanently after all an unkillable soldier is very useful to us"
"Oh great it's mind control plot 101 seriously could the author be any more original"
Wade hisses softly as the man injects him with the serum and he starts to feel more of the pain from his cancer.
A scalpel slices through the skin on his head and a bone saw breaks through the skull. His brain is taken apart and bits of metal are inserted before everything is put back in place with the new addition. The serum wears off and Wade sighs as the constant pain returns to the dull ache he's more used to. He tries to talk but he can't the metal is stopping his brain from regrowing correctly. They wheel the gurney back to the other room and Wade falls asleep.
He's woken up by being removed from the gurney and strapped into a chair in front of a screen.
His eyes are taped open and he's forced to stare at the flashing images and listen to the repetitive sounds. Usually brainwashing wouldn't take with his constantly shifting brain but the metal in his skull is blocking some of those pathways. He comes out of it in a cell wearing a hospital gown not knowing what happened