Chapter Text
Why hadn’t he said it back ?
Buck should have said those three little words back to him - to his dad - before the man went further into the lab and miserably waited to succumb to his fate. But instead, he sat there on the ground, in the very same place that had taken one of the most important people in his life away.
(‘I love you, kid.’)
He sat there and screamed until his voice gave out, until the pain suffocated him enough that he didn’t have to face living in a world without his father figure. He didn’t care how it ended; perhaps that was what he deserved for not noticing the older man’s misery sooner.
(‘You’re gonna be okay.’)
How could he ever be okay after losing Bobby ?
He would forever live with a hole in his heart, right where the man used to - and would always - be. He would have to live with the fact that he had seen his captain die before him, with the thought that he might have been able to prevent it from happening.
Maybe, maybe, mayb-
Buck suddenly felt his head throbbing, blood rushing up as if he had been struck with a bat. The pain quickly grew stronger, cutting off his breathing with its force, and he scrambled to get back on his feet, to get outside of that cursed lab. The 118 had already lost one of their members - and as much as he wanted to stay there with his dad, he couldn’t do that to the rest of his family - so he fought to get up, even though it made him nauseous.
He didn’t even have time to steady himself before he fell backward and lost consciousness.
At least, he might get to see Bobby again and say those words back.
✩
Buck woke up.
Disoriented, he wildly looked around him and nearly threw up when he recognised the place - recognised the room he used to share with Connor. It was exactly as he remembered; the same walls, the same bedsheets, the same annoying window without shades, and the same amount of chaos around the room.
He slowly got up from his bed, almost too terrified to go look for answers he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know.
What was going on here?
He carefully walked towards the door, legs shivering anxiously, and put his right hand over the doorknob. He opened the door and went straight to the bathroom to confirm his suspicions. He wasn’t perfectly sure about this, but something told him his appearance might be slightly different from whatever timeline he actually came from.
When he entered the room, he hovered a few minutes over the sink, not ready to look at a version of himself he was a little ashamed of.
He took a deep breath and finally looked up.
Fuck.
That was exactly what he thought - which, if anyone knew him well enough, often meant trouble.
The man standing in front of him looked rattled, almost in disbelief of what he was seeing and, if Buck had been less of a liar, he would have admitted he actually was. Because right now, his twenty-six-year-old self was staring straight into his own eyes. With less muscles, less weight, no curls, and far too much gel.
He looked down at his hands and, in an impulsive thought, used his left hand to pinch his opposite arm.
It hurt.
His breathing got slightly uneven, his mind finally catching that something was absolutely wrong.
He got out of the bathroom in a rush and walked back towards his room, hoping to find his phone so he could look at the current date. Buck must have been in luck because right next to his bed, plugged into its charger, was his phone patiently waiting on the nightstand.
His hand trembled when he reached for it and he nearly dropped it on his feet in his haste to unlock it.
He read the date.
Sunday, 17th September 2017.
He locked his phone. Unlocked it again.
Still the same date.
How could it be possible ?
Buck felt his knees go weak, and not for a good reason.
He ultimately decided to plop down on his bed before ending up on the ground and straining a muscle or two.
The young man - because he was one now - took a deep breath. Scratch that, he took multiple breaths and even then, it didn’t feel like there was enough oxygen in his body.
Everything was fine. He was fine.
He closed his eyes.
Fuck, he wasn’t fine.
He really had come back in time.
Fuck.
He didn’t know if he should cry or be happy about this and, to be fair, he felt a little hysterical - not able to tell what was real anymore. Maybe he was simply losing his mind and the universe had a grudge against him.
He thought Eddie would have laughed at that.
(‘The universe does not scream, Buck.’)
After the panic settled, he chose to lie on his bed and looked outside through his small window. The sun was setting down, letting the moon and its quiet loneliness take its place. He was kind of jealous of it, jealous that the sun could hide from the world so easily and he couldn’t. He didn’t even know where Connor was, but he was glad his friend wasn’t there to see his full breakdown.
He contemplated his options; he could either keep panicking over the situation or go to sleep - see if he woke up in the same place tomorrow, then decide what he wanted to do about it.
He didn’t think too long about his decision.
Buck settled properly under the covers, feeling out of place in such a familiar place, and closed his eyes, praying sleep would claim him quickly. Luckily, fate seemed to be on his side for once and his body got the memo a few minutes later.
He almost fell into slumber when he had a realisation and suddenly jolted into a sitting position.
Sunday, 17th September 2017.
Okay, the universe was definitely making fun of him.
Because how could he explain the fact he had just come back to the day before his first shift as a probationary firefighter at the 118?
He lay back down on his bed and begrudgingly went to sleep. Call him petty, but if it was real, he would deal with that the next day.
He had always been a good runner, after all.
He was so doomed, wasn’t he?
✩
When Buck opened his eyes the next day, he was still stuck in 2017.
He carefully stood up from his bed and checked the time on his phone. He still had some hours left before his shift, which meant plenty of time to prepare, and even more time to panic.
Great.
He tried not to think too much about the past twenty-four hours - about how he had had fought against government officials, had seen his team get sick and nearly die, had watched his father figure die when he had thought everyone was safe and then got brought he-
Wait.
If he was back in the past, did that mean Bobby was still alive?
His eyes stung and he could feel his legs threatening to give out - again.
He really needed to sit down before becoming one with the floor.
While he did so, he thought about his next move; he obviously could not go straight into saving people like a madman - especially when there was no valid reason to do it and these same people didn’t know him yet in this timeline - but he could not just watch and let history repeat itself.
It would kill him for good this time.
He was also aware that while he was back in his twenty-six-year-old body, his mind hadn’t (at least not the way one would think) and, considering he was the second-worst liar after Chim in their family, he didn’t think he would be able to pull off acting as a young man again. He groaned and put his head in both of his hands - pretending to be younger than he actually was was going to be so humiliating.
Actually, even his body was different - he felt like his balance had changed due to having less weight on him. Also, his clumsiness somehow seemed to have come back in full for- okay, that was just him being in denial. He would admit that he had always been rather clumsy, but it wasn’t his fault he had been born with limbs that wouldn’t listen to him anyway.
He didn’t doubt he would be able to do his work properly, but being back in a body which should have been his but didn’t feel like it was absolutely terrifying.
But even if it was the scariest situation he had been in, he also could not give up on it.
He didn’t know how or why he was back there, but if he could change the fate of his loved ones, he would make the sacrifice every single time - a different age or body wouldn’t stop him from trying to save his family. One thing he was worried about, though, was the uncertainty of whether he would ever return to his own timeline or not.
It wasn’t like he could ask anyone about it without being seen as a crazy person.
For now, he would have to focus on what he could do there.
He was going to be okay.
✩
He wasn’t okay.
As in, he was literally two seconds away from having a full breakdown, right in front of the fire station.
He kind of wanted to laugh at such an absurd situation - and he did, for a brief moment. He felt like he had lost his mind over it so many times in the past two days, it had become almost pathetically hilarious. Fortunately for him, no one was around to see him panic over this, and at least, one good thing about being sent to the past was that he could pretend it was due to the anxiety of starting his first day as a firefighter.
He took a deep breath and moved towards the entrance. Before walking in, he briefly cast a glance at his reflection in one of the glass windows and smiled contentedly - he was really glad he had decided to let his curls fall free from the unnecessary amount of gel he used to drown them in. He finally felt more like himself instead of a substitute in his own body.
He didn’t miss the cap either.
No wonder they had thought he was a playboy with that kind of appearance back then.
He walked inside.
The station was exactly the same as he remembered, but he still got a little choked up at being back there and hearing laughter upstairs. He had missed them laughing, missed his dad’s voice, missed the happiness that came from being around the people he loved the most. He slowly and quietly climbed the stairs leading to his famil - not yet, Buck, not yet - to his ‘new’ coworkers. He felt like crying as soon as he saw Bobby but vehemently fought against the tears to not give them a bad impression of himself.
He cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly at them.
‘Hello, I’m Evan Buckley,’ he said in a trembling voice. ‘The new recruit. I was told to report to Captain Nash ?’
He perfectly remembered what came next and while it had been mortifying the first time, he was simply glad to be there that day and see the older man again. So he kept his naive expression on and let them mess with him once more.
‘You know Captain Nash ?’ Bobby asked the other firefighters seriously. ‘You ? You ?’
Buck pretended to be confused for a moment before Bobby smiled at him and pushed a free chair towards him. ‘Take a seat, Evan.’
He laughed along with the other people around the table. ‘Buck. Everyone calls me Buck.’
‘Welcome to the 118, Buck.’
‘Thank you.’
Bobby patted his shoulder and told him to eat with the rest of them, which he did gratefully and a little teary-eyed.
They didn’t talk a lot and he didn’t dare disturb the mood by jumping too many steps at once, so he kept silent.
It was a little bit out of character for him, but he wasn’t too worried about this - he would get the opportunity to properly introduce himself later.
For now, he would just savour the scene in front of him.
He discreetly looked at Bobby.
Yeah, he thought.
He was going to be okay.