Chapter Text
The night had already fallen in modern Japan. Parents were leaving work, families were having dinner, children were sleeping ready for another ordinary tomorrow. That was normality.
However, among all the ordinary people in the city, there was one in particular, very important to this story.
From a shop on a dark street came a boy with black hair, terrifying eyes inherited from his mother, and a white, black, and orange tracksuit. That boy was Subaru Natsuki.
At that moment he was holding a plastic bag with instant ramen and some chips, ready to go home. Although, to be honest, Subaru thought it would be better to disappear from this world. He considered himself pathetic, someone who didn’t deserve the love and patience his parents had given him. Maybe the best thing for them was that he had never been born. Maybe the best thing was to vanish and never be seen again.
“Who would miss Subaru Natsuki?” If you asked the boy himself, the answer would be nobody.
—"They’d really be better off without me." —whispered Subaru as he prepared to head home.
—"Drop those depressing thoughts, scary eyes." —said a voice.
Before Subaru could react, he heard a particularly annoying voice, the kind that makes you want to kick someone in the balls.
Standing in front of Subaru Natsuki was a guy in a red leather suit, black and red eyes, with pistols and katanas. That guy was… Deadpool? What the fuck are you doing here, you idiot!?
"Isn’t it obvious? I came to be the crossover character in this fanfic, because the idiot author couldn’t think of anything better. Plus, I came to tell Subaru how awesome he is and ruin the plan of a certain greedy witch, a certain horny witch and a certain clown, hehe."
Seriously?
"Of course! Who doesn’t want good old Deadpool? My box office proves it: three movies and in all three I made more money than a goth girl on OnlyFans."
I… don’t have a counterargument for that.
"See? I win. Now get on with narrating, idiot, or I’ll go to your house and break your legs."
WHAT THE HELL!? Aren’t you supposed to be one of the good guys!?
"Yeah, but breaking someone’s legs once in a while isn’t that bad."
Do I really have to be the narrator of this story?
"Yes."
Well… at least this isn’t a Lonestar fanfic.
I know, that thing is garbage. Mmm… except ThinkMind’s version, that one’s good."
Well, looks like we can get along better than I thought.
“Yes, yes, yes. Then we’ll kiss when this chapter ends. Now keep narrating this story.”
Fine… ahem, ahem. In front of Subaru Natsuki stood the antihero who never shuts up: Deadpool.
—"Listen, I know you’re depressed, so that’s why I’m here." —said Deadpool with a smile.
—"Who are you talking to?" —asked Subaru, seriously considering calling the police.
Suddenly this guy appeared out of nowhere and started talking to thin air. Subaru was already fingering his phone in his pocket.
—"To the narrator. Ignore him, you’ll probably only see him in this fragment. Anyway, let’s change the subject, I want to talk to you." —said Deadpool, brushing off the fact that he looked like a lunatic who had just escaped from an asylum.
—"Me? Why would you want to talk to me?" —asked Subaru nervously.
—"Because that’s what a hero does. Don’t you recognize the suit?" —said Deadpool proudly.
Subaru analyzed the ridiculous guy’s outfit. That red color, those eyes, that voice…
—"No way!" —said Subaru, reaching a conclusion.
—"Ha, looks like you recognized the great dea…" —said Deadpool excitedly.
—"YOU’RE SPIDER-MAN! Wow, I never thought I’d see you in person. Though honestly your suit looks different than in the news. Did you change it like that time with the black suit? But as far as I remember you don’t carry katanas or pistols. Maybe the photos don’t come out right? Also, what are you doing in Japan? You’re always in New York, for some reason every disaster happens there: if it’s not the Green Goblin, it’s Hydra, Magneto, Venom, the Serpent Society or…" —said Subaru excitedly.
—"I’M NOT SPIDER-MAN! I’m Deadpool, Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, member of X-Force, the X-Men, the Avengers and also Nirvana." —shouted Deadpool ridiculously and embarrassingly.
—"Wait a second… Deadpool?" —asked Subaru.
—"Ha… looks like you finally recognized me." —said Deadpool.
—"YOU’RE THE GUY WHO BLEW UP THE X-MANSION LAST WEEK!" —said Subaru, wanting to call the police right then.
—"I’ll say it for the millionth time, it wasn’t my fault. Anyway, that mansion always explodes, I don’t know what lasts less: that mansion without exploding, Charles Xavier without dying in a movie, or Mappa without overworking its animators. Anyway, I was facing a deadly enemy, one that would endanger the world if left free, so one thing led to another and that’s why the mansion exploded." —said Deadpool.
—"So what villain were you fighting?" —asked Subaru.
Deadpool paused before making a fool of himself for the third time in this fanfic.
—"The Big Wheel." —said Deadpool with absurd seriousness.
The silence was so uncomfortable that even Reinhard van Astrea, in another world, felt it in the kingdom of Lugunica through his divine protections.
—"Are you sure you didn’t just make that up?" —asked Subaru.
—"Nope. Google it. Well, better not, because I’m not here to argue about minor details. Anyway… I wanted to talk to you, kid." —said Deadpool, taking a more serious stance.
—"What do you want to talk to me about?" —asked Subaru.
—"About your self-esteem. Listen, I know you’ve been dealing with inferiority complexes and all that, and I’m here to fix it." —said Deadpool.
—"What do you know? Wait… are you stalking me?" —asked Subaru, his hand in his pocket, ready to call the police.
—"No, of course not." —said Deadpool.
"Technically the stalkers are the ones reading this. Wait a second… Narrator, does that mean every AO3 reader is a stalker!?"
Well, I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, no, because you’re not real. You’re just characters in a story on a fanfic page! Stop starting pointless fights and debates!
"Okay, okay, calm down. No need to get aggressive."
—"Hey, you’re scaring me now… seriously, why are you talking to nothing?" —said Subaru, stepping back.
—"I told you that doesn’t matter. Anyway, back to the point: why do you belittle yourself? And no, I’m not stalking you, I just want to know why you feel that way, kid." —said Deadpool.
Part of Subaru wanted to run away at full speed and leave this crazy guy to his fate. But for some reason, he didn’t.
—"Because I’m not like my father…" —whispered Subaru quietly.
—"And what’s your father like?" —asked Deadpool, lowering his tone.
—"He… he’s amazing. Sociable, kind, everyone loves him. And me… I’m not that. I tried and only made things worse. I even gave up. I haven’t gone to school in months. Don’t you think I’m pathetic?" —asked Subaru with a bitter laugh.
—"Do you really think your father would want that?" —said Deadpool seriously.
—"No… but it’s just that I…" —said Subaru nervously.
—"Kid, it seems like you even think disappearing would be the best for them." —said Deadpool.
Subaru shuddered at those words, because they were true.
—"Well… I… it’s true." —admitted Subaru.
—"Stop thinking like that. Do you really think your parents would want you to think that way? They’d be devastated." —said Deadpool.
—"What do you know about my parents?" —asked Subaru.
—"Honestly, not much. But tell me, are they good parents?" —asked Deadpool.
—"Of course they are… they’re the best people I’ve ever known." —said Subaru.
—"Then I’m right. Any parent would want the best for their child." —said Deadpool.
Subaru fell silent at those words.
—"But I… I’m not like him." —said Subaru.
—"And you don’t have to be, kid. They want the best for you. Not being like your father doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re happy. And if you disappeared… don’t you think they’d feel responsible for that? If they’re good parents, I’m sure that’s what they’d think." —said Deadpool.
Subaru had nothing to counter Wade Wilson’s words.
—"You’re saying I don’t have to be someone…?" —asked Subaru in a low voice.
—"No. What I’m saying is be you, and only you. Believe me, you’re a good kid. I’m sure of it. You’re someone who deserves to be happy. Be Subaru Natsuki… and nothing else." —said Deadpool.
—"Why do you ask me to be Subaru Natsuki?" —asked Subaru, still doubtful.
—"Because you’re incredible, Subaru Natsuki." —said Deadpool firmly.
Without realizing it, tears began to run down Subaru’s face.
—"W-what… what is this?" —he asked as he looked at his wet hands.
—"Those are tears, kid. Listen, you’ve got a path ahead of you. Do me a favor: talk to them, tell them how much you love them, and be Subaru Natsuki." —said Deadpool, patting him on the shoulder.
For the first time in a long while, Subaru smiled sincerely.
—"Yes… and thank you so much, Deadpool. You don’t seem as bad as the news made you out to be." —said Subaru gratefully.
—"Well, that mustached guy Jameson exaggerates everything. Anyway, go to them and show what you’re capable of." —said Deadpool.
Deadpool gave him a shove in the chest with more force than he should have, causing Subaru to fall on his backside.
—"Ouch!" —exclaimed Subaru.
—"Ah, sorry kid. You okay?" —asked Deadpool, offering him a hand.
—"Yes, of course, I…" —said Subaru.
Before Subaru could take Deadpool’s hand, the mercenary vanished from the face of the earth.
Subaru, confused, stood up. Suddenly, the mercenary who had helped him had just disappeared.
—"What the hell just happened?"
IN THE WORLD OF OD LAGUNA, A FEW MINUTES EARLIER
High atop the Pleiades Watchtower, in the world of Od Laguna, silence was absolute. The tower rose like a scar in the middle of an endless desert, reminding everyone of the sin that had been sealed there four centuries ago.
Satella, the Witch of Envy, remained imprisoned in that place. Her name was synonymous with terror, for it was said she had devoured half the world in a fit of madness. Three legendary heroes —the Divine Dragon Volcanica, Reid Astrea, and the Great Sage Flugel— had joined forces to stop her, and with their sacrifice they managed to seal her in that prison.
But the story men told was incomplete. Satella was not a bloodthirsty monster. She had not asked for the power that consumed her, nor desired the tragedy it caused. Deep down, all she had wanted was something as human as love.
That love had a name: Flugel. The sage who had marked her life, the man for whom she would have given everything. She had lost him centuries ago… or so she thought.
Because recently she had found him. In a distant corner of the cosmos, his soul was in another world. It seemed that after dying, he had reincarnated again in the same world her beloved had come from. She needed to see him again, even just once more. And with all her power, she would bring him back.
But Satella was not naïve. She knew her world was full of monsters and omnipotent beings who could kill her beloved in an instant. That was something she could not allow. So she would give him a gift… an ability that could also be considered a curse, but that would always keep him safe from death: Return by Death.
With that ability, if something happened and there was no other choice, he could escape danger.
At that moment, Satella began to channel yin magic. The cost of power would be massive, but it would be worth it just to see him again. After a few minutes she finally found him. There was her beloved… apparently talking to someone, but at that point it didn’t matter. She had to do it no matter what.
The other half of Satella began to manifest: the voice of Envy, that personality born from the incompatible power of Envy.
—"Subaru… Subaru… Subaru…" —whispered endlessly, like a sick echo resonating in the tower.
Satella clenched her teeth, trying to maintain control.
—"Let me concentrate. This can only be done once." —said Satella.
—"I love him… I love him… I love him…" —responded Envy, more insistent each time.
—"Shut up! If you interrupt me, I could ruin everything."
—"I love him… I love him… I love him…"
—"Enough!"
—"I love him… I love him… I love him…"
Satella lost her patience.
—"If you keep this up I’ll…"
But before finishing the threat, the magic was unleashed. The teleportation was released with devastating force.
For a moment, Satella thought she had succeeded. That she had finally brought back her beloved.
Until Envy spoke with a strange tone.
—"Hey… wait a moment." —said Envy.
—"What now?" —asked Satella.
—"His soul… still feels distant. This… this isn’t Subaru." —said Envy, serious but hiding panic.
The silence grew heavy. Satella felt a chill run through her body. Both rushed to look at the portal.
And what they saw froze them.
It wasn’t Subaru who had crossed. It was someone completely different.
Both personalities realized they had just ruined the spell.
And at that moment they did the most logical thing in these cases: scream and panic.
—"WHAT… WHAT HAVE WE DONE!?"
CAPITAL OF LUGUNICA
The portal opened in the middle of the city, and from it came a man dressed in red, with pistols, katanas, and a ridiculous smile.
—"Ohhh yeah! They teleported me to another world!" —shouted Deadpool, raising his arms as if he had won the lottery.
People stared at him in bewilderment, while he continued his show.
—"This is awesome. Now I’m officially the protagonist of a cheap isekai. Attention, inhabitants of this medieval town, get ready to endure my charm and my bad jokes!"
Deadpool spun around, greeting the guards who didn’t know whether to attack him or run away.
—"And so begins the glorious life of Wade Wilson… from zero. Well, technically from zero plus one, because I already have three movies, a bunch of comics, and a canceled animated series. But you get the idea."
With that absurd declaration, Deadpool inaugurated his new existence in a world that had never asked for his presence… and that would soon discover how hard it was to survive with a Merc with a Mouth running loose in its streets.