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Julian Blackthorn just woke up. Not slightly, like leaving the kingdom of dreams in a soft, drunk embrace; his mind just cut away some other dull, ordinary rest, as his mind was a switch he turned on and off with his needs and responsibilities.
Responsibilities. A word that seems so light for some; however, to him, that word is as heavy as the rocks under Los Angeles' sea, stones that pulled him down to the depths of salty water. People have a lot of responsibilities when they are grown-ups; nevertheless, since Julian Blackthorn was twelve years old, he claimed duties even adults cannot handle themselves: being the hidden head of the Los Angeles Institute because your uncle lives inside books with boring ancient histories. Trying to save your eldest brother that was taken away for the Faerie; your eldest sister exiled so far that she seems to be living in another world; caring for while educating your younger siblings in Shadowhunter, human, and ethics topics daily so they can become healthy and decent beings. Easy peasy; everyone can do it, right?
He thought constantly everyone could do what he does. Otherwise, he would crumble to ashes in a blink.
Yet for today, that beautiful bright Sunday, where the beacons of warm light entered through his windows as an invitation to trail over the sand on the beach so far as his legs would take him, the boy's heart ached; his core burned in an endless pain. It's Mother's Day. Another event without Eleanor's welcoming hugs. That feels like the coldest circle of hell.
He was grateful for all those years he had his mom at his side. Her smile wide, her words wise, her presence so lovely only a mother can provide. Not this year anymore, not in the next years to come. Not while his soul walked in this world.
Julian's suffering was large, although the contemplation of year after year his siblings not having Eleanor with them hurt more than a strong demon offensive. Ty would never again see her understanding look when he did things that merely made Ty so unique; Livvy would never again feel the tender touch of the hairbrush that mom went through her longer hair with every night before bedtime; Dru would never again be put so up when she felt so down by clever words Eleanor gave her that even the world would be jealous of her; the baby Tavvy wouldn't know how it is to grow up with a mother always there for him, seeing all his changes and loving every bit of them. Even Mark and Helen could be here, with a mortal woman so tender and affectionate that Eleanor became their real mother in a way only souls could understand.
The feeling of loss cut so badly for Julian today. Yet, he cannot let the emotions kill him once more. He needed to swallow it down and move on. His kids need him. Arthur Blackthorn needed him. Emma needed him (even when she wasn't there and instead was hanging out with Cameron Ashdown, trying to forget what sort of pain that particular day caused in her as well). The institute needed him to keep its gears rolling on. He needed to carry on.
Pulling himself from bed, Julian stretched, staring at the towers, battlements, and thorns he painted on the walls, the lonely knight wandering... Toward it or being free of it? Each day the answer changed. This morning, the prince was being held captive by stones and thorns, toward a hollow darkness.
He got dressed in clothes that were closer and comfortable and left his room quickly. He needed to do something before making food for breakfast; he woke up earlier today for this.
Julian entered the institute head's office, pulled back the heavy wooden chair, sat down, took the pen and paper, and started to write. Another year, another letter to the Clave, begging for its mercy to take back Mark from the Wild Hunter and to let Helen leave the ruthless, frigid Wrangel Island.
Anyone who looked at him in this moment could think he was doing a task so mechanically he even didn't care to do it one more time. Actually, it was the opposite. Julian wrote word after word, fueled by hope. Hope he could reunite his family again, hope that they can be a full unit again, and hope that the prejudice against anybody half-seelie isn't strong enough an additional year to tear apart his loved ones. He would protect his family at all costs, with all weapons, crossbow or pen and ink.
Julian Blackthorn protects the family, no matter what, even if he dies in the process. His family was his most cherished treasure.
After handwriting the letter, he put it in a cream envelope. The wax thickly fell on it; the seal pressed heavy on his calloused hands. It was done; Julian wanted to believe this year would be different from the previous ones.
The boy departed from the office, his mind already tired and full of uninvited thoughts, yet the day had just started. Julian sighed when the familiar sound of a seat being dragged on the wood floor clicked above. Uncle Arthur probably didn't sleep last night.
Going down the institute's ladders, he was thinking about what types of toppings he could put on the pancakes. Something unexpected and cheerful; today was Mother's Day after all, and it was his duty to make everyone happier than feeling weird with the feeling of missing something special. He could do it.
Yet, when his feet touched the ground-level floor, he smelled something... Sweet? Coming directly from the kitchen with a strong clatter of pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
Laughter and happy shrieks completed the singular symphony.
Julian tensed with anticipation along with a bit of concern. His brothers and sisters in the kitchen were never a good arrangement, even less so in the early morning.
Stepping inside the room, the boy became immediately open-mouthed. He saw a lot of food, flour, and pancake mix spread all over the table, even a little of the last on the ceiling (probably Julian would call Malcom Fade to help with it). Livvy was standing in front of the stove, the fry pan upon a medium heat flame, flipping up a golden side of a pancake. Dru mixed with a large spoon a bowl with batter, spreading it out instead inside the container. Tavvy was at her side, smiling and, sometimes, eating the content, his little face delightfully dirty. Ty, with his large headphones, piled the food, decorating its top precisely with a strange-colored syrup and... Were those blueberries?
"What's happening here, folks?" Julian asked softly, knowing nothing about how to feel about it, but his heart clenching with something good his mind couldn't define.
"Surprise!" The four of them screamed to him, smiling wide and with eyes shining with pure joy.
"Happy Mother's Day, Julian!" Dru said, getting up from her chair and embracing her brother so hard that she stained his clothes with flour.
"Yup, yup!" Tavvy squeaked from his usual chair.
"But... But, you know" Julian said cautiously, measuring each word in his head, fearful of destroying that scenario so pretty he could paint and hang it in a museum. "Mom... Mom is not here anymore, and it should be me doing something special for you."
"Julian" Ty said calmly, his headphone now hanging loosely in his neck, holding the syrup bottle firmly. " We know it. That mom's is not here, but you are here for us."
"You've been here for us all these years. Always caring for us, yielding aid and love when we most need you. You work so hard for affording us a future, a happy and secure life, as any mother or father could do. As mom and dad did for us before." Livvy said with a discreet smile while turning off the stove and spun to stare at his eyes, with hers as teal as his, so expressive and innocent. "We wanted to return all your love today with a breakfast as special as the ones you always give to us. Today is a day to celebrate your love and hard work; for you, rest and leave us to take care of you."
For a moment, the words vanished. The clench in his heart hardened. He knew the feeling, an old friend when it came from his brothers and sisters. Happiness. He was so happy seeing his siblings in the kitchen, cooking, laughing, and preparing a delightful present for him; Julian didn't know what to say. He wanted just to embrace all of them at the same time and keep that sensation throughout eternity.
Furthermore, he took a deep breath, looking for each one with reverence and gratitude, a wide grin growing ever larger. The love for Ty, Livvy, Dru, Tavvy, Mark, and Helen was so intense that it could make his heart explode.
"I protect the family", he simply said, in his Julian way, the smile turning into a little grimace twitching his lips because the strong grip in his throat was making his voice hoarse and the not dropped tears sting his eyes. "I'll always be here for you. I'll always love and protect you all."
"We know it" Livvy smiled; now her grin was so familiar and, at the same time, so wise for her age. "And yet you are our family too. You've been our mother, our father, and our foundation for all these times. We protect the family too, Julian. You are our family"
"Come, Julian!" Dru broke free from their tight hug. "Let's eat! We had some coffee; the pancakes are delicious! Ty did runes of blueberries! Runes! They're so cute!"
"Let's go. Let's go eat, folks" Julian Blackthorn said after swallowing the lump in his throat. Seated at Tavvy's side, he helped fill glasses with an orange juice that seemed very watery. "Let's take a tasty meal. "
Maybe hope was not enough to save everything; nonetheless, while Julian Blackthorn had his family at his side, he could do and be anything in the world.