Archive of Our Own

seungkwannie

shua-hyung
can you come to the basketball field near the library?
location sent
jeonghan-hyung is suddenly in pre-rut. mingyu-hyung is in pre-heat as well here
hurry, it's not looking good
15.20 p.m.

“Jeonghan…”

There’s no reply, only soft pants against Joshua’s ear as hot breath descends his nape. He gasps when Jeonghan pushes him firmly to the wall. It’s as if a switch was flipped inside Jeonghan and the alpha is stripped to his baser instinct. Joshua goes pliant as it won’t be good to aggravate an alpha that’s about to go into a rut.

He lets himself be manhandled as his body is pinned against the wall. Sweat pours down Joshua’s back and his face tinged red with embarrassment. Joshua doesn’t flinch when he feels Jeonghan slowly rests his head on his shoulder, nuzzling the neck obsessively and in reverence. Scenting him.

Even this close, Joshua’s beta nose could barely detect Jeonghan’s scent—a warm coconut and vanilla, with a hint of charred wood, oh so peculiar and so Jeonghan.

It's Joshua’s favorite scent. His heart clenches at that reminder.

(Joshua, like any other betas, doesn’t possess the natural skill of heightened smell like alphas and omegas. Betas can smell when a scent is overwhelmingly targeted towards them or if they’re pressed directly on an alpha or omega’s scent glands. Most of them lived their lives not knowing what they smell like because a beta doesn’t emit strong scents.

Joshua, unlike most betas, knows his own scent. Mild lavender and burnt sugar, Jeonghan had told him once when he had asked the older to describe his scent.

Smells like home, the alpha whispers against Joshua’s ear which made him dizzy with want and guilt.)

When Joshua received the messages from Seungkwan, he felt satisfied and guilty. Satisfied, because his hindbrain is ecstatic that Seungkwan saw Joshua as someone important to be notified about Jeonghan’s rut cycle. Guilty, an after-product of that satisfaction itself because Joshua knew the “someone important” meant differently between him and Seungkwan.

Dear God, Joshua needs to calm down before he does something stupid.

With the way the alpha’s acting right now, Joshua would give him at least fifteen minutes before Jeonghan is officially rutting. He couldn’t smell much difference of the alpha’s scent since he’s a beta but it’s not the first time Joshua finds himself in this position.

He’s been through enough trial-and-errors to be able to estimate Jeonghan’s breaking point. Figuring out when Jeonghan’s rut starts isn’t the hard part—

The alpha’s teeth grazes Joshua’s scent gland on his neck, cutting his train of thoughts. Joshua can’t help but shiver, frightened and aroused. “Jeonghan,” he squeaks, flustered and trying to look at the alpha that’s now gnawing at the slope of his neck. Joshua moans, ticklish and needy, as Jeonghan deliberately laps at his throat.

—ripping himself away from Jeonghan is the hard part.

The air around them is electrifying, tension undeniable. Joshua’s heart beats quickly akin to a prey who’s fallen into the predator’s trap. Jeonghan feels surreal in arms, peppering kisses and mouthing the junction of his shoulder and neck. Joshua almost begs him to bite there, to leave a mark of the divine. He could feel Jeonghan’s cruelly beautiful smirk against his pliant flesh. He could also hear their family’s horrified gasp of horror ringing in his head.

The alarms are blaring in his mind. Push away! Run! Stop it!

Yet, Joshua almost growls in disdain when Jeonghan’s head lifts away from his neck; almost purrs in content when Jeonghan then puts their forehead together. Jeonghan’s skin feels so hot against his own, sweat dribbling from his forehead and it takes a lot of self-control for Joshua to not lick the sweat dripping down the alpha’s cheekbones. He likes the skin contact, likes it when they’re intimate and pressing against each other with no space between them, as if molding each other to conjoint and become one. He likes it despite knowing the mistakes they've made.

Joshua Hong, a pathetic hypocrite dressed in moral ambiguity. He huffs a deprecating chuckle that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan. God, Joshua’s spiraling and Jeonghan is...

Jeonghan is eyeing him—how can one simple act be feel good and bad at the same time? Jeonghan’s dilated eyes trace his face, the crease in his brows, the red in his cheeks, the slope of his neck. It feels possessive, and a big part within Joshua preens at the attention.

It feels heady. All Joshua could think about is the beautiful, poisonous affection filling his lungs and the ugly, miserable truth that makes him gasp for forgiveness. Forgiveness to Jeonghan. Forgiveness for—

(Forgiveness for what? What was his role in this twisted story? Was he Eve who wanted something she wasn’t allowed to have and decided to tempt her lover, or was he Adam who allows himself to be tempted in the first place?)

“Jeonghan…”

“Hm?”

(Or maybe he’s the snake, condemned to hell for wanting something that it's not allowed to have and destined to tempt and tempt and tempt.)

Jeonghan is scenting him—Joshua Hong, the gyopo beta that still struggle with Korean words and social cues in Korea. Joshua lets out a shaky breath as their scent mingle and mix. It settles into their skin, and Lord please forgive him, but it smells so heavenly, so beautiful, so perfect, like an awakening and blasphemy at the same time. It smells uniquely them.

He couldn’t even blame it on pheromones because he’s not an omega; he has neither the scent that would easily attract alphas nor the instinct to take care of alphas in rut. Joshua isn’t built to be Jeonghan’s equal, it’s their destiny, etched in their biology.

And it’s not even the worst part.

A hand grabs his chin, thumb and forefinger locking his jaw. Joshua’s breath hitches as his face’s tilted in such way that his eyes finally meet Jeonghan’s. There’s a deep carnal desire in those dark eyes, from rut and something much more genuine despite the impurity. Joshua is hypnotized under it, he’s never been able to deny Jeonghan anything when the alpha looks like this, angelic in appearance and devilish in action.

It doesn’t really matter, Jeonghan is attractive no matter what and Joshua couldn’t look away from the breathtaking view in front of him. Joshua could see his own hunger reflected in those black orbs. He licks his lips and his appetite skyrockets when he sees Jeonghan’s eyes follow the trace of his tongue.

Here comes the worst part:

Jeonghan is kissing him—his twin brother.

The kiss is rough and desperate, the alpha holding Joshua’s chin in a deadly grip, almost bruising. Rather than a kiss, it’s much more appropriate to call it a bite for how their teeth clank animalistically, low growls emitting from the older’s throat. Jeonghan’s tongue fights for entry, basically smushing Joshua’s cheeks to pucker up and Joshua can’t help but open his mouth at the rough treatment. Joshua moans, a masochist at heart, and he grasps Jeonghan’s shoulders as he lets the dominating tongue in.

It’s disgustingly delicious, drool drips down from the edge of Joshua’s lips. Jeonghan moans lewdly, eyes wet and half-lidded with lust. Pain-pleasure sparks within Joshua as Jeonghan jams his thumb into his mouth, forcing it to open wider. The beta whimpers at the territorial display but chooses to stay limp, vulnerable for Jeonghan to take. It gives more access for Jeonghan to glide his tongue in, as if he’s imprinting himself inside Joshua, mapping the inside of his mouth and tracing the path of his canines.

It’s clear the rut’s getting to Jeonghan. Bad and fast.

But what does that say about Joshua? He doesn’t return the kiss, doesn’t bite into the forbidden fruit no matter the starvation that sits in his teeth—but he doesn’t move. He is still letting it happen, struggling to swallow their mixed saliva around the tongue that’s tracing the roof of his mouth.

Joshua lets himself enjoy it; lets the hand on his chin stay and angles his head for a better entrance; lets the other hand wander all over his body. His body relaxes in the sinful act of misguided love, arms falling limply beside him and tears prickled his eyes. Joshua swallows the groans and moans Jeonghan spills out with greed unbecoming of him. He keeps it within him, labeling it with his name and locking it safely with care and possessiveness. Joshua keeps his eyes open, burning the image of a needy and pleasured Jeonghan in his mind. The visual of Jeonghan like this, turned on and desperate, is a banquet that Joshua would forever worship.

As the kiss gets hungrier, impatient and raw—sincere, something within Joshua stirs. Dread crawls inside him and he could taste the terror like a bile burning his throat. Hot blood rushes under his skin with intoxicating arousal sizzling as well as the cold wave of guilt that washes his body. It’s all too much and Joshua wants to push Jeonghan away and get out of there just as much as he wants to mark Jeonghan and the latter to mark him.

It’s too much. It’s everything Joshua wanted.

(What is wrong with them? There’s something seriously wrong with them. Nature vs. nurture, as the psychologists said.

Maybe there’s a gene mutation or some nerves in their brain develop incorrectly that made them like this. But even their natural dynamics wasn’t a match—romantic couples aren’t commonly composed of alphas and betas, although there are still a few percentages of them.

Maybe there’s something wrong with their family, parents divorced and now living different lives as Yoon and Hong. But Jeonghan’s younger sister—their half-sister—wasn’t in love with him and their friends with divorced parents have no romantic affection for their siblings.

Deep down, they both know who’s at fault for this.)

The fact that Jeonghan is the one who pulls away first speaks volumes about Joshua—his indecisive action, his unwavering adoration, his unresolved addiction. Though, Joshua is sure no one could blame him for his inaction if they know how Jeonghan’s kiss tastes like. The tides of emotions that Jeonghan could somehow encapsulate in a kiss could drown anyone, heavenly and dreadful.

Yoon Jeonghan is truly a terribly pretty picture made to destroy Hong Jisoo: panting, cheeks crimson from the lack of oxygen and passion, eyes intense and filled with arousal, craving for touch. With the way Jeonghan’s looking at him, predatory and drooling and heady with need, Joshua knows he looks just as tantalizing and griveous.

Their lips are still connected by a string of saliva and Joshua instinctively licks Jeonghan’s mouth to break it. The alpha stares down at where Joshua’s tongue meets his lips. The lips transform into a manic smile, showing all teeth, and Jeonghan laps his fangs with his tongue, slow and sultry, as if he’s savoring the aftertaste. Joshua’s eyes trace the swipe of his tongue, entranced and hypnotized. The view before him goes straight to Joshua’s dick and he could feel the tent in his pants twitches. It’s a miracle they’re both still standing.

They both collect their breaths as Jeonghan rubs his face onto the slope of Joshua’s neck again, peppering it with kisses. Joshua leans his head to the wall, giving Jeonghan easier access to his collarbones which the alpha happily nuzzles into, lightly outlining it with his teeth. He wants to push Jeonghan away but lust clouds his mind and his hands stay useless beside his body. Instead, Joshua bites his lips to stop himself from moaning his brother’s name, breathless and blissful as Jeonghan nibbles on his skin.

Jeonghan’s hands are busy below, grabbing Joshua’s waist tightly, and the beta moans when he feels something hard rubbing against his thigh. His face heats up as he realizes Jeonghan’s chasing friction and gnawing at his shoulder, his pants hot from the motion and his shirt wet from the slobbering. Joshua gasps when Jeonghan lifts his thigh, maneuvering it to press directly and firmly against the alpha’s clothed crotch. It’s big and hard and Joshua wants to taste him on the tip of his tongue, he knows for certain that the head is already drooling with pre-cum.

The hand on his thigh kneads indulgently, squishing the fat and muscle, and embarrassment pools in his stomach at how little Jeonghan cares for his comfort or consent. It’s much more mortifying when Joshua’s dick hardens even more at the treatment and shame washes over him. There’s something attractive about Jeonghan ignoring Joshua’s pleasure and only focusing on his own—

—He needs to think straight. It seems like Jeonghan’s about to drop soon.

Focus.

The beta lets his twin continue grinding against him and opens his phone, ignoring the concerned messages from their friends. Joshua reads the time and sighs, half from lust and half from relief. Based on his earlier estimation, there’s only about five minutes left before Jeonghan succumbs to rut. Joshua needs to be quick. He knows there’s enough food and drinks in the unit for Jeonghan’s rut. He just needs to bring Jeonghan back to the latter’s room and runs back to his own unit to take care of his own hard on.

Despite what most of their friends think, they didn’t live together. It’s a decision made by Jeonghan back when they had consciously and actively pushed away their urge to claim one another. Instead, they chose to be neighbours, units facing each other, to soothe their parents’ worries and to appease their mutual possessiveness.

Seungcheol, their mutual friend, loved to joke about their attachment issues with each other. He laughed at them once, saying how they were both overprotective of the other.

(Oh, Seungcheol, if only you know.)

Joshua’s physically stronger than Jeonghan, alpha genes be damned, so he forcefully pulls Jeonghan’s grip away from his body. The growl that follows is adorable and wrong and oh so sexy. Adorable, because even though Jeonghan’s an alpha, he has a limited low vocal range, so he looks like a pitiful bunny with tears in his eyes from the “rejection”. Wrong, because Jeonghan shouldn’t have growled at Joshua in the first place, it’s not the latter’s privilege. Sexy, because it’s Yoon-fucking-Jeonghan and the glare is dark and commanding and Joshua knows enough about himself to accept that he likes the idea of yielding to Jeonghan a little too much.

It took Joshua’s a while to gather his thoughts and stop himself from salivating and crumbling to Jeonghan’s clear intention to eat him up. “Hey,” he pats Jeonghan’s hair, trying to get his twin to focus and listen to him. Jeonghan hums, disgruntled on being interrupted. He’s in the process of making a hickey on Joshua’s collarbone, the plane of skin wet and numb from the biting, and Joshua hopes the hickey won’t show because he needs to stop them now.

“Let’s get you to bed, okay, hyung?” Joshua makes sure to sound apologetic and encouraging to soften the blow of being turned down. He even uses that Korean age hierarchy title—because Jeonghan loves the fact that he was born 4 minutes earlier and he probably has a fetish for Joshua calling him hyung, probably a byproduct from Korean culture thing that Joshua doesn’t understand—to appease the alpha’s ego. Jeonghan in rut isn’t a person who could take rejection with grace, Joshua could feel the ghost of bruises on his wrists and neck from previous runs.

Thankfully, Jeonghan nods immediately and lets himself be pulled into his room with minimum grumbling. Joshua drags and throws them both to bed, Jeonghan sighing in relief at the soft and cool mattress against his skin. Meanwhile, Joshua makes sure to deliberately rub his scent glands all over the bed, blanket, pillows, anything that’s on the surface. Hopefully it will be enough for Jeonghan’s rut and Joshua wouldn’t have to face the consequences of his worse actions like the ruts before.

Looking at his twin, he chuckles when he sees the alpha already putting his face on the newly scented pillow. Jeonghan doesn’t even lift his face when his neck glands are rubbed with Joshua’s wrist glands, choosing to snuggle deeper into the sheets and growling in contentment. It’s a good thing in Joshua’s book as it means that Jeonghan’s too tired to fight back now, thus he could leave the alpha to his own devices.

Just as Joshua gets up, there’s arms snaking around his waist. Jeonghan leans his head on Joshua’s stomach while the latter is in a kneeling position on the bed, knees dipping into the soft mattress. The embrace is tight and secure, effectively preventing Joshua from leaving the room without hurting Jeonghan’s feelings. The alpha stares up at him in confusion and Joshua relaxes under the hold, trying to pass off as normal.

Because Joshua is a terrible liar in front of his brother, it doesn’t work, the bleary eyes turn sharp and annoyed. “Shuji,” Jeonghan croaks out, voice hoarse from the lack of use for the past hour, barely a whisper, “where are you going?” There’s a hint of possessiveness in his voice, silent and deadly.

Joshua gently cups Jeonghan’s cheek, the latter nuzzling the gland on his wrist. It’s a known fact between them that despite being a beta, his scent is also Jeonghan’s favorite.

It’s a stroke of mercy in their situation, as Joshua’s status as a beta wouldn’t trigger or worsen Jeonghan’s rut. His scent doesn’t have enough pheromones to do so. Had Joshua been something other than beta, he could probably smell how potent Jeonghan’s smell is and how far gone Jeonghan is. But had that happened, there’s a huge chance that Joshua would jump Jeonghan by now. Joshua’s lacking pheromones and thin scents have been a saving grace in controlling their thirst for each other.

That doesn’t mean Jeonghan doesn’t want to touch him though. There’s a reason why it was Jeonghan who used to be the one pushing Joshua out of the room when his rut finally kicked in. There’s a reason why they’ve fucked a few times when Jeonghan couldn’t stop himself and Joshua was too young and stupid and very much enamored by the beauty that is Yoon Jeonghan to stop them.

There’s a reason why they’ve done it even outside of Jeonghan’s rut.

They’ve done it all: kissing, making out, getting handsy, sex—everything that twin brothers shouldn’t be doing. All done quietly and behind closed doors, or in places where there’s no one who knows them. The shame and self-loathing the day after never beat the thrill, satisfaction, and sick infatuation they felt the whole time. The butterfly fluttering in his chest is louder than the guilt clawing in his throat. Jeonghan’s shy peck on his lips the morning after, innocence born from sin itself, fills his mind more than the gossip circulating about their unnatural dynamic, more than the messed-up words his brain conjures regarding their affair.

(See, pheromones were never the problem, it’s—)

“Back to my unit,” he whispers back, fondly looking at Jeonghan as the alpha kisses his wrist. After all, Joshua’s job was only to bring Jeonghan back to his room. He had allowed Jeonghan to kiss and hump against him. That should be enough—it had to be. He will not be Eve, Adam, or the snake in this tragic love story. Jeonghan would understand where he’s coming from. He would let go, apologize, and—

Joshua frowns when the arms around him tighten even more and Jeonghan’s head is pressed against his stomach again. A sense of dread and sick pleasure courses through Joshua.

“Why? Did you need anything?” the alpha mumbles into Joshua’s clothes. The room feels warmer then and the smell of coconut and wood is a bit stronger now. Jeonghan must’ve exuded his pheromones instinctively even if Joshua wouldn’t be affected by it. Still, the cloying heat is getting to him, giving Joshua a false sense of security. There is nothing safe about being close with a Yoon Jeonghan in rut if you are Hong Jisoo.

Case in point: Jeonghan lifts head upwards and Joshua gulps at the alpha’s delicate yet sinful face. A Morningstar, indeed, full of seduction and allure no men could resist. The canines gleam perfectly, framed by a devilish smile. He must know what Joshua’s trying to do and yet…

“Shua-ya, aren’t you going to help me?” he coaxes, tone teasing despite the innuendo behind the words. Jeonghan’s eyes are shamelessly running up and down Joshua’s body, as if undressing the latter in his mind. The smile slowly changes into a wolfish grin when he sees the tent on the beta’s jeans that the latter couldn’t hide.

Realizing the meaning and the eyes on his hard on, Joshua’s face flushes red shamefully at the behavior. Still, he doesn’t crumble under the blatant stare, despite the alpha’s mocking croons at Joshua’s flustered look. “I’ve packed your food for this cycle. And my unit is literally in front of yours, Hannie,” he mutters as he pinches Jeonghan’s warm cheek, unable to stop himself from touching.

The alpha’s eyes narrow and Joshua could feel those orbs tracing his lips, still warm and swollen from the kiss before. Jeonghan scoffs, “You know that’s not the help I meant, Shua, stop being coy.”

And Joshua does know that—Jeonghan is eyeing his lips, after all. In fact, he’s the one who told Jeonghan of its double meaning. It was back when Joshua first came back to Korea and lived with the Yoons. He had realized then that there were many cultural differences between the US and Korean’s cycle culture.

One of those being the term helping someone during a cycle.

In Korea, helping someone during a cycle is by providing them with food and care periodically.

In US, or at least Los Angeles, helping means giving them a hand in sexual activity typically in a cycle.

It had been a dark, scandalous anecdote produced from miscommunication. Jeonghan, jittery during his first pre-rut, had begged Joshua to help him with his rut. Joshua, brain still functioning like an American and an indecent creature who had fallen in love with his own twin brother, had helped Jeonghan by giving him handjobs and blowjobs.

Joshua, young and stupid and in love, had lit the flame.

The day after the rut ended, it was humiliating. The thought that his brother had loved him back and the act of dubious sex they had done. He had cried with big, fat, sullied tears when he realized that his brother wasn’t attracted to him like that, like how he is. Jeonghan, young and no less stupid and hates hurting his brother, had assured him with it’s alright, Shua, I understand and I want you to be happy and sealed it all with an intimate kiss on the glands of Joshua’s neck.

It had felt like the kiss of a first love back then, so innocent and reassuring and it made Joshua fall even harder for his twin. Now, it felt like a Judas’ kiss—a sweet gesture hiding an impending doom and he refuses to be the one to ruin his brother. Not anymore, at least.

(Yes.

He had been the disgusting person who fell in love and selfishly acted on it. Joshua was the one who sullied Jeonghan, corrupting his own twin brother with this carnal desire to touch his brother’s skin and flesh with his teeth.

If only Joshua had confirmed, if only Joshua rejected him, if only, if only—

All of this had been Joshua’s fault.)

Joshua doesn’t reply with anything else, after all his brother could smell a lie, especially one coming out from the beta’s mouth, from kilometers away. Instead, he’s restless and his eyes wander to the door multiple times, a fact that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan.

The hug is claustrophobic, Jeonghan is caging him in his arms, eyes boring on Joshua’s face obsessively. The tension in the room thickens significantly. Even a beta like Joshua could smell the sex in the air and Jeonghan’s increasing libido. He could see the hunger in the alpha, gaze unrelenting and intense, as if searching for something in Joshua’s eyes.

Joshua sighs and calms himself down. Do not lead us into temptation, he prays silently knowing it isn’t heard. He had begged to God about this everyday for 5 years and still he’s tempted—still carding his fingers on Jeonghan’s blonde hair, palm sitting on the cheek he had pinched; still shredding the urge to kiss, to touch, to bite and be bitten, to possess, to consume his dear brother.

God, Joshua is such a disgrace, isn’t he?

 “I can’t give you that, Jeonghan,” Joshua’s tongue is heavy in his mouth. The admission makes him feel very tired and drained. “It’s wrong,” he says it in a hoarse whisper, guilt and sadness finally surfacing, breaking through the surface of his distressed expression.

The arms around Joshua are rigid and he could hear a growl from below. “Why so, Shua?” Jeonghan whispers but it sounds very loud in the quiet room. The temperature in the room increases as Jeonghan’s scent is probably souring after receiving another rejection. But it’s okay, Joshua thinks, Jeonghan would understand.

As if hearing his thoughts, Jeonghan glares at him. The irritation and chagrin in his eyes surprises Joshua immensely, the beta blinking at the clear agitation in his tone. “You avoided me and ran during my previous rut cycle last month. And the ones before that too. Why?”

The you always helped me so why are you doing this now? is left unsaid but Joshua could hear the accusation and disdain loud and clear. He can’t help but feel guilty then. Joshua had indeed done that, acting selfishly again in hopes of protecting them while disregarding his twin’s needs. Jeonghan has always been a glutton for love, especially during rut, and Joshua has always been nothing but a slave to the desire to please him.

He’s still like that now, despite the resistance he puts. “I can give you my clothes,” Joshua tries to compromise while his hands finally reach the arms looping at his waist and trying to pull them apart.

The arms don't budge and the alpha hisses, showing his teeth domineeringly, “You know what I want, Joshua.”

Jeonghan doesn’t really give him a choice after that: Joshua gasps in surprise when Jeonghan uses his strength to pull Joshua into the bed. The beta yelps when he’s yet again being manhandled. This time he’s laying down beside Jeonghan, the latter’s arm still glued to his waist.

Joshua scowls in warning, “Jeonghannie…” It’s not a scold, Jeonghan’s emotion is fluctuating rapidly due to his rut and Joshua doesn’t want to trigger the alpha’s instinct to “reprimand and put him in place”. This isn’t the first time they’ve rough housed during sex.

Jeonghan raises one of his eyebrows in return, chin high in defiance. It’s a childish way to challenge him but it’s a show of dominance nonetheless, a rare alpha display made by Jeonghan. Joshua can’t fully curb down the satisfaction of being needed like this. It’s flattering to be on the receiving end of an alpha’s attention, especially one like Yoon Jeonghan. Joshua could list down names of alphas, betas, and omegas who would do anything to have Jeonghan looking at their way.

Still, Joshua tries again. “I’ll ask someone to help—,”

He’s cut off by Jeonghan’s snicker, his canines glinting even in the dark room. Joshua shots him a look but the alpha just giggles at him.

“Oh, Shua, my Joshua,” the alpha sighs out while brushing the bangs near Joshua’s eyes. The intimate act and the condescending tone make Joshua feel strangely embarrassed and annoyed; his face turns red involuntarily. Jeonghan sweetly thumbs his cheek and smiles pitifully, “It’s cute that you think you would be able to ask someone to help me.”

Joshua bites the bottom of his lips. He feels lightheaded and he wants to laugh along at whatever Jeonghan’s laughing about. “What are you talking about.” It’s not funny though, nothing of their situation is humorous. How dare he insinuate that. As if Joshua is a child that refuses to share his toys, as if Jeonghan belongs to him.

Shame colours his face again when the alpha chooses to ignore him, as if everything Joshua’s been saying and doing means nothing. Jeonghan pats his head and cooes at his miserable state, like how the older used to comfort him back when they’re younger and he’s homesick. Joshua’s should be angry—how dare he treated him patronizingly? But what does it say about Joshua for feeling even more turned on at the indifference?

Still smiling, Jeonghan hums and confesses, “I’d reject all of them anyway, so don’t even try to do it.” He says it so easily that Joshua’s unable to process it at once. To make things worse for Joshua’s mind, Jeonghan leans closer and licks the beta’s neck. It’s a pseudo-claim and Joshua almost lets out a whimper. The urge to submit is there but—no.

He should reject the touch. He has to. That’s always been Joshua’s problem, hasn’t it? He always confuses instinct for desire. It's not a touch, rather, a bite: lust blossoming from Jeonghan’s hunger and his wrongdoings.

“Shua-ya,” Jeonghan mumbles against his neck. Joshua belatedly realizes that the hands on his waist are slowly climbing under his shirt. Jeonghan’s dainty, cold fingers dance on Joshua’s bare, warm skin on his back, his stomach, his chest, everywhere. Joshua whines, mostly from pleasure. It feels obscene, despite them still in their clothes and just touching each other.

It gets too much too quickly when one of Jeonghan’s hands travels down to the button of his jeans. Joshua grabs the offending limb and tries to push the alpha away, but the latter wouldn’t move even a centimeter. Their eyes meet and Joshua gasps at how famished Jeonghan looks, darkness pooling his eyes, mouth salivating at the feast before him.

Shit. Jeonghan’s rut is starting. Joshua should remove himself immediately. Not again. Let himself be damned in this ruination, but he refuses to guide his own brother into demise. Fuck, he’s panicking. No. No. Joshua can’t let this happen again, not when his brother could get someone better, someone appropriate, someone—

“Shua,” Jeonghan’s commanding tone cuts through Joshua’s spiraling thoughts.

He snaps out of his panic, eyes find Jeonghan’s bleary red ones. He can feel Jeonghan’s body buzzing with tremors. Drool falls from the alpha’s lips and he’s breathing heavily again, taking controlled breaths one at a time. His eyes sheen with tears, frustrated and lustful. Joshua realizes that Jeonghan is reining in his animalistic instinct, his urge to take Joshua right there and then like he always had, to have this stupid conversation. For Joshua’s sake. Again.

That makes Joshua feel infinitely worse. First, he failed to leave Jeonghan alone and help him. Now, he’s hindering Jeonghan from receiving proper care and needs an alpha in rut deserves. God, why does he keep on doing the wrong thing?

Tears of irritation, at himself, wells up in Joshua’s eyes and he shoves Jeonghan, hard and purposeful, doing everything he can to get away from his twin brother. Jeonghan tsks and growls at the disobedience and Joshua swallows the itch to submit down at the alpha before him. Joshua’s desperately fighting against his desire. It feels like a knife pierced through his soul but he knows it’s for the best, it’s what’s right for them. For Jeonghan’s sake.

After that mess of the first rut, Jeonghan never spent his rut with anyone else, choosing to be either alone or spending it with Joshua. The reason is clear as day: Jeonghan cares about him too much and is appeasing Joshua’s burden of love.

Their love has always been one-sided, but the care between them isn’t. This whole arrangement was caused by him for his own selfish happiness.

This time, Joshua promised himself to stop being fucking greedy. To let Jeonghan go. To let Jeonghan find someone and bedded them instead of being shackled by Joshua and his insatiable whims.

The problem is why won't Jeonghan let him go? Why won’t Jeonghan understand him?

Joshua doesn’t understand his brother at times, the latter could have anyone he wants and isn’t as morally compromised as Joshua is and yet, he refuses to step out of the open door. Instead, here they are, wrestling on the bed, each trying to get the upper hand. Usually, Joshua would win immediately because he’s the stronger one. However, Jeonghan has the advantage of being in a rut and Joshua’s reluctance to make his brother truly upset. By the look of anger on Jeonghan’s face and the snarls echoing the room, he’s feeling much more than upset already. Joshua needs to play his cards right or he's screwed.

It’s a battle of control.

Joshua somehow manages to escape the prison-like embrace, his shirt rumpled and some of the buttons fallen off, from Jeonghan’s death grip. He tries to leave again but Jeonghan grabs him by the back of his neck and slams him down to the bed. The grip is rough and harsh. Joshua knows there’s going to be a mark in the shape of a hand on his neck from how harsh Jeonghan grabs him.

Their position is indecent and obscene. Joshua could feel Jeonghan’s hard crotch pressing against the swell of his ass and moans when the latter grinds down on him. The alpha’s dick feels heavy and huge even with the fabrics between them and Joshua’s mouth waters in arousal. Fuck.

Jeonghan humps on Joshua’s rear, the alpha instinct kicking in. The groans and sighs of pleasure that leave Jeonghan’s lips sound like music to Joshua’s ears. He bites down the humiliating whimper that’s crawling up his throat—he will not give Jeonghan any indication of him enjoying this.

He can’t help himself but savor the wonderful feeling of solid, throbbing cock pressing on his ass. Joshua had to stop himself multiple times from rutting against the bed, his own dick straining and drooling in his pants Distantly, he feels glad that his face is hidden. This way, at least, Jeonghan wouldn’t see how hot his face is, with wet eyes and mouth panting in shame from the position and Jeonghan’s degrading motions.

When Jeonghan’s hips stutter and his desperate, his grips wavering from pleasurable haze, the beta knows it’s a sign that his brother is close. That’s when Joshua decides to stop it; immediately flipping them around with renowned strength.

He’s now on top of Jeonghan, restraining his brother’s arms by the wrists. Jeonghan snarls, teeth sneering and face simmering with frustration, betrayal and rage shining in his dark eyes. His hips still rise to find friction against Joshua’s clothed dick, thrusting upwards and jostling Joshua a few times. It’s a strange deja-vu from when they’re against the wall. Annoyingly typical of Jeonghan, despite how his body is reacting, he still looks like he’s in control, like all of this is part of his grandiose plan.

Joshua is entranced with the view below him. Every time they did this, he had never been on top, body looming and hovering over Jeonghan’s. He’s usually the one lying in bed, shaking and whimpering like Jeonghan’s wet dream. It feels new and refreshingly sexy. He burns the image in his memory, after all it’s not like he’s going to see Jeonghan like this ever again.

Joshua sighs when Jeonghan wouldn’t stop thrashing around under him. Jeonghan wrestles against the hold but Joshua doesn’t budge. It continues for minutes and Joshua tries to soothe his brother’s ire. “Hannie…,” the younger pleads, “calm down.”

The alpha bares his teeth, fangs sharp and hungry for a bite. It’s a smile Jeonghan always makes before destroying Joshua in bed. Joshua loves and hates that smile. He wants to taste it so bad.

Jeonghan stops struggling, going lax at Joshua’s pleading. He’s not pliant, though, watching Joshua with intensity akin to a predator prowling on its prey. Joshua could see his brother controlling himself again, canines hidden behind an arrogant, small smile.

“Since when did you care about how wrong this is?” Jeonghan tilts his head. Joshua shivers at the cold anger seeping in his voice. It seems like he’s out for a kill and Joshua’s his sole target.

“Aren’t you a little too late for that, Shua? I mean, a whole 3 years has passed since we’ve officially done this,” he points out, a tad too gleeful that Joshua wants to punch him in the face. The calm expression twists into something ugly, more protective and jealous. “Unless you’ve found someone else. In which case, you should’ve told me so I can approve—”

“—There’s no someone,” Joshua cuts him off, stopping Jeonghan’s train of thoughts before it bordered on the latter’s possessiveness. God knows what kind of things Jeonghan would make them do for that so-called “approval”. He’s seen enough men and women being intimidated and grilled by Jeonghan just from them buying Joshua a drink or flirting with him. Besides, the idea of liking someone other than Jeonghan is absurd. If it was possible, Joshua would’ve done that since the first time he felt something romantic for his own brother.

"Then?" It’s an order, not a request, for him to explain himself.

“It’s wrong,” Joshua says carefully, trying to get his point across. He really doesn't want to explain it during a cycle. There’s a possibility that Jeonghan’s mind is compromised by his rut.

Jeonghan sighs as if he’s dealing with a spoiled brat and Joshua fights the urge to roll his eyes. They're still brothers, after all. “I know it’s wrong, Shua, and I know you know, you’re not stupid,” Jeonghan says sarcastically, expression haughty.

Momentarily, Joshua’s in awe at Jeonghan’s control of his lust. It takes a lot of energy and mental training to be able to hold a conversation when someone’s in rut or heat, let alone to act all high and mighty like Jeonghan. The alpha's refusal to be chained by his feral instinct should be heralded. 

It makes him sad and pathetic over himself. Joshua is a beta, someone who doesn't even have any strong animal urge or cycles, and yet... If only Joshua had that kind of strength to control too back then, all of this wouldn’t have happened. Jeonghan wouldn’t have to be stuck with him.

His moodiness must’ve shown in his face because Jeonghan tilts his head and frowns in frustration. He's probably trying to analyze Joshua but is hindered by his rut’s sex-craze, thus coming up blank. It probably drives Jeonghan crazy, he had always been proud for being able to read Joshua like an open book, especially since Joshua doesn’t wear his heart on a sleeve.

Jeonghan tries anyway. “I’m just saying, you’re not doing this for whatever puritan bullshit you probably came up with. What, did you finally confess to a Father and he told you to repent?”

It's a weak reasoning and Joshua laughs deprecatingly, “You know I’m not that sane.” He would never admit his preposterous feelings to anyone but Jeonghan. He had hovered near the confessional many times before, back when his guilt can’t be erased by Jeonghan’s hands and lips. He never got in, though, because he’s greedy and he knows he won’t atone for his sins. The cogs in his brain are wonky and cross-wired; Joshua’s not remorseful for being in love with Jeonghan. No, never that.

(He did, however, pray religiously and shamelessly at the Marian shrine for Jeonghan to love him.)

But now isn't a good time to talk about it. Joshua's resolution is wavering and Jeonghan is one minute away from devouring him when he shouldn’t. Joshua needs to go—an obstacle like him should be eradicated from the site.

“Let’s talk about it after your rut, yeah?” Joshua pleads instead, hoping his brother would listen to him. Jeonghan spoils him a lot and the alpha still listens to his requests even during rut: this hesitant truce a living proof of it. “Please let me leave your room,” he’s basically begging right now.

Surely, when there’s no rut lingering in the air, Jeonghan would understand where Joshua’s coming from. All of this is a way for Joshua to redeem himself and to free Jeonghan of this shackle of unwarranted love.

Jeonghan watches Joshua’s determined and pleading eyes and goes lax under him.

“Fine.”

There’s a stab of disappointment in Joshua’s gut at his brother’s agreement and he needs to remind himself that it’s for the best. He lets go of Jeonghan wrists and proceeds to stand up—

—and is soon tackled right back on the bed. Joshua wheezes as Jeonghan’s body becomes a deadweight on top of him. His dick, however, twitches in interest when he feels sharp canines brushing against his jugular.

The beta can’t see his brother’s face but he could feel the lips smirking smugly on his throat. What a piece of shit. Anger and embarrassment bubbles inside him. Of course, Jeonghan lied, it would’ve been too easy otherwise. Joshua should’ve remembered that Yoon Jeonghan is a devil incarnate and what Jeonghan wants, Jeonghan gets. There’s no one to blame but himself for this rookie mistake. There’s probably no escape now. Fuck.

“Like hell you’re leaving me when I’m in rut. You’re literally hard down there, Shua, for your brother no less,” Jeonghan snickers, cruel and pleased with himself, as he nibbles Joshua’s neck with playful but promising bites. This time, Joshua can’t control the embarrassing moan. He's rewarded with a solid thrust against his clothed cock.

The alpha noses Joshua’s scent gland and inhales deeply before chuckling. “I can smell your arousal and your cock is rock hard against mine,” Jeonghan narrates condescendingly, drilling the humiliating situation into Joshua. His free hand pulls a fistful of Joshua’s brown hair, creating more access to the latter’s throat, “so be a doll and let me get our release first and we’ll talk, okay, Shua?”

Joshua whimpers. The betrayal of his body's reaction makes him feel shameful and it humiliatingly turns him on.

“Han—!”

Jeonghan bites his throat, front and center, and Joshua almost cums right then and there. He moans, stimulated from the bite, and wiggles away but Jeonghan wouldn’t budge, his teeth sinking into the skin. It’s not a deep bite, not enough to draw blood, but it does the job for Joshua to know Jeonghan’s not playing around anymore. It probably will leave a mark on his throat, making him feel hysterical.

The bite turns into sucking, loud and vulgar and Joshua’s sure a hickey would appear soon. Jeonghan’s hips are still grinding against his pliant body, their cocks rubbing and brushing. At this point, both of their pants are soaked with precum. Joshua could feel his precum staining his dick; dripping down to his shaft and balls.

Joshua’s losing his mind. They’re going to repeat the same mistake again and it’s going to take a lot of time before Joshua could make up his mind to confront Jeonghan again. Tears prickled his eyes, his shoulder tense with distress and heart feeling hollow. Why can’t he do anything?

His distress must have shown in his scent because Jeonghan stops leaving hickeys and bites on the slope of his neck and collarbones. Jeonghan pulls away from the last suck with a pop before lifting his face to see Joshua’s heartbroken expression. The hand on Joshua’s hair becomes soft, combing the strands gently.

Jeonghan watches him in confusion. “Why are you crying? You wanted this, I know you still do,” he points out, probably concluding it from their mixed scent of arousal in the air. His body doesn’t stop thrusting against Joshua, “even with all the crap you said about not wanting to do this anymore.”

It’s not hard to confess his desire. “I do,” Joshua says, an admission of defeat, while scowling at his brother with glassy eyes. The tears refuse to fall, still prideful despite the shameful turn of event.

It’s so frustrating to be addicted to someone he’s not allowed to own.

It’s disheartening that his object of affection doesn’t love him back.

It’s also unpleasant to be edged like this and Joshua has half a mind to take both their dicks out and wrap them with his palm.

Jeonghan looks even more confused. And horny, because he’s an asshole who gets off on Joshua being compromised and crying from frustration and humiliation.

“So? I wanted this too,” he proves it by doing a slow, rough grind and Joshua mewls wantonly. He could feel how wet his pants are, both of their precums mixing at the seams. It feels dirty and hot at the same time, especially knowing that most of the precum comes from Jeonghan, tip wet and balls heavy. Joshua gulps, aroused.

Sweat trails down from Jeonghan’s forehead and drops to Joshua’s cheek. Joshua flinches and blinks back his tears. “That’s exactly the problem here, Jeonghan,” he says with a shaky breath. Fuck, must Joshua tell the alpha now as they’re dry humping?

Unfortunately, Jeonghan’s prioritizing his release first. Joshua moans again when the angle of the thrust hits just right. The sound goes straight to Jeonghan’s dick, Joshua could feel it twitch against his thighs. The beta bites his lips to stop himself from spilling more embarrassing noises. It backfires badly, only egging Jeonghan on to bully Joshua’s tense and frustrated body.

Finally, his frustration reaches its peak and Joshua growls in irritation. He tries to hide his hurt with the anger and lust burning in his chest. “Until when are you going to play along with my feelings?”

(There. Joshua said it. They’ve never talked about their feelings out loud, a perk of being twins is having some sort of telepathic communication and they could understand each other just by the look in their eyes. It’s how Jeonghan figured out Joshua’s crush on him, and how Joshua figured out Jeonghan’s lack of romantic interest. Admitting this, out loud, leaves Joshua vulnerable and—)

—and Jeonghan just hums. Fucking hums at his question, at his confession. Jeonghan is fucking clearly ignoring him.

Joshua doesn’t even know how to react, flabbergasted at Jeonghan’s indifference. He can’t even tell if Jeonghan was doing it on purpose or to tease him. His face burns in humiliation and incredulity when the alpha continues thrusting against Joshua’s limp body. Each thrust harder and faster, and the latter involuntarily shifts due to the force. Like an obedient doll. The dismissive behavior is both annoying and erotic.

Joshua whines, disgruntled and still in disbelief at the lack of reaction. A tear of frustration slips through the edge of his eye, “Jeonghan! Are you listening to me?”

He gasps when a hand smacks his thigh and snaps his head to look at Jeonghan, flustered. The older raises his eyebrows and cocks his head before leaning down. Joshua flinches in anticipation and excitement as soft breaths tickle his ear.

“Later, Jisoo,” Jeonghan mumbles while his lips trace Joshua’s reddened cheek, his voice low and smooth as silk. Joshua shivers when he feels Jeonghan licks his ear seductively, whispering, “now be good and let your hyung come first.”

It’s a cumulation of pent-up frustrations, embarrassment, and nonstop sexual stimulation. Jeonghan’s been touching and grinding against him for who knows how long and Joshua’s not immune from the degradation and shameless groping. Jeonghan knows how to push his buttons, he’s learnt his ins and outs for years and he hits everything in Joshua’s long list of perverted kinks with precise shots.

Joshua cums. Untouched. It wasn’t much of a surprise and was more of a disappointment in himself. His pants is basically drenched now and Joshua squirms at the sticky feeling on his crotch. It’s so embarrassing that the one thing that pushed him over the edge was the thought of servicing his brother. He feels awkward and guilty in his own skin, panicking internally.

Joshua could feel his face heating up and his body going pliant, no longer tense and hard under Jeonghan’s harsh thrusts. The figure above him watches the change in Joshua’s expression and blinks in realization, stilling his movement. He’s sure Jeonghan could feel the new load of wetness when he’s grinding against Joshua’s flaccid dick as a confirmation. Fuck.

The laugh against his ear is soft and sadistic. He could feel Jeonghan’s sharp teeth taking a bite on the crack of his defense, fangs leaving proud indents.  “You told me to stop and yet you came first,” the patronizing tone is back in Jeonghan’s voice, “you’re so cute, Shua.”

The humiliation hits him like a brick. Joshua moans, pathetic and ashamed. Tears continue to pour down his blushing cheeks and Jeonghan purrs, fond and turned on, at him, calling him adorable and precious.

Joshua resigns himself to whatever Jeonghan has in store, listless and tired and still in his afterglow. Joshua spreads his legs and lifts his thigh to help Jeonghan grind against him. The whimpers, small and pitiful, spill out of his lips wantonly. His tilts his neck, exposing it for Jeonghan to mark with bites, gnaws, and hickeys.

Jeonghan grins at the submissive behavior and rewards him by lapping Joshua’s lips, tracing the seams and licking away the sweats that pours down like heavy rain on his cheeks. It’s an animalistic way of showing possession and Joshua moans at the ministration, eyes lidded in bliss.

Joshua feels a hand cupping his wet cheek and he warily opens his eyes. He regrets it, a sinking feeling in his stomach. The alpha’s eyes glint viciously as he rubs his member against Joshua’s thigh. Joshua knows that look. The unnecessary cruelty that Jeonghan wears like a glove. It's Joshua's punishment for running away and rejecting him. He knows it's going to hurt.

“‘Play along’, huh?” the older lets out a small giggle. He’s finally addressing Joshua's question, now that he’s sure the beta wouldn’t leave him this time. Couldn't leave him. Joshua knows when his feelings is being played. Still, he stays there motionless, doe eyes blinking at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan smiles, he knows that Joshua knows. The older decides to gift him with a bite on his scent gland for his obedience, jolting the beta from his messy thoughts. The swollen gland is then peppered with kisses and licks, creating another hickey on his skin. It tears a moan out of Joshua. Jeonghan pulls away and smiles down at the younger as if he hadn't just blatantly manipulated him.

"In a way, you’re right. I do play with you."

The whiplash from the affectionate kisses to the carelessness in his tone is brutal. Joshua could feel himself tearing up, hurt and already despondent. The alpha grins wider, as if pleased. The friction on Joshua’s thigh becomes unbearably hot, his skin probably red and sensitive under the fabric.

“You’re also right, I don’t think I love you like how you love me,” Jeonghan continues, looking gleeful at the sight of Joshua’s tears. Jeonghan had always had a mean streak. He likes to pamper Joshua, even now he’s making sure not to touch the latter’s overstimulated cock. But they both know that it’s always the younger’s reaction to being degraded that got him going.

Especially when he’s in rut.

Joshua’s face heats up with embarrassment when Jeonghan licks the tears streaming down on his cheeks. Fuck. This is the monster he’s created. His heart is still aching from the rejection. He knows, of course he does; they just have never said it out loud, never really confirming it. It hurts but at least Jeonghan isn’t as far gone as Joshua is. There’s still a chance for Jeonghan to find someone, a chance for Joshua to save his brother.

“Then you can let me go,” Joshua whispers, heartbroken and resigned. He’s thinking clearly again now, no longer clouded by lust, the aftershocks of orgasm rolling from him. Joshua raises his palm to smooth out Jeonghan’s sweaty hair behind his ear. His limbs feel sluggish after a long time of no use and his thigh is burning from Jeonghan’s inhumane rubs and thrusts.  “I’m not that young kid from your first rut, I can take the heartbreak.”

Jeonghan’s domineering expression breaks, subtle and slight. Joshua probably wouldn’t have noticed the change had his eyes weren’t trained on Jeonghan the entire time. The alpha’s hold on his body is harsher, bone crushing.

Joshua’s confused and is kind of sick of their games already. The ache in his heart is still present but it’s still a bleeding love. He can’t help himself from micro-focusing on the smallest change of his brother’s look. One of the benefits that comes with Jeonghan’s rut and increased libido is his weakened control of his emotions—it’s harder for the alpha to maintain his usually mischievous-and-calm-and-undeterred persona. The reluctance and displeasure was genuine, even if it’s only a nanosecond.

Despite himself, Joshua can’t help the hope blooming in his chest. Alas, he knows Jeonghan wasn’t lying about his feelings. He sighs, long and quiet, “You said it yourself; you don’t love me like how I love you. And I’m breaking you free from this… game.” The words taste like ash in Joshua’s tongue and he chuckles deprecatingly. He thumbs Jeonghan’s cheekbone, the skin red and wet from tears and sweats and drool, “find yourself someone to love, Hannie. You don’t have to take care of me anymore.”

It had been a good dream while it lasted, no matter how sinful their actions are. Joshua’s only regret was pulling his brother along for far too long. He won’t repent, he doesn’t think he could love anyone else other than Jeonghan, but he wants Jeonghan to feel love as well. Joshua has long accepted they’re not meant to be, and he’s now accepting that he had to let Jeonghan go. This time, Joshua would watch from the sideline and cheer him on. The alpha is one of the university’s heartthrob, it won’t be a pain for him to find someone, perhaps a cheerful, kind omega or headstrong, attractive alpha, to love.

“No.”

Joshua frowns at Jeonghan. “What? I’m literally giving you an out here. I’d be fine,” he reassures Jeonghan, and himself, “I’ll find my happiness elsewhere.”

On contrary, Jeonghan growls at the insinuation, body vibrating from arousal and irritation. His voice is brimmed with icy anger and finality, “No.” It’s an alpha command, one that meant nothing for a beta like Joshua, but he could understand that Jeonghan is extremely furious with his statement. His eyes are blazing hot, the wet tears of pleasure and frustration giving it a shine. Joshua thinks if Jeonghan wasn’t in throes of sex and desire, the latter would’ve probably choke him by now. That would’ve been a fun way to end this.

“Shua,” Jeonghan moans, deep in his rut. Joshua could feel the head of Jeonghan’s knot, familiar with the weight and heat of it even wrapped behind the pants. Jeonghan’s piston is less coordinated, more power than techniques, every drag leaves goosebumps in its wake. He doesn’t understand how it felt to be controlled by his animalistic desire—everything he’s done has always been made with certainty, decisions made with clear mind and greedy heart.

The alpha’s mind is hazy with heat, his control fleeting. Like this, panting and eyes lidded and unfocused, hair falling like waterfall, Jeonghan looks wild. His mouth is agape, drool dripping down from his red and swollen lips. There is as much grace as there is cruelty in his touch, his grip bruising Joshua’s skin like the bites and hickeys littering his neck. Joshua hopes the marks will stay even until all of this is over.

Jeonghan is desperate for release. One failed pre-rut’s orgasm and being edged while trying to curb down the incoming rut for who knows how long could do that to an alpha. His hips grind against the pliant body, slow and hard and deep, and Joshua sighs in arousal. His voice must’ve snap Jeonghan out of his sex-crazed mind, the latter locking eyes with him. The older props himself on his elbows and grabs Joshua’s face within his palms, rough and deliberate.

Joshua’s wide eyes meet Jeonghan’s grin, lustful and hungry. “I said so myself, I don’t need anyone. You’re mine, Shua,” Jeonghan declares, his speech slurred, drunk on the pleasure. One of Jeonghan’s weak spots is his inability to hide his true feelings when he’s too deep in his rut. It’s Joshua’s privilege as his rut partner and twin to know this side of him, to see Jeonghan vulnerable and naked. Jeonghan kisses him deeply, pulling away before he could reciprocate. The older sighs, licking the edge of his lips, leaving tingles in its wake. It’s so overwhelmingly soft, contradicting the knot that’s rubbing on his thigh.

Jeonghan presses his lips on Joshua’s cheek, the latter shuddering and skittish at the affectionate behavior. Jeonghan pays him no mind and mumbles against the fat, “You’re mine to play with, Shua, mine to spoil.” He moves his head lower, licking the bite he left at the middle of Joshua’s throat. The beta whimpers, the skin sensitive and the visual otherworldly. He’s half-hard by now and Jeonghan chuckles, smug and satisfied, “See? Who else could make you happy if not me, hm? Aren’t I the only one who could give you that?”

Joshua’s heart skips a beat at that question. It’s like having the wind knocked out of him. He blinks back at Jeonghan and gapes.

The alpha is almost manic with his touch, stroking Joshua’s cheeks, brushing the sweat away. His voice is hypnotic and persuasive, as if he’s trying to convince Joshua. “You need me, Jisoo. I’ll consume you, keep you in my mouth, keep you safe and happy. Ah, Jisoo, my dongsaeng—”

Jeonghan’s rambling, quick mutters and dry growls. It’s almost scary if it weren’t for what he’s trying to insinuate. Joshua is fascinated by everything that comes out of Jeonghan’s soft, wicked lips. Each word spilled sends butterflies in Joshua's stomach, his heart beating faster, and the corner of his lips twitches upwards. Jeonghan’s black eyes, possessive and disarray, swallow Joshua whole, sucking his soul in.

“You’re mine, my Jisoo.”

The realization is like being struck by lightning. Joshua knows his twin brother. He knows what he just said was something too earnest and honest for Jeonghan’s usual on-brand possessive declarations. It’s too real; practically a confession of something that Joshua doesn’t have a word for.

It’s not love. Of course not. It’s too possessive, borderline obsessive to be called one. It’s too muddy for familial love, brothers don’t fuck each other willingly and hungry to own each other. Joshua knows it’s something that stems from Jeonghan’s ego complex and the emotional manipulation they’ve been doing to each other. And Joshua knows Jeonghan knows it, probably far earlier than Joshua did.

Jeonghan wants to be his saviour, his one and only.

(It’s an acknowledged insanity.

But it’s something.

It's a kind of hunger that Joshua doesn’t know even possible. Whatever it is, it's there and it could be something, it could be enough.)

Joshua could play the role of a sinner just fine. It’s what he is, anyway.

His heart feels so full and he motions for a kiss to his brother—the first touch Joshua initiates today. Jeonghan moans in delight and crashes their mouth, deep and passionate. The alpha’s tongue licks at Joshua’s lips enthusiastically, outlining the gap and forcefully pushing himself in. The younger groans at the stimulation and lets the tongue into his mouth.

Jeonghan’s tongue moves with dexterity and licks the inside of his mouth, almost animalistic—as if starving. One particular thrust of his tongue, followed by a slow grind on his thigh makes Joshua whine pitifully, almost choking on the intrusion.

Joshua's eyes are half-lidden in pleasure and filled with unshed tears and their excess saliva drips out from the edge of his lips. He feels sticky and wet and messy, a sight he knows Jeonghan enjoys seeing. The huge knot head bumping on the inside of his thigh confirms it. Joshua could feel his face becomes even redder and there’s a fresh load of tears from utter humiliation.

Jeonghan moans, loud and in awe with the view under him, his libido increases exponentially. The head of his cock releasing more pre-cum, drenching them further. There’s no way their pants are surviving this round, they’ll have to burn those after the rut is over.

He always had a thing for a crying, humiliated, and needy Joshua under his control. Joshua, experienced in being the subject of Jeonghan’s dominant play, knows when his Jeonghan is close—he knows what to push the latter over the edge.

Joshua gives Jeonghan his most miserable and teary look. “Please cum on me,” he begs meekly, showing his throat in surrender.

Jeonghan, expectedly, bites his throat right on the hickey. Joshua whimpers, pain sparking with pleasure, and the alpha moans against his skin. Jeonghan wedges his knot against Joshua’s inner thigh, sandwiching it with his own thigh, and thrust hard and deliberate.

Their body shakes from the two pinpoints, Jeonghan groaning and mouthing at Joshua’s bruised shoulder, legs vibrating as his knot spilling ribbons of cum, staining their pants. The younger could feel the stickiness of Jeonghan’s crotch on his thigh. It feels like being claimed in rawest way possible. Joshua bites his lips from smiling.

The alpha crashes down on top of Joshua, tired from overusing his stamina and brainpower. Jeonghan enjoys his afterglow, nestling and inhaling deeply against Joshua’s drenched and bruised neck. He probably smelled stronger now after having his scent gland played and gnawed for a long time.

Joshua lets Jeonghan laps his gland, still pliant and waiting for Jeonghan to come down from his high. It’s not like he can run away now—there's no need to. They’ve done exactly what he wanted to avoid and Jeonghan is tired and Joshua is always weak for his brother’s touch. Leaving the room would only aggravate Jeonghan and the beta doesn’t think he could handle what Jeonghan would do if he did.

There’s nothing Joshua should do. It’s something that he accepts now.

Maybe they are indeed doomed to be with each other; a sick symbiosis synthesized by Joshua and cultivated by Jeonghan. Maybe there’s no way of going back to how they were before; Joshua couldn’t even remember how they were before falling in love with Jeonghan.

Maybe it’s for the best that they’re stuck with each other, to eat and be eaten.

You’ve already dragged me down into the sunless depth, go ahead and devour me, Jeonghan had once whispered to him, a secret worded so beautifully and fabricated like a hymn. As if Joshua hadn’t come back to his life like a premonition of their ruins. If Joshua is in the path of destruction, then Jeonghan is the person who would pave the road and guide him down the road to ensure his safety.

“Shua?” Jeonghan mumbles against the skin of his neck.

Joshua hums, petting the blond hair lazily.

“You’re mine, yeah?”

This is what Hong Jisoo knows about his brother, Yoon Jeonghan: Ever since they were young, the older twin has always been protective and possessive; going as far as putting the younger twin as his number one priority and responsibility.

Yoon Jeonghan, no matter what, wants Hong Jisoo to be happy and will do absolutely anything to make sure of his brother’s happiness.

This is what Hong Jisoo and Yoon Jeonghan knows about Hong Jisoo: Hong Jisoo’s happiness only comes in the form of Yoon Jeonghan.

“I’m yours, Hannie.”