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The stars shone even if Reggie couldn't see them. He had realized that at five years old and immediately went to Sirius to tell him.
That night, they both sneaked out of their rooms to see the stars.
✩
James dragged Regulus through the empty courtyard, grinning happily while shushing Regulus' complains (complains he didn't mean at all, actually, he just liked to complain).
James didn't even bring his cloak, saying that 'the risk factor makes it more fun', like the idiot he was. Regulus didn't complain about that. James was his idiot, after all.
"Where are we going ?"
"You'll see !" answered James happily, his curls bouncing on his shoulders.
Ever since Regulus came out to James, he had started to grow his hair out, saying it was out of solidarity and to match his boyfriend's. Regulus refused to find this endearing.
"We're not gonna stay outside, are we ?"
James didn't anwser. The guilty prat.
"Jamie. It's so cloudy that I can feel the humidity in my bones."
"I know ! It's great !"
Regulus bit back a smile. "It isn't."
"We can cuddle to warm each other up. And watch the clouds."
"Watch the clouds," muttered Regulus. "Right."
He still followed James through the courtyard, until they were out of the castle's walls and in what could be considered the edge of the Forbidden Forest.
The sky looked so much bigger here. More welcoming.
More terrifying.
Regulus used to love stars.
He loved stargazing on the roof with his brother, he loved being just Reggie and not the daughter of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
Regulus didn't like stars anymore.
His guiding star had failed him.
The day Sirius left, Reggie had begged him to stay, just a little more, just a week, because Mother's wrath would quickly fade, because Sirius was a boy, he was the heir, he was everything to Reggie, why couldn't Sirius just stay ? Why wouldn't he stay for Reggie ? Reggie had stayed for Sirius. Reggie did everything fro Sirius.
Sirius didn't look at Reggie when he said that Reggie couldn't understand, because she was treated better, because Reggie was a girl and she would marry some guy and get out of the House anyway.
Sirius didn't look back, not even when Reggie's nails digged in his skin and left trails of blood. He just added that Reggie looked so much like their mother, and that she truly was her daughter, after all.
Reggie refused to cry after that. He cut his hair and found himself a new name. Walburga did make it up to him, and forced him to grow them again. Regulus didn't try to rebel again.
Well, not in front of her.
Dating a blood traitor Gryffindor, who just happened to be Sirius' best friend, and the one who got him out of pureblood ideologies would definitely count as rebelling.
(Regulus didn't do it for revenge or to rebel. Maybe a little bit at first. But it was impossible not to be attracted to James' warmth.)
"You hate stars, don't you ?" asked James.
Not accusing. Not reproaching. Just stating a fact, asking a question he already knew the answer to.
Regulus just hummed, avoiding eye contact. James squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss Regulus' cheek. Regulus smiled reluctantly, uncapable of suppressing the warmth spreading in his chest.
James' hand wandered on his face, before settling aroung Regulus' hips.
"Since you hate stars, stargazing was out. I thought we could watch the clouds instead."
Regulus looked into James' eyes. If James was the sun, his eyes contained mutiple little stars. Regulus liked these kind of stars.
"And if it rains ?"
James grinned. "Then we'll just run back inside, laughing like little kids."
"I don't like this plan."
"Aw, come on ! I know you're gonna love it."
"Keep dreaming."
✩
"Do you hate Sirius ?"
...
"You don't have to answer. It's just a question."
"It's hard to hate him. I just don't like him."
"There's a difference ?"
"You wouldn't understand."
✩
Watching the clouds was more fun than Regulus thought.
It was relaxing. Nice.
Regulus felt comfy, here, in James' arms. Surrouned by warmth and love.
He hadn't felt like that since Sirius left for Hogwarts. Only coming back for summer breaks. Refusing to look at Reggie.
They were stars, after all.
Distant. Cold.
They were light years apart.
What Reggie saw of his big brother was the Sirius from months ago.
The one who still loved Reggie.
Stars.
Distant, cold, dying.
The Blacks were stars, after all.
Regulus hated stars.
"Chéri," called James, with his horrible British accent.
"James," replied Regulus, forcing a truly atrocious French accent into the name, making James giggle like a schoolgirl.
"Chérrri," repeated James. "Look at this one," he said, pointing at a cloud. "Doesn't it look like you ?"
"That's a mushroom cloud."
"'Cuz you're une bombe, chéri."
Regulus laughed at that, curling against his boyfriend. "Where did you learn that word ?" he said through laughter.
"Um, I asked Remus how to flirt with hot french dudes. He told me it worked on both genders."
"It does not," sighed Regulus. "But thanks. I like the compliment."
"It's not a compliment, but a honest startement."
"Whatever you say."
✩
The last time Regulus had fallen asleep like that was the day before Sirius left for Hogwarts. They were on the roof, watching the sky, a blanket wrapped around them. Sirius was listing all the things he would do at Hogwarts, and promised multiple times to write daily letters to Reggie.
Sirius' arms around him soothed Reggie, who fell asleep. According to Sirius, they both fell asleep and Sirius woke up at dawn and then dragged a half-asleep Reggie to his room before heading to his own.
Reggie didn't get to say goodbye to his big brother.
And Sirius wrote, of course he wrote.
Daily at first.
Then the time passing between each letter grew heavier on Reggie's shoulders.
But Reggie kept his head high and watched the horizon, waiting for his big brother.
The Sirius who came back at the end of the school year wasn't the one Reggie remembered.
He was careless. Free. A rebel.
Everything except the big brother Reggie had.
"Reg," whispered James. "Reggie. Wake up."
"Wake up Reggie, we're gonna get in trouble."
Tears spilled out before Regulus realized, and James rocked his boyfriend with comforting words.
"I hate the stars," let out Regulus between sobs.
"I know, chéri."
"Do the stars hate me back ?"
"The stars would never hate you."
✩
The day Sirius left, Reggie sneaked out of his room to watch the cloudless sky, and thought about the stars shining behind the blue layer.
He turned to the sun and left his guiding star behing him.