Work Text:
New York’s Tiger Problem
By Marie Nomad
It was a typical day in 2003, and random states popped in. Gov got ready for the latest insanity that 2003 had to offer.
New York appeared and promptly asked. “Hey, can anyone take a tiger off my hands?”
“Excuse me?” Gov asked, debating if he should get another cup of coffee.
New York winced and added. “Someone was keeping a tiger in a public housing apartment in Harlem.”
At once, California, Florida, and Louisiana dropped in at the table.
“A… tiger… in an apartment?” California asked.
“It is a 5-room apartment.” New York excused.
“Tigers need more than five rooms!” California exclaimed.
“And how did he get a tiger into an apartment in Harlem?” Gov had to ask.
“It’s easy, you buy the tiger as a cub and sneak him into the apartment,” Florida explained.
“But where did he get a tiger?”
“Minnesota.” New York muttered.
Minnesota appeared. “In my defense, it was legal in the year 2000 to sell tigers. What people do with tigers after that is none of my business.” He popped out.
“How…” Gov muttered and then just shook it off.
“Yeah, that’s how it goes. He also has an alligator. The alligator is legally bought in New Jersey.” New York kept on explaining.
New Jersey popped in. “I don’t take returns.”
Gov stopped and then comprehended it. “He has a tiger and an alligator in a public housing apartment, and no one noticed?”
“This can’t be real.” California muttered.
Author’s Note: Yes, this is a real thing that happened. There’s even a documentary about it.
“Look, I was distracted for the past few years with a certain incident that happened in 2001.” New York stated, looking more annoyed.
Everyone looked down. “Oh.” They muttered.
“Anyway, who wants the tiger and the alligator?”
“I got plenty at my house.” Florida said.
“Can I eat it?” Louisiana asked.
“No.” New York refused.
“Then, no.”
Ohio popped in. “I’ll take the tiger. I have a wildlife sanctuary with other tigers. It’s nice and roomy.”
“You… you have tigers?” Gov asked.
“Lots of people adopted tigers as cubs and then got rid of them when they get older.” Ohio explained.
“That can’t be legal,” Gov muttered.
Author’s Note: It was legal in 2003. There is the Captive Wildlife Safety Act in 2003 but there were loopholes.
Indiana popped in. “Can I take the alligator? I have a wildlife sanctuary for alligators.”
Gov and the other states stared at Indiana. “You have a wildlife sanctuary for alligators?”
“I have more than corn in Indiana. I also have alligators.”
“Great, so Ohio gets the tiger and Indiana can have the alligator.” Gov gestured. “And I need to look up large cat laws.”
The End