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Nine bullets total.
Two to the head. One to the hands. Six aimed across her entire body.
Ragatha could taste bile rising in the back of her throat. Too tired, she didn’t even bother swallowing it down- Or maybe she just didn’t care anymore. It’s not uncharacteristic for Jax to take his anger out on her or anyone for that matter. However, today’s events belonged in their own category of cruel and unusual, even for him. She’s used to the nicknames and hiding centipedes in her room and the occasional prank that terrifies her. What she’s not used to is being shot several times just because he felt like it. She was never a fan of guns. Now, she downright despises them. All thanks to Jax.
Who she, unfortunately, is sitting right across from.
This has to be the worst time for Caine to test out his new bonding adventure- ‘You’ll be paired off into groups of two where you’ll spend as much time as it takes for you and your partner to get along! I’ll be monitoring everything through a surveillance camera just to make sure. It doesn’t matter if it takes all night! Oh, and did I mention that I’m adding in a loaded gun as well?’
She hates it here.
Her heavy sigh is the first sound that either of them have made since they were popped into this tiny room. If she cared to look up from the spot on the ground she’s been staring at, she’d know that a purple ear twitches at the sound. Though, he’d never say anything to her. Any other given time, she might try to break the silence with a joke or a positive comment. But not today. Not when the memory of a gun aimed at her was still so fresh in her mind. It was just two days ago that it happened after all. Two days of avoiding Jax like he was going to abstract her. Two days of self isolation for her. Well, save for the time that Pomni invited her to hang out or when Caine would snap her into the living area to be a part of whatever wacky idea he came up with. Even then, her main target was to always avoid the man across from her. Something that she succeeded in seeing as Jax made it his mission to avoid everyone.
Pomni being Pomni, refused to let him fully do that. Many times she heard her knocking on his door only to be met with complete silence. Invites to go get food together or just stroll through the circus. Nothing. Part of her wanted to bang his door down herself and ask him why he was doing that when all Pomni was trying to do was get him to open up. The other part wanted nothing to do with him.
Funny how fate- Or Caine- has a way of working against her.
The room they were in wasn’t exactly a room as much as it was a small box that Caine popped into the circus. All that was in there was two cushioned chairs and a table in between them with a gun on top. The walls were bare save for a single camera lens aimed at them that she’s sure Caine is watching them through. Everything being so plain made the silence feel even louder.
Another sigh. The words, ‘-you’ll spend as much time as it takes for you and your partner to get along!’ echo in her head. They were going to abstract in here. Well. Unless one of them gave in and tried to start a conversation. It wasn’t going to be him. Not by the way his body language and scowled expression look when she risks a glance at him. She hated that she always has to be the one to reach out to him. It wasn’t fair to make her feel like the weaker of the two. Would it be so wrong for him to just try speaking to her for once? Not even much. Just a ‘Hey’ or a ‘Hello’ or any sort of acknowledgment that she exists instead of the usual silence.
Anything.
Anything.
“Could you maybe stop breathing so heavily? It’s getting annoying.”
Okay. Maybe not that.
“Excuse me?” She throws a glare at him. One that he doesn’t notice seeing as he’s more interested in the wall with nothing on it. That’s fine. She doesn’t need him to respond in order to argue, “I breathe too heavily? What does that even mean? I’m just breathing. If my breathing is a problem for you, maybe just shut your damn ears off. Have you thought of that?”
“I-”
“No, because you don’t think at all. All you do is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. God, I think you just like the sound of your own voice,” Ragatha knew she should stop, but the words kept going and going. A dam is broken, leaving years of pent up anger pouring from her mouth. Meanwhile, all he does is sit in the same position with the same look like she’s not saying anything. It only adds to the fire, “And the worst thing about it is you won’t talk to me. All you do is talk at me, but never with me. Why is that? Because you don’t like me? Because you hate me? There has to be a reason, Jax. As if I don’t already know that.”
“Okay, I ge-”
“Get it? No, you don’t. You don’t get anything because you refuse to listen to anyone. Pomni has tried to reach out to you. I have tried to reach out to you. Even before now. I have spent the past few years worrying over if you were okay or not. If you were ever going to speak to me or not. And all you’ve done is… Is… Harass me and insult me and… Shoot me. Do you know what it’s like to care so much about a person just for them to hurt you that badly?”
“Rag-”
“Eight bullets, Jax! Eight. The game didn’t even fully start and I had a bullet in the head. You couldn’t have waited until Caine gave the go ahead?”
“Raga-”
“I just don’t get why you hate me this much.”
“Ragatha.”
“Is this because of Ribbit?”
Too caught up in her frustrations, she didn’t realize what she had said until it was too late to take back. There it was. The invisible line was crossed. The golden rule they’ve kept between them is now broken. All those years ago when he made her swear to never bring up Ribbit again, how well she’s kept to that. Until now. It takes a while for the adrenaline to wear off and when it does, she’s face to face with a glare so strong, her stomach feels like it’s about to drop. Apologize, she tells herself. Apologize right now.
“I-I… I’m…” The words refuse to come out. Stuck somewhere with the rest of the bile she didn’t get a chance to say. Jax’s body shifts to face her. His shrunken pupils stay locked on her. If looks could kill, she’d be a pile of stuffing on the ground right now. Then again, maybe he would just use the gun instead. Absent-mindedly, she flicks her eyes to the weapon between them. It was only for a brief second, but Jax’s full attention landed on it. Oh, no, “A-Are you… Gonna… Hurt…”
He picks up the gun. Her head starts pounding. He glares at her. She shuts her eyes. If there was ever a reason for Jax to be angry with her, it’d be now.
Ribbit was a sore spot for him. For reasons she doesn’t understand other than she abstracted. During the star gazing adventure, she didn’t even mention Ribbit’s name and she was his target. Now that she has, she can’t imagine what he’s going to do. Just that it involves the gun in his hands.
She hears a click. She flinches. Would it be better if she just accepted this fate? She thinks so. Which is why she stays in place and waits for the inevitable. That is until she hears the sound of clanking against the table. She risks a peak, then her eyes fully open to several bullets scattered across it. She looks up to find his harsh glare melted down to something closer to exhaustion. He places the unloaded gun back on top of the table, barrel side pointed at him.
“Talk.”
“Wh-What?”
“You said that I don’t talk with you. Talk,” He leans back in his chair- Both arms crossed while one leg rests against the other.
“I-I, um…” It’s harder to think of the words to say now that he’s willing to hear her out. She’s used to scoffs or complaints. Not someone who’s waiting for her to respond. There’s so much she could say. What went wrong with them? Why did he ice her out? Could things ever be repaired? All of the things she wants answers to. The only thing that comes out, though, “I miss you.”
Of all the things she’s said since they entered this box, that one hurt the most. She felt tears stinging her eyes, but she refused to let him see her cry. She clenches her leg through her dress just to keep her emotions in check. Something that she’s picked up over the years.
Jax seemed to be going through his own set of emotions. Ones that she couldn’t fully read. His demeanor falters, his attention shifts away from her, “Well. Wasn’t expecting that.”
“You wanted me to talk.”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fair,” His head tilts, eyes back to her, “What else?”
“Well… Wait, why am I the only one talking? I started. Your turn.”
He sighs, but he doesn’t turn her down. It’s a start, “Fine. If we’re really doing this. I guess… I guess that it was pretty harsh of me to shoot you in the head. And then at your hands. And then at your head again. And every other-”
“Okay, yeah, I get it. Thanks,” Her turn to glare at him and to her surprise, she catches a quick second of a smirk on his mouth. She ignores the butterflies in her stomach and sits up, “Why’d you do it? Because I mentioned… Her?”
“No, because I know that you didn’t.”
“Wait, what?”
“The stargazing adventure. I knew you wouldn’t be stupid enough to bring her up with Pomni around. I knew what you meant,” He leans forward with his leg falling back down and his elbows resting on them both, “Question is, did you mean Kaufmo or did you mean you. Because only one of them is the correct answer and I have my suspicions on which one it is.”
Inhaling deeply, “You and Kaufmo weren’t the closest of friends, you know,” Then, she exhales.
“Knew it.”
“Jax.”
“Next question. Do you-”
“Hey, wait, no. I believe it’s my turn.”
“To talk or to ask a question?”
She thinks it over, “Both.”
“Go on.”
“If it wasn’t because of that, then why did you shoot me?”
He shrugs, “Like I said, I had my suspicion that you meant you. And I didn’t like that you were the one to admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“That we weren’t friends anymore. I mean… Obviously, we’re not, but I didn’t want you to say it. Maybe if you didn’t,” Another shrug, his face falls to the ground. She looks closer and sees his eyes roaming, “I’m not stupid, Ragatha. Ever since… I’ve done some shitty things to you. To everyone. And I know you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who did all of that. I guess I didn’t like the idea of us not being… Yeah. So, I took that out on you. It was easier than admitting that what you said was right. We aren’t friends. Not really. Not anymore,” The words ring in her ear. First how she said it, then how he said it. Anger for her, remorse for him. Like he was saying it in such a way that meant he regretted not being her friend. The notion of that seemed impossible, though. As did the almost apology that follows, “Look, I know there was no way you were actually going to get hurt. We can’t die here. Not really. So, I decided to just air out my anger toward you in the worst way possible. It wasn’t until way later did I realize that physical pain wasn’t what mattered. I hurt you. And, yeah, I kinda suck for that, so,” The word ‘sorry’ isn’t something Jax says. Never has been, never will be. But she could tell in his demeanor alone that it’s what he means. Good enough.
“Thanks. That, uh… Yeah. That helps,” She smiles to nothing in particular. It’s all she can think to do.
“Yep,” His face lifts up to see her again. Through heavy-lidded eyes, she could tell he was tired. Maybe from the stress of the past few days, maybe from having to keep so much locked away. She gets it. She can feel her own body screaming for rest. So, she leans back in her seat to let her head rest against the wall. When she does, she catches Jax chewing at his bottom lip, “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“About missing me? Did you mean that?” He asks in a calm tone. Much different than the nerves suddenly hitting her. Something that he picks up on immediately, “Come on, don’t tell me you’re shy now. If we’re doing this whole ‘honesty hour’ thing, then stick to it. Did you?”
Easier than she thought it’d be, “ Yes,” Comes out without a second thought. Her heart races, her head gets fuzzy, and she can practically feel the tension raising between them. On her side of things at least because Jax never seems to falter. Same nonchalant look, same slouched position, same everything. That is, until he breathes a shaky breath that surprises her. There’s probably more to that she could add; however, it was her turn, “And… Do you ever… Miss-”
“Often,” He answers without letting her finish. If her heart was racing earlier, it’s full on soaring now. She can’t contain the giddy feeling that has her grinning into her lap. He notices- she knows he does- but he keeps this game up, “How often have you thought of coming to my door to work this out?”
“Every day. You?”
“Same. Why don’t you?”
“Fear, I guess. I didn’t want to try to be friends again if you didn’t feel the same way. Or… If you did feel the same way, I was scared of what the outcome was going to be.”
“The outcome?”
“Yeah. What if we became friends again just to fall apart like we did the first time? It’s easier to be friends when there’s no bad history there. But when there is, it’s harder. I want to be friends. I’ve tried to be friends. It just seems like every effort I made was wrong. A person can only take so much of that before they start giving up, you know.”
He doesn’t move. It makes her nervous. Did she say the wrong thing? Did she say something that ruined their moment? She thinks about backpedaling, but he gives her no time to do that, “I went to your door several times to try,” He admits. A response on the tip of her tongue, he holds up a hand to prevent it, “I was going to knock. I wasn’t going to use the key. I was going to try and do it properly. Knock on your door, admit how I was feeling, try and work it out. That was the plan. The one I never went through with. Like you said, bad history and all.”
“Yeah,” Eyeing him up and down, then looking away, “Yeah.”
“Yeah,” Silence follows again as if none of this had happened. The taste of bile in her throat is no longer there and she feels anything but anger toward the man sitting across from her. What that is exactly, she can’t pinpoint. She could say a friendly feeling- One that she used to have when they first met until Ribbit’s abstraction. One that she’s wanted since then. Yet something felt a little different than friendly. Even more so her eyes flick back up to find that he’s never looked away from her. She doesn’t shy from the attention. She revels in it, “Hey.”
“Hey… I’m scared of what’s going to happen when we get out of here.”
“Me, too.”
“But I’m also… not. If that makes sense.”
“I think it does. And that’s the freaky part,” He smirks. She can’t give him one back. Feeling a little too much to do that, “I still have a key to your room. But I can also knock if you prefer. Though, it won’t be as cool,” It’s an invitation. He wants to make things right, outside of these four walls that Caine forced them into. Outside of here, he wants to be friends again.
Friends.
It’s a word that she hasn’t used in a long time. Yet when the idea of calling Jax that runs through her mind, she feels an emotion she can’t quite understand.
“Jax?”
“Yeah?”
She swallows down the nerves, “I think… I think that I-”
Then. Interrupting the moment entirely, the walls of the room shake. Forgotten bullets hit the ground and the both of them hop out of their chairs. She feels fear that turns to confusion when the walls disappear entirely. Their back in the circus area they were in before where four pairs of eyes land on them. Bored expressions because they didn’t hear or see anything that happened because that moment solely belonged to them. Well, them and their eccentric ring leader who snaps into view. She startles into Jax’s side who neither pushes her away nor says anything about the close proximity.
“Well, well. I would say the first round of this bonding experiment was a success. It looks like the two of you have managed to work out your issues without needing the gun to do so,” Caine wipes away small tears from his eyes, “I’m so proud of the two of you. Next!” With a snap of his fingers, Pomni and Gangle are switched with the two of them. Ragatha now stood beside Zooble while Jax was on the opposite side with Kinger. She won’t lie, she misses the contact.
The box is rebuilt, the instructions are given again, and Pomni and Gangle are popped into the room. Now all there was to do was wait. She breathes heavily, earning her a look from Zooble beside her.
“Rough time in there? Can’t imagine how you put up with Jax without wanting to end him. Unless you did and Caine just fixed him up before you two left.”
“Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. In fact… It wasn’t so bad,” Through the corner of her eye, she notices his ears perk up. He was listening to her. Good, “He’s not so bad,” His lips curl upward, but he tries to hide it by turning his face away, “He’s not so bad.”
For the first time in what felt like forever, she meant it.