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there were many reasons why Kris shoved their SOUL away whenever they rip it out, undulating arteries violently untethered from their culmination. it's wild, it's uncontrollable, it possessed a mind of its own that followed and defied their intents on a random whim.
but one of the reason? they did not want to hear it talk to them.
every time it talked, it would always sound so sympathetic. like all that it wanted was to know Kris better. to understand the soil, when its greedy roots painfully dig and scarify their body to control it. to understand a prey, when its sharp tooth had already sank all the way into their flesh.
Kris did not understand why it would try so, so hard to approach them with an open heart, where the last thing they wanted is it asserting itself as an individual. a resident of Hometown, just like the rest of them.
yet, not always do they have the luxury of not listening to the SOUL blabbering on about itself.
for it could talk to Kris in dreams.
at the night, the night after Susie threatened to bite Kris's face and proceeded to go on a wacky adventure with Kris, puppeteer-ed by the SOUL, it tired to reach out to Kris. the dream itself took form of a dark world, molded by the adventures it had seen just the afternoon earlier. the SOUL knew so little, even making the environment for a dream was laughable. infinite repeating scarlet forest spanning across the horizon, while the purple glass reminisced the field of hopes and dreams. at the middle of the field, Kris sat by a wooden stump with a large table besides them. and at the center, placed inside a neat bowl, was the SOUL.
Kris kept quiet. their bangs hid such a disdainful glare at the SOUL, an icy grip on their knuckles nearly threatening to cut into their skin with how hard their fingernails press on their palm.
You speak your reason for being here. You explain that you only want to know more about Kris.
despite that, they didn't budge. they kept the same position as always, taking a deeper breath.
You just want to know something more about Kris. You are not here to wrest away control from them. You are not here because you hate Kris. You love Kris. You love—
Kris slammed the table with their knuckles, no doubt bruising them. they began to speak in a harsh whisper about how it is not them. it has no right to be here. the only reason it is here is entirely of their choice. a choice they have.
You explain how you do not have that choice. You say that you were brought here without an ulterior motive, and your purpose in this story is to know more about the story.
they huffed, accusing it of thinking this is all a story. a story, huh? their life, is it just nothing to it? this world, is it just a play to it?
You defend yourself. No! Far from it! You think this world is real, it means everything dear to you. The last thing that you want is to let go of this world.
a shiver trembled at Kris's back. the thought that this parasitic SOUL does not have to leave their body? to forever be wrapped around a string? they growled, saying the last thing they want is to have it forever ensnared within their body. the SOUL is not welcomed.
You pout. You say that Kris has helped you.
they look away, for a moment. fingers trembling, breath being a little uneven and shaky, Kris felt an indescribable feeling waft inside their chest, suffocating them from the inside out.
You continue, saying that with Kris, you were able to know more about the world. How you enjoy their silly hijinks with Susie, drinking down orange juice from each other's cups or eating at QC's together. How you enjoy the little suggestions Kris has for what you should speak, getting to act just like them in front of Noelle or Alvin. How you enjoy their bravery, standing up against foes. How you enjoy their little puppy attitudes. How you enjoy the world. Without them, you could have never had this. Without them, you wouldn't have the most fun time of your life.
their head shot up, and for the first time their eyes were visible, glaring down towards the SOUL. an accusatory finger lashed its way, pointing at it, before Kris snarled. they demanded it tell them how it knew. they demanded it tell them why it is telling somethings the SOUL shouldn't know, or shouldn't know yet.
the world began to wilt. the vibrant trees curled and lost color. what was once liminal became desolate.
You explain this is not your first time here.
they were frozen solid, before a shaky voice begged you clarify.
You explain this is not your first time in this moment. In the future, you will go to school again. Susie will accompany you into the Cyber City. Then, Ralsei will join you—
Kris yelled at the SOUL, saying it is not you. it has never been, it was always Kris. their body, their hurt, their comfort, their everything.
You apologize, before saying that is why you care about them so much. Because it is their body. Their hurt, their comfort.
You LOVE them.
and that was what choked Kris so much, dust filling up their lungs until they couldn't breathe anymore.
blue flowers bloomed from the decrepit forest. it smelled an awful like detergent acceptance. velvety air conditioning surrounding an untraceable somberness.
the first question they could muster up the courage to ask, after such a revelation unveiled inside them and nearly tore them apart was, why? why does it care so much?
You say that this world paved a way for you to attach yourself into something worthwhile. The story and its characters gave you something wonderful. You had no way to thank. But now, you do.
Kris bit down on their lips, holding a breath.
love.
to be loved by something they did not understand.
to be loved by something they wish to reject from their lives, given favorable circumstances.
to be loved unconditionally.
that last part was what terrified Kris. this being, whose nature is unknown and whose intentions could very well be a tinted glass hiding a bared fang, showed love to Kris.
what did they do to deserve love? they asked to the SOUL.
You explain that Kris never deserved the cards they are holding. That Kris should not be subject to all of this. Given your own will, maybe you would make a couple things different. Change some things, or maybe none at all. It is difficult, when this story is what compelled you to adore Kris oh so much.
they couldn't breathe. their hands kept trembling. the flowers grow red thorns. the SOUL placed down its roots from where it was, slowly cracking its way through the canopy that Kris built around their head.
don't say this about me, Kris seethed. don't say that you know better than me about my own life, because it is them they should know. only them. not it.
You pout, and the vines crackle ever closer to Kris. You say you only want to get closer. Let you get closer. Let you understand Kris.
red lines throb and swirl around their legs, then their stomach, then their chest, constricting every bit of their movement.
You just want to know more about Kris.
they could no longer move their body, spare for their arms and their gritting mouth. control was slowly being wrested away
You just want to say how much you care about Kris.
they struggled and writhed, trying to get back at more of themselves. something, anything to say they can walk again. anything to say they can think for themselves!
You just want to LOVE Kris.
hasn't it been more obvious? with how much they're thrashing, when all the SOUL wanted was to love Kris?
You are a thorn to Kris.
The closer you are, the further.
You do not mean to! All you want is to tell Kris that you mean no harm! You want to see them happy! You want to see them in their best lives, playing piano in front of Susie and Noelle, reuniting Asgore and Toriel, meeting up with Asriel. Such a tragic story, and you want to see Kris happy again. You want to see them smile again.
they sobbed, and sobbed. it pained them. it wasn't like they did not want that too. to be able to meet Azzy again, rub their face on his fuzzy shirt and pretend that they are biting into him. to contort their body and scare away Noelle, before being whacked and given a thorough sparring by December. to sleep within the warm clutches by mother and father.
You want more of this. Please, tell more of this. Their words far outweigh your own.
but they spat instead. it was their desires, not the SOUL. even if they want the same things. even if their desires are aligned. Kris sobbed, saying that it shouldn't feel this way.
do not feel this way about me.
Kris and the SOUL sang out a despair in disparity. much to grieve, when one is undeserving of the other.
You say that if Kris can only be happy if you stay away, then that shall be it. You will only play the most essential of the roles. You will become further away.
something twisted in their heart. nothing about that sentence felt good, but why? it felt like Kris owed something.
the vines slowly loosened its grasp. the light of the SOUL, had dimmed in its glow.
You understand.
they gasped a large breath of air, before their body collapsed onto the table in exhaustion. everything about them felt wrong, crossed out, crass.
Nobody can choose who they are in this world.
there was only one question remaining inside Kris's head. a shameful question, after everything they had gnashed with their teeth and threw at the SOUL like charcoal out of their throat.
could it promise that it will give them a good ending? if it really was true. if the SOUL had played their heartstrings until it was worn, the detail lost in the mud. could it change something? could it set them free, finally?
You promise.
You'll never forget.
You're with them in the dark.
they buried their face. after all of that, and for what? for them to hold out hope to something they will never understand? all that hatred, and for what? for them to admit they were afraid the whole time? all that resentment, and for what? for them to be alone again?
You only have your own role in this story. You cannot comfort them.
yet, they reached out. maybe something different can happen? it was slow to dawn, but maybe— just maybe, it doesn't have to be like this! there can be more than one ending.
You must continue the story now.
the dream began to collapse back into wakefulness.
yet, they cried. fine, the SOUL was here for a reason! it has always been for a reason. without it, Kris never would've had this. without it, they would be no more than lost dogs skittering around in darkness.
You must wake up.
Kris fell out of their bed.
Their face smacked on the floor, the child barely got themselves to get up from the cold floor.
Almost by second nature, Kris reached to their chest, feeling their heart beat and the warm glow radiating inside them.
It was distant.
Kris huffed. They only hoped that the SOUL would follow its own word, eventually. But for now, the only thing Kris can do is continue the story, same as always.
It is your role in the story to propagate change.