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3 days before Valentine's Day, the first love letter appeared on Ushio’s table.
It was a normal day for him, the same old, same old routine of going to class, occasionally chatting with some very few classmates, keeping to himself, same old same old.
The whole school was talking about their plans for the upcoming day. Ushio paid none of this mind; it’s not like he ever really participated in the whole schtick of Valentine's Day away. It’s not like any of his classmates would ever pay him any mind– let alone think of him in that sort of way. It was always such a pain to be hearing about other people's love lives.
And it’s not like he’ll ever admit this to anyone, but he felt some sort of jealousy towards those who have people flocking towards them like flies. One of these people he’s really jealous of: Muneuji. He had always been such a ladies man— to the point where he had to start wearing an astronaut helmet to hide his face, just because there had been incidents where people fainted due to his looks.
Not like he’d want to really be that attractive, but maybe he’d like for someone—anyone— to desire him.
So you’d expect how someone with this level of romantic longing would react to seeing a supposed love letter packaged neatly on his table.
He was walking the halls back to his classroom with Muneuji, chatting about whatever was interesting in their lives that day. And naturally, with the season of love coming up, it was expected for it to come up in their conversation.
“Valentine's day is coming up, Uu-chan. Is there anyone that has caught your eye?” Muneuji asks, expecting the same answer he gets from Ushio every year.
“No,” he pauses, “Same as last year.”
“Ah, right. Apologies.” Muneuji slightly chuckles at Ushio. Guess this was to be expected from him. But, he does hope that someday he’ll find it in him to find someone other than himself to open up to.
As the two of them finally head back to Ushio’s classroom, they walk past a bunch of other students. Not noticing anything or anyone out of place. Barely anyone had been in the building during their break time, as they had a canteen.
Lazily pushing open the door, Ushio’s eyes lock onto a foreign object placed neatly on his desk. A light pink envelope, sealed by a cute heart sticker. This was definitely not his– right? With a little too much enthusiasm, the blonde quietly speedwalks his way over to his desk. Not caring about his classmate’s confused looks.
Upon further inspection, there wasn’t a signed sender, just a name. “To: Kurama Ushio.”
So it is his.
Huh.
‘Now this is new.’ Muneuji thinks– looking over to Ushio, who has a completely blank face just staring intently at the pink letter in his hand. Eyes completely lost in thought. Or to put it more simply, he was lost in this newfound excitement for the upcoming week.
What Muneuji didn’t know was that he was over the moon by this.
In Ushio’s eyes, ‘This was just like a scene in that ReiOu doujin I read!’ he screams internally. Trying the hardest he can to stop the blush from creeping up his cheeks– by looking like he’s seen a ghost whilst staring at the letter. He was absolutely ecstatic, thinking about all the possible people he could’ve received this from.
But wait, doesn’t his whole class dislike him—
“Hello, Earth to Uu-chan.” Muneuji calls out. Ushio, startled, turns his head to look at his best friend, the tinted plastic of the astronaut helmet he always wore showing his reflection.
“O-oh, sorry.” He was so caught up with all his daydreams and romance fantasies that he had genuinely forgotten that he was still in class.
“Is this for you?” Muneuji asks, clearly surprised by this unexpected turn. Sure, he was used to getting love confessions during Valentines season, hell, he even has a fan club. But, seeing Ushio get a love letter makes him somewhat happy. Maybe he’d reciprocate the feelings of this mystery sender.
Ushio, visibly trying to hide his enthusiasm ‘calmly’ states, “Oh yeah. This is for me,” he continues, “It’s not really that rare for me to get these kinds of letters. I’ve just never been reading them, y’know?”
‘A total lie.’ He thinks to himself.
Feeling the need to catch up with Muneuji— his own insecurities catching up to his psyche. He’d always envied Muu-chan for the way he effortlessly attracted people just at a single glance of his face. Ushio would never say this out loud, but he was kind of glad that he started wearing that astronaut helmet. That means, less people having to compliment him for his looks.
And now, he finally could prove to himself that— someone would want him.
—
Just outside Ushio’s classroom, Nanaki, headphones uncharacteristically at the side of his neck. He taps his foot almost impatiently on the ground, ‘God, why did I do that?’ he asks himself, quite visibly shaken.
His mind flashes back to the night before; forcing his hand writing to be neater, rereading every letter he had written, stressing out over every detail in the letter that could possibly be traced back to him. He had written the first two letters, deciding to write that last letter the night before he’d give it to Ushio.
This was a final ditch attempt at trying to erase these feelings for the guy he’d been crushing on for what seems like forever at this point. Always silently admiring from afar, never seeing to get any closer. This was eating him alive, he had to do something, anything to get his feelings across.
And this was his way of doing it. Spending a school night writing 3 love letters to be given through the span of 3 days until Valentines day. Almost like a count down for his social suicide.
‘Whatever.’ Nanaki thinks to himself, fully engrossed with dotting down every single one of his emotions, packed into these three letters. Once he was finished, he picked a different envelope for each one of them. Hoping that this would make Ushio think that they were all from different people.
Regrets were formed in the span of one night, though it was too late for him to back down from this.
—
Back in the hallway, he caught a glimpse of Ushio reading the letter next to Muneuji. It was a strange feeling, getting to watch the person read an ‘anonymous’ letter that he made. Though maybe, it was just what he needed.
He felt his heart pounding at his chest, ‘What if he didn’t like it?’ Nanaki asks himself, having nearly memorized all of the letters he had written due to the constant proofreading he had done. Though, his worries were put to rest when Ushio had set aside the letter— since he was facing away from the door, he could only imagine what his face looked like.
Which made him quite disappointed, yes. But still— phase one was complete. Just… two more days to go.
“You got this.” He tells himself, feeling his blood running up to his ears, turning his ears into a deep shade of red. Rebuking the thoughts telling him that he’s any normal about this.
—
Back at home, Ushio was hopelessly re-reading every single word of the letter. His heart was uncharacteristically pounding in his chest looking at the letter.
It was all about his personality, the way that the writer had noticed all the minute details about him and decided to write about it in a love letter just gnawing at the blonde. All he could do now was wonder about who could’ve been so kind enough to write about him in this way? Was it a pretty girl? Was it someone he knew? Was it—
‘Enough, whoever it is, this must be some joke, right?’
He quells his thoughts, there isn’t anyone that crosses his mind who’d be into him.
Even when he tries to calm himself down, he spends his night dreaming about being in the same shoes of his OTP in another doujin he finds.
—
The next day, Ushio– feeling a bit proud with his new ‘secret admirer,’ walks side by side with Muneuji. Asking all sorts of tips and tricks he could learn from mister heart throb himself.
“So,” Ushio shyly asks, “How do you… Um. Deal with these kinds of things?”
“Oh? Whatever do you mean, Uu-chan?”
His face reddens, it was pretty embarrassing for him to ask Muneuji for advice, for this sort of thing. But it had to be done, since he had just received another love letter. His second one— ever! If this was all just an elaborate prank, he was too far gone to even think that anyone would stop and think about what they’d want to say to him if they were ever to confess to him.
Pretty strange, but it’s really how he thinks.
Ushio’s gotten so used to being ignored and blatantly disliked by his peers, that a simple act of affection directed towards him (with no ill intent behind it) feels foreign to him.
Muneuji, looking towards him, smiles underneath the astronaut helmet. “So, I assume you get another letter?”
“Damn right.” He says, his face plastering a smug facade.
“Is there any indicator as to who it might be?”
A pause.
“...No.”
“Ah. Still a complete mystery.”
The suspense was eating away at the blonde, his eyes scanned through the almost empty hallway, looking for someone he’d think would like him. There was still a ton of time before classes started, so he might as well just keep asking Muneuji questions when it comes to admirers. He was the expert as he would say so himself.
But what he doesn’t realize, that the person he was seeking all along was at the exact scene of the crime.
Ushio and Muneuji finally reach their classroom. And just as they entered the door, Ushio bumps into– Nanaki?
“Oh, it’s you Nanamegi–” He partially exclaimed. “A– Ah sorry! I better get going!” Nanaki exclaimed as he speed-walked away from the classroom.
“Are you alright?” Muneuji asks, receiving an annoyed nod from Ushio. “That damned Panda– he should’ve watched where he was going before running off!” His childhood friend laughs, before taking his leave to do whatever else he needs to get done before class.
Ushio ruffles his head in annoyance before turning to the empty classroom. The warm morning sunlight illuminates the room. Everything was in place, say except for one thing
Another letter.
Placed neatly on his table.
Oh?
Ushio frantically looks around the hallways, looking for anyone who might’ve been in the classroom in the last 5 minutes. ‘...No one.’ he thinks to himself. It was only– Nanaki. He approaches his table and sits down to skim through the letter.
‘Same writing style as yesterday,’ he thinks. Taking some key details about the letter, this time it was talking now about his looks and mannerisms. The writer seemed awestruck at the first sight of Ushio.
“I fell for your looks at first, but I fell even harder when I got to know you.”
By now, Ushio’s face was beet red and if it was possible for someone to produce steam from their head, he would’ve been boiling hot.
This was a direct hit to Ushio’s heart– as he was always insecure of how he looked. Ever since the fire, his self esteem had dropped into the near negatives. It didn’t help with the fact that even his own classmates call him “creepy” for smiling.
And here he was, reading a love letter dedicating a whole section of it to his smile alone.
It made him feel giddy, something he rarely ever felt. Only times being when Sanseiu uploads a new doujin.
And now, he finally got a lead on who this mystery figure might be—
His friend, Nanaki Nanamegi.
He lays his head on his table. Contemplating on what to do next, should he just wait and see what happens?
‘We’re friends. Surely he has the balls to tell me if there was something going on with him. Right?’ ‘Or he could just be delivering these letters for some random person—’
‘Damn it!’ He internally screams, shutting up the dissuasive thoughts.
‘Let’s just see where this goes.’
—
The last day before Valentines came, the school was preparing to be decorated in different shades of pinks and reds. Both girls and guys are prepping throughout the hallways, ribbons, banners, and even some balloons are scattered throughout the hallways.
Valentine's day was always held in high regard for some unknown reason, but now as Nanaki would have it— it was a day before he would gamble his friendship with Ushio.
He blasted the loudest thing he could find in his playlist to distract him from the constant drumming of his heartbeat. He had made sure to come extra early to school to make sure that running into the guy he was writing love letters to wouldn’t happen… again…
Nanaki glanced around the entrance of Ushio’s classroom.
Perfect, no one’s around.
He sneaks into the classroom and quickly places his last letter onto the table.
One last look at the letter, and he decides to head out as quickly as he entered. There was still a little part of him that wanted to get the letter back and just— let the memory of his letters fade from Ushio’s memory.
But, he’s come this far. He might as well finish what he started.
Though, he’s curious about how Ushio feels about the letters. And maybe, he wanted to have a conversation with the guy— even though recently, he had been glued to Muneuji’s side.
Which… maybe, just made him a little…. Jealous?
He’d never admit that out loud, but seriously. Ever since he had given that first letter 2 days ago, every time he found the perfect opportunity to try and talk to Ushio, one way or another he’d end up clinging onto Muneuji.
He originally didn’t want to be linked back to the letters, but in a last minute change of heart, he decided to make the envelope of the final color his own favorite color, with Ushio’s favorite color as the seal.
God, he knew they were close, but he can't help but think there’s something more going on between the two of them.
It’s fine, he’ll just– summon every ounce of courage he has on Valentine's day.
—
Ushio stares at the letter, it has a teal envelope sealed with a navy heart.
Now all the gears in his head are turning, this is meant for him, and the envelope is also “coincidentally” Nanaki’s favorite color. He saves reading this for when he’s home.
It was still early in the morning, and he had a ton of time, and so, he decided to clear his head by walking before class started.
But in a strange twist of fate, he runs into Nanaki walking through the halls. He seemed engrossed in his music, but once his eyes laid on Ushio, there was a shift in the air.
As if he had wanted this to happen.
“Oh, good morning Kurama-kun.” Nanaki smiles innocently, his heartbeat telling a different story.
Ushio, trying to look like he didn’t think that Nanaki is his lovesick letter sender, tries his best to act polite and to not tease him. To his own dismay.
“Morning.”
Silence enveloped the two guys for just a moment, not awkward, just– silence.
“So, uh,” Nanaki continued, his own curiosity getting the better of himself.
“Have you received any letters… recently?” He trails off at the last part.
‘He’s so fucking obvious.’ Ushio laughs internally.
“Yeah, why?”
Nanaki gulps. Ah, should he have asked that? Was that too obvious? (Well yes, but that’s besides the point)
“Nothing, nothing.” Nanaki tries brushing off the subject that he himself brought up.
He excuses himself, and walks away from Ushio and into the nearest bathroom. Leaning over the sink, he looked up at the mirror. His face was flushed, and his palms were producing copious amounts of sweat. If anyone were to come into the bathroom, they’d think he was having a fever.
They wouldn’t be wrong, since he was lovesick.
Heading outside of the bathroom— he walks past Ushio’s classroom, and again. He sees Ushio, tied to the hip to Muneuji. Talking about something he couldn’t hear.
Great. Just what he needed to see.
With a heavy heart, he walks away from the scene. Sulking away in his jealousy.
—
At home, Ushio lays in his bed. Love letter raised above his head and against the light. This letter’s contents— were much more personal than the last two.
It was about the writer's (or who he now knows as Nanaki to be) inner feelings and conflicts with own psyche. He wants so desperately for his feelings to be heard, to be recognized instead of rotting away, locked deep in his heart.
The letter then talks about how it’s so difficult trying to get close to Ushio.
"You know, ever since I started liking you, the more my love grew for you, the more it hurt.”
Ah.
‘Is this really how that Panda feels?’ Ushio thinks.
The more he looked at it, he could see some faint water damage on the paper. Were those tear drops?
Those words reached Ushio’s heart. All this time, he was closed off– and unknowingly making the one guy who he least expected to have a crush on him of all things get pushed away. All the walls he built to protect himself, only ended up causing pain to those around him.
He had never been vulnerable to anyone aside from Muneuji, but that’s only because they’re childhood best friends and have seen each other in many different states prior to moving to this school.
‘I’m just glad I was able to give this letter to you. Even if you’re already with Kaguya-kun. You’ve been… really open about it recently. Sticking to his side every moment I see you.’
What?
“What? Oh no, no, no— Does this guy seriously think I’m dating Muu-chan?!” Ushio nearly jumps off his bed once he reads that sentence. His mouth agape in pure disbelief, the only reason he was doing so was to ask him for advice, Not going on dates with him!
He facepalms. What a joke.
Fine, if this is how he wants to play, so be it! He’ll write down his own feelings for Nanaki. Ushio almost dashes to his table, grabs a pen, and begins scrapping letter ideas. The sound of writing goes on throughout the late hours of the night. This’ll be a first for him, but maybe it’s a needed one.
—
Finally, Valentine's day.
Today, Nanaki decided to go to school a little later to avoid most of the Valentine's craze. But even still, the hallways are flooded with girls and guys alike. All eager to receive gifts or to confess their love. He’s thankful for his headphones being soundproof, or else he’d rather go absent than surf through a sea of students.
Everything was normal, until he shimmies his way into his classroom, excusing himself through crowds of people. It’d always been so bothersome, having to see other people get with the people they like. Knowing that he’d never have what they have.
A small thought bubbled up at the back of his mind. Maybe, his letters reached Ushio’s heart. Maybe he’d actually have a chance? Who knows. He wasn’t vague in the slightest with the last letter he sent, so he hopes that he—
‘Wait a minute,’ Nanaki thinks to himself. Standing at the doorway of his classroom.
‘What’s Ushio doing here?’
Blood instantly shot up his face, ‘What’s he doing here?!’ every fiber of his being is telling him to run away, to dissipate into the crowd of people and pretend he wasn’t even there. But a small part of him wants to stay, to see what he’s really here for.
And somehow, that small part of him wins.
“Hey, Kurama-kun. Happy Valentine’s day.” He says, whilst approaching Ushio who’s seated on his desk. Upon seeing Nanaki approaching the table, he abruptly stood up. The sudden movement made the chair scratch against the floor.
A moment passes, the two— standing face-to-face. The classroom goes silent as the blonde suddenly grabs Nanaki by the wrist and drags him to go outside the currently crowded classroom.
Nanaki yelps in shock, as he’s brought back to the hallway filled with people. Guided only by the grasp of Ushio, he hopes that the guy dragging him couldn’t feel his pulse. Cause he swears that his heart was running laps.
The noise slowly dissipates as they approach a lesser known spot in their school. Ushio hadn’t said a single word to Nanaki— but, what is now known is what he’d give him next.
He finally turns to face Nanaki, his face flushed.
“Here.”
He mutters under his breath. Forcefully shoving the letter into Nanaki’s grasp.
Nanaki stands confused and shocked at the same time. Was this really meant for him? All he could hear now was the beating of his own heart. Was this reality, or was this all a dream?
Barely under a whisper,
“Happy Valentine's Day, Panda.”