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"Dan, look", Phil said quietly. He didn't need to, if he was concerned about anyone overhearing. The airport waiting area was buzzing and it was difficult to distinguish any of the hundreds of dialogues happening at once. Dan turned his attention to Phil, pausing a reel on his phone, but not blocking the screen.
"What?"
"There, the guy."
Dan followed his gaze, but he already knew what he was going to see. One of two things: a beautiful man, or just a normal man, but with muscles on display. Phil rarely missed an opportunity to look and have a good time.
"Yeah." Obviously, Dan was right.
The dude two rows of seats away from them was wearing a sports vest, and he did in fact have really nice arms. Dan wasn't gonna pretend he was immune to that either.
"So?" But he loved being a little shit.
"Do you think he’s gay?"
"No. Maybe." Dan smiled, knowing what must've been happening in Phil's head. "Why does it matter for your little fantasy?"
"What?"
Phil gave him a scandalised look, turning away from the guy for a second but momentarily going back.
"I don’t have a fantasy."
"You do, you’re doing in right now, your cheeks are pink."
"I’m just admiring."
"Sure, babe."
Dan had finally blocked his phone and fully turned his gaze to Phil, who was still staring while trying to be subtle. He was always looking good, but at that moment he was unfairly beautiful — even under the offensive airport lighting. His blond messy and fresh and his cheekbones high. His lips looked even softer than usual. Dan didn't think much before saying:
"If he’s gay, he would be into you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You look really good. Your ass is very nice in those shorts, your thighs look soft. Your eyes are glowing and you're smiling really pretty."
Phil started giggling half way through Dan's list, only confirming his entire point.
If he was honest, Dan had played himself there: he wasn’t planning on getting into Phil's bullshit. In fact, he was just going to tease him for crushing on a random airport dude. Initially. But now he had to say what was on his mind. He dropped his voice even further and got closer to Phil's ear.
"You’re so pretty when you’re horny."
Phil's mouth opened a little and Dan knew that he'd fucked up both of them.
"Doesn’t it bother you that I’m horny for him?" Phil nodded towards the guy, teasing.
"Never, babe." It didn't. Deep inside, Phil’s unashamed attraction to men had always been something Dan loved. When he let himself believe that Phil wasn’t going anywhere because of those moments, his appreciation for them only grew — and that’s been sorted out more than a decade ago.
Phil poked Dan's arm, getting him back from his nostalgic thoughts.
"Would you?"
"Hm." Dan looked at the guy carefully. The muscles weren't the only beautiful thing about him. "Yes. He's cute, I like his face."
"Yes. And he probably has great abs, you know."
"God, you're insufferable", Dan laughed quietly. "Has it been too long or what?" It must have been two days since they'd had sex.
"Maybe it has", Phil smiled and then explained. "It's boring here".
"Yeah". Dan didn't feel bored at all. He was having a great time staring at Phil's lips and listening to his fantasies.
"I would fuck him", Phil totally pretended to have just made a decision.
"Of course you would, we've established that."
Phil had a point: for Dan, imagining himself and the guy going for it was fun. Imagining Phil and the guy — also great. It could even be a threesome, they fantasised about that sometimes. It was hypothetical and safe — in another life, what endeavors could occur? They would never know. If they never met each other, fucking this guy would be a nice thing. It's great that they don't need to think about it in this universe, though.
"Would you let me?"
"What?" Dan looked at Phil.
His tone was warm, but his eyes looked devilish.
"Would you let me go and fuck him?"
Dan's brain short-circuited.
"Where?"
That really wasn't the right question.
"In the bathroom."
Phil looked Dan in the eyes, his gaze challenging, teasing. Dan didn't understand a thing yet, but his body was already filled with all the sensations at once. He bet it was all on his face: his cheeks felt hot.
That was not how those talks usually went.
"You know". Phil clearly tried not to speak too fast, eager with excitement. Dan didn't hear anything expect for Phil's voice, all the sounds gone. "Me and the guy. Now, we could go find a place to do it".
Dan felt sick and his dick was getting too much blood in it for a public place. He wouldn't get hard, but still. Phil seemed to see right through him and his speechless brain situation — he usually got those things exactly right.
"We'd go there and he would touch me with his big hands and then fuck me." Phil looked over at the guy again, breathing harder. "We'd kiss, I bet he kisses so well."
"Phil, what the fuck."
"I'd take the condoms." Phil pointed at Dan's backpack which did contain a pack. Of their condoms. That they liked to use when they couldn't be bothered with the clean-up after. Dan imagined Phil's hands putting a condom on a guy's dick and trembling from excitement. Breathing was becoming harder.
"He could prep me well with those fingers". It was all too much.
"Stop".
Dan exhaled and looked away to have a couple of breaths. Fuck, fuck. He looked back at Phil in disbelief, still hearing his own heartbeat in his ears.
Phil didn't attempt to continue talking, but struggled to hide his smile. When he finally gave in, Dan was only able to join him.
"Fuck. I hate you".
Breathe in. Breathe out.
All the airport sounds slowly returned to Dan's perception and he felt aware of his surroundings again. Phil was whispering, amazed.
"You liked it."
"Stop. I…" Dan shrugged his head. Phil's attention fully on him and Phil's excitement about their thing soothed the embarrassment he was starting to feel. It's Phil. It's Phil, it's okay. "You also liked it. Are you normal, actually? No?"
Phil laughed, "No."
Fuck. His heart ached. The hotel room. They needed to get to the hotel room. Dan looked over — the guy had left, and he didn't really notice when.
"That was different."
"Actually, fuck you!"
The whole way to the hotel never stopped being about that thing. Dan watched a lot of F1 videos on a plane trying to get his thoughts away from what happened. With some success. Phil smiled at him both conspicuously and kind of endeared — shame burned on the back of Dan's neck. He had to calm down in that stupid airport waiting area, getting the annoying post-sex clarity without the actual pleasure. Well, Dan's masochistic soul was also fine with edging…
They were now in a hotel room, washing their hands from all the deadly bacteria they'd encountered and setting an air-con to a normal temperature.
When they were done, Dan let Phil drag him and pin him against the wall.
"So?"
"You made it different, not me."
"I did. I didn't want to stop." Phil was then kissing him, and Dan felt with his whole body and mind like being alive finally didn't hurt. He was not alone in this.
"Fuck, Phil."
Phil shifted to his neck and ear, kissing and nuzzling at the same time, like he missed Dan even though they'd left the same house in the morning.
"Was it good?"
"Phil…" Dan nodded, eyes closed, and Phil probably felt it more than saw. "M-hm."
The need to rub against Phil was desperate, but they weren't touching hips. It felt deliberate and offensive.
"For me too." It sounded like a secret, a warm notice, but then Phil's voice shifted slightly.
"You liked that I wanted to fuck him. I really wanted it. And you would be just sitting there, waiting for me to come back." Phil was being mean, and Dan felt like crying.
"Waiting patiently until I had enough of his dick in me, stretching me good. Not yours. I was too horny for that today, I wanted his cock."
The images were all over Dan's brain: Phil, beautiful and desperate, and the guy, fucking him from behind. Dan whimpered embarrassingly, but at least it made Phil get his hand in Dan's pants and touch his dick. Fuck, that felt good.
"You're so hard imagining it." Phil squeezed his dick gently, immediately staring to jerk it in short motions. Not enough but good, good, oh so good. "Do you think you'd be able to hear us? I think no, I would try so hard to stay quiet…"
Phil's dick was equally hard, and he started humping Dan's hip a little. The breath next to Dan's ear was hot, Phil's voice strained.
"No one should know that I am whoring around with a hot guy, when my boyfriend is right there. It would be mine and his secret. Imagine the sound of me barely holding it together." Phil's hand was flying faster over his dick, and it felt lubed up — Dan was sure it was Phil's spit. The pleasure was building up and he never wanted to leave this space: in Phil's hands, admitting his deepest fantasies and feeling high on shame. Seen, fucked.
"Of course, you would know, but it doesn't count, right? You're such a loving boyfriend, don't even protest when I want another dick. You'd kiss me nicely on a cheek afterwards, like it's okay that I wanted him instead if you."
"Phil, please, fuck."
He would. He would kiss him and ask if it was good, if Phil felt satisfied and happy.
"I would tell you every detail. How good it felt, how fast he went."
Dan was crying and his body felt like heaven.
"I'd let you see my ass all puffy and pink after him."
Dan came.
It went on longer than usual, or Dan lost all the ability to register time. More, more, Phil slowed down but didn't stop stimulating him. Dan's legs were trembling slightly.
Phil kissed him on the mouth, both their tongues cold from breathing frantically. Dan felt a little bit of salt — his tears, probably.
"I love you."
"I fucking love you."
He didn't know who said what. The time stopped, and all Dan knew was Phil and his presence.
"Let's lie down."
The next moment they were on the bed, Phil hugging Dan tightly. Breathe in. Breathe out. He must have taken care of Dan's cum, because nothing felt wet.
"Dan, you're so good." Just the whisper.
Dan didn't have the energy to respond or acknowledge what happened. Or did he? Actually...
"I am fucking you in an hour."
Phil chuckled.
"I fucking hope so."