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“Good job team.” Robert announces, stretching his hands above his head. His back doesn’t crack. Well, that must be good, right? Except he can feel the pressure building. He’ll have to stretch in the gym a bit before heading out today.
“See you all in an hour.”
The comms are suspiciously quiet. He hopes that it’s because they are all taking their lunch calmly and not up for any shenanigans.
When he walks into the break room, the entire team is huddled around a table and there is a phone set up on top of a -very professional looking- mini tripod. Prism waves at him excitedly when she spots him.
“Roberto! Just in time.”
He raises a brow at them. “In time for what, exactly?”
“We’re making a candy salad bro.” Sonar answers, showing a pack of candies at his face.
“Uh-huh. What’s the camera for?” He grabs the package.
“It’s for a new PR campaign.” Mal chimes in. “New trend. You say something traumatic that happened to you, dump the candy in-”
“Boom!” Sonar butts back in. “Trauma dump candy salad.”
He frowns. He can’t stop them from posting whatever they want in their own time, but he doesn't know if they’re even allowed to film inside the company building. “Is that allowed?”
“Oh, don’t worry, Miss Blazer already approved it.”
“Yeah, loosen up, dad.” Visi pops up from behind him. He startles slightly. He’ll never get used to that, probably.
“Okay.” he sighs. “I’ll try my best to stay out of shot. Please be done by the end of lunch break.”
“What you talking about, bitch?” Flambae asks with an eye roll and oh he does not like the sound of that.
“You’re doing it with us!” Prism says again, throwing him a flashy grin.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“You do not have to share any sensitive information.” Coupé tells him. “I also have previous clients that would not be happy about me talking.”
“First of all, I don’t like the use of ‘also’ there. Second of all, as far as the public knows, I’m just your dispatcher.”
“Oh come on!” Prism whines. “Waterboy’s doin’ it! If even his boring ass can put something out, I’m sure you have some juicy stories that don’t involve that hunk of metal!” She turns to Herm.
“No offense, baby.”
“No prob- none taken, miss Prism.” He says from the corner.
“Come on, Lad!” Punch Up says, ending with what is supposed to be an encouraging pat on the back but ends up being a devastating blow to the base of his already aching spine. He bites his tongue. “Fine.”
Cheers and whoops reverberate around the room.
“I’ll go first.” Flambae says.
“Get in line, bae.” Prism chastites. “It’s MY page. I’ll do an intro.”
She presses the record button.
“Hi y’all! It’s your favourite superhero! And pop star! Today we’re doing a-” She pauses for dramatic effect. “Trauma dump candy salad!” She announces, presenting an empty bowl.
“Let’s go!” She grabs a pack of candy from outside the camera.
“I’m Prism and as some of you may know, I never knew my dad. He came to the hospital, took one look at me and bailed.” She opens the pack. “And I brought peeling grape candy!”
There’s a few approving hums. Great. So they’re actually doing that. Okay. Whatever. He needs to come up with something that won’t compromise his identity, fast. Chad steps into view.
“I’m Flambae, I control the fire-”
“WE KNOW” Invisigal hollers from his back. “Get to the point.”
“Bitch-”
“No cursing!” Prism tuts. “It needs to get past Miss Blazer if we gon’ do this.” Flambae grumbles.
“Fine. I’m a gay immigrant and I got beat up daily in high school before I learned how to fight back.” He grins to the camera. “And I brought M&M’s. Do I win?”
“You can’t play the gay card babes, that’s cheating.” Malevola says.
“Not in the rules.” He waves a hand dismissively, but steps back.
“Hi!” Invisigal waves at the camera. “I’m Invisigal and when my mom was pregnant with me she smoked so much I developed asthma.” She salutes. “And I brought starbursts.”
“You smoke.” Robert points out.
“Wow, Bob, way to bully people for their addictions.” There’s a shit eating grin on her face. “Not cool bro.” Sonar says, stepping into the frame.
“I’m Sonar, I’m awesome so nothing bad has happened to me ever.”
Prism gives him the middle finger.
“But..” He drawls on. “For my hazing I had to drink hot sauce that landed me in the hospital with stomach ulcers. And I brought cricket lollipops.”
“That’s nasty.” Prism declares.
“Not my fault I have superior taste bro.”
Phenomaman steps forward.
“Hello, internet people. I am known as the hero Phenomaman, I have brought milk duds and I am fundamentally unloveable due to my hideous exterior and incompatible genitalia.”
“Damn dude.” Visi says. “Way to harshen the vibe.” A few people nod. “Also you keep mentioning your junk, I wanna see.”
“I would love to ease your curiosity, friend, but I do not wish to alarm you.”
“Oookay.” Robert steps in. “No one’s looking at anyone’s privates. Also, stop trying to get into people’s pants, Visi.”
“Sourpuss.”
“I’ll edit that out.” Prism says.
Waterboy steps forward.
“H-hi. I’m He- Waterboy. I-uh. I was- tried to- sui- hang.. myself.” Someone chokes on their spit.
“But- I fai- didn’t- rope was wet.” He chokes out, face flush with red. He steps back from the camera before hastily stepping back in, announcing “I got gummy bears!” And shuffling back embarrassedly, leaving a trail of water in his wake.
Robert thinks he should talk to him about it after this. He doesn’t know how long ago this was, but it’s not a bad thing to be cautious. SDN offers mental health services after all.
“Damn boy.” Prism says, tone gentle. “You okay?”
He makes a sound close to a squeak and nods his head. “It was a long- It’s been a while.”
No one looks convinced.
“I’ll give you my therapist’s number.” Flambae says after a moment of silence. “That was dark as hell.”
Herman looks touched. Robert is as well, though mostly surprised.
“No- don’t- I mean. I don’t need t-to.”
“Didn’t ask, wetfartboy.”
There it is.
Waterboy looks down, somehow even redder. “Can we move- skip ov- continue, please?”
Golem takes pity on him.
“My name is Golem. I am a sentient construct made from clay and I was forced to commit crimes by my creator. I got hot tamales.”
“Harsh.” Visi says. Golem just shrugs.
“A’right. S’pose thats me. Name’s Punch Up, and once I lost so badly at a fight the clowns from my circus made fun of me for weeks. And I brought sour punch.” He grins like a kid at Christmas.
That pulls a laugh out of the team.
Robert knows he has gone through worse, so he appreciates the attempt at lightening the mood. He sends him a discreet salute. Colm nods back.
“I am Coupé.” Janelle announces. “I was raised as a weapon and worked as a kill-for-hire for all my childhood.” She pulls out a bag “I brought licorice wheels.”
“I’m not letting you or Sonar pick candy ever again.” Prism mumbles.
Malevola steps forward.
“Hi, my name is Malevola and a criminal family I will not name here has been holding a grudge against me for..” She thinks for several moments. “A few generations, let's say. I was kidnapped multiple times. I brought Snickers.”
“You are the love of my life right now.” Visi says, wiping imaginary tears from her eyes. Mal gives her finger guns.
“Your turn, Robert.”
Right. He forgot about that. He steps forward.
“My name is Robert Robertson. I am the Z-team's dispatcher.” He says to the camera. “I apparently brought..” He glances at the bag in his hands. “..nerds. Very funny, guys.”
“TELL YOUR STORY!” Prism cheers through laughs.
“Right. Well uh.. Not as exciting as the other ones but.. My first ever girlfriend used to crush pills into my drinks so now I have an insane tolerance to benzodiazepines. Which sucks because I needed them for my insomnia.” He steps back. That should do.
He turns to Prism.
“Do I stop the recording?”
“Bitch don’t worry about that! The fuck you mean your ex used to drug you?”
“Woah-” Robert looks around. Everyone’s gaze is locked in on him.
“I mean yeah it sucked but there is a reason she’s my ex.”
“I swear to god-” He hears Flambae exclaim but before he can continue Mal cuts him off.
“Mate.” She has her hands in front of her like she’s comforting a spooked animal. “Why did she do that? I think we are missing some context here.”
Robert shrugs. “I don’t know.” He feels put under the spotlight and he doesn’t like it. He thought this would be a relatively lighthearted story to share.
“I guess she wanted me relaxed?”
“For what, exactly?” Visi asks.
“Do we have to dwell on this?” Robert asks back. “I don’t know what she was thinking. I figured it out after the night we broke up.”
“So this wasn’t even the reason for the break up?”
“No.” He stops the recording. “I had to divide my attention between being Mecha man and her. It did not go over that well as you guys can imagine.”
“Robert.” Mal presses. “Why was she drugging you?”
“Drugging is a strong word. She didn’t do anything bad.” At least until the last time. He thinks. “We just drank and had sex afterwards. I think that was her way of having fun.”
The atmosphere in the room drops down instantly. Robert feels at a loss, staring at the slack jawed and angry expressions on his team's faces.
“What.” he asks, a little bit sharper than he intended.
“Robert.” Coupé approaches him. “You do realise you have been raped, correct?”
He snaps his head towards her. “What? No- no you guys got it all wrong. I was just a dumb teenager back then.”
“That doesn’t excuse her drugging or raping you.”
“Would you stop that!” Robert exclaims, exasperated.
“Bitch shut the fuck up! Why are you protecting her?” Flambae yells, shoulders simmering with flames. Oh-uh. That's not ideal. He needs to diffuse the situation right now.
“I’m not protecting or defending anyone.” He says, slightly raising his voice to get their attention.
“I was young, we broke up. I found out she was using her meds recreationally and that I had developed a tolerance. That was the story. Nothing more to it, and certainly nothing as nefarious as you are all making it out to be.”
“Do you know if she was using them as well?” Prism asks. And. That’s a good question, actually. Robert never saw the need to think much of it.
“I assumed so.” He says. That turns out to be the wrong thing to say. A cacophony of shouts breaks over again. He puts up his hands in defense.
“OKAY! Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “We have twenty minutes left on our break and I want to eat before my second shift. By the way, you guys should too.” He walks over to the vending machine.
“Don’t make a big deal out of it.” He punches in the code for twinkies. He deserves a treat after dealing with their bullshit. He grabs his prize while trying to tune out the shouts from his team. He fills his mug with coffee and tries to beeline it to his desk. He’s not fast enough.
“I have one more question.” Janelle says and Robert can see the gears turning behind her eyes. He really doesn’t want to entertain this but he also wants Janelle to know they are on good terms.
“Just one.” He agrees.
“How old was she?”
“Uh-” He skims through his memory for some information. He’s not sure, honestly. All he remembers is that she had really ugly throw pillows.
“Bitch answer the question.” “Quit stallin’ " Flambae and Prism yell at the same time.
“I’m not stalling.” He says as he pulls open the door. “I just don’t remember it that well. It’s been a long time. I think she was around 24..25? Something like that.”
He steps out and very pointedly does not look at anyone. He said one question and they got their answer.
“I expect everyone on comms in fifteen.” He walks back towards his desk, oblivious to the murderous look on everyone’s faces.