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The two of them had stayed out late. The night was warm, the air was heavy with mid-July humidity, the trees buzzing with life, and the fireflies were out—what a waste trying to sleep would be. At least, that was what Noel said, when he ducked his head in Charlie's window, causing him to jump several feet in the air.
"Jesus, Finley, scared the shit outta me, ever hear of the door?"
"Couldn't use it, your ma would tell my ma I'd come 'round, and I am currently on full lockdown, on account of my recent "lascivious" behavior."
Charlie rolled his eyes. Right, 'course he was getting a visit from Noel. After he'd been caught sneaking out with— Christ,whatshername, whatever, that Noel had taken to getting sweet on, Noel's figuring that the punishment for visiting Charlie will be less than sneaking out to see her again.
That didn't stop Charlie from taking Noel's hand and ducking out the window after him, giddy to see whatever Noel thought was worth the trouble he had gone through.
The trouble was a warm six pack of shitty beer he'd liberated from his dad's stash, hidden in the unsuspecting back field of Charlie's neighbor. They were each on their third, leaning on a wooden fence, talking bullshit, when it happened. Laughing too loud for how close they were to the neighbor's house, but that realization only caused the two to devolve into shushing each other through their laughter, shoulders bumping too close. Noel leaned in, hoping to whisper something in Charlie's ear. Charlie could smell the beer on his breath, feel Noel panting on his cheek as his stomach did somersaults. Charlie turned his head, his belly full of butterflies, saw Noel's lidded, glassy eyes, the shine of Noel's lips. He tilted his head slightly to press their lips together, and for a few seconds, everything in the world felt... it didn't matter to Charlie. It was just the two of them, tasting of stolen beer and smelling of sweat.
Then Noel pulled away, and Charlie sobered up. The look on Noel's face had transformed from a drunken grin to a furrowed brow. Charlie's had spats with Noel before, when they were real little kids. He could've won this scrap quickly, if it was going to turn physical, but Noel didn't like fighting when he couldn't choose the weapon, and he'd always been a smooth talker. His words were venomous, dealing more damage than any gut punch could have.
"What the hell was that?" He demanded to know. "Do you think I'm some sort of pouf?" He shoved Charlie aside by the shoulder. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I didn't- I thought you were tryin to-"
"You thought wrong! I gotta go. Night, Charlie."
Charlie saw the worst case flash before his eyes - Noel turning cold, pulling away from him, not wanting to be seen with him anymore, maybe even telling people why— he lurched after his friend and grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Wait! Wait, hold on, I'm sorry -"
"Get off me!" Noel wrenched out of his grip. "I'm not like you! I don't wanna be like you! Jesus, Charlie, you've got a problem. What the hell were you thinking?"
Charlie shrunk away from him. There was a horrible icy sinking feeling in his chest and his face was burning. He stared at Noel, memorizing his expression, searing it into his memory forever. Charlie almost forgot how to speak.
"I'm sorry. I didn't - I dunno. I dunno. I thought -" Noel's face darkened and Charlie changed tracks fast. "I wasn't thinking. I'm a dumbass. It won't happen again, I swear it."
"You're tellin' me." Noel spat at him. "I oughtta knock your fuckin' lights out, Chuck."
"You can if you want to," Charlie said, desperately. Anything, anything to bury this moment.
Noel looked away. "Get yourself a girl, bud. Just be normal. Everyone else can do it, why can't you?"
Charlie was silent. If he knew the answer to that question, he wouldn't be in this situation right now, would he? Burning down his own fucking life.
Finally, quietly, he said, "Just. Don't tell anyone, OK? It was a one-time thing. Just me being stupid. Won't happen again. I promise."
Noel set his jaw. "Sure. Goodnight."
"See you tomorrow?" Charlie said, out of habit more than anything, and immediately wanted to kick himself.
Noel just waved his hand and kept walking.
So, after all that, years ago, it’s not that Charlie still thinks Noel might want the same thing, he knows better. He put that in his past, has had a couple girls since. Nothing long, but enough. Enough to get people off his back, and most importantly, to get Noel to relax around him again.
It’s Noel, who’s been going steady with a girl, and they just got to the point where she’s ready to “help him out” when it comes up. Except that she really hasn't been much help, which is the topic of conversation today. She's gone down on him, sure, but try as he might, Noel can’t get off. Noel's rambling that she's sweet, but she’s just— she’s not good at it, maybe? Except he’s heard some blushing talk about her from around town, and he knows she’s supposedly a pretty smart mouth. So he's going on and on about this as they smoke their cigarettes on Noel's bed. While Charlie is trying hard to not think about Noel’s cock in this girl’s mouth.
“I dunno, it’s enough to make a fella feel he ain’t quite right, yanno?” Noel ends his soliloquy and Charlie remembers he's supposed to at least pretend to care.
Charlie shrugs, “maybe you don’t like what she’s offering.”
Noel’s eyes narrow at him, “The hell are you implyin’, Chuck?”
“Oh— Jesus— no, Finley, that ain’t—“ he sighs and pushes his hair off his face, taking another drag of his cigarette before leaning his head back on the wall behind the bed. “Look. What I’m trying to say is. You know she’s good, because Tommy said she’s good, yeah? You ain’t Tommy, if she’s blowin’ you like she blew him, there’s gonna be some problems. You might have to tell her what you like.”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that? She’s the first gal who’s ever come near me like that.”
“Talk to her? Find out with her?”
“That’s some pansy shit, Chuck. Men don’t “talk to her,” you’re supposed to know. She ain’t ever gonna come near me again if I go about it like that.”
“Well then, can’t say I like the morals of it, but you could find another girl and practice with her.”
“Nah, she’s too sweet for me to go messin’ around on her with another girl.”
Charlie hums in agreement, freshly out of sympathy to give his friend and trying hard not to think of what Noel mightlike, how he might react to a tongue lazily dragged across the underside of his dick, the gentle graze of teeth on his head. Charlie takes another drag, and taps the ash out of the window, onto the roof below. They sit in silence.
Noel takes a long look at charlie, and finishes his straight, then reaches over Charlie, who’s breath hitches in his throat, and puts it out in the ashtray on the side table.
“Right. Got an idea. It don’t mean a thing, and I’m only askin’ ya because I know you ain’t gonna run for the hills about it. You've done weirder, anyways. Need you to be fuckin’ normal about this, got it?"
Charlie watches him settle back into his spot on the bed, and finishes his cigarette, too, stubbing out the butt in the ashtray. Noel shuts the window behind the bed that they had cracked to let the smoke out. Charlie cocks an eyebrow as Noel pulls the blind, too.
“…Can’t promise anything til I hear what bullshit you’re suggesting.”
“Nothing, yet. But just know, it don’t matter on my side, and surely you of all people gotta know that it can mean nothing.”
“Finley, quit talkin’ around whatever it is you’re talking about and come out and say it.”
Noel’s hand starts working open his belt and Charlie’s eyes widen as he starts to understand. Fingers hook under Charlie’s collar, and he lets his head get dragged down towards Noel’s lap. “Can’t mess around on her with another girl, but it don’t mean anything if you an’ I figure this out. I mean, it ain’t even like I gotta worry ‘bout you bein’ something pretty and skewin’ what we’d learn, right?”
"What makes you think I want it like that?" he asks, though he knows Noel can see his ears turning red. I oughta knock your fuckin lights out echoes in the back of his mind
Noel doesn't let go of his collar. "Oh, all of a sudden you're not interested?"
Charlie licks his lips. Usually when he's nervous, his mouth goes dry on him. Not this time. He starts to salivate like he's thinking about dinner. He hates that, that his body's ready for it. That even after everything Noel's said and done to him, over the course of their friendship, that he still wants it.
"It don't mean nothin'," he repeats.
"Atta boy, 'course it don’t mean nothin’, you’ve had a couple’a girls now, got your head on straight. This is just— Helping me keep my girl.”
Charlie hums, and repositions himself to be on his knees on the bed, holding his torso up on his forearms. “Did she unbutton your pants and pull you out of your shorts, or was that you?”
“Oh, uh. I did.”
“Yeah, fair. Lean back, Finley, lemme—“
“Like hell, Chuck. Wouldn’t let a girl get it out for me, not gonna let you. Know enough to know that I like bein’ the one to get it out myself. Don’t need anyone “takin’ charge” of that to get me goin’”
Charlie rolls his eyes at the bravado Noel's suddenly found. “Fucking— Christ, Noel, no wonder I’ve gotten more girls than you if you act like that with ‘em.” And I don’t even want them, he adds in his head. “She’s puttin’ her good reputation on the line for your pleasure, least you can do is give her the option of doin’ it herself."
Charlie puts his hands on Noel’s hips, and pushes himself up to look Noel in the eyes. They’re close enough he has to pull his head back a bit to get his eyes to focus on Noel. “Make her feel confident, and she won’t choke up on you.”
Noel’s quiet, lips parted slightly and his eyes dart down to Charlie. Something like anger and want stirring together in charlie’s stomach bubbles up, tasting sour in the back of his throat. “Alright,” Noel says, barely above a whisper. He clears his throat. “Alright, I get it. You made your point. If she don’t feel good, I won’t. You gonna get to work then?”
“Oh, sure, can do. But it won’t be how you’re thinkin’.” Charlie moves a hand back off Noel’s hips, and presses it to the middle of his chest instead. “You remember that girl, Norma, that I was seein’, ‘fore her and her friend went off to Drexel?”
That girl Norma had been a deal between the two of them. She and her friend weren’t exactly interested in men, but her father was worried she would become an old spinster if she went off to school without showing any interest in one. Charlie tried not to think about what it said about him that she sought him out in particular, what people might think about him if she guessed so correctly that he could be counted on to not want to make things real. But he did appreciate the cover she gave him. And, the good conversation.
“Lie back, gonna show you something she taught me.”
Noel lets himself be pressed back into the mattress, and lets Charlie tug his pants down, leaving him in his shorts. Charlie lets the hand on his chest drag down Noel’s stomach, over his pelvis, fingers catching on the waistband of his shorts before finding their destination, cupping Noel's length with a gentle pressure. Charlie hears a quickened breath from Noel, but not much more. “Lotta girls think it’s about going as quick as possible, actin’ eager for it. But plenty of guys like warmin’ up to it more, something to be said ‘bout the feelin’ of a slow build.”
“Is that what you like?” Noel asks, surprising Charlie.
He answers slowly, trying to parse what Noel might be testing him on, asking that “…I don’t like going from zero to one hundred with her foot on the gas, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Charlie looks up from Noel's crotch at the end of the sentence, and realizes that Noel's staring at with an intensity that goes through him like lightning. His lashes are halfway down to his reddening cheeks, and his parted lips are wet, and Charlie's thinking about how they looked wet with beer in the moonlight years ago, when he should have just walked away clean, but losing Noel was a fate worse than burning himself on the torch he carried.
Oh, no. Not a chance. He can't do that. This will not do.
"You can, uh. Close your eyes?" Charlie says, aiming for casual and considerate, but feeling pathetic and pleading. "So you can pretend it's a girl."
Noel startles. He frowns. "Right. Obviously."
Charlie decides to settle Noel back down by rocking his cupped hand against Noel’s length, relishing the buck of his hips under him that gesture earns.
““Jesus, Chuck, I definitely gotta ask her to do this. fuck.”
“You know what else she could do to step it up a bit?” Charlie asks.
“Nghmn?” Noel hums, hips still unconsciously chasing the friction of rubbing against charlie’s palm. Charlie moves his hand, and Noel whines for a second before he remembers and cuts the noise short.
“She’ll have longer nails then me, but—" Charlie drags his nails up the sides of noel’s thighs, coming under his shorts a bit, teasing, and watches as Noel quickly shoots a hand up to his mouth to bite the heel of to keep himself quiet. “That’ll only make it feel better.”
Noel just nods, eyes still screwed tightly shut. “Mhm, yeah, makes sense. Makes— ngfh—“ Charlie’s hands begin working at the button fly of Noel’s shorts, his palm brushing against the still-clothed sensitive head of Noel’s cock. The fabric is wet in a small splotch from from precum.
“Mnh, that might be a bit of a problem you gotta work on, Finley. Girls don’t like a quickshot."
“Wasn’t— She didn’t—” Noel stops, realizing what he was about to say, and a jealous pride bubbles up in Charlie's chest. He wasn’t this aroused with her.
Charlie shifts himself lower on the bed, grinding himself against the mattress subtly. Noel would never let him live it down if he knew how hard this was getting him.
“Just— quit lollygagging and get my shorts already,
Charlie brings his hands to the now open button fly of Noel’s boxer shorts, feeling the slight twitch of Noel’s hips as his hands brush haphazardly over the area. “Jeez, you plannin’ on talkin’ to her like that? Ain’t a good way to woo a lady. Sweeten up a bit, huh?”
“Chuck, please— nghf!” Noel’s words die in a strangled moan as Charlie licks a long stripe along the underside of his cock. He smiles, pleased with himself. “That,” he grinned, “I learned from Betty.”
“Didn’t—“ Noel pants hard, “Didn’t know about a Betty.”
And Noel didn’t need to know “Betty” was a boy their age named Benny, who stole a few of his mother’s good dresses and got a fur off an old man with no one better to spend on, who dragged Charlie behind the stage and to his “dressing area” with a giggle, the one time charlie got the nerve to trek into the city alone.
“I don’t tell you ‘bout all the gals I kiss, Finley.” He takes the head of Noel’s cock into his mouth, tonguing the underside in languid motions, to make sure that conversation dies a quick death.
That hits like a punch to Noel's gut. He thought he and Charlie knew everything about each other. Noel hasn't done anything with anyone that Charlie didn't hear about. So why's he keeping secrets now?
"How about this? Charlie asks, wrapping his fingers around the base of Noel's cock. "She use her hand too, or just her mouth?"
"Yeah, she uses her hands a lot." Her hands are soft though. Not like Charlie's at all. "She grips it really tight."
"And do you like that?" Charlie prods, giving him a little test squeeze.
Noel flinches. "Kind of? I don't know, i could do without it. Sometimes i wish she'd just-" he cuts himself off.
"Yeah?" "Charlie strokes him gently, slowly, keeping him going. "C'mon, man. Just tell me what you want."
Noel can't help but squirm. "I don't know. She doesn't put much of me in her mouth, ever. Mostly just the tip."
"You wanna go deeper?"
"I can't ask her to do that."
"You can ask me though."
Noel's throat goes tight at the thought of asking for it. He has to force the words out of himself, one by one. "Could you... go a little deeper with it?"
Charlie smiles. He grips the base of Noel's cock and wiggles it from side to side. "What's the magic word?"
"Fuck you!"
"Eh, good enough." Charlie shrugs and takes Noel into his mouth, more and more with every bob of his head.
"Charlie!"
Jesus, he’s taken on more than he can swallow. Charlie focuses on breathing through his nose, trying to disguise the slowing as teasing. He looks up at Noel from where he is and wishes he hadn’t.
Noel’s hand is sloppily clamped over his mouth, head tilted back, eyes screwed shut. A sparkle of tears collect in the corner, and a dusting of pink falls over his cheeks, deepening by the second. His usually pomaded hair is messy, a lock falling over his forehead.
Charlie has no regrets. He picks up the pace.
“Ffuu— haaauuuh, nngh— Charlie!” Charlie feels Noel’s hand pull roughly at his hair, and moans around the cock in his mouth. He feels it twitch, the vibrations clearly doing something for Noel. He gets a wicked idea, and builds a steady rhythm, enjoying the constant stream of swears and the sound of his name falling from Noel’s lips, too lost to care enough about keeping quiet. He’s paying attention to the way Noel’s whines pitch higher, his hips move sloppier and sloppier, his hand in Charlie’s hair tightening, then losing all coordination. He waits until he’s certain Noel’s on the edge, and—
He pulls off suddenly. “Another thing— she have you finish in her mouth, or on her face?”
“You fucking bastard— Goddamn, you, Charlie Dowd get your ass back down there and finish the fucking job, I swear to god—”
“I’m only trying to help you, Noel, I gotta know what she did, and if you liked it. Can’t help you if I don’t know.”
Noel lets out a pathetic whine that goes straight to Charlie’s own dick. He smiles with faux-sympathy at Noel, “This isstill about helping a girl finish you off better, ain’t it?”
“Yeah. Yeah, course.” Noel breathes heavy, blinking hard. “What else would it be,” he says blankly, eyes unfocused, pupils blown.
“So. How’d she have you finish?”
Noel turns his head into the sheets behind him and murmurs something.
“Sorry, pal, what was that?” Charlie has to struggle to keep himself from grinning.
“I didn’t.” Noel says again, louder this time.
“Ah, yeah, I’d forgotten. Damn shame.” He drags his hand slowly up the shaft of Noel's cock,just enough to get Noel to unthinkingly chase the sensation with a low whine. Charlie finds himself feeling like he's lining up his shot. And if he is? If holding Noel in his hands, his want palpable between them has him feeling like the tables have finally turned, and he's holding the the gun he usually find himself staring down the barrel of?
He can't stop himself from pulling the trigger. “Well. I ain’t swallowing it. That’s too much.” Charlie says, eyes locked onto Noel’s face.
Charlie feels ashamed for a moment, looking at him. The tears gathering in Noel's eyes earlier have now fallen down his cheeks, and his mouth hangs open. He’s watching Charlie with rapt attention, and that’s the part that gets him the worst. How long had he wanted Noel to look at him like that? How long had Noel made him feel disgusting for wanting it? And here he was, begging Charlie to keep touching him, all but admitting that Charlie was a better lay than— fuck, he couldn’t even remember the girl’s name. All he knew was he hated her. She had Noel under her, and her mouth on him with no pretext, and she wasn’t enough for him.
And the thought shouldn’t be such a cruel comfort to Charlie.
“Wh— too much?” Noel slurs out.
“Oh, I’m just helping a friend. if you wanna come inside her, be my guest and have at it. But me? You know me, I’m not a pouf. I ain’t swallowing for you.”
Charlie relishes in the way Noel’s face falls for a moment, but before he can open his mouth to respond, Charlie’s hand is stroking his length, thumb sweeping over the weeping head. The twist from shame to pleasure is intoxicating to watch, and Charlie's pulling Noel entirely in his mouth a moment later, picking up where he left off. He savors the noises Noel is making, the hand in his hair, the ache of his jaw. He ignores the ache of his own cock in his pants, the creeping fear of being discovered, his quiet rage at being Noel’s idea of a safe experiment and punching bag in equal measure.
He does not ignore the grunting animalistic whine from Noel, the first erratic thrusts from the hips he’s holding down, the “Oh, shit, Chuck, I’m—“ As he pulls his lips from Noel’s length with a pop.
Noel’s cum is hot as it hits his cheek first, then lips, the corner of his eye, and— well, did it fucking matter where else? Charlie had gotten what he’d wanted, he didn’t give a damn where it got him.
Charlie wipes the semen out of his eye with the palm of his hand. "Damn, you were really pent up, huh?"
"Shut it."
"Gotta say, it didn't really take that long, Noel. Your girl oughtta up her game."
"Shut up," Noel says between heavy breaths. He buries his face in the blanket next to him. It doesn't do shit to hide how red he is, only muffles his voice.
Charlie taps him on the arm. "Hey, what's the matter with you?" He asks, gentle as he can. His voice comes out a little ragged, on account of his throat being so... well, a bit battered, honestly. He did it to himself, but-
"Charlie, just shut the fuck up, alright?!" Noel turns his wet, red eyes in Charlie's direction, like he's pointing a knife. "Go wash your goddamn face."
"Wow, okay. No 'thanks, Charlie, that was fun' or 'good job, Charlie.' or anything?"
Noel says nothing.
"You're one ungrateful bastard, you know that?"
"And you're a filthy cocksucker. What of it?"
Charlie sucks air in through his teeth. "I was doing you a favor, asshole. Don't forget who asked for this."
"Yeah, whatever." Noel's voice cracks with his dismissal. He curls up and buries his face in the blanket. "Just get out."
Charlie gets to his feet. "Go ahead and treat your girl like this, see how long she puts up with it. Fuckin' prick."
Noel listens to his footsteps fading down the hall. To the sound of the bathroom tap being turned on, then off. Tears sting at his eyes again, and he feels sick to his stomach. He hears his dad and Charlie exchange farewells, and the front door hinges creaking. Then Charlie's gone. He sobs into the quilt, furious with himself for the way he treated his friend, sure. But also for enjoying it. And for asking that of Charlie to begin with.
He got the answer he needed. Not 'What do I like?', not really. Rather, 'Would it be different if it was you? Would it be easier? Better?'
The answer to all three was yes, unfortunately.
The answer to his first question, "What do I like?" was also unfortunate, but he already knew what it was going to be.
He tucks himself back into his shorts. Better than not knowing, right? Better than always wondering 'what if?' wasn't it?
Noel sits up straight on the bed, and hugs his knees close to his chest. He'll lose Charlie over it. That's for the best. For both of them. Noel'll just go back to his girl. Or hell, he'll find another girl, if need be. He'll figure out some way to get off with her, and he'll figure out a way to keep her happy. He'll be at least a halfway decent man.
This'll never happen again.