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White and Yellow’s voices began to overlap, their words blurring together until they became nothing more than a deafening noise in Wade’s head. He couldn’t even focus on the fight scene playing out on the television anymore, his eyes fixed on the screen purely so Logan wouldn’t notice.
[He knows you're not paying attention anyway. It’s so hard for you to pay attention to things sometimes]
That’s why nobody likes you.
[Alongside the fact your just a shit friend]
Wade could hear their laughs echoing through his mind mockingly. And for a moment, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if that could block them out, his fingers tightening around the edge of the couch. Usually if he ignored them long enough, they got bored and eventually moved on to something else.
Exactly, Remember the time you killed most of the X-Force team?
[All because you were trying to be a ‘hero’]
“Wade.”
Some hero. You were actually just being a selfish fuck.
“Wade.”
[Like the time you got Vanessa killed]
Oh, and when you agreed to take Logan in.
“Wade!”
His eyes snapped open. Logan was staring at him from across the couch, his head tilted slightly.
“Are you even listening to me?” Logan asked, his eyebrows raised.
[Did you hear that tone?]
He’s annoyed. He thinks you’re annoying.
Wade felt his throat tighten, Logan did sound kind of annoyed. But he always sounded like that, right?
[Yeah, because he’s always around you]
Logan was still watching him expectantly, and Wade’s heart skipped a beat as he realised he still hadn’t responded.
“I’m um–” Wade began, wincing as his words caught in his throat, taking a deep breath to steal himself. “I’m going to the bedroom.” Wade finally managed to say, stumbling off the couch and rushing out the room, unable to even bring himself to look back.
Why the fuck would you leave? You’ve probably pissed him off even more.
Wade pushed the bedroom door shut behind him, leaning against it as soon as it clicked close to take a shaky breath.
[What the fuck is wrong with you?]
“Shut the fuck up, White,” Wade whispered harshly, pressing his palms against his head.
White and Yellow just laughed cruelly, making Wade squeeze his eyes shut tighter, desperately wishing he could make them disappear. But of course, they didn’t.
You’re so pathetic, trailing after Logan like a lost dog for any sort of affection.
[But he just doesn’t care]
Wade pushed away from the door, his legs carrying him across the room before finally giving out. He sank to the floor, his back against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest. His hands gripped the back of his head as he buried his face against his knees.
Nobody cares about poor little Wade.
[Should’ve just let the cancer take you out when it could]
“Shut up,” Wade whispered, his voice cracking. “Shut up, shut up,” he continued to mumble as his eyes burned with tears of frustration whilst White and Yellow continued relentlessly.
Logan remained on the couch, the television still playing in the background, though he hadn’t paid attention to it since Wade had disappeared into the bedroom.
That was strange. Especially for Wade.
First, he was quiet for longer than three minutes with a movie playing too, which with Wade, means there must be a monologue about whatever trope or actors are in the movie. Secondly, Wade did not stutter nor fail to make a joke even in the most awkward or sensitive of situations.
Logan threw a glance to their bedroom door, Wade clearly wanted space otherwise he wouldn’t have left. And Logan wanted to give it to him. He knew he wasn’t very good in emotional situations, yet his chest still tightened in unease.
“Fuck it,” he muttered under his breath, pushing himself off the couch, he walked to the door with determination but faltered once he finally reached it.
“Wade,” Logan called out, knocking on the door gently.
He was met with silence and he considered just turning around and walking back to the couch. He knows Wade would eventually snap out of it and come back acting like nothing happened. But for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to leave.
Logan finally opened the door, taking a tentative step in the room.
His gaze instantly landed on Wade, pressed tightly against the wall, knees pulled up, rocking himself slightly.
“Wade…?” Logan asked quietly, trying to draw his attention.
But Wade didn’t even acknowledge him, mumbling under his breath so quietly that Logan needed to strain his ears to hear him. “Shut up,” Wade was whispering over and over again and Logan was pretty sure Wade wasn’t actually talking to him.
Logan took a step closer. “Wade,” he repeated again, this time more firmly however Wade still made no sign of hearing him.
Before Logan could figure out what to say to draw Wade’s attention, Wade flung his head back and it struck the wall with a sickening crack.
“Wade!” Logan exclaimed, eyes widening in surprise but then Wade drew his head back again.
Logan instinctively lunged forward, falling to his knees in front of Wade as his head thumped against the wall once more. Then before he could repeat the movement a third time, Logan caught him by his shoulders pulling him forwards.
Wade immediately resisted, squirming to get out of Logan’s grip, mumbling incoherently under his breath. “Wade, stop,” Logan said sternly, grappling at his shoulders to keep him in place, and raising one hand to the back of his neck to stop his thrashing. The position made it easier to see Wade’s face, and he finally noticed the tears sliding down his cheeks, causing Logan’s chest to tighten further. “Wade, look at me,” Logan said, trying to keep his voice steady, “Calm down.”
Wade just let out a choked sob, shaking his head, “They won’t stop,” he mumbled, his voice cracking, “They won’t shut up.”
“Who won’t shut up?” Logan questioned softly.
“The voices. They won’t shut up,” Wade rambled, his hands moving to his scalp, “Make them shut up. Logan please.”
Wade’s fingers then dug down, his nails digging into his skin, making Logan release Wade’s shoulders to grasp at his wrists. “None of that,” Logan said, his eyes searching for Wade's, feeling completely out of his depth, “What do you want me to do?”
Wade let out a half sob, letting his head fall forward, gently knocking Logan’s shoulder. Logan’s hands hovered near Wade’s sides unsure what to do, but then a trembling hand weakly grasped one of his wrists.
Wade tilted his head so his temple rested against the side of Logan’s knuckles, making Logan’s brow draw together in confusion. “Logan, please,” Wade said, desperately, “Make them stop.”
Logan’s heart dropped as the gesture finally made sense, shaking his head. “I’m not hurting you Wade,” he murmured.
“Please,” Wade begged.
Logan’s eyes flitted between his knuckles and Wade’s pleading gaze. Should he? It was clearly what Wade wanted, but he doesn’t want to encourage this.
He worried his bottom lip between his teeth before a small memory flashed through his head from his own universe.
Storm. She used to comfort young mutants overwhelmed with their powers, calming them so easily when they struggled to control their emotions. She never shouted. She just simply stayed with them until the storm passed.
Logan moved his hand away from Wade’s temple to the back of his neck, his thumb rubbing small circles. His other arm drew Wade a little closer.
“Just breathe with me, alright?” Logan murmured, tilting Wade’s neck so their gazes met and then took a deep breath in.
Wade copied him, dragging in a shaky breath before letting it escape just as unevenly. His eyes briefly squeezed shut before he shook his head as if admitting he couldn’t do it.
“Come on, Wade,” Logan said, trying to seem encouraging.
Wade tried again, this time a bit more steadier and Logan his arm a reassuring squeeze, then Wade repeated it again. And again.
“There you go,” Logan said quietly, “What are they saying now?”
“They’re saying I’m a mess. A crybaby,” Wade whispered, swallowing thickly. “That you’re going to leave me now you’ve seen me like this.”
“I’m here,” Logan said firmly, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Logan moved his hand from Wade’s neck to his back, still rubbing comforting circles and Wade’s breathing began to gradually steady, and his tears became less frequent.
“Good, that’s it,” Logan said, “Don’t listen to them. Just focus on me.”
Little by little, Wade’s weight settled against him until he was almost completely leaning on Logan.
“And what about now?” Logan asked.
“Nothing,” Wade breathed out, the relief clear in his voice.
For a moment, they both just sat there on the floor and Logan didn’t know what to do next and if they moved, he wanted it to be when Wade was ready.
“I’m sorry,” Wade croaked out, his voice rough from the crying.
“What?” Logan asked incredulously.
“You shouldn’t have had to deal with me like that,” Wade explained, “I didn’t want you to see me like that or…to find out about them.”
“...Does that happen a lot?” Logan asked cautiously, not wanting to overstep.
“They’re there pretty much all the time,” Wade muttered, with a small shrug
Logan’s eyebrows lifted at the thought of Wade having to listen to voices in his head constantly and how Logan himself never noticed. Or maybe he did and just brushed it off as Wade being Wade?
“They’re not usually so harsh,” Wade added quietly, “Usually yellow is pretty chill and white just stays out of most stuff.”
“You gave them names,” Logan deadpanned.
“It’s the colour of their text boxes,” Wade said.
“What—” Logan began, before shaking his head. Wade said weird shit like that all the time and he knew some stuff is better not to question. “You should’ve said something.”
Wade laughed dryly. “What? Hey Logan, by the way did you know I hear voices. I’m absolutely batshit crazy,” Wade said mockingly.
Logan huffed, “I already know your batshit crazy, I’ve been living with you for months,” Logan said, rolling his eyes. “If it’s affecting you or hurting you this much then you should’ve mentioned it.”
“They just say things that are true anyway,” Wade said, his gaze drifting back to the floor.
“Wade,” Logan said sternly, his voice unbelieving.
“What? They say I’m annoying and a shitty friend. Both comments are kind of true,” Wade argued.
“So what if you’re a bit annoying. None of your friends care if you’re annoying,” Logan said bluntly, “Also you’re one of the most attentive people I’ve met. You always know how every single one of them are feeling and if they’re struggling and how to make them feel better. You’re a great friend.”
Wade looked doubtful however thankfully didn’t argue against it, instead his voice dropped to barely a whisper. They also say you don’t care about me.”
Logan couldn’t help but bark out a short laugh. “I don’t think I need to address that one much, right?”
The words were barely out of his mouth before he saw Wade’s face fall and the hurt in his eyes hit Logan like a punch. “...Wow,” Wade muttered, drawing back from where he was leaning into Logan.
“Wade. I was joking,” Logan said firmly, grasping at Wade’s arm feeling a bit hurt by the idea of Wade not knowing how much he actually did care. “Of course I fucking care about you.”
Wade looked at him in shock as if this was some grand revelation but Logan couldn’t even begin to think why.
“You care?” Wade repeated, his words unsure.
“Obviously I do,” Logan said, “Well clearly not obviously enough.”
Wade was silent for a long moment, studying Logan as if he were trying to decide to believe him. Finally, he gave a small nod. “I’ll think I need a bit of convincing with that one,” Wade muttered.
Logan huffed out a laugh, his hand trailing down Wade’s arm until their fingers brushed together. “I think I can do that.”
“You’ll have to convince white and yellow in here too,” Wade said, tapping the side of his head. “There’s four in this relationship, peanut.”
“Just don’t run off into the bedroom so they can convince you otherwise,” Logan said, unable to stop the small smile tugging at his lips.
Wade smiled back and for the first time since Logan had opened the bedroom door, Wade’s smile looked real.